Gundam SEED Kismet
by thebigmacattack
Summary: Three years after the end of Gundam SEED, war brews again. The Earth Alliance and ZAFT restart the fight, and the survivors of Gundam SEED and brand-new ones face difficult choices. How will this new war be fought, and who will survive? DEADFIC
1. Chapter 1

Hello there. Some of you may have read this already posted on the MAHQ forums. This is basically the "improved" version of that story, with all spelling fails fixed and some minor changes to make it easier to read. You will notice a subtle style change as the story goes on, the original chapters were written all the way back in 2007! It's 2010 as the fic makes its debut, so yeah, the longer the story goes, the more style changes to expect.

In short, it's sort of like my style changed from, say, Dean Koontz to more of a Orson Scott Card type of style.

Anyway, I hope to get these chapters uploaded and posted very quickly, until catches up to MAHQ. The first four are being posted today, hope you enjoy them!

* * *

**Chapter One: Relapse **

_When you're alone in the middle of the night and you wake in a sweat and a hell of a fright . . ._  
-T.S. Eliot, _**Fragments of an Agon**_

_The sky was dark and clear, but starless. In front of him, however, only red filled his vision. A disgusting iron-like smell overwhelmed his nostrils, giving him a powerful urge to vomit. He stumbled across the field, his hands and legs out of control, his mind in a daze. He faintly heard voices screaming to him, begging him to spare them, but he silenced them with swift movements of his arms._

_He was killing. Killing them all. He couldn't stop. Even when he cried for help he killed. He stabbed. He shot. He crushed. Friends and people he had never seen before were equal victims. Tears filled his vision when his friends, his family, all died at his hands. Even when they rushed him he slaughtered them all. No bullet could penetrate him, nothing could make him stop._

_He was an invincible, unstoppable murderer._

_Nothing could stop him nor the process of eliminating everyone. He crushed the bones of those he first slain, threw away the decomposing corpses that remained of those slain. Those who knew him tried to stop, to reason, but their words were slurred, were unintelligible. It was like they were aliens, or even _he_ was an alien. He was alone, it seemed. Lost._

_He traversed the whole world, unbelievably. No one could stop him. Flashes raced by him, impacted him, but he scarcely felt it. He felt flesh tearing away, his appearance becoming more hollow, more hideous, but he felt no pain. There weren't any protests from his soul, if he still had one,_

_He just wanted to _stop_ but nothing would let him. No matter how much blood filled his hands and covered his body, he couldn't stop this nightmarish scene. Soon, there was no one left. He was alone, abandoned, feared. People fled from him, calling him a monster. Pictures flashed in front of him, pictures unveiling the slain to his eyes._

Stop. Please stop. I don't want to keep doing this. I'm not this. I don't want to see it anymore.

_Burned cities, monstrosities crushing, slashing each other and everything else. He was in one of them now, rampaging across the landscape. He tore through each of them with a scimitar forged with stygian markings, and a brimstone covering. He was condemned, a killer from Hell itself, a force beyond human understanding._

_For he was no longer human._

Stop! Just make it stop!

_Then an ethereal voice entered his mind, a voice that halted him in his  
footsteps. Something tugging at him, shaking him, the voice whispering and screaming all at once. Who was it? Was it someone he had killed? Was it one of the many souls he had crushed?_

Wake up!

* * *

His vision was blurry, but he saw something dark, with faint blue spheres, right in front of his face. There was a faint light behind the dark figure, a crack that gave a minuscule glimpse at the world behind whatever was enclosed all around him.

"Kira, it was just a nightmare. Wake up." The voice was firm, feminine. He blinked several times, and saw a distorted visage of Lacus Clyne staring at him. Her flesh was rotting, blood seeped from her several injuries.

Her voice suddenly took on a demonic air. _"Kira . . . "_

He lashed out at this hideous monster or whatever was masquerading as Lacus and charged off of the bed, backing away from the downed figure. He stared at his hands. Full of blood. He could see the blood pouring from his hands. He blinked several times, trying to wish it away. He could almost _hear_ the blood beginning to splash into the ground.

"Kira, stop! Shake it off!" the voice said, sounding much more like Lacus than before. Kira blinked several times, trying to see whether this was true, whether he was hallucinating.

"Calm down. It's okay." Kira looked up from his bloody hands to see a normal Lacus Clyne approaching him, her light pink hair unusually disheveled, her famous pin missing from her hair. Her blue eyes gleamed with concern, and, much to Kira's momentary relief, she looked _normal_. Like he was back in reality, or whatever reality _was_, anyway.

He looked at his hands. They glistened with sweat, but there wasn't anything else. Certainly no blood. Clearly, he had been hallucinating. A leftover from his nightmare had plagued him upon being woken up. The images he had seen had been elements of the nightmare, and he had transferred it to the reality. This was real. Lacus was real, she was here, flesh and blood, alive, without possession, without being a reanimated corpse. He hadn't been crushing people. He wasn't an unstoppable berserker.

Or perhaps the reality was hideous and he was dreaming right now. But before he could think about that possibility, even consider it, Lacus had wrapped her arms around him. Her head rested upon her chest, and stray strands of her hair tickled his chin and lips. "Calm down. Calm down. It's just a nightmare, okay? It's okay. Calm down before you wake up the kids."

_Kids?_ Kira searched his mind for a moment, and remembered that Lacus was running an orphanage right now. Reverend Malchio had gone away on an errand to one of the PLANTs, leaving Kira and Lacus temporarily in charge.

_Oh yeah. The kids._ Kira took a deep breath, and exhaled. His shaking arms gripped Lacus in a tight embrace. The kids didn't know about his nightmares and visions. They shouldn't know, they were too young to understand what Kira had gone through. Not to mention that if people found out that a sufferer of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder was helping run the clinic, it would most likely would be shut down. People would find out inevitably if Kira hurt one of the children, and Kira couldn't bear doing that to Malchio. He had been too kind, giving a jobless wanderer a job here so he didn't have to continue siphoning money away from the Clyne account.

"That's right, calm down. Deep breaths." Lacus sounded tired, more exhausted than she used to. The last three years, since the final battle of the Bloody Valentine War, had universally been spent giving Kira makeshift therapy. He hadn't made a lot of progress and frequently relapsed into delusions and insanity, and it was starting to wear on her. Kira wished he could _do_ something to improve, so Lacus' patience and compassion would finally be rewarded, but the nightmares continuously erased every amount of progress he made.

He suddenly realized that Lacus sounded _injured_, too. "Did . . . did I hit you again, Lacus?" he asked, fearing the worst.

"Just a blow to the stomach. You weren't yourself, don't worry about it." Despite the reassurance, Kira sensed Lacus' physical pain through the tone in her voice, and he looked away, stared at a random point in the wall.

_I hurt her again . . . I'm no better than a wife-beater, am I? She doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve me._

"I-I'm sorry, Lacus. I-I didn't m-mean to . . . God." He buried his face into her shoulder, letting her nightshirt absorb his release. It quickly became soaked with his hot tears, and only more poured out with each pat on the back Lacus gave him.

It was a miracle she had remained this tolerant. Why she had sacrificed so much of her political influence, why she had ignored her musical career in favor of helping an orphanage and trying to keep him sane was beyond Kira's comprehension. She constantly told him why, but he wasn't sure whether he believed it or not. She seemed sincere, but a small part of him remained suspicious. Perhaps she was punishing herself for sending him into more and more battles long after he had been pushed beyond his limit.

He was never sure with Lacus Clyne. After all, when he had first met her, she had seemed to be an innocent, somewhat loopy songstress. But she was slowly revealed to be far more than she seemed, and Kira felt that there were still layers to this young woman he had yet to see.

_Am I going to break her? What if I go crazy and kill her?_ Kira asked himself, as he did every time he had one of these nightmares. He wondered if the nightmare would continue to stick with him, long enough that he would change his reality into something like his dreams. And Lacus then would _really_ be a corpse.

"Take a deep breath, Kira. You can do it. It's all right." Kira obeyed, forcing oxygen through his nose and down his constricted throat. He coughed as his throat protested against the surge of dry air, and Lacus told him to breathe like that again. And repeated it once more. Eventually, his heartbeat slowed to a halt, and his frantic grip slowly loosened.

Probably ten minutes passed in this deliberate, cautious dance of sorts. There was no way for Kira to tell the time, but when he had inquired once Lacus had told him it usually took anywhere from five minutes to two hours to get him calmed down. To Kira, this felt like one of the shorter ones. The nightmare hadn't been as long, and hadn't been as explicitly detailed as some of the others. Or perhaps it was the worst one of the lot and Lacus had simply improved at comforting him.

At least the fact that he still cared what happened to Lacus, and that he was afraid of hurting her reminded him that he was still human. Despite everything since the Bloody Valentine War, he had managed not to regress into something less than human. That was only mild consolation, but it was something that he could hold onto. And reason for Lacus not to give up yet.

Finally, his eyes dried. Perhaps sensing this, Lacus' embrace loosened and Kira was able to stare into her teal eyes. "You all right now, Kira?"

Kira nodded slowly. "Yeah. I guess."

One of her famed, dazzling smiles crept across her face. "That's excellent. This one was shorter than usual. You _will_ get better, Kira. Just stay strong, all right? You're gonna get through this."

"I hope so." Kira couldn't think of anything else to say.

Lacus' hands curled around his own, and she led him to the bed. They sat down on it, and the bed creaked softly underneath their combined weight. "Just rest right now. Remember that I'm here. We've both got a bit of work to do, tomorrow, getting this place ready for the Reverend to come back."

"Yeah. You _are_ okay, right? I don't want to-"

"I'm fine. Now lay back, and try to fall asleep. I'm with you if anything happens, okay?"

Kira rested back, pulling the blanket above his body, He felt Lacus' left arm curl around his midsection, and after an initial moment of awkward silence, he realized he had a question to ask. It was one he asked frequently, for he was never sure what was the real answer. It was the same one, but he could never bring himself to trust Lacus. He didn't know why. Perhaps all the betrayal and misdirection that happened to him in the war still affected his mindset. There was no real answer. His memories back when he was happy, back when he had a small group of friends and lived in peace seemed so distant now, almost like an alternate reality or alien society.

Why do you do this, Lacus? Why do you bother?" he asked, in an almost-daily ritual.

"Because I love you. You know that," she whispered. Kira felt a small, moist, warm sensation touch his cheek for a second, and his cheeks instantly heated up.

"T-Thanks," Kira managed despite his suddenly limp throat. But by then Lacus was already asleep peacefully next to him. Even in this darkness there was a faint smile etched across her face.

_Remember that I'm here,_ she had told him. Kira knew that much. She was always with him. She had _lived_ with him since the end of the war, for God's sake.

Suddenly, Kira realized that Lacus was sharing a bed with him. Right here. Suddenly he became more aware of her soft, warm breaths as they tickled his chest. That arm she had wrapped around him felt firm, strong, more secure than any blanket or sheet. He wasn't sure whether to feel embarrassment or to let her serene presence calm him into sleep. What Lacus was doing right here . . . was unprecedented since the end of the war. Even though they kissed sometimes and held hands, they had never progressed to sharing a bed together . . . was Lacus trying to comfort him, or was she trying some new strategy to keep his dreams tranquil? Maybe she had merely been so tired she had just collapsed on the bed without realizing what the implications of what she just did were.

It was almost automatic, how he brought her prone form closer to him. She was putting so much trust in him now, risking the wrath of his inner demons just for the slim chance he'd find serenity. He leaned in and kissed her forehead through her pink bangs. "I love you too."

Then he let sleep take him away. For once, he wasn't worried about what kind of phantoms waited for him in sleep's realm. Maybe, just for once, he'd have a bona-fide _dream_. He wouldn't hallucinate about Lacus either, then.

He'd like that a lot.

* * *

The next morning was somewhat eventful. Kira had waken up looking more refreshed than he had in years. There were still large, dark bags under his eyes, but they had shrunk just a little bit. Just enough to be significant. There was even a small spring to his step when he woke the kids up. Lacus had learned to appreciate such moments. They usually weren't permanent and Kira had always relapsed sooner or later.

She wasn't sure what else she could do, though. She was running out of options. Trying to coax the memories out of Kira only seemed to worsen the condition. And if left by himself for too long Kira began to entertain suicidal thoughts. He clearly needed professional help, but when she had tried that Kira had proven to be a threat to both himself and the psychiatrist. And he would have killed the psychiatrist if Lacus hadn't intervened at the last second. Even on his worst days it seemed that she was enough to halt his nightmares and memories from taking over.

Perhaps sharing a bed with him would work. It was a method she had thought of but had never intentionally attempted. She had just been so exhausted last night that the moment she had felt the soft covers she just _needed_ to close her eyes. And of course that meant she had fallen asleep in Kira's bed. With him in it. At least, judging by her appearance in the mirror right now, Kira didn't have a resurgence of the nightmares. No bruises around the neck, arms, or legs.

In fact, the only thing Kira had done to her was kiss her on the cheek when she woke up this morning. He had never taken the initiative in this relationship ever before. Maybe sharing a bed with him had some merit. Maybe he would force his nightmares into somewhere deep inside himself and lock them up just so he wouldn't hurt her again.

She lifted up her top and looked at the growing bruise on the right side of her abdomen. Sometimes, still shaking off the dreams, he would see her as a monster, mutant, zombie, demon, or something else equally horrid. He had even claimed her _voice_ sounded distorted to him when he woke sometimes. When Kira was that far gone the only thing she could do was back away and hope he woke up completely before he caused serious harm, which he usually did.

With all of those issues, Lacus would have been tempted to admit Kira to an asylum or have him take his chances at a care center if it weren't for several factors. One was the fact he showed genuine remorse, and lots of it, for everything he did. He hated himself for injuring her. Another was what Kira had shown her this morning. The kiss told her that he truly did love her, and that he hadn't given up just yet. He was still fighting the demons, he was determined to live a normal life with her.

As long as Kira kept resisting, she would help him combat his demons as long as it took. _That_ was a worthy battle to fight.

"Is it bad?" Lacus spun around to see Kira standing at the entrance to the bathroom. He was wearing synthetic khaki-colored pants and a black robe-shirt combination that was loose on him. It gave Lacus a good glimpse at how underweight he was. He desperately needed more nourishment than he allowed himself to have.

"Uh, no. Not really," she lied. Thankfully, she had managed to disguise the bruise quickly enough so Kira didn't see _too_ much. That was the last thing the two of them needed, just when Kira was finally _smiling_.

Kira didn't look completely convinced but he let it drop. "The older kids are sitting down in the classroom doing their arithmetic. It was kinda difficult to remember who's in what grade. I almost told Fletcher to head to the elementary-school room."

"Fletcher's small for his age. He can't help it. But you _did_ let him stay there, right?"

"Why do you think I said _almost_?" Kira replied. He looked in the direction of the classroom. Generally, Kira taught science, Japanese, and mathematics while Lacus handled English, writing, and the arts. Malchio himself took care of everything else.

"Sorry. I'm just a little tired right now. Which Malchio gone I've been doing most of his work. Could you handle social studies and Spanish for me today? History, social studies, Spanish, and Latin . . . I can't handle it all."

Kira nodded. That pleased Lacus, for he usually whined for a while before finally surrendering. Perhaps he was still riding on the waves of the kiss. Suddenly, he broke out into a wide smile and began speaking in Spanish. "I'm pretty decent with _Espanol_, aren't I?"

"You have a heavy accent but you're all right otherwise," Lacus answered in Spanish. Language came easily to her, being the daughter of a former head of state she had to learn the multitudes of the languages Coordinators used.

Kira reverted to his natural tongue then. "I'll try my hardest," he said, before turning to his right, probably to head back to the classroom.

"Hey, Kira." Kira stopped when he heard her voice. "Susan despises Spanish with a passion. Try to make it interesting for her."

Kira smiled. "I know. Your battles with her are legend among the younger kids."

Lacus laughed. "Yeah. She's a real spitfire that way."

Kira vanished then, and Lacus added a little extra eyeliner to her face, to disguise the bags under her eyes more. There was no need for the kids to know that _she_ was exhausted. It was already bad enough they already knew Kira was having bad dreams and could be cranky, to say the least.

Lacus yanked out her schedule then. She had the younger children today. That meant that she could bring out Haro for them, they loved that little pink robo-ball. And when the kids laughed and were enjoying themselves it was far easier to teach them, she had discovered after two years on the job.

Suddenly, one of her devices beeped. Lacus reached for it, and opened it up. A holographic screen emanated in front of her. The almost-translucent static gave way to a two-dimensional likeness of Athrun Zala. Actually-it took her a moment to-remember, the resemblance wasn't perfect. Athrun had cut his hair and dyed it brown years ago to help forge his identity as 'Alex Dino'.

"Oh! Athrun! I didn't know you would be calling right now."

A small smile spread across Athrun's lips. "Sorry. I just wanted to check on you and give you an update on what we're doing. How's the school-teaching thing going?"

"It's doing fine. I have a larger workload because Malchio's off in Orb trying to find other employees. We can finally afford a fourth teacher and it'll make our lives easier," Lacus answered. She knew Athrun had fairly major news, why else would he call when he knew she had to be preparing for school? But at the same time, she liked that he opened with small talk and wanted to know about her life. He still cared for her and wanted to remain her friend.

"Oh, I'll make it fast, then." Athrun cleared his throat. "Cagalli and I are heading the Dual-Alliance base to try to get Orb's citizens to return to their country."

After the Orb War, roughly half of the small country's citizens had emigrated to other countries, trying to find employment. The remainder, however, had helped rebuild Orb the last few years. It was a goal of the Orb prime minister to persuade as many of Orb's citizens as possible to return to their country, and Cagalli had recently become the face of that policy.

"I've heard the Dual-Alliance base is always under attack by Earth and ZAFT terrorists. You sure you'll be all right by going there? And Cagalli?" Lacus asked.

Athrun dropped the optimistic face he had been wearing, and now he looked far more melancholy. "I don't know. Most of the Earth terrorists are Islamic and the ZAFT are mostly hard-liners, we know that much. But they both seem determined to annihilate the base. It's a miracle the alliance has remained this strong after so many attacks."

Athrun took a deep breath. "Orb's heard of arguments between the heads of the alliance over who's to blame. ZAFT is blaming the Earth Alliance for the Islamic terrorists and the Alliance is blaming the ZAFT for the hard-liner strikes. Basically, the real reason why we're here is to get as many of Orb's citizens out of the base as possible in case there's a war. We're also hoping to serve as a mediator of sorts to keep the two sides from killing each other. That means we've had to commit the _Kusanagi_ to the anti-terror expedition as a gesture of good faith. Admiral Kisaka's in command of it, and you know he's a good man."

Lacus nodded. Standard politics at work here. Even though both sides had signed a treaty two years ago to reconcile and ally against terrorist movements, they still deeply distrusted each other and Lacus wasn't the only person wondering whether there would be another war. Considering the casualties of the last one, there would be teenagers and children committed to this one, and that would be a tragedy that would ensure this period would live in infamy.

"How's Cagalli? It sounds like she has a lot of responsibility," Lacus asked.

Athrun smiled. "Cagalli can handle it. She's really good at this."

_That's what I'm afraid of._ Cagalli was transforming into a politician, and considering her experiences with the profession, Lacus wasn't sure whether there were _any_ decent politicians left on either side. She knew that Cagalli was better than most others, because of her morals and committments, but what kind of choices would she make if she was faced with a truly ambiguous situation?

That was why she had stepped out of the political arena. She was sickened by the power games and pawns, aggravated by the corruption and manipulation. She wanted to just spend the rest of her life in anonymity, in peace. Once Kira was healed, she would finally have that peace, and she would be satisfied with her life.

Keeping a polite smile on her face, Lacus said "I know. If there's someone who can keep the Earth Alliance and the ZAFT from killing each other it'll be her. She's gotten a lot of experience."

Athrun nodded. There was a big, stupid grin fighting to break out on his lips, and Lacus was starting to wonder just _what_ was on his mind. "Okay, Athrun, what did you do?"

Athrun's eyes lit up with joy. "I proposed to Cagalli last night and she accepted!"

"Oh." Lacus tried to feign surprise, but she knew that Athrun had wanted to marry Cagalli for a long while. _It's about time._

"Congratulations," she offered. "I can't wait to tell Kira."

His words were fast, so fast they almost slurred together into one gargantuan word. "We're still trying to work out the details, plus there's the fact that Cagalli will be marrying out of the royal family . . . lot of complications, there. We're going to spend the next few days after Cagalli's speech to the Orb citizens and her meeting with the Dual-Alliance leaders. I heard the Earth Alliance's leader and the ZAFT Chairman will both be present, as well. So we're going to wait until after all of this is over to plot our plan out."

Lacus nodded. She had managed to identify every word despite the speed of Athrun's speech. "Smart thing to do. Can't distract yourselves right now."

Athrun nodded, but suddenly the grin lapsed. He was serious again, and Lacus already knew why. "How's Kira? Last time we talked you said he hasn't improved."

"He's doing a little better. He's been smiling today. Real smiles too, not the sad or fake ones he usually wears," Lacus answered.

Athrun nodded and smiled again. "That's good. Is he available? I haven't talked to him for a month."

"He's teaching the older kids mathmatics right now. And I have to get going myself. The younger kids are going to tear the classroom apart unless I'm there."

Athrun laughed and said "I personally couldn't stand math myself. I was lucky Kira was pretty good at it when we attended the academy together."

He sighed then. "Okay, if there isn't anything else to say, Lacus, I have to get going. We're about to dock and Cagalli's going to give her speech outside . . ."

Lacus nodded, understanding. The threat of assassination was _always_ serious. "Go on. Make sure she stays all right. There's enough pain in the world, we can't lose Cagalli right now."

"Especially since her cousin's an idiot," Athrun said. There was more than just normal hostility in his face and tone-perhaps Cagalli's cousin Yuna fancied himself a suitor as well. That had to be it. Athrun normally didn't get riled up like this just because Yuna happened to be, in Athrun's eyes, an "idiot".

Lacus nodded again. "I'll talk to you later, all right?"

"Yeah. See you later. I'll tell you how it went when this whole thing's over with." Athrun replied.

The projection winked out of existence then, leaving Lacus alone once more. She looked up towards the ceiling, imagining the sky above, and the deep black of space, where Athrun was. Somewhere up there, in one of the PLANTs in orbit around Earth, just beyond the Moon, he was there. Still trying to save the world, like he always wanted to do.

Somehow, he hadn't managed to lose faith in humanity and his ideals. She folded her hands together, as if in prayer. _Athrun, keep going. You know I believe in what you can do. _

Then, without any further thoughts, she walked out of the bathroom to teach those that would inherit the Earth from people like her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: Gathering**

_And now you live dispersed on ribbon roads,  
And no man knows or cares who is his neighbour  
Unless his neighbour makes too much disturbance,  
But all dash to and fro in motor cars,  
Familiar with the roads and settled nowhere._  
T.S. Eliot, Choruses from** "The Rock"**

Athrun could never get used to the crowds. There they were, all standing at the sides of the road, with only a strong line of security personnel on either side keeping them from swarming Cagalli Yula Athha and her personal bodyguards. He couldn't help but notice that the security guards were wearing ZAFT uniforms. He wondered how many of them secretly wished to let an assassin through so Cagalli could be slain. Most of the extremists were isolated politically, so they had to be getting pretty desperate. The fact that many of them had turned to terrorism was a sign of that.

He looked out over the artificial horizon. Despite the convincing illusion of gravity and sunlight, as well as weather, Athrun could still see the faint halos of bright inorganic lights shining above. And there was no disguising the stability shaft placed strategically at a halfway point above the ground and from the ceiling. Otherwise, this could be a convincing facsimile of Earth. The soft breeze flying past his ears reminded him how much control the ZAFT had over their colony, and he doubted it would be long before a PLANT internally _could_ resemble a planet.

Cagalli was nearly one step ahead of him now, and Athrun gingerly caught up so he was walking step by step with her. As a bodyguard he needed to be there, not just to take Cagalli's head down or cover her body with his own, but because he might need to take a bullet for her. He knew that Cagalli would likely be heartbroken if he died because of an assassin's bullet, but at least she wouldn't die, and he would have done his job.

His sunglasses had begun to loosen some, the lenses starting to fall down his nose. He quickly readjusted it before people saw his all-too-familiar eyes. All the effort he had put into disguising himself meant nothing if people saw his eyes. Everyone here knew who he looked like. His face had been plastered all over ZAFT news, and the majority of the people regarded him as a traitor, albeit for different reasons depending on who it was.

On one hand, some considered him a traitor because he had betrayed ZAFT to fight alongside the Three Ships Alliance. Despite the fact that he had done that to stop the war, and prevent a cataclysm from taking place, some still believed for some reason that Athrun had sold ZAFT out. And others made Athrun guilty by association. His father had nearly killed everyone on Earth, and had almost annihilated a ZAFT fleet to do so. The moderates had not forgiven Patrick Zala for the war crimes he had committed or attempted to do, and many considered Athrun at least a potential radical.

And yet he still came here. If he could've smiled a sardonic grin at himself, he would have. But the role of the bodyguard was show no external emotion, and remain focused upon his surrounding and the person he was protecting. That's why his eyes batted about behind the sunglasses, eying out as many people in the gigantic crowd as possible.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Cagalli waving towards the cheering masses, undoubtedly smiling a politician's cordial, fake grin. At the end of the well-maintained, gold-trimmed red carpet was the tall, kindly figure of Gilbert Durendal. He was walking forwards toward Cagalli and her four bodyguards. His politician's smile was convincing, almost honest. The kind, almost fatherly manner he conducted himself with was offset by an intimidating small cadre of bodyguards who looked as elite as any special force unit in either ZAFT or the Earth Alliance.

"Welcome, Princess!" he exclaimed, offering his hand out. "Thank you for being here. I know you had to travel extremely far to make it here."

Cagalli shook Durandal's right hand briefly, before taking it back. For once, she was in complete control of herself, showing no signs of her ferocious temper. But Athrun could tell already by the way her left hand was twitching that Cagalli was already feeling impatient and wished to get to the matters at hand.

"Not all. I know you've been extremely busy yourself. Getting the Earth Alliance Secretary-General to come here was a breakthrough I thought impossible. Congratulations on that," Cagalli replied.

Durandal offered a short, self-deprecating laugh. "I can't take all of the credit. I was lucky that Naomi Mitsuda wants to stop this outbreak of terrorism and normalize relations as much as I want to."

Cameras flickered all around, annoying Athrun slightly. He half-wished there was something different for the press to do; before he realized it would take another war to get the press to ignore the meeting of two chiefs of state. He quickly decided he'd take the cameras.

As if noticing the cameras for the first time himself, Durandal looked around, and then motioned to his private limousine. "Let's leave this tsunami of paparazzi behind, shall we? I believe we have quite a bit of business to take care of, if we don't want to deviate from the plans of the meeting."

_He talks like a doctor. More specifically, like a brain surgeon,_ Athrun thought. Gilbert Durandal seemed to be the opposite of Patrick Zala in many ways, first of all in cordiality. Zala was known for his blunt methods and flamboyant, fiery speeches, while Durandal was comparatively soft-spoken and thoughtful. Considering that that Athrun's father had almost led the country into ruin perhaps it was to be expected they would find the best match for Zala's opposite.

Cagalli nodded appreciatively. "Thank you," she said, with a hint of actual gratitude in her voice.

"Come on, then. Let's get away from the cameras," Durandal replied, and began walking towards the limousine. Cagalli walked at his right side, and Athrun reluctantly shifted his position to directly behind her.

Two of Durandal's bodyguards opened the dual-door into the limousine. Athrun was surprised by its spartan appearance. There were cupholders, red bench seats that appeared to have healthy cushions, but nothing else other than a bolted-in wooden desk. Apparently Durendal liked traveling without frills.

Durandal stopped outside the limousine, before pausing. He turned to Cagalli with a slightly sheepish look on his face. "Unfortunately, Princess, I don't have enough room for all of your bodyguards. We'll each take two with us, and everyone else can get inside the secondary limousine. That sounds all right to you?"

Cagalli nodded. There was scarcely a pause before she made up her mind. "Alex, Tomas, you two come in with me. Tomas, you first."

It took Athrun a moment to remember what his assumed name was. He realized it before his next turn and followed Cagalli gingerly into the limousine, nearly stubbing his toe on the wooden desk. Why the hell Durandal wanted a piece of wooden furniture in a vehicle was beyond Athrun's understanding.

Durandal summoned his two bodyguards, whose names were Laura and Mikhail. Laura sat on the far side, and Mikhail was directly across from Athrun, with Durendal in the middle facing Cagalli. Athrun struggled not to blush a bit when he found himself compressed against Cagalli when the dual doors slammed shut, leaving him locked in a door with the ZAFT leaders and the Orb heir.

"By the way," Cagalli suddenly said, "Could you please stop calling me Princess? I'm here as the Orb Representative. My lineage doesn't really count until I'm twenty-one."

Athrun nearly admonished Cagalli for saying that, before remembering he was supposed to be the dutiful, silent bodyguard, like a machine. He bit his lip slightly and looked outside, through the tinted, undoubtedly bulletproof windows. _Dammit, Cagalli, don't blow this because of your temper._

Durandal held up his hands. "My mistake. I didn't mean anything serious, Representative Athha. It is hard not to call you that after seeing your name with the 'Princess' moniker in front of it for so many years."

"I understand that. But please, as I said, my title and lineage doesn't really count anymore."

_Does Cagalli sound rueful?_ Athrun thought. She had disliked the title as long as he had known her. Kira had told Athrun once about how Cagalli had run away from Onogoro Island to fight the ZAFT because she was sick of the ceremonies and shelter. She had been chafing back home as well. Maybe it was just because the Seiran branch of the family was in control until Cagalli came of age.

Durendal nodded again in affirmation, and then stared at Athrun. "You know, Alex, you don't need to wear sunglasses in here. You'll find that this is a well-tinted section, here."

Athrun tried not to look as nervous as he felt when he turned to look at Durandal. "I apologize. Personal preference, nothing more, sir."

"Mmm." Durandal's thin lips contracted slightly, and said "If you wish to have a more convincing disguise, Athrun Zala, it'll take more than an unfamiliar haircut, hair dye, and sunglasses to fool someone who's seen you on television so many times."

_Now_ Athrun was shocked. "I-I-I don't know what you're talking about, sir! You must be mistaking me for someone else."

"And practice lying a little more. You are obviously unaccustomed to it. If you want to be more convincing I suggest actually using your false name more often," Durandal added.

Athrun leaned back against the seat in defeat. _Dammit. Just like that, all of this effort is worthless_.

Cagalli quickly changed the nature of the conversation. "The identity of my bodyguard is inconsequential. He needed a living and he passed all of my tests and he's an excellent bodyguard. Now, about the fact you're having Morgenroete personnel for military purposes . . . and using our Slants as pilots."

"We can discuss business when we arrive and can include Mrs. Naomi in the conversation," Durendal said. "I doubt she'd be pleased if we began our talks without her involvement."

He peered down for a moment. "You're wearing a marriage ring, Representative Athha. Congratulations. Your suitor is lucky man . . . he's sitting right next to you, isn't he?"

Both Cagalli and Athrun jumped at those words. Athrun was about to protest but Cagalli spoke first. "Chairman, my personal life is none of your business. Yes, someone did propose to me recently, and thank you for your favor, but I'm not much for small talk."

Durandal leaned back against the seat bench. "It's a simple deduction. Your bodyguard made numerous, if tiny, errors in escorting you down the carpet to the limousine. Unless he meant something to you in a personal way I couldn't see how you'd continue to include him on your missions, much less bring him here as a member of your detail."

Cagalli sighed in defeat. "Please don't give me a lecture, Chairman. Please remember we're meeting as equals. I don't appreciate your intrusions on my personal life and choices."

Durandal held up his hands. "You're correct, I am trespassing too far. I apologize. Perhaps we can discuss something else until we meet Ms. Mitsuda."

_Thank God,_ Athrun thought, sighing in relief. Realizing there was no point in a disguise right now, he took off his sunglasses and stared outside. Hopefully this would take his mind off matters for the moment.

Despite his best efforts, he began to stew in frustration. He had underestimated Durandal. Within a couple minutes of entering the vehicle, he had successfully deconstructed his identity and discerned his relationship with Cagalli. If Durandal could do _that_ there was no telling what else the man was capable of.

It occurred to Athrun that he had scarcely heard of Gilbert Durandal until he had taken power a year ago. He had risen virtually out of nowhere. Athrun looked at Durandal slightly suspiciously as the man chatted something far less penetrating and light-hearted with Cagalli.

_What exactly are you, Gilbert Durandal?_

_

* * *

_

Years ago, there would never have been Earth Alliance personnel wandering throughout a PLANT. More certainly not on shore leave. But that exactly was what Shinn Asuka was seeing as he walked down the shopping mall's pristine concrete sidewalks. He could tell. They looked to be more in a state of either surprise or utmost joy.

He had once been like that himself. PLANT environments were definitely glorious. It took a while to get used to the fact that, externally, the PLANTs seemed almost utopian in comparison to the urbanized, post-industrial societies making up most of the Earth Alliance. When there weren't any trash littering the sidewalks, and when the trees were _real_ and looked lavish, when the buildings were elegantly designed spires, it was difficult not to be in awe.

Perhaps he would take more time to enjoy the sights if he wasn't carrying so much baggage, literally. Why he had to carry _all_ of the bags was beyond him. Still, it was apparently a sign of being a good boyfriend, and he would follow it. At least for now. But if he had to carry a seventh bag full of random stuff, especially if it was purchased from his account, he would be close to screaming.

"Hey, Shinn! Shinn! Look at this one!" Stellar Loussier shouted in front of one of the storefronts. Shinn ran over as fast as he could, sweltering from a mixture of the heat and from carrying bags that felt like they were fifty pounds.

"What?" he gasped. He looked up towards what Stellar was pointing at. It apparently was some kind of classy skirt/robe-shirt combination, with primary navy and white colors with yellow trim on the skirt and the loose sleeves on the robe-skirt.

_Not more clothes,_ he silently groaned. _That one looks like a small fortune to have! And I have to buy it all! It's not like she can actually wear these most of the time!_

"Do you think it'll look good on me?" Stellar asked with a wide grin on her face.

_Do I really want to answer that?_ Shinn thought. He looked at the robe-shirt and skirt and looked at Stellar. It probably would, but he certainly didn't want to buy it.

"I think it would it look beautiful on you," he offered.

Her brown eyes appeared to glisten with joy then, and her smile became wider. She rushed forward and planted a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you, Shinn. Let's go inside and see if you're right!"

She opened the door and rushed inside, leaving Shinn standing outside, stunned. "Right. You go do that. I'm just going to collapse out here."

He lurched over to the nearest park bench and collapsed onto it, staring up at the distant ceiling. The birds and artificial clouds lent the sky an ambivalence that almost seemed natural. As he attempted to stretch out he thought he heard people giggling at him. Rising to his feet he saw two peculiar people dressed in civilian clothes standing over him.

Shinn guessed they were either Slants or Coordinators. "Okay. What is it? What're you two laughing at?" he asked.

The blue-haired one laughed. "ZAFT dude, you had no idea what you were getting into when you became Stellar's boyfriend. Classic test of hers."

"She certainly likes to dump stuff on her boyfriends. Probably the reason why she doesn't hold onto one for very long," the one with the buzzed green hair added.

"Are you two Sting Oakley and Auel Neider?" Shinn asked.

The blue-haired one froze mid-laugh and stared at Shinn dumbstruck. "How did you find out Auel's name?"

"Uh, she told me them and what you guys looked like. She doesn't just talk about shopping, you know. And why're you referring to yourself in the third person?"

"It's one of Auel's things," Sting Oakley said. Unlike Auel, he seemed reserved about Shinn discovering their identities. He looked towards the storefront, looking almost wistful. "So, Unlimited Girl, eh? Been Stellar's favorite place to shop since she first came here. Has blown out many boys' bank accounts in the process."

"Including Auel's," Auel Neider added as an afterthought. "But Auel Neider's heard you're a loaded man, Shinn Asuka. Lucky you."

Shinn looked away towards the ground, thinking back to how he had achieved such access to his money. "No, not really," he said.

"Auel, do yourself a favor and stop the third-person crap. You're weirding him out," Sting growled, misreading Shinn's face. Suddenly Shinn felt someone sit on the bench and he heard Sting talk to him. "Stellar only does this to a person once. You survive this and you're in the clear . . . for now."

"_Now_? Clarify that."

"Well, you see, this is just the first test of several for her boyfriends, to test their physical and mental capability. This is a combination of strength and patience," Sting said knowingly.

"And _why_ does she do this? Wouldn't it be easier for her to-" Shinn asked, looking up at a certain young woman coming out of the Unlimited Girl shop.

Not noticing the certain young woman's approach, Sting continued on. "It's not Stellar's way. She likes testing people. Very suspicious woman."

"Only with you two vultures trying to scare another boyfriend away. Wasn't the last four good enough for you two?"

The sound of Stellar's voice made Auel let out a short scream and Sting literally leaped a few inches off of his bench. Meanwhile, Shinn, who had seen Stellar coming the whole time, smiled knowingly. It seemed Stellar's two friends were quite the unintentional entertainers. Maybe he would have an easier time getting along with these two than he originally expected.

"Where did you come from?" Auel shouted.

"Scar-ee." Sting added.

"Were you two trying to convince my boyfriend that I'm trying to test him again?" Stellar asked, her hands on her hips.

"Um, uh . . . yes. Sorry," Auel mumbled.

Stellar sighed, then turned to Shinn. "Classic trick of these two idiots here. They try to scare my latest boyfriend out of the relationship by saying I'm going to run him through hoops and that sort of thing. Usually works."

"Is that so?" Shinn glared at Sting and then at Auel. "So you two were just trying to get me away from Stellar so you could have her to yourselves, that it?"

"Uh, no. Auel and Sting just want to make sure Stellar's dating someone worthy of her impeccable beauty." Auel looked towards Stellar imploringly. "Isn't that right?"

"Nice try." Suddenly, Stellar picked up one of the handled boxes she had been making Shinn carry and shoved it into Auel's arms. "Here, take this. I've been making Shinn carry far more than he should."

"Oof . . . what'd you put in here, rocks?" Auel groaned.

"Weights. Since we've been put here I've been wanting to get some muscle mass back on. By the sounds of you groaning, you could use to build some some muscle, too," Stellar replied.

"Auel still swears it is rocks . . ." Auel mumbled as Stellar leered at Sting. The green-haired, dark-eyed young man held up his hands in surrender.

"Okay, okay. We won't do it again! I swear!" Sting said.

"Good. Then maybe I'll be able to hold onto this one more than a few weeks." Stellar handed her bag to Sting. Just as Sting was sighing with relief she handed him two more bags, leaving Sting looking quite flustered.

"Pay them no mind," she told Shinn as he got up from the park bench. "They've got really bad senses of humor, especially Auel. Sting at least tries to be serious sometimes."

Perhaps as if remembering something, she suddenly turned back towards Sting. Perhaps expecting to be swarmed by more boxes and bags, Sting held up his occupied hands and exclaimed "I said I was sorry!"

"No, not that. Why're you two here for real? Usually when you two try to scare a boyfriend away you guys don't go through all of this effort. What's going on?" Stellar asked.

Sting, relaxing, said "We were sent to get you back. The squadron is going to be running live drills within two hours, and the commander wants everyone to be at the base in the hour. Since your radio was switched off we were sent to get you back."

"Oh," Stellar said, looking downcast for a moment. "I was hoping to . . . ah, can't be helped." She looked towards Shinn and smiled apologetically. "Looks like this is going to end earlier than we thought. Here's your card back. Thanks for letting me use it."

Shinn gratefully accepted the card and pocketed it. "I think the ZAFT base is along the way to the Earth Alliance's. That way we can all travel back home. I'm sure my squadron's wondering where the hell I am too," Shinn said.

"Sounds good." She turned towards Sting and Auel, who both flinched promptly. "C'mon, you two. Let's head back. I don't want to give the commander a reason to single us out."

Shinn nodded, looking down towards the ground. "Yeah. I know that feeling."

Stellar turned towards Shinn, and smiled calmly, as if sensing his churning emotions at the reminder of how their kind was treated. "It's the fate of the Slants. We're targeted 'cause we're superior on Earth, targeted 'cause we're inferior to the Coordinators."

She sighed. "C'mon, let's go. If we don't get going Auel's gonna collapse before we get back to base."

Gladdened by the distraction, Shinn looked up to see Auel stumbling back and forth, his face beginning to turn beet red. "Auel can do it! Auel can do it! Auel can't do it . . ." he said, before falling backwards on a patch of bushes.

Stellar's lips contracted and she flicked a few strands of her blonde hair away from her eyes. "Okay, we got problems now."

* * *

"Look at them, Saburo. So carefree. So glided. They run rambunctiously around without a worry, thinking the war's before, that there will be peace before long," Frederick Coolidge, ex-Commander and GINN pilot, said. He was a balding individual, who once had dark, slicked back hair, but it had begun to gray and thin out on top. His voice was gravelly and worn from decades of screaming orders at his pilots.

"Yeah, I see," Saburo Uzumaki, by far the younger of the group, said, as he stared as three of them frantically struggled to revive the one that collapsed. _They look more like high schoolers than military pilots,_ he noted.

"I'd never thought I'd see the day when Earth and ZAFT would willingly talk to each other so casually. I even think the ZAFT person is in love with the female Earth pilot, judging by their interactions," added the sultry voice of the third and final member of their trio, Indira Mehrvash. She was younger than Coolidge at twenty-five. She had dark, long violet hair, and knowing, lively teal eyes that Saburo constantly spotted staring at him.

Coolidge took a deep breath, and glanced at his watch. "Almost time. Then all of this will be over with." He looked towards Saburo, his dark eyes looking like they could pierce through Saburo at a moment's notice. "You are ready to do this, correct?"

"Of course," Saburo said, trying to keep all signs of his nervousness well away from his two partners. "I've been ready for this for a long while."

He nearly began fingering his 9-mm pistol, tucked neatly underneath his loose shirt. Thankfully, he resisted the temptation in time before he revealed the three of them for what they really were. At nineteen, with similar dark hair to the two adults and with sky-blue eyes, Saburo appeared to be of reasonable likeness to the two people older than him, allowing the trio to pose as family.

They were, of course, much different than that. Coolidge had served with the ZAFT up until after the battle of Jachin Doe. Chafing under the moderates, and infuriated further when he discovered that his two teenage children had been killed during the final battle, he had sought out the radical exile, Ezalia Joule. He had spent nearly the last three years sabotaging and attacking both the ZAFT moderates and Earth representatives and military personnel.

Indira Mehrvash had kept her reasons close to her, and it was said that not even Ezalia Joule herself knew why Mehrvash had joined up with the Coordinator Liberation Front. Mehrvash had apparently said she was bored and wanted something else to do besides mercenary work. Hard-pressed for recruits, Ezalia had allowed her to join, albeit after passing numerous loyalty and competence tests.

Indira stared longingly at the menu. "God, this beer is so freaking good. Couldn't I have just one glass?"

"No. First you'll want one, then another, and another, until you've passed out like usual. I need you sober for this, Indira. Don't blow this because of your impluses," Coolidge responded.

Indira made a small whimpering noise as she continued to stare at the menu. "Damn."

_Considering what this woman is like sober I don't wanna know what she's like drunk,_ Saburo thought. He had only known her for the past week, and his best impression of the woman was 'quirky' at the moment. Apparently she was even weirder and had no inhibitions at all when she was drunk. Considering Coolidge had to fight a long argument with her just for her to put jeans and a tank top on instead of her usual cargo shorts and sports bra Saburo didn't want to see what Indira was like even with one glass of beer down her throat.

She leaned back against her chair, and looked upwards at all of the memorabilia stacked all around the ceiling. "Look at all of this old stuff. Some of this has to date back before Coordinators even existed. Why do they bother even holding onto this old crap?"

She yawned. "Makes no freaking sense to me. We've evolved past any of this Natural crap."

Coolidge sighed. "Whether we've evolved past this point or not doesn't mean anything to me. Without the Naturals the Coordinators wouldn't even exist. We may not need or want the Naturals around anymore but their histories have shaped and influenced our own existence. That's why those of us with vision aspire to being far more than the primitive Naturals and the pretender Slants."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Save your propaganda about justice and superiority for someone who cares." Indira yawned again. "I just want to get this over with. The longer we spend here the more I'm being driven nuts by these jeans. So constricting and annoying."

"The goal of this is to _not_ draw any attention to ourselves, Indira," Coolidge growled.

"What's the point of being blessed with a body like mine if no one can see it?"

_Didn't they have this argument back at the safe house?_ Saburo thought, trying to keep his left eye from twitching and failing.

"You're still not leaving much to the imagination. Now stop trying to wreck this before it even begins," Coolidge said with finality.

Mehrvash suddenly turned towards Saburo, and Saburo felt a sinking feeling pass through him before the woman spoke. "Saburo, darling, please tell me you're not siding with the grumpy old man on this one. Wouldn't you like to see your 'mommy' happy?"

Saburo knew what the _right_ answer was to this, but was so nervous he babbled for a bit before he finally replied. "Uh, 'Mom', I think 'Dad' is right on this one. No point in drawing attention to ourselves."

Indira gave him a disgusted look. "God, you're as bad as ole` baldy over there. No senses of humor or fun. You're a young man. Learn to live a little."

Coolidge buried his head in his right hand. "Indira, you continue to do this I'll-"

Suddenly Coolidge's cell beeped. With a sigh, of either exasperation or relief, he answered the phone. "Yes?"

Pause. Coolidge's eyes widened. "Already? Why's it moving ahead of schedule already? Possibly? What'd ya mean you don't know? Then I suggest you get on it."

Indira leaned across the table and whispered to Saburo "Betcha something's already been botched in the grand plan, here. We might have to get moving in a little bit. Might want to get ready to get moving really fast."

Saburo nodded as Coolidge continued to argue with the caller. "Listen, none of us are . . . okay, okay. Rendezvous point in a half hour. Understood. Yes, she's under control but driving me nuts. Okay. Bye."

"I'm going to kill that man after this is over," Indira grumbled. Saburo didn't know whether she was joking or was really planning on going through with it, there was no telling with Indira.

Coolidge flipped the phone shut and stared at the two of them. "All right. They think we might've been compromised, they want us to get out of here and to the backup point within a half hour. We've lost contact with one of our cells and another has taken casualties from a ZAFT attack. Let's get out of here before something else happens."

He quickly yanked out his chit card and swiped it and entered his PIN number. After paying for the meal by pressing numbers on the keypad he announced "Okay, done. Let's move. They'll give us backup supplies at the point, they think they might've gotten all of the safe houses. C'mon, Saburo."

Indira sighed, and much to Saburo's surprise sported a wide grin. "Maybe this will be more exciting than I thought," she said.

_Why is she on our team, again?_ Saburo thought.

Somehow, Saburo was the one who left the restaurant first. He opened the glass door, and didn't see it coming. Suddenly, he found himself crashing against someone and he felt his skull bang against something _hard_. For one dazed, horrified moment, Saburo thought he had been shot.

But he quickly discerned he hadn't. As he opened his eyes and rubbed his pounding forehead, he found a young man, close to his age, sprawled on the ground holding his head in his hands, groaning. He had tanned skin that looked either Latino or Arabic, and sand-colored hair and blue eyes that hinted of mixed ancestry.

"Khalid, where the hell did you-oh." Saburo looked up to see a tall, breaded man who appeared to be in his mid-forties rush over. "Watch where you're going next time," the man said.

"Yes, Dad. Sorry." Khalid looked towards Saburo. "Sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going. Are you okay?"

"He's not dead, is he Khalid? Now c'mon, get up." The man hauled Khalid to his feet and brushed off his shirt. The breaded man then looked at Saburo, then at Coolidge and Mehrvash, trying to look polite but Saburo could see the annoyance in his dark eyes.

"I apologize. Khalid doesn't always look where he's going. It's something he hasn't grown out of yet."

"That's okay," Mehrvash said with a forced laugh. "Saburo doesn't pay enough attention to the world himself. He'll be okay."

The man looked relieved at that. "All right, Khalid. Let's get out of here before we cause these people any more trouble."

"Uh, yes Dad." And just like that, they walked down the sidewalk, walking extremely quickly.

Saburo rose to his feet as he watched them walk away. _Strange people,_ he thought as he still rubbed his head. _They seem to be in quite a bit of rush like us._

Coolidge breathed a sigh of relief. "All right, we lucked out there. I was worried we'd be blown. Now let's move before anything _else_ happens."

"Yeah," Saburo said, as he followed Coolidge and Mehrvash down the parking lot. After all, he still has a mission to follow through on, and people to avenge, much like Coolidge. The Earth Alliance had robbed him of Satoshi, his older brother, and had murdered Kasumi, his younger sister, not to mention the uncle who had raised him. And the ZAFT did themselves no better by executing his mother for treason.

That was why he was here today. That was why he was going to fight. He would never let himself forget those deaths, even if someday everything was righted. They were all gone, and nothing would bring them back, but at least he would help bring his mother's goals to fruition. Now that was a worthy cause. That was why he had joined the organization, took all of the required training, and was ready to fight for the Coordinator race.

He looked one more time at the vanishing father and his son. They were probably Coordinators like him. He hoped he wouldn't accidentally kill them in the upcoming conflict, but then war caused casualties on both sides. He had seen that during the last war, and it would likely repeat himself in the new one. However, despite it all, if Ezalia Joule's plan worked, this war would be a lot briefer than the last one.

Because then all that would be left would be the ZAFT. And wasn't that the goal of every Coordinator. Saburo looked to where those arrogant Earthians and their ZAFT collaborator had been hanging around.

_I'll have you people know this war hasn't ended yet. It will just be won by people you idiots never expected,_ he thought. He then ran after Coolidge and Mehrvash, intent on accomplishing the righteous mission.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: Kindling**

_Does anything happen to me? I take what comes . . . _  
-Marcus Aurelius

"See, look, there it is," Shinn said, pointing to the spiral-shaped control tower. Hangars and large building populated the whole base, and periodically a Mobile Suit would return to launch to go on patrol throughout the region. At the gates a heavily-armed guard post stood, awaiting any would-be attacker. There were also dozens of patrols with dogs wandering the base, searching for bombs set by infiltrators.

"Wow," Stellar said. "ZAFT works really hard at security. Makes me wish I was with them."

"Why? How's Earth's security?" Shinn asked.

Stellar gave him a look. "I'm not at liberty to say."

"C'mon. Like I'm going to tell ZAFT what your security's like."

"It's high. Perhaps not as involved as yours but it's pretty good, I think," Stellar replied.

Shinn nodded. "Can't have enough security with all of the terror attacks. It's terrible. I almost had to shoot someone a week ago. My commander got him, though, before I had to do it."

Stellar cast her eyes down towards the ground. "I did have to kill someone. Two months ago. One of the hardliners got in to my bunk and I was the only one who had a pistol ready."

Shinn paused, thinking about this. Stellar had never told him about this. Then again, it wasn't exactly dinner or dating conversation, but . . . he thought why she thought to hide this from him. They had been dating straight for two months, and in his eyes were growing close. He gazed at Stellar. "Why didn't you tell me this?" he asked.

"I didn't want you to know you're dating a killer." Now there were tears starting to appear in Stellar's eyes. "I was thinking what you would think of someone who shot somebody-"

"Stellar, stop it." Stellar looked at gazed directly into Shinn's eyes at the sound of his voice.

Shinn tried to smile comfortingly. He had never thought of Stellar as someone who would, or in this case, _did_ kill somebody, but right now he wasn't going to let that knowledge alter his opinion or perspective of her. "You really think I'm going to break off the relationship because you did something soldiers have to do? From the sounds of it you fired the gun out of self-defense, and to protect others to boot. I would've done the same in your position."

"I don't even know why I told you this," Stellar said.

"You told me because you trust me, that's why." Shinn lifted his left hand, shook the bag down to his arm, and pressed it against Stellar's cheek. "We shouldn't be hiding anything from each other. You did what you had to do. I would shoot a gun to protect my friends or you, and what you did is nothing to be ashamed about. It's not like you did it in cold blood or are bragging about it, right?"

"No," Stellar said. A small smile spread across her face. "Thanks, Shinn. I'm glad you care. Really."

"That's great." Shinn was thinking of something touching to say when unfortunately one of their accidental companions decided to insert himself into the conversation.

"That would be really touching . . . if you two weren't such dirtbags to leave us with all of the heavy bags! My arms hurt!" Auel shouted.

"Yeah! Mine too!" Sting added. Then he turned towards Auel quizzically, his voice almost low enough to be inaudible. "Hey, you dropped out of third person!"

"I'm too tired to do that right now! I just wanna go to base and flop on the bunk and snooze," Auel replied.

Stellar looked towards them and repeated the hands-on-hips pose she had adopted when she had spotted them talking to Shinn. "If you two weren't such jerks and tried to scare my boyfriend away I wouldn't be making you carry all of the heavy bags! He's the best one I've ever had, so you two deserve it."

_The best one she's ever had?_ Shinn thought. He thought about what Stellar had said earlier. _She said she had four others before me . . . hey, I must be awesome or something to beat out four other guys!_

He immediately began to blush as he thought about what Stellar had said, but quickly froze when Stellar turned around and looked at him in the eyes. He instantly felt his throat constrict as she walked towards him. "Those two are harmless . . . once you get around their mouths. They have no bite but their barks are misleading."

"You're lucky we have a 'no-hitting-girls' policy!" Auel shouted.

"Even if you two didn't I'd still kick both your butts, and both of you know it," Stellar responded.

_She sure seems to hang around strange people. Wonder if that makes me weird too,_ Shinn thought. He looked at her as she continued her taunting match with Auel. _Hard to believe she's really shot somebody . . . she doesn't seem like a killer to me. She just rolls with it and only reflects when she has time to._

When Auel finally ran out of verbal ammunition, Stellar finally turned to Shinn as Sting placed a hand on Auel's shoulder, congratulating him for a good effort. "See what I mean, there? They're a lot of fun to hang around, though they're basically grown kids."

"Right. Well, let's get out of here. I'll hand you the remaining bags when we get down there," Shinn said.

Suddenly, Stellar looked melancholy, and she glanced down towards the ground again. _What'd I say?_ Shinn thought in sudden alarm.

She looked up, and gave him a sad smile. "I don't think it's a good idea for the two of us to be seen together right now. If ZAFT is anything like us they're going to keep records of whoever passes by. If they cross-check me, Auel, and Sting they'll find out we're from Earth, and you're going to be in trouble for hanging around with somebody from the EA. I really don't want to be the cause of you being questioned by some idiot with a score to settle against the EA."

"Oh. Yeah," Shinn said. He looked towards the base. _We definitely do that, too. And if the information somehow gets to Earth . . . Stellar could get hurt, too._

"I understand," he said. He looked towards Stellar, trying to hide his mixed feelings with a grin, but he realized that she knew nevertheless. "I guess this is goodbye until we can both get leave at the same time, right?"

"Yeah. We can call each other and arrange to have our leaves at the same time, though. We'll see each other before long," Stellar said reassuringly. "I promise I won't yank as much off your card, either. I wouldn't think your parents will be too happy if I keep making you pay for stuff."

_Oh. I haven't told her yet. Speak for yourself about trust. She has no idea, no idea at all,_ Shinn thought. Three years ago was still burned in his memory, what remained before was imprisoned somewhere in his room to remind him of happier times. Back when he wasn't alone.

_But I won't be, right? If I get this to work I'll be with Stellar. I won't be alone anymore. Maybe I'll even have some friends in the people she hangs out with._ It was a tempting thought, filled with promise, but if he screwed up he would definitely be alone again. That was something he was desperate not to have, not when he had an opportunity to escape from it.

Sure, there were the mechanics he could joke around with, but they weren't really friends. More like envious fans if Slants, intolerant backstabbers if Coordinator. After all, how many Slants had managed to make it to being a Mobile Suit pilot? Most ZAFT Slants were stuck doing monkey jobs, grunt work, labor. He actually had managed to become a pilot, a rarity among his kind.

"Uh, okay," Shinn said, trying to be noncommittal. He could tell Stellar about his situation later. "I'll see you later, all right?"

Stellar nodded. "Okay. I had a wonderful time."

She suddenly pulled Shinn in and kissed him on the mouth for five seconds. After they separated Stellar took Shinn's bags and said "I'll talk you later, Shinn."

Shinn, still feeling the aftereffects of the kiss, merely mumbled "Yeah, okay. Thanks for everything."

Stellar and her two friends left him then. Auel and Sting both looked a little jealous of Shinn, the ZAFT pilot momentarily wondered if either, or both, of the Earth pilots had feelings for Stellar. Suddenly, Shinn smiled knowingly. Of course they did. That had to be their motives for scaring her boyfriends half to death.

Suddenly, he heard a horn beep behind him. Shinn nearly jumped into the air, but as he turned around he saw a open-roofed vehicle crammed with four ZAFT personnel there.

He saw, and heard, one of the occupants give a wolf whistle. "Way to get some, Shinn!" Vino Dupre said. He was sprightly, energetic young man with brown hair that had a patch of red in it. He was also the most hardcore fan of Lacus Clyne's music Shinn had ever met.

"Does she have any cute friends? I want some, too!" Yolant Kent, a tall, relatively muscular man who was a little older than both Vino and Shinn, added.

Shinn instantly flushed. _Did they see that?_ he thought with fright. Seeing the sly, fox-like grins on Yolant's and Vino's faces, the look of disdain of the lone woman in the car, Lunamaria Hawke, and the quiet, annoyed appearance of Shinn's commander, Rey Ze Burrel, they probably _had_.

"Get in the car, Ensign," Lunamaria finally said. She was around Shinn's age, with violet-red hair and blue eyes. "We were sent to find you. You're supposed to be getting ready for patrol. I was _hoping_ you'd be doing something useful but instead you're running around kissing a girl."

"Lunamaria, that's enough," Rey Ze Burrel interjected. He was a deadly serious man of around twenty years of age, with long blonde hair that definitely flouted military regulations and blue eyes. However, ZAFT commanders could disregard some aspects of hair regulation, and perhaps the long hair showed that Rey had stronger opinions than his nature let on.

He looked at Shinn then. "Get in the back. We're running behind schedule."

"Uh, yeah, understood," Shinn replied and he ran towards the back seat of the car. He opened the door and Yolant moved into the middle of the back bench.

The moment they got off Shinn found himself bombarded with questions from both Vino and Yolant.

"So, how old is she?"

"Slant or Coordinator?"

"Is she from the Earth Alliance base?"

"Please tell me she's got a cute friend who's available."

"Was that your first kiss?"

"Were those two guys her ex-boyfriends?"

_Help . . ._ Shinn thought. It seemed Lunamaria was too amused to butt in, and Rey was being his usual quiet self, letting Shinn be hung out to dry under the barrage of questions.

Still being flooded by questions as they made the left towards the ZAFT base, for the first time in long while, Shinn was actually looking _forward_ towards getting into a Mobile Suit. It couldn't be any worse than what he was facing now . . .

* * *

"You almost got us in a lot of trouble, Khalid," said Omar al Tariq, the leader of the operation and the one acting as Khalid's guardian until the battle actually began. "If they had seen your pistol the whole operation would have been compromised."

"Yes, sir, I apologize," Khalid replied. He was seventeen years old, with dark brown eyes and hair and a tanned complexion. He was from the Middle East, specifically from the Arab Caliphate that extended from the Middle East into much of northern Africa. It was considered to be the weakest member of the Earth Alliance, but if there was anything these attacks were proving, it was that the Caliphate had the most fighting spirit.

The ZAFT had conquered nearly of the Caliphate in the previous war. Even though the peace treaty had required them to pull out, and they had, they had done nothing to help the Caliphate rebuild itself. No, they had left everyone behind to starve and suffer. They had killed Khalid's family and fiancee. The country was lying in ruins and poverty because of the war, and it had been all the ZAFT's fault.

The Earth Alliance wasn't being much better. Their paltry attempts at aid were far too meager to do anything than enrich the once-ZAFT collaborators that had been left in power. The EA was also far too reluctant to make the ZAFT pay for their role in the war. If anything, the EA was acting like a defeated country, cowering in front of the ZAFT.

But Khalid was still willing to fight for justice and to stop these Coordinator bastards from continuing to dominate the Earth, and to exact his revenge on them for killing _his_ people, his family, his beloved . . .

"Ah ha," Omar said. "There we go, Khalid. The rendezvous point. I am sure Lord Djibril had ensured our supply of weapons. In just a short time, Khalid, we will have struck the ultimate statement to the Coordinators. They will learn what it is like to be attacked on their own artificial soil like never before."

Khalid looked at the building. It looked ordinary enough, like an average apartment. But it was secretly owned by Blue Cosmos, one of the few organizations of Earth that was still willing to fight the Coordinators. The name of their leader, Djibril, meant 'angel' in Arabic, and this made several of the older members of the group think that this was a sign that they were doing God's work.

Khalid personally remained uncertain about that reasoning. He wasn't doing this for religious reasons like a few of the true fanatics here, or for ideology like some of the others. He was simply doing this so some ZAFT bastard felt what it was like to lose a loved one. He hoped he would get to kill a wife or husband today. That way, the survivor will know what he felt like everyday, he or she'd know what it was like to be in agony over a lost love.

Omar walked forward towards the door and knocked four times. That was part of the identification system. It reminded the occupants to treat the guests differently than an ordinary person.

The shutter in the door opened, and Khalid saw dark eyes staring out at him. "Password?"

"To purify today."

"Second?"

"For greener pastures."

"Third?"

"In a brighter tomorrow."

"Good. You must be Cell 9, then. Come inside. Quickly. Lord Djibril wishes to speak with all of us." The man opened the door and quickly ushered Omar and Khalid inside the apartment, and across the thin hallway.

Khalid didn't recognize the man leading them. That was not surprising. Cells weren't supposed to know the identities of other cells, in case of a compromise like the one Omar had been referring to.

The man said, brushing a brow filled with sweat, "It's been a mess. ZAFT's been wiping out cells left and right. We barely have enough men left to assemble a strike force capable of achieving our objectives."

Omar nodded. "How many people do we have left?"

"Including you, the boy, and myself, ten."

Khalid's eyes widened. There initially was supposed to be _twenty_ people involved. And Omar had known of only a couple of cells being compromised. What was happening to the plan?

Omar seemed equally surprised. "How many cells have been intercepted."

"Far too many," the man growled. "Not much I can do about it. Barely made it here myself with my skin intact. The rest of my cell went down in a gun battle ten miles from here. I had to steal a motorbike and jump a barricade. "

Omar nodded. "I understand. But we must do this. For our people. For those who were martyred by these _creatures_. They masquerade as humans, no, something _superior_ to humanity and yet they are even more fallible to our worst impulses than we are. It's time they knew some terror instead of us."

It was a typical speech that described what all of the cells felt like. But right now, Khalid was too terrified of being caught by the ZAFT to listen to another version of the speech. "What happened? What compromised us?"

"I dunno. It's not an infiltrator, we all did blood checks when we first came here to make certain we weren't Coordinators. Dumb luck? Some bug that was hidden? I have no idea." Then they came upon a door on the first floor, to the right of the stairwell. "This is it, my comrades. Djibril knows of our struggles and he has still managed to provide us with a contingency."

Without another word, Omar and Khalid walked inside the door, while the man walked back outside, presumably to check the front door of the apartment. Much to Khalid's surprise, it was empty.

"Omar, what are we-"

"Shush. Look around with your eyes rather than waste your time with talk." Omar suddenly walked towards the small brown ottoman on the living room floor, arrayed in front of a typical plasma television. It was a small, cube-like device that shone like a prism when exposed to light. Omar found a switch and activated it on the cube, and set it down as the image flickered to light.

Djibril, despite his Arabic name, was a pale, violet-haired man with a strong, imposing appearance. He was also quite handsome in the classical way, making him look like a human counterpart to his namesake, "angel".

It was clearly an automated message, one he had crafted in the case of a problem. "Welcome, occupants-or occupant-of Cell 9. If you are watching this message then the mission or a cell involved in the mission has been compromised, whether through infiltration, attack, or perhaps something else.

"Regardless of the circumstances, you and our comrades must succeed in this mission! In the case the ZAFT perversions had managed to penetrate the cells, I have stashed secret munitions in houses filled with sympathizers to our cause. They are deep black operatives, serving as double agents, and some are even Coordinators who have forsaken their fellows. They will provide your cell with the munitions you need to accomplish your task."

Djibril then laid out the apparent coordinates, before Khalid could react, Omar was already writing them down with a pen on a small memo notepad. He was a remarkably quick writer, Khalid saw. He was keeping up almost precisely with the words spoken by Djibril.

Then, once the coordinates were revealed, Djibril began to speak again. "Now that you have your secret house's coordinates, I will tell you your task: it hasn't changed. It remains the same as when you arrived.

"You will strike the ZAFT base codenamed 'Hawking'. Located inside that base, as previous briefed, are highly advanced technological weapons of mass destruction and genocide. These machines fall under the 'GUNDAM' designation and are code-named 'Impulse', 'Savior', 'Abyss', 'Gaia', and 'Chaos'. Their appearances have already been shown to you on your initial briefing documents. There are also new Mobile Suits called the 'Zaku' and the 'Blaze Zaku Phantom', but these are secondary targets and must remain so.

"Destroying the five GUNDAMs are absolutely imperative and must not fail! Succeed in your task and survive and you will receive a most generous, if Earthly, reward. If you perish as martyrs your beliefs have taught you what happens to you. Now go on, brave soldiers for the purity and sanctity of Earth. For a blue and pure-"

Omar switched it off then. "Blah," he said. "He has provided much for us, but I'm sickened of his propaganda. He thinks of us as slaves, peons to throw out and do all the fighting for him."

Khalid was surprised. It wasn't like Omar to be this cynical. "But he is right. The Coordinators are-"

"They are sentient, have feelings and minds, and look almost exactly like us save for their usually peculiar hair. They have been created by science, but it's been largely forgotten that it was we, humans, that created the Coordinator.

"I could care less about the propaganda. All I know is that I'll be able to kill some Coordinators and destroy the worst weapons they made. That is the right amount of payback they deserve for taking my entire family from me. Everything else is unnecessary and I don't care about it right now." He looked at Khalid then. "You haven't allowed yourself to be taken in by Djibril's crap like the man at the door, have you?"

"Um, no!"

"Then let's get going. We do not have much time. We have to do this under rushed conditions, under less than desirable circumstances . . . never mind. Hurry. We must go and attack before 'Hawking' is alerted that we haven't been crushed yet."

And then Omar got up and left, and Khalid following, trying to discern the difference between Omar and Djibril. What he could tell was different, he wasn't sure he liked.

What if Omar was right? And if he was right, what exactly _was_ Djibril, and what were his motivations. Was this a much bigger game than Khalid expected, and he was just some pawn on a chessboard?

Khalid was shivering all the way to the safe house.

* * *

Naomi Mitsuda surprised Athrun immediately. She didn't seem much older than Murrue Ramius, at least in external appearance. She had dark, Oriental-shaped eyes and dark, straight hair. She was also small, even Cagalli seemed to be taller than her. Despite this, Naomi looked like a woman to be respected, and had the eyes of an experienced politician.

"Hello, Chairman Durandal, Princess Athha," she said, in a smooth voice undoubtedly trained to sound that way.

"Please, don't call me 'Princess'. The title means little to me right now," Cagalli said.

"My apologies." Naomi bowed then, and then sat down at the small table. She and Durandal were sitting across from each other, while Cagalli sat at the other end. Athrun found himself standing by the doorway, watching the conversation from behind Cagalli.

Naomi said "I must apologize again. Like Prin-I mean, _Representative_ Athha, I am not much for small talk, despite what my home culture may tell you. May we proceed to business?"

"Of course," Durandal responded.

"Gladly," Cagalli said.

Then, Athrun watched the game of politicians as they forced their emotions internally and maintained their polite facades. Making proposals, trying to structure deals, discussing an incident here, a rogue group there, trying to think of something that all three could build upon.

Of course, Cagalli's mind was already made up on one aspect. At one point, she said "It seems that the two of you have forgotten this, but there are Orb workers situated here at the military bases in the area . . . _and_ in Earth Alliance federations. Part of any deal must contain the condition to allow me to bring them back home so they do not have to keep toiling in foreign lands.

"Morgenroete is an Orb corporation. They are not mercenaries to use in a military technology race, and to use them in that manner is something my country, including the Sierans, find intolerable."

_Cagalli, temper the language . . ._ Athrun silently warned her.

Naomi looked faintly annoyed, but Durandal's facade remained calm. "Of course, Representative Athha. I realize that we have been using Morgenroete personnel and information for military purposes. This is nothing less than to maintain our military strength."

"And we do the same, so we can maintain our military strength." Naomi cocked an eyebrow at Durandal then. "It's well known that the ZAFT have been constructing new Mobile Suits that are superior to the current models, yet barely miss straddling the lines outlined by the Junius Treaty."

Durandal gave Naomi a sly smile. "ZAFT intelligence, of course, has discovered the same about you."

Naomi responded by briefly sputtering, the first time she seemed completely off guard. Even though Athrun could not see Cagalli's face, he could tell by her fists clenching that she was rapidly losing her patience.

Naomi was about to say something, but then Cagalli interrupted with an "_Enough_!" that would have made her father proud.

Cagalli took a deep breath, and said "This is not going to solve anything. All the two of you are doing is squabble like children while _my_ country's citizens are used to create new war weapons! This is supposed to be a meeting to promote _peace_! _Understanding_! The new weapons being constructed, and the usage of Orb's military information and personnel to create these weapons is unacceptable, and both of you know it."

Naomi finally snapped, which Athrun had been expecting for a while. "Silence, _child_. From what I understand, your country's not any better. Or do you have a way to explain your new 'Murasame' models?"

Cagalli from the back looked frozen in time and Athun guessed that she had been caught completely off guard and her face showed it. _Earth Alliance intelligence is as adept as ever._ he thought.

"That . . . that wasn't my idea. I was overruled by the Sierans," she said.

Durandal, to his credit, looked sympathetic, but it easily could be a disguise to attempt to drive Cagalli into his camp. Athrun couldn't be certain. "I understand your predicament, Representative. There was a long period where the moderates in the ZAFT . . . and the Earth Alliance, were both shafted in favor of the radicals. Unfortunately, the distrust between all three powers here seems to be much for the moment."

He stood up then, and Athrun guessed he was going to make some dramatic gesture. However, he hadn't been remotely guessed what Durandal was about to say. "That is why we will return the Morgenroete personnel and information unilaterally, effective one week from today. I discussed this with my council yesterday and they agreed and the resolution has been signed with the required three-quarters majority and then some."

_Nice move, Durandal,_ Athrun thought. With this ZAFT could reach out to Orb, and making such a move made them look more benevolent to all sides of the conflict. However, nothing would halt the fact that the Orb information had undoubtedly been copied and memorized, and that the personnel had passed on their knowledge and expertise to the ZAFT. And unless the Earth Alliance had made a similar move they would lose the moral ground.

From the look in her eyes Naomi Mitsuda realized this. She finally spoke after several moments of silence. "How can we confirm, Chairman, that this will go into effect?" Naomi asked.

"I will be sure to have it broadcast via satellite and have Orb supervise this operation. If Representative Athha approves of course."

"It is. Well, at least until I discuss it with my uncle and cousin. But they probably won't reject it," Cagalli said.

Mitsuda said "If ZAFT follows through on this then the Earth Alliance will release their share of Morgenroete personnel and documents a full week _after_ ZAFT releases theirs. No exceptions, and of course this must be discussed with the Earth Alliance Security Council and the various heads of states that have Morgenroete personnel and/or documents."

Her face became kinder then. "But, if the ZAFT releases theirs as a show of good faith there is no doubt that the Earth Alliance will follow through. Moderates dominate most of the federations and countries, now, and same with the security council. Other than Asia, which has become notably more hard-line save the Korea and Japan sectors, I can safely guarantee that Orb will have their people and information returned."

_What do you know. A success. Sort of._

Cagalli nodded. "As Representative, I accept these conditions and will present them to the current ruling family. It should be accepted and then this will be settled."

"Good," Naomi said.

Durandal nodded. Then he looked at Cagalli and said "I believe one of your wishes, in our conversations before you arrived, Representative, was to see what exactly the Morgenroete personnel have been building?"

"Yes," Cagalli said.

"Then let's take a break. After such a breakthrough after such a tiring argument, a walk should do us some good before we continue our talks. We have counter-terrorism arrangements to settle as well as Representative Athha's proposal of a common currency to discuss before the summit can end."

"You're going to show us your new weapons?" Naomi asked suspiciously.

"It _is_ only fair," Durandal said. "Of course, if you show me yours. Doesn't need to be a personal tour. Photographs would be fine."

Athrun realized this was all for show. Both heads of state knew about the weapons and Mobile Suits being created by both sides. This would be redundant. Then why . . .

Athrun realized then that Durandal was trying to woo Cagalli, and thus, influence the Orb Union. By seeming to be this reasonable, kind, knowledgeable and honorable individual, he spoke well to the Orb traditions. And by the look on Naomi's face she knew it. To refuse such an invitation and shut it down would undoubtedly annoy, if not anger, the Representative and drive her further towards Durandal. Either way, it was completely lose-lose.

Naomi finally stood up. "Fine then. We will take a tour and see the new Mobile Suits for ourselves. And Durandal, you will have your desired photographs wired to your computer within the hour. I have brought multiple staff, I will have them comply."

Durandal nodded. "Good. Then let's take a tour of Hawking MS Base, then. It's a modern facility, and quite safe. It is also fairly close to the Earth Alliance outpost we allowed you to assemble, so if there is trouble there will be EA backup. You will also see that Mirage Celloid and Neutron Jammers are not being equipped to the new Mobile Suits, either. So you will see there is nothing to worry about when it comes to the ZAFT."

Athrun wondered if Cagalli realized Durandal's tactics. When she briefly turned around, he got a glimpse of her face. She had a most familiar look in her eyes. She _definitely_ knew what Durandal was trying to do.

"Okay," she finally said. "Let's go, then. Let's see what you have done using _my_ country's citizens."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: Trigger Pull**

_We have grasped the mystery of the atom and rejected the Sermon on the Mount. The world has achieved brilliance without wisdom, power without conscience. Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. We know more about war than we know about peace, more about killing than we know about living._  
-General Omar Bradley

Saburo Uzumaki knew he was about to meet his destiny. In just a few short moments, the operation would begin. There was a chill in the air, surprising in the strictly regulated climate of the PLANT. He knew it should feel somewhat warm, but not overly so-it was supposed to be mimicking late spring. He realized it was his fear, fear of what could go wrong, fear of being shot, fear of being killed or left behind that was making him cold, making him shiver.

Frederick Coolidge looked grave, but calm. The man was a veteran soldier. He knew combat well enough to know what to expect. According to people who knew Coolidge, he had been shot down twice in the last war and had to fight on the ground. So he even knew what ground combat was like, and what measures to take.

Indira seemed to be salivating. She was holding a standard ZAFT rifle with a grenade launcher attachment that fired heat-seeking rocket-propelled grenades. To Saburo, she seemed close to a basket case, but if the Front couldn't trust her she wouldn't be here. Then again, this would be Saburo's first major action, _ever_. The Front was becoming pressed for recruits, and unless they scored a major blow, their losses would soon become unsustainable.

"That's right, my little angel," Indira whispered, perhaps to Saburo, or to her rifle, or even to her body. "Get ready. There's going to be so much _excitement_. So much fun."

_Basket case,_ Saburo silently declared with finality.

The overall leader of the operation was a woman in her early forties who had also survived Jachin Doe, Janeane Cruz, whose name suggested mixed ancestry. She looked as wizened by war as Coolidge, and she spoke quietly, yet with a firmness that _made_ Saburo listen. She seemed to capture the attention of everyone in the safe house, even Indira stopped talking to herself (or to Saburo, or to her gun) to listen.

"Welcome, everyone. In just a half-hour, First Phase of Operation Burning Sky will begin. Take a good look around yourselves, for this will be the first, and _last_ time you will see many of them."

"Not a big loss for me," Indira whispered. Saburo's shivers quickly became worse, and his hands gripped his arms in an attempt to suppress his quivering.

Cruz continued. "This is going to be a high-casualty operation, and you _will_ be shooting and watching your comrades get _shot_. But none of you would be here if you didn't know that. Before you ask _why_ this operation is essential to Burning Sky, let me say that I have seen all of the specifics and naunces of the plan. Attacking Hawking plays a large role in the overall plan laid out by Ezalia Joule, but due to clearance and the likelihood you'll be captured I cannot inform those of you I haven't already told about Second Phase."

_Thanks for the morale boost and telling us we're important, lady,_ Saburo thought.

Cruz said "The reason why we're all here is because we're all pilots. We are all Coordinators of the finest caliber. Most of us have seen combat before or tested well in the simulations. To those who have seen this before; this is going to be the most intense firefight you will have ever experienced. To those who are new; this will be the most harrowing experience, more so than the simulations can predict. For all; anything can go wrong, and we must prepare to improvise as necessary.

"Now for the aspects of the plan. Our intelligence says that the ZAFT collaborators have begun assembling new Mobile Suits, including five special prototypes. One of our people on the inside also says that the ZAFT Chairman is planning on touring the facility today with the head of the Earth Alliance and the Orb Representative."

The sultry, excited grin on Indira's face frightened Saburo more than the combat to come.

"However, I will emphasize that the Chairman and his counterparts are _secondary_ objectives and must be treated as targets of opportunity _only_. We cannot guarantee their exact location when we begin the operation. If you see them and think you can take them out, do it. Burning Sky will have a better chance of success if the governments are in crisis. But the GUNDAMs are what is most necessary. We need the firepower and the morale boost, especially considering how difficult Burning Sky's second phase will be."

_Second Phase this, Second Phase that. What the hell is it?_ Saburo thought.

"There are five, along with Zakus and Zaku Phantoms stationed there if more than five of us survive and need a Mobile Suit. Our intelligence has mapped them out for us. "Saviour", "Impluse", and "Chaos" are in the largest hangar, Hangar 8. That is where most of the experimental equipment is. Intel suggests that "Gaia" and "Abyss" are being moved to Hangar 9, which means they've been tested and likely more identical models will be made of those Mobile Suits. But, as they remain the only ones in existence as this time they do represent an advantage.

"Hangars 1 through 6 do not contain Mobile Suits, they are mostly battleship and ground combat technology. Hangar 7 contains Zakus and the Phantoms, and the other three hangars contain standard GINNs. Do to the important hangars' proximity to the northeastern corner of the base we _will_ be striking from the north end, and make quick left as soon as we can to reach the Mobile Suits. We will be using vehicles for this task, they are stashed underneath the house and we will be essentially ramming our ways through the gates and to the hangars.

"A lot of the people there are mechanics and engineers and are from Orb. They do not have any particular loyalty to the ZAFT, have limited military training, and will most likely choose to retreat rather than fight us. However, there are a substantial amount of trained ZAFT soldiers based at the facility, along with _four_ squadrons' worth of pilots who _will_ run for their GINNs, and, in one squadron's case, the Zakus, at the first sign of trouble. The pilots _have_ been trained in infantry weapons and they _will_ shoot with accuracy."

_This is sounding more and more like a suicide mission,_ Saburo thought. How was he just going to survive the attack, much less the extraction-by-thievery? How would he be able to get into a Mobile Suit, his only way out, with ZAFT's military shooting at him the whole way? And even if he _did_ get into a Mobile Suit, what would prevent the ZAFT from shooting him down? _Especially_ if he was using _just_ a GINN?

Indira's words weren't comforting to him either. He was left with the conclusion that she had lost her mind. "That's right. Let the mothers all come. Let them try and take me and my baby," she whispered

_Please let her rifle be the "baby",_ Saburo silently begged whoever might be omnipotent enough to be listening.

Cruz was continuing on. Yet she was talking with a renewed urgency. "I have faith in all of you. We are making this blow for all Coordinators everywhere who desire to be liberated from the collaborators. With the new weapons, we will have the firepower capable of changing, well, _everything_."

She then became more solemn, but her words seemed to be inspiring enough for the group. "And, one last thing: I personally promise I won't forget any of the faces in this room regardless of what happens out there. You are all brave for coming here. Willing to sacrifice yourselves in every way for the cause and for our Coordinator species. Those who try to break our solidarity, our spirit, and try to kill us in body and mind, they will learn a lesson today, I am sure of it."

_Noticed she didn't say "We will win today",_ Saburo thought as everyone in the room applauded. They could learn a multitude of lessons soon. One of them could easily be _The Coordinator Liberation Front is filled with incompetent imbeciles_.

Cruz nodded and said "Load up. It's time we showed the collaborators what we're capable of."

Yet another ambiguous statement for Saburo to think about as he prepared.

* * *

The simulated weather on the PLANT was as reliable as ever. All it needed was an occasional shower and it mimicked late-spring accurately. One of the things Athrun missed about the ZAFT was the elegance of their surroundings, how they kept everyone happy and giving the people a small taste of what a utopia could appear like.

Hawking Base was efficiently designed. Due to the limited amount of space in a PLANT, it had to be. No more space was used than necessary for the crews to function in and be reasonably comfortable. And Durandal's tour was similarly succinct, with enough detail and sights to satisfy an ordinary person, but quick enough that Athrun couldn't look at the activities for very long.

"A lot of Mobile Suits . . ." Naomi Mitsuda finally said, either in awe or in disgust, Athrun couldn't tell which.

"Yes. And from what the press releases say, you are about to launch a new warship as well," Cagalli said. Athrun silently approved of her still-suspicious stance. She was not going to let herself be taken in by Durandal as much as Durandal wanted her to be.

"Your actions are worrying the Pacific Earth Alliance in particular," Mitsuda said. "With the North American Federation and Eurasia taking most of the abuse in the last war, the PEA is the predominant political and military force at the moment. And they've always been more aggressive and reactionary than either the NAF or Eurasia. The PEA wants an arms race."

Durandal shook it off with the wave of his left hand. "I have no interest in reigniting the war," he said quickly. "That is the last thing ZAFT needs right now. Too many of her children perished in the last war. They're _still_ being flown back in caskets. I can't put through my people through another wringer."

_Good answer,_ Athrun thought.

"Try saying that to the PEA," Mitsuda said.

"Right now, my only interest is to show strength so any aggression can be prevented. There are terrorists from both Earth and the PLANTs whose only interest is to essentially to neutralize the moderates in any manner possible. _They_ are my primary concern. _They_, because of their profession of terrorism, are not bound by politics and niceties like Eastern Asia or any other organized government. _They_ don't have to worry about anyone other than themselves, all they are concerned about is murder. _They_ can strike at any time, with more lethal force than Eastern Asia, Orb, or the ZAFT can."

Durandal seemed to have chosen his words carefully to Athrun. Perhaps _too_ carefully. Like he had rehearsed this whole conversation beforehand. Considering how quickly he had discerned Athrun's true identity, he wondered how intelligent Durandal was-and when he learned these political skills.

Durandal continued. "The new Mobile Suits will play an important part of the campaign against the terrorists, and hopefully dissfuse any thoughts of aggression from The Pacific Earth Alliance or any other warlike federations."

He looked at Mitsuda and Cagalli at the same time and smiled calmly. "My people elected me so I can strengthen the peace. To go to war, without provocation, is betraying them. I have been given a responsibility, to provide for the people and keep them safe. That is all I'm doing. Please refer that to Eastern Asia if you are so worried they will launch a preemptive strike without the support of the rest of the Earth."

The Earth Alliance leader nodded. "I will. Whether they will listen, or simply say you are quote-"spewing more Coordinator lies"-unquote is another matter altogether. Also, the North American Federation and Eurasia both desire revenge over the last war. If there is an attack the Pacific Earth Alliance _will_ provide tacit support."

Cagalli said "The best thing to do right now is to figure out how to stop the distrust between all sides. It was quite clear that in the conversation at Durandal's suite that you and Durandal were so suspicious of each other that you two were almost hostile, Madam Secretary-General."

Mitsuda said "It is only natural, after a brutal war where you spent the entire time viewing the ZAFT as the enemy. It takes time to get used to the idea that we can have common ground and working relationships. Some are so baffled and horrified by the notion they will do anything to stop it before it begins. The fact I came here into PLANT when you could easily hold me hostage already demonstrates that I trust your honor, Chairman."

Durandal nodded. "Perhaps I should visit Earth sometime soon, in return."

"Perhaps." Then there was silence, and Athrun suddenly felt uneasy.

There were Morgenroete everywhere where they were now, and many of them turned their heads and noticed Cagalli. "Princess Cagalli!" several of them shouted.

"She's here, I can't believe it!"

"Does that mean we'll be heading home?"

"It's freaky enough she's even here!"

Cagalli looked slightly embarrassed, and it took the combined wall of bodyguards surrounding the three statespeople to keep the Morgenroete personnel at a safe distance.

Durandal looked at Cagalli. "Quite popular among your people, I see," he said.

Cagalli briefly flushed before regaining her composure. "Yes, I am," she replied.

Durandal nodded. "When the time comes for when you're taking power, Representative, don't abuse your people's considerable trust in you. Too many heads of state when they've become enormously popular over the years believe they have a mandate to impose their will upon the country and their people. It usually backfires before too long."

"I know. I promise, I won't let power corrupt me," Cagalli said.

Mitsuda cleared her throat. "If I may inquire, the Mobile Suits at Hangar 7 do not look like your standard GINNs."

"Ah, yes." Durandal walked forward, and pointed at the small glimpse of the Mobile Suits through the opened hangar doors. "Those are the Zaku Warriors. Supposed to be superior in most instances to the GINNs, and complies with every aspect with the Junius Treaty. The squadron leaders fly a slightly-different version of the same model, called the Zaku Phantom. It contains more firepower but at the same is more complicated to use-which is why we only let experienced pilots with seniority fly it."

They definitely looked like a match for the Murasame models Orb was developing. More than that for the M1 Astray type. Athrun wondered whether the Zaku was purely just for counter-terrorism or whether Durandal had some ulterior motive. He _wanted_ to trust the ZAFT Chairman, he looked like a reasonable, thoughtful man. But there was something about him that just seemed too measured, too _off_, that made Athrun wonder whether Durandal was exactly what he seemed to be.

Cagalli said "So this is what you've assembled using Morgenroete."

Durandal said "Yes, and as I've promised, I will return them to you. Though I must ask, have you come up with a plan to provide for them? Be able to give them a living?"

"Of course!" Cagalli nearly shouted. "The Prime Minister and I have been planning this for the last year! They _will_ have work. They _will_ have housing, power, food, whatever it is they need, without cost to the people who remained at Orb after the war. They don't _need_ to be refugees anymore."

"The Representative is an honorable person, Chairman," Mitsuda interjected. "If she says it, she means it, and she does not lie. She has so much of her father in her."

Durandal nodded. "I understand. If you have been seriously and sincerely planning for their return, then I have nothing to worry about. But, as you can see, they are living rather well here. I've made sure to have them treated as equals. I do not tolerate bigotry and I've made sure that they are secure from any possible hostile attack. Hawking is an example of this. The security here is impeccable."

_Everyone thinks that before there's an attack,_ Athrun thought. He knew all too well that a determined and organized effort could penetrate _any_ base, any shelter.

"You've reassured me about this, and it certainly does not look like you've staged this," Cagalli said. "But that does not change my mind, or my and the Prime Minister's policies regarding the matter. Our people are not mercenaries, and since the country has recovered and can provide for them once again they should stop being used as such."

Neither Durandal or Mitsuda looked too happy about that. They did not like having the same point being shoved down their throats over and over, but that was part of Cagalli's political style. She was extremely direct and concise. When she wanted something, she would make it extremely clear, without any opening for misinterpretation, and kept reaffirming it until it was embedded in her counterparts' minds. She _was_ determined to keep Orb relevant, and Athrun sincerely hoped she would. Orb likely would have to be more relevant than they had traditionally been for years to come.

"I wasn't trying to change your mind, Representative," Durandal said, his face becoming a mask.

_Cagalli's good as anyone at reading political maneuvers, Chairman. Might want to get used to it._

Suddenly, one of the ZAFT bodyguards put her hand next to the ear that had a small earbud inside, as if listening to a message. Much to Athrun's surprise, the woman's usually-stoic face changed to one of horror for a brief second. Then she removed the hand from her earbud and looked at Durandal.

"Chairman, suspicious activity has been spotted in the vicinity of Hawking. We have to leave immediately. The rest of the base is being warned right now, but we likely won't have everyone ready in time if there is an attack."

"Earth terrorists or Liberation Front?" Durandal asked immediately.

"We can't tell at this moment. Right now, the only concern is to-"

That was when all hell broke loose.

* * *

Khalid stared through the 2x scope of his assault rifle. There were ZAFT guards standing around everywhere there, chatting, smiling, laughing without a care in the world. They had no idea that they were all about to die. More than likely most of them would have no idea what killed them.

All he was waiting for was for the order to come down. Then his family would finally be avenged. It was about time the Coordinators received retribution for all that they had done to his homeland. To his people. They would finally learn what it was like to have loss, to have terror in their own homeland.

They were going to learn nowhere was safe.

There were only ten of them left. They would have to venture across the road on foot, across the open. They _could_ decapitate drivers of vehicles and use them as cover, but even so, unless the machine-gun turret was neutralized, everyone would be cut down in an instant.

And after they got inside, they would have to move towards the hangars, and quickly. The element of surprise would be their only advantage. The ZAFT were well-trained and professional. They would be pinpoint shots, especially if they could find cover in time. Khalid was left with the uneasy thought that he would have to hide behind the machines he was supposed to be annihilating.

Suddenly, one of his comrades said "We have reports of another confrontation. Looks like somebody else wants to kill the ZAFT. We can use the distraction to get inside. They wouldn't expect another party to attack when they already have to deal with someone else."

Already, the guards at the checkpoint were frantically trying to organize themselves. They had definitely heard the news, and many of them were already running, obviously being redeployed elsewhere.

One of them said "Now, while they're in such small numbers!"

Khalid looked through the scope again, putting his rifle on the machine-gun nest. He announced "I got the machine-gun nest."

Omar said "Understood. We'll wait for you to take the shot before we begin. Everyone, pick your targets. They must be neutralized or nearly so in order for us to make it across."

Khalid put his crosshairs on the face of the machine-gun soldier. He was young, like a lot of ZAFT soldiers. Probably eighteen or nineteen. Much to his surprise, he saw hair poking out of the back of the soldier's helmet. Did that mean that the soldier was a girl?

He moved his crosshairs to the soldier's chest. The soldier _was_ a girl.

_Damn it! Why does the first person I have to kill have to be a girl?_

Khalid uneasily trained his crosshairs on the girl's face then. _This goes against everything my family taught me. You don't kill women. You just don't. Men are supposed to be doing the fighting. This isn't right._

_Making a woman put herself in a position to be killed. What kind of monsters _are_ the ZAFT?_

He forced himself to just think of the girl as just a Coordinator. She was the result of genetic engineering. Somewhere, either she had been altered in a laboratory or descended from someone who was. She wasn't quite human. Maybe if he thought of her that way, maybe it would be easier for him to shoot her.

Omar whispered "Want me to do it?"

"No. I can do it," Khalid said. To back down from this was dishonorable. He had _said_ he would shoot the soldier. But he had never imagined it would be a girl. Why did it have to be-

_Damn it all._ He focused the zoom to 4X and got a closer look at the girl's face. Despite her fairly innocent facial features, her eyes looked steely. And that was all the confirmation Khalid needed to take the shot. Those weren't eyes of an innocent girl or women. She had undoubtedly killed people before. Most likely his brethren. If she had done so, then there was no reason to back down.

He fired a bullet straight through her left eye.

The first thing he noticed was that his weapon was _loud_. It was like a thunderclap right next to his ears. He almost heard ringing, it was so blaring.

The second was the blood as the girl slumped toward, the bullet passing through her brain and out through her head. She had been killed instantly.

The third was seemingly dozens of thunderclaps erupting around him at once. His body trembled, expecting some sort of tumult after the thunder, but none came.

He looked out and saw that most of the post had been neutralized, save for a lone solder running for the radio. Before Khalid could get a solid bead on him, he saw a closeup of the soldier spasming when several bullets hit him at once. He collapsed and began bleeding profusely. He was undoubtedly dead as well.

Then Omar screamed "Go, go, _go_!" And then Khalid's movements were automatic. He got up from his position, changed his rifle's settings to "burst", and ran forward across the street, trying to ignore what he had just done-and forcing himself to believe that the Coordinator he had slain wasn't human.

Otherwise, there was no way he would be able to cope with it.

* * *

It was sunset. The few small clouds in the sky shone a curious color, not quite lavender, but not gray or white either. It looked like something a painter would love, with its deep red and orange lights in the distance cooling to violet by her, with white stars beginning to twinkle into existence.

And there he was. He had been missing for a while now, but Lacus no longer worried about that. He always wandered to the same spot. Here, on a small hill, with the sandy beach within sight.

"Kira," she said.

He looked towards her, and smiled slightly. "Hey," he said.

"Watching the sun set again?"

"Yeah."

Lacus stared at it for several moments. The red and orange were slowly receding, and soon everything would be dark, other than the orphanage's yellow lights slowly becoming more prominent.

"Something's bothering you," she finally said.

Kira didn't even bother to argue. The only times he came out here was when something was on his mind. "Yeah," he said.

"What is it?"

Kira was silent for several seconds. Finally, just when Lacus was about to repeat the question, he answered. "Something's not right."

"What do you mean?" Kira had had these "premonitions" before, and they usually portended that something terrible was about to happen. Lacus never knew how he had gotten this ability, but she could take a good guess.

"Athrun . . . and Cagalli. I have a bad feeling. Like they'll be in danger soon, if they're not already."

Lacus nodded, and sat down by him. _Athrun . . . please be careful, if Kira's right. Keep Cagalli safe. Considering the insanity of the world, she might be our best hope for peace._

She slowly reached out with her left hand and clasped his right hand. "They'll be all right, Kira. Cagalli can take care of herself, and she has Athrun, who is more than capable of protecting her."

"I hope you're right," Kira said. He looked up at the sky. "I just don't like this."

"Kira, whenever this happens the person affected always comes back. Athrun and Cagalli will come back too. They always have. Everything that's been thrown at them has always made them stronger, in fact. Stronger and closer. If they could survive Jachin Doe they can survive anything."

Kira didn't make an outward reaction. Instead, he said "I wish I didn't feel these things. How am i able to do this? Was this . . . part of my father's plan? Because I'm the Ultimate Coordinator? How did he find a way for me to have this?"

Lacus said "Kira, however you got this ability, the only thing to do right now is simply hope they'll be all right."

"Yeah. That's all I do these days. Lay around and hope while everybody else actually does something meaningful."

Lacus frowned. Kira was letting himself become a mess once again. Not today. Not after he had been in reasonably good spirits most of the day. She didn't want him to cry again.

"Kira, you know it's not like that. Just because you're not out there with Athrun and Cagalli doesn't mean you're not doing something meaningful. Look at how you're touching these kids' lives. They like you, Kira, and you're teaching them so much. You give them something most orphans don't have."

"I just wish I was doing something more."

"Kira, listen to me. You are still changing the world by being here, by caring for and educating these kids. You give these kids hope. You give them reasons to be alive. Most of these orphans would be dead right now if we weren't here to care for them."

She hoped those words had gotten through. But sometimes, nothing could pierce Kira's darker moods and she would simply have to wait it out. He usually recovered and apologized after some time.

One of these days the recovery would be permanent. The Kira she saw in him sometimes, when he was not letting his personal demons affect him, was someone she loved dearly. He had a kind of inner strength, a kindness she had rarely seen before. She loved that person. She wanted him to break free of the mental chains he was shackled with. Maybe, one day, he would.

Kira's grip became tighter. "You're . . . you're right. I'm sorry."

She leaned in closer. "Kira, never think you're not making a difference. Even if it's not on a world stage. You _are_ something. If I felt you were nothing, Kira, would I have come out here with you?"

"You threw away your music, your life," Kira said.

"No. I didn't throw it away. I _changed_ my life, my goals. Maybe someday I will record again, but right now, I'm happy just singing to the kids. I love teaching them. Caring for them. Tucking the smallest ones into bed."

She smiled at him. His breathing was becoming slower, calmer. He was regaining control of his emotions. "I'm still reaching people right now. These kids _will_ be able to make a difference in the future, Kira. We are pushing them in the right direction. They'll be good people."

"Lacus," he said as she put her right hand on his cheek. It was so soft, smooth. It took weeks for Kira to grow a noticeable amount of facial hair, but that was one of his more endearing physical traits.

"Don't you ever think you're meaningless, Kira. If you ever let yourself sink that far into despair, you'll fail yourself. Only when you've given up on yourself that much . . . just don't, Kira. Please."

"Lac-"

She interrupted in him then with a soft kiss on the mouth. His lips were warm and moist, like always. She took her left hand and wrapped it around his back, and let herself enfold him.

After five seconds, she separated. "Kira," she said, "Whatever's been done to you, we can't do anything to change that. All you can do right now is to _exist_. By merely existing you can make a difference. Don't worry about Athrun and Cagalli either, all right? They'll be fine. I _know_ they'll be."

Kira's eyes were watery, but he didn't cry. "Lacus . . . okay."

"Good. Now let's head back to the orphanage. We're supposed to be serving dinner right now. I'm sure the kids are probably pigging out on sweets right now because no one's there to stop them. C'mon."

"S-Sure." Kira said, apparently still reeling in the aftershocks of the kiss. They both got up off of the ground and walked back towards the orphanage, making it inside just as the red and orange vanished from the night sky.

_Good luck, Athrun, Cagalli. It's all in your hands right now._


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five: Frothing Anger**

_In my beginning is my end. _  
-T.S Eliot, _**East Coker**_

The explosion rocked the ground like an earthquake. Then more. And more. The ground felt like it was going to crumble underneath Athrun as he shielded Cagalli with his body, but it never did.

"What the hell is this?" Cagalli shrieked.

Durandal had managed to maintain his footing, much to Athrun's surprise. His bodyguards had their scope-equipped pistols out, and they were looking for any targets coming. "RPGs. Probably wiped out a guard post or two. The base has definitely been compromised."

Naomi was on her knees, covering her heads. She still mustered up enough courage to stare at Durandal and scream "Who's doing this?"

Durandal faced her. For the first time, Athrun saw actual emotion on Durandal's face. He looked _furious_. "Terrorists. Probably after all three of us. We have to move."

Suddenly, Durandal's bodyguards began shooting, the noises nearly deafening Athrun. "Get to cover!" somebody shouted.

"Right! Get up, Cagalli!" Athrun managed to say, pulling Cagalli to her feet and rushing her behind a hangar door. Once behind, he drew his pistol, to see Durandal and Mitsuda following close behind, while Durandal's bodyguards continued their shootout with the unseen enemy. Already, two of them were down, one motionless, one clutching his knee and appearing to be in a crazed agony.

"I got a look at them. Probably Liberation Front," Durandal said. Another explosion went off in the distance, but it didn't sound like an RPG to Athrun. Probably a grenade.

Athrun moved to the edge of the cover and took a quick peek. Four, maybe five of them. Heading towards the hangars where Durandal had said the special new machines were.

_Maybe this isn't just to kill Durandal,_ Athrun thought. He was spotted then, and he barely ducked back in time for a burst of bullets to fly by him, missing his head by inches.

"Athrun-" Cagalli cried. Athrun tried to silence her with a stare, but the damage was already done.

"Athrun . . . Athrun Zala?" Naomi Mitsuda asked, shocked.

"Representative Athha's bodyguard's identity is _not_ important at this moment," Durandal said. "Getting out of here alive is. Looks like they've penetrated the northern part of the base. That means we have to run-"

Suddenly, rapid gunfire erupted from their right. Two of Mitsuda's bodyguards collapsed with multiple bullet wounds, and Athrun was surprised to see even more attackers rushing towards him. Crouching, he aimed at one of the two gunmen and dispatched him with a double-tapped headshot, as he was trained to do by none other than Andrew Waltfield himself.

The lone bodyguard of Mitsuda's small cadre still standing killed the other attacker similarly. The enemy, a bearded, middle-aged man, collapsed to the ground, wheezing from wounds to his chest, and the Earth bodyguard shot him a final time in the head.

"The Islamists . . . they're here too?" Durandal asked, looking downright surprised for the first time today.

_Looks like a regular party,_ Athrun couldn't help thinking, as he forced himself not to think about the man he had just killed. He had to do it. He had to protect Cagalli. Not only was she an important person who would soon be about to take over her country, but she was his fiancee`. His lover. He had to protect her, for both personal and professional reasons. That was all there was to it.

Durandal made a growling noise, and picked up one of the pistols one of Mitsuda's dead bodyguards had dropped. "Wished I'd never had to use one of these . . ."

He cocked it. "Mitsuda, Athha . . . I suggest arming ourselves. We're going to have to get out the hard way . . . and we'll most likely have to split up."

Mitsuda still looked too shaken to move, but Cagalli moved to the other pistol before Athrun could stop her. She picked it up, briefly examined it, and then cocked it herself. "I can shoot if I have to," she said.

One of Durandal's bodyguards called out from the other side of the road "Chairman! Chairman! We have penetration from the northern, northwestern, and the northeastern sectors! By the Mobile Suit hangars! Suggest we head to the south."

Durandal nodded. "Understood," he answered. He took a quick look outside and quickly ducked back as a short volley of fire came his way.

He looked at Athrun and the others. Athrun took the moment to take a quick head count. One of Durandal's bodyguards was here, two others were across the street . . . and three were dead. Mitsuda had brought four . . . two were dead, one was here, and he couldn't see where the other bodyguard was. Cagalli, himself, one of her other bodyguards across the street, one missing, and one dead in the street.

From the sounds of the gunfire, it wasn't just the terrorists against the bodyguards, but against ZAFT soldiers as well. He hoped that meant that this would be over before all too long.

Durandal said "They're probably after the Mobile Suits. The new models most likely if that's the case. This could prove to be to our advantage _if_ they don't realize we're here. We have to leave, now, and leave this fight to the soldiers. Understand?"

Athrun nodded. He moved up beside Durandal, in front of Cagalli, who had Durandal's other bodyguard behind her. Mitsuda stayed towards the rear, with her surviving bodyguard right behind her.

"We need smoke of some sort . . ." Durandal said. As if on cue, one of the ZAFT soldiers across the street flung a lit smoke grenade towards the battlefield, obscuring the area in white.

"Our best chance. Go, go!" Durandal said, and all of them took off. Flashes of bullets careened past them, making small _whoosh_ noises as they flew past. The other bodyguards from across the street took the opportunity to run as well, though one of Durandal's cadre was hit in the neck the moment he stood up by chance and collapsed.

Mitsuda's bodyguard collapsed as well, hit in the back. He clawed at Mitsuda's jacket, then at her dress pants, and she turned around, to try to pull him up to his feet. She was hit in the next moment, blood spurting from her shoulder, and she screamed.

"Dammit!" Durandal shouted, and he ran forward. He looked at Athrun. "Get Cagalli behind Hangar Five! Hurry! We'll meet there!"

Athrun saw Durandal and Mitsuda's final bodyguard haul the Secretary-General to her feet, and he grabbed Caglli's shoulder and they both ran.

_Dammit, why does there have to be an attack now? Why did they have to choose now to strike?_ he couldn't help thinking.

He ran behind Hangar Five, and saw a fireteam of ZAFT riflemen run past them. The gunfire sounded farther away now, like they had managed to escape the battle to some extent.

_Good. No attack from the north. Thank God,_ Athrun thought as he struggled to catch his breath.

Cagalli's eyes looked vacant. Athrun looked at her. "You aren't hit, are you?" he asked.

She shook her head. "No. I'm fine," she replied. "Just tired."

She looked a lot more decadent than "just tired" but Athrun didn't want to argue with her. No time for it anyway.

He peeked back out, and saw Durandal and the bodyguard bringing Mitsuda forward. Athrun signaled them over and they laid Mitsuda against the wall, the bodyguard immediately applying first aid.

Mitsuda was _laughing_ bitterly. "I thought I could get him out of there. Guess I'm not as strong or fast as I thought I was." There were small tears forming out of the edges of her eyes, Athrun couldn't tell where they were caused by the pain of her shoulder wound or out of sorrow for failing to save her bodyguard.

"Stay still, ma'am," the bodyguard said, and she tore off Mitsuda's left pants leg before the knee to wrap it around the bleeding shoulder wound. "I'm going to try to tighten this as much as I can. But cloth and gauze isn't going to be enough. The bullet's stuck in your shoulder from what I can tell."

"Of course," Mitsuda said with the same bitter, graveyard amusement.

Durandal was breathing heavily, and he wiped his sweating brow. "Athrun, get Cagalli and Naomi both out of here at once. Get Mitsuda to the closest hospital at once."

"The _Frederick Bismarck_ has the best facilities for surgery anywhere. We'll bring her there. Protocol calls for Mitsuda's immediate evacuation anyway," the bodyguard said as she wrapped up Mitsuda's wound tightly.

Durandal nodded. "Good. Cagalli, Athrun, I suggest the two of you shelter there as well until this is over with."

Instantly discerning the Chairman's intention, Athrun said "What about you? You can't seriously-"

"I have somewhere else to go. I cannot let these terrorists get away with wanton destruction of a military base and the loss of life. I will be heading towards a military ship to help pursue these bastards," Durandal said.

_Great. A politician thinks he can seriously help out in a military matter,_ Athrun thought. But what was he to refuse the intentions of the ZAFT Chairman?

Cagalli said "It doesn't have to be this way. I am sure the secretary-general can clear you through-"

"I also need to save face. If I hide from terrorism via the Earth Alliance, it will give the radicals the political momentum to usurp me, and that will destroy the negotiations. I have to put on a strong front."

He looked at Cagalli, then Athrun. "The woman I've put in charge of the ship is one of the best tacticians and leaders that survived the war. She will react quickly and stop the enemy before they get too far."

"You talk as if they've already escaped," Athrun said, before he winced as Mitsuda suddenly shrieked in pain. He turned, to see Mitsuda biting her lips as the bodyguard wrapped the wound tighter.

The bodyguard looked up at them all. "I can't stop the bleeding, not completely," she said.

Durandal said "There's too much confusion, and they _are_ going for the Mobile Suits, and they're already inside most of the northern hangars. One of them is bound to get out, whether by pure luck or by other means. It's a reasonable calculation."

Athrun sighed. Arguing this out wouldn't get Mitsuda medical attention in time. But he still had to try. "Chairman, please, listen to-"

"Do what you need to do, Chairman," Cagalli interrupted. Athrun turned to her in shock.

_Cagalli, what the hell are you thinking?_

Durandal nodded. "All right. I will see all of you later. I've had one of my bodyguards secure you a vehicle, it's by the southern exit. Athrun, take good care of the representative. Likewise for you, Manon." And then he vanished, running towards the southeast.

"How . . . how did he know my name?" the bodyguard asked, her brown eyes widening in shock.

"Does it truly matter right now?" Cagalli said. "Let's get her to her feet and get her to the exit. Athrun, you've got point. If any of the bastards are in the south shoot them."

The steely tone in Cagalli's voice was disconcerting, but Athrun knew that Cagalli was giving the correct order. He needed to have his gun out, just in case someone _had_ broken through in the south, and he couldn't very well let anyone threaten Cagalli nor Naomi Mitsuda.

He nodded. "Right. C'mon, let's get out of here."

_And hope Durandal knows what he's doing. Because I'm not sure whether his decision to stay is brilliant or stupid._

_

* * *

_

"Dammit!" Shinn shouted as he ducked behind a bunch of steel crates, bullets sailing over his head before he managed to get behind cover.

He had tried to get a burst off and had missed his target completely. He had barely passed his marksmanship test, and he hadn't practiced as often as he should have, and it was showing when it mattered. All of his bullets had sailed to the right of his intended target, and gotten his attention. And now he was pinned.

"What's going on?" Vino Dupre wailed, his hands barely holding on to his pistol.

"War," Rey Ze Burrel said coolly. The commander of Shinn's wing got up to his knees and fired two bursts before laying back down behind the crates, in-between Vino and Shinn.

"One of them is neutralized," Rey said.

"Yeah. Of how many?" Shinn asked.

"Five. Maybe six."

"Great."

Shinn leaned out again, this time intending to hit his target. The enemy wasn't stupid at all, they had already taken cover, two of them behind a burning vehicle, the flames obscuring their forms. Two others behind a hangar. One of them was _in_ a hangar herself, specifically the Zaku hangar he needed to get to.

Shinn chose the Zaku hangar terrorist. One of them hit her, somewhere in her upper body, and another struck her left shoulder. Her scream was still audible despite all of the noise and she fell to the ground, clearly out of the battle if not dying.

"One of them's down," Shinn managed to say. He was too exhilarated, and too terrified, to think about what he had just done.

"I'm not cut out for this, man!" Vino screamed. "I gotta get to the _Minerva_! I'm a mechanic, not a soldier!"

"Neither am I!" Yolant Kent unhelpfully added, his big frame resting beside Rey, by the hangar doorway.

Lunamaria Hawke crawled besides Shinn, wielding her assault rifle with one hand and a grenade in the other. "Then you two pissypants have to get out of here, got it? We'll cover you both. Just run for the _Minerva_ and don't look back."

"Right. Right. Easy to remember," Vino said as he shook fiercer.

Perhaps realizing that Vino was closer to breaking than Yolant, Rey announced "Vino's first! Covering fire!"

Shinn leaned out and fired at the terrorists behind the burning open-wheel vehicle with everything he had, until he heard a _click_.

"Aw, crap." He ducked back and struggled to open one of the pouches on his belt. An explosion went off in the distance, far away to be of any real danger to him, and he saw Lunamaria holding her rifle with both hands, clearly she had thrown her grenade.

He fumbled with the button pouch until he finally got it opened, grabbed the magazine, and shoved it into his rifle. When he got up to try to take another shot it fell out and Shinn barely caught the magazine in time before bullets spilled everywhere. He reloaded it _again_ and this time made sure it was locked in place.

_Stay calm, Shinn. Don't panic. Just because you're in a firefight with a bazillion angry people trying to take your head off doesn't mean you can't reload correctly,_ he thought. He surprised himself with his black humor. He wondered when he had developed it.

"Vino's across," Lunamaria said, as if ordering dinner.

"Good. Yolant, your turn," Rey said, reloading his own rifle without a hitch.

"You guys _did_ get most of them, right?" Yolant asked.

"I got the two behind the vehicle. Can't say if they've got backup, though. Best to get out of here," Lunamaria said.

Perhaps it was the cold, business-like tone of her voice, or perhaps the warning her words represented, but Yolant looked more than ready to run when Rey shouted "Covering fire!"

Shinn ducked out and fired at the two terrorists remaining behind the opposite hangar, to the left of the burning vehicle. One of them went down in a spray of blood, but he couldn't tell if he had hit him or someone else.

"Yolant made it," Lunamaria said simply and she reloaded her rifle. "One of the remaining terrorists is down. We've managed to pin the other,"

"Right. Good work, both of you," Rey said.

Lunamaria chuckled darkly. "Yeah. Like the Slant here did anything other than waste lead."

Shinn glared at her. She had no right to say that, not when he had been risking himself for the sake of not only the two mechanics that escaped, but for her and Rey as well.

Rey said "Hawke, there's no time for this. If you and Shinn have problems with each other, settle it in the boxing ring or something, _once_ we're out of here. All right? We gotta get to our Zakus at once before they fall into enemy hands."

Lunamaria said "Fine. Good idea," and she ran down the street. Surprisingly, she hadn't drawn any fire. Had they cleared out the last enemy somehow?

One thing that puzzled Shinn more than anything else was her occasionally-blatant hostility towards him. Lunamaria's little sister could be quite pleasant, but Lunamaria seemed to have a chip on her shoulder. She seemed to direct her anger towards Shinn in particular. Why she would choose _him_ to be her whipping boy didn't make sense, though, not without even a remote idea of her motives-

"Asuka, head out of the clouds, _now_," Rey ordered.

"Yes, sir," Shinn said, and he ran across the street, towards the hangar. Suddenly, the ground shook, as if it was going to erupt around him.

Shinn was knocked to his hands and knees. He scraped his hands against the ground, and the rough pain made him gasp. He looked at them, to see blood on his palms.

_Crap_.

"Shinn get up! They got one of our Zakus!" Rey shouted, and he and Shinn were barely able to roll out of the way before the said Zaku would have crushed both of them. Shinn could only watch it lumber away, before taking off and its legs taking out much of the GINN hangar in the process, with debris covering where he and Rey had been merely seconds ago in that shootout.

He got up and stared. Lunamaria's crisp voice startled him back into reality then, and he turned around. "Lieutenant Asuka! Commander Ze Burrel! We have to chase him down!"

"I know, Lieutenant Hawke. Hurry, get inside. Be sure to broadcast that our Zakus _are_ in friendly hands before we draw fire from our own side. Asuka, you too," Rey said.

"I know," Shinn said, running into the middle of the hangar, searching for his designated Zaku. It took a sophisticated hacking device just to open the door inside, much less the OS, but clearly the terrorists had that much, and more. What could these people be?

He searched for his Zaku, but couldn't see _his_ designated number on any of them. He ran around, searching, praying, hoping it was around.

_Oh no. Why me, why me?_

But he couldn't see his Mobile Suit. Only the gap where his Zaku was supposed to be.

_God damn it!_

_That bastard stole my Zaku!

* * *

_

The alarm went off unexpectedly. It was surprising enough for Auel Neider to spit out the juice in his mouth.

Thankfully, it was only on the table, much to Stellar's relief. Auel coughed heavily and Sting Oakley patted his friend's back. "Hey, hey, you all right?" Sting asked.

"What the-hack-what's going on? A drill?" Auel asked weakly.

Their commander, Kende Badaglio, said "No. This is too random. You can almost sense when the 'surprise' drills before they happen. This one is unexpected."

Kende was older than the rest of them, though barely older than a teenager himself, at twenty-three. He had a dead-serious demeanor that contrasted heavily with the goofier and quirkier personalities of _most_ of his subordinates.

Stellar had caught Kende giving Sting and Auel latrine duty all the time on ships and bases, but they never seemed to learn from the experience like they were supposed to. Some things would never change, and Auel and Sting's ability to make trouble likely not going to be one of them.

Suddenly, Kende's radio beeped and he answered. "Commander Badaglio here."

He nodded, gave a few "Hmm-mmms," and finally said "Acknowledged."

He hung up and looked at the three of them. "We're being scrambled. Crisis at the ZAFT base and apparently Mobile Suits are being hijacked there. We're being mobilized to prevent them from targeting the Earth base as well. We have no report on the Secretary-General's whereabouts and until we do we will be en route to the ZAFT base to clear the enemy out."

"Which ZAFT base?" Stellar asked, immediately thinking of Shinn. She didn't want him caught up in a hellish firefight. Especially when the machines he piloted were the targets. She didn't care about the Secretary-General, didn't even know her name, but Shinn . . . not after she had finally succeeded in holding on to him. She couldn't lose him yet.

"Hawking," Kende confirmed.

Stellar froze. _No, no, no! Not like this! Shinn, don't die on me! Hold on until I get there! Please!_

Then she steeled herself slowly. _No crying, Stellar. You knew this could happen. You just have to do your job, all right? If he's stranded you can save him,_

She said as calmly as she could "Are we leaving now?"

"Yes. Auel, if you're not choking to death, get up," Kende said.

"Yes, sir," Auel Neider replied in a half-moan. He rose up, still coughing, and Sting helped him for the first five steps until Auel found his stride.

"How many of them are there?" Stellar asked.

"I don't know. They didn't tell me much. All I know is that Mobile Suits controlled by terrorists _are_ taking off. We have to intervene for our own safety. Plus command probably wants our Mobile Suits in the air if there's a copycat raid coming," Kende replied as they left the mess hall.

They were running down the hall now. Stellar knew they had a matter of minutes to suit up and lift off. They had been trained in scramble drills before, and this was no different, other than the fact it was _real_. If she stayed true to the simulation she'd probably be all right. She always made lift-off time.

The problem was how long Shinn and the ZAFT could hold out until they arrived. Considering the confusion, disorder, and havoc, was it even possible for Shinn to survive even though the ZAFT should outnumber a gang of armed terrorists?

She didn't want to think about Shinn' chances. The only thing she could do was suit up and deploy. Hopefully she'd get assigned to assist the ZAFT. Then she could-

"Lieutenant, I know what you're thinking," Badaglio said as he opened the door into the men's locker room. The women's was right next door, and Stellar was about to run past as she heard Badaglio's voice.

She stared at him. _How does he . . . I tried to hide it from him the best I could._

"Don't let your personal feelings, especially for a pilot for another _government_, dictate the battle. Do your duty. You are a soldier, Lieutenant Loussier. Don't forget that today."

"Hey, sir, we gotta get inside," Auel said.

"Yes, yes," Badaglio said, and he left Stellar there, staring into space, wondering whether worrying about Shinn should be her primary concern.

* * *

_We're getting cut up,_ Saburo thought, as he hid behind an overturned ZAFT open-wheel. Two-thirds of the force could be considered casualties and only two Mobile Suits were in the air, and neither of them were the primary objectives. None of what Ezalia Joule desired.

His squad had gotten the closest to the objectives. Gaia and Abyss were to his left. The other three were to his right, right by where he was taking cover. Problem was, he couldn't guarantee that he could make it into one of those machines, not when there were at least four or five still alive in the group. No one wanted to be stranded and become a martyr for the cause.

Frederick Coolidge had come up with another plan. "We have to split up. We're the only ones with a chance of making it out of here with the objectives. Two of us have to head off and grab Gaia and Abyss. The rest of us have to capture the others. That's the only thing we can do."

_Great. So who has to be the poor bastards who have to grab those two Mobile Suits?_

"I'll go. 'Abyss' sounds potent," Indira said. "And I want Saburo to come with me. He's a good shot."

_Figures. If there's a god up there, help me!_

_Then again, if there was a deity up there, I wouldn't be sent across the street to die, am I? Guess I'm gonna find out one way or another._

There wasn't much time to argue. Coolidge merely nodded. "Good enough. Everyone else, with me. Let's give Indira and Saburo covering fire so they can get across the street."

_He just wants Indira out of the way. I'm just the idiot who has to go out there and die with her._

Indira cocked her pistol and slung her rifle over the shoulder. "Kiddo, get ready to run. This is going to be the most exciting part of your life, right here."

_Yeah. It's gonna be really exciting to be a pulped body lying in the street,_ Saburo thought.

Indira cocked her pistol. It looked like it could fire revolver slugs, without actually being a revolver, judging by its size. "Just keep up, babyface. I'll blow them all away."

_Why doesn't that comfort me? Oh yeah, because she's a sociopath on the loose!_ Saburo wisely chose to keep that part silent and he just hoped that he would survive to get Indira reported to an asylum or something.

"Covering fire!"

Suddenly, Saburo felt something shove him forward. And suddenly he was exposed in the street.

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Saburo ran across, screaming that at the top of his lungs, hearing bullets zing past him and nearly clipping him midrun. He saw out of the corner of his eye Indira easily keeping stride, firing her pistol in the general direction of the enemy, and hopefully killing a couple of them so they wouldn't chase them into the hangar.

Saburo nearly slammed against the hangar wall and barely stopped in time. He struggled to catch his breath, only to be hauled back up on his feet by Indira and half-pulled across completely out of sight of the street.

So, he was apparently still alive. Was that a good thing?

Indira ejected her clip and reloaded it. Yes, those were revolver slugs, loaded in a custom magazine and pistol. How such a thing was possible was beyond Saburo's imagination.

"See? It's all easy as long as I don't miss," she said, admiring her weapon for a second.

"Let's just get the GUNDAMs and get out of here," Saburo snapped. Right now, that prospect seemed heavenly.

"Ah, yes. I got dibs on 'Abyss'. You get the one with the fancy name for the ground," Indira said.

_Goody,_ Saburo said. She wasn't just a sexualized, gun-crazed, killing-machine sociopath, but her maturity was low as well. How messed up _was_ this woman, and why was she brought along for this? How useful could she be?

Maybe it would've been best for him to be cut down in the street. But he couldn't think about such things right now. The only possible thing he could do was push forward. Despite his ire towards his unwanted partner, he _was_ doing this for the cause. If he managed to take off, the Coordinators _would_ be able to get some revenge on the collaborators and Naturals that ran everything.

That was what he needed to devote his anger towards. Not Indira. Not when she seemed to be the best shot in the world.

_Just concentrate, Saburo. You're almost out. Just plug the device in, get inside, splice the OS, and you're outta here with the best war machine available._

_And then you can worry about everything else. Just do your job, soldier._

Saburo opened the entrance, and saw Gaia standing there, in front of him. Right for the taking. He was about to wander out in the open when suddenly he saw _them_.

Looked like he had a lot more work ahead.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six: Hijacking**

_Patriots always talk about dying for their country and never about killing for their country._  
-Bertrand Russell

"Allah's granted us a respite," Omar grunted as he took the explosives out of his pack. "We'll be able to at least take these down before our time is up and we are surrounded by our families once again."

Fatalistic language aside, Khalid was glad that Omar was still alive. He represented a cold, realistic professionalism, and yet, a true love for his lost family that he couldn't quite see in everyone else. Some of the people around him seemed to exist just to murder for no real reason or motivation. They just hated Coordinators for no reason.

But Omar _had_ a reason. That was why Khalid respected the man fully. Omar wasn't in this because of religion or policy or because he somehow felt that Coordinators were the work of the devil or of infidels. Omar had one personal reason: to give the enemy pain, to show the enemy what it was like to lose family members.

It occurred to Khalid then that the ZAFT _had_ lost a lot of soldiers in the previous war, but he dismissed that thought. They hadn't taken enough pain. Another generous helping was needed, and they would need to take more and more. Until everyone in ZAFT lost someone close to them.

Omar handed Khalid a package of explosives. "Hurry, take this, and plant it on the other leg of this monster. Once its planted and armed we have thirty seconds before it'll blow."

"Got it," Khalid said with a nod. He took the explosives and ran over to the right leg while Omar handled the left. There was a vulnerable section that Lord Djibril had pointed out to them in a briefing a week ago, if the explosives were jammed in there, it would wipe out the whole leg and send the mobile suit crashing down, where more damage could be given later.

At the very least, the GUNDAM would be worthless until there replacement legs were built. That could take a long while, especially for prototypes like this model.

He was about to prepare planting when suddenly, the unmistakable sounds of gunfire interrupted the silence in the lonely hangar.

Forgetting about planting the explosive, Khalid took cover. He awaited Omar's instructions, but didn't hear a sound. Other than a slow wheeze . . .

He turned in the direction of the wheeze, and sound Omar on the ground, a bullet hole in his chest, close to his heart. A bullet that was calibrated to shatter upon impact had hit him square in the chest and had probably ruptured his left lung.

Khalid stood in horror. Omar had seemed to lost all awareness of his surroundings, he had no idea Khalid was staring at him right now. One shot in the chest was all it took to take down a big, strong, intelligent man like Omar and leave him a broken, decrepit shell lying on the ground, choking on his own blood.

Suddenly, Omar's head vanished in a red haze, as another gunshot shook the hangar.

A woman's voice was yelling. Oddly, Khalid recognized it. "Enemy down! I have Abyss! You make sure there isn't anyone around Chaos!"

Khalid took cover. _Help me, someone help me, don't let me die here,_ he thought. _Please, anywhere but here._

He didn't know what to do as he heard footsteps approaching the GUNDAM. He stared at his explosives. He could still wipe out one leg. One leg would be enough to make the GUNDAM useless. He reached over for it but saw a shoe step right behind it a moment later.

He stared. He could not believe his eyes.

"You?"

* * *

Saburo saw yet another surprise as he looked at his opponent, who had been reaching for a pack of explosives right in front of him. The teenager blurted "You?"

It was the boy from the restaurant. The boy Saburo had bumped into. _He_ was here. What was he doing at a place like this? But Saburo's mind already jumped to conclusions. He was here to sabotage the GUNDAMs. He was here to interfere in the mission.

He saw in the boy's eyes that the boy already knew this, too. They were on opposite sides, and only one would be able to accomplish his mission today.

The Arabic boy reached for his pistol, but Saburo already has his pistol out. Saburo fired a single shot that entered the boy's skull. The boy seemed to sit there for a moment, as if not registering the impact, before his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he fell backwards to the ground. A small pool of blood slowly expanded from the head, as the boy's eyes shut.

Saburo froze there for a second. _Why? Why him of all people? Why was he my enemy?_

He took a deep breath, and tried to focus upon the mission. He had neutralized his only opponent. More would arrive soon. The EA and the boy probably weren't working together, but there was little chance that the EA would pass up the opportunity to shoot Saburo. CLF members were close to evil personified in the eyes of the EA.

He tried to refocus. He had a job to do, and an OS to rewrite. If he moved quickly, the GUNDAM called "Gaia" would be his. But only if he moved quickly. He could hear the GUNDAM called "Abyss" already powering up, and if Indira was already moving, all that would do was attract attention. If he didn't have control of "Gaia" by the time ZAFT soldiers charged in to investigate . . .

His mind was made up then. The boy, as much as he regretted it, was just a casualty of war. That's all he was, in the end. Saburo saw a nearby stairwell and took off towards it. He, at best, only had a few precious minutes to work . . .

* * *

"Thanks, Rey, for telling me Jackie's code," Shinn said as he examined his surroundings.

_"No problem, Asuka,"_ Rey's calm, collected voice said. _"I need every pilot I can get up here, and it's my responsibility to have contingencies at the ready." _

_"Got one for this situation?" _Lunamaria Hawke asked.

_"Honestly, shoot them before they shoot us,"_ Rey answered.

_That's a lot of help, Rey, thanks._

Shinn looked at his surroundings. Zakus were shooting at other Zakus. Either mass confusion was filling the ZAFT ranks, or ZAFT-controlled ZAKUs were doing battle against hijacked ZAKUs. In all likelihood, it was probably both.

And somewhere out there, _his_ Zaku was under the control of some CLF pilot. If he had taken a different Zaku, _any_ Zaku, he wouldn't have been forced to take a Zaku that belonged to a now-dead pilot, who had been grenaded out of existence by the CLF.

"Rey," Shinn said. "Got a list of what's ours and what's hijacked?"

_"Working on it," _Rey said.

There was a pause, and new data filled Shinn's radar then, as some of the Zakus and GINNs listed as friendlies suddenly turned red. _They have that many of our Zakus and GINNs,_ Shinn thought in horror as he gaped at the screen.

"_They're already entering the city,"_ Lunamaria said.

_"They're little more than terrorists," _Rey said with disdain. _"They claim to be liberating Coordinators but all they are is killing our people to satisfy their bloodlust." _

_"Rey, a little less preaching, a little more shooting. One of the hijacked Zakus is right behind that hangar wall,"_ Lunamaria said coolly.

"_Right,"_ Rey said. Suddenly, his voice became commanding._ "Hawke, Asuka, destroy the wall and draw him out!" _

_"Got it,"_ said Lunamaria. Suddenly she began blasting at the hangar wall, and Shinn followed suit.

"Won't this cause the hangar to cave in?" Shinn asked.

_"It's either that or one of us gets shot stepping out into the open,"_ Rey said. _"As far as I know all the Mobile Suits in that hangar are gone as so are the personnel. We can always rebuild a hangar. We can't replace our pilots." _

The grim reality of that propelled Shinn to continue shooting, and the hangar buckled under, exposing the Zaku for a brief moment before smoke starting overtaking its form. Before the Zaku could begin shooting Rey was already putting it under heavy fire, and the enemy Zaku buckled under the sheer volley of fire. Within five seconds the Zaku fall backwards, smoking, and exploded upon hitting the ground.

_"Hostile down,"_ Rey said.

A friendly Zaku flew over their heads then, engaging an airborne GINN that was listed as an enemy. The GINN was promptly sliced in half by the Zaku and plummeted to the ground in two fiery pieces.

_It's like being in the middle of a civil war,_ Shinn thought solemnly, before he started searching for more targets.

* * *

"Manon, can you make this thing go any faster?" Athrun shouted as he tried to change bandages on Naomi Mitsuda.

"I'm trying my best!" shouted the only surviving bodyguard of Naomi's entourage. "We're not that far from the base now!"

Athrun momentarily looked behind him. Chaos was engulfing the area around Hawking now, as GINN and Zaku suits were engaging each other in the city, in and around the base, and now even in the air. It would be so easy for them to become collateral damage on this road, which terrified him. However, as he looked at Cagalli in the front sear, she was somewhat calmer than she usually was. She _knew_ that Manon was doing the best she could.

Athrun realized then that Manon had to be under severe stress, as she not only had one, but _two_ powerful VIPs in her vehicle. And she only had Athrun with her.

"Just get there as fast you can, but no accidents," Athrun said, as a random laser shot flew over their heads and blasted a the side of a building. Before concrete, stone, glass, and brick could come down on their heads, Manon had already driven past the building, and Athrun could only stare as wreckage filled the street behind them, crushing bystanders and vehicles.

_Everything is relative,_ Athrun thought. _And in Mobile Suits, nearly everything is little more than obstacles and annoyances._

Naomi moaned. "Can I have more morphine?" she asked softly.

Athrun was about to administer another dose when Manon said "No, Madam, you've had enough. One more would be risking overdose."

"It hurts so much," Naomi said. She had lost a significant amount of blood, and would only lose more, no matter how often Athrun changed the bandages or how tight he made them. It would take the resources of a hospital to stop the bleeding, or at the very least, a stable place where Athrun could attempt to stitch.

"I'm trying the best I can," Athrun said softly.

"I know, but I wish you could do more."

Cagalli finally spoke then. "Athrun would never leave you to die, Madam Secretary-General. He's not that kind of person. He's like Manon."

Naomi Mitsuda smiled grimly. "I suppose you're right," she said softly.

Manon was all-business when she next spoke. "We're turning to the left, we're here." Athrun peered at the hangar, and saw that the Earth Alliance's Mobile Suits were already beginning to mobilize. They all tended to be the new models, the Windams. Athrun couldn't tell whether they were merely on standby or about to be deployed, but either way Athrun hoped the EA wouldn't make the situation worse.

As they drove up to the checkpoint, Athrun wondered how much worse the battle would become. He had seen plenty of war, and had no wish to experience any more of it. It had claimed the life of one of his friends, and consumed the life of another. All he knew was that he didn't want anyone else claimed by the carnage either.

But already, in these first few minutes, so many innocent people and soldiers were already dead . . .

Athrun wondered whether it could get any worse.

* * *

"We've lost contact with the final member of the cell," said the secretary, in a soft, perhaps mournful voice.

There was no reason to mourn, in the angel's stern opinion. They were all just rabble, just means to an end. Perhaps, the angel thought, it would've been better to hire elite black operations forces instead of conscripting religious terrorists. Problem was, it was so much easier to cover up a terrorist operation than a black ops unit if something went wrong. The angel had erred on the side of caution. And now he was paying the price for that caution.

Next time, he would buy out a black ops unit. The angel knew there would be a next time. There always was one. He didn't know when it would come, but it would. It had always come in the past.

The angel smirked. "I should have guessed they wouldn't have gotten the job done," he said. "But, then again, I suppose their beloved Allah wasn't on their side today. After all, who would've thought the Coordinator hardliners would launch their own operation on the same day?

"Do you think they're out to destroy the GUNDAM units as well?" the secretary asked.

"Perhaps, or perhaps not. Maybe all they're out to do is co-opt them for their own needs. In which case, they'll be hunted down and destroyed."

The angel's smirk grew wider. "In which case, the GUNDAMs would be destroyed regardless. No matter their massive firepower, a terrorist cell would never be able to make use of them the same way the ZAFT could. All that would happen is more Coordinators will die, and that is never a bad thing."

"But, sir, that would kill EA and Orb soldiers as well?"

"They're unimportant. There's people chosen to lead this world, my good man, and those who would fight alongside Coordinators are not deserving of that responsibility. They can die too."

"That's a harsh thing to say, considering Naturals will die in this too, sir," the secretary said.

The angel sighed. "The world will inevitably rush towards another Coordinator/Natural conflict. This operation was supposed to ensure that the world will maintain going down that path, to yet another clash. What matters in the meantime, before the battle begins is that we prepare the true Naturals, those in favor of purity over mingling with glorified science experiments, for what's to come. We will need all of them ready to take over once the chaos is settled, and the Coordinators and their bastardized little cousins, the Slants, are butchered. All we need is more time and chaos," the angel said.

"And," the angel added in a devious tone, "Perhaps this way, there will be more chaos."

* * *

_"Dammit, how many did they get?" _Lunamaria grunted as she blasted a GINN. The enemy GINN fell backwards onto the street, its errant gun scraping a building and causing sharpnel to fall to the street below.

_"I don't know, just keep your eyes peeled!"_ Rey replied.

Shinn was getting exhausted, even after just this few minutes of battle. The stress and the fear were taking its toll on him. Urban fighting was the worst kind of battle, as Mobile Suits could be lurking anywhere around, and if Shinn wasn't careful he could squash so many vehicles and people, ending their lifes as if he was stepping on an insect.

He had already taken down a pair of GINNs and shared a Zaku kill with Lunamaria. How odd would it be to place their decals on the side of his newly acquired Zaku at the end of the day?

It seemed they were finally getting the upper hand, but Shinn didn't know for sure. The remaining foes had run into the city, and Shinn couldn't maintain an accurate reading on his radar, the buildings were interfering with that. Below him, tanks using anti-Mobile Suit weaponry were deploying, but they were mere nuisances to Zakus, although they could be genuine threats to GINNs if deployed properly.

_"How's your ammo?"_ Rey asked.

_"I'm half-empty,"_ Lunamaria said.

"I'm getting there too," Shinn said.

Rey said _"I've heard the _Minerva_ will be taking off soon. If we can, we should attach ourselves to it. It should contain more than enough supplies for us in case this fight drags on for a while." _

_"It better not,"_ Lunamaria said.

A terrible thought occured to Shinn then. "Hey, Rey?"

_"What?"_ Rey already knew this was going to be bad, judging by his voice.

"Do you think they hijacked anything else besides our GINNs and Zakus? That can't be all what they were after."

Pause.

_"Aw, _crap_,"_ Rey rasped a moment later.

His voice filled the common ZAFT channel a moment later as Shinn instinctively flipped to it. "To any and all ZAFT pilots, can you confirm that the enemy hasn't stolen anything else besides Zakus and GINNs? Answer me."

_"I got no idea!" _screamed a panicky pilot, probably under heavy fire.

An older, more knowledgable voice answered a second later._ "I've heard nothing yet. Communicating with the ground and base is sporadic. All I know is that we're starting to beat them now, we outnumber them and they didn't take as many as we had thought." _

_That's good,_ Shinn thought, relieved.

"_That's why they ran into the city,"_ the older voice said with bitterness. _"They're hoping to use the buildings and our civilians and ground troops to their advantage. They trying to turn the city into a massive hostage." _

"_I know this,"_ Rey said. _"Thank you. Just keep me updated, Commander."_

_"Will do, Captain za Burrel," _the older voice said. Before Shinn switched off to the squad's channel, though, the older voice spoke again, and he sounded a lot less sure of himself.

_"Wait, I see something at the edge of the city. It's an odd Mobile Suit . . . I think it is a . . ." _

_"What?" _Rey asked.

_"It's coming right towards me, it's rushing me head-on!" _the older voice said, in a voice that was approaching panic.

_"We're coming, Commander! Asuka, Hawke, hurry! We have to help him," _Rey said.

_"I'm not doing enough damage, it's got its sword out!" _screamed the Commander's voice.

_"We'll be there in ten seconds, Commander! What is it? What's the Mobile Suit? A Zaku Phantom?" _

Pause. Then the commander screamed something Shinn would never forget.

_"No, it's . . . _it's a GUNDAM!"

Static.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven: Breakout **

_A man can be destroyed but not defeated._  
-Ernest Hemingway, **The Old Man and the Sea**

_Shinn, hold on, I'm coming. Please, stay alive. Wherever you are, stay alive,_ Stellar silently pleaded as her Windam flew towards the ever-expanding battlefield. ZAFT Mobile Suits were engaging ZAFT Mobile Suits. She was hearing random screams whenever she searched ZAFT channels, as shouts of something called a "GUNDAM" began to preoccupy everyone on the ZAFT side.

_A GUNDAM? What's a GUNDAM?_ Stellar thought curiously. _A new Mobile Suit? Or is it some kind of advanced weapon the CLF are using?_

It didn't take a genius to guess who was behind this. In the minds of the CLF, the ZAFT were every bit as guilty as the EA. And it wasn't the usual suspects of Earth's many terrorism organizations, who preferred destruction over anything else. No, this 'GUNDAM' suggested something far more sly than simply blowing something up.

Though, in the end, the 'GUNDAM' things she was hearing about seemed to be about blowing something up. Perhaps they were EA terrorists after all. It probably wouldn't be until after the battle when she would discover the true story.

Her commander, Badaglio, had a firm, commanding tone. _"All right, we're entering the field of battle. Get in contact with a ZAFT pilot. A _true_ ZAFT pilot, I've been hearing of hijackings. Gather as much info as you can and act in accordance with the armistice. Hopefully we'll be able to mop 'em up." _

_"Auel's ready to kick ass in his Windam, sir!" _Auel Neider responded enthusiastically.

_"Commander Badaglio's in no mood for your games, Neider," _the commander said in a wry tone.

"_Sorry, sir,"_ Auel said meekly.

Stellar would have smiled, but something else was preoccupying her mind. She searched through the ZAFT channels, but couldn't hear his voice. Shinn, wherever he was, wasn't talking. And each second she didn't hear his voice, she became more stressed, more afraid.

She searched around the battlefield as she marched near the edge of the nearby ZAFT city. It was just a few hours ago, that she and Shinn had been in the middle of the downtown, shopping in those beautiful parks, now being crushed by gigantic Mobile Suit feet. Sadness and regret gripped her, and she wished that the brass had deployed her faster.

The commander was announcing the EA's presence, trying to keep the probably-panicky ZAFT from shooting at them. Right now, despite their differences, they were allies trying to stop terrorists. Stellar was able to glean that the CLF was definitely behind this one, and hijacking had been their goal. And whatever those 'GUNDAM' things were, the CLF seemed to be in possession of at least three, possibly even four or five, of them. Plus they seemed to have Zakus and GINNs as well.

_This is just a mess. A horrible mess._

_And Shinn's caught up in it!_

Suddenly, a Mobile Suit with a designation familiar to her stepped out. She smiled as she saw it. That was Shinn's Mobile Suit. She had taken care to memorize it in the case they met on the battlefield one day, presumably as allies.

She switched to a private channel to the Mobile Suit, something that would have been impossible just three years ago. "Shinn!" she exclaimed.

The Zaku turned around at her. And then, her smile vanished as she heard a very unfamiliar voice hiss at her.

_"Die, you Natural scum." _

Stellar was barely able to take cover behind a building in time as shot flew past her. As she tried to catch her breath, she wondered how this could've happened. How could a CLF take control of Shinn's . . .

Her heart shuddered as she realized. _Shinn, no . . . not you, not you. Please, not you._

She felt a rage grow within her, something _hot_ that bordered on primal. She had felt this anger once before, when terrorists had invaded her base, threatened to kill Auel and Sting . . . she had killed one and shot two others, and would've killed those two if Auel and Sting hadn't held her back. She had feared feeling like this, but now, she didn't care, in fact, she _wanted_ it.

_They . . . they killed Shinn. And took his Zaku. How dare they . . . _how dare they!

The CLF terrorist was mocking her as he marched towards her position. _"You think you can hide from me? I'm a Coordinator. I'm part of the chosen! You're part of the past. Your precious 'Shinn' is dead because of his Natural-loving ways, and all those who tolerate your existence will die, too."_

She gritted her teeth. _I'll blow you to hell, you bastard._

She suddenly leaned out and began blasting with a fury. Her M9409 Beam Rifle was at the point of overheating when the Zaku collapsed, hissing, and finally exploded.

She cried. She cried for Shinn. Hot tears spilled down her cheeks as she closed her eyes. _Shinn, I wish I had been there. If I'd known this would've happened I'd have defected, I'd have done anything! Shinn, I'm so sorry!_

She heard Sting whistle. _"Wow, Stellar, talk about overkill. You tore that guy apart." _

When she didn't answer, his voice became more concerned._ "Hey, Stellar, you okay? Stellar." _

She tried to speak, but her voice was too choked up. The rage was gone now, replaced by a sadness so powerful she didn't even have the strength to move her Windam. He was so special, and there was so many things she had yet to learn about him, and he was just _gone_. Taken away from her. After all of-

_"Hey, Stellar, is that you in there?" _

_Shinn?_

_"Geez, Stellar, the least you could've done for my Mobile Suit was make it repairable." _

Stellar looked at a nearby Zaku. It had a different code, but that was unmistakeably Shinn. "Shinn!" she cried.

_"Stellar?" _He sounded confused.

"I . . . I thought you were dead. I really thought . . ."

_"Oh, uh . . . my Zaku, uh . . . kinda got stolen, and I'm . . . uh, borrowing someone else's right now. Rey, um, can you transfer updated info to Stellar and her squad, please?" _

_"Yeah, yeah, I'll get on it, Asuka."_ This "Rey" had to be Rey za Burrel, Shinn's commander. He didn't sound thrilled at the prospect, but he did at least sound dutiful.

_"I'm glad you're all right," _Stellar said. _"Really." _

_"I'm just glad you're here, Stellar. Now let's stop these guys together, your squad and mine." _Shinn had a determination in his voice that raised Stellar's morale. Right then, she knew she could easily fight, and the strength returned to her arms and she resumed operating her Windam.

"Right," she said confidently.

_"Hey, Shinn,"_ said a female voice. _"I don't think you had permission to do that." _

_"Shinn's got the right idea, Lunamaria," _said Rey. _"We're going to need to work with the EA to mop up if we want this to end quicker . . . especially with the GUNDAMs loose." _

Suddenly, Stellar remembered what the GUNDAMs were. Problem was, weren't they supposed to be disallowed, now? How could GUNDAMs be possible under the treaty?

She decided she didn't care about that. If the ZAFT were trying to wipe them out, so would she. And nothing would make her happier right now then to have Shinn at her side when they stopped the GUNDAMs. That, as much as anything else, was certain.

* * *

Saburo couldn't go five seconds without hearing Indira's cackling over the radio. In fact, it was borderline incessant.

_"Oh my God, oh my God!"_ Indira exclaimed. _"They're just like little bottles to shoot at! This is so beyond easy!" _

_Speak for yourself, I can barely control this thing,_ Saburo thought. The "Gaia" was a lumbering monster in his hand, good for squishing infantry but he hadn't been able to do much else. It had been about a minute ago when he had figured out how to use the Beam Assault Cannon equipped to his machine.

And he was borderline horrified with the results.

The GINNs were completely hopeless when faced with the cannon. It was like a heavy machine-gun when deployed against infantry, it tore GINNs open at a frightening pace. Zakus could withstand the punishment better but even they collapsed under the withering fire if they took to many shots. Problem is, he was fast running out of ammunition, and he had wasted many, many shots by firing them into buildings and the ground instead of hitting GINNs and Zakus.

He heard Coolidge's voice then, calm and collected. _"We have accomplished our mission, we have all five GUNDAMs in our possession. We're going to need to pull back and retreat. The remaining hijacked Zakus and GINNs will buy us time." _

"How?" Saburo asked as he watched Indira cleave a GINN through the cockpit with her Beam Lance. She laughed uproariously again, as the GINN anticlimactically slammed into the ground in two pieces.

Indira's highly amused voice entered the conversation then. _"Why, silly, we're going to blow open the colony and fly through the hole, that's what." _

He then heard the ultimate commander of this operation, Janeane Cruz, speak. Apparently she had a GUNDAM as well. _"All right, I have "Savior", and Fisk has "Impulse". I've placed Dettwiller in command of the defense. They can't fall back until we're out of here. The quicker we leave, the quicker they can escape too." _

_"But I'm having so much fun!"_ Indira whined.

_"Save it, Indira. You're forgetting we're operating on a limited power supply. You don't want to lose power here." _

_"Hmmph." _

_At least someone can rein her in,_ Saburo thought.

A male voice entered the conversation, which Saburo assumed was Dettwiller:_ "We're down to three Zakus and two GINNs, ma'am. We can't hold out for much longer, the ZAFT traitors have brought Natural reinforcements." _

"_More cannon fodder," _Indira said with relish.

_"Hold them back as long as you can. Don't let them notice we're escaping," _Cruz instructed.

_"Got it, ma'am. We won't fail you." _

Cruz's voice became filled with authority. _"All right, everyone in a GUNDAM, follow me. We'll blow our way out and head to the rendezvous point. Let's not let everyone's deaths be in vain." _

Personally, Saburo just wanted _out_ of this colony. Honor and sacrifice was something he did not want to hear about right now.

* * *

Talia Gladys sighed. It was, at last, time to take off. The _Minerva_ still didn't have a Mobile Suit squadron attached to it, but considering the chaos happening throughout the colony, she knew she had to deploy. Hopefully, if the terrorists had any backup, the _Minerva_ would be able to take care of it. She _was_ sure she had the finest crew available to her, despite the youth of some of them.

"Malik, prepare to take off," she announced. "Madd, if you don't have your crew secure, do it now, we're about to leave."

Madd Ares had something to say about that over the intercom. _"What, right now? Captain-" _

"Do it, Madd. You have ten seconds. We have to deploy now or we'll lose any chance of stopping those terrorists."

"You could surely wait for me to be seated at least."

Talia recognized that voice. She knew it all too well.

"Chairman Durandal, I wasn't aware you were given permission to be onboard a military vessel."

She heard her first officer, Arthur Trine, blurt "The Chairman of the Supreme Council, here?"

Gilbert Durandal seemed most amused. "Yes, yes I am, First Officer Trine. I decided to observe operations from the new flagship of the ZAFT fleet."

Talia Gladys didn't like politicians, and she had thought Durandal wasn't the type of person who submitted himself to politics. This decision he was making bordered on silly and dangerous at the same time, and she disapproved of it. But at the same time, she knew the reasons why.

Durandal needed to seem strong and in charge. Especially as the Earth Alliance was interfering in the battle. Durandal needed to show he didn't need the EA. It had to seem that it was the EA's choice to help the ZAFT, instead of the ZAFT being so weak they needed EA reinforcements.

Of course, Talia knew full well that EA were operating according to the treaty, which meant that they were going to come anyway. The problem was that it could all too be easily assumed that Durandal had begged for assistance more than anything else. If he had seemed to have taken charge, accusations of him being an EA puppet or stooge, or simply an incompetent, would be isolated to the radicals.

The power of perception controlled public opinion as much as anything in the ZAFT. And, if there was one thing Durandal was good at, it was making people perceive him in a positive light. Talia had learned that long ago.

She sighed. "Just know this isn't a cruise ship, Chairman. It can get rough, especially in a battle."

"I know this and I'm prepared for it," Durandal said firmly.

Talia knew Durandal had made up his mind and nothing would change it. "Understood. We're taking off."

She shouted orders into the intercom. "All crew members, get to safety positions! Begin lift procedures! Begin the countdown, secure all apartments!"

The orders fired from her as fast as any machine-gun. "Close all the bulkheads! Open the gate! Radar and sensors better be 360 degrees, Bart!"

"They are," assured Bart Heim.

The gate had opened, and the _Minerva_ was now hovering above it, right by Hawking base, with the city to its left. Talia smiled. So far, everything was going without a hitch, as long as everyone had been seated in time.

Suddenly, Bart began shouting from his station. "I have five Mobile Suits fleeing towards the exterior of the colony! Their designation is coming as GUNDAM-class!"

"They have the GUNDAMs?" Talia said in surprise. Immediately, she knew what had to be done.

"Durandal, I ask for permission for operational control of pursuing the GUNDAMs," Talia said.

"Permission granted. Until further notice, control is yours, Captain Gladys," Durandal said in a gracious tone.

Talia turned to her youngest officer, Meyrin Hawke. She was a teenager but was extremely intelligent, quick-thinking, and collected. Considering that ZAFT had lost so many adults in the previous war, Talia was willing to gamble on Meyrin's potential. "Signal the closest Mobile Suits to our position. I don't care of they're ZAFT, EA, and Orb, or GINN, Zaku, Dagger, Windam, and Astray. Whoever's close by has just been transferred to the _Minerva_ and will help us pursue the GUNDAM machines. Try for the closest twenty-four Mobile Suits to our position."

"Twenty-four, ma'am?" Meyrin did not sound happy about that.

"Just a general call for them to rally around the _Minerva_."

"All right," Meyrin said with a sigh.

_I'm not letting them off that easy. GUNDAMs or no, none of those terrorists are getting away today. Not on my watch.

* * *

_

_"We've pinned them down into a small section of the city," _one of the Earth Alliance commanders was saying. _"Can any of you attempt to surround them?" _

"My squad's currently stuck," Rey said to the Earth Alliance commander. The three Mobile Suits under his command had backed a GINN up against a building and separated it from its allies. Eventually, it was taken apart under withering fire and collapsed into the street, destroying many cars, the street, and both sidewalks in the process.

"Correction," Rey said. "We're free to loop around."

He was getting tired, and he did not like the amount of ammunition he had left. His Mobile Suit would need to be recharged soon too. If this battle dragged out for too much longer he would need to leave it to the Earth Alliance to mop things up, and Rey didn't want the EA to finish the fight. Not without a ZAFT presence, at least.

Suddenly, a new voice entered his com. _"This is Ensign Meyrin Hawke of the battleship _Minerva_. Five enemy Mobile Suits are attempting to escape the colony. By the power vested in her by Chairman Durandal, Captain Gladys of the _Minerva_ implores you to join her in pursuing the GUNDAM machines. Whether you be Earth Alliance, ZAFT, or Orb, please help us stop the terrorists from escaping this colony." _

_"Sis?"_ Lunamaria blurted.

_"Rey, what do we do?" _Shinn asked_. "We need to finish these guys off, but-" _

_"It's not just the ZAFT she's calling, it's the Earth Alliance too," _said a Earth pilot._ "We all should go and those who didn't get contacted can handle mop-up duty. I don't know what GUNDAMs are doing here, but if they anything like the last war's we don't want to escape." _

"Agreed," Rey said. "Asuka, Hawke, we're joining the _Minerva_. Activate thrusters. Looks like we've found our ship."

Lunamaria was already taking off, but Shinn sounded hesitant. He heard Shinn ask _"Stellar, did you get contacted?" _

_"I did, Shinn. Don't worry, I'm coming with you. So is the rest of the team." _

Shinn's voice was filled with relief. _"That's great. Let's go." _

Rey normally didn't care if his pilots were in romances, but he had a feeling this one was going to be a problem. Things were going to be extremely delicate from this point forward, and if EA/ZAFT relations deteriorated, that would mean that Shinn and this "Stellar" flame would wind up on opposite sides. He needed to be able to trust Shinn to fight for the ZAFT, and he wasn't sure he could do that.

But that didn't matter right now. He supposed he could worry about that later, such as after the battle. For now, his primary concern was stopping those GUNDAMs. Rey activated his thrusters, and blasted out of the city, charging towards the colony wall. He had just enough fuel to catch and engage the GUNDAMs for a few precious minutes . . .

* * *

Rick Dettwiller was in trouble. His position was becoming untenable, and he knew it. The enemy Mobile Suits, whether ZAFT, Earth Alliance, and now the Orb, vastly outnumbered him, and he was running out of energy and ammunition, to say nothing of his surviving troops. But they had to buy Janeane Cruz and her group more time. The fight was winnable with the GUNDAM machines, but the GUNDAMs would not be able to escape and the longer war would be lost.

So, he had to sacrifice himself for the greater purpose. But he knew it didn't have to come to that. All he needed was to buy a couple more minutes, and he'd try to escape with his remaining troops. He could still do it. He still had the energy to do it.

That little strand of hope was motivating him to keep fighting on despite the overwhelming odds. But, as he was pinned down by an overwhelming barrage of firepower, he saw that little strand become thinner and thinner, until it was almost nonexistent.

_I need just another minute. Just another minute. Please, Commander Cruz, get out of here!_

Suddenly, he saw that several Mobile Suits were taking off around his position. For a split second, he thought that his troops were abandoning him and the mission, but he quickly saw that all of the Mobile Suits were adversaries. Why would they be taking off when-

He knew why. And he immediately got on the radio.

"Commander Cruz, we've got Mobile Suits taking off in pursuit of you! We can hold them off no longer, get out however you can and as fast as you-

_"Major Dettwiller, we have a Dagger charging-GYAAAAA-" _Then there was nothing.

Dettwiller turned to see his last remaining GINN sliced in half and exploding after impacting the ground. To his left, his last Zaku was torn apart by ferocious fire. Dettwiller, knowing time was up, prepared his thrusters to take off, only to see the enemy Dagger that had destroyed the GINN rushing right for him.

_I won't get killed by a mere Natural!_

He aimed his MMI-M633 Beam Assault Rifle and began shooting a consistent volley at the Dagger. He saw the beams impact and explode, but the Dagger kept coming even as it was progressively torn apart. It occurred to Dettwiller that the Dagger's pilot was killed, but the Dagger was out of control, going at full speed, and nothing was going to stop it.

He ran out of ammunition then, and as he tried to reach for his MA-M8 Beam Tomahawk, he saw it was too late. The Dagger's beam sword cleaved into his cockpit, and then the rest of the Dagger plowed into him. The Zaku Phantom was driven backwards into a building, and promptly exploded.

The building crumbled then, on top of the burnt, pathetic, blackened remnants of the Zaku Phantom and the Dagger. Within ten seconds, a morbid, makeshift gravestone was created for both pilots.

* * *

"Did they get Dettwiller?" Saburo asked no one in particular as he reached the edge of the colony. At this point, all pretenses of a sky were gone, and it was quite obvious they were staring at a bulkhead.

Janeane Cruz's voice came back grimly. _"It won't be in vain. It is because of him and the troops under his command why we're here right now."_

_"He said that we have pursuit coming. Hurry," _Coolidge said, stress entering his voice.

_"I'll tear them all apart myself," _Indira said.

_"No, Indira. We don't have the energy or the time do that. We have to make it to the rendezvous if the mission is going to be a success,"_ Cruz said coolly.

_"Dammit." _Indira's reluctance was audible.

Cruz aimed her most powerful weapon available to her, the MA-7B Super Fortis Beam Cannon, specifically built for giving damage to ships and high-armored exteriors. She let loose, and moments later, a gaping hole was created in the colony. Atmosphere leaked out, and Saburo felt a slight pulling sensation as the vacuum beckoned to his GUNDAM machine.

Suddenly, laser shots flew past them. Saburo turned around, and saw a ship he had never seen before coming right up to them. A scan told him it was called the _Minerva_.

"You!" Indira was infuriated._ "I'll tear you apart!" _

"_Now's not the time, Indira! We have to go, and go now!"_ Cruz was already entering space in the "Savior", and Fisk and Coolidge were also gone in their machines as well. It occurred to Saburo that he should leave too, and he accelerated towards the gaping hole in the colony.

_I have to get out of here. If I do, my mission's done. And hopefully I'll get a break. I need one, really bad._ He had _killed_ quite a few people today, and he hoped it would be a _very_ long time before he had to kill again.

* * *

"Lady Joule! Lady Joule!"

"Yes?" asked Ezalia Joule softly.

"We have reports from Janeane Cruz. We have all five-I repeat, all five GUNDAM machines. They all belong to us now. The other GUNDAM pilots include Fisk, Coolidge, Mehrvash, and Uzumaki."

"Good, good." Ezalia Joule sighed. This would not only establish her organization as a credible alternative to the ZAFT, but it made her something to be reckoned with. But she had no doubt in her mind they had taken a lot casualties to get those GUNDAMs.

_At least my son wasn't there,_ she thought. Ezalia had been careful to operate where her son wasn't, to avoid the possibility of him being killed by her troops. Yzak was too good of a son to die right now, especially when he had so much raw potential. Ezalia sincerely hoped when she took power in the Supreme Council that she would be able to fly Yzak through the ranks in a hurry.

She took another deep breath, and forced herself to relax. "Any other survivors?"

"No, Cruz just confirmed it's just everyone piloting a GUNDAM."

Ezalia nodded. That was about what she was expecting. "Fine. Decloak at once, and launch the Mobile Suits. We'll buy them time so they can board. I have no doubt they are being chased."

"They are. I'm hearing of a battleship and assorted Mobile Suits."

Ezalia nodded. "All right, deploy now . . . and prepare Mehrvash's meds. I'm going to need Ilia for a while, not Indira."

"Understood, Lady Joule."

Ezalia nodded to herself then. Phase One was down. Now would come the most difficult part for her, emotionally and physically.

_They don't have any idea what's about to hit them . . . especially those Naturals. They think they have earned the right to peace? No, they haven't. They'll learn there'll be no peace for them until the ZAFT are dominant, once and for all.

* * *

_

The angel couldn't help but laugh.

"I can't believe it!" the angel cried. "This will cause the most chaos of any scenario I came up with! I can't believe we are so lucky! The world will burn, and the Coordinators will seal their fate!"

_Yes, their fate will be sealed, all right. They'll being closing their own little coffin. I do love irony._

He forced himself to calm down. The work of his little Slant informant was useful, but he couldn't keep himself preoccupied with assumptions. There was still a chance things could go wrong, there was still so many alternate scenarios that could happen.

But the chance of the most destructive scenario had increased by twenty percent. It now had nearly a quarter chance of happening. And the other scenarios also had their destructive moments as well.

_Naturals can use science for more than just genetics, Coordinators. It's time you learned that once and for all. We made you, and we can just as easily destroy you. Coordinators are nothing but a misguided science experiment, and when experiments malfunction, when they react unpredictably in a bad way, they must be destroyed._

_You are no different, Coordinators. You will all learn that oh-so soon._

_But first, I will observe a little longer. Yes, just a little longer. Just to see if the most glorious scenario increases in likelihood, even just a little bit. _

He smirked.

_Just a little bit indeed_.

* * *

_He will need your help soon._

_What did you say?_

_My brother. He will need your help soon._

_Your brother? Why?_

_Something terrible will happen to him soon. It will kill him if you're not there for him._

_What do you mean by that?_

_My brother isn't supposed to die. But something will make him die. Make everyone die. Even I can't protect him from this. I need help._

_I don't understand any of this!_

_You'll start seeing the signs soon. And the true cause of my brother's death, and everyone's death, will come from a person you believed you could trust._

_Are you just playing games with me now?_

_I will talk with you again soon. I hope you will see the signs._

_Hey wait! Don't leave me here! Don't leave me so confused! Why can't you just tell me what's happening?_

He woke up.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight: Pursuit**

_No cloud above, no earth below-  
A universe of sky and snow. _  
-John Greenleaf Whittier, **Snowbound**

Naomi Mitsuda woke up to feeling one of the most intense headaches in recent memory. She sat up, only to hear a female voice say "Hey, don't sit up so fast. Calm down and lay down."

Naomi _knew_ the voice from somewhere, but couldn't place it. Couldn't see the source either, the room was much too bright. The voice didn't sound hostile, though, so Naomi laid back down. She was starting to remember before, she had been shot, and the pain had become gradually more and more intense.

She squinted, and recognized the familiar blond locks of the youthful Representative of Orb, Cagalli Yula Athha.

"Okay," she said in a sardonic tone, "Why the heck are _you_ of all people sitting here? That's a position reserved for my husband."

"Well," Cagalli said casually, "As far as Orb intelligence goes, you don't _have_ a husband."

Naomi froze up, and then laughed. "Of course," she said.

"Orb intelligence has its moments of competency as well, you know," Cagalli said.

Naomi sighed. "Seriously, why? Don't you have anything better to do than sit around here, Representative Athha?"

"Wish I did. I'm stranded here for the moment, locked onboard your flagship: the _Leighton Abrams_. Your ship's received emergency authorization to chase after the terrorists and as of right now I'm honestly stuck."

"But you're not a hostage, right?"

"No. Just couldn't leave before lockdown. I gave the _Kusanagi_ a call, they're on the way. Once everything settles down I'll transfer there."

Naomi nodded slowly. She wished the headache would go away, and soon. It was honestly starting to drive her crazy. The lights had dimmed somewhat, and she could see Cagalli's face, but sharp pains would enter her head every now and then.

Naomi looked towards her IV. A bag of blood was right under it, with a drip looked up to her arm. She looked towards Cagalli.

"Yeah, it's mine. I've faced a lot worse than needles, I'm no crybaby."

"Yes, but-"

"Don't worry about it, Madam Secretary-General. I'm not out for a thanks, you just lost a lot of blood, Athrun's an O-positive when you need a negative, and your bodyguard doesn't share your blood type at all."

Cagalli sounded somewhat embarrassed, and Naomi decided not to press the subject. She sighed as she stared at the ceiling. "I suppose negotiations will have to wait for later, then," she said.

"Yeah, I guess so." Cagalli kicked back against the chair. "I hope we can get them back underway. I _do_ want my people back in their country."

"I understand. I'll make arrangements once this is over with. I think the Earth Federation's used Morgenroete personnel long enough regardless."

Cagalli smiled warmly. It occurred to Naomi that she had never seen this young woman, still in adolescence somewhat, ever smile like that before. In fact, Naomi couldn't remember the last time she herself had smiled like that. So happily, so openly. "Thank you," Cagalli said.

"No problem. Like you said earlier, I'm not out for a thanks, it's the right thing to do." Suddenly, Naomi felt extremely amused and began laughing softly.

"What?" Cagalli asked, confused.

"I think your blood brought some of your personality along for the ride, too. Despite the headache I haven't felt this energetic in years. I want to stay in bed and yet get out of it."

Cagalli sounded amused too. "That has to be a strange feeling."

Before Naomi could reply, Cagalli stood up. "Your bodyguard, Manon, is back. I'm going to leave now, I do have some official business to conduct. You just rest. We got out of there alive, Madam Secretary-General. That's what matters, most of all. We can still make a difference even with what happened."

And then Cagalli was gone, and Naomi was left with a very different impression of the young woman than she used to have.

* * *

Talia Gladys' face slowly contorted into a stern glare as she saw the enemy ship seemingly materialize out of nowhere. _Mirage Colloid_, she thought in both exasperation and disgust. _Terrorists never have to play by treaties and morals. They have no honor at all._

Bart Heim was already yelling out updates. "We've got Mobile Suits ma'am. Lots of 'em. They're heading towards our cadre."

Talia's frown eased. She couldn't let emotion rule her right now. She was a professional soldier and a leader among everyone else here. Her eyes turned steely as she said "Meyrin, get in contact with the Mobile Suits and organize them. They're going to meet our foes head on. I want Tristan and Isolde armed and ready to fire. We all better be ready for a fight."

"Got it," Meyrin said, and she set about her task, more comfortable than she had been moments earlier in the colony. Talia nearly smiled knowingly, Meyrin was adjusting fast despite her youth and inexperience.

Abby Windsor of primary armaments announced "Tristan and Isolde are online and ready to fire. I'm targeting the bogie vessel in front of us."

"They're not bogies, Abby," Talia said coolly.

"They're not?"

"No." Her voice became every bit as steely as her eyes. "Classify them as vampires. You all know as well as I do that there's about to be a fight."

Arthur spoke up. "Wouldn't it help to try to negotiate? It could buy us some time."

"We don't negotiate with terrorists. Never have, never will," Talia said firmly.

"That's right," Gilbert said, sounding dead serious himself. "If we negotiate with them, all that will happen is that they'll scheme to subvert us and prey upon our weakness. We need to defeat them now before they can regroup elsewhere."

Arthur looked disappointed and intimidated at the same time. "I-I understand."

Malik Yardbirds spoke up then. "We're within firing distance."

"Right," Talia said. Her eyes narrowed as she peered at the distant vessel. "Let them have it. Fire Tristan and Isolde!"

Almost immediately, the big guns fired, suggesting Abby already had her fingers on the triggers. The battle had begun, and Talia hoped that it would end as quickly as it had begun.

* * *

_"Where the hell did these guys come from?"_ wailed an Earth pilot.

_That's something I want to know myself,_ Shinn thought as he entered the firefight between CLF and allied Mobile Suits.

It was supposed to be just chasing down five Mobile Suits. But now, at least a full squadron, maybe more, was fighting him and his own allies at close range. And to make matters worse, a couple of the hijacked GUNDAM machines were hanging back, and by themselves the machines were making the battle even strength, even though the CLF was technically outnumbered.

_"Rey, you better have a plan for getting us out of this!"_ Lunamaria Hawke cried.

_"Just stay in formation!"_ Rey shouted. _"Don't scatter! That way, if one of us gets in the way of a GUNDAM, we all can fight it!" _

One of the GUNDAMs was brandishing a kind of beam lance that reminded Shinn of a medieval halberd. There was wreckage of various Mobile Suits all around it, and Shinn was left with the rather creepy thought that the GUNDAM had destroyed allies to kill more enemies.

He did a scan. Apparently, any secret codes that hid the identity had been broken or disabled, for it came back as "Abyss". He found that oddly fitting, for the paint scheme was so dark it almost blended in with space.

Rey's voice came back, and it was harried. _"We have two remaining GUNDAM machines out here: "Saviour" and "Abyss". Our orders are to let the _Minerva_'s guns soften 'em up before we move in for the kill."_

"Sounds like a good plan," Shinn said. Then he realized he had spoken too soon. "What about if they're charging us?" Shinn cried.

_"Damn!"_ Rey growled. He and Lunamaria joined Shinn in a all-out barrage on the enemy GUNDAM, but then Shinn's worst nightmare came true.

_I'm out_.

He futilely fired the trigger a few more times, and then screamed "Rey, Lunamaria! I'm out! I have to pull back!"

Lunamaria offered no help. _"I'm out too!" _

Only Rey was still shooting, and the GUNDAM was dodging Rey almost effortlessly. Shinn engaged his thrusters and immediately set his course for the _Minerva_. He would literally need to dive into the bay with Lunamaria if he was going to survive this.

Rey shouted _"Hawke, Asuka, head for the _Minerva_! I've got this one!" _

Shinn knew there was no point in arguing. All that would happen is that they'll be exposed, with only beam sabers against a fully-equipped, highly-advanced killing machine. At least with his gun Rey still had a chance.

The GUNDAM rushed Rey and cleaved both of his Zaku Phantom's legs off in one stroke, but spared the cockpit. However, doing that had knocked Rey's control system out of wack, and he was floating around the field of battle out of control. Surprisingly, the GUNDAM didn't decelerate to finish Rey off. Instead, it kept pursuing Shinn and Lunamaria like the Headless Horseman after a hapless victim.

_"Damn it, what does it want with us?" _Lunamaria growled.

"I don't know!" Shinn answered. _Must go faster, must go faster, you better go faster you blasted thing!_

Lunamaria signaled her sister to open the hangar bay, and despite reluctance for obvious reasons, Meyrin managed to get the hangar to open. Lunamaria and Shinn both rushed towards it, with Lunamaria giving strict, panicky instructions to close the bay before the GUNDAM could reach them.

Shinn immediately saw that the bay would close too late. And he knew what he had to do, considering that he was behind Lunamaria.

He stopped at the entrance of the bay, as Lunamaria's machine dove in, and Shinn drew his beam saber. At least this weapon remained charged, and he could take it on this way.

He suddenly heard a deep, mature woman's voice. _"Shinn Asuka, who apparently is a Slant. How amusing that a Slant was able to get into the pilot's ranks." _

_Is that the terrorist? How did she-ah, forget it. She has our communication codes, we built the damn thing!_ Shinn thought.

_"DIE, SLANT!" _

The GUNDAM barreled towards him at top speed, and Shinn was barely able to block her blow in time, but the GUNDAM nevertheless drove him deep into the hangar bay, and they slammed against Lunamaria's machine.

Lunamaria screamed something unintelligible but it was undoubtedly a string of rapid-fire curse words. Shinn kept his beam sabre out, and saw that it was grinding against the halberd-like lance.

"Damn it," he growled.

The woman suddenly acted _weird_ to Shinn, almost if she was getting some perverse pleasure from this. _"Oh, you have such a cute voice, Slant! You must be an adorable little boy. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to kill you because you're also a pathetic Slant trying to hide in the bosoms of someone bigger and stronger than you." _

_Is this woman frickin' psycho?_ Shinn thought.

Lunamaria growled _"Shinn, my radar better be wrong, or so help me . . ."_

"I need the help! She's going to break my saber!" Shinn cried.

Suddenly, he heard Stellar scream a battle cry as _she_ rammed into the GUNDAM, causing Lunamaria and Shinn to be driven against the wall _hard_. The GUNDAM, however, brought out an unpleasant surprise: she had yanked out Shinn's backup saber from its "holster", and was now using it to defend against Stellar.

_"I won't let you kill Shinn!"_ Stellar snarled.

_"Ah, the adorable little boy's been taken. That seals both of your fates as well as I'm concerned,"_ said the woman, in a tone that Shinn could only describe as _casually insane_.

_"Shinn, get the hell off of me!"_ Lunamaria shouted.

"I can't!" Shinn yelled back.

_Damn it, she's got me and Stellar in a stalemate, and my saber's running out of energy. How long can I hold out like this?

* * *

_

Madd Aves was furious. He cocked his vacuum-ready bazooka and marched out into the hangar with a spacesuit on, and he instructed an extremely nervous, also suited-up Vino Dupre to load the weapon.

"_No one_ barges into my hangar and gets away with it," he snarled.

He let loose with a double barrage of vacuum-capable rockets right at the GUNDAM's left arm that kept the Windam at bay.

Indira saw it, but it was too late. Cursing, she tried to dodge it anyway, but her left arm took so much damage from such a close-range assault that she dropped the sword she had procured from the Zaku. Knowing that she had to leave and hurry, Indira poured on the thrusters and drove the enemy Windam out of the hangar bay, grinding it against the bottom as they went.

_I'll have to toy with you some other time, cutie._

She heard the female pilot of the Windam scream as it was driven against the ground, and Indira took pleasure in that. She liked facing teenagers. They made such a pleasurable sound when they screamed, like children, only with deeper voices. Such a fragile state, adolescence was. Indira loved to exploit that as much as she wanted.

She blasted out of the hangar, and the Windam fell free and spiraled into space, out of control. Indira was about to engage the _Minerva_ when she realized that her rifle was out of energy, as well as her lance.

_Damn it! I was hoping 'some other time' would be in a few seconds!_ Indira thought.

She suddenly heard that bothersome woman, Janeane Cruz, yelling at her. _"Indira, you need to return to base now! I don't know what stunt you just pulled, but if you don't get out of there you're going to be shot down!"_

"I'm out of energy anyway. I _was_ going to pull back."

_"Then do it!" _

Janeane Cruz was _such_ a stickler. However, Indira saw that without charged weaponry, the amount of damage she could cause was minimal. So, before the gunners on the _Minerva_ noticed her, she turned around and blasted off, heading back for base. She could not _wait_ until she got to face that darling young man again, and his apparently close Natural girlfriend. Oh, the pain she could cause with that pair . . .

She could only salivate.

Shinn tried to take some deep breaths. "I'm alive. I'm alive. I'm alive."

Slowly, that chant-like saying turned into a whoop. "Hey! I'm alive! I made it! Lunamaria, we made it!"

_"Wonderful. Get off of me." _

"Oh, sorry." Shinn positioned his Mobile Suit accordingly, and Shinn breathed sighs of relief. The GUNDAM had left, and apparently wasn't able to do any real damage to the ship. There was just one problem . . .

Shinn's face fell. "Stellar."

He instantly contacted Stellar's Windam, which apparently was close by but indeed had been jettisoned out of the hangar. "Stellar, Stellar! Are you all right? Answer me!"

_"I-I'm fine, Shinn." _

She sounded woozy, but at least her talking to him was a good sign. "What happened, Stellar?"

_"She tackled me with her damaged arm and drove me out of the hangar bay. I have a _bad_ headache and I have cosmetic damage to the back end of the Windam, but I can still move this thing. Can you tell your friends to let me in, please?" _

She did sound shook up. It didn't surprise Shinn at all. He didn't want to imagine what that experience had been like for Stellar. At least she hadn't been killed. At least that psycho of a pilot hadn't thought to cleave Stellar in two while she was at it.

"All right. I'll do that. I'm just glad you're okay. That was one of the scariest moments of my life."

_"Hell, that _was_ the scariest moment of my life, Shinn. I can't _wait_ to hear what was worse than _this."

Stellar had clearly been joking in a graveyard way, but that hit Shinn _hard_. He had experienced things worse than this, far worse, in a personal way.

_Mayu . . ._

_"Shinn?" _

"I-I'm sorry. I'll call Madd up. I think he was the one who damaged the GUNDAM's arm, by the way. Make sure to thank him."

_"I will. I'm coming in, Shinn. I'll talk to you soon." _

"Yes. I can't wait to see you," Shinn said, with a small smile appearing across his face.

_"Ah, young love," _Lunamaria said sardonically.

"Oh, shut up. Like you're one to talk, crushing on Rey at all."

_"Why, you-"_

In just a minute, it seemed like a GUNDAM hadn't penetrated the hangar bay at all.

* * *

"So, Vampire One's falling back?" Talia said.

"Yes, Captain," Bart said. "They've apparently retrieved both of the GUNDAM machines still operating outside, and they're accelerating away from the ship. It's _incredibly_ fast."

_A ship of such speed, and yet the strength to withstand our salvos like that . . . I wouldn't be surprised if we have encountered the CLF's flagship._ Talia thought.

"All right. Tell all Mobile Suits in need of resupply to head for the hangar. Hopefully Madd's done enough clean-up in there so we can admit them. Any fresh Mobile Suits will pursue Vampire One with us," Talia said.

"Right, Captain," Malik said. "We're accelerating now."

"Good," Talia said. She sighed and closed her eyes for a brief moment. This was by far the most intense experience she had had since the Bloody Valentine War, and she hoped that this will be over with soon enough so the ship could return to peace. She knew that as long as those GUNDAMs remained in the CLF's possession, the CLF would continue to wage war against the ZAFT, the EA, and the Orb. It would be like the Bloody Valentine had never stopped.

Suddenly, Bart shouted "Our sensors are picking up bulbous devices in space in front of us! I can't identify them!"

"Malik, halt the ship!" Talia shouted.

"Slowing down, ma'am!" Malik said.

Bart, meanwhile, was reading his sensors' report out loud. "They're large devices, potentially dangerous . . . oh damn it, they're mines! We have mines on timer right in front of us!"

Talia knew there was no time to hesitate. "Malik! Reverse thrust! Get us out of here!"

"I'm on it!" Malik instantly switched power to the emergency engines, and the _Minerva_ ever so slowly began to creep backwards. The engines were small and didn't have much fuel, and Talia could only hope they got the ship far enough away to make a difference.

"Meyrin! Get every Mobile Suit out there to pull back! Now! We have mines!"

"Yes, Captain!" Meyrin shouted, and she immediately began broadcasting. "All Mobile Suits, fall back at once. We have mines close to our position. I repeat, we have mines close to our position. Fall back immediately-"

Suddenly, bright flashes of light erupted right in front of the _Minerva_, sending out shockwaves that caused the whole ship to shake. Talia's hands gripped the handrests as hard as she could as the ship weathered the shock.

Arthur had slipped and fallen, and through a pained moan he said "Are we still alive?"

"Apparently. All departments must report damages at once? Everyone isn't injured, right?" Talia asked.

"I don't feel so good . . ." Arthur moaned.

"Well, you seem fine, so get up."

"Yes, ma'am." Arthur said meekly.

She turned to the ZAFT Chairman. "Are _you_ all right?"

"I had my seatbelt fastened," he said coolly.

"All right. Everyone, get back to your posts. Meyrin, how many Mobile Suits were destroyed in the blasts?"

Meyrin sounded horribly shaken up. "T-T-Ten, no twelve of them . . ."

Talia sensed Meyrin was going to need some help later. She _was_ a teenager, after all. If Meyrin needed a minute to vent Talia was more than prepared to give that to her . . . _once_ the ship was back in order.

"It's not your fault, I didn't see the mine coming, Meyrin. You got on there as fast as you could. You _can_ still keep everyone organized?"

"Y-Yes, ma'am."

"All right, then organize everyone. You're a soldier, Meyrin."

Before she could say anything more, the screen in front of her came to life. _"This is Captain Sven Johanssen of the _Leighton Abrams_. We're here to assist in the pursuit of the terrorists." _

Talia smiled grimly. "Glad you can be of assistance, Captain. Could you please help in organizing the Mobile Suits still out there, while preparing to move at the same time? They got a head start on us because of those mines."

_"We saw. We'll help as quickly as we can."_ Then Johanssen's monitor switched off, and Talia leaned back and wiped her brow. It looked like her life was going to remain stressful for just a while longer . . .


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine: Time to Waste**

_How like a mirror, too, her face. Impossible; for how many people did you know who refracted your own light to you? People were more often . . . torches, blazing away until they whiffed out. How rarely did other people's faces take at you and throw back at you your own expression, your own most trembling innermost thought?_  
-Ray Bradbury, **Fahrenheit 451 **

Lacus Clyne was tired. Reverend Malchio couldn't come back soon enough. Her voice was worn out, the acoustic guitar and microphone she had been using was put away, and all of the little children had finally been tucked in now. The big kids could go to bed when they wanted to as long as it wasn't too late, and Lacus was looking forward to a break.

But she also loved her job anyway. She was gone from the excesses of pop music, away from the corruption of politics. Living her life like this brought her great joy, even with the sadness and stress. In other words, Lacus was experiencing every aspect of life, and that was something she did not regret.

Most pop stars would have been horrified at the prospect of being "reduced" to singing to children three years after churning out hit song after hit song. But Lacus knew that she needed to take responsibility now. The time to be working in the studio and with producers had ended. It was time to make something meaningful out of her life, and she was going to pursue that.

Living a quiet, charitable life with Kira. That's what she wanted. That's what she was going to try to get. She was halfway there. She hoped that with just a little more time, a little more healing, Kira would be fully there. And she would be happy, and so would Kira.

That was the plan, at any rate.

Suddenly, she heard footsteps from behind her. She turned around, and saw Kira. And he looked _horrible_.

"Kira?" she asked.

"Lacus, I'm losing it. Help me," he pleaded softly.

He was going to collapse on the floor, but Lacus got him and slowly helped him to the ground. She was a little stronger physically now than she was before they came to the orphanage, but even underweight Kira still stressed her arms to their limits. She ignored the sudden pain and let Kira's head rest on her shoulder.

"Kira, Kira, it's all right. You're not crazy. I _know_ you're not crazy."

"I am crazy, Lacus. You don't understand."

Lacus couldn't hide her skepticism in her voice, no matter how hard she tried. "Tell me why, then."

"Why does this little girl come to me in a dream and say everyone's gonna die?"

Lacus paused. This _wasn't_ the usual Kira nightmare. Usually no one spoke to him in a civilized manner in his nightmares. They all screamed at him, in anger, fear, and sadness. Cradling broken, dead loved ones in their arms. Or, more often that not, they were zombie-like horrors, undead ghosts, making sure he never rested until he would simply die.

"No one's gonna die, Kira. Everyone's safe."

"No one's gonna be safe, Lacus. The girl said something's going to happen. From someone I thought I could trust."

"You can trust me, Kira."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

Lacus got angry then, but stifled it. The last thing Kira needed was a tongue-lashing. In his state, if _she_ got angry, he would completely lose it. Apparently, some deep, dark part of Kira's mind was messing with him, and he was trying to drive himself crazy. She _had_ to fix it before it was too late.

She scanned the room, and hoped the kids weren't around. It seemed there hadn't enough noise to attract their attention. They were probably all watching their television screens, watching some super robot show piloted by an unquestionably awesome group of individuals who didn't deal with the pain of killing other human beings because they took down monsters.

If only life could be so simple.

"Kira, if I were going to betray you, do you think I would've done it by now?"

"I don't know anymore."

"Kira, I have stood by you for three years. Ever since this started happening." Her voice was beginning to break. "I have done nothing but support and love you. I don't want you to . . . to . . ."

She was crying now. She was going to lose him, she could feel it. And this morning he had started out so much better than usual too. Why was this happening? Why couldn't she slay these demons that assaulted his mind and heart?

"I'm sorry, Lacus. Please don't cry. You're right. It's not you."

His grip on her back became tighter. Lacus let out a brief gasp. "Kira . . ."

"You could've hurt me anytime you wanted, but you never do. Instead, all I've done is hurt _you_."

"Kira, don't do this to yourself. And don't tell me you're going to listen to some little girl conjured in front of you."

"I've never seen this little girl before. She has this dark hair and eyes . . . and she doesn't look evil. Just sad."

"Sad?"

"Sad."

Lacus was confused now. So the girl wasn't tormenting him in anything but the words she spoke? The girl wasn't accusing him of being a mass murderer, a war criminal?

Kira continued to ramble. "She told me she wanted to protect her big brother, but she wouldn't be able to from this. She said _I_ have to protect everyone. Someone I trust . . . someone probably very close to me, like Athrun or Murrue . . . is going to do something terrible soon. Something that'll kill everyone."

"Did she name anyone?"

"No."

"Then this is just another nightmare, Kira. This isn't anything supernatural. You nearly started to fight me just a moment ago because of it, right?"

"Yeah?"

"It's nothing, Kira. Just something trying to tear you apart. Now stand up, and I'll help you to bed. I'll be right by your side all night once I'm done here."

He took a deep breath. "O . . . Okay."

She turned and kissed him softly on the cheek. "Good. Now get up."

She brought him to his feet, and held his hand all the way to the bedroom.

_I won't let your dark side take you away from me, Kira. I love you. I will continue fighting this battle because I love you. And we will win, Kira.

* * *

_

Saburo just wanted to get some rest. He was one of five -_ five_ people who had survived that mission. Who had returned to base. All of them who now had a GUNDAM to call their own. The CLF's next phase, whatever it was, was said to have a much higher chance of succeeding because they now possessed the powerful GUNDAM Mobile Suits.

_"Gaia" now belongs to me. Who would've thought it?_ Saburo thought.

He had control of one of the most powerful Mobile Suits ever made. And yet, he didn't feel excited about having so much power. This wasn't something he was used to. He was always used to being at the bottom rung, of struggling just to be on a playing field. He should be _relishing_ the prospect of finally having the advantage.

But he couldn't. He just couldn't help but feel that they all had made a mistake by attacking that ZAFT hangar and getting so many CLF personnel killed for just five advanced Mobile Suits. Were the GUNDAMs a suitable price to pay for all of those soldiers, gunned down in and around Hawking?

He knew he would find his answer out soon enough. And he had the strangest feeling that the answer wouldn't be favorable.

As he walked into his newly designated sleeping quarters, he thought about what it would be like sleeping alone from now on. For no longer would he have to bunk with some person. The privilege of being a pilot meant that he would get his own room, and Ezalia Joule had stuck to that promise.

He supposed he should be happy he finally didn't have to share a room with some other guy. But a part of him was left wondering _I fought and survived that mission just to have my own room?_

He had no girlfriend. He had no family. If he had a home it was this ship in perpetual jeopardy. He had been reduced to having practically nothing. Even the small amount he had now seemed minuscule compared to what he had before the war. None of this seemed to be worth it anymore.

And yet, he knew he would need to take the GUNDAM back out. He would need to fight. He was in possession of a property worth even more than gold.

He was trapped and there was no way out.

And then he found out how that felt like physically.

Indira Mehrvash suddenly appeared when he opened his door. He gaped at her. She was dressed skimpily; she was wearing shorts that bordered on hot pants and she had scissored off the midsection of her tank top. And, considering the slightly dazed look on her face, and the strange, aromatic smell of her breath, she was drunk.

"Hello there, handsome," she said. She was definitely drunk, but her words weren't slurring, just spoken lazily.

"Um, why are you in my room?" Saburo asked uneasily. He immediately tried to back away, but Indira matched him stride for stride until she backed him up against the hallway hall.

"I'm not in your room _now_, silly," she said.

_Someone save me, please!_ "Don't you have your own room?"

"I don't feel like having my own room. It's _so_ lonely in there," she said in a strange half-whine. Then, much to Saburo's dismay _and_ horror, a smile that was both seductive and crazed spread across her face.

"I feel like sharing my room right now."

She placed both of her arms so her hands touched the wall around him, and she edged in closer. Saburo thought about attacking her, kneeing her in the stomach and running, but he quickly saw it would be pointless. In fact, she'd probably find resistance _amusing_.

_Can't someone save me from her? I don't want to be . . ._

"What's the matter? Why are you so scared?" She sighed. "That's the problem with your generation. You always take things so serious, you rarely take time to have any fun at all."

_This isn't fun._

"C'mon, seriously," she said. Her smile became demented. "Why so serious?"

That was it. Saburo aimed his knee at her stomach, but she dodged it with ease and then pushed him into the wall, but then her arms wrapped around him and she drew him in close.

"What a rush that was!" she said. "Oh god damn, Saburo, you're just a match for my fire."

_She's even more drunk than I thought!_ Saburo said. But her reflexes didn't seem to have been dulled at all. And if they _were_ dulled, what kind of reflexes and strength did she have without alcohol?

"C'mon, Saburo. Live a little bit. I need life."

_I can't break free! Damn it, this isn't what I want! Get off of me!_

"Indira, what the _hell_ do you think you're doing?"

Indira just gave the woman who said that something Saburo could only describe as a _look_. "Oh come on, I just got back. Let me have some fun with the virgin."

Saburo turned his head, and saw, much to his surprise, the woman was none other than Ezalia Joule herself. And she looked disgusted, although not altogether surprised, about the scene. It looked like she was experienced with this type of thing, which made Saburo somewhat nervous.

Ezalia sighed. "Indira, if you had one hint of self-control-"

"Let me live, Ezalia! Seriously, I've had enough of structure. Enough of rules. Enough of ethics. I just want to-"

"There is no way I'm letting you finish that sentence, Indira."

Indira gave Ezalia a snotty look. "You're no fun."

Suddenly, Ezalia loaded some kind of needle into a gun. "You're right. I'm not. And right now I need someone who isn't fun, either."

Indira's eyes widened. And then she started screaming, and forgot all about pinning Saburo. "Oh no! No, no, no, nonononono! I am not going back! I am not becoming that _bitch_! Not again! I have had enough of her!"

Ezalia didn't look fazed at all. "Right now, Indira, there's no purpose for you. I need Ilia. I don't need _you_."

Indira suddenly pulled out a gun. "I am not going-"

Ezalia fired her weapon. Indira tried to dodge it, but the needle slammed right into her stomach, and immediately injected its contents.

Indira instantly seemed weakened. She fell to her knees, and her shaking right hand dropped the pistol onto the ground. "No," she said in a pained, betrayed tone. "NO!" she screamed. "I. Am not. Getting beaten. This time."

Saburo finally spoke as he witnessed Indira went to all fours, screaming in pain. "What is this?"

Ezalia's voice was calm and collected, as if this was simply routine. "Indira is the dominant personality of this woman. I'm currently forcing Ilia out."

"Ilia?"

"Correct. Don't worry, Ilia is actually _pleasant_."

"I'm still here, you know!" Indira forced out through intense pain.

"What's happening to her?"

"Indira is resisting the shift, like she always does. Resisting puts her mind in anguish until she either gives in or loses consciousness. It interferes with her brain waves so the brain must switch to the Ilia personality or risk a hemorrhage."

Indira, still resisting, glared at Ezalia and tried one final snarl. "I'll gladly take that . . . uh . . . ah . . ."

Saburo instantly detected a change in Indira's voice. It was getting higher, softer. Indira's frantic twitching and spasming slowed down, and there were more calm breaths.

"Ah . . . ow . . . God . . ."

Ezalia smiled, which was the last thing Saburo expected. "Welcome back, Ilia. I'm sorry about the long wait."

Indira, who was now apparently a woman named Ilia, managed a response. "I really hate it . . . when I take over . . . and I'm dressed like _this_."

Ezalia sounded understanding. "I know. By the way, you have one very confused teenager to your right."

"Huh?" Ilia looked at Saburo.

Saburo instantly saw a change in the woman's eyes. They seemed to have gotten wider. In fact, her whole face had generally gotten softer. The tense, _wild_ moods Indira always gave off were completely gone. The woman, despite still seeming like she had finished a run up and down Mt. Everest, seemed to be the very embodiment of calmness.

"Oh . . . I'm sorry. I'm Ilia. Ilia Mehrvash. Chief biological scientist for the CLF."

She sighed. "I'm sorry about this, Saburo. I couldn't stop her. I do not have any control over her at all."

Saburo backed up against the wall. "How do you know my name?"

She looked at him sadly. "Just because I have no influence over Indira does not mean I do not have awareness. I know full well what she's doing, and it is like watching a nightmare." She shuddered. "It is undoubtedly the same for her."

Ezalia said "Ilia Mehrvash accidentally created her . . . let's just say, "alter-ego", in an accident involving quantum brain waves. Indira took complete control away from Ilia, and it took several months before this "antidote" was created so we could bring her back."

"That's pretty much the story." Ilia rose to her feet. After a brief stumble, she regained her footing, and sighed. "Indira is, essentially, a combination of my inner child with all of the repressed desires and temptations I've had in my life . . . along with an unusual aggression for which I don't have an explanation yet."

She looked at Saburo. "I hope to talk with you soon and apologize formally, Saburo," she said, and then wiped her brow. "Ezalia, do you have a change of clothes? I'm going to need a shower too."

"I'll show you the way in a moment," Ezalia said, but first she approached Saburo and placed two needles in his hand.

"This is in case Indira goes after you again," she said. "One of these is a backup. If you so choose, you can inject Ilia with one of them to turn her into Indira, but, as you undoubtedly know, that's not recommended."

Saburo stared at the needles. Finally, after several seconds, he finally spoke.

"You just expect me to just be okay with this?" he asked.

"Hmm?" Ezalia didn't seem to have heard him, or had pretended not to.

Saburo exploded. "You have any idea how embarrassing, how terrifying all of that was? That woman right there was about to _rape_ me and I'm just supposed to accept that she had an alternate personality that just happens to be a complete maniac?"

"Yes," Ezalia said without hesitation.

Before Saburo could speak again "Ilia" intervened. "Listen," she said softly. "I know what you're saying. If we have time we'll talk soon, all right? I'm willing to . . . well, help you through everything you're experienced. After all, I'm living through the nightmare myself."

"Like I can just trust you?"

Ilia sighed. "I don't expect you to."

Ezalia interrupted the conversation then, with an "This is over" tone in her voice. "I'm sure Ilia can explain more to you later, soldier. But right now, be aware you've been exposed to classified information, and you are _not_ to talk about it. You talk about it Indira _will_ be allowed to have her way with you."

That put the fear of God into Saburo. "I . . . I get it," he said dejectedly.

Before a minute had passed, Ilia was escorted away from Saburo, leaving him in the hallway, confused, fearful, and angry. This was not right in any sense of the word . . . and there was nothing he could do about it.

* * *

_"We'll be able to pick you up within a few hours, Cagalli."_

"Thank you, Admiral Kisaka. It's much appreciated. I'll talk to you more onboard the _Kusanagi_."

_"Understood, Cagalli. Kisaka out."_

Athrun had only caught the tail end of the conversation, but that was all he needed. Cagalli was being worn out. She was tired, and that was understandable. After all, the day had been practically hell on earth, and so much had spiraled out of control it was a miracle the three VIPs were all still alive.

"So, we'll be heading to the _Kusanagi_ soon, Cagalli?" he asked.

"Yeah," she said with a sigh. "Kisaka reacted quickly when he found out we're on the _Abrams_. The _Kusanagi_ is playing catch-up, but it'll catch us within a few hours; Kisaka's pouring on the engines."

Athrun smiled. "With the _Kusanagi_ it'll almost be like old times, an Orb ship, an Earth Alliance ship, and a ZAFT vessel all working together."

Cagalli offered a melancholy grin in turn. "Yeah, except almost everyone involved in that isn't here. They've all been replaced, and I can't exactly deploy in the Strike Rouge either."

Athrun nodded. He understood Cagalli's feelings. Heck, he missed a lot of those people himself. People he idolized like Andrew Waltfield, friends like Kira Yamato and Dearka Elsman, they were all missing. It was as if he was part of an old guard replaced by the new, even though he was the same age or only slightly older than a lot of the new soldiers in this force.

"Also," Cagalli added, "You had your natural hair color back then, too."

Athrun laughed sardonically and sat down on Cagalli's bed. "Yeah, that too. I guess I'll just let it grow out and let my hair color come back. It's not going to be long before it's leaked that I'm alive. And good luck on me setting foot in the PLANTs again, I'm a deserter."

"I'm sure I can have Chairman Durandal pull some strings," Cagalli said. "Problem is, I'd probably have to compromise on something else in exchange for your amnesty or pardon."

Athrun nodded. He stared into space for several seconds, thinking. Then he finally said "No, don't bother. I'm not going to be part of the bodyguard detail for not much longer either, and I don't have any family staying at the PLANTs. I don't need to see them again."

"Don't say that. They're your home, Athrun."

"Cagalli, my home is with you."

Cagalli paused, and then stared at her ring. "Oh yeah, that's right." She smiled, in genuine happiness. "It's beautiful, Athrun. So were the flowers. We definitely need to plant them in the ground when we get back home, I don't want them to be cooped up inside a pot forever."

Athrun smiled. "Yeah. We could even build our own small garden, you know?"

"Nah," Cagalli said. "I'd rather have them planted in a public place, where everyone can enjoy them. I would even tolerate kids picking a blossom up to give to their mothers."

_That's Cagalli all right, the populist._

Cagalli's eyes seemed to look distantly for a second, which caught Athrun's attention. What was she going to say now?

"Athrun, when do you want to start a family?"

"Huh?" Athrun was dumbstruck.

Cagalli sighed. "Never mind, you're clearly not ready for that."

Athrun tried to save himself. "W-Well, I, uh, am not used to such a question . . ."

Cagalli stood up from her seat and paced around. "I was asking. I know Yuna is not going to approve of this, not for a second. We may be newly engaged but I'd like to be married as soon as possible before Yuna decides to be Yuna."

In other words, being _disruptive_.

"He's your cousin. I'd think it would be kind of odd for you and him to marry."

"It's not just that he loves me. He's after status as much as anything else. The Sierans have wanted power for some time and if Yuna married me they'd have a larger piece of it and likely some children to try to mold. Either way, it is lose-lose for me."

"It's not like you to want power," Athrun said.

"I wouldn't want it if Yuna wasn't an idiot," Cagalli pointed out.

"Point taken," Athrun said as he noted that Yuna definitely wasn't the brightest bulb.

Cagalli sighed. "I'm caught between three sides. There's those who want Orb and the EA to grow close, then there's others who'd rather throw our lot in with the ZAFT. Then there's others who'd prefer to be isolationist. The Sierans are definitely pro-Earth Alliance, while you and I . . . especially once it gets leaked that "Alex Dino" is Athrun Zala . . ."

"It'll be seen as a pro-ZAFT gesture," Athrun said. Suddenly, he wondered what Cagalli was trying to imply. She had said outright she wanted a family, but now she seemed to be making the engagement a bad thing. Athrun couldn't make sense of her at all in this moment.

"Even though it's not, it'll be taken that way. The fact of the matter is that you're a ZAFT exile, you have no reason to be pro-ZAFT. And that's the angle that'll have to be played constantly and consistently."

"Scheming, huh?" Athrun said teasingly.

Cagalli gave him a look that was clearly not amused. "I just want both of us to be happy, Athrun. Our family will have enough difficulties because our children will be born Slants."

Athrun nodded and became serious again. As brief as a decade ago, Slants were a non-issue, there had hardly been any of them. But while the population hadn't exactly exploded, the massive reduction in both Naturals and Coordinators, along with a slow, steady increase in the Slant population had made them a lot more important.

Cagalli sighed. "Maybe I'm just playing politics too much. I'm going to be the ruler of the country once I'm twenty-one. I have to do what's best for Orb."

"As long as there's no war it's a non-issue."

"You never know, Athrun."

"That's right, but still. I don't think there's a good chance of there being another war. Not for another decade at least."

Suddenly, Cagalli said something wildly different. "I have to ask you for a favor, Athrun."

"Yes?"

"Could you take the Strike Rouge and take command of the _Kusanagi_'s Astray squadron?"

Athrun stared for a long moment before he could open his mouth. "_What?_"

"We hardly have any seasoned soldiers left, after the Earth Alliance strike on Onogoro and the campaign to stop the Bloody Valentine War. I have a feeling we're going to face the GUNDAMs again soon, and if the Astray pilots have an experienced commander . . ." her voice began to tremble. "More of them would come back alive."

Athrun nodded without hesitation. He fully understood the reasons why. What better than a GUNDAM pilot to stop GUNDAMs, especially as the Strike Rouge was in all practical purposes a GUNDAM itself?

"All right. But you better explain to me how you snuck the Strike Rouge under my nose," Athrun said with a reassuring smile.

Cagalli returned it. "I'll tell you when you come back." Her voice turned hard, and her eyes became steely. "You _better_ come back, got it?"

"I will," Athrun said. "I've come back before. I came back from Jachin Doe, even. If I can survive that, a clash against a bunch of terrorist should be-"

"This isn't child's play, Athrun, and don't get cocky. From what little I've been able to get out of the ZAFT, the GUNDAMs are stronger than the Strike Rouge, even the updated version I have on the _Kusanagi_. You will be the one thing that stands in their way of complete battlefield dominance. And they will come after you because of that."

"And yet, knowing that, you'll still have me go out there?"

Cagalli didn't speak for a long moment. Finally, she said "It's for the best. They need you, Athrun. Otherwise, they'll be cannon fodder. And that'll make the _Kusanagi_ vulnerable, and GUNDAMs have been known to wipe out whole ships before."

Cagalli's hands were shaking. Athrun held them softly. "I'll come back. I won't let them kill the squadron or the _Kusanagi_. Especially not you."

"Just come back, Athrun," she said softly.

Athrun leaned in to embrace her, only to be surprised by a sudden kiss. Athrun relaxed and held her, softly, as she trembled and sniffed, but did not cry. Even in this moment, in one of the hardest decisions of her life, she refused to cry.

But Athrun knew full well if he died out there she would cry. Cagalli was strong but not invincible. She'd shatter into pieces on the spot. And he didn't want that at all.

_I'll come back, Cagalli. I mean every word of that. I'll come back, and then we can set up our future._


	10. Chapter 10

LiuBei1986: I haven't exactly done anything to sell myself yet, that's why nobody's reviewed it. XD I don't think most Gundam fans knows this fic exists. The reason why there's a fast updating pace is because I've written 26 chapters of this story, so I can update as fast or as slow as I want. I do hope you're enjoying it so far, and can't wait to read the full review.

Now, on with the show!

* * *

**Chapter Ten: Uneasy Alliance**

_The unapparent connection is more powerful than the apparent one._  
-Heraclitus, 500 B.C.

"Is everything ready?"

"Yes, Lady Ezalia."

"Begin Phase Two."

* * *

_"I am not attacking your defenses, Chairman Durandal. What I am saying is that this whole matter could have been prevented, or been on a smaller scale, if you never manufactured the GUNDAM machines. There is a reason why no new models under the GUNDAM aegis have been manufactured since the end of the war."_

Talia stared at Naomi Mitsuda on the monitor, and fought the urge to grin. _She is really letting the Chairman have it. If he was just slightly more hawkish he'd want me to turn her into space dust._

"A show of strength is necessary to deter further war and actions," Durandal said, his normally calm demeanor showing annoyance.

_"Fat lot of good that did you." _This was Cagalli Yula Athha. _"Now _terrorists_ hold five GUNDAM machines."_

There was a slight head tick Durandal had when he was starting to get angry, and Talia saw it. With Cagalli joining in on the bash-Durandal bandwagon, it seemed that the Earth was somehow winning Orb's favor, even though Durandal had gone through a lot of hard work. And now, everything Durandal has done to curry Orb's favor was going up in smoke.

"Our defenses were strong. We just weren't prepared for such a _brazen_ attack," Durandal said. "Perhaps we should have been ready for such an event if that occurred. _That_ is my regret, _not_ building the GUNDAMs. They are a necessary peacekeeping tool."

_"You're just threatening to start off an arms race that completely ignores the treaty," _Mitsuda said.

_"Why were they needed in the first place? What purpose do they have for you? GUNDAMs are typically used in offensive manuevers, not _defensive_,"_ added Athha. _"Your actions here aren't making a lot of sense to me, Chairman."_

_He's getting eaten alive,_ Talia thought.

Durandal sighed again. "Listen to me, the vast majority of casualties were to the ZAFT forces. A lot of good soldiers died in that base, and more civilians died in the city. We have paid a heavy price."

_"I'm not denying that. I'm saying_ everything_ could have been prevented had you not begun producing the GUNDAM Mobile Suits. Not to mention that your security was lax enough to allow them to break into the base and steal them away from your grasp. How you failed to anticipate this possibility is beyond my comprehension, considering your nation's forces perfected that art in the middle of the Bloody Valentine War,"_ Mitsuda said.

_And that is the first real low blow of the conversation. The EA Secretary-General isn't holding anything back. If she is not careful she'll turn this alliance into a group of rivals,_ Talia thought.

Remarkably, the precocious Princess of Orb seemed to recognize that. _"Let's not discuss who is at fault further,"_ Athha said. _"What matters right now is tracking these terrorists down so we can stop them from using the GUNDAMs for their ends. It is bad enough they are well-organized and armed for a terrorist organization. With the GUNDAMs, the amount of destruction they can cause will be much, much larger."_

Durandal still stood up straight, but Talia could see his shoulders sag a bit. He had calmed down as he realized the bulk of the heat wasn't on him anymore. Durandal said "That is exactly right. Whatever happened, these GUNDAMs are capable of causing mass destruction on a wide scale. One of them even penetrated the hangar bay and it took the combined effort of a Windam, a Zaku, and an angry tech support officer to chase it out. If a GUNDAM can enter an enemy hangar bay and survive, this will be a difficult fight ahead for us."

_"Orb will fight with the alliance on this,"_ Athha said. _"This is our test to see how much we are committed to stopping terrorism. The _Kusanagi_ has a squadron of Astray Mobile Suits onboard that it can and will commit. How is everyone else?"_

_"We're . . . still trying to get some pilots back to their proper ships,"_ Naomi Mitsuda said, with a twinge of embarrassment in her voice.

"The same goes with us, we still have some Earth Alliance personnel onboard," Durandal said. "However, the _Minerva_ can deploy a full squadron. I've also got in contact with another ship which will be providing reinforcements."

_"As do we. As it is, we will have five ships and five squadrons of Mobile Suits. As long as the terrorists don't have a significant fleet and just that one vessel, even with their GUNDAMs they will be defeated,"_ Naomi Mitsuda said.

Suddenly, Bart Heim began shouting. "Captain, there is a communication for Chairman Durandal from the Supreme Council!"

"What?" Durandal said, visibly surprised.

"Should I temporarily cut communication?" Talia asked. It wasn't unusual for such an action to be taken if there was breaking news.

Durandal shook his head. "It must be urgent. Lieutenant Heim, let me hear your report."

"Yes, Chairman." Unlike many of the other officers, Heim didn't seem bothered or pressured in the slightest towards personally communicating with the ZAFT Supreme Council Chairman. That was one thing Talia liked about Bart Heim. He was professional, through and through.

"Chairman Durandal, the Supreme Council just received a report from a reconnaissance team before communication was cut off! Junius Seven has broken free from its orbit and is heading towards the earth!"

_"What?"_ Athha shouted, rising from her seat.

_"Durandal, I demand an explanation this instant!"_ Mitsuda was even louder, if that was possible, than the Orb representative.

Durandal kept his head level. "Any other details?" he asked Heim.

"Yes! We are going to deploy a Mobile Suit team called Jewel to Junius Seven with a Meteor Breaker. Our sensors already indicate that it is impossible for us to have enough ships and Mobile Suits to push Junius Seven back into orbit in time. Our only option is to destroy it."

Talia froze. Junius Seven was a symbol to the ZAFT. How could they destroy it? But then Talia's more logical side took over, and she knew that it would have to be done. Junius Seven was doomed either way. It would be destroyed by plummeting to the Earth, or in prevention of such a tragedy.

Durandal sighed then. "Secretary-General Mitsuda, Representative Athha, a new wrinkle has been thrown into our plans. We're not that far off from Junius Seven. In fact, I have a feeling that the same terrorist organization that hijacked the GUNDAMs committed this horrid act."

_"How could the CLF get so powerful, so quickly?"_ Mitsuda asked.

Durandal shrugged. "I have honestly no explanation, other than some brilliant ZAFT minds have cast their lot with them. But, even with their grievances, this is a criminal and horrific act. Junius Seven crashing into the Earth will be the equivalent of the meteor that made the dinosaurs extinct."

_"Then that is what we have to do, then,"_ Athha said. _"We have to destroy it. Let's head to Junius Seven. If you're right, Chairman, our quarry is already there, making sure it goes down."_

_"We must help as well,"_ Mitsuda said. _"I will not allow my planet to be hit by that thing."_

_We just have to hold together a while longer . . ._ Talia thought. _Easier said than done.

* * *

_

"Well, Ilia, my old friend, you were able to accomplish the impossible: making Junius Seven fall."

"It's what has to be done, like you said, Lady Ezalia. I am just performing my service to you." Ilia sighed. Her right wrist began trembling and she grabbed it with her left. "Ezalia, I need another dose. Indira is threatening to take over. She is learning how to fight the treatments."

Ezalia sighed. "I am not sure that is such a good idea. We may need Indira and her penchant for destruction soon. I have heard that we have multiple ZAFT and EA vessels, along with Orb support, en route to Junius Seven."

"I understand." She spoke like she did, but her eyes told another story. Ezalia's heart went out to her. Ilia had to put up with a lot, being aware of every instance where her psychotic alter ego killed and pillaged. More than once, before she had joined the CLF, her alter ego had raped a man, usually younger than her. Indira was a wild woman, barely kept in check. With the GUNDAM, she would be an unstoppable berserker, annihilating everything . . . and having fun while doing so.

"How long do you think you have?" Ezalia said.

"A few hours. Three, maybe four," Ilia said.

She grabbed her stomach then. "Ow," she whispered.

"Her body type is already asserting itself," Ezalia said.

"Yes," Ilia said. Her eyes watered, and an expression that screamed _help me_ appeared on her face. "Please, I don't want her to take over just yet. I want to be _me_. Just for a little longer. I still need to apologize to Saburo."

Ezalia nodded. "I understand what you're saying. I'm not sure Saburo will accept it. Had I delayed myself any longer, he would have been victimized, and he knows it."

"I'll fall on my knees to apologize to him if I have to," Ilia said, as her face visibly calmed down. Indira had realized she couldn't take over quite yet, and had settled down to pass the time.

Ezalia sighed. "I wish I could grant it for the boy. I truly do. But it's not just his reaction I'm worried about."

"What is it?" Ilia asked.

"Your alter-ego. Seeing him will undoubtedly energize _her_. Indira could attempt to take over, and if she's desperate enough she could break through what's left of the current treatment and assert herself. And despite what I gave Saburo, I doubt he'd be able to inject you with the treatment before Indira did something about it."

Ilia looked like she was going to cry. "That poor boy." She choked back a sob. "That poor boy, having to deal with _her_."

"Indira is a monster," Ezalia said, "But she is necessary for this operation regardless. Her combat capability far surpasses most other Coordinators. If it weren't for her brazen behavior, she would be a perfect soldier, or as close to perfection as you can get."

"Please," Ilia begged. "Give Indira something that'll mellow her out at least. I don't want to hurt him."

"I will," Ezalia promised. "I have it right here. It'll buy you another couple of hours and it'll create a fusion of you and Indira when she takes over . . . although it's only for a little while."

"Thank you," Ilia injected herself with it. "Damn it, it hurts," she whispered.

"We'll find a cure someday, Ilia," Ezalia said. "We'll fix your head so you can be Ilia and _only_ Ilia. Then this long nightmare will be put behind you."

"I hope so, Lady Ezalia," Ilia said sadly. "I really hope so."

* * *

"You know, when I met you, I thought you were just a little hothead who had nothing better to do than to rage at a specific GUNDAM."

"And haven't I turned out to be more than that?"

"Um, no."

"Come on . . ."

"Oh, I'm just messing with you. Don't you realize that-"

The door opened, and Dearka Elsman just stared at the sight.

"I'm interrupting something, aren't I?"

He was about to turn and walk away extremely awkwardly when Yzak Joule sighed and stopped him. The mood was ruined, there wasn't any point to try to rebuild it when all they would be thinking about is when someone else would interrupt.

"What is it, Dearka?"

"Um, well . . . Shiho, you, and I have to deploy. We're needed in the briefing room in about ten minutes."

Yzak sighed. Figures that an emergency or a surprise drill would have to begin right when things were finally looking up. He was starting to win over a girl and now the life of a military pilot wasn't quite as attractive as it once was.

Shiho, bashful, said "Um, I'm not exactly in regulation clothing . . . could I have some privacy, please?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. Go ahead," Yzak said, and he followed Dearka out the door.

And the moment the door whooshed shut Yzak let loose.

"Okay, what the hell is going on? I finally had everything perfect and she was about to kiss me, dammit!"

"You've been with Shiho this long and she still hasn't kissed you?" Dearka asked in bewilderment.

"Well, not on the mouth or-"

"Too much information."

Yzak scoffed. "Whatever."

Dearka sighed. "You know, she is right, you have been mellowing out."

"You were _eavesdropping_, Dearka?"

"Only for the last ten seconds!" he pleaded, holding up his hands. "I'm sorry, I got kinda envious for a second, I mean, you're starting up a relationship with a pretty girl right when I'm getting over a breakup with a pretty girl. You understand, right?"

Yzak wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face and watch as he floated through zero gravity into the wall, but he knew better. So he clenched his fist, took a deep breath, and exhaled. "I guess," he finally said.

"I won't do it again. I'm sorry."

Yzak wanted to drop the conversation, so he asked "What's going on?"

"There's an emergency. I heard that Junius Seven is falling from orbit and is going to crash into the Earth?"

Yzak was dumbstruck. "What? How? The way PLANTs are set up is so they _never_ fall out of orbit, even when they're just debris!"

"Well, that's what I've been hearing. Either it rammed into something, or . . ."

_Something ran into it._

And Yzak had a strong feeling who was responsible for that.

_Mother . . ._

She had been bailed out of prison two years ago by ZAFT hard-liner rebels, and under her direction a rag-tag group of hard-liners became the organized, potent Coordinator Liberation Front. It seemed while in prison that his mother had become immersed in the same creed that Patrick Zala and the others followed, which were that Coordinators were inherently superior beings and Naturals deserved to be second-class citizens, if not slaves or dead.

"We should prepare for an ambush, Dearka. Remind the captain of that."

"Ambush?"

"I have a feeling my mother's behind this. Since she was thrown into prison . . . she hasn't been the same person. She followed Zala but knew when to back off on some things . . . now, it's like she wants to go farther than Zala ever did."

Dearka looked down. Back in the day, they had both felt the same thing, and their past bigotry was not something they were proud of.

"You sure you want to lead us into battle if your mother's there? Shiho and I are qualified to take command if you-"

"No, Dearka. This had to happen someday. If she's in there, I'll have to convince her to stop."

"And what if she doesn't want to stop? What if she doesn't listen to you?"

Yzak paused for a long moment. He knew the answer he had to give, but he didn't like it, not one bit.

"I'll do what I have to. In the end, it'll be a battle. And she's an enemy soldier."

"Yzak . . ." Dearka sighed. "I'll do it if you can't reason with her. I'm not going to let you kill your own mother."

"Dearka . . ."

"It's just not right for the son to have to kill his mother, all right? I'll do it. If you can't convince her to stop, and killing her is the only other way to stop Junius Seven from falling, and that's assuming she's there-"

"She is. I have no doubt about that."

"Then that's what happens. I don't think we want to see the Earth get destroyed or wrecked by that thing."

Yzak nodded. Junius Seven was a ZAFT memorial, but it would have to be destroyed. Yzak hoped that his intuition was wrong, that his mother wasn't actually there. If she was . . .

"I don't want that to happen either."

* * *

The angel wore a wide grin as he stared at the latest reports his ever-reliable agent was giving him.

"Oh, this is just too delicious," he said aloud as he paced throughout the commons area of his mansion. "Junius Seven hurtling towards Earth? Fascinating, just fascinating. My wildest dreams seem to be inching closer to fruition."

He sighed then. "Unfortunately, the most destructive scenario cannot happen. Because that would mean a quick apocalypse for all on Earth and a slow dieoff in space for the Coordinators. As interesting as it would be to watch the end of the world, the end has to be stopped, at least partially."

He grinned. "And if they are only able to partially stop it, well . . . the ZAFT will take the blame for everything. After all, they were the ones who let their precious GUNDAMs get stolen out from under their noses . . . exactly as planned."

The Middle Eastern terrorists were only a distraction, something to further confuse and scatter the defending ZAFT forces at Hawking. This was what he had intended all along, the Coordinators to bring their own destruction onto themselves by using GUNDAM machines pilfered from other Coordinators. There was a lot of irony in that, and one of the many things the angel loved was events playing out in an ironic fashion.

It was almost like having a front-row seat to a Shakespearean drama.

And, just like Shakespeare at his finest, people were going to die. Families were going to shatter. Peace would forever be broken. People would become disillusioned and distrustful.

"'Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold. Anarchy will be loosed upon the world'," the angel said, quoting W.B. Yeats' famous poem about the apocalypse.

And, just like any apocalypse, a savior would rise from the wreckage and the rubble.

The angel planned on having his people, as well as the angel himself, of course, being that savior for the Naturals.

The Coordinators and Slants? They could all just die like the science experiments they were.

Death gave birth to hatred, after all. And after what the CLF were going to do, there would be hate. So much hate. And then hate gave birth to blood, and blood gave birth to death. It was a vicious, never-ending, yet poetic cycle.

The angel's job was to make sure that cycle kept turning.

For generations, his predecessors had made sure the cycle continued on and on endlessly with no remorse for the people. The angel had no intention of letting that tradition end with him. His organization, while saving the people, would also make sure there would still be wars to fight. People needed to hate. They needed to see blood. They needed to kill.

In this, the angel controlled the most primal of human desires.

And, in the end, that wasn't a bad thing to control after all.

_Because this way, I can have the most fun.

* * *

_

"Do you think he can be trusted?"

"No. I think he's lost his mind, personally."

"Insane or no, he _has_ gotten us reformed and back together."

"But at what price? What if his scenarios don't happen, or, I should say, what if the _wrong_ scenarios happen?"

"Then we all die."

"And you're just going to accept that?"

"No like we have much choice. He _is_ in control after all."

"This is why I thought giving him control was a bad idea."

"Listen, let's just see if the positive scenarios begin happening before we do anything rash. If his good scenarios come to fruition, it was the right decision. If his bad scenarios happen, well . . ."

"We kill him."

"No, we can't afford to spill blood personally. But yes, you have the gist of it."

"Good. I'm glad we've managed to stay on the same page. We observe for a while longer?"

"Yes."

"Fine. But the moment things start falling apart . . ."

"We all know what has to be done. Now, let's adjourn until the current matter is settled."

"Right."


	11. Chapter 11

moonlove: Glad you're enjoying things so far. I hope to keep the updates coming until we catch up to MAHQ.

**

* * *

Chapter Eleven: "Promise me" **

_May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds. _  
-Edward Abbey

_He limped into the alley, clutching his side. He had failed. Failed miserably, in fact. All he wanted was some bread, but he had no money to pay for it. So, he had attempted to steal. And, not only had he failed in getting money, he had failed even in a criminal act, and had barely escaped._

_He put his free arm against the brick wall. His hands, rough from his already-harsh life, scraped against the brick. His nerve endings cried out, his hands were frequently raw and it didn't take a lot to make them bleed._

_"Ow," he murmured. The shopkeeper had beaten him up with a baseball bat. Adults had no problem abusing kids if it wasn't their own, the boy had learned. The pain in his left side, where the shopkeeper had attacked him the most, was intensifying. Already, he was nearing collapse._

_He leaned back against the wall and slid down it until he was sitting on the ground. He stared at the sky, where twilight was already filling the sky. It wouldn't be long before the sky was nothing but complete darkness._

_"Damn it . . . how did that go wrong?" Tears filled the boy's eyes. "Why? Why he'd have to do that? All I wanted was a loaf of bread . . ."_

_He sobbed into his knees. He didn't want to go hungry tonight. He didn't want _her_ to go hungry either, more than even him. He was already fourteen, he could live without a meal. But to make a ten-year-old suffer because of his failure . . . that was horrendous. It was as if he was injuring her himself._

_"I'm sorry . . ." he whispered. "I'm so sorry."_

_"Big brother?"_

_The last thing he wanted to hear right now was that voice. He didn't want to tell her he had messed up. That she would be hungry._

_"Mayu, I . . ."_

_"It's okay, big brother."_

_"What?" He looked up at her. She had a kind, understanding face of a girl who had been forced to grow up early and yet held onto some strains of innocence. She seemed to be on the verge of tears herself, but she was repressing them._

_"I'm just glad they didn't kill you."_

_"It's just shoplifting, Mayu. They wouldn't kill me for-"_

_"They hurt you."_

_"Y-Yeah. I guess they did."_

_"Shinn . . ."_

_"Mayu, I . . ."_

_"Shinn, the fact you even tried means so much to me. You always try. Most of the time, you succeed. Everyone messes up once in a while, Shinn."_

_"Mayu, I should've been able to . . ." Now he couldn't even look her in the eye, he felt ashamed of himself. He should have seen that crack in the sidewalk. He was already getting away. If he hadn't tripped and fallen, she would be eating bread right now, and wouldn't be hungry throughout the night._

_"It's okay, Shinn." She embraced him. "It's okay. I'm just glad you're still here. I'll take being hungry for the rest of my life if it means you're here."_

It's not that simple, Mayu,_ Shinn wanted to say, but he couldn't quite say those words. _It's never that simple.

_"Remember what you told me, Shinn?" she asked softly._

_"About what?"_

_She gave him a small amount of distance, and her hands cuddled her teddy bear as she spoke. "You said that everyone has an angel protecting them, don't they?"_

_That nearly shattered Shinn's heart, but he couldn't tell her that he had basically made that all up on the spot. If he did, her spirit would be crushed. The trust they had would be far weaker, if not completely gone. It was something Mayu fervently believed in._

_"It'll be better soon, Shinn. I believe that it will. And it will happen. We're protected, we're alive, and we can make everything better. We just have to stay strong, okay?"_

_Shinn couldn't come up with any words to say._

_"Please stay strong, Shinn. I love you."_

_And she bent down again and softly kissed him on the forehead.

* * *

_

Shinn stared at the dirty, dusty bear that had been hidden inside his closest. He picked it up and held it. Mayu had always carried that bear around, wherever she went. Whenever she was sad, she'd grip the bear tightly. When she was joyful, she'd run around with the bear in one hand.

By anyone's standards the bear was a standard bear. Brown, fluffy without being overly so, a formerly neat-red ribbon. The bear, however, had been scarred. Smoke accents permeated the bear, making it a darker, murkier shade. No matter how much Shinn wanted to wash the bear, he knew he couldn't. This was one of the last remnants of Mayu. Washing it and restoring it wouldn't bring Mayu back, not to mention it seemed to threaten erasure of her whenever he considered it.

The bear's existence now seemed to be focused on one thing: that Shinn, for all of his promises and efforts, had failed the most important person in his life. He could not make that mistake again. Not when there was something else rapidly becoming important to him.

He sighed. Three years ago, she had died. Two years ago, he joined the ZAFT. Soon thereafter, he had discovered a code to a private fortune hidden inside the bear. His mother had always meant to provide to him, and had never expected her two children to live as street rats. She never expected that, never intended that, never wanted that. But when she died, that was what had happened.

She was a Coordinator. A wealthy one. Betrayed by her natural husband and shot because of pursuit of her fortune the moment he became the heir to it. She had hidden enough money for Shinn and Mayu to live on quietly somewhere, but neither of them had thought to open the bear, and Shinn had only done so by accident after he became part of the ZAFT.

She had died because she was a Coordinator. She had died because she was rich. She had died because the husband she thought had loved her was actually bigoted and hateful. Her two children had spent many years of their lives on the streets, abandoned and occasionally hunted. What fortune she had managed to put away for Mayu and Shinn before she died was what Shinn was living on, in addition to his income as a ZAFT soldier.

_If you were still alive, Mayu, you'd be almost fifteen. I probably wouldn't be a soldier right now. Heck, we'd probably still be in Orb._

A sad smile crept across his face. _Things did get better, didn't they? We had money, money the whole time and we never knew. If you were still alive we could've found it faster. Your suffering would have stopped._

He sighed. _It doesn't matter. You're dead and I'm still here. I just wish-_

"Aw, liddle Shinn still plays with his teddy bears," a familiar voice said in a mock-babytalk tone.

_Oh, no._

"So," Lunamaria Hawke said with a most amused expression on her face, "Care to explain this to me?"

"It's my sister's," he said softly.

"I didn't hear that . . ." Lunamaria said teasingly, cupping her hand next to her ear in a exaggerated manner.

"It belonged to my sister!" Shinn borderline-shouted.

Meyrin's soft, girlish voice came from behind Lunamaria. "Luna, please, don't tease him," she said.

"So, you stole her bear away from her? What kind of brother are you, Shinn Asuka? A big baby type?"

"SHUT UP!"

Shinn rushed and tackled Lunamaria and sent her crashing into the wall. "Don't you _dare_ say that. Don't you dare mock me over my sister!"

Meyrin stared at the sight, horrified. "Shinn, stop!" she yelled.

"Let go of me!" Lunamaria cried out as she tried to fight back. But Shinn continued to pin her to the wall.

"My sister is _dead_, Lunamaria. That's all I have left of her. I have no photographs, no possessions, no _nothing_ besides that bear. You will not make fun of me because of that bear."

"God damn it, Shinn, I get it! Now let me go, you're gonna break my arm!"

"You won't get it." Shinn felt tears welling up in his eyes, but he ignored that. He wanted to teach Lunamaria a lesson, but at the same time, the more calculating part of his mind was asking him _Why? Why are you doing this?_

"You'll never get it unless Meyrin died," he said bitterly and finally let her go.

Lunamaria stared at him angrily. "What the hell is your problem?"

"You are," Shinn said.

Lunamaria's eyes glowered angrily. "I love my sister. Don't you _dare_ insinuate that she'll die, _Slant_."

Lunamaria made a loud exhaling sound. "You're going to get reported for this. I will not be bullied around by someone like you. Meyrin, let's go."

"But Luna, I-"

"_Let's go_."

Meyrin gave one last look at Shinn, one that suggested at least a moderate amount of sympathy and pity, before she turned and followed her sister. Shinn took one final look at the drawer, picked the bear off of the ground, and shoved it back in and closed it.

_Damn it. I'm going to get in so much trouble for this. Why'd I have to do something that stupid? Why?_

He shut the closet door. _That isn't what Mayu would have wanted. Not at all._

"So, am I allowed in or would that be a bad idea?"

It was a _different_ familiar voice.

"Stellar," he said softly, looking at her. He felt even more ashamed than before. She had probably witnessed everything . . .

"Well, "Luna" looks furious," Stellar said, almost offhand.

"Yeah," Shinn said, not willing to look at Stellar.

There was a pause during which neither one spoke. Finally, Stellar said "I'm sorry about your sister, Shinn."

"Yeah, yeah, I don't need your pity," Shinn said bitterly.

Stellar walked into his room until she stood right beside him. "You loved her deeply. How much did she care about you?"

"I was the world to her, literally," Shinn said.

Stellar's hand patted his shoulder. "She must've been a good person, Shinn."

"You have no idea."

"You're right, I don't."

"Huh?"

"Give me an idea."

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

Stellar looked down. "Can you tell me how she died, please? You've probably had this bottled up inside for so long . . . could you tell me? Just so someone else knows?"

"I don't feel like telling anyone about it."

Stellar sighed. "I understand. I've never had a family, I don't know how it feels to lose someone."

"What?" Finally, Shinn looked at her.

"You have no parents anymore either, do you?" Stellar asked pointedly.

"Uh . . ." Realizing he had been caught in a trap where there was no way out, Shinn looked away immediately, trying to come up with any defense, to find out he had none.

"They're both gone," Shinn said softly.

"I'm sorry."

"My father killed my mother. I was a little kid."

Stellar stared. "My God," she finally said.

"My mother was wealthy, a heiress to a massive PLANT corporation. The moment my father got access to her money he killed her . . . and revealed he was a member of Blue Cosmos too. He came after me and Mayu, but I ran . . . I didn't know what else to do."

Stellar said nothing.

"I . . . I did everything I could for Mayu for years. I shoplifted a lot. Stole cans, bread, clothing, bags of chips, fruit, whatever I could get. I tried getting a job but no one would hire a little boy, so I was homeless and hopeless. But she was always supportive. Always. Whenever I couldn't keep going, this little girl, this tiny, long-haired girl would seem to turn into a woman for a few brief moments, like we had traded places as the oldest and youngest siblings. She kept me going, kept me from giving up. Liked saying that we had angels watching over us, to make sure we were okay." Shinn chuckled bitterly. "She took a stupid story I told her and she believed it. But I had to tell her that. I needed to give her a reason to have hope. And she was full of it, because of the story."

"She must've been special," Stellar said.

"She _was_ special. She didn't need to die."

"Did your father kill her?"

"No. He died in the middle of the Onogoro invasion. Random Mobile Suit blast into his building, I heard. One second, he was trying to pack his things up to flee to the Earth Alliance, the next moment he and his house were practically vaporized."

"Ouch."

"Yeah. Mayu didn't last much longer, unfortunately."

"What happened to her?"

"We were running, running so fast to escape the war. They had boats for refugees, we decided to try to make it. We were wandering across the road when a nearby "technical" truck on top of a hill took a blow from a EA Mobile Suit. It came tumbling down the hill."

"Oh no."

"Mayu was up ahead, I had pushed her, but I had slipped, turned my ankle. I was on the ground right in front of the crashing truck."

"Oh _no_."

"And then I saw this little figure running towards me, holding her teddy bear."

"Oh no."

"She shoved me out of the way, but took a direct hit from the truck, and got pinned to a tree. I got up to see the truck on fire, and little Mayu pinned to the tree, bleeding, in intense pain, still alive."

"Shinn . . ."

"I ran as fast as I could. I slipped and fell, my ankle wasn't supporting me at all, but I ran over to her. She was in tears from the pain, but she was smiling."

"Why?"

"'I'm just glad you're okay'."

"Huh?"

"That's what she said."

"Oh."

"She said after that, in this soft whisper, 'It's all right, Shinn. It's all right'. I said 'No, it's not! It's not all right! Mayu, just hang on! I'll get it off of you! I'll get it off!' She just smiled again, and reached her free hand, her left one, out to me, and I grabbed it, not knowing what else to do. She just said to me, 'It's okay, Shinn. I'll protect you from now on. I'll be your angel'."

By this point, Shinn was in tears, and Stellar had wrapped her left arm around his back. "'I'll be your angel', she said again, and then she died. She was in so much pain she was _crying_ and she thought of me before herself. Mayu . . . she . . . she, she, she-"

"It's all right, Shinn. You don't need to say anything more."

"'I'll be your angel', she said. 'I'll be your angel. I'll be your angel'."

"Shinn, don't do this to yourself. Just stop for a second."

"If I had made her hate me, she'd be alive. Mayu would be-"

"Shinn, stop!"

_Smack_.

"Ow . . ." Shinn moaned.

"Don't you dare talk like that. Don't you dare think you should've pushed her away. I never had a real family, but that doesn't stop me from telling you that you're being a stupid idiot right now!"

"Stellar?"

Stellar took a deep breath, and tried to calm down. Finally, she said "Don't you dare think that you should push people away. You'll just die, lonely and isolated, that way. Mayu gave up her life for yours, don't you dare even think about dying."

She sighed. "What would she think right now of being a Mobile Suit pilot?"

"Probably hate me."

"No, she would not! If she hated you she would never have saved you, Shinn. But, if she's out there somewhere, you know what you're doing to her by going into combat? By fighting?"

"What?"

"You're probably making her cry, Shinn. I don't know what your motivation for fighting for the ZAFT is, whether it's your father, or the EA Mobile Suit that killed your sister, or whatever, but this doesn't sound like something your sister would want you to do."

"Stellar . . ."

She stared at him pointedly. "Do you want to die, Shinn?"

"I _wanted_ to." Shinn's voice turned bitter, as he remembered the rage he soon developed at the Earth Alliance. "I wanted to die and take as many EA pilots with me as I could."

Stellar looked sad. "Do you still feel that way?"

"No. It was a random act of war, a Mobile Suit wiping out a rocket launcher crew to protect itself. It wasn't an attempt to kill me or my sister . . . the only person to blame is myself."

Stellar nodded. "I understand, Shinn. I'm sorry. I never knew how much you carry with you."

"You said you never had a family."

"I was abandoned at a church step when I was maybe a week old by the nuns' guesses," Stellar said softly. She chuckled sardonically. "My parents didn't even find me worth keeping and I was only a baby."

"You believe in God and angels?"

"Of course I do. You gotta believe in _something_, I think. Why do you think I spoke of your sister like she is watching you?"

Shinn froze. _That's right. She spoke of Mayu like she really is watching over me._

He stared at his hands. _I survived so much of that battle . . . including getting slammed into a hangar bay and another Mobile Suit. Is it possible that Mayu is protecting me, somehow, or am I just being crazy?_

He looked at Stellar, and then back to the ground. _This conversation's told me one thing, though. I no longer have a reason to be with the ZAFT. I could . . . I could . . ._

Shinn sighed softly. "Stellar, what do you think of me defecting?"

Stellar looked confused. "Shinn?"

"This settles it. I have nothing holding me here. This discussion I just had with you told me that there's nothing here for me anymore and everything is at the Earth Alliance."

"Even though the EA shooting at that truck . . ."

"It's just a random act of war, like I said. Mayu would want me to move on, not to just continue raging at the world. Right now, you're representing the future, and the ZAFT is the past. I think I need to move forward."

"Shinn . . ." Stellar sighed. "Please think it through before you do something so rash. In the meantime, I have to leave. My Windam's been repaired and I'm needed back on the _Abrams_. I was basically coming here to say goodbye to you, Shinn. I'm late now."

Shinn nodded. "Thanks. For your time. I needed that."

"I know. Trust me, it's worth being late for this."

She hugged him, and he returned the embrace. "Shinn, I . . . I want to continue this. Promise me."

"I promise. After this is finished . . . we'll be together soon enough, Stellar."

She smiled. "Thank you, Shinn."

* * *

Rey za Burrel wished he could have forgotten that conversation. It wasn't like him to eavesdrop, but when he heard Asuka sobbing and this Stellar woman comforting him, he didn't want to bother Asuka yet and present him with a warning with future punishment yet to be determined for roughing Hawke up. Asuka needed to be punished, but Rey was already down by one wingman in the upcoming fight and he needed both Hawke and Asuka.

But this . . . Asuka thinking about defection. This was treachery. Conspiracy. He could literally throw Asuka in prison for life for this . . . and the Stellar woman would be far worse off.

But he knew he couldn't do it. He still needed Asuka. And he intended to keep Asuka around. Asuka was full of raw talent as a pilot, with more developing he could become a true ace. To lose him to the Earth Alliance because of his relationship with the Stellar woman . . .

He would never live it down.

_Calm down, Rey. Calm down. You don't need to overreact yet. Think of it this way: you have one major bargaining chip to keep Asuka around. A threat to hang over him._

_Asuka, one of the best pilots the ZAFT has left and a qualified candidate to handle one of those GUNDAMs the terrorists have now, defecting? Forget it. He's staying right here or he's going to rot in a cell for the rest of his life . . . but he doesn't need to know that yet._

_But he'll know soon enough._


	12. Chapter 12

There's a subtle Star Wars Expanded Universe reference in this chapter. Guess what it is?

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Embarkment**

_On the occasion of every accident that befalls you, remember to turn into yourself and inquire what power you have for turning it into use._

-Epictetus

_This is the Astray squadron_, Athrun thought at he stared at the fourteen pilots he would be commanding during the emergency detonation of Junius Seven. Word was spreading all over that an ambush was expected, and half the pilots seemed to be eagerly awaiting battle, while the other half seemed to fear it.

What compounded everything and made it worse was the age of the pilots.

_They're just kids,_ Athrun thought, as he tried to keep the trepidation from his face. _They're all in their teens. I'm twenty and I must be some kind of old man to them._

The leader of this group, a tall brunette with dark blue eyes, saluted Athrun. "Commander Dino," she barked. "I am Lieutenant-Commander Karen Walsh. This is the 3rd Astray Squadron, or the 'Bloodmoons'."

Dino nodded to the officer. She was the only one who didn't seem to be a teenager, in fact, she might actually be older than him. Then something occurred to him.

"Your name is familiar, Lieutenant-Commander. Can you enlighten me?"

"My brother fought during the final attack on Genesis, he escorted none other than Princess Cagalli to destroy it," she said. Her eyes momentarily turned sad before they turned back into the customary steel of a military officer. "He died during the assault, reportedly during the storming of Genesis itself."

_That's where I've heard the name,_ Athrun thought. He knew that three Astrays had accompanied him and Cagalli during the assault, but only two actually left Genesis.

"I'm sorry," he managed.

"He did his duty," Karen Walsh said, showing no signs of being affected by the death.

Athrun sighed. He had to make a stronger impression on the squadron. "All right, listen up. I am Alex Dino. I fought during the last war, much of it at Princess Cagalli's side. What we will _probably_ be up against is a remnant of the hard-line regime that controlled the ZAFT three years ago."

"What does this have to do with anything?" said one of the teenagers, this one a boy whose voice was obviously breaking.

"I'm getting to that," Athrun said, keeping all signs of annoyance out of his face, instead channeling it through his voice. "If you'll let me talk, and stop your insubordination, you'll actually learn something."

Silence.

"Good," Athrun said, and he cleared his throat before continuing. "Junius Seven's fall is currently thought to be sabotage because of the unnatural way it fell from its orbit. The only terrorist organization with the resources to do such a thing is the Coordinator Liberation Front . . . which coincedentally or no, was behind the recent theft of five GUNDAM machines built by the ZAFT. Their capabilities are beyond the current chassis of any mass-model in production."

He sighed. "In other words, we'll be outmatched in all but numbers. And that's how we're going to beat the GUNDAMs. The CLF only have one major ship that can battle our fleet directly, plus corvettes and various Mobile Suits, some of which are little more than glorified scrap. We can easily fight and defeat those. It's the GUNDAMs that will make the fight a lot more dangerous."

He paced in front of the group, getting a good view of their faces. He had managed to get their attention, that was a good sign at least. However, their youth continued to worry him. How would they react under combat? How would they manage to keep control when their friends and wingmates were struggling and dying around them?

He realized that's probably what his superiors thought of _him_ too, when _he_ was their age.

He had managed to hold together, somehow. He had survived the Bloody Valentine with most of his friends, but without his family. But the hope of a new family with Cagalli made him continue on. Problem was, if there indeed was going to be a fight . . .

He shook off the thoughts. He needed to focus. His mission now was to get the "Bloodmoons" through the battle. That was what Cagalli has assigned him to do as an Orb soldier. This was his duty. He _had_ to do it.

He resumed speaking. "The best way to defeat a GUNDAM is to surround it and blast it from all sides until it's down. Phase Shift Armor, among other things, will make this difficult. We'll need to work with both ZAFT and Earth Alliance Mobile Suits to defeat the GUNDAMs."

"Aren't you making assumptions, sir?" a girl asked.

Athrun stared at the girl, and she seemed to cower. Athrun calmed down. She was a rookie, just like he had been. He didn't need to chew someone out just because she was naive, it would be better to explain.

"When there's any chance of terrorists being in the area, it is better to assume they're there than not, Ensign," Athrun said. "You assume you're safe too much, well, look what happened to Junius Seven in the first place."

Silence again.

Athrun took a deep breath and exhaled. "All right, I want everyone to stick together. We're going to come out of this fight, got it? GUNDAMs or no GUNDAMs. In any case, they'll probably target _me_ because I'm flying a GUNDAM myself . . . the Strike Rouge."

He let that sink in.

"But don't assume you're safe. Never assume you're safe on the battlefield. You do, you'll be receiving a memorial service somewhere. I don't want that happening to any of you, understand? We're going to be escorting Team Jewel to the station, and we'll blow it up before it hits the Earth."

He saluted them. "Stay smart, stay sharp, and we'll win this. Listen to me and your wing commanders. This fight is winnable if we're careful and if we use our numbers and coordination to our advantage. Everyone understand that?"

A chorus of nods.

"Good. Meet back here in 0030 hours. This is going to be the most important thing most of us have ever done. The Earth rides on everyone's success. You're all dismissed."

* * *

She couldn't keep her hands from shaking when she saw Athrun down there in the hanger bay. Her eyes blurred for a moment, and she tried to swallow the lump in her throat.

_Please, Athrun, don't die. I hope I didn't just kill you._

She forced herself to breathe, to stay strong. She was going to be the leader of her nation in under a year. She had to keep her emotions in check. And even though she still couldn't completely do that, she had made progress. But Athrun . . .

It was like she hadn't matured since Heliopolis, really.

_I'm the princess! I'm going to be the leader. I have hard decisions to make. I have projects that need to be done. I have citizens who need to go home. I can't just collapse and cry . . . but he's the man I love. How can I just sit here and be stoic when he could die?_

"Are you all right, Princess?" asked Admiral Ledonir Kisaka. He had been transferred from the army to the fleet successfully enough, and even now their adventures in North Africa together were going on three years' old, he was still one of Cagalli's closest companions.

"I . . . made a really hard decision," she managed. She couldn't keep her voice from breaking, despite her best efforts.

"Do you think it's the right one?" Judging by his tone of voice, Kisaka knew full well what was going on. He was one of the few who had been privy to the creation of the "Alex Dino" identity, it made sense that he knew Athrun was about to go into combat.

"I have no idea," Cagalli said softly. "Those pilots are nearly all teenagers. They need someone like Athrun to lead them . . . but at the same time, Athrun is going to be a target, a big one, for those GUNDAM machines are out there, and we _know_ they are. I'm just hoping I haven't signed his death warrant."

"Athrun isn't far removed from being a teenager himself," Kisaka pointed out.

"Neither am I," Cagalli said. "But somehow we have to make decisions like people twice or three times our ages usually do."

"It's what happens with there's a catastrophic war," Kisaka said sympathetically.

Cagalli gripped the railing so hard she was surprised she wasn't bending it. At this moment, she wished _she_ was the one down there, leading those people into battle, and _Athrun_ was the one up here worrying about her. Just so she didn't have to deal with the pain of losing him . . .

"Cagalli, are you all right?" Kisaka asked then.

"I will be once Athrun's out of danger." Cagalli forced a steely, commanding tone into her voice then. "Tell everyone to get into battle positions and prepare for enemy attack. We have to be getting close to Junius Seven by now."

"We're minutes away as a matter of fact," Kisaka said.

"Then get everyone ready in case of an ambush. I'll follow you in a couple of minutes," Cagalli said, and she resumed staring down at the hangar bay below, watching Athrun chat with a female lieutenant-commander. She regarded the lieutenant-commander with slight suspicion, until she realized how ridiculous she was being. Athrun was never that kind of person. He just _couldn't_ be.

She turned to see that Kisaka had vanished, off to accomplish his task. Cagalli sighed and looked down towards Athrun one final time, before turning her back to the hangar bay. She couldn't let her emotions rule her, not now. Her goal, her mission, was to observe the destruction of Junius Seven, where the seeds of the Bloody Valentine War had begun.

The war that had killed her father, had turned her twin brother Kira into such a mess, murdered so many Orb citizens and shattered others . . .

She couldn't let such a thing happen again. Not now, and definitely not in the future either. She was being counted on to be the leader of Orb. She needed to ensure its peace and survival, but only being able to watch the destruction of Junius Seven was going to be difficult. After all, the peace treaty that ended the Bloody Valentine War took place at Junius Seven.

_Fate is a cruel mistress,_ Cagalli had heard from somewhere before. It seemed to fit. Every troubling thing about the world revolved around Junius Seven. And, even when it was destroyed, Cagalli wouldn't be surprised if the ramifications hung around a while longer . . .

* * *

"So, Stellar, what's it like inside a ZAFT vessel?" asked Sting Oakley.

"Um," Stellar said, as she realized she was blushing a bit, "The same as the Earth Alliance vessels, pretty much. The hair colors are also a little more crazy."

"Auel thought his hair color was crazy . . . " Auel mock-moaned.

"You just dye your hair blue. You _intentionally_ make your hair crazy. Like you make your personality crazy. _These_ people . . . they were _born_ with it."

Sting looked just a little annoyed with the way the conversation was going. "Look, are we going to spend all day talking about the weird hair colors that ZAFT people have or are you going to say something actually important? We're going to be deploying any minute now."

Stellar bit her lip. _I know I should be saying something, because if the ZAFT do turn on us someday, anything I know will help. But I don't want to say anything. Not while Shinn is still there._

"I don't know. I didn't really try to memorize everything."

Sting looked skeptical. "Oh, but you took the time to memorize _hair colors_."

"When you've got pink-haired people surrounding you it's hard to forget," Stellar replied pointedly.

Sting looked dumbfounded for a second before he finally spoke. "Point taken."

_I know Shinn said he'll come back with me, that he'll leave the ZAFT. But he hasn't defected yet. He's still there, he's still on one of their ships. I can't do anything to compromise him until he comes here. Before . . . before we're finally together._

Auel laughed. "Why so serious, Sting? Auel finds it hard to keep a straight face when he sees the green-haired ones, personally."

Sting didn't look amused. "You're both forgetting we're half-Coordinators ourselves."

_That_ brought a silence to the cabin. Only the sound of the ventilation could be heard.

Sting spoke then, calmly but firmly. "Coordinators are humans too, and so are we. I don't see how either of you go off making jokes about Coordinators when, to Naturals, we're just like them."

"But to Coordinators we're only Naturals," Stellar said.

Sting sighed. "Look, just watch it, all right? I'm going to get ready. I've never been this ready to blast something my whole life."

Sting just walked out of the cabin then, a determined expression on his face, and silently closed the door behind him.

Auel whistled softly. "Never seen Sting so serious before. He usually rolls along with the jokes and stuff."

Stellar looked down. "He _is_ right, though. We're treating the Coordinators like jokes, especially when we could be fighting against them very soon."

Auel laughed again. "You don't worry about a thing. Sting and Auel will both protect you."

"Right, _sure_ you will. I don't remember either of you being around in the _last_ battle," Stellar said, half-amused.

"Ouch."

Suddenly, the intercom blared. "All pilots report to hangar bay. All pilots report to hangar bay."

"Well, that's our cue, Auel. Let's get going."

"I can't wait."

* * *

_I can wait forever for another fight,_ Shinn thought as he stared into space. Usually during the briefing sessions he paid closer attention but right now, his mind was a haze, a haze so think he couldn't make out right from left, or backwards from forwards. All he knew was that his promise to Stellar had clouded him somehow, and now he felt isolated from everyone here.

_I just promised Stellar I'd betray all of these guys. Madd Aves, Vino, Yolant, Lunamaria, Rey . . . I just promised I'd leave them all behind._

"Ensign Asuka, are you paying attention?" Rey za Burrel asked sternly.

"Uh, yes sir," Shinn mumbled. "I'm just tired. From yesterday, sir."

"Shake off the fatigue, Asuka. If you don't you could be dead soon," Rey said coolly and then he resumed his presentation, and again Shinn drifted off into his own thoughts.

_Rey looked at me funny there. I wonder if he knows what I'm going to do._

The thought of it nearly made him shiver in fear. _He better not. If he knows I'm so dead. I'm going to be locked in a cell somewhere and no one would ever see me again except the cell guard and my executioner._

"Asuka, are you really paying attention?"

Rey again.

"Yes, sir. I'm just a little nervous, that's all. I had a rough go of it in the last battle."

_Good lie, Shinn. With a little more practice you'll be a helluva good one._

"This is also no time for cowardice, Asuka. I know you had a . . . _interesting_ time in the last battle, but you _survived_. _That's_ what matters most of all."

"Yes, sir."

Shinn's response seemed to have satisfied Rey, who continued his briefing. Out of the corner of his left eye he noticed Lunamaria glowering at him. He made sure to avert his gaze. He doubted that Lunamaria would help him at _all_ if there was a fight. She was probably furious over the fact that Shinn wasn't receiving any punishment, at least, not _yet_.

_What am I going to do? Even if I survive the battle, if there is one, I've surely been reported for what I did to Lunamaria. What'll happen to me next?_

Perhaps it would be for the best if he defected as soon as possible. He could escape punishment that way and be able to escape before Rey could investigate whatever suspicions he had. There was no way he was going to be separated from Stellar. Not when, after all this time, he had finally met someone other than Mayu that sincerely _cared_ about him.

_I lost Mayu. I'm not going to lose you too, Stellar. I swear it.

* * *

_

_"All GUNDAMs get in ambush position. I repeat, all GUNDAMs get in ambush position,"_ Janeane said over the private GUNDAM com. The engineers had been able to scrape together a private and scrambled channel in a fairly short time, but it was definitely breakable. The whole _rushed_ nature of this plan unnerved Saburo greatly, even more than knowing that Indira, Ilia, or whoever she was was right next to him in her own GUNDAM.

_Why couldn't they let a real, experienced pilot take control of this thing? I want to sit this battle out . . . _

But, apparently, they felt he was the best pilot for Gaia, so now he was out here, hiding in the ruin of Junius Seven, ready to ambush the inevitable demolitions team.

_The commanders _have_ to know that the ZAFT at least will be expecting something. They're not stupid. They'll probably let the Naturals know too. _

Had it really come down to this? Trying to destroy the Earth? What _was_ Saburo truly fighting for, now?

He wasn't sure anymore. He just knew that if he didn't fight, he was guaranteed to die.

_I don't want to die . . . but I don't want to do this either! So what do I do?_

But he knew he only had one choice, in the end. If he fought, there was at least a small chance he'd survive. If he didn't, his own side would shoot him down if the enemy didn't use him for target practice. Ezalia Joule wasn't suicidal like a lot of the CLF. _She_ had to have an escape plan at least.

That made Saburo a little happier. If Ezalia did have an escape plan, all he'd need to do is latch himself onto it. And then he'd survive. And then he'd escape, and live a quiet life somewhere, anywhere. Where he'd never have to do this again.

But first he'd need to survive this first.

Janeane Cruz's voice again emanated over the airwaves. _"Demolitions team sighted. Designation: Team Jewel. They are being escorted. Hold your fire."_

_Oh crap. I can't believe they're already here._

_"Hold your fire. Not yet," _Cruz warned.

_This is it. I'm fighting for nothing but my own survival and killing all of the Naturals on Earth. I should be salivating for this._

He paused in thought for a moment.

_Then why aren't I?_

He had to shove his thoughts aside, as Team Jewel, with their demolition equipment, came into range.

He put his finger on the trigger, and waited for the order.

In just a few seconds, a silent, flashy hell would break loose in the vacuum of space.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen: Strife **

_I spoke of most disastrous chances,  
Of moving accidents by flood and field;  
Of hair-breadth 'escapes the imminent deadly breach. _

-Shakespeare, _**Othello, I**_

It came all of a sudden, a sudden green flash emanating from the Junius Seven ruins. A single bolt powered through the darkness, very briefly illuminating the ruins during its travel from a beam rifle to its target. And the beam found its unsuspecting target. A Zaku. The green beam slammed right into the center of the Mobile Suit and left a gaping hole where the pilot's seat used to be for a few brief seconds, sparks flying everywhere only to die from a lack of oxygen.

Finally, mercifully, one of the sparks connected with the fuel before it died and the Mobile Suit erupted into a column of violet smoke.

And then Yzak Joule knew he and his team were under attack. Just as everyone had expected. That's why Team Jewel had lagged behind a bit, to let professional Mobile Suit teams clear the area. And now, with the lone shot fired, Yzak knew there were foes to clear out. And he had to clean them out quickly, or Team Jewel would have no choice but to proceed with their operation under withering enemy fire.

The moment before the Mobile Suit exploded, Yzak was already giving orders. "Scatter into pairs!" he shouted. "Everyone hunt through every single corridor. Identify and shoot any rogue Mobile Suits. And be careful, we have Earth Alliance and Orb operating here too."

His Mobile Suits, all Zakus, did so, and Yzak proceeded with Dearka as his wingman. Dearka's voice came in, sardonic. _"That was a beam from a GINN,"_ he said.

"I know," Yzak replied. "Never thought I'd have to fight a GINN either."

All chatter stopped the next second, as one of the said GINNs jumped from behind a piece of floating Junius Seven rubble. Before the GINN could get a lock on both Yzak and Dearka fired on the GINN, and Yzak saw both shots strike the GINN and destroy it immediately.

_"Well, that's half a GINN painted on the side,"_ Dearka said. There wasn't any emotion in his voice now.

Yzak didn't answer. _Mom, you're really the one behind this, aren't you? Why? I never thought you were . . . one of these crazy people._

_"They're amateurs, Yzak," _Shiho said. _"We just wiped out six of them in an instant."_

_This is too easy. There must be a trap somewhere closer to the main section of Junius Seven. Somewhere by where we need to plant the Meteor Breakers,_ Yzak thought.

A communique came into his ear._ "Captain Joule, may I ask why the Meteor Breakers are not being deployed if the enemy forces are being defeated?"_

That was the captain of the ship Yzak had launched from. He was new to the position, Yzak struggled to remember the captain's name. Forsythe or something like that.

"Captain," Yzak said. "We cannot guarantee that the the main section of Junius Seven is safe for Meteor Breaker deployment. It is likely there will be an ambush if we get there."

_"Captain Joule,"_ the captain said harshly, _"The Earth Alliance is already preparing to put their own detonators on Junius Seven. I will not let the Earth Alliance destroy Junius Seven. This is our responsibility. Or are you afraid of confronting your mother?"_

_Damn him, he's trying to trap me_.

A private communique reached him a moment later, from Dearka._ "Don't worry about a thing, Yzak. We'll handle it. Whatever comes we can take it."_

Yzak sighed. He didn't have much choice. People were going to die because of this . . . and Yzak would likely be blamed for it because he rushed in there without considering the consequences. And somehow the captain would avoid blame.

"Team Jewel, begin Meteor Breaker deployment. Follow my squadron to the main section and prepare to place your detonators."

_"Understood, sir,"_ said the leader of Team Jewel, a woman whose name Yzak couldn't recall either.

Then they began flying through the rubble. Yzak scarcely blinked. He looked here, there, everywhere, searching for any operating rogue Mobile Suits. Or, in the worst case, those thieved GUNDAM machines he had heard about. The mere thought of him having to face those things unnerved him. The GUNDAMs could cause a hell of a lot of damage in the previous war. And these were supposedly _better_.

_Damn it, if there's GUNDAMs hanging around by the main section we're gonna have a massacre,_ Yzak thought as he saw the main section. He couldn't pick anything up, but there was so much rubble everywhere it was hard for him just to navigate.

_"I can't believe this is Junius Seven,"_ Dearka blurted out.

_Neither can I. And I'm trying to blow it up,_ Yzak thought. Then, suddenly beeping sounds meant to warn him activated, and he immediately looked at his radar screen.

_Damn, just as I expected._

Yzak immediately yelled out "Ambush! The GUNDAMs were waiting for us! Team Jewel, scatter and hide in the rubble! WE'll handle the GUNDAMs!"

There were two of them. Yzak tried to remember their classifications. _Impulse and Saviour_, he thought. _Then where's the other three?_

He had no further time to ponder as the two GUNDAMs began firing at Yzak's squadron and Team Jewel. Four Mobile Suits exploded, and Yzak knew that this was going to be the most difficult fight he'd had in years. In all of his fights in the Bloody Valentine War, he was fighting on equal or superior footing, and could down enemy ships with ease.

But now, _he_ was the one who could get massacred. And his squadron was already down four machines, and Team Jewel had just taken a casualty. If he didn't do something . . .

"Everyone, scatter! Whatever you do, don't stop moving! The moment you stop you're dead!" Yzak shouted, and immediately began evasive maneuvers as he saw the GUNDAM dubbed "Impulse" charging his way. The Impulse's attempt to cut him down with a fused, double-bladed anti ship sword failed, and Yzak grunted. If that had connected . . .

He couldn't worry about that now. He was now in the fight of his life. And if he wanted any chance of surviving this . . . he needed to take these people out.

Even if it meant accomplishing the impossible and destroying a GUNDAM with a mass-production Mobile Suit.

Yzak looked at Impulse with determination. If anyone could do that: score a GUNDAM kill with a Zaku . . . it would be him.

"Dearka, Shiho, on me!" Yzak called out. "We're taking the Impulse out! Again, whatever you do, don't stop moving!"

_"Got it,"_ Dearka said. Shiho remained silent, but Yzak saw her Mobile Suit join the battle, and Yzak smiled grimly.

_We're gonna do it. We're going to take you down, Impulse,_ Yzak said, and then he drew his MA-A8 Beam Tomahawk.

"Here's your welcome soiree, Impulse. You're up against three aces of the Bloody Valentine War," he said in a channel meant to reach Impulse's.

"You ready to dance?"

* * *

_"Aw, man, how many of them are there?"_ Auel wailed as he fired his rifle again at a patchwork GINN. The GINN was destroyed, and Stellar sighed in relief. It seemed that the Earth Alliance's chosen penetration into the Junius Seven colony was the toughest one chosen, considering there were far more forces to contend with here than elsewhere.

_At least this means Shinn isn't doing as much fighting_, she thought. _I prefer it that way. This means he won't get shot down_.

_"Stellar, behind you!" _Sting shouted then, and Stellar instantly spun her Windam around.

_You Coordinators aren't the only ones with quick reflexes, you know!_ Stellar thought and she opened fire right before the enemy GINN did. The GINN exploded, but one of his shots did manage to go off, forcing Stellar to dodge the shot. The beam hit a large piece of rubble that had just detached from the Junius Seven colony, and the rubble cracked and split into two pieces.

_"Good shot,"_ Sting said with mild surprise in his voice.

_I won't die, Sting. I just won't._

Suddenly, the commander, Badaglio, came onto their com. _"Everyone, form up on me."_

"What is it, sir?" Stellar asked.

_"You won't believe the instructions I've been given . . ."

* * *

_

"We need to _capture_ the GUNDAMs?" Shinn shouted into his com.

_"Ow, Shinn,"_ Lunamaria said in both pain and anger.

"Are they _crazy_? They could wipe us out at will! If we can't go all out, how do we even stand a chance against those things?"

Rey's voice came back, calm and cool. _"Regardless of our personal feelings on the matter, Asuka, we have to obey these orders. I believe the squadron guarding Team Jewel has encountered two of the GUNDAMs. Let's give this our assistance."_

_Damn it, this is a suicide order,_ Shinn thought, and he took out his anger by pounding on an empty part of his console. _The only way we have a change of beating them is to go all out and for the kill! Otherwise, we could all die!_

"And in any case," Rey said a moment later, "It's not like we can't remove pieces from them. We have the designs. We can always replace the arms and legs or gather them up once the battle is over. We're only have the main console."

_That's a little better, but then why do we need to capture the GUNDAM anyway if we could replace parts?_

Shinn decided not to voice those concerns. He had suspicions that Rey knew something about Shinn he shouldn't, and he was probably still in trouble over the "slamming Lunamaria into a wall" incident. If he wanted any chance of having a life after this was over, even if he simply defected to the Earth Alliance, he had to follow orders. Which meant having to survive a battle with a GUNDAM.

_"All right, Asuka, Hawke, form up on me. We're heading to Team Jewel's contact point and engaging the two GUNDAMs,"_ Rey said, and Shinn dutifully followed Rey.

_I'm not going to die,_ Shinn thought. _I'm not going to get killed by a GUNDAM. Not today!

* * *

_

"Well, this battle could be going better," Ezalia Joule noted sardonically as she stared at the battle grid. The ZAFT forces were having the easiest time breaking through, while the Earth Alliance and Orb were having more difficulty because more defenses were placed there. Stationery guns carefully placed in the rubble had also garnered some enemy casualties but no matter, the fact that the GUNDAMs were already forced to engage was a sign that the inevitable Meteor Breakers would be deployed in force soon.

"Yes, it could, ma'am," said one of Ezalia's many lieutenants. "But the two GUNDAMs we placed at the likely destruction zone seem to have halted their advance."

"GUNDAMs can't solve everything," Ezalia said. "We learned that the hard way in the last war. We stole four GUNDAMs and built two others and that didn't win us the last war."

The lieutenant didn't answer, and Ezalia sighed. So many of the people here had such insipid faith in what was essentially a fancy Mobile Suit too expensive for mass production. If anything, the GUNDAM were just prototypes to see whether anything the GUNDAMs had could be ported to mass-production Mobile Suits. They were better than any Mobile Suits but in such short numbers and against such a huge mass-productions force they would be worn down. At the least they would run out of ammunition and power after a while and _then_ there would be trouble.

"We're going to need to fall back soon," Ezalia said to the lieutenant. "We can't stay here for very long anyway. In twenty minutes we won't be able to escape Earth's gravity."

"I know, ma'am. But are you sure we should reveal ourselves so soon?

Ezalia took a moment to think. As much as she was tempted to simply run, if the enemy was able to break Junius Seven into small enough pieces, the Earth would receive virtually no damage.

"No. Hold our positions for now. I'll standby on the GOUF Ignited in case I'm needed to join the fray too."

"But ma'am, you're too important to-"

"All of our qualified Mobile Suit pilots, except one, are risking their lives out there for this. I'm the only qualified pilot not joining in the battle. If we need to escape under fire, this ship needs an escort because more than one of those Zakus has to have an anti-ship weapon equipped. It's best that if we have that escort ready to fly if that happens."

Pause. The lieutenant finally nodded. "Understood, ma'am. We'll keep you updated on the situation."

"Just promise me you'll know when to escape when the time comes. We can't die out there."

The lieutenant nodded. "I know, ma'am. Trust me."

Ezalia nodded. "Good. Keep in contact with me. If something happens . . . I'll do what I can."

And then she turned and walked off the bridge.

* * *

"Well, we've certainly made progress," Talia Gladys said nonchalantly as she stared at the scene in front of her. Far away, she could see the flashes emanating all over the ruin. Despite it seeming so insignificant, perhaps even beautiful from this distant, she knew full well there was an intense fight between Mobile Suits going on there. And with every flash, a person could be dying.

"I am still questioning the order to _capture_ the Mobile Suits instead of destroying them," Arthur Trine said morbidly.

"It's simple," Durandal said. "Those Mobile Suits are _ours_ and we _must_ get them back however necessary."

"Why? Can't we simply build more?" Talia asked. Arthur needed support. If she didn't at least give him a hand right now he would only become demoralized.

"We have a set limit on defense spending that we cannot surpass except in times of war. Right now, we are not at war, and rebuilding those five Gundams cost about as much as building five squadrons of Zakus," Durandal said. "Those five GUNDAMs contain absolutely cutting-edge technology that take millions just to assemble, much less install, test, and everything else that goes into producing and operating those things. We cannot afford to rebuild those things until next year."

_Do I detect some anti-EA sentiment in that?_ Talia thought. She decided not to push it. Right now, there were _far_ more pressing concerns to worry about . . . such as the end of the world.

"I have a report coming in from Team Jewel," Meyrin Hawke announced. "We've managed to deploy Meteor Breakers Six and Eight."

There was a particularly bright flash then, that even at this distance Talia had to squint to bear to look at that.

Meyrin's voice sounded empty when she broke the silence. "That was Meteor Breaker Seven. From what I can make out it was shot . . . all on the deploying team are MIA, ma'am."

_We can't afford to lose too many of those,_ Talia thought. _If we do we won't be able to break it into smaller pieces._

"I've heard of GUNDAM deployment," Talia said. "What have we made contact with, Ensign Hawke?"

"Orb's had no GUNDAM contact and they're starting to deploy their Meteor Breakers, they have four installed. The Earth Alliance is in contact with three GUNDAMs, they've only been able to deploy one of their own breakers. And we've made contact with the other two GUNDAMs."

Talia looked at Durandal. _I wonder how else you're going to interfere in this military mission,_ Talia thought.

But Durandal surprisingly didn't do any of the sort. "Just concentrate on the two we're dealing with. Right now, the priority is destroying Junius Seven. If we let it fall there won't be a home if the PLANTs ever fail."

Talia nodded, and allowed a small smile to cross her face. _You're no fool, are you, Chairman._

"I understand, Chairman," Talia said a moment later. "How many breakers deployed now, Ensign Hawke?"

"Um, four now. And we're setting up a fifth."

"How much time until our Mobile Suits can't escape the Earth's gravity?"

"Ten, maybe twelve minutes, if we're lucky."

"Tell the Mobile Suits they have five minutes to deploy the other breakers. Relay that to the other ships as well. We're going to blow this thing and then use any remaining breakers on the fragments or use our ships' cannons to take care of them," Talia said.

"U-Understood, ma'am."

_Right now, I honestly don't care about re-capturing the GUNDAMs,_ Talia thought. _I just want this mission to progress as smoothly as possible and without any more problems or restrictions. Is that too much to ask?

* * *

_

Indira's signature cackling erupted in Saburo's ears as he took cover behind some of the Junius Seven rubble._ "These guys are so _easy_!"_ she cried. _"They're not even close to being worthy pilots!"_

_Somehow, I'm not coming to the same conclusion_, Saburo thought.

He checked his radar. All over the radar stuff was moving. It could be Mobile Suits. It could be wreckage. It could be dead bodies. It could be _anything_.

Saburo tried not to let panic overtake him. But the more he thought about the battle raging all around him, the more rushed his thoughts were, the more fearful he was of dying. And he knew that unless something drastic happened very soon, the more likely he was to die.

He didn't have many allies left. The non-GUNDAM Mobile Suits on his side were universally all patchwork GINNs cobbled together out of spare parts. They weren't reliable or as well-armed as military GINNs. They were little more than cannon fodder even if the pilots were skilled. And that's what they had become. Even the Naturals were having their way with the CLF GINNs.

He leaned out from behind the rubble, trying to get a visual on any more Earth Alliance Mobile Suits entering his position. The Daggers were easy to take out, the Windams not so much. Four of those had given Saburo the scare of his life just a few minutes ago, and he probably would've been killed if his partner GUNDAMs, Abyss and Chaos, hadn't been around to help him.

Suddenly, his censors came to life, and Saburo realized he was being fired upon . . . from _above_.

There was, of course, no _above_ in space, but from his perspective it certainly seemed that way as four more Windams launched an ambush. Saburo took a blow to the shoulder that shook the whole GUNDAM, and he immediately flew backwards, forced to draw his MA-M941 Beam Sabre to deflect a Windam close-quarters strike.

_Damn it_. He tried to break the deadlock, but the Windam wouldn't give. In fact, the pilot matched his movements blow for blow. Not even the best Natural pilot would be able to handle this GUNDAM unless the pilot was truly legendary. Which meant . . .

_Crap, I'm fighting a Slant._ Saburo pulled back, and immediately wished he could let loose with a machine gun. Unfortunately, all he had in his arsenal were single-shot rifles, which were definitely not recommended for close-quarters combat.

Which meant he was forced to take off, and dodge the pursuit by trying to use the rubble as a maze. It seemed to be working at first, for he lost his two closest pursuers that way.

But then another Windam got in his way and let loose a missile barrage, aimed right at his GUNDAM's distinctive head.

Saburo saw an opening above and took off, and zigzagged around the colony, letting the missiles either run out of fuel or crash against rubble and explode.

_I can't keep this up forever. These Slants are trained and I'm just a normal Coordinator with a fancy Mobile Suit. The specs on this thing are superior to theirs, as is my blood, but even Mu La Flaga could shoot Coordinators down in the last war._

But then the Windams seemed to vanish, and Saburo had a sinking feeling in his stomach. Why would the Windams just give up their pursuit like this? Especially since he was being worn down by them and hadn't inflicted a casualty?

And then he heard why, as Commander Janeane Cruz got on the horn. _"Everyone, get away _now_! They're starting to detonate their Meteor Breakers! Everyone, pull back-"_

But then Saburo saw everything becoming fire. _Too late, Commander. Too late._


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen: The Shooting Star**

_And the fifth angel sounded, and I saw a star fall from heaven unto the earth: and to him was given the key to the bottomless pit. And he opened the bottomless pit; and there arose smoke out of the pit, as the smoke of a great furnace; and the sun and the air were darkened by reason of the smoke of the pit. And there came out of the smoke locusts upon the earth: and unto them was given power, as the scorpions of the earth have power. _

-Revelation 9:1-2, **Holy Bible **

"My God," Athrun whispered as he stared at Junius Seven, the place where his mother had died, exploded in half. Many smaller chunks were incinerated.

_I hope none of our forces got stuck in there. That looks like hell,_ Athrun thought. Orb had only been able to get some of their Meteor Breakers deployed, but Athrun knew the job wasn't done yet. It was quite obvious that Junius Seven needed to be broken in several pieces.

Admiral Kisaka seemed to realize that too, as he began issuing orders to the Orb M1s and the Strike Rouge. _"Don't return to the base, and don't stay still! Junius Seven has only been partially destroyed! It is still a grave threat to the Earth right now! It needs to be broken into smaller pieces!"_

"What's the plan, Admiral?" Athrun immediately asked before any of his probably-confused team could muddle the com.

_"We're going to move in on the half that's en route to the Americas. We're personally getting involved too, we're going to bombard the wreckage with our cannons. Be careful, we only have a few minutes' deployment left before Earth's gravity takes hold of us."_

_Don't tell me Admiral Kisaka's seriously considering landing the _Kusanagi_ on Earth. We could wind up in an uncontrollable freefall the same way the _Archangel_ infamously did in the Bloody Valentine War_.

But Athrun knew, internally, that Kisaka and Cagalli were going to do whatever they could to prevent Junius Seven from destroying or severely damaging Earth. If they wound up somewhere they shouldn't because of that, well, that was the price that had to be paid. That was something Athrun admired about Cagalli and Kisaka.

Of course, that also meant his time was rapidly running out. Nobody would want to try to enter the atmosphere in a Mobile Suit. Yzak and Dearka _definitely_ didn't want to talk about it after they survived such an event and Athrun had a feeling neither one of them would ever bring it up. M1s were theoretically capable of surviving a descent into the atmosphere but no tests had been done with a live pilot. Athrun didn't want to be that test.

"All right, we're going back in. Just give us a warning when time's up," Athrun said, and he took the Strike Rouge and accelerated it towards what looked to be the western half of the ruin. Surprisingly, he hadn't encountered any GUNDAM units yet despite being their biggest threat. He wondered if he would encounter any now that he was explicitly threatening the CLF's plan . . .

* * *

Ezalia Joule was angry.

The plan was coming down all around them. She had expected there to be a response team, and she had planned for _some_ of the Meteor Breakers deploying successfully. But she hadn't expected the response team to be this numerous, or as many Meteor Breakers being deployed. She _definitely_ didn't expect the colony to be split in half.

And now, she had a major decision to make. It would be mere minutes before the ship would not be able to escape the Earth's gravitational pull. That was akin to a death sentence no matter what happened to the colony. If everything went according to plan there wouldn't be much of an Earth left. If everything didn't the people on Earth would not rest until every CLF member was dead.

Which meant the ship would have to retreat in plain sight of the response team's battleships. Which was definitely easier said than done.

"Lieutenant," Ezalia said. "I'm going to deploy in the GOUF Ignited. We can't do anything about the half that's falling towards Africa, it's smaller and the response team in that half is universally ZAFT. Get the two GUNDAMs deployed in that area out of there ASAP."

_"Understood. What do you want us to do, then?"_

"We're going towards the half that's falling towards the Americas. We're going to harass the Naturals until the last second, then break through them. The GUNDAMs will form up there and help us smash through. It's our only shot at making this not a suicide mission."

_"I'm on it, ma'am. Opening hangar bay doors. We'll make it out of this. We're up against Naturals and Slants."_

_If it were only that easy, Lieutenant._ Ezalia thought. _If it only were that easy.

* * *

_

Shinn breathed heavily. He had somehow managed to survive everything so far. He had barely been able to get out of range before the Meteor Breakers detonated, and now, just as he had tried to relax, he had been ordered back into the fray. The few remaining enemy GINNs had been easy, but now they had a pair of GUNDAMs sniping them as the ZAFT tried to set more of their meteor breakers down.

The commander of this operation was named Yzak Joule. Even though his own mother was the head of the group seemingly behind this attack, Yzak was loyal to the ZAFT, and had been proving it in this battle. Shinn wondered what that was like, to fight against one's own mother just for something he believed in. He wasn't sure if he would be able to do such a thing in Yzak's position. But that's exactly what Yzak Joule was doing and Shinn respected the man for it.

Yzak's instructions had been brief and succinct._ "Rey Za Burrel, take two squads and hunt down those GUNDAMs. I'll stay here and protect the demolitions team. The last thing we need is those GUNDAMs picking us off."_

Rey had dutifully accepted the job, and now Shinn was flying through the rubble, trying to find one of the two GUNDAMs known to be in the area. It was proving to be more difficult than expected. The two pilots flying those GUNDAMs were skilled at hiding. It was likely the first shot would be fired by a GUNDAM, and it would most likely kill the ZAFT pilot fired upon.

In other words, one of the Zakus in the area was going to be torn apart at any second. And, by pure chance, that could turn out to be Shinn Asuka. The mere thought of him being the GUNDAMs' target made him shiver, and in order to calm himself down, he thought of Mayu.

_You're not dying out here, Shinn. You can't. That'll let Mayu down. You're going to live through this. You have to._

Anywhere from all around them, there could be GUNDAMs waiting. Stalking. Trying to create the perfect ambush. Shinn already had a taste of what these machines were capable of. Despite his orders, he truly hoped none were around. He didn't want to fight a GUNDAM again. He had barely survived the _last_ confrontation with one.

And then, suddenly, an alarm went off in his cabin, and he saw one of the GUNDAMs, the one dubbed "Impulse".

Impulse had a pair of anti-ship swords fused together into a double blade, and charged the Zaku directly in front of Shinn. The Zaku didn't stand a chance and was cleaved in half before the pilot could even think about reacting, and Impulse charged even more, heading right for Shinn.

Shinn wasn't going to die the same way, by getting cut open in the cockpit. He drew his beam tomahawk and deflected the blow, but the sheer velocity knocked Shinn backwards.

And continued driving him backwards. Shinn desperately tried to push back but to no avail, and he got slammed into a large piece of wreckage so hard he left a dent in it.

Before he could catch his breath, the Impulse tried to stab him. Shinn deflected it, and suddenly found himself being forced to keep up with blow after blow after blow.

He had to guess where the Impulse would attack next, that's how fast the GUNDAM was. He couldn't even think about counterattacking. The Impulse was just too swift. And the moment he guessed wrong he was going to get carved up like the Zaku in front of him.

_I can't die here! Not in this place! Not to a GUNDAM!_

And then the Impulse's beam sword flicked out of existence.

Shinn stared, as then the Impulse itself ran out of power and floated, dead in space. He could guess how the pilot was acting right now, frantically trying to force the GUNDAM to move. He almost felt sorry for the pilot . . . until he remembered that the pilot had been trying to _kill_ him.

_"Asuka, you all right?"_ Rey asked.

Shinn almost couldn't answer. "I'm fine, Rey," Shinn said.

Lunamaria whistled. _"You're one lucky bastard, Shinn."_

_I am, aren't I? I would have expected Impulse to have a indefinite energy supply like those Freedom and Justice models from the war,_ Shinn thought. He didn't want to guess why that was the case, he was just glad it was. If it hadn't, he'd probably have been killed.

_"Hawke, Asuka, take Impulse to the Minerva. I'm going to go look for Saviour, that was the other GUNDAM thought to be around here. That's an order!"_

"Yes, sir," Shinn said, and awkwardly got his arm into position around the Impulse. Curiously, the pilot wasn't trying to get out. He wondered if the cockpit was in lockdown or something, or if the pilot just simply didn't know how to get out. Or, a dark part of him said, the pilot may have committed suicide.

Whatever the case, it meant he was out of the battle. He was going to survive this. And that was a relief to Shinn, until he realized that Stellar was still out here somewhere.

And now a whole different set of worries gripped him as he proceeded back to the _Minerva_.

* * *

"What do you mean you're out of power, Commander Cruz?" Ezalia shouted angrily.

_"I barely have enough left for communications. Impulse is out of power too, and they've taken that machine prisoner. It's only a matter of time before I'm found like this."_

Ezalia slammed her fist against the cockpit wall, and tried a relaxation technique, only for it to fail.

"Isn't there anything you can do?"

_"It's not like I can exactly leave. The ZAFT has no opposition now. They'll be able to completely break this section of the meteor. And if that doesn't kill me, I'll be unable to escape Earth's gravity and I'll burn up. Basically, all I can do is to be taken prisoner. Or commit suicide."_

Ezalia sighed bitterly. "Do what you think is right, Commander. You served us well. We'll try to get you as soon as possible."

_"Thank you, ma'am. It's been an honor."_

Ezalia severed the communications then, and tried to fathom what that meant. She had lost two GUNDAM machines that had cost a high amount of casualties to capture . . . for nothing. Their sacrifices had achieved nothing.

But there was still a chance to cause some damage. There was still one half that the response team hadn't been able to break. The one falling towards the Americas. There was still a chance for the CLF to make a statement, at least.

But, now as she thought about it, the fact that Saviour and Impulse had run out of power meant that the _other_ three machines were running low, too. If they weren't out already.

She accessed the GUNDAMs' channel and began speaking. "Gaia, Abyss, and Chaos. Fall back to base immediately. Savior and Impulse ran out of power. Get back here before you do as well. I doubt the Naturals will be as lenient as our fellow Coordinators."

The pilot of the Gaia was the only one who responded._ "Chaos has already run out of power and has been taken prisoner by one of their Windam units. I'm still here, and I think Indira is still here but I can't get in touch with her, I think she's completely lost it."_

_So, the fusion idea didn't hold out for very long,_ Ezalia thought, disappointed. _It was worth a shot, Ilia. I'm sorry._

"Find the Abyss and get it back here, Gaia. I'll run interference in the GOUF Ignited. We're leaving the area. I don't think the Naturals will get enough breakers deployed to destroy Junius Seven completely in time. We're reaching our limit in a matter of minutes. None of us want to end up in the atmosphere."

_"I'll do my best, ma'am."_ And then Gaia fell silent, too.

_This is turning into such a disaster. What made me think I could do this? What did I miss? What did I overlook? What intangible made this plan fail?_

It was a lot of little things, she knew. She hadn't messed up on anything major but it was a combination of minor things. The inability for any Zakus and GINNs to escape Hawking Base, Indira's insubordination and lack of control, underestimating the size of the response team . . . just little things.

But if she found a way to escape now, the CLF would live to fight another day. And at this point, that was all that mattered.

"Lieutenant, take aim at the Orb ship. We'll blast our way through them. I'm going to protect this half as much as I can and catch up before I reach my limit."

_"Got it, ma'am. Preparing to break through."_

_If I can shoot the Meteor Breakers, their electronics will be fried and hopefully there won't be any detonations. It's a desperate shot but it's our only chance to see any success out of this operation._

Ezalia set course, and got to work on her self-assigned mission.

* * *

Stellar was in trouble. They were down Auel, although that was because he was bringing Chaos back to the _Leighton Abrams_. And now, the remaining three members of the team were up against the final two GUNDAMs in the CLF's arsenal.

_Don't panic, Stellar. You can't panic. They're running out of energy. All we need to do is outlast them._

It didn't help that the pilot of the _Abyss_ had hacked into their communications and was using the opportunity to be completely psychotic.

_"Come on, you Naturals? What's the matter? Scared of a superior being?"_

_"I'm not afraid,"_ shouted Badaglio and he collided with the Abyss.

"_Sir!_" Stellar cried, and she accelerated towards the deadlock, only to find the other GUNDAM, the Gaia, in her way.

The two Mobile Suits began trading blows against each other. Stellar grunted as she received a scratch on her right shoulder. _Come on, Sting. Where are you? I need some help!_

Badaglio continued shouting at the Abyss' pilot. _"I don't care how superior your machine is or your genetics! Today, everyone fighting you people is beyond that! And we're going to prove it to you, you bigoted monster!"_

The Abyss' pilot didn't take that well. _"You _dare_ to lecture me, Natural?"_

_"Yes, I do. Because you know nothing about the way the world works. Your time is over. Today, the world is united against you!"_

_"Oh, shut up and explode."_

And then the Abyss stabbed Badaglio's Windam right in the chest. Stellar could only stare as she heard her commander scream in agony before the Windam erupted into violet smoke.

"_Commander_!" she screamed. Suddenly, the anger she had experienced yesterday began to assert itself. Her heart began pounding so ferociously she thought it was going to implode. She felt a wave of strength and rage that made her so powerful, so immense compared to even the Coordinators.

But the other GUNDAM, "Gaia", was still fighting her.

_"Die, you bitch!_" Stellar shrieked and she sliced off the right arm of the Gaia and then charged the Abyss without hesitation.

_"Oh, I remember you! You're the Slant cutie's girl-"_

Stellar cut off the Abyss pilot's words with a decapitation strike. However, she wasn't able to cut anything else.

_"Oh, I made you mad, _Slant_. What are you going to do about it?"_

"I'll _destroy_ you!" Stellar screamed.

_"Such a left-brained personality. What's next? 'Windam smash, Windam bash'?"_

"My name . . . is _Stellar_!"

The Abyss blocked her next attempt at destruction, and she heard the Abyss pilot cackling away.

_"Stop screaming at me and hit me,"_ the Abyss pilot said.

And then the Abyss ran out of power.

The Abyss pilot promptly began shouting out a stream of curses as Stellar saw her chance to put an end to this psychotic _bitch _that had only caused her pain, her boyfriend's pain, the death of her commander.

She raised her Windam's beam sabre. "You're dead!"

But as she tried to stab the Abyss another Windam reached its arm out and grabbed her Windam's sabre hand.

_"Stellar, stop it! Calm down! Remember our orders!"_

That was Sting's voice. And then Stellar realized what she had been doing.

"I'm . . . sorry, Sting. But she . . . she killed our commander."

_"And I want to kill her too. But right now, our orders are to take them alive. Gaia's already disabled. One of the other Windams are going to retrieve the arm you cut off. We're done here, Stellar."_

That was Sting, knowing how to calm her down. "I lost myself again, Sting. I can't-"

"It can wait until we're back inside the _Abrams_. Come on, let's go."

Stellar stared at the Abyss, and sighed. "You want to take the Abyss or should I?"

_"I'll take the Abyss. Flagship's orders. You're taking the body of the Gaia back to base with you."_

"Got it, Sting."

Tears ran down her face as she flew away from the Abyss.

_There is no justice in this world, is there? Why did my commander have to die and why is a complete monster able to live? Why?

* * *

_

Yzak Joule was tired. His team had managed to wipe out the half of Junius Seven heading towards Asia. But the one heading towards the Americas was still standing. And it didn't take Yzak very long to find out why.

_"This is Team Seven! We're under attack by a CLF Mobile Suit! We can't defend the Break-AAGH!"_

_Even though we've prevented worldwide destruction, if this half of Junius Seven is allowed to fall billions of people are still going to get killed. I can't tolerate that._

He was aware that the edges of the the wreckage were beginning to glow bright yellow and red as they were beginning to heat up. Everything in the area was beginning to enter the atmosphere. Their time was almost up.

"Dearka, I'm going to handle the CLF Mobile Suit," Yzak said. "You protect the remaining teams and make sure as many charges as possible go off."

_"What about you?"_ Dearka asked.

"I'm going to buy you guys time. I'll leave before my time's up. I know we only have a couple minutes left."

_"Right. We don't want to enter the atmosphere, Yzak. The Zakus are tough but we can't guarantee survival in these."_

"Let me worry about that. You make sure those remaining breakers detonate, dammit."

Yzak then took off, heading right for the CLF Mobile Suit. _I don't have a lot of energy left,_ he thought. _I have to make this fast anyway. I can hold up for five more minutes of fighting but that's it._

He was out of ammunition for his Beam Assault Rifle, but he _did_ have missiles and a fully-charged Beam Tomahawk. He charged the CLF Mobile Suit, which appeared to be a highly advanced version of the Zaku Warrior, the GOUF Ignited.

It would be tough to fight this one. The GOUF Ignited was built for close-range combat. And, unfortunately, Yzak had no choice but to fight the GOUF Ignited in that manner. But if he didn't, more Breakers would be destroyed and more damage would be done to the Earth.

_Athrun, Kira, Dearka, all of you . . . all of you fought to defend the Earth during the war. I was fighting to wipe it out. Now I'm going to do what you guys did. I _will_ protect this world!_

And then Yzak charged, firing a spray of Firebee missiles and he drew his Tomahawk.

"Take this, _bastard_!" Yzak shouted in the heat of the moment.

The GOUF Ignited noticed the missile spray at the last second and moved to dodge the missiles. One of the six-missile spray exploded close by anyway, and knocked the Mobile Suit off-balance, making it perfect prey for Yzak's charge.

But it was not to be.

The GOUF Ignited drew its Tempest Beam Sword, which was a gigantic sword styled after ancient medieval European swords. And all Yzak was able to connect with was that sword. Yzak growled angrily and moved to break the deadlock, but the Ignited held its ground.

Yzak then moved to communicate with the Ignited. Already, it was starting to get hot in the cockpit. He was fast running out of time. He had already bought thirty seconds with his charge. And he knew he had a minute or two at the _most_ before he would be unable to break free of the atmosphere. And who knew what would happen to him then?

"Listen, pilot of the GOUF Ignited. Surrender now. There's no hope of victory here. Junius Seven is being destroyed. All of the GUNDAMs you hijacked are out of action. The Earth Alliance and the Orb are in the process of destroying your cruiser. Your forces are in shambles. And if you don't fall back you'll be incinerated. Do the sane thing and surrender to me."

Pause. And then the last voice Yzak wanted to hear replied to him.

_"Takes nerve to give orders to your mother, doesn't it, Yzak?"_


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen: What it is to Burn**

_Now comes the evening of the mind.  
Here are the fireflies twitching in the blood. _  
Donald Justice, **The Evening of the Mind**

"M-Mom?" Yzak finally blurted out.

_"Yes, Yzak. Get over your shock now."_

"I . . . I didn't want it to be _you_, Mom. I just didn't."

_"Well, it _is_ me. Now, listen to me, Yzak. You don't want to kill your own mother, right?"_

"No, Mom."

_"Then help me get out of this mess. I don't care how. Help me destroy those detonators and we'll get out of here. The CLF has been decimated but that leaves _plenty_ of room for new blood. Help me, Yzak. Help your mother."_

Yzak couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Mom, are you crazy? Our time's running out! We're going to enter the atmosphere unless we leave _now_!"

_"Yes or no, Yzak."_ His mother's voice was steely, firm. Dead set on what she was doing.

And Yzak knew the answer. "No, Mom."

_"Then get out of my way."_ And then came the GOUF Ignited, sword glowing brightly, coming straight for Yzak's head.

"I won't!" Yzak raised his Tomahawk and blocked the blow. "I can't let you kill so many people, Mom!"

_"You _would_ kill your own mother."_ Ezalia Joule sounded shocked. _"I thought I raised a better son than that!"_

"I'm going to stop you! And then we're getting out of here. It's over, Mom!"

They traded blows back and forth with the backdrop of a plummeting, starting to burn Junius Seven behind them. Neither Mobile Suit was giving an inch. It was a straight up duel between the two, no interference, and with the time limit of the Earth's atmosphere.

_"It's not over! This is the path for all true Coordinators, Yzak!"_

"I can't believe you're saying stuff like that, Mom!"

_"You used to believe the same thing!"_

"I know better now! And once we're out of here we're going to see what prison did to your head!"

_"Re-educate me, Yzak? You would really do that to me? What kind of vicious son have I raised?"_

"I'm only doing what's right for the Earth!"

_"But you're not doing what's right for your people, Yzak."_

"Shut_ up, _Mom!"

_"Temper, Yzak, temper."_

Yzak finally discovered an opening in the GOUF Ignited's defenses. He surged forward, screaming at the top of his lungs, and did a uppercut slash on the Ignited's right arm, severing it perfectly in the shoulder area.

Sparks flew from the arm and it exploded, and Yzak could hear his mother cry out as the velocity from the explosion knocked her closer to Earth.

_Too_ close to Earth, Yzak realized to his horror. Already, the Ignited was glowing bright red from entry into the Earth's atmosphere. And considering the damage he had administered to it . . .

_I've just killed my own mother.

* * *

_

Cagalli winced as she looked at the enemy CLF ship the _Kusanagi_ had been firing upon for the last five minutes. It looked more like glorified wreckage now than a battle cruiser. The _Kusanagi_ seemed to have an edge on the enemy vessel, and with help from the Earth Alliance they had been doing an increasingly heavy amount of damage.

"Admiral Kisaka. Do you think we should send a surrender offer to them?" she asked.

"It might be prudent. I'll see if I can make contact with them."

But before Kisaka could do so, a young woman's face appeared on the communications monitors. To Cagalli's surprise, the woman didn't look much older than Cagalli's, and Cagalli felt sickened as she eyed the blood streaming down the woman's forehead.

Sparks were flying in the background, and Cagalli could see a dead body floating behind the woman. But before she could focus more on the gruesome imagery, the young woman began to speak.

_"You think you've won it all, Naturals? You're dead wrong. Your mistreatment of our kind will never be forgotten. You may install puppets like Chairman Durandal, you may outgun us, but you'll never beat us. We're inherently superior to your kind in every way. Soon, the tide will turn, Naturals. It will turn, and you will have your reckoning."_

_What does she mean by that?_ Cagalli thought, but the horrific answer came to her a moment later.

She turned to Kisaka. "She's going to blow herself up, Kisaka! Get everyone out of-"

But she saw a bright flash out of the corner of her eye, and she knew she was too late. The ZAFT cruiser vanished in a bright ball of fire and light, and Cagalli stared at it, mesmerized by the sight.

"Oh no . . ." she softly gasped.

"They were fanatics," Kisaka growled. "Why did they have to do this? They could've surrendered."

"I guess it was embarrassing to be taken prisoner by Naturals," Cagalli said bitterly. She looked away from the ball of fire and turned back to Kisaka.

"Look . . . we need to worry about that half of Junius Seven hitting Earth. We _have_ to blow it up. Even if we have to bombard it with our cannons."

"I understand, Cagalli. We're going to move forward."

Cagalli sighed, and shook her head as she looked at the dying flames of what remained of the CLF ship. _To think that Athrun was going to go out this way . . . is this the way fanatics die? Or people with no hope? Or people who just want to take the easy way out and die?_

_I hope I'll never find out that answer.

* * *

_

"Mom!" Yzak yelled out as he stared at the plummeting GOUF Ignited below him. He wanted to do something, _anything_. But there was no way to reach his mother. Not without him getting pulled in permanently too.

_"Yzak,"_ Ezalia Joule said softly._ "I'll see you soon enough. Live out your life, however brief it is. I hope you've made the right decision. I truly do."_

And then the GOUF was enveloped in a brief flash of fire before vanishing from existence.

_Mom . . ._

Yzak spent an incalculable amount of time staring where his mother had been just moments before. _Mom . . . I didn't mean to kill you. Why . . . why did you make me do it? Why?_

Before he could think about anything else, he heard Dearka's panicked voice. "Yzak, what are you doing? Get out of there now or you're not going to be able to escape!"

A switch flipped on in Yzak then, and he realized in horror he had reached his own limit. If he didn't leave right this second . . . he accelerated as fast as he could, pouring on the engines.

_I have to make it out of here! I can't die here! I'm not going to burn up like Mom did! I can't!_

And just as he reached Junius Seven, he came to an uncomfortable realization as he realized his Zaku had stopped accelerating _ten seconds ago_.

_I'm out of power._

He was barely able to coax his Mobile Suit to land next to a Meteor Breaker. All around them, the breakers were going off, shattering the Junius Seven memorial into smaller and smaller pieces. Except this one.

It was getting unbearably hot inside the cockpit. Even with his cooling system running full blast Yzak was still sweating bullets as he forced his out-of-power Zaku to crawl next to the Meteor Breaker. Hopefully, it would go off and kill him in an instant. He wasn't going to die like his mother. He wasn't going to burn up. He _couldn't_ burn up.

But the Meteor Breaker never exploded. It was a dud. It continued to fly off somewhere towards the Earth, as the piece flew off during the massive explosions caused by the Meteor Breakers.

_"Yzak!"_ Dearka screamed. _"What are you doing? Get out of there!"_

"I'm out of power, Dearka," Yzak said.

_"_What_? I'm coming, Yzak! Just hold on-"_

"Don't bother. I'm pretty sure I've already passed my limit."

There was a long pause. Then, to his horror, he heard Shiho's voice wail for him.

_"Yzak, no! Don't talk like that! We'll come for you! There's gotta be a way we can save you!"_

But Yzak had a feeling there wasn't. He could see, in the distance, the Earth Alliance and Orb ships entering the atmosphere, firing their cannons to destroy sizable elements of the Junius Seven colony. But the piece he was clinging to was too far away. Plus, for them to make such a manuever, it would expose vulnerable parts of their ships to the Earth's atmosphere. And that could incinerate either one of them before they could reach him.

No, there was only one thing he could do.

"Dearka," Yzak said. "Where is this fragment heading? The one I'm attached to?"

Dearka's voice was resigned and empty. _"I dunno . . . looks like Mexico City."_

"I'm going to detonate the Meteor Breaker manually. It's suicide, I know, but it's better than burning up . . . or letting this thing fall on a big city."

_"Yzak, no!"_ Shiho screamed.

"Stay away from here!" Yzak warned. "Stay away! Don't come near me, you can't save me! Dearka, take care of Shiho, all right? Take care of her!"

_"Yzak, I-"_ Static.

He had lost radio communications. He probably didn't have a lot of time left. Already, the suppressive heat was giving him a massive headache as he forced his way to the Meteor Breaker and opened up the control panel.

He forced himself to breathe as he entered the manual self-destruct code. _This is the only way. I have to do this. To save that city!_

He could see the console beginning to melt in front of him, along with his Zaku's hands. He had mere seconds left . . .

He pounded the big red button to commence the destruction.

His world vanished in white a mere second later, and Yzak went out with a smile.

_I did it . . . I saved those people . . ._

A second after Yzak left reality to see the unknowable, the Zaku was vaporized by the Meteor Breaker's explosion, and the wreckage he had clinged to slowly broke down into tiny, nearly insignificant pieces before landing in Mexico City in the form of blackened little shards and balls.

* * *

Saburo had no idea how well the mission had gone. All he knew was that he was a prisoner of the Naturals. And he was now hanging somewhere in a Earth Alliance hangar, and he could hear the faint sounds of buzzsaws as Earth Alliance crew tried to break into his cockpit.

_I screwed up . . . I'm going to be their prisoner. They're probably going to execute me. I'm just a terrorist to them. That's all I am to these people. A racist terrorist._

He stared at where the sparks were flying. The larger the gap became, the more the abrasive sounds of that godforsaken buzzsaw were getting louder. He wanted to cover his ears, but decided he wanted to be taken prisoner with some dignity. That was the least he could ask for, couldn't it? Just a little bit of dignity before being shuffled off to some prison camp to await his inevitable execution?

He sighed as the buzzsaw stopped and the canopy was forced open. He raised his hands.

"I surrender," Saburo said plainly.

There was a brief pause. Then the voice of one of those Naturals said "Too bad. It's not accepted."

_What?_

Saburo had barely the time to see a Earth Alliance soldier aiming a pistol right at his head before a a tiny flash and a spinning lead bullet erased him from existence.

* * *

Indira heard the gunshot in the distance, and she knew full well what that meant.

_They're not taking prisoners, are they? Well, then, I'm not going down without a fight._

She carefully placed her machine-gun in an area where anyone looking through the widening gap wouldn't see it immediately. Hopefully by that point she'd be able to shoot first and take down as many people as possible before being shot up.

_You Natural pricks aren't getting me. Not without a fight. I'm going to shoot every single one of you bastards before I run out of ammo. You got that? You guys don't even know what's about to hit you!_

The canopy opened, and a male face leered inside. He looked at Indira and a disappointed frown crossed his face. "Oh come on, it's a hot chick! Do we really need to-"

"Let me have a look."

A _different_, considerable more handsome male face leaned in a moment later. Then the face vanished.

"Oh man, she _is_ hot."

"We can't just kill her, can we? Come on, let's just take her prisoner. The captain's male. He'll understand."

A female voice let out an "ugh" growl. "Fine, I'll take care of her myself."

Indira readied the machine-gun, and the moment the female face peeked through she opened fire.

She immediately leaned out at the edge of the buzzsawed cockpit, and let loose a torrent of machine-gun fire into as many bodies as possible before she ran out of ammunition. Now under intense fire, she drew her pistol and returned fire with that too. But as she fired her final bullet, she saw someone in a soldier's uniform rushing her, a determined look on her face.

Indira drew her knife, but before she could raise it to defend herself the female Earth soldier already had her rifle in firing position. Before Indira could do anything a single gunshot put an end to her rampage a mere twenty seconds after it had started. And, at long last, the conflict between the Ilia and Indira personalities came to an sudden end.

* * *

"Malik, take us in closer. We need to blast the remaining significant shards ourselves," Talia Gladys ordered.

"Yes, ma'am." Malik Yardbirds said and began piloting the _Minerva_ closer to what little remained of the Junius Seven colony.

_It's a real shame,_ Talia thought. _The memorial laid there was supposed to stand forever as a testament to what we lost, and also for the hope of a permanent peace. But now all of that's been lost. In that sense, the terrorists did win, even though we stopped the colony from doing major damage to the Earth._

"We're going to get pulled into the Earth's gravitational pull at this rate, Captain," Chairman Durandal said.

"I know, Chairman," Talia said. "Right now, the other ZAFT ship here is getting pulled towards Orb space. It's been agreed that's the best place for us to regroup. Orb's about as neutral as you can get at Earth. I'm sure we'll be able to use their rebuilt Mass Driver to launch back up into space soon anyhow."

"I understand, Captain. Just making sure you know what you're doing. I trust your judgment on this."

"It's not only that. The few remaining significant shards are heading towards Orb territory anyway. With Yzak Joule's sacrifice there is no longer a major threat to the Americas. Sure, there'll be some trash slamming into the ground, but we won't have deaths on a country-wide scale," Talia said.

"That's all that matters at this point, Captain. You and everyone here have done well. My sincerest congratulations to all of you."

Talia decided to ignore the flattery. "Please fasten your seatbelt, Chairman. Entering the atmosphere is still a bumpy ride."

"Of course, Captain."

* * *

Athrun struggled to breathe as he sat in his Strike Rouge. Somehow, he had made it out of that conflagration alive. Four of his pilots hadn't, but everyone else had. It had helped they hadn't encountered any GUNDAMs directly like Cagalli and Kisaka had feared. It made Athrun wonder why the precaution was even made.

But something was unnerving him as he tried to rest in his cockpit as the _Kusanagi_ entered the atmosphere. It was that the Earth Alliance apparently had chosen to _capture_ the GUNDAMs instead of destroying them.

He wondered who gave the order to do that. The person who did that may have committed a colossal mistake. The ZAFT would want their GUNDAMs back immediately the moment they found out the EA had them, and Athrun doubted the EA would give those GUNDAMs back until every bit of information could be gleaned from them. The sparks of another diplomatic incident were beginning here.

In fact, those GUNDAMs could plant the seed of another war.

Athrun hoped the rumors he had been hearing were wrong. If they weren't, there was a very good chance another war would begin soon. A war over those five GUNDAMs.

The world was just three years removed from the end of the Bloody Valentine War. Would the world really want to have another war so soon? Especially over five pieces of advanced machinery?

Athrun could only wonder. He remained immersed in thought the whole way down, hoping against hope that the victory the allied force had today would not be spoiled by those accursed GUNDAM machines . . .

* * *

_I have three of them,_ Naomi Mitsuda thought. _I have three of the new ZAFT GUNDAMs. All of their secrets are mine. They now belong to the EA._

She smiled softly. _With these three weapons we have an advantage against you, ZAFT. Consider this payment for helping you solve your little CLF problem._

She sighed then. _This is my challenge to you, Gilbert Durandal. Let's see how peaceful you really are. It's about time the Earth Alliance gave you something to be stressful over. Do you really mean what you say when you speech about being peaceful and anti-war? Or are those mere words to you to win favor among the ZAFT people tired of war?_

She knew that she would win favor among her people in the Earth Alliance. She had scored major political and military points over the ZAFT by doing this. She would soon have intricate knowledge of the new advancements being put forth by the ZAFT thanks to the Orb engineers. And, some way, she'd find a way to put these to her advantage.

But, first and foremost, this was a test of Gilbert Durandal. That whole trip, he had been doing nothing but making her jump through hoops. And she had been able to stomach that only by sheer will.

Now that _Durandal_ had diplomatic hoops to jump through, Naomi Mitsuda could only wonder what Durandal would do from here. Was he committed towards peace and understanding? Or was he going to incite a blood feud?

Naomi Mitsuda knew she'd have her answer in a matter of days. She would just need to patient until then.

And patience was something she had in plenty.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen: Welcome Home**

_Raging waves of the sea, foaming out their own shame; wandering stars, to whom is reserved the blackness of darkness forever. _  
Jude 1:13, **Holy Bible**

_"Hi."_

_"It's you again!"_

_"Why are you afraid of me?"_

_"Because you're telling me everyone's going to die and that there's a traitor near me!"_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"What are you?"_

_"I'm just someone worried about my brother."_

_"Why can't you talk to him? Why are you appearing before me?"_

_"I talk to him all the time, in his dreams. He usually doesn't remember."_

_"But why me?"_

_"Because you always remember."_

_"Remember what?"_

_"Your dreams. Your nightmares. Your friends. Your losses. All the people who sacrificed for you, and everyone you've sacrificed for."_

_"Stay away from me, you-"_

_"You don't even know my name, do you?"_

_Silence.  
_

_"Do you know my name, girl?"_

_"You're Kira Yamato. Hero of the Bloody Valentine War, with a repressed Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder that became so strong it began tearing you apart after the war was over."_

_"What are you? Who are you?"_

_"You can call me Mayu. I am my brother's angel."_

_"What kind of angel?"_

_"Whatever kind of angel he needs me to be. An angel of hope and healing . . . or death and destruction."_

_And then he saw. And then he screamed.

* * *

_

Kira's environment had changed, from a realm of perpetual blackness to his bedroom ceiling, but he could almost see the bleeding girl, with her crushed midsection, blood continuously spilling from it.

"KIRA! Kira, what's wrong?"

Lacus was already there, in front of him. She had climbed into the bed. Her eyes were panicked and alarmed, and on the verge of tears.

Kira could barely speak. "B-B-Blood everyw-w-w-where," he managed to stammer out.

"It's okay, it's okay!"

Lacus embraced him and held his violently shaking body with all of her strength. "It's okay, it's okay, it's okay," she said over and over, as she gripped him tighter and tighter, like Kira would fall away forever if she let go.

Kira couldn't get the girl out of his mind. No matter how comforting Lacus became. He saw the blood beginning to spill out of the girl's mouth, the shattered abdomen, the dark circles around her dead eyes. The girl _was_ no angel. It was a poltergeist, a demon, a monster, whatever she was. Whatever this Mayu was, she was only there to haunt him, to scare him. She was something he had to be conjuring, like Lacus had said.

He realized how desperately tight Lacus was holding him, and by the tone of her voice she sounded just as shaken as he was. In fact, she was more shaken than even him, in a different way.

_She's crying for me,_ Kira thought as he stared into Lacus' mussed pink hair. He managed to wrap his trembling arms around her and held her just as tight.

He was surprised at how firm and strong she felt. Almost athletic. It seemed like only yesterday when Lacus was a thin, almost-frail pop princess. When had that changed? He couldn't remember.

And he knew why she had changed. Why she had become stronger. _Because I can't._

She had transformed herself for him.

And that hurt him even more than seeing the girl with blood pouring from her crushed stomach. Because he was weak. Because he was succumbing to nightmares, whether old ones that had been haunting him for years or new ones revealing themselves now. How long before she couldn't get any stronger, before she reached her limit? How long would it be before she gave up on him?

_I have to fight this. I need to get stronger. Before I break Lacus._

He held her even tighter, and didn't let go. _I won't lose you, Lacus. If you leave, I . . . I don't know how long I would last._

It took him a while to realize Lacus, completely exhausted, had fallen asleep in his arms. Kira sighed as he realized that the soft words she was mumbling to him was in her sleep. Even when she was so exhausted that she could no longer stay awake, he came first and foremost to her.

_I don't deserve you, Lacus._

He kissed her softly on the cheek, and the loop of comforting words ceased as she sighed and fell silent.

_I love you. And I'll get stronger for you. I'll fight these nightmares, Lacus. I'll stay away from the girl. I won't think of myself as a monster. I'll do everything I can. Just stay by me. Please._

He leaned back into bed, still holding Lacus close to him. _Everything will be better soon. I swear it.

* * *

_

Athrun saw Cagalli as he stepped out of the Strike Rogue cockpit, and he couldn't help but smile. Even with so much beginning to happen, she still managed to be resolute, in control. That was something he admired about her. Cagalli probably wasn't here to see him, so his cover wasn't blown, but Athrun wasn't sure how much that mattered. Both the top heads of state for the Earth Alliance _and_ the ZAFT knew who he was, now. And inevitably, the news would leak that Alex Dino was in fact Athrun Zala.

Athrun wondered what would happen from there. How would people react? To a lot of ZAFT citizens Athrun was little better than a traitor. The Orb were primarily Naturals, and they would be in an uproar over Cagalli being engaged to a Coordinator. Yes, Cagalli would try to appeal for calm and tolerance, but she wasn't the leader of the country yet. The Sierans were, and they were skilled at playing politics.

There wasn't much he could do for now. He simply had to sit back and wait for the inevitable.

Cagalli was shaking hands with the surviving Orb pilots, thanking them for their deeds today. She seemed to be smiling brightly, but at this distance Athrun couldn't tell whether it was forced or not. Athrun _had_ managed to bring most of the pilots back to the ship, so she was glad about that, but there _was_ casualties, even though the Orb forces had never encountered a GUNDAM.

He climbed out of the Strike Rogue and walked towards Cagalli. He had so many things he wanted to say to her right now, but he knew they would have to wait. Before they were in private.

Cagalli spotted him and turned to him, and her smile changed to something honestly grateful and happy. "Commander Dino," she said, "Thank you so much."

"You're welcome, Princess." It had taken Athrun everything he had to not call her "Cagalli".

"Please come with me, Commander Dino. I want to be debriefed on what happened out there."

She led him down the hangar as briskly as she could without drawing too many suspicious glances. Athrun could sense the bubbling emotions in her, and he nearly choked on his own. Somehow, they had managed to accomplish a great thing. Granted, this meant that the _Kusanagi_ had landed on Earth, and was floating over the Pacific Ocean, but they had prevented the destruction of the Earth. Again.

_I hope that's the last time people try to destroy the Earth. Saving it a second time, so soon after Jachin Doe, is too much._

Cagalli found the door to dressing room, and after letting Athrun walk inside, she shut the door herself.

Athrun tried to speak. "Listen, Cagalli-"

She spun him around and kissed him passionately. The kiss was held for several seconds before Cagalli separated herself, and then she locked Athrun in a tight embrace.

"Thank you," she whispered. "You brought nearly all of them home, Athrun. You brought nearly all of them home and helped save the Earth again. Thank you."

Athrun sensed tears in the final words and held her tight. "I did my best," he said softly.

"Thank you," she whispered again.

They remained locked together in the tight embrace for several minutes, hours, maybe even days. It didn't much matter, for when they had separated, the _Kusanagi_ was already approaching the Orb capital, and it would be time to meet the Sierans.

Which was something Athrun wasn't looking forward to at _all_.

* * *

Shinn had stayed locked in his room the whole time, hugging Mayu's bear with a grip strong enough enough to break bones. The burned, blackened bear didn't break, though. As long as this final enduring remnant of Mayu didn't break, he _wouldn't_. He _couldn't_. He couldn't break down yet.

What he had faced after entering the _Minerva's_ hangar had been horrifying. Not very long after delivering the _Impulse_ to the _Minerva_ was the pilot dragged out of the cockpit and shot like a dog. Why? Why did they need to kill the pilot? Wasn't the pilot a prisoner? What made it so right to shoot a prisoner? Why?

Why, why, why?

Shinn knew he couldn't stay here any longer. If he did he would lose it. He truly didn't belong here. He didn't have any real friends here. Sure, Vino and Yolant liked to joke around with him but they weren't close. Lunamaria seemed to make it her purpose in life to make him miserable. And Rey . . . there was no way to tell. Rey za Burrel had been treating him differently since what happened to Lunamaria a short time ago, and Shinn had a feeling that Rey somehow _knew_ about his plans to defect.

The thought of what might happen to him terrified him to the core. The ZAFT had no problems with executing deserters and traitors. The death penalty was still awaiting Athrun Zala when he was caught, regardless of his action to protect the world as part of the Three Ships Alliance.

If Athrun Zala would die upon being discovered on ZAFT territory, there would be no mercy for Shinn Asuka if he was caught.

Suddenly there was a knock on his door. Shinn jumped and audibly gasped. He gripped the bear tighter and tighter, praying it wasn't some military policeman coming to get him. He didn't want to die yet! He didn't want to die. If he died, Stellar would be heartbroken. But he would also get angry. The sight of what had happened to his old Zaku back in the PLANT haunted him. There would be nothing holding Stellar back from attempting to wipe out every single ZAFT person on this ship if he died.

"Shinn?" It was the voice of Meyrin Hawke. She was the liaison between the _Minerva_ and the Mobile Suit pilots.

Shinn calmed down. Meyrin didn't seem to want to be his enemy, at least. She didn't treat him like a lesser individual the same way most Coordinators did. Of all the people to come to turn him in, Meyrin would be the least likely of them all.

He set Mayu's bear down and walked towards the door. He tried to make himself more presentable, wiping his eyes and taking deep breaths to calm down. But he knew he wouldn't fool Meyrin. The moment she saw him, she would . . .

He opened the door, and Meyrin's eyes seemed to widen, just a little bit.

"Wow," she said. "You look like a wreck."

"It's all right. I'm fine."

Meyrin smiled softly. "You could always go to the captain if you need to cry. She's very comforting and firm. Always makes you feel better after a while."

"I _said_ I'm fine. I don't need anyone's pity."

"I'm not pitying you."

Shinn stared.

"Look," Meyrin said. "I think you just need to get outside. The captain's allowing us to leave the ship for a while and walk around the capital and suburbs. Didn't you say you used to live here?"

"I did. I was born here, but not on this particular island."

"That's good enough," Meyrin chuckled. "I know nothing about Orb. I wouldn't mind you giving me a tour around, even if we get lost."

"I really don't want to walk around outside-"

"Oh come on, Shinn!" She pulled him out of the room. "Right now, we're heroes! We stopped the end of the world! That isn't going to last forever. We should enjoy ourselves, even if it's just for a little while."

Shinn saw there was no way she would be dissuaded. So he decided to delay it for as long as possible. He didn't want to venture outside, not here of all places,. He just wanted to be in his room. But, if he was going to be dragged around the city by Meyrin, maybe he could make arrangements for a meeting with a certain someone.

"All right, I'll go. But let me make a phone call. Is that all right?"

"Yeah, that's fine with me!" She laughed.

But then she looked melancholy. "It's that Earth pilot, isn't it?"

Shinn gulped.

She sighed. "It's all right. Just never figured you for the athletic type, that's all."

She turned and left.

_Damn it, Shinn. Now you've hurt her feelings now, too! It's already bad enough that . . . that . . . _

He shook the thoughts out of his head.

_Right now, there's no choice. I have to get out of here. Rey probably knows what I'm doing. If I don't get out of here now I'm gonna die!_

He ran to the videophone, and made his call.

* * *

"_Cagalli_! Cagalli, I'm so glad you're safe!"

Athrun knew who the identity of that voice without even thinking about it. _Yuna._

Yuna was a tall man in his early twenties who had a habit of dying his hair violet. He was charismatic, stylish, effeminate . . . and, in Athrun's opinion, a complete idiot.

Yuna smothered the shorter Cagalli in a bear hug that almost made Athrun punch the guy's lights out by instinct. But he managed to restrain himself. _Barely_. These people were going to be his family-in-law soon whether he liked it or not. It would not go over well if the first thing Athrun did after surviving the Junius Seven near-disaster was punch Yuna.

But Athrun found out he had hit Yuna hard anyway without lifting a finger. Yuna had a puzzled look on his face, and he said "Cagalli, there's something _odd_ about your hand . . ."

Before Cagalli or Athrun could stop him, he inspected Cagalli's hand, and saw the ring. He stared at it for several long seconds, his eyes slowly widening until Athrun thought Yuna's eyes would pop out of his sockets.

"Who . . . who gave you this?" Yuna finally spat out, still dumbstruck.

"Wouldn't you like to know, Yuna," Cagalli said, her voice viciously teasing.

"I demand to know. Who are you seeing, Cagalli? Who proposed to you? Who?"

Mercifully, Yuna's father, the Orb Prime Minister, Unato Ema Seiran, finally showed up. He was a balding man in his fifties, what was left of his hair was snow-white and he was beginning to show a gut. His eyes were obscured behind sunglasses. Unlike his son, Unato didn't show off. He was calculating, cautious, and intelligent. Athrun respected Unato, but he didn't _like_ him any more than Yuna.

"Control yourself, Yuna! Cagalli's free to marry whoever she likes. She's the princess," Unato said.

"But Father-"

"Yuna, drop it."

Pause.

"Yes, Father."

"And give Cagalli some space."

"Yes, Father."

On second thought, maybe Athrun _did_ like Unato more than Yuna.

Yuna backed off, and Athrun caught a quick glare in his direction. Athrun pretended not to notice. He didn't want to make it _too_ obvious he was Cagalli's fiance`.

"Uncle," Cagalli said, as she regained her composure, "I'm sorry for being absent at this time. I was helping the assault on Junius Seven to prevent its fall towards the Earth."

"I know. You, Admiral Kisaka, and the Astray pilots helped make it possible. I'm glad that through it all you made it home safely, Cagalli."

Unato looked at Athrun then. "Is _he_ your only surviving bodyguard?"

"Yes, Prime Minister, I am," Athrun said softly.

Unato smiled. "You have better talent at survival than I thought, Athrun Zala."

Athrun had forgotten his identity was somewhat common knowledge around the Seirans. It was only to the Orb public, and foreigners, that he was "Alex Dino".

"Thank you, Prime Minister. I did my best to protect Cagalli," Athrun said.

Cagalli interjected then. "Listen to me, Uncle. We know some minor shards of Junius Seven were able to escape us before we could shoot them down. Have there been any reports of serious damage?"

"No, not at this time. It looks like the majority of the shards landed in the ocean. There is some damage elsewhere in the world, but overall deaths and destruction are limited."

"I see," Cagalli said softly. "I'm glad. It could have been a lot worse."

"I know," Unato said. "But we can discuss this more at the administration office. We also need to greet the ZAFT and Earth Alliance dignitaries. After all, they helped destroy Junius Seven as well."

"Yes, Uncle." Cagalli smiled warmly, but Athrun could tell the smile was false. She had something on her mind. Something _big_.

"Uncle," Cagalli finally said. "I heard that the Earth Alliance finally-"

"Cagalli, we should talk about this in private." Unato stared at Athrun _and_ his son. The implication was obvious. _You both should leave_.

"Understood," Athrun said. He was disappointed. He had wanted to be by Cagalli a little while longer, he wanted to explain _he_ was the person who had given Cagalli that ring, that they would soon wed, that they were in love . . .

"Don't worry, Athrun," Cagalli said. "Go out into the country. Go see how Kira and Lacus are doing."

_Kira and Lacus_, Athrun thought dumbly. _Oh, wait! I didn't call them and tell them we were all right! Damn it! I hope that a personal visit makes up for it . . ._

"That sounds like a good idea, Cagalli. Thanks."

Athrun turned around and walked away, trying to drown out the sounds of Yuna whining to Unato about not being privy to administrative meetings.

_Lacus, Kira. I wonder how you two are doing. I hope Kira hasn't had any bad nightmares this time . . . _

He didn't understand why _Kira_ was the one sporting the mental war wounds and _he_ wasn't. Everyone had gone their separate ways across the Orb Union after the war, but unlike most everyone else, who was hiding in Orb as wanted fugitives with some exceptions, Kira and Lacus weren't working for Morgenroete. They were living by themselves on a lonely road. It took some time to reach them. They weren't visited that often.

Athrun knew it was worth his time. If only to see Kira again . . .

_Yeah. I should really see you again, Kira. To tell you of the changes we made together. To this world, and to everyone in it.

* * *

_

Gilbert Durandal looked frustrated. Talia Gladys wasn't surprised at this at all. She knew Durandal well enough that the man was good at suppressing external emotions. However, when he couldn't hold his emotions in check anymore, there was going to be hell to pay.

And right now his anger was directed at the Earth Alliance. There was an obvious reason why: _they_ had three of the GUNDAM machines the ZAFT had developed. And the Earth Alliance wasn't giving any of them up.

Talia wasn't surprised by that. After three years, new GUNDAMs had been developed, but this time it was the ZAFT who had made them. And, in an eerie parallel to the last war, they had been stolen, and the majority of them were in the hands of a different power. Only two had been recovered.

Talia supposed it was an improvement over the Earth Alliance having their GUNDAMs hijacked during the Bloody Valentine War, where all but one GUNDAM went into the hands of the ZAFT. But still, this was not only politically embarrassing, but state secrets were soon going to be common knowledge to the Earth Alliance.

They would know how all of the new GUNDAMs worked and what it took to pilot them. Because they were built for Coordinators, though, Talia doubted the Earth Alliance would try to do anything to the operating systems to make them usable for Naturals. A quicker fix, especially if they expected combat to happen soon, would be to put Slants at the controls and hope for the best.

Talia knew that the _Leighton Abrams_ had a cadre of Slant pilots. One of them had been briefly based here after the chaos of the hijacking. If the Earth Alliance would fight a shootout to keep its GUNDAMs they _would_ use the Slants. They were only 50% Coordinator but they were close enough to be able to use a Coordinator-built OS. The young Slant pilot based on her ship, Shinn Asuka, was proof of that.

"So Chairman," Talia said finally, "How are we going to handle this? The ZAFT have the GUNDAM machines."

"I don't know. But they are in possession of ZAFT property. I'm willing to give them forty-eight hours. If they do not relinquish the GUNDAM machines within that timeframe I will consider it military theft and an act of war."

Talia stared. _You're really willing to fight a war for three machines?_

Durandal looked at her as if he had read her thoughts. "I know. But I have received many calls from the Council. The citizens are growing infuriated with the news. They want us to strike to get the GUNDAMs back."

"Really." Talia wasn't convinced at all.

Durandal sighed. "A lot of ZAFT citizens don't want a war but they don't want the Earth Alliance and the Orb to push us around. Plus, there is a rumor that the _Earth Alliance_ hijacked our machines to begin with. We're doing our best to disprove the rumors but they have become widespread."

_I wonder who would be stupid or opportunistic enough to do that,_ Talia thought. She thought she knew the culprit. Durandal was a sly politician. He would try to seize and channel the citizens so he would have popular support to fight a war so he could get his precious machines back.

But then Durandal dropped a bombshell. He chuckled briefly and sarcastically before saying "I've taken a major blow in the polls over my handling over this. A lot of people are wondering why I bothered to destroy Junius Seven and save the Earth when the rumor is that the Earth Alliance took my Mobile Suits from the start. They're seeing me as weak, fumbling, and tired."

Talia raised an eyebrow. _The chairman wouldn't do anything to hurt his political capital. He values power too much even if he won't admit it. So this means he has a rival somewhere in the ZAFT inner circle. But who? I wonder if Ezalia Joule had a contact within the Supreme Council._

Durandal said "If I don't do something to get those GUNDAMs back the unrest will spread to open rebellion. That's why it's important I head back to the PLANTs as soon as possible."

"And what will you do, Chairman, once you get back?"

Durandal smiled. "I have a plan. It involves some political dirty tricks, but it may keep the people calmed down enough to buy me some time to find a peaceful resolution to this crisis and get our GUNDAMs back without a fight."

_Political dirty tricks? I wonder what he has in store. If the people are as livid as he is saying if he gets caught using questionable tactics it could blow up in his face._

"My only interests are in peace, Captain Gladys," Durandal said softly. "You know that. We may not have spoken for a while until this crisis but you _do_ know that. The last thing we all need is another war."

"You're right, Chairman." Talia refused to soften her tone for him. If she did that, she might . . .

"The Orb have arranged a small plane on their Mass Driver for me. After some pleasantries with the current Prime Minister I will be leaving tonight. Please find pilots for the Saviour and the Impulse in the case of a surprise attack."

"That sounds like a good idea. I'll go through a list of pilots that survived the last confrontation and assign the two best possible."

"Oh, and by the way," Durandal said offhand as he got up to leave for the door.

"What?" Talia said impatiently.

"I believe the Slant pilot, Shinn Asuka, may be considering defection. I suggest you send a team to track him down before he does so."

_How does he know that and I didn't? Should I believe him? How does he even know the pilot's name?_ Talia thought in a rush.

"Good luck to you, Captain Gladys." And then he was gone.

Talia folded her arms and rested her head on her hands. _Damn it. Durandal knew Asuka's name. This means he probably _is_ right about Ensign Asuka. It doesn't surprise me. The pilots haven't been treating him with much respect._

She got up then.

_I'll have to dissuade him personally. I've barely talked with him, but if I can convince him that _I_ care for his well-being at least it might mollify him, at least a little. It'll be better than sending combat troops to run him down._

Shinn Asuka was a special pilot according to the dossier. A Slant who was able to operate a Coordinator OS. And he was a good pilot, albeit a moody one. _He_ could pilot one of those GUNDAMs, probably.

_There. I have an incentive for him to stay. He stays here, he gets a GUNDAM. It won't make me popular among the "Coordinators are superior" group but the last thing I need is a defection. If Asuka goes through with this it'll only make the situation with the Earth Alliance messier._

_'Course, if Shinn defects with a GUNDAM, it'll make my life more difficult. But I think a mixture of carrots and sticks will make him give up whatever crazy ideas he has._

She walked out of the bridge, and headed for the cafeteria. She wanted the situation to be secretive. She would need to find out Asuka's whereabouts _and_ put Arthur Trine in charge of the _Minerva_ while she went out. The Orb weren't due to meet her for a few hours anyway. She had time to search for him and track the kid down before he did something stupid.

And there was no doubt on Talia's mind that if she let the situation fester, the kid _would_ do something stupid. And if he did . . . there would be nothing that could be done to prevent another war.

And that was the last thing Talia Gladys wanted.


	17. Chapter 17

moonlove: The reason why I'm updating so fast is because I'm playing catchup. I've posted 32 chapters of the story elsewhere. XD I'll keep trying to upload as much as I can, FanFiction is getting the improved version with all of my spelling fails fixed and some mildly tweaked scenes and sentences.

* * *

**Chapter Seventeen: Aftershocks **

_God does not roll dice._  
-Albert Einstein

He had never walked these streets before. But something about them seemed so familiar to Shinn Asuka, as he peered down the alleys, as he looked at the storefronts, as he saw outcasts weave among the happy, well-to-do people, trying to scrape a living.

_Not that long ago,_ he thought, _I used to live like them_.

"Is something wrong, Shinn?"

Shinn turned to Meyrin. She had been trying to cheer him up the whole time. She had been friendly, laughing, trying to get him involved and distracted, and now she was making Shinn wonder about her.

_I can't help but get the feeling she was planted here to distract me._ The thought was ridiculous, as Meyrin was too low-ranked to get even a whiff out of any intelligence reports.

"Look, Shinn, this isn't a date. It's just a walk around town between friends," Meyrin said.

"I'm a friend now?" Shinn asked.

"Yes," she said firmly. "You are a friend. _I_ consider you a friend at least. I know you have a rough time of it because you're a Slant, but I don't play genetics the way a lot of people, including my sister, do."

"Gee, thanks," Shinn muttered.

Meyrin put her hands on her hips and looked at him oddly. "You really should be more sociable, Shinn," she said. "Maybe you'd make more friends."

"Right now, I don't-" And then he saw her.

She was wearing civilian clothes, like they had arranged. And she had brought her friends with her, too, also in civilian clothes.

Shinn smiled. Just as planned.

Only thing that wasn't according to plan was on his end. Meyrin.

She'd be easy enough to lose, though. It would take only a small effort to get her looking the other way.

And even if he couldn't it wouldn't take much for Meyrin to be knocked out of the way. She was going to be part of the past soon. Stellar was going to be part of the future. Or _the_ future.

Stellar removed her baseball cap, her signal for him to come over. It would take only a few footsteps, and the ZAFT would be left behind.

Life would still be hard, Shinn knew that. Slants were barely more accepted with the Earth Alliance than in the ZAFT. But Stellar would make life sweeter and more rewarding. It beat trying to get revenge for Mayu, something he could never achieve. He couldn't let that rule his life anymore.

And he still had his memories of Mayu. His wonderful little sister. She would still be important but now he could make new memories he could treasure. She was probably watching over him. That was why he was still alive. And once he was with-

Meyrin grabbed his arm.

Shinn turned.

Meyrin's eyes were steely. "You're going to leave, aren't you?"

Shinn's eyes widened.

"I thought so," Meyrin said softly. She looked away, closed her eyes for a moment, and looked at Shinn again. "Why?"

Shinn discovered he couldn't speak. He tried to make a sound, but nothing came out of his mouth. His throat was so constricted with sheer terror and panic he could barely even breathe.

He heard footsteps from behind him. Stellar and her friends. This was going to make a bad situation even worse. He flinched as the footsteps came close. This was going to be ugly.

Meyrin's eyes became watery. "Why, Shinn?"

Surprisingly, it wasn't Shinn or Stellar who spoke next. It was Sting Oakley. "Who's this, Shinn?"

Finally, Shinn rediscovered his voice, but it was hollow. "This is Meyrin Hawke. She works in communications."

Meyrin looked at the three Earth Alliance pilots, and sighed softly. "You are Shinn's girlfriend, aren't you? Stellar's your name, right?"

"Yes," Stellar said softly.

Meyrin forced a smile to her face despite the tears leaking from her eyes. "You look like someone Shinn would like. No wonder he's switching sides."

Stellar said "You can come with us, if you want."

Meyrin froze for a second, her eyes widening. "You'd really bring me with?"

"Do you want to leave too? I have room for one more passenger," Stellar said, and she offered her hand to Meyrin. "I'll make sure nothing happens to you. If you are a friend of Shinn you're a friend to me too."

The looks on Sting's and Auel's faces suggested they disagreed with Stellar's approach. But it would be the least noticeable way. But would Meyrin actually defect too? What would she gain by doing that? Wouldn't she lose more by leaving than staying?

And Meyrin seemed to realize that. She looked away. "No, I can't. My sister would never forgive me if I did that."

Stellar's hand retracted. "If you ever want to leave I _will_ come for you," she said.

Meyrin turned around, her shoulders shaking. She was obviously crying now. "Shinn, I hope you're happy with her," she managed.

"Meyrin," Shinn said, in a vain attempt to stop her. It hadn't occurred to him that she genuinely wanted to be his friend. "Please, you can come with us."

Meyrin looked at Shinn, tears streaking down her face. "I can't, Shinn. I can't throw everything away for _you_, not when your heart belongs to someone else."

Shinn's eyes widened. _Wait, what?_

"Goodbye, Shinn." Then Meyrin ran off and vanished into the surrounding crowd in seconds.

Shinn stared at Meyrin as she vanished, in complete shock. _Did she like me? What did I do to deserve that? I was alone at the ZAFT. Why would she care about me?_

Shinn felt Stellar's hand on his shoulder, and Shinn turned and looked at Stellar.

Stellar had a warm smile across her face. "Let's go, Shinn. I'm sorry about her, she looks like a great girl, someone I'd want to know."

"Yeah, I guess." _Now I wish I had gotten to know her too,_ Shinn thought.

But then an entirely new voice entered the conversation. To his horror, Shinn recognized the voice too. "I'm sorry, but I can't let Shinn Asuka go so easily."

Shinn turned around and saw his captain, Talia Gladys, standing literally where Meyrin had vanished, in civilian clothes but no less recognizible.

Talia removed the sunglasses she was wearing and stared directly at the Earth Alliance pilots. "Shinn, you have no idea the mistake you're making."

"I'm not making a mistake," Shinn said. "I'm leaving to be with the girl I love!"

"Your feelings are blinding you, and the girl for that matter, to the greater truth," Talia said simply. She took a couple of steps forward, and her eyes became steely. "You leave, Shinn Asuka, and you will be the spark that ignites a whole powderkeg."

Shinn stared. What did she mean by that?

Stellar and her friends seemed to want to know too. They hadn't drawn guns yet but they were definitely ready to do so.

Talia sighed. "Shinn, there's a lot you don't know, so this is going to be lengthy. But I hope you understand, and I have a reward for you if you choose not to make the situation explode."

"What reward?" Stellar asked, her right hand steadily inching towards her holstered pistol.

"The reward is once in a lifetime," Talia said. She smiled. "How would you like to make GUNDAM Impulse yours, Shinn Asuka?"

Shinn's mouth fell open.

* * *

Athrun sighed as he walked down the dirt road, and stared at the church-sized schoolhouse in front of him. He had been there for a few times the last three years. It was a quiet, out-of-the-way area just an hour out from the current Orb capital. It was a shame Cagalli couldn't come along. When was the last time she had seen her twin brother?

A few months? Maybe even a year?

Far too long.

The countryside was peaceful, though. A small two-lane road with grasslands and farms on both sides. This island was fairly temperate by Orb standards. It made for comfortable living, though it never got cold enough to snow.

The orphanage came in sight. It looked a little bigger since Athrun had last seen it, maybe they had added on an extra room. Athrun smiled inwardly. It would be great to see them again, Kira, Lacus. Hopefully the events of the last couple of days hadn't been _too_ traumatizing for Kira.

Athrun sighed. Kira probably hadn't taken the recent events so well. After all, Cagalli had been in danger during virtually all of it. It was only recently since they had managed to get to safety.

This probably wasn't going to be the last conflagration for a while either. It was public knowledge now. The Earth Alliance had three ZAFT GUNDAM machines that failed to meet treaty standards, and ZAFT had held onto two others. ZAFT wanted the machines back. The EA wasn't going to comply, not immediately anyway.

And Orb was going to be caught in the middle _again_.

Unless they chose a side.

And that seemed likely this time. Neither Cagalli or Unato Sieran were stupid. If they were neutral they were just going to be dragged into things all over again. They had been lucky to escape with their country's survival _once_. How lucky would they be again?

The previous escape had to have been one in a million. There was no way Orb would manage another miracle like that.

Not unless they had a trick up their sleeves that Athrun didn't know about.

But what did it matter? He had come here to shove those thoughts of his head. The problems of the world didn't matter out here.

Only the problems of Kira.

Athrun pulled up to the side of the road, and looked to his right. It was a beautiful day, yet no one was outside.

_Wait, this is a school day. Crap, I arrived too early. I'll just be a disruption if I walk inside now._

Athrun laid his head to rest on the steering wheel. He had forgotten today was a weekday. Just because _he_ didn't have to worry about school didn't mean that was true for Lacus and Kira. They were the teachers here!

Lacus could actually qualify as a teacher, when it came to arts, literature, and languages. Especially languages. She had mastered several languages and could teach them all with minimal issues. Heck, she could even sound like a natural speaker of English, Latin, and Japanese, her diction was so crisp and clear with those three.

Kira . . . not so much. Though he was reportedly getting better. He _did_ have an amazing tutor, though. Plus Kira had math skills that were the envy of the academy back when he and Athrun were kids.

Athrun wished he knew languages the same way Lacus and Kira did. Cagalli knew several as well but that didn't mean she actually had time to _teach_ Athrun that. Athrun was basically trying to get along with what he had learned in school before becoming a soldier. It wasn't bad by any standards but not perfect either.

He looked up at the sky, and then at the building again.

_Oh, what the hell._

Knowing his luck, when the kids were out of class Cagalli was going to give him a call and say the world was ending soon and she needed him. And all of this would have been a waste.

He got out of the car, locked it, and trudged towards the large house-like structure. All right, it wasn't _huge_ on second glance but it was a pretty decent size. It could definitely fit all of the kids who were living in there.

Now that he looked around, actually, the surroundings were pretty dazzling. Like there was something pure about this place.

It seemed to fit the orphanage nicely.

He walked up to the door and discovered it was unlocked. Athrun wondered why the orphanage was so _trusting_. Who said some bastard wouldn't charge in here and gun down everyone?

But then again who would come? No one knew Kira and Lacus were here. Not outside the survivors of the Three Ships Alliance.

If anyone would come to kill them, it would have to be a traitor.

The survivors of the TSA weren't as close-knit as they had once been but Athrun doubted any of them had lost their way. All of them had chosen Orb as a refuge, and Orb was a good place to live. It was free of the biases that dominated both the EA and the ZAFT.

Or, perhaps, Orb had an entirely different set of biases.

Athrun carefully opened the door a crack, and hoped that he wouldn't be faced with some kind of defense system. When nothing happened, Athrun breathed a sigh of relief and opened the door all the way.

That was when a weight came on his head, water showered all over him, and his eyesight became nothing but black.

Athrun stumbled around in a surprised daze muttering and yelling gibberish before he found a wall and collapsed next to it, fumbling with the wet, plastic _thing_ that had come down on his head.

He realized what had happened the moment he heard kids giggling.

"Oh man! Miss Lacus, Miss Lacus! It worked! I got an intruder!" a boy's voice yelled.

"Fletcher, what did you do _now_?" That was Lacus, putting on the best "stern teacher" voice she had.

Athrun took the green bucket off of his head and laid it aside, and found himself surrounded by kids.

_Great. I helped save the world _again_ and I've just been defeated by _kids, Athrun thought.

Lacus pushed her way through the kids and sighed. "Athrun, of all of the people who I expected to fall for one of Fletcher's traps you were at the bottom of the list."

It took a moment for Athrun to place the language Lacus was using. _Oh wait, Spanish,_ Athrun thought. _Might as well play along._

Unfortunately, his Spanish was rusty, so he wound up talking like this: "Door unlocked. Saw no trouble. World gone black and wet."

The kids laughed.

Lacus hushed them and then shook her head, and reverted to her natural tongue. "Athrun, can we talk later? I'm trying to teach a class and _you're_ the disruption."

"Right," Athrun said, as he felt his face turn red.

Lacus ushered the kids down the hall and back into the classroom, leaving Athrun to stew in his embarrassment. Not only had he been beaten physically by a _bucket_ but he had been defeated mentally as well, outsmarted by Lacus _and_ a bratty kid.

This was not going to be a good visit.

* * *

Gilbert Durandal was a shrewd man. He knew what situation he was in. The negotiations to get the GUNDAMs back would require tenacity but also a delicate touch. He knew how sick the ZAFT were of war, but if getting the GUNDAMs back meant war, he had to make it seem that the ZAFT were the good guys.

Never mind that it was the _ZAFT_ that had violated the Junius Seven Treaty the most severely.

In that sense, all of the parties were in the wrong. All of them, even the supposedly pacifistic Orb, had violated the terms and conditions by making new Mobile Suit models.

Of course, the ZAFT had done the most obscene violation by building the GUNDAMs. There was a lot of blame to go around and Gilbert was going to receive a lot of it. And there was no question that Gilbert deserved some of it. He had committed many mistakes and this was the current result.

But not the _end_ result.

This wasn't over, not by a long shot.

There was some things he could not do. But those things someone _else_ could do.

"Having fun yet, Chairman?" asked a deep female voice to his right.

Gilbert sighed and looked in the woman's direction. He smiled wryly. "The dosages of venom given by the public and the Supreme Council are _quite_ pleasant, I assure you."

"I'll pass."

Gilbert's smile faded. "I'm going to need you to regain some ground lost."

"You mean we want to look like the good guys in case the Earth Alliance doesn't give you what you want," the woman said, chuckling.

Did she have to be so _blunt_? She was politically astute, a necessity, but she didn't need to word things so Gilbert sounded like a spoiled brat who had toys stolen from him.

The woman stepped out from the shadow, revealing herself. She had been an action movie star before the Bloody Valentine War, who played great, athletic heroines who could not only save the PLANTs but the Earth as well. She had fallen on hard times since the war, as the public had no appetite for action or war films. Or, she would have if she didn't have _other_ identities to become.

The great power of the woman was her genetic version of Method acting. Few knew she took on the identity of another actress, one slimmer and innocent, who typically played a gentle and kind damsel that needed to be rescued by the hero. And she could become a different actress, a young girl who could become adorable or creepy as the role suggested.

And still others. The ZAFT public never knew that six movie stars were the exact same person.

And recently, she had taken on a seventh form as well.

She had forgotten her real name, and her real form, considering she only worked under an alias. The name she went by the most, though, was the identity of her action heroine actress.

Meer Campbell.

Meer liked appearing in her action heroine form the most. She liked the physical power and confidence of it. She had styled, wavy brown hair cut in a wild yet tasteful look, deep blue eyes, and brown skin that suggested a Hispanic ancestry. She looked exotic, beautiful, and strong. And absolutely fearless.

Too bad for her, then, that Gilbert had no use for Meer's favorite form, not unless he was facing down an assassination attempt.

Gilbert walked over and handed Meer a sheet. "No time for your games," he said. "And remember the recordings you've watched. You're going to need them."

Meer sighed. "I hate this girl," she said.

"I don't care. This is what you are being paid to do. I could have gone to a much _cheaper_ alternative than you but you're the one my advisers suggested. Because you _never_ make a mistake."

Meer chuckled softly. Her voice was smoky but smooth, attractive and sultry. Gilbert knew why so many men had fallen heads over heels for Meer despite her feminist ideals and appearance.

"You're right," Meer said. "I don't."

Then Meer shifted. In seconds, her hands and arms became pale and slim. Her hair extended and straightened, becoming straight and pink. She lost several inches in height, and her face became innocent and gentle.

A few seconds after shuddering away the last vestiges of her favorite self, Meer opened her eyes. The only thing that gave her away as _not_ being her new identity was the smug look on her face, something easily remedied by her acting style.

Her voice, though, was perfect. Soft and gentle, yet with a hidden power that could captivate people.

Meer spoke. "What would you have Lacus Clyne do, Chairman?"

Gilbert smiled inwardly. "Memorize this," Gilbert said, pointing at the sheet. "Perform it tomorrow deep from your heart."

"I will, Chairman," the perfect imitation of Lacus Clyne replied.

No, that wasn't quite right.

She was his own personal, private Lacus Clyne.

And she would make the ZAFT people do what Gilbert Durandal couldn't.

Listen to his message.


	18. Chapter 18

When I originally wrote this chapter, it was even more overwrought than it is here. I really wanted to show a character's issues, and what he can do on sheer impulse. And no, this isn't Shinn I'm discussing here.

Whether I succeeded with this or not is entirely up to you. Be sure to let me what you think about this. **  


* * *

**

**Chapter Eighteen: Reason **

_When first we met we did not guess  
That Love would prove so hard a master;  
Of more than common friendliness  
When first we met we did not guess.  
Who could fortell this sore distress,  
This irretrievable disaster  
When first we met - We did not guess  
That Love would prove so hard a master. _  
-Robert Bridges, _**Triolet**_

Had he made the right decision?

Had he made the peaceful choice?

Had he made the selfish choice?

Had he lost his only chance to be with whom he loved?

Had he chosen his love, would he have died back there?

These questions rumbled through Shinn Asuka's mind as Talia Gladys drove him through the Orb city towards the harbor. The _Minerva_ was being repaired there, it had taken minor scrapes from the battles in space and then re-entry. It was also being reinforced with more pilots and Zakus to make up for casualties lost. The other ZAFT ship, the _Charles Darwin_, was also at the base being reinforced. It seemed to be designated at the _Minerva_'s escort.

Talia finally spoke. "You made the right decision, Ensign."

"You were going to shoot me."

Talia sighed. "If I let you walk away, I would be guilty of tolerating treason. That's just as bad as treason itself in the eyes of the ZAFT. The moment I encountered you my life was on the line."

"So you were going to kill me to keep your job."

Talia frowned. "Ensign, there are dozens of pilots available to fly _Impulse_. Many more qualified than you. But I gave the _Impulse_ to you not just to entice you away from defection."

"Then why?"

"Because maybe it'll show the Coordinators that maybe Slants need to be respected too."

Shinn pondered that for a little bit, and decided that Talia was just yanking his chain. He couldn't trust his captain, not after her finding out and stopping what he was going to do. What if this just some colossal trap, and instead of the _Impulse_ there was going to be a firing squad waiting for him?

Talia added "You're a talented young man. You're in need of direction, and _friends_, but your talent is incredible. You can pilot an OS built for Coordinators. Not only that, but pilot it _well_. You don't know it but ZAFT Slants look up to you, Ensign. You're a hero to them."

"And what's that supposed to mean?" Shinn asked.

"If you defected, just imagine how ZAFT Slants would react."

"There would be rebellion, wouldn't there? Riots?"

"You're not far off. You would gut the morale of every Slant in the PLANTs and military. Cut their hope. Drive it home that they can't have lives in the ZAFT. You would be a massive propaganda coup for the Earth Alliance. And many, many Slants would abandon the ZAFT and defect. And things would just continue to worsen from there, a domino effect."

Shinn sighed. "I'm no hero. Why would people consider me one?"

"Because you do what every Slant dreams to do but never has the opportunity to because the system is stacked against them," Talia said. "You are the dream of every wannabe Slant pilot in the ZAFT. You represent their goals. You are living proof that it's possible to become a pilot in the ZAFT if you're a Slant."

"Some role model I am," Shinn growled as he stared at the enlarging _Minerva_.

"You _are_ a role model. And by giving you a GUNDAM, I have given every Slant hope, instead of despair by letting you defect. You are a propaganda commodity, Ensign."

"You're no political officer, though," Shinn said.

"Who says I was doing it for politics?" Talia asked, a wry smile crossing her face. "I did it for all of the Slants in the military."

Shinn stared. "Are you secretly a Slant?"

"I am a pure Coordinator. But I know reality, Ensign. We were decimated in that war. We need every man and woman we can get ready to defend the PLANTs. You are a recruitment tool as well as a soldier, Ensign. And who knows, maybe, just maybe, we will have more Slants getting fair shots in the military and getting to showcase their own special talents," Talia said.

Shinn sighed. "What are you going to do about Meyrin?" he asked.

"Oh, she'll keep quiet. Meyrin saw me while she was running away. She knew I was going to intervene, and if I brought you back, there's no way she's going to let anyone know what you tried to do."

_I doubt it. Why would she do that? She has nothing to gain by doing that,_ Shinn thought.

Talia smiled warmly. "Not everyone is bigoted, Ensign. Stop paying attention to the people who are. Now get out. I'm sure there's someone eager to see you."

_What does she mean by-_ Then Shinn saw.

Meyrin, standing there on the docks, and she turned and looked at Shinn with the widest eyes Shinn had ever seen.

Talia patted Shinn on the shoulder. "You have a friend here at the ZAFT, Ensign. Make some more now. You need friends if you're going to make it through life."

Shinn looked at the captain. She smiled. "Get going. Don't let me delay you any longer."

"Uh, all right. Thanks, ma'am."

Shinn exited the car then, and walked slowly towards Meyrin. Meyrin walked over and finally let out a deep breath.

"Shinn," she said. "I thought I'd never see you again."

Shinn scratched the back of his head. "The captain had other ideas."

"I'll talk to Luna for you. I'll make sure she never treats you badly again."

"She's not the reason I tried to-"

"I don't care. Luna has her reasons for acting the way she does. She's going to find out acting that way around you is pointless."

"Why?" Shinn asked.

Meyrin's smile turned devious. "Luna has a little secret she doesn't want anyone to know. _Especially_ you."

Shinn tried to wrack his brain and came up empty. "What?"

Meyrin told him.

* * *

Kira looked underweight and he had bags under his eyes, but he didn't look like death warmed over. An improvement over _other_ times Athrun had seen Kira.

"It's been a while since we've seen you in person," Kira said. "I know you call us and stuff but still."

"You're my friend, Kira. I'm not going to stop visiting you or Lacus. We're Three Ships Alliance. We helped stop the end of the world. We have to stick together no matter what."

Kira nodded slowly. "I guess."

"Cagalli wants to see you too, Kira. She's just busy," Athrun said.

"She's always too busy," Kira said softly as he averted his gaze.

Cagalli hadn't seen Kira in person in a year. Kira's appearance had disturbed her one too many times and she didn't want to keep looking at her brother wasting away. She cared for Kira still but didn't like looking at a "skeleton with skin and Kira's face", as she had put it once.

Lacus re-entered the room then. "In any case, this was a nice surprise, Athrun," she said. "Especially so soon after stopping the fall of Junius Seven."

"It was a hard thing to do," Athrun said. "My mother died there. The wreath and plaque there is gone now. This symbol of peace is gone now. I wonder if there's some symbolism in it now."

Kira's lips quivered for a second, and then he looked down. "I don't want another war. One was enough," he said.

Lacus sat down by Kira and draped her arm over his shoulder. "There's not going to be another war," she said.

_That's not quite true,_ Athrun said, but he stopped himself the moment he saw Lacus' eyes. It was _always_ a shock to see such a severe gaze come from her. It was a sign of how Lacus had changed. The idealistic girl she had been wasn't quite _there_ anymore.

In any case, Lacus' unsaid message was right. There was a time to discuss politics, and that wasn't in front of Kira.

"Look, after what just happened," Athrun said hurriedly, "I don't think anyone wants that to happen on a larger scale. Terrorism is bad enough."

Kira nodded, but he didn't look convinced.

"Cagalli's an amazing politician, Kira. There'll never be a war with her around," Athrun added.

"She's not some perfect goddess," Kira said. "There are things Cagalli can't do."

"But she has influ-" Another glare from Lacus told Athrun it was time to shut up _now_.

Lacus spoke then. "Kira, war isn't your concern anymore. No one is that stupid. Stop thinking about war and remember why you're here."

"Teaching the new generation?" Kira asked.

"Not just that. You're helping to make a new world, Kira," Lacus said. "These kids will be running the world some day. And they will run it well. You are working for hope."

Kira got up then, and rubbed his eyes. "I'll be back in a minute," he said, and walked away.

The moment he was gone Lacus looked at Athrun fiercely, and Athrun suddenly realized he was in for a salvo of words.

"Why are you here?" Lacus asked.

"Because I wanted to visit Kira," Athrun said.

"Do you think _now_ is the best time for Kira to be reminded of what he went through, and where he is right now in comparison to you and everyone else?"

Athrun's eyes widened. Even the last time he had spoken to Lacus in person she had never spoken so bitterly.

"He thinks this is a pity visit, Athrun. You're here because you pity him. Don't pity him." Lacus' lips quivered and her eyes became watery. "Don't you _dare_ pity him. That makes him feel less than human."

"He's not less than human," Athrun said.

"He feels that way," Lacus said. "He's convinced he's a monster and no matter how hard I try I can't shake it from his head. He's got voices talking to him. Zombies. Demons. And because of Junius Seven falling from the sky all he can think about is another war starting. And _you're_ a reminder of that."

"How am I a reminder?" Athrun asked, barely keeping his voice down.

"You got to save the world again. Kira's stuck here where he can't make a difference. You think he wants or likes that?" Lacus made a scoffing noise. "You're shoving your success and your heroism in his face by being here."

Athrun simply stared at Lacus, completely stunned. "You really think I came here to mock him? Lacus, come _on_. I think he just needs to see a friend."

"He hurts me every day, occasionally physically, mostly mentally," Lacus said, tears beginning to stream from her eyes. "Many mornings when he wakes up he doesn't see me as human. In his nightmares he is adrift in some reality where all the people he killed or died because of him torture and haunt him. There is blood all over his hands, his entire body."

Athrun looked away, wincing. "I'm aware of that."

"Look at what he did to me," Lacus said, lifting up her shirt a bit. The bruises on her abdomen were plain to see, and seeing Lacus injured nearly jolted Athrun off of his seat.

"I, uh . . . I didn't know Kira could do that," Athrun said.

"He's capable of anything when he is possessed by his nightmares," Lacus said. Her hands gripped her knees. "And every time he hurts me it tears him apart a little more. I want to help him so much but sometimes it feels like there's nothing I can do. He would be _fine_ if his nightmares could be dispelled."

"What about a psych-"

"That won't work, Athrun. We tried that already. He went into SEED mode and nearly _killed_ the psychiatrist."

Athrun knew what SEED mode was. He had seen the SEED shatter himself. But it hadn't happened to him nearly as much as it had for Kira. Kira had seen his SEED shatter dozens of times in a span of months, while Athrun's SEED had shattered less frequently over a briefer span.

SEED mode was an ultimate berserker mode, where the Coordinator who saw the SEED shatter was capable of feats far greater than humans could do. Granted, Naturals seemed capable of it too, Cagalli had seen a SEED shatter too in the final battle, but it seemed to be far less frequent and barely even possible for them.

Lacus looked down. "Sometimes I wonder if it's SEED mode itself that's doing this to him. I don't know. I'm out of explanations. Kira didn't do the horrible things he sees himself doing. He killed people, but he never killed civilians. He never annihilated cities and burned them to the ground. Why does he see himself doing these things?"

Lacus began to shake softly, and Athrun rose from his seat. Athrun realized that Lacus had no one to talk to about this, not until he had come. He wondered how long Lacus had been keeping this inside her. How long Lacus had been wanting to talk to _someone_ but couldn't.

"Why?" Lacus asked. "Why did this have to happen to him? He is such an amazing person. Why?"

"I don't know," Athrun said as he embraced Lacus softly. "I just don't know."

Lacus began to cry into his shoulder then, and Athrun held her tightly.

* * *

Listening to Lacus cry broke Kira's heart.

He just listened to her sob into the arms of someone who was actually capable of comforting her. Someone she could talk to, cry to, where she could say what she wanted and be comforted. He couldn't do the same for her. It was clear after listening to her. She was keeping so much bottled up inside . . .

_I'm not worthy of you,_ Kira thought. _Why do you bother? Why do you care?_

He hugged himself and shook against the wall as he listened to Lacus continue to cry. Athrun whispered unintelligible words to her, and Kira could only guess what Athrun was saying.

Athrun would have been so much better for Lacus than he was. _Athrun_ was what Lacus deserved. _Athrun_ was worthy of Lacus' love. Not _Kira_. _Athrun_ would never hit her. _Athrun_ would never dream of being a monster.

Kira was isolated from everyone else already. No one could bear to look at him anymore. He might as well _be_ a monster. Murrue Ramius didn't visit him. Neither did Waltfield. Or Miriallia. Sai. Kuzzey.

Cagalli.

His sister plainly didn't care about him anymore no matter what Lacus or Athrun said. He had been abandoned and forgotten by his own _sister_. How long before Athrun followed too?

How long before Lacus would be gone one day?

He would be alone, wouldn't he?

Without Lacus . . .

He was just someone being swallowed up by a great dark pit.

He wouldn't be anyone.

Just someone forgotten, a phantom, a memory.

That's what he was becoming to everyone. A phantom, an unwelcoming sight.

Should he just leave Lacus now? Before she suffered even more? Before she didn't care anymore?

It was clear that she was finally beginning to break. His condition, his suffering, all it did was make _her_ suffer.

Kira couldn't stand to listen to her cry anymore. He walked away, trying not to make noise. He stumbled through the kitchen, suddenly under siege by thoughts. Thoughts of what Lacus could be saying soon. Words of betrayal. Words of hatred. Words of bitterness.

A lone carving knife laid out of the counter. Kira looked at the knife, then his wrists. Immediately, he saw cuts appear on them, as if by magic, and blood bubbling out of and streaking down his arms, staining his sleeves.

Lacus hated him, didn't she? He had ruined her life. Everything she had worked for was in shambles because of him. She had become _nobody_ thanks to him. Because he was useless. Because he had no strength.

He forced himself out of the kitchen without picking up the knife. He'd shatter Lacus for certain if he hurt himself.

Oh, why did he care? Lacus _definitely_ hated him. Only her conscience was keeping her here. It would be better if he just removed himself from her life. Left her here. No one would miss him. The kids would have another teacher soon. Lacus would never be hit again. Nobody else bothered with him. Not even his adoptive parents.

Everything would be better if he was just _dead_.

Before he could think, the knife was in his right hand. It was like an automatic motion out of his control. He stared at the shiny blade, and blinked away tears. His reflection could be seen on the metal, and he saw how _pathetic_ he was.

He had no reason to exist in this world anymore.

But before he could do anything, he heard a cry of distress from the other side of the kitchen. He looked up, and saw Lacus, her teary eyes widened in a kind of absolute fright that Kira had never seen before.

"Kira!" Lacus wailed, her face becoming pale. Her mouth quivered and her hands shook as she brought them to her chest. Her legs shook violently as she looked ready to collapse.

Then she ran over, so fast Kira couldn't even move before her arms were wrapped around him.

"Don't do it! Please don't do it! Don't do it! Don't leave me here! Not like this! Kira, don't go! I love you!"

It was those final three words that finally shattered Kira out of his trance. He looked from Lacus' hair to the knife in his hand, and upon seeing his reflection again he yelped in surprise. He couldn't believe what he had nearly done.

The knife fell from his hand and clattered on the floor.

Kira's knees grew weak and he fell limp, supported by Lacus' arms. His eyes stared into empty space. What was he doing? What had he been about to do?

What was wrong with him?

All he had done was hurt Lacus more.

That's all that he had done. That's all killing himself would do.

Just hurt the woman he loved.

* * *

Athrun could only stare.

He never knew how bad Kira's condition was. How close to the edge he was. How delicate his emotions were. He couldn't comprehend why Kira had picked up the knife, why on a whim Kira would consider suicide right here and now, but it was apparent _something _was wrong.

Something was really wrong with Kira.

He gingerly walked over to the two of them, huddled together on the kitchen floor, completely oblivious to everyone and everything, even the burgeoning crowd of kids surrounding the kitchen that knew better than to approach.

They were both crying, but only one was making any sound.

Kira was just staring off into space, scarcely blinking, his mouth slightly hanging open but no noise escaping his mouth. It was only Lacus whose sobs were audible.

Athrun got down to his knees and wrapped one arm around each of them and closed his eyes and just breathed as calmly as he could.

Lacus couldn't support Kira. Not by herself. Trying to stay strong for him was wearing her down.

She needed someone to be her rock, the same way Kira needed Lacus to be _his_ rock.

Maybe Athrun would have to be the rock for _both_ of them.

No, that wasn't good enough.

Whatever the case, no matter what Lacus said, Athrun would have to visit more often. He needed to make sure Kira and Lacus knew someone still gave a damn about them in the outside world.

It would have to be him. He was going to have to be the strong one.

It would have to be him because no one else was.

He held them both for a long time, becoming their shield and their blanket until they finally got up from the floor.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen: Dissolution**

_When those states which have become accustomed to live in freedom under their own laws are acquired, there are three ways of trying to keep them. The first is to destroy them, the second to go and live therein, and the third to allow them to continue to live under their own laws, taking a tribute from them and creating within them a new government of a few which will keep the state friendly to you. For since such a government is the creature of the prince it will know that it cannot exist without his friendship and authority. _-Niccolo Machiavelli, _**The Prince**_

Shinn Asuka was awed.

He looked all the way to the top of his new Mobile Suit. A GUNDAM. The Impulse. He had fought against that thing, and had barely survived. Now, it was his. He wouldn't need to fly a Zaku anymore. He would be flying something that could _destroy_ Zakus almost at will.

So much power. It was hard for him not to want to use the power right now. He wanted to use it so much. Even if it was just for a short flight around the _Minerva_. He wanted to see how it worked, what its capabilities were. He had heard the Impulse was capable of fighting_anything_. He wanted to find this out for himself.

What a machine. What a design.

And it was his.

The captain had given it to him.

He couldn't let his captain down, could he?

But he _could_ let Stellar down . . .

His amazement faded. His hands became fists. He had chosen a _machine_ over a human being. One he loved. He had betrayed her for a weapon of mass destruction.

How did that make her feel, over in the Earth Alliance? That he had chosen glory in a GUNDAM over her?

He knew that Talia had meant to shoot him if he had followed through. Or so she said. But what if she was bluffing? Would she really shoot someone in public? What if he had chosen to call her bluff and remain with Stellar?

He should have stayed with Stellar. He should be with her right now. Not here, staring at a machine that was never meant for him but wound up being his anyway.

"You like it, don't you?" said a voice Shinn didn't recognize.

Shinn turned around and saw a young man who looked a couple of years older than him. He looked to be in his late teens, early twenties. Tanned skin and blond hair.

"Uh . . ."

"It's all right. I had the same reaction when I flew a GUNDAM for the first time, Ensign."

The young man walked and stood at Shinn's side. "I kinda wish I still had it, actually. But it got damaged beyond repair in the Yakin Doe battle. I was lucky to survive."

"Who did you fight for?" Shinn asked.

The young man grinned in embarrassment. "The Three Ships Alliance, actually. I'm Dearka Elsman, Ensign. Your new commander."

Shinn stared. "What are you doing back here, then? I thought all you guys are hiding in Orb?" He realized his mistake and quickly added a "Sir?"

"I don't believe in Orb's ideals," Dearka said. "I only fought for them because I wanted to stop the war. That was all. With the war stopped I don't have any reason to be there anymore."

Shinn wracked his mind and came to a startling realization. "You're Savior's new pilot, aren't you sir?"

Dearka laughed. "Yes, I am. Good guess, Ensign."

He turned to Shinn and smiled. "But call me 'Dearka', and I'll call you 'Shinn'. I hate military formality, and flying a GUNDAM nets you certain privileges they won't give ordinary pilots."

"Uh, yes, sir, I mean, Dearka."

Dearka nodded. He looked at the Impulse. "You have a nifty machine. The Impulse is capable of things not seen since the Aegis. It has something called the 'Silhouette System'. It's meant to help your machine adapt to various situations in battle. There's 'Blast Silhouette', 'Force Silhouette', and 'Sword Silhouette'. Then there's the _standard_ Impulse as well. You have been given a complicated machine, Shinn. Do your homework on it."

Shinn had a headache just by _listening_ to Dearka. He hadn't thought the Impulse could have been that complicated.

"How do I switch?"

Dearka smiled. "There's something called the 'Core Splendor'. It's essentially a classic jet fighter design. You eject it from the Impulse whenever you want to make a switch in configuration. The Splendor can also defend itself with missiles and machine-guns, but it can't really do much against anything other than Mobile Armors."

Shinn's head spun again, and he struggled to keep his focus. His captain hadn't rewarded him by giving him this machine! She had given him the equilvalent of a final exam in Mobile Suit piloting he wasn't ready to take!

Dearka, perhaps sensing Shinn's panic, laughed. "I'm sure it's quite simple in execution. Again, do your homework on this thing. That's what I gotta do with Savior. In the case that both need to be used in a war. I've been hearing that the fighting's going to restart soon."

"They can't be that crazy," Shinn blurted.

"They _are_ that crazy," Dearka said darkly. "Politicians can't be trusted, Shinn. Even Cagalli Yula Athha, Gilbert Durandal, and Naomi Mitsuda can't be trusted. They are out to serve themselves more than the soldiers or the people. And if their goals are served by going to war then they'll go to war."

Shinn's eyes widened. Dearka Elsman certainly had a bleak view of things.

He had to get Dearka off of this topic and fast before _he_ became cynical, too. "Who else is joining the unit? I can't imagine it's just the two of us."

"I don't know yet. I'm sure there'll be five or six of us in the end," Dearka said. "Just _who_ I don't know yet. Either the captain's picking the unit or I'm handpicking them myself."

"All right." Shinn could accept that answer.

"I'll talk to you later, Shinn," Dearka said. He walked away then, leaving Shinn in the hangar alone.

He looked at the Impulse, then the gleaming, spit-shined floor. If there was going to be a war . . .

Stellar.

He would be fighting Stellar.

He had to tell her this. Even if he wasn't going to defect he had to let Stellar know. That way she'd be prepared. That way they could arrange to stay away from each other.

That way they wouldn't accidentally kill each other.

Hopefully the situation hadn't deteriorated so much as to cut off communications. He had to try to reach her one last time, to talk to her one last time.

Before all of Shinn's dreams of life with Stellar were extinguished.

* * *

Meyrin was exhausted. The stationary bike she had been riding was nothing more than a crutch for her at this point, after relentlessly pushing herself for the last twenty minutes. Her water bottle was empty and her throat was clamoring for fluid. Sweat poured from her brow. Working out was _hard_. Much harder than she had thought.

Just meeting minimum fitness requirements was hard. Trying to go beyond that seemed to be an impossible feat.

But then again the yearly examinations were going to be coming in a month. Might as well get ready for them now so she could pass them comfortably.

But she knew something else was motivating her as well.

Shinn Asuka liked athletic girls.

Or at least, it seemed to be that way. He loved that Stellar woman and she was quite fit. He had dated a couple of girls before Stellar and they were fit too. It couldn't be just coincedence, could it?

Shinn could have just destroyed his relationship with Stellar. In any case it _had_ to have weakened. He had chosen not to defect, after all. He had chosen the ZAFT, and Meyrin doubted that Stellar girl was happy about that.

Shinn was a handsome boy, an isolated, introverted person, someone who vented his feelings privately to a scorched memento. But he wasn't a _bad_ person. He wasn't off raging against everyone and everything. He had only lashed out against Lunamaria because of Lunamaria taunting him. And Meyrin planned on letting Lunamaria know what she thought about that.

Those honest brown eyes. His unkempt, clean black hair. Damn it, he _was_ handsome! What did him in was that he was half and half, a Slant. But Meyrin didn't care about that. Why should she care what Shinn's genetics and blood were? If he was a Natural it wouldn't make a difference to Meyrin either.

There weren't that many men close to Meyrin's age on board. She was the youngest person on the _Minerva_, _period_. Rey za Burrel was too stuffy, like an eighty-year-old man masquerading as someone younger. Vino Dupre was an idiot obsessed with a pop star that had fallen off the face of the Earth. Yolant Kent was the Twiddle-de-dum to Vino's Twiddle-de-dee.

Shinn was the only other male on board close to Meyrin's age, and he wasn't stuffy, idiotic, or sleazy. That alone propelled him above everyone else. He seemed to be hurt on the inside, but that was fine. Meyrin had no plans on pushing Shinn with his issues.

Plus, he was really, really _hot_.

Damn her hormones. She was acting like a schoolgirl, not a military officer.

She walked over to the drinking fountain and filled her bottle. She should be able to make one more go on that bike then she'd be done for the day. Her entire body was sore, but she knew that if she kept up this rigorous pace she would not only pass the examination easily, but maybe she'd catch Shinn's eyes too.

If he wasn't killed.

No, he had a GUNDAM now. The Impulse. He wasn't going to die, not when flying that thing. He was trained to fly it, unlike those terrorists at Junius Seven. He had far more skills than those terrorists. He wasn't going to die, not easily at any rate.

Unless he fought one of the GUNDAMs that now belonged to the Earth Alliance.

Oh, she was just depressing herself. She didn't need her morale lowered, not now. Not when she had worked harder than she had the previous eleven months since the _last_ examination.

She took a long sip of cold water and exhaled a held-in breath. She felt better already. She could _definitely_ make another go.

But before she could as much as turn around she heard her sister's voice. "You know, when Vino said you were at the gym I didn't believe him. I thought he was messing with me. But here you are."

"Hi, Luna," Meyrin said, immediately embarrassed that her secret was already not a secret.

Lunamaria stretched out her arms as she walked into the gym. "You look like you're working yourself to death," she said nonchalantly.

"There's going to be an examination in a month. I figured I might as well try to pass it easily this time," Meyrin said.

Lunamaria cocked an eyebrow. "If we're in battle I think examinations will be the last thing on everyone's minds."

"I don't think there's going to be a war, okay?" Meyrin lied.

Lunamaria nodded. "That's just like you, the optimistic one."

"I like to believe in the best of people," Meyrin said, folding her arms.

"Or the best of Shinn Asuka," Lunamaria said with a small smile.

Meyrin froze. How could she know that? She thought that she had kept her feelings, or at least her _interest_ in him well hidden.

Lunamaria laughed. "Meyrin, I see you staring at him like he's the best thing since sliced bread. You trying to make it _not_ obvious makes it even _more_ obvious."

Meyrin looked down. "I just like him, okay?"

"And I know why you're working out so hard. Shinn's only ever dated athletic girls. So you think with some curves and muscle you can impress him?" Lunamaria asked. She did _not_ sound convinced.

"I'd like him to be interested in me," Meyrin said softly. "Why do you care?"

"You and I both know he loves that Slant girl from Earth. I think you're just abusing yourself in vain. He's not going to pay an ounce of attention to you. He's a Slant, and he's going to love a Slant. Not Coordinators."

"Oh, just shut up already!" Meyrin yelled.

Now it was Lunamaria's turn to stare. Meyrin had wanted to wait to tear Lunamaria apart but now she didn't care. Lunamaria needed to realize something and it had to be _now_.

"I don't care what he is. He could be a Natural, Slant, or Coordinator! It doesn't matter to me. It's not like either of us are pure Coordinators either, you know!"

That had done it. Lunamaria's eyes widened with fright, and she frantically looked around the empty gym, making sure there was no one within earshot.

"Don't say that, you idiot!" Lunamaria hissed. "No one can know that!"

Meyrin folded her arms. "We're seventy-five percent Coordinators, Luna. Why are you acting like one of Patrick Zala's followers? He was out to destroy people like us too."

"I told you why! No one can know. No one can even suspect us," Lunamaria said. "The best way not to get suspicion is to act like you're one of them! You think I _like_ treating Shinn like he's subhuman? Or the other Slants?"

"You seem to enjoy it," Meyrin said.

Lunamaria sighed and wiped her forehead. "All right, I get it. I'm too hard on him. I'll lay off."

"Luna, he knows we're not pure Coordinators."

"He _what_?" Lunamaria looked like she was going to hyperventilate.

"He needs to know. I don't want you to treat him badly anymore and this was my way of guaranteeing it."

Lunamaria gave Meyrin the bird. "Thanks for nothing, sis. Now I look like a hypocrite."

"You _are_ a hypocrite," Meyrin said.

Lunamaria wiped her brow again. "I need to digest this. Damn it, why did you have to tell him?"

Lunamaria walked away slowly, holding her forehead like she had suddenly developed a migraine. Meyrin just watched, but didn't feel any sense of triumph.

She only felt she had done what was right. Lunamaria had been the hardest on Shinn, and now she couldn't be that way anymore. Shinn deserved friends. Maybe he wouldn't be tempted by the Earth Alliance if he had friends on the ZAFT, friends besides unreliable Vino and Yolant.

She knew Lunamaria would be unhappy for the next few days, if not spiteful. But she had to realize that the way she acted benefited no one. So she wasn't a pure Coordinator. So she had some Natural blood in her. Big deal. No matter how superior she acted it wasn't going to change that fact.

She needed to learn that sooner or later.

Meyrin guessed the time had to be now.

She returned to the bike and began pedaling again. She didn't want Shinn to leave again. She _had_ to catch his eye. She _had_ to.

The mere thought of embracing him motivated her beyond her original plan, and she finished ten minutes later than she had planned.

* * *

Cagalli was _not_ happy when Athrun walked into her office adjacent to the conference hall. "Where have you been, Athrun? You've been gone for more than a day!"

"I was at Kira and Lacus' place," Athrun said.

Cagalli sighed. "You said you were going to be there for a few hours, not a day and then some."

"They needed the company," Athrun said.

Cagalli nodded. "My brother isn't doing so well, is he?"

Athrun looked down. "He's falling apart. He needs to know you still care about him, Cagalli."

"I _do_ care about him. I just don't like _looking_ at him. He hasn't gotten any better physically, has he?"

"He might have gotten a bit worse, actually."

Cagalli nodded. "Athrun, the image of my brother I want to keep in my head is the strong hero that he was in the Three Ships Alliance. The more I see him in that depressed and emotional state that image fades away a little more. I don't want to think of him as some decrepit PTSD-afflicted manic-depressive. If I think of him that way, I'll pity him. And I don't want to pity him."

"He doesn't want to be pitied."

Cagalli's eyes lit up. "Then he needs to toughen up and stop being pitiful!"

Athrun froze. What had happened to make Cagalli blow up like this? Clearly something she didn't like was going on. Probably had to do with the war rumors that were all over the news.

Cagalli took a deep breath, exhaled, and then gulped down half a glass of water. "I'm sorry. Bad day and it's getting worse."

_Do I want to know how bad a day it's been?_

Cagalli brushed a couple of her blonde bangs away from her eyes. "Athrun, Orb looks like it's going to be taking a side if the Earth Alliance and ZAFT go at it again. We're going to be having a conference in just a few minutes to decide which side to take."

Athrun's eyes widened. "What, already?"

"Yuna's pushing _hard_ for the Earth Alliance, and I think his father is leaning that direction as well. I don't know how to stop it. Not like I want to side with the ZAFT but I don't know if I'm going to be able to uphold my father's ideals."

"That is neutrality in keeping with Orb's pacifistic traditions, right?"

"Good way of putting it, Athrun. Problem is, I don't think any of us are pacifists anymore. I don't know if we can be, for that matter."

Cagalli looked down, and then she gulped down some water again. "Staying neutral will get us in trouble the same way it did in the last war. Siding with the ZAFT will make us one of the few land territories under ZAFT control or alliance so our country will become a war zone. The Earth Alliance means that we're just going to be another small power under the control of a bigger one, we'll lose a lot of our sovereignty, of not _all_ of it."

Cagalli slammed her glass on her table, and small droplets of water erupted from the glass and landed on the table. "And Orb children will be sent to die for whatever causes the Earth Alliance feels like supporting."

She looked mournfully at her glass as she picked it back up. "It's times like this when I want to start drinking. Now I see why so many people are alcoholics. It gives them release from the pressures of the world."

She finished off her water and wiped her mouth. "Come on, Athrun. I need you to observe this. You're pretty astute."

"Um, sure." Athrun followed Cagalli out of the office and into the hallway.

The conference room was only a short distance, maybe twenty feet. It didn't give Athrun a lot of time to think about what Cagalli had said. All he knew was that Orb was going to have to make a hard choice, especially with the presence of both Earth Alliance and ZAFT ships in her harbors. It was going to be nearly impossible for Orb to stay neutral.

And if neutral Orb was going to be the center of another war . . .

Cagalli opened the conference room door, and Athrun followed, only to make a right and stand in a corner. Cagalli, meanwhile, walked to her seat at the end closest to the door. Everyone else was already seated, including Unato Sieran at the far end and Yuna to the seat closest to Cagalli on the right.

Too close for Athrun's liking.

The faces of the middle-aged men and women looked grim. Yuna's face was blank, but not in a stupid or dense way, just . . . _blank_, like he was hiding all emotions. Unato Sieran, the eldest person in the room and Cagalli's uncle, had his hands folded in front of him.

Unato spoke first. "You all should know why we're all here today. The situation with the GUNDAMs is spiraling out of control, and both the ZAFT and the Earth Alliance are throwing accusations at each other. We're caught in the middle, and repairing all of their ships that could wind up turning this island into a war zone. We need to decide what to do before the situation continues to deteriorate."

Cagalli spoke first, much to Athrun's surprise. "Wouldn't the obvious solution be to throw all of the ships out of Orb waters?"

"That's the neutral standpoint, Cagalli, and that may not be the best idea," Yuna said.

Cagalli folded her arms. "Explain."

"I think the time has come for Orb to choose a side, Cagalli. Right now Orb public opinion has swayed towards siding with the Earth Alliance," Yuna said.

"Thirty-five percent, Yuna! Thirty-two percent advocate neutrality, and twenty-four percent want to side with the ZAFT! There's no majority viewpoint," Cagalli said.

_It looks like Cagalli's going to try her father's line,_ Athrun thought. _And here I thought she'd give in and support joining the Earth Alliance._

He smiled inwardly. Cagalli would _never_ give up her father's ideals so easily.

Yuna frowned. "So you say, Cagalli."

The other ministers just watched the argument in silence, as Cagalli and Yuna continued to argue it out. It was clear who was in control of the discussion. Now it would be up to Cagalli and Yuna to encourage everyone else to come to one of their sides.

But then Yuna slammed his fist on the table. "But there's intangibles you don't know yet, and why public opinion will further shift towards favoring the Earth Alliance! Look at the leaked broadcast of this clip on your screens!"

Cagalli's eyes widened, and Athrun was able to get a peek at Cagalli's monitor from his corner. It definitely looked like ZAFT mobile suits, though he recognized them. They were from that radical remnant he had fought. The GINNs in particular looked haphazard and made out of spare parts.

But how would the public know the difference between that and normal ZAFT suits?

Cagalli's fists were so clenched her knuckles were turning white. Finally, she spat "Who released this?"

"It doesn't matter anymore, Princess," Yuna said emphatically. "It appears to have been recovered from Junius Seven wreckage in Europe."

"It was a small group of terrorists that did this, Yuna! Everyone knows that! The ZAFT, the Earth Alliance, _us_, we all fought these people to prevent catastrophe! The amount of casualties are in the hundreds instead of in the _millions_ because of us! There's no way public opinion will shift in favor of the Earth Alliance because of this!"

Cagalli was being quite persausive with her voice, using all of her skills at making speeches to try to regain any lost ground. However, compared to Yuna, she _was_ a political neophyte. She was raw, inexperienced. She ran the risk of sounding irrational.

It was Yuna's turn to be dramatic. "Your father's ideals don't matter anymore, Cagalli!"

"What?" Cagalli snarled.

Unato finally spoke. "Cease, both of you! A shouting match is _not_ going to get us anywhere!"

Cagalli and Yuna both looked at Unato.

"We need to seriously consider our options. The clip was broadcast this morning worldwide and remains on the networks. We won't know public opinion for some time to come. What matters is how the Earth Alliance and the ZAFT will react to this. They, not public opinion, will dictate our choice."

"I apologize, Father," Yuna said and he sat back down.

"I apologize as well," Cagalli said, but even from Athrun's perspective he could tell that Cagalli was giving Yuna the evil eye.

Unato took control of the conversation. "We have two ZAFT ships in port as well as two Earth Alliance ships. If the situation spirals out of control they will begin shooting each other, and both sides have GUNDAM machines. The devastation will be catastrophic."

"The obvious solution would be to throw them off from our harbors," a minister said, repeating what Cagalli had said earlier.

"Yes, but it's not quite that simple," Unato said. "Even if they leave the island they will still be in Orb waters long enough that if a war is declared they could begin dragging us into a conflict."

"How long will it take for us to throw them out?" asked a different minister.

"They have to be given twenty-four hours' notice, that's the standard maritime law for removal from a neutral port. That's an entire day before they'll pull out."

Everyone froze in silence. That meant that if the situation continued to fall apart war could break out before either side's ships were out of Orb waters.

"So the best way to protect ourselves is to pick a side," Yuna said. "The ZAFT or the Earth Alliance."

Many ministers murmured in agreement.

Then Cagalli spoke, and her words caused Athrun's mouth to fall open. "Then the logical step would be to approach the Earth Alliance, wouldn't it?"

Everyone froze, especially Athrun. Yuna looked shocked. Even Unato looked a little fazed. Nobody had expected Cagalli to say something like that.

_Cagalli, what are you thinking?_

"Allying with the ZAFT makes little sense. We'd be alone on this planet, inviting the Earth Alliance to turn our country into a battleground. If we're to ally with someone we have no choice but choose the Earth Alliance. That makes it doubly important we approach the _EA_ instead of them approaching _us_. _We_ need to dictate the terms of an alliance."

Suddenly, Athrun realized what Cagalli was doing. Unato seemed to know as well. "In other words we're offering the Earth Alliance assistance instead of the other way around."

"That's right. We're the ones making the move, we're the ones telling the Earth Alliance how everything's gonna be. This includes letting the ZAFT ships out of Orb waters. That'll prevent any combat from happening in our waters or our land," Cagalli said.

Yuna was fuming, Athrun could tell. But Yuna was the one who advocated an alliance in the first place. He couldn't side against Cagalli here, not without looking hypocritical.

"And we'll dictate how our ships and soldiers will be deployed. I don't think all of our conditions will be accepted but we'll make a few we can concede without really changing everything."

Cagalli folded her arms. "In short, I will not let the Orb become another fleet or army to be thrown into war to be carved up. We'll become the Earth Alliance's factory. _We_ designed the GUNDAMs in the first place. We can build them more. Let the Earth Alliance waste money and lives fighting the ZAFT again. If we're a factory, the Earth Alliance will have to protect _us_. We get nothing but benefits from this. We make no offensive manuevers and generally stay out of the war, and if the Earth Alliance wants our factories to produce they'll have to protect them."

It was her father's strategy from the first war, only remade with more security guarantees . . . and no diplomatic relations with the ZAFT. Her father's strategy had bought Orb eleven months of peace during the war. If war broke out again, if Cagalli's strategy gained Orb even half that amount, she would look like a genius.

She had made her move to protect her country, and minimize the Sierans' power. But it seemed to come at the cost of something, Cagalli's own ideals. It was almost sad for Athrun to observe this, watching Cagalli sacrifice what she believed in order to prevent political marginalization and keep Orb safe.

"Well, is it a bad plan?" Cagalli finally asked.

"No," Unato said. "It's a good plan. I'll have the alliance offer drafted immediately. That is, if we have a sixty percent majority."

The votes swung Cagalli's way by about eighty percent, including Yuna's vote.

"All right, let's hope this works, Princess," Unato said. "It's a gamble but it effectively keeps us out of the war. Your father would be proud of you."

Cagalli nodded, but there was a solemn grace to her movements that suggested she didn't believe that at all.

But then before anything else could be said, an aide busted into the room. "I'm sorry for interrupting, but turn your monitors to channel 267! Hurry!"

"Why?" Unato asked.

"It's Lacus Clyne! She's about to make a speech to the ZAFT!"

_Lacus?_

"Lacus Clyne?" Cagalli sputtered.

Yuna looked completely flabbergasted. "What's she doing? She fell off the face of the planet!"

_This makes no sense. I just left the orphanage this morning and Lacus was still there! There's no way she could have gotten to the PLANTs from there in time and there's no broadcasting equipment in the orphanage. Then that means . . ._

Cagalli and Athrun looked at each other. She had come to the same conclusion from the look on her face.

_She's a fake.

* * *

_

It was time for the performance of her career. She had played many roles in her lifetime, but none required such a perfect transformation from her usual self into someone else. She couldn't just _play_ the role this time. She had to _become_ it. She had to become Lacus Clyne, and believe in the ideals, however naive and insipid they were, that Lacus Clyne preached.

She had some minor modifications to the speech, ones that reflected Lacus' character more than the speechwriter knew. She had watched clips of Lacus Clyne for hours on end. Making sure she knew everything Lacus Clyne did, her facial tics, her manner of speaking, her honest, idealistic tone.

She even had to appreciate the girl's crazed taste in fashion. If she hated Lacus' fashions, she couldn't become Lacus completely.

Not only that, but she had to be an older Lacus, a wiser Lacus. The Lacus from the end of Yakin Doe, only even more mature and persuasive.

The moment the camera flickered on, all doubts, all dislike of Lacus vanished. Meer Campbell shifted completely into Lacus Clyne. As long as the camera was turned on, she would be Lacus Clyne.

And so Lacus spoke.

"This is Lacus Clyne, speaking in response to current events," Lacus Clyne said. "Please listen to me."

She had no doubt people were now. Not just in the ZAFT, but on Earth too.

The world's eyes were on her like never before.

And so Lacus spoke.

And drove her ideals home.


	20. Chapter 20

moonlove: I left it off there because I thought it was a good place to stop. Guess not. XD

* * *

**Chapter Twenty: Separation **

_We stood by a pond that winter day,  
And the sun was white, as though chidden of God,  
And a few leaves lay on the starving sod;  
-They had fallen from an ash, and were gray._

_Your eyes on me were as eyes that rove  
Over tedious riddles or years ago;  
And some words played between us to and fro  
On which lost the more by our love_

_The smile on your mouth was the deadest thing  
Alive enough to have strength to die;  
And a grin of bitterness swept thereby  
Like an ominous bird a-wing . . ._

_Since then, keen lessons that love deceives  
And wrings with wrong, have shaped to me  
Your face, and God-curst sun, and tree  
And a pond edged with grayish leaves. _  
-Thomas Hardy, _**Neutral Tones**_

Shinn Asuka was one of the few in the world who had no idea that Lacus Clyne was speaking as he floored it to the meeting place. The ZAFT motorcycle was surprisingly maneuverable, he was able to weave between traffic in a way he had never imagined before.

He had no idea when diplomatic relations would be severed. He had to get there as fast as he could. He had spotted the place on the way into the city in his planned attempt to defect. The moments relations were gone, he couldn't talk to Stellar anymore.

In all likelihood he would be facing her soon on the battlefield. They would have to try to find a way to avoid each other. They couldn't fight. It would be murder on his soul if he killed Stellar. Even more so if he didn't initially realize it was her until she was dead.

Why was the world like this? Why would people want another war? Why couldn't they try to keep the peace? Why let the GUNDAM machines dictate everything?

The world was crazy.

Or was controlled by the crazy.

Dearka Elsman probably wasn't too far off the mark when describing the politicians of the world. They all wanted power. Power corrupted. A deal here, a compromise there, and suddenly they had no principles other than to be re-elected over and over.

If this was what democracy was like, Shinn dreaded true dictatorships or monarchies.

Where these politicians why people like Mayu had to die? Was their greed and desire the power why he had no sister anymore? Why he and Stellar could soon be shooting at each other?

Bastards.

He made a left and pulled into the small parking lot by the memorial. He left his motorbike and began to walk slowly towards the memorial. Stellar wasn't here yet. Maybe she'd never show up. She had been heartbroken when he chose to return to the ZAFT.

Maybe she hated him now.

It would make sense, wouldn't it? He had betrayed her. But he couldn't very well go back now. He had no doubt he was being watched by _someone_. If Shinn went too close to the Earth Alliance he'd probably be a dead man in short order.

He looked at the memorial, which was in tribute to the Orb soldiers and civilians who lost their lives in the Earth Alliance assault three years ago. This simple pillar of stone surrounded by flowers was the only payment those people had gotten for losing their lives. It was a hollow remembrance, probably ignored by the majority of the populace.

But at least this one was still standing, unlike Junius Seven. It hadn't been destroyed yet.

"Yet" was the operative term. It could still be destroyed in the future. Who knew? Maybe humanity would go extinct. How long would writing like linger for the centuries, millenniums that would pass by after humanity was gone? How long before the traces of human civilization were gone forever?

You had to be lucky to discover dinosaur bones. Humans weren't dinosaurs. They weren't as likely to be preserved.

To any race that inherited a recovered Earth, there would likely be few, if any signs, of humanity's presence. A complete flash in the pan.

Suddenly, he heard a motor vehicle pull up in the parking lot and Shinn turned to see a small car, with only Stellar in it.

Shinn nearly cried. She had come after all.

He ran over to her as she stepped out of the car. He embraced her, and a joyful smile crossed his face as he felt Stellar's arms wrap around him.

"Stellar," he said.

"Shinn, it's okay," she said softly.

Shinn kissed her on the cheek and separated. "Stellar, thank you for coming."

Stellar nodded. She didn't smile, and Shinn felt a sinking feeling fill his heart.

"Stellar, I'm sorry. She had a gun. I didn't know what to do."

"It's all right. You can come with me now instead," Stellar said.

"What? Now?" Shinn asked, his eyes widening.

"Yes, now." Stellar's eyes began to water. "Please, Shinn. I've been hearing we're about to break diplomatic relations with the ZAFT. I don't want to fight you."

"I want to come with you," Shinn said. But then he looked away. "But I'm being watched. I've had a tail from the moment I left the base and I don't think I shook it off."

Stellar's face fell and she looked away. "Damn ZAFT," she said softly.

"What about you coming with me?" Shinn asked. "I'll make sure you'd be happy."

Stellar shook her head. "I've had a tail the whole way too."

They stared at each other for a long time in complete silence. Shinn's heart felt like it was going to explode. He realized there was no avoiding it now. If he tried to bring Stellar with him, she'd die. Vice versa, _he'd_ die. And if they fought each other . . .

Either one of them could die. Or both.

"This isn't fair," Shinn finally said.

"I know," Stellar replied.

"I love you," Shinn said.

"I love you too."

They embraced each other again.

"What'll happen if we fight each other? I don't want you to die, Stellar," Shinn said.

"I don't know," Stellar replied. "I can't imagine what it would be like fighting you. I can't stand thinking about it."

"We have to avoid each other somehow."

"How? I fly just another random Windam. How would you know it's me?"

Shinn's voice broke. "I don't know. I just don't know."

"Remember how we met?"

"I know, right in the colony. Neither of us knew we were soldiers," Shinn said.

"You looked vulnerable but honest. You looked so sad," Stellar said. "You looked like you were calling for help but you put others before yourself."

"I never thought of myself that way," Shinn said.

"You always put Mayu before yourself, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"And you decided to protect me by heading back to the ZAFT. You put my life before your happiness."

"What are you trying to say?"

"You're an altruist, Shinn," Stellar said. "You never think of yourself. You only want to protect and help others. And I saw that the moment I met you. I loved that part about you. That's why I wanted to know you."

Stellar made a choking noise, and then pushed him back, yet keeping both of her hands on his shoulders. "That's why you need to think for yourself this time, okay? Don't worry about me."

"W-Why?"

"Because it's the only way that either of us will survive this," Stellar said. "If you're always worrying about killing me you won't be able to protect yourself. You'll be shot down in your first battle."

"Stellar, I can't-"

"Then hate me." Stellar reached into her coat and pulled out a pistol and aimed it at his head. "Hate me!"

"Stellar, you're being stupid," Shinn said, though he couldn't keep his eyes off the barrel of Stellar's gun.

"Just go and forget about me, all right?" Stellar shook her head several times as she sobbed. "Forget about me. Hate me. I don't care!"

Shinn simply embraced Stellar tightly. She was torn up even more than he was over this. Neither of them wanted to be separated, and yet, they were.

"Stellar, I can't hate you. I love you. You pointing a gun at me isn't going to change that, because I know you won't shoot."

"I hate this," Stellar sobbed. "I hate this. Why are they doing this?"

"I don't know," Shinn said, his voice becoming hollow. "I just don't know. It doesn't make any sense to start fighting again."

Suddenly, Shinn heard the noise of a ZAFT military car pulling up, and Shinn's guess about being tailed was apparently true. He turned and saw Rey za Burrel walking towards the two of them, striding purposefully and confidently.

He stopped precisely five feet away from Shinn and Stellar. "Ensign Asuka," Rey said, "I've just been informed that the ZAFT is breaking diplomatic relations with the Earth Alliance effective immediately. You are to leave the area at once and return to the _Minerva_."

"What the hell?" Shinn cried. "Come on!"

Rey was now the one to produce a pistol. "The first shot of the war can be fired right here and now, Asuka. Come with me, or the first casualty will be _her_."

"You wouldn't!" Shinn yelled.

Rey responded by firing the pistol. The bullet zinged so close that Shinn could feel the wind being warped, and the bullet flew into Stellar's driver-side door.

"I would," Rey said.

Shinn and Stellar both stared at Rey, and then Stellar pushed Shinn towards Rey. "Go."

"But Stellar-"

"Go, Shinn! Please."

Shinn looked away, and he stared at Rey. Never before had he wanted to punch someone in the face so bad, but Rey's pistol left him thinking otherwise. Rey would have him on the ground long before a punch would land.

So Shinn walked past Rey and towards the car. Rey had bought a couple of soldiers with him, they were attaching the motorcycle to the trunk. Shinn turned around and looked back at Stellar.

"Goodbye, Stellar. I'll see you again sometime," Shinn managed.

"Bye, Shinn," Stellar said, in a voice so soft it barely carried over to him.

Then the Earth Alliance pilot turned and walked back to her vehicle, which now had a battle scar courtesy of Rey za Burrel.

Shinn wondered whether he would ever see Stellar again. What would happen to either of them now?

War was inevitable. It was unfair. Why? It made no sense at all.

None of it did.

It all seemed designed to tear him and Stellar apart.

* * *

Lacus Clyne continued her speech, continuing to preach the virtues of peace.

"I know what has happened over the last few days have been emotional for every human being, whether in the ZAFT, Orb, or the Earth Alliance," Lacus said. "I know a lot of people in every country are angry. But we can only think back to three years ago, as to what happened the last time we chose to let our anger take control."

Lacus closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and continued. "Uncontrolled anger will only lead to another war. Please get involved publicly with your governments to stop this rush to arms and keep the peace! Every country lost a generation of children and parents, sons and daughters, mothers and fathers, aunts, uncles, and cousins. Do we want to lose another generation, especially over GUNDAMs or the terrorist attack that destroyed Junius Seven?"

She had modified the speech there. It has originally been more ZAFT-biased. But Lacus Clyne would never take sides when it came to war. She'd plead for every citizen in every country to calm down.

"I don't think so! The last war nearly led to a total apocalypse that would have condemned the Earth to a swift death and the ZAFT to a slow one! If we let ourselves rush to war, how long would it be before the horrors of nuclear war and Mirage Celloids would be unleashed again? Everyone _must_ calm down and think about the consequences of another war! Encourage your politicians to find a peaceful solution to this crisis! We barely survived the last war. Could we survive another one that could even be more destructive?"

She was almost done. "This is Lacus Clyne. Please do not succumb to hatred. Find peace, and end this war before it begins. Thank you."

The camera switched off, and Meer Campbell broke character. "I thought that would _never_ be done," she said, still in Lacus' voice.

The cameraman grinned in embarrassment. "Lacus Clyne has a flair for the dramatic," he said.

Suddenly, the cameraman's face became more serious. "If you are caught publicly you have to remain in character, all right? Say things Lacus Clyne would say. Very few know you aren't the real Lacus."

"You don't think I know that? That's part of the reason I demanded so much money. I have to live someone else's life." Meer sighed. "I guess I should be going."

Then as Meer opened the door, she found herself staring at Gilbert Durandal. He didn't look happy.

"You changed the script," Durandal said.

Meer looked at Durandal's small posse and took a deep breath. She wasn't sure which bodyguards were privy to the knowledge of her real identity, so she slipped back into character. "I will not let myself be caught in a partisan divide. I want peace for all. War is not justified for any side under these circumstances."

"Meer, stop it. Everyone here knows it's you and not Lacus. Good improvisation, however."

"Oh," Meer said, immediately embarrassed. "I changed it because Lacus would never take a firm side. She wouldn't direct the speech directly at the ZAFT, or the Earth Alliance for the matter. She'd want it to reach everyone. It's a message of peace."

"It wasn't my message," Durandal said.

"If I spoke _your_ message people would wonder if I was an impostor," Meer said. "And that would defeat the purpose of me pretending to be Lacus, wouldn't it?"

If Durandal was embarrassed by that, he didn't show it. He _did_ sigh. "I suppose so," he said.

"If the Earth Alliance does more warmongering or whatever, _then_ Lacus can take a pro-ZAFT stance," Meer said. "So if you want Lacus to be pro-ZAFT, do things that would make her _want_ to be pro-ZAFT. Simple as that."

"Fine, you win," Durandal said.

"That's something Lacus does a lot too," Meer said, and then she strided past Durandal until she was outside, where she adopted the shyer, more innocent stance of Lacus Clyne.

_That'll get him going. If it doesn't he's a machine._

Gilbert Durandal rubbed his forehead. "Damn Method actresses," he growled.

He caught the cameraman covering his mouth, presumably to hide laughter.

"What?" Gilbert asked.

"Nothing, Chairman, nothing," the cameraman said, and he began dismantling and folding the portable camera.

He should have taken a stupid young girl and made her become Lacus instead. It would have been so much easier, and cheaper, than paying big bucks for a temperamental Method starlet.

The scary thing was that Meer was probably right. She had said things Lacus, particularly an older, savvy Lacus, would say. The public _was_ going to listen to her. He would be flooded with peacenik messages over the last few days.

But it did give him an opportunity to claim the moral high ground. He had just broken off diplomatic relations while the speech was in progress, after all. Now all he needed to do was provoke the Earth Alliance into firing the first shot.

Things had already gone past the point of no return, though Meer didn't know that. She wasn't privy to everything that Gilbert knew.

Gilbert's objective reached far beyond merely fighting the Earth Alliance, or purifying the human race or whatever garbage Patrick Zala said to justify his actions.

No, his goals stretched further than that.

It was a fight that he could not lose, no matter what the price.

* * *

Athrun had thought the meeting had been loud when Cagalli and Yuna had been going at it. It turned out he had no concept of loud was until after the end of the fake Lacus' speech.

Everyone was chattering, arguing, yelling. There was no concept of order anymore. It was like Lacus had proclaimed that God had come to smite them all.

Cagalli had walked over to Athrun while everyone was fighting, and Unato futilely trying to keep order. "This throws a monkey wrench into things," Cagalli said.

"Not really. If anything it might end the brinkmanship and everything will return to normal."

"One speech isn't going to do that, Athrun," Cagalli said.

"No, but it's going to make people pause. And that's what matters most of all," Athrun replied.

"How the heck did the ZAFT get such a perfect impersonator? She looks more like Lacus than the _real_ Lacus!" Cagalli hissed.

"I don't know. I wish I knew," Athrun said.

Cagalli sighed. "Theories aren't going to get us anywhere. We need _facts_, Athrun."

"Well, I don't have any facts as to how they found a perfect impersonator!"

Cagalli looked at everyone, who remained absorbed in their own arguments, then made eye contact with Athrun again. "We need to get the group together. The Three Ships Alliance, those who can make it anyway. Waltfield, Ramius, Lacus, _everyone_. Try to get Dearka too before Orb breaks diplomatic relations with ZAFT."

"Including Kira?"

"Including Kira," Cagalli said. "We have to find out a way to stop this war again. I don't think what the fake Lacus said is going to be enough. ZAFT seems hellbent on war."

"I don't understand it myself," Athrun said. "Durandal doesn't seem to be the type of man who'd start a war."

"Well, he is. While fake Lacus was doing her speech something showed up on the monitor that no one else seems to have noticed. ZAFT just broke diplomatic relations with the Earth Alliance."

Athrun's eyes widened. "He has poor timing."

"No, this is a game. Durandal snuck this in hoping we'd be obsessed with the fake Lacus' speech to not notice. He's probably trying to provoke the Earth Alliance to strike preemptively. Make them think war's inevitable so they'd attack to have the advantage."

"That's frightening just to think about," Athrun said. Had he been wrong about Durandal? He was a _doctor_. It didn't make sense for him to provoke a war. Why would he do such a thing?

"That's why we need the group together. I'm going to try to keep diplomatic channels open with the ZAFT as long as possible. I'll gather the people in Morgenroete and the Orb military. You go after the people who scattered. Miriallia. Kira. Lacus. Dearka. There's a few others to add to that."

"Dearka's in the ZAFT though. How would I get him?" Athrun asked.

"At least get in contact with him and we can wire him to the meeting," Cagalli said. "Maybe Dearka can get us some sympathizers in the ZAFT so we can find out what's going on."

"Good plan. You want me to start with Dearka or start with the others?"

"Get an encrypted message to him, don't try to meet him in person. I know Kira and Lacus have the equipment to do it, so get to him from their place," Cagalli said.

"Meeting date?" Athrun asked.

"Three days. That should be enough time for those who scattered to get back here."

"The war could-"

"We can't get everyone together any faster than that, Athrun. Now go. Once this damn meeting's over I'll do my thing," Cagalli said.

Athrun nodded. He walked towards the door, and shut it behind him.

The Three Ships Alliance was coming back.

But could the Alliance stop another war?

That was a question that even Athrun couldn't answer.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty-One: Orders**

_The objective of war is not to die for your country, but to make the other bastard die for his._-General George Patton

It was one day after Rey had violently yanked Shinn from his happiness. Shinn still wanted to punch Rey in the face for what he had done, but it wouldn't get Stellar back. He was separated from Stellar, and would remain separated from Stellar as long as diplomatic relations remained severed.

They'd likely be severed for a long time. It didn't take a genius to see that the _Minerva_ was on a war footing now. Everyone on board was moving with a greater sense of purpose than they had just days prior. Plus there was an absence of Morgenroete personnel, which made the ship seem emptier than usual. Orb was detecting an upcoming war too, and Orb being Orb, they were pulling back at some feeble attempt at neutrality.

Never mind the rumors that Orb had given an alliance offer to the EA.

Shinn had thought better of Orb and their ideals. Some of their people, particularly Cagalli Yula Athha, seemed to stand for what they believed in, they had seemed like honorable individuals. But if Cagalli and her people had agreed to the alliance, or brokered it . . .

They were all scum.

It was like Dearka had said. Politicians were only out to better themselves, no matter how many people died in the process.

Dearka Elsman was appropriately grim, for his part. Inside the briefing room were three other pilots.

Rey za Burrel. Somehow this didn't surprise Shinn at all. Rey _always_ kissed up to the powerful.

Lunamaria Hawke. Shinn sighed in disgust. Great. _She_ was here too. Though she didn't give him a look of contempt like she usually did. That was a surprise.

Then there was a young woman Shinn had never seen before.

There was also Lunamaria's sister, Meyrin, who was standing by Dearka in front of some map, as well as a holographic projector. Meyrin smiled at Shinn. Shinn returned it, though he didn't feel like smiling at all. He collapsed on his chair.

Dearka cleared his throat. "All right, all of you are early, even if it's only by ten seconds in Shinn's case."

Lunamaria chuckled a bit, but everyone else stayed stoic, so much so that Lunamaria looked at everyone like they were alien beings before settling down.

Dearka sighed. "Tough crowd."

He cleared his throat again. "In any case, this is a good thing. In war, in battle, it is best to be early instead of late. When you're late, people die. When you're early, you catch the enemy off guard. You have to strike early and swift in order to survive, and defeat your enemy. All of you having the ability to arrive early is just part of the reason why I selected the four of you to join my unit."

He pointed at the map. "We are leaving in precisely ten hours. We don't know when war will be declared, and whether the Orb will let us go if that happens while we're still in their waters. We _do_ know that we should be underway before a war declaration."

"What about a sneak attack?" Rey asked.

Dearka nodded. "I can't obviously predict when a sneak attack will happen, if it does happen. But yes, that can't be discounted. Good point, Rey."

Rey seemed momentarily flummoxed over being addressed by his first name before he relaxed and returned to his normally serious self.

Dearka said "It's not like we'll be working alone. We have another ship that will fly escort and we have three ships coming in to reinforce us. Problem is, if the EA and Orb ally together, we'll be outnumbered four to one, even five to one. And those are conservative estimates. We have to work together if we want to survive the upcoming battle."

No one answered, but a solemn weight seemed to fill the room. It truly did seem that war was inevitable.

"The five of us are going to be the backbone of the Mobile Suit defense. We have the two GUNDAMs in our unit, Savior and Impulse. I have Savior, Shinn has the Impulse. The rest of you will be using Zaku Warriors. I've arranged to have Zaku Phantoms delivered to the _Minerva_, but the Phantoms will not be here for a week, so the rest of you will have to make do with the mass-production version. The Zakus aren't bad machines by any means, in fact I think they're slightly superior to the Windams."

Dearka sighed. "Shinn and I will be the leaders. Shinn will have one wingmate, Shiho Wenhenfuss. Rey and Lunamaria, you two are attached to me. Shinn, when I can have a sixth pilot he or she will be attached to you, understood?"

Shinn nodded. He looked at the dark-haired woman he didn't recognize. That had to be Shiho. She seemed to be about the same age as Dearka, and she looked like a deadly serious person. Someone Shinn wouldn't want to piss off.

"Now, Meyrin, explain our strategy in the meantime," Dearka said, stepping aside as he activated the holographic projector.

"Right," Meyrin said, clearing her throat. "The _Minerva_ is the most sophisticated ship in the area. The EA _will_ gun for us because we're the centerpiece. We go down, we're _toast_ in the Pacific/Oceanic theaters."

She sighed. "As Dearka said, our reinforcements are coming but they may not make it in time. If things go rotten we'll be fighting with just two ships, ten-to-one. The captain thinks this is the most likely scenario. She told me that the five of you pretty much have to do everything at once, defend the _Minerva_ and take out EA and Orb forces by going on the offensive when 'the opportunity presents itself' as she put it."

She looked at Dearka, who nodded in support. Seeming to get some confidence, Meyrin said "There's a possibility we could become surrounded. The Orb have kept diplomatic relations with us but who knows how long that'll be. If that happens, the only option is to keep a continuous patrol around the Minerva, attacking any Mobile Suits that get close. The Tristan and Isolde cannons will be able to keep the ships at bay. You must _not_ attack the ships, especially by yourself, in this situation. Even GUNDAMs can be shot down."

"Thank you, Meyrin," Dearka said. He switched off the holographic projector.

"You all get some rest," Dearka said after a moment. "This may be our last chance to get any sleep for a while. The moment we leave port we are to be on standby in case of attack. Be ready by then. Dismissed."

Shinn was glad to get out of the room. The weight of the situation had become a ton of metal pressed against his chest. Everything seemed impossible. How could they fight off a ten-to-one advantage? Even Impulse couldn't be capable of taking out ten Windams, could it? It had been worn down in Junius Seven, hadn't it?

Damn it, he was scared.

He felt a hand behind him and Shinn spun to see the Shiho woman looking at him in the eye. "Calm down, dammit."

"Uh, right, Shiho. I-I can call you 'Shiho', right?"

"Of course you can, it's Dearka's orders," Shiho said. "But stop looking like a deer in headlights. You're not making me feel good at all about being your wingmate."

"Yes, Shiho," Shinn said, head down.

"I have your back, Shinn," Shiho said. "Just watch my back too, all right? We can make it through this. We've all survived impossible situations by this point."

Then she walked past him and vanished in the hangar.

It didn't make Shinn feel any better. Now he needed to try to win the respect of Shiho Hassenfuss as well. Plus learn how to fly the GUNDAM. And not kill Stellar. And survive a ten-to-one mismatch.

An impossibly tall order was now looking to collapse like a house of cards.

And he was about to be flattened by it all.

* * *

Stellar Loussier was not a happy young woman. It was twice now that Shinn Asuka had been taken from her at gunpoint. The second time she didn't even have a chance to intervene. That blonde-haired man had been more than willing to kill her in order to make Shinn Asuka return.

This wasn't what she had wanted. Shinn should be here right now. After getting information interrogated out of him, he should be right here, right by her. Why did things have to fall apart? Why did she have to live with the prospect of killing Shinn?

Auel suddenly emanated in front of her, grinning like an idiot. "Why're you still moping, Stellar?"

"You don't understand anything, do you?" Stellar asked as she stirred her fork into the crap food on her tray. It was total mystery meat.

"What's there to understand? Auel understands we're going to kick ZAFT ass!"

Sting spoke up then. "Her boyfriend's on _their_ side, you moron."

Auel's smile faded. "Oh."

Stellar stuck a piece of the mystery meat in her mouth and chewed the tasteless gunk. The _Girty Lue_ was supposed to be the best ship the Earth Alliance had, but the food here was just as bad as it was on other EA ships.

It still mystified Stellar why she, Sting, and Auel had been transferred here. What had they accomplished in order to be sent _here_? It didn't make much sense at all.

She had a feeling that the three of them were being dropped into something way over their heads. But what? Stellar went through as many conspiracies as she could. Maybe they were being transferred to an all-Slant unit. Maybe they were being consolidated like cattle. The Earth Alliance always deployed their Slant soldiers in interesting ways, treating them like pieces of meat to be distributed where the most bloodshed was going to happen.

Slants never got rest in the Earth Alliance. Not when they were military.

Auel kicked back. "We got nothing to worry about. This will be a wash, trust Auel, he knows."

Sting gave Auel a wry look. "I ain't trusting a thing you say in that weird third-person talk."

"You two are no fun," Auel whined. He looked up at the ceiling. "Look, Stellar, all we gotta do is disable the Impulse and bring it back, right?"

"It's easier said than done, Auel," Stellar said. She liked the idea, but knew it would be difficult to do. The Impulse would outclass any Windam, and without a way to contact Shinn, there was no guarantee that they wouldn't be killed.

The thought of the Impulse charging her, with Shinn having no idea who she was, was terrifying. It was a threat all too real.

Along with Shinn dying because he didn't know which Windam to shoot.

"Everything's easier said than done, Stellar," Auel said. "But I don't think there's any reason to worry. Even if Orb doesn't get off their butts we outnumber them big time. We even have more GUNDAMs than they do. We're gonna win."

"Nice amount of confidence, young pilot," said a masculine voice Stellar had never heard before.

Stellar turned and saw a handsome, tall man standing right behind Sting and Auel. Both of them freaked out and scooted away from the man a bit. He had long blonde hair and deep blue eyes, with several scars on his face.

It took a moment for Stellar to realize who the man was. And then she knew.

Neo Roanoke. The Earth Alliance's greatest ace who survived the Bloody Valentine War. He was mentioned in the same breath as the great Mu La Flaga. But unlike La Flaga, who perished in the final battle, Neo escaped, albeit with a badly damaged Mobile Suit and scars all over his body and face.

He was a man to be respected. He had seen, and survived, the worst battle in the war.

Stellar got up and saluted him, and Sting and Auel promptly scrambled to do the same. "It's an honor to see you, sir!" Stellar barked.

Neo sighed. "Please dispense with the formalities. We have _extremely_ urgent business we have to take care of as soon as possible."

"Business?" Stellar asked.

Neo nodded. "Business. Specifically, I've taken command of the entire Mobile Suit contingent in this theater, and I have heard of your three's exploits in the Junius Seven battle."

"You have?" Sting asked, mouth agape.

"Unbelievable," Auel added.

"The Earth Alliance was impressed by you three subduing the GUNDAM machines. You in particular, Stellar, have earned a lot of attention for actually _beating_ a GUNDAM. As a result, the Earth Alliance is rewarding you with the three captured GUNDAMs."

_I have a GUNDAM?_ Stellar thought. She couldn't believe it. It had to be a dream. _She_ was getting a GUNDAM, even over Roanoke? This was crazy. It _must_ be a dream.

No one spoke for a second, and Neo sighed. "I've been out of practice too long to get one of them, I'm afraid. I'll need hands-on experience with a Windam just to be considered. But here, I want to introduce you to another pilot."

He waved over, and a woman walked over. She looked surprisingly diminutive for a soldier, shy and soft-looking. Her hair, raven-colored, was longer than military regulations by far. Even her voice was soft and gentle, with none of the aggression or spirit of a typical soldier. "Hello. My name is Feizhi Aloquin, Mobile Armor pilot. Neo's already briefed me on the three of you, Stellar, Auel, Sting."

"Auel's in love," Auel blurted. He quickly covered his mouth and shrunk in his chair after saying those words, but Feizhi seemed to ignore the words.

"Mobile Armor? I thought Mobile Armors were like extinct," Sting said.

Neo spoke then. "The Mobile Armor isn't quite dead _yet_. Feizhi here flies a very different Mobile Armor than the Skygrasper. It's an experimental model we hope to mass-produce, and we're going to field test in on the ZAFT."

"We're really going to fight?" Auel asked.

"We are," Neo said. "All signs point to the ZAFT declaring war on us, so we're going to launch a surprise attack on the _Minerva_ and take it out of the war as well as her two GUNDAM machines. We're shooting to have the upper hand quickly and efficiently."

_So it really has come to this,_ Stellar thought. She looked at her food, and shook her head. Not only was she going to fight, but piloting a GUNDAM _guaranteed_ that she'd be fighting Shinn. He was based on the _Minerva_.

"What the heck do you fly?" Sting asked Feizhi.

Feizhi smiled slightly. "It's called the Zamzasa. You kinda have to see it for yourself."

"Which we will very soon," Neo said quickly. "The four of you are going to be leading the assault on the _Minerva_, and wipe it out in one swift blow. The three GUNDAMs will be escorting the Zamzasa to the _Minerva_, and, well . . . boom."

"Auel likes that plan," Auel said.

Stellar remained silent, lost in thought. She wasn't just going to fight Shinn, she was being thrown towards him. She was a javelin being aimed right for Shinn's heart.

Why did this have to happen?

She saw Sting look at her with a warning look on his face, and Stellar forced herself to refocus. She could fall apart in her room later. Not here. Not in the cafeteria. Not in front of the greatest ace in the Earth Alliance.

"Are there any more details?" she managed to ask.

"No, the mission is quite simple honestly," Neo said.

"Will _you_ be fighting, sir?" Sting asked.

Neo shook his head. "Like I said, I'm out of practice. I'm going to need to learn how to fight in a Windam, preferably _out_ of battle. Granted, I am on emergency duty if necessary but I don't think there's going to be a need for that."

"Aw," Auel moaned.

"It's probably the right decision, sir," Sting said.

Neo nodded. "Most likely is," he said.

He sighed. "You four get to know each other. I have a meeting with the captain to make. Enjoy this moment, you're about to strike a lethal blow to the ZAFT."

And then he vanished into the cafeteria crowd.

Feizhi sat down, her tray filled with mystery meat as well. "I hope we win," she said.

"Auel hopes we kick ass," Auel said.

Feizhi gave Sting a look. Sting waved his hands. "You hang around the guy, you put up with his third-person crap," Sting said.

Feizhi nodded. "Oh."

_How can they be so casual? We're about to fight the ZAFT all over again. We're being thrown right into the fire,_ Stellar thought.

She didn't last long before she left the table. She was going to fight, and she was going to fight Shinn, who had no idea she'd be piloting a GUNDAM.

How could she let him know? Diplomatic channels were gone, and military lines were already encrypted.

There was no way he'd know, not unless she broke the ZAFT's own encryption.

What was she going to do? Could she do anything at all?

Stellar had an ominous feeling she could do nothing. Nothing other than hope that Shinn didn't die.

She had the power of the GUNDAM but was completely powerless in so many other ways.

What a cruel irony.

An irony she'd never be able to fix.

* * *

Athrun had no idea how he was going to track down Miriallia Haw, Sai Argyle, or many of the others who went their own ways. He could, however, find Kira and Lacus. They weren't going to leave that orphanage, not unless something really bad went down.

He hoped they had a plan to escape, though, if things went wrong in a hurry. The ZAFT were using a fake Lacus. They _had_ to be searching for the real one. Lacus had to be made aware of this at least, so if she didn't have an escape plan she'd be able to make one.

Instead of walking up the hill, Athrun ran up it, and nearly tripped twice. He made it to the door to discover it was locked this time. Not surprising. At least this meant no absurd trap.

He knocked, and then rang the doorbell. He sighed, and adjusted his collar. He hoped Kira and Lacus weren't taking a field trip or something-

The door opened.

"Kira, Lacus, I-"

A weight crashed into his shin, and Athrun dropped to one knee, to find himself face to face with a boy. No, _the_ boy. The boy who-

The boy slammed a pie into Athrun's face then. It smelled and tasted like blueberry.

The boy then ran down the hallway, yelling "Ms. Lacus, Ms. Lacus! Your creepy friend is back!"

_Oh God, not again,_ Athrun thought, as he wiped remnants of pie from his face.

"Fletcher, please tell me you didn't waste the-" Athrun looked to see Lacus standing in the hallway, looking quite bemused. "He did."

"Yeah. He did," Athrun said.

He struggled to his feet, to find his shin still hurt a lot. He tried to hide a limp but failed. Lacus gasped and said "Fletcher used the baseball bat, didn't he?"

"It felt like it," Athrun said, as he rubbed his shin.

"That's it, Fletcher! It's one thing to do that to a _real_ intruder, but doing that to someone you _know_ is one of my friends crosses the line! You're getting punished this time!"

"Come on, Ms. Lacus-"

"Don't 'Ms. Lacus' me! You do not do that to a friend! If I catch you doing that ever-" The voices faded away as Lacus presumably was dragging or chasing Fletcher out of earshot.

Kira appeared then, and he cocked an eyebrow. "Defeated by Fletcher again, I see."

"Ha ha. Get me to the sink so I can wash this off," Athrun replied.

"Yeah, sure." Despite the joking sound of Kira's voice, there was a tired weariness that was obvious. His face was hollow, and looked like it had shriveled a bit from the previous night, when he had-

Athrun didn't want to think about it anymore.

Athrun rinsed the pie off of his face, though he did taste some of it beforehand. It was pretty good. He didn't know Lacus, or Kira possibly, was that good of a cook. Heck, it could even be one of the kids for all he knew. Still, pie in the face wasn't pleasant, and he felt sticky even after applying soap.

Lacus returned a moment later, looking quite annoyed. She relaxed when Athrun made eye contact. "Athrun, I wasn't expecting to see you back so soon."

"I wasn't expecting such an _unexpected_ greeting," Athrun said with an embarrassed smile. "Good pie, by the way."

"Thanks," Lacus said. She shook her head. "I made two for the kids with Kira's help. One cherry, the other blueberry. Fletcher hates blueberry, no wonder he used that one on you. Now I have to make a new one from scratch."

She sighed. "Sometimes that kid is uncontrollable. He knows never to play tricks on Kira, Malchio, or I, but everyone else is fair game as far as he's concerned."

Athrun sighed. "It's not good news that brings me back here. Have you or Kira been watching the news?"

"We usually try to when Malchio's around but he's still hung up trying to get back from the PLANTs," Lacus said. "He was able to message me, though. He's bringing four new orphans here, and he's already arranged to bring in a new teacher. She's supposed to arrive here this evening, but right now Kira and I are too busy trying to keep everything under control to watch the news."

_Of course_, Athrun thought. _Now I gotta be the bearer of bad news._

"Lacus, you're not going to believe this, but there's an impostor of you that made a speech this morning. She looked like you, talked like you, even did a couple of your mannerisms. Like she was a clone."

Lacus' eyes widened. "They did?"

"Yes. It appears to be from a PLANT location. That's why Cagalli and I _know_ ZAFT is behind this. They _have_ to be looking for _you_."

"Are you saying that Kira and I have to evacuate?" Lacus asked.

"Probably wouldn't be a bad idea. This place isn't that defensible," Athrun said.

Lacus' gaze became dead serious. "You are aware Kira and I can't leave without the kids."

"Look, Lacus, I didn't come here to tell you to evacuate. I'm telling you that someone in ZAFT is pretending to be you, and she has convinced a lot of people that she _is_ you."

"And what would you like me to do about it?" Lacus asked.

Athrun stared at her. "What do you mean by that?"

"I can't do anything about it, can I? No one's going to believe that _I'm_ me. Why would Lacus Clyne, the real Lacus Clyne, throw all of her fame away to take care of children? The public doesn't know me. They don't think I'd do something like that."

Athrun sighed. "That's not all I'm here for. Cagalli's calling for a meeting of the Three Ships Alliance three days from now. I don't know what location she has in mind but I bet it is where the _Archangel_ and _Eternal_ are hidden."

Lacus nodded. "Now _that_ I can do something about. Hopefully Malchio and the new teacher will be here by then so Kira and I can go."

She turned to Kira. "You feel up to it?"

Kira, who had been silent the whole time, nodded slightly. "I guess," he said.

"Kira, either you can or you can't."

"I'll go, then," Kira said quickly.

Lacus seemed to accept that answer and she turned to Athrun. "If Kira and I can't make it in person we'll still attend by vidcom."

"Speaking of that, I need to borrow your system for a bit to get in contact with Dearka."

Lacus nodded. "That's fine. How many people are you trying to track down?"

"Everyone who went their separate ways," Athrun said. "Cagalli's handling those who are in Morgenroete or remained close by. I'm tracking down everyone else. If you have any info as to where they went . . ."

"I think Miriallia became a reporter," Lacus said. "She's probably where a big story is. That probably means she's at one of the military bses right now. I don't know where Sai went and neither does Kira."

"And don't ask me where Kuzzey went," Kira added. "He fell off of the planet. No one's had any luck tracking him down over the last three years. We don't think he's dead, but . . ."

Athrun nodded. "Your info on Miriallia is a big help, trust me."

Lacus sighed. "How bad _is_ everything, Athrun? Who's being the aggressor?"

"The ZAFT," Athrun said. "They just broke diplomatic relations with the Earth Alliance. Cagalli thinks that the ZAFT are trying to provoke the EA into restarting the war."

"And how is Orb going to respond to this?" Lacus asked.

"Cagalli decided to side with the Earth Alliance under conditions dictated by Orb. Basically she's shooting for Orb to become the EA's supply base and keeping her soldiers out of the fighting."

Kira's eyes widened. "She decided to go against Lord Uzumi's ideals?"

"She faced political marginalization if she chose to stick to them," Athrun said. "I don't like it either but I understand why she did."

Lacus frowned. "I hope she didn't make a big mistake. Letting go of your ideals, even slightly, starts a slippery slope, Athrun. Cagalli just let herself be corrupted."

"I'm not sure I'd put it that way," Athrun said. He suddenly felt some pressure n his chest. He didn't want of think of Cagalli as corrupted, he really didn't. Thinking of her as corrupted meant the woman he loved was-

"It's one little thing," Lacus said darkly. "And once you let your ideals slide, even just a little, it gets easier to do so more and more until you have no ideals other than staying in power."

"You need to tell Cagalli this instead of me," Athrun said.

"I will," Lacus said with finality. "Now get in contact with Dearka. I'll try to track down Miriallia and the others while you do that so you have some direction. Kira, you stay in the kitchen and make a new pie."

_I feel like I'm being lectured by a schoolteacher,_ Athrun thought. Of course, Lacus actually _was_ a teacher, so . . .

He ran to Lacus' vidcom equipment and began setting it up. He hoped that he wouldn't have to break encrypts. He didn't want to get Dearka in more trouble than he already was . ..

* * *

Talia Gladys knew she was in trouble. The Orb had issued a removal order, and Talia knew that meant war was coming, and Orb didn't want to be caught in the middle again. Problem was, if war broke out right now, she was stuck in harbor. A complete sitting duck.

"Arthur," Talia finally said, "Is there any way to make this process go faster? The sooner we're out on open sea, and closer to our reinforcements, the better off we'll be?"

"Everyone's moving as fast as they can," Arthur Trine said. "It would be going faster if Morgenroete was still helping us."

"We're professional soldiers, Arthur," Talia growled. "We don't need help from contractors to repair our ship. Now get everyone to move it. Our escort's already at sea and is racing to our position. We need to meet up with it on the open sea and get to our reinforcements."

"I don't understand why we want to be at sea," Arthur said. "There's more cover here, and the Orb will provide-"

"Don't be naive, Arthur," Talia said. "It's likely the Orb will pick a side, and that'll be the Earth Alliance. The sooner we are out of here, the better. I don't need Orb's troops breathing down our necks too."

Arthur froze. He rubbed his forehead. "Damn it."

"Now you understand our predicament," Talia said.

"But I don't understand why Orb would do that," Arthur said.

"They're doing it so they don't get attacked like in the last war," Talia said. "It's to survive more than any personal feelings."

"I'll get everyone get this ship preppred for launch immediately," Arthur said, but before he could take off Meyrin intervened.

"Captain, we have a civilian communication from someone claiming to be Andrew Waltfield!" Meyrin yelled.

_Andrew Waltfield?_ Talia knew the man's voice, no one could imitate it. She decided to check him. She would know quickly whether the Desert Tiger was real or an impostor.

"Patch him through. I'll know if he's the real Waltfeld," Talia said.

"Yes, Captain!"

Immediately, the gravelly voice of Waltfield emanated in the bridge. There was no doubt this was Waltfield. But why would he be hailing _Minerva_?

"This is Andrew Waltfield! Am I speaking to the captain of the _Minerva_?" Waltfield asked.

"Yes, you are," Talia said.

"Talia Gladys? That you?"

_So he does remember me from the last war,_ Talia thought. That pretty much confirmed her assumptions right there.

"Yes."

"You must take off _immediately_. I've received word from the Orb government that the Earth Alliance plans to declare war in approximately five hours. They _will_ attack you the moment war is declared."

"What is your source?" Talia asked.

"I am connected to the highest levels in the Orb government," Waltfield said. "I can't give you any more information than that, but I can tell you this: Orb _will_ be siding with the Earth Alliance. Diplomatic relations will be severed the moment the EA declares war, and Orb's own war declaration will follow twenty-four hours afterwards."

Talia's eyes widened. This put her ship at a ten-to-one disadvantage immediately. Fighting a sizable EA fleet combined with the Orb fleet was suicidal. Even with the reinforcements it would be a nearly insurmountable task.

The worst part of it was there was no way the _Minerva_ would meet up with the reinforcements before the EA declared war and struck. The only thing she could do now was get out and as close as possible, and prepare for the worst.

At the least Waltfield had given her that much.

"Understood. We will depart immediately," Talia said.

Waltfeld said "I will be joining you."

"You _what_?"

"I'm not eager to fight again, but I will not let my home country's forces become sitting ducks. I will be launching in two hours. Hopefully I'll make it to you before the war declaration. That way you will know it's me."

The Desert Tiger, actually intervening for her? She hoped Waltfeld could provide_ actual_ assistance.

"What are you going to bring?" Talia asked.

"All I can give you is for Mobile Suits, but it's better than nothing," Waltfeld said. "But trust me, what I have _will_ even the odds, if only a little."

"U-Understood, Waltfield. We will depart and await your forces' arrival," Talia said.

"This is Andrew Waltfield. Out."

Then there was a _click_ noise, leaving the bridge completely silent.

* * *

Andrew Waltfield sighed as he placed the phone down. "I could be too late. I don't think they'll make it to their reinforcements in time. Even if they do, it'll be a hard fight."

"Then why are you doing it?" Murrue Ramius asked.

Andrew's one good eye looked at Murrue. "Because I have to. Because the _Minerva_ has some people I care about on it, people who fought with me in the desert. I'm not going to let them die."

Murrue sighed. "I wish I could stop you. Cagalli just messaged us, she wants to have a meeting."

"Well, look at it this way, the Three Ships Alliance will have a spy in the ZAFT," Andrew said with a grin. "I'm not facing the death penalty for my actions either. Demotion, obviously, but not death. And when I rescue the _Minerva_ I will have redeemed myself, becoming trustworthy. We need to find out what ZAFT is up to, and I'm basically it. And, even if my movement's limited, I can draw attention away from Dearka Elsman who isn't as obvious of a Three Ships plant."

Murrue looked away. "I understand," she said softly.

"I can set up an intelligence network with Dearka Elsman and possibly Yzak Joule if he's up to it," Andrew said. "We'll be able to give the Alliance information, which may be enough to stop the war. We can also get to the bottom of the 'fake Lacus'. We just need to earn their trust again."

"That's not it, Andrew," Murrue said.

Andrew looked away. "I'm not going to die like Mu. I promise. Especially with what I'm going to use."

Murrue put her hands on his shoulders. They were soft and warm. "Just don't get killed. I'm tired of losing friends."

"I won't, Murrue," Andrew said firmly. "That's a promise."

Then he rose from his chair and kissed her.

Murrue smiled when they separated. "You should get going. You said you were."

"Yeah, I guess I will. I'll see you again soon," Andrew said, and he walked past Murrue and into the hallways of Morgenroete.

_There isn't enough justice in the world. But that's why we rebuilt Justice, after all. So if justice ever needed to be served again . . . _

He just hoped that those new GUNDAM machines weren't going to outclass Justice, even with its METEOR system. If they did, his heroic actions weren't going to amount to much.

And he wouldn't just be breaking Murrue's heart.

He would be breaking the heart of a new life for every day of her life once she was born.

_Aisha,_ Andrew thought. _I'm not going to join you yet. You gave your life so I can continue mine. And I am not going to throw it away, not with what I have lost and gained in return._

That included Murrue, and that included the three brave pilots that would be joining him on this mission, to not only save the _Minerva_, but to find out the motivations behind the ZAFT.

Including Gilbert Durandal himself.

It was a risky gamble but one that would succeed if everything went right. And Andrew planned on things going right.

He didn't become known as the Desert Tiger because he made mistakes, after all.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-Two: Chance Encounter **

_I should have been a pair of ragged claws  
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas. _  
-T.S. Eliot, _**The Love Song of J. Alfred Prefrock**_

Gaia felt weird. It had a different control system than Stellar was used to. Then again, it had been designed by the enemy. She couldn't expect complete familiarity with the GUNDAM machine.

She had managed to read the manual and study her machine. Apparently, it was transformable, into a BuCue-like machine that looked bestial. It even ran on all fours in that mode. Right now, though, that aspect of the GUNDAM was useless. She was over the ocean. She wasn't going to need any advanced mobility on the ground, not when there _wasn't_ any ground.

Supposedly all of the GUNDAM machines had some kind of transformable ability. She had no idea what Abyss' and Chaos' abilities were, though. She didn't much care. All that mattered was surviving this battle, and avoiding Shinn as much as she could.

He would have no idea that she was in this machine. He would only think she _wasn't_. The Gaia would be taking an all-out assault, Shinn would think Stellar was still a Windam pilot. He wouldn't fathom that Stellar would be flying a hijacked GUNDAM.

Why was life like this?

The Gaia was loaded onto the _Girty Lue_'s catapult. It was supposedly based off of the design of the _Archangel_, capable of traversing both space and land. It was one of the Earth Alliance's finest battleships, and one that the EA was pinning a lot of hopes on.

There would be no escorting Windams launching from this ship. Stellar, Sting, and Auel would be on their own. The Zamzasa took way too much room to allow for any Windam backup. Then again, they had several escort ships _packed_ with Windams. Stellar had a feeling the Zamzasa would be more valuable than another group of Windams.

She heard the mission control officer launch a countdown. Stellar gripped her control stick and stared out at the partly cloudy daytime sky in front of her.

She was going to be launching into war.

Why?

Why did everything have to come apart?

Why was she-

Countdown ended.

"Stellar Loussier, Gaia, launching!"

The Gaia accelerated out of the catapult with a fury that took Stellar by surprise. This thing was _fast_. Faster than any Windam.

She could outmaneuver any Zaku in this thing.

After that heady moment, though, she realized a flaw. She hadn't calibrated this thing to operate in the atmosphere. The moment after liftoff, she began hurtling towards the ocean.

_Damn it!_

Quickly, she prepared a countermeasure. She typed on the GUNDAM's keyboard as fast as she could with her left hand while steering with the right hand. She needed to set up an atmospheric program before she slammed into the ocean.

The ocean was looking really close. _C'mon, hurry up!_

With five seconds to go, her juryrigged setup activated and Stellar accelerated from the water, and she breathed a sigh of relief. As she got to a safe distance above the water, she continued to adjust her operating system. She needed it to be combat-ready as soon as possible.

Before she could send out a warning to Sting and Auel, though, one of her friends was already taking off._ "Auel Neider, Abyss, launching!"_

"Wait, Auel, they didn't reconfigure the OS!" Stellar yelled.

_"What are you-" _Auel then gasped, and screamed as he plummeted into the ocean.

"Auel!" Stellar cried.

Then, much to her amazement, she heard _laughing_.

_"Holy crap!"_ Auel cried as he laughed wildly. _"Look at this! Auel's a submarine!"_

Stellar sighed in relief again, and then shook her head. _He did that on purpose, didn't he?_

_"No time to be screwing around, Ensign Neider,"_ Neo Roanoke growled over the com. _"Get your OS combat-ready. Ensign Oakley, I assume you won't be making the same mistake as your teammates."_

_"I, uh, will not, sir,"_ Sting said. A moment later, he launched and joined Stellar and Auel without a hitch.

Auel was still laughing. _"Jeez! If this thing couldn't go underwater Auel'd be a dead guy! This is a frickin' submarine GUNDAM!"_

Neo's voice interrupted the conversation before it even had a chance to start. _"You three are going on ahead and leading the attack on the ZAFT frigates. The Zamzasa will be joining you shortly. Your primary target is destroying the _Minerva_ and disabling the other two GUNDAMs. If the _Minerva's_ escort gets in the way, blow it out of the water, but if it doesn't, let the fleet and Windams take care of it."_

"Got it, sir," Stellar said. _At least "disabling" the Impulse will mean I'm not going to kill Shinn_.

Sting and Auel had to know that. There was no way she'd forgive either of them if they killed Shinn.

She looked ahead at the ZAFT fleet. There, Shinn awaited. Along with hundreds of ZAFT soldiers she was going to have to kill.

_Shinn, I'm sorry. Please forgive me if I kill your friends. Please._

She accelerated towards the two ZAFT ships, and looked at the small army of Mobile Suits that trailed her. She was going to be firing the first shot of this war.

Her tight grip on her control stick became even tighter. What a weight on her shoulders. She was the aggressor. She was going to be the first response of the Earth Alliance. This was what the ZAFT and their political maneuvering was going to get.

The war.

And with war, came killing.

She never thought she would have to kill again, after killing the terrorist that had gotten inside the barracks. She had done that to protect Sting and Auel.

Then came the fighting against those terrorists who hijacked these GUNDAMs in the first place. She had destroyed a Zaku from top to bottom, among many other kills.

But that killing was done to preserve the peace and protect people.

This? This was just going to be murder.

Organized chaotic murder on a wide scale.

What would happen if she got angry again? What if she lost herself in that rage, and killed Shinn?

Never before had Stellar truly been afraid of herself.

But now, she was.

Because if she snapped again, if she lost herself again . . .

She could kill Shinn without thinking.

_Please, Shinn. Please, by some miracle, stay away from me. Don't make me fight you. Please._

But she already knew that wasn't going to happen. Because she was in the one thing Shinn would never expect her to fly.

Shinn would make a beeline right for her, and have no idea he was fighting the woman he loved. And she would be holding back. And if she didn't go all out against a GUNDAM, she was going to-

_Please stay away.

* * *

_

The girl, Meyrin Hawke, was in a complete panic. "There's eighty-odd Mobile Suits coming right towards us! Six Earth Alliance ships coming towards us as well! They're spreading out and coming right towards us!"

"What are the ships?" Talia asked.

"One airship, three cruisers, two destroyers! Make that _three_ destroyers! A seventh just joined their group!"

_Seven against two. Not good odds,_ Talia thought. _Especially as they have three GUNDAM machines._

Arthur Trine suddenly hung up the phone. "Captain," he said, "We've just received word from the Supreme Council. Orb just broke diplomatic relations with the ZAFT."

_So they made their choice,_ Talia thought. That meant that the Orb would not be a refuge in the case of an emergency. She hadn't planned on that being the case anyway, but this meant that she had virtually nowhere to run other than towards the reinforcements.

"All right, it can't be helped. We're going to fight. Inform our escort," Talia said.

"Yes, ma'am!" Arthur said.

"Get Tristan and Isolde online as well as all of our anti-air weaponry. Deploy the entire Mobile Suit contingent. We need to hold out until our reinforcements come."

"But our reinforcements won't come for another hour!" Meyrin yelled.

"That's not the reinforcements I'm talking about," Talia said.

_Andrew Waltfield, if you're really out there, the ZAFT has never needed you more than they do now. Please come, if that was really you._

"Be ready to open fire! They want a war, they get one!"

Talia stared out at the massive force arrayed to kill her. She was going to take every last one of them down with her if she wasn't going to survive this. The Earth Alliance was going to pay a hefty price for making war on the _Minerva_. She was sure of it.

* * *

The Impulse had to be assembled in mid-air. It was a clumsy maneuver, and Shinn barely got all of the pieces together before he saw Windams coming right for him.

_Oh damn_.

There was no way to tell if any of them were Stellar or not. He had no choice. He needed to shoot, and pray that she wasn't in any of those cockpits.

But one of the Windams shot first. Shinn turned away from the shot and it blasted straight into the sea.

The war had begun.

Shinn pulled out his MA-BAR72 Beam Rifle and began shooting at the three Windams who had come charging towards him. He managed to blast one in the leg, and sent it smoking and spiraling out of control, but the other two Windams managed to dodge him.

_I don't have enough practice on this thing!_

Shiho charged into the fray, her beam sword ablaze. She sliced the first Windam into two pieces, the lower half exploding and the other half spiraling away in flames. The other Windam was speared right in the cockpit, and Shiho barely got a away before it exploded as well.

_I hope that wasn't Stellar,_ Shinn thought.

_"Get your head out of the clouds, Ensign!"_ Shiho shouted.

"Uh, yeah. Got it," Shinn said, and he shook the cobwebs out of his brain. He was going to die if he struggled like that too often. He was given this thing because he was supposedly a good pilot. A good pilot didn't get caught in situations like that.

He rejoined Shiho, and quickly saw the battle had devolved into a mess, with Mobile Suits flying everywhere and crashing into each other. The escort ship was already in a state of siege, with Windams blasting at her missile and gun emplacements.

_We can't lose the escort so fast!_ Shinn was about to charge after it, but immediately he heard Dearka.

_"Shinn, Shiho, I'm going to protect the escort! You two stay by the _Minerva_!"_

"Uh, right!" Shinn said, and immediately reassumed his defensive position a hundred yards or so in front of the _Minerva_'s bridge.

_I can't worry about Stellar. If I worry about her, I'll die. I have to shoot. I have to kill._

The sobering thought was blasted from his mind as a Windam came charging right for him. Shinn aimed his rifle and blasted it right into the cockpit of the Windam, sending it spiraling into the ocean before it exploded, causing a geyser of water to shoot up into the air.

_"That's what I'm talking about, Shinn,"_ Shiho said firmly.

"I guess," Shinn said. He shook his head. Stellar would know to stay away from him anyway. She knew he was flying this beast. She wouldn't come anywhere near him.

And that was all he could hope for, in the frenzy of battle.

* * *

_I really wish Athrun was flying this instead of me. This kind of thing is up his alley, not mine,_ Dearka thought. He had already accidentally transformed his GUNDAM into a Mobile Armor, and had nearly been shot down in the process. He had barely scraped away with some scratches, and a couple of Windam kills.

Now, Savior was back in its Mobile Suit form, which Dearka was far more comfortable in. The Savior had nice weaponry, better weaponry than the Zakus. The superior equipment gave Dearka a nice advantage over the Windams.

An advantage he was going to have to exploit for all it was worth. A quarter of the Zaku contingent had already been shot down. The Earth Alliance had numbers. In mere minutes they were already close to being overwhelmed.

The more Zakus lost, the more hopeless the battle was going to be.

He put his rifle away and drew his Beam Sabre as he spotted an opportunity. "Rey, Luna, cover me!"

He charged straight ahead, and saw four Windams neatly arrayed in a curve, trying to take a shot at something stationary. In one curving motion, he sliced all four of them in half, causing all to explode moments later.

It took him a moment to realize why they had stopped still like that. They were trying to destroy the escort's bridge.

The battle to save the escort was already becoming hopeless, if the bridge was coming under attack already.

Before he could process those glum news, Luna began screaming. _"There's something coming our way! It's huge!"_

"What?" Dearka asked.

The moment he saw, he wished he hadn't.

_How the hell are we going to stop that thing?

* * *

_

_"You know the plan, Feizhi,"_ Neo said calmly over Feizhi Aloquin's com.

"I do," Feizhi said, staring straight at the ZAFT escort ship. This was going to be the preliminary test. She needed to make sure the weapons worked correctly before the _real_ test. Destroying the _Minerva_.

Her tiny hands barely fit over the handle of the control stick, but there was nothing small or fragile about Feizhi. Not when she was flying this thing. She was four-foot-eleven, and looked more like a gymnast than a soldier, but she could fly this thing.

And for the first time in her life, she had someone who believed in her.

Neo believed in her. He knew she could fly this thing and succeed in it. And as long as he trusted her, she was never going to let him down.

She aimed the massive cannon right at the bridge of the escort. She could tell immediately this was going to be a successful test. No ZAFT Mobile Suit was close enough to stop her.

She fired.

She smiled cheerfully as the shot hit its target. "Preliminary test complete."

* * *

Talia Gladys stared in horror as the escort ship, her only ally, was blasted almost out of existence by that flying monster's weapon. It looked almost like a flying crab, but far more terrifying. Like a hornet, or maybe a spider, crossed with a crab.

No, words could not describe the thing that had now left the _Minerva_ all alone. It was enormous, disgusting, jagged. And had destroyed a ship in a single shot.

The smoking wreckage of what had been her escort began to sink, and the flying mechanical monster was already turning direction and coming right towards her.

"Damn it, don't let that thing come near us! Get Dearka or Shinn or both on that thing _now_!" Talia yelled.

"Dearka's already engaging!" Meyrin yelled.

"Get Shinn on there too! Take it down at all costs! It takes a shot at us we're finished!"

* * *

Dearka was surprised as his lunge missed the flying crab/spider/thing. _This thing is quick for its size! They really designed this thing well._

Rey came in for his own attack, but the monster accelerated and rammed into Rey, and that sent him spiraling away out of control towards the ocean.

"Luna, keep that thing busy! I'm going to try to make another attack!"

_"Right, sure, whatever!"_ Luna yelled in clear sarcasm. But she opened fire anyway, but the shots merely glanced off of the armor.

_There has to be a weak point. The cannon? Or maybe this thing has a soft underbelly. I need to find it before we're all dead,_ Dearka thought.

_"Dearka, I'm coming!"_ Shinn yelled as the Impulse appeared on close-range radar.

"Shinn, you and I team up on this thing! Sword strikes! Try to hit the cannon or the underbelly!"

_"You got it!"_

"Shiho, you and Luna give cover fire! Keep that thing's attention!"

_"Understood,"_ Shiho said.

As another set of laser fire joined in the fray, Dearka dove-bomb on the monster, and missed. Shinn came from under but the monster dodged _that_ as well, and simply backhanded Shinn with one of its claws, sending the Impulse spiraling away, bits and pieces coming off of it.

_What can I do to destroy this thing?_ Dearka thought.

Shiho's voice took that thought out of his mind, then. _"Dearka, we've got the three GUNDAMs coming towards us!"_

_Great, as if this fight wasn't hard enough,_ Dearka thought.

How was he going to be able to destroy this colossal mechanical beast _and_ three GUNDAMs?

How?

It was an impossible task. But one that would have to be accomplished.

Or everyone here was going to die.

* * *

Meyrin was shaking in fear, and a stutter had entered her voice. "Savior and I-Impulse have been ineffective, m-ma'am! The monster is still coming towards us!"

Talia frowned. _C'mon, Dearka, Shinn. Do something._

She decided she couldn't be helpless. "Tell the Mobile Suits to back off! Fire the Tannhauser! That should obliterate it!"

She gritted her teeth. It was going to be a waste of valuable energy, but it would remove the threat. If the monster destroyed the _Minerva_ then there would be _no_ enemy fleet to use the Tannhauser on. Talia and the crew wouldn't have any cares in the world, for they'd all be _dead_.

_Please let this work,_ Talia thought, as the Tannhauser charged up.

The _Minerva_'s massive gun fired.

* * *

Feizhi shook her head as the massive beam was stopped and winked out of existence. It was like it had been absorbed by thin air.

_Test of the positron deflector, complete,_ Feizhi thought.

She could sense the morale of the ZAFT completely deflating now. She was winning. Almost by herself, she was repelling two GUNDAMs and ramming her way through the entire Mobile Suit contingent, and there was nothing the _Minerva_ had that could stop her.

A feminine voice came through on her com. _"Feizhi, this is Stellar! We're coming!"_

_About time, Slants._ They were supposed to be _better_ than this. Why was the Earth Alliance so enamored of Slants? They were still freaks of science, just less so than the Coordinators.

Oh, well. At least they were here now, and she wasn't going to refuse their assistance. The GUNDAMs and the Zakus were making this more difficult than it should be.

In any way, she knew she had to be making Neo proud. No one else had believed in her. She was so small, so girlish-looking, that she always got passed up by others despite her raw ability. But now, she finally had an opportunity to show her skills, and she was proving that their ignorance of her had been a complete mistake.

She could make a difference now. And with the Slants, and the massive Zamzasa, she would end the ZAFT's presence on Earth before it really began.

The three GUNDAMs charged into the fray, and Feizhi smiled. The way was clear now, with Stellar, Auel, and Sting doing their jobs. The four of them would make a good team, even though the GUNDAM pilots were Slants.

Freaks they were, they were still amazing pilots. The Earth Alliance had been wrong to shunt them aside for so long too, in favor of drug addicts and nuclear weapons.

But _that_ mistake was being rectified too.

And now, the Earth Alliance would decisively win this battle, and the war. The Slants would gradually fade away as their genetics became tampered by Natural blood. And then everything would be as it should be.

And that would start by winning this battle.

The Zamzasa flew towards the _Minerva_'s bridge. With one more good shot, the battle would be won.

And for good, she would elevate herself to the top of the Earth Alliance's aces.

This was going to be an _amazing_ day.

* * *

Stellar was gasping for air after her charge, which managed to help clear the way for Feizhi to break through and head towards the Minerva.

She still couldn't see the Impulse. Had it already been shot down? She couldn't believe that Shinn could have been shot down _already_-

Suddenly, she saw the Impulse, and she smiled. _Good, Shinn's still alive. I was getting worried._

Then Stellar realized the Impulse was coming right for her. _Oh shi-_

Stellar barely got her sword out in time to meet the Impulse, and Stellar was knocked out of the battle, and she skirted the ocean before regaining the control and knocking the Impulse away.

_He doesn't know it's me. He can go all out on me because he thinks I'm still in a Windam,_ Stellar thought.

She scrambled with her OS. She _had_ to hail the Impulse. She _had_ to let Shinn know. Before he attacked again. That way, he wouldn't kill her. And then, maybe, just maybe, she could . . .

Could get him on _her_ side, and then . . .

The Impulse charged again, and Stellar blocked the blow, but was knocked into an awkward position. Stellar barely dodged the next two strikes, and continued to try to hail the Impulse. _Please, let this work. Please._

Suddenly, she heard Shinn's voice._ "Why the hell are you hailing me? What are you trying to say, you warmongerer?_"

Those words hurt Stellar, but then she realized Shinn had no idea who he was talking to.

"Shinn, please stop, it's me," she cried.

There was silence, and the Impulse just loomed right in front of her, completely still.

_"S-Stellar?"_ Shinn choked out.

"Shinn, it's me. I'm the pilot of the Gaia," Stellar said, as tears began to fall down her face. "Please don't fight me anymore."

All she could do now, was wait for Shinn's response.

And pray that the response was the right one. So they could finally be together. So that the war couldn't keep them apart.

_Please, Shinn,_ she thought.

The silence was deafening.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-Three: A New Berserker  
**  
_A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is braver five minutes longer._  
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Shinn Asuka was in total disbelief. _I was fighting Stellar. I was trying to kill Stellar. Oh God. I can't believe it. What is she doing in that thing? Why?_

He tried to search his mind for any logical explanation for this. She should have been flying a Windam. What was she doing inside a GUNDAM instead? Had she lied to him?

No, if she had lied to him, she wouldn't have tried to hail him. She would have just killed him.

But why? Why was she flying a GUNDAM? Out of everyone in the Earth Alliance, why her?

That meant her friends were in the other two GUNDAMs too. That meant every time he would engage a GUNDAM he would be fighting someone he knew. Someone who he was friends with, had goofed around with, even fought with.

Not fair, not fair at all.

He heard yelling in his ear a moment later. _"Shinn, what are you doing? Help us!"_ Luna yelled.

Shinn ignored the plea. He finally said "Stellar, why are you in that thing?"

"They said I was the best, Shinn," Stellar said. "I didn't even know until yesterday. This is my first time flying the GUNDAM, actually."

_"You fly it pretty well."_

"Thanks."

Shinn looked at his controls. _"Stellar, what are we going to do?"_

"I don't know. Do you think you could-"

Suddenly, another voice screamed in Shinn's ear. _"Shinn, help me!"_

It was Meyrin's voice.

"Meyrin?" Shinn asked, and he brought up a visual of Meyrin, wide-eyed and teary.

_"Shinn,"_ she cried, _"Help me! That monster's going to kill us! It just swatted Dearka away! Please, I don't want to die!"_

"Meyrin, get a hold of-" The captain's voice was cut off by the loss of communication, and Shinn shook his head violently. He couldn't refuse a desperate request from Meyrin. Not from the one person in the ZAFT who didn't seem out to hurt him or use him.

"Stellar, I have to go, I'm sorry."

_"Shinn, what are you doing?"_

"I have to stop that monster. I can't let it destroy the bridge."

_"Shinn, I have to protect that machine. It's the Zamzasa. I can't let you destroy it,"_ Stellar said.

"Then try and stop me." Shinn blinked away his tears, turned towards the Zam-whatever, and charged straight forward, leaving Stellar behind.

_I'm sorry, Stellar. But I'm your enemy, I guess. There's people I have to protect now. If this . . ._

_Damn it._

He came right for the Zamzasa, and readied his beam sword. Luna and Shiho were still in action, but they were desperately trying to hold off repeated assaults by the other GUNDAMs. Rey was limping towards the hangar bay, his machine was badly damaged. Most of the other Zakus were gone. Dearka was nowhere to be seen.

He was really all that was left to stop that thing.

He heard Stellar's voice. _"Shinn, please! Don't make me fight you!"_

He had to ignore it. He had to concentrate on Meyrin's plea.

She was the one person in the ZAFT who didn't dislike him.

If only for her, he had to defend that bridge.

He charged.

* * *

Feizhi saw the Impulse coming, and knocked it away. "Insect," she spat. The Mobile Armor was something thought obsolete, but when redesigned and improved, it was just as good, if not better, than GUNDAMs.

Just a distraction. That's all the Impulse was. The Zamzasa was just such a powerful and manueverable machine that she could knock it away with ease, even without the escorts. And now, she was about to get a clear shot at the bridge, and prove her worth to Neo and the Earth Alliance once and for all.

Suddenly, the Impulse came back again, much to Feizhi's surprise.

_I can't believe he wants some more . . . or could _take_ more._

She deflected the sword strike, and suddenly found herself locked in a duel with the ZAFT GUNDAM. The Impulse looked to be a decent machine, and the pilot was quite brave. But that wasn't going to be good enough.

Not when Feizhi was just as determined, and flying better equipment.

"Out of my way!" She knocked the Mobile Suit into the _Minerva_, just below the bridge. She took a claw and pinned the Impulse to the hull.

She could finish off the Impulse and the _Minerva_ in one shot. Sure, the order was to _disable_ the GUNDAMs, but she was sure Neo wouldn't complain about the Impulse being destroyed.

No, she couldn't do that. She had to follow orders like everyone else. She couldn't get _too_ giddy with all of the power she had.

So she took the claw and swung the Impulse around, ramming it against the metal of the Minerva, and then the bridge, causing the bridge's glass to crack, and then against the metal again. There was no way the Impulse would take abuse like that for long. Not before being removed from the battle.

She began charging the cannon as she thrashed the Impulse. With this, the field test would finally be completed. More Zamzasas would be produced. And this war would be won.

And the Impulse would be in Earth hands where it belonged.

* * *

Shinn was surprised to see himself suddenly in a dark world, where only he was illuminated. He was staring in shadow. Was this the afterlife? Had he been killed? Was this purgatory or something?

Suddenly, there was a brown light from his left. Shinn walked towards it. He was still in his pilot's uniform, although his helmet had been removed. He walked towards the light, and was quite surprised to see what the source was.

A crystallized seed.

A figure suddenly appeared next to it, and Shinn stared in surprise. His mouth was numb, he could barely speak.

"Mayu?"

Mayu looked at him sadly. "You want to live, don't you, big brother?" she asked.

"I, uh . . ."

Mayu nodded softly. "I know you still do. It's all right. I'm your angel, Shinn. I'll protect you."

She walked over to the floating brown seed, and cupped it in her hands. Suddenly, it began to crack.

"Use this power to live, Shinn, and protect those you care about."

"Mayu-"

"I will protect you from here. Just worry about protecting the others that still live, big brother."

Shinn stared at the glow became brighter as the seed shattered into pieces. He felt so warm, like his sister was so close, like she was embracing him. He felt powerful, almost like a god. He-

Shinn snapped back into reality.

* * *

_I won't die!_

Shinn, with Impulse's right arm, chipped at the claw with the sword, and broke free. He fell away and accelerated a good distance before stopping and turning around. He had mere _seconds_ to shoot the Zamzasa down. The _Minerva_ had taken a lot of damage, but it would survive, if the Zamzasa was destroyed.

"Meyrin," he yelled. "Get me a Sword Silhouette. Do it _now_!"

Meyrin sounded heartened as she spoke, even though her voice was breaking. _"It's coming, Shinn."_

The Zamzasa, as Shinn expected, was trying to line up a shot directly at the bridge. It wasn't going to come after Shinn, not when it was pursuing its objective.

The Sword Silhouette pack came his way, and Shinn transformed the Impulse as fast as he could, and converted the machine into the Sword Impulse.

He took the anti-ship swords and merged them together. He stared at the Zamzasa with a determination he had never had before. He felt powerful, but warm. He almost felt his sister's arms wrapped around him as he readied his counterattack.

No, he _could_ feel them. So small, yet so warm. He could smell her sweet breath, hear her soft breathing.

_I know you're here, Mayu. Thank you. I'll protect this ship._

One of the Earth GUNDAMs, the one Shinn faintly recognized as the Gaia, suddenly got in the way, but Shinn was already charging. He cleaved one of the legs off and sped on right for the Zamzasa, resetting his attack as he accelerated.

He swung right at the cannon. He connected, and immediately realized he _had_ hit the weak point. He followed through, and sliced the Zamzasa into two pieces before accelerating away as sparks flew from the dying machine.

He wasn't done yet.

He could see the fleet approaching, trying to circle around the _Minerva_ like sharks.

He was going to wipe them out too.

Windams tried to get in his way, but he defeated them all in one swing apiece. He flung his beam boomerang at two and cleaved them in the cockpit, destroying both machines, and bludgeoned his way through.

He _would_ protect Meyrin.

As long as she cared for him, he would not abandon her.

* * *

Feizhi coughed blood violently as sparks flew around her cabin, as miniature explosions set off all over the Zamzasa. She was out of power, she couldn't even ram the _Minerva_ in a kamikaze strike.

She was completely useless in her final moments.

And she had come so _close_!

"Neo, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to disappoint you . . ."

The Zamzasa exploded.

* * *

Stellar stared in horror as the Zamzasa was incinerated. Her GUNDAM was badly damaged, she couldn't believe Shinn had rammed through her like she was nothing. But defeating the Zamzasa, which had been throwing him around like a rag doll?

How had he managed to do that?

How?

And why had he treated Stellar like that, like she was his enemy?

Why?

Stellar began to shake. She had failed her mission, and now Shinn seemed to hate her. Or had made his choice. Something.

She had no choice but to try to make it back to base. She was losing energy fast with her machine's injury. Fighting was completely pointless, especially with her objective a smoldering pile of wreckage falling towards the ocean.

But what Shinn had done had shaken her to the core. She hadn't raised a finger in self-defense, all she had done was try to reason with Shinn. And he had just charged through her like a man possessed.

She heard Sting's voice._ "Stellar! Are you all right?"_

"I'm still here," Stellar said.

_"Get back to base! Auel and I will try to catch the Impulse! He's attacking the fleet directly!"_

"He's what?" Stellar's eyes widened. Shinn wasn't that brazen, was he?

He was fighting like a man _possessed_ . . .

What if he had fallen prey to the same rage that had taken Stellar over twice before? What if he suffered from the same thing?

"Sting, please, don't kill him," Stellar said.

_"I can't make promises. But I _will_ stop him,_" Sting said. Immediately, Chaos and Abyss went flying towards the Impulse, and Stellar was left helpless.

All she could do now was retreat, and wonder what had befallen Shinn.

* * *

Neo Roanoke was angry.

The Zamzasa had cost more than it had to produce those GUNDAM machines from the last war _combined_. It was the most expensive piece of machinery put to war yet. Feizhi Aloquin had been a determined pilot whose motivation was to prove that she was just as good of a soldier as everyone else. She had a bias against the Slants, but she did not let it control her.

She had been a good soldier, and she had been completely wasted along with the Zamzasa, unless she had miraculously ejected in time.

What had destroyed the mighty Zamzasa, the replacement for Mobile Suits?

A Mobile Suit, of course. One of the GUNDAMs.

_Damn those things,_ Neo thought. _They're always getting in my way, whether in the last war or this one_.

Stellar Loussier was retreating back to base, her machine wounded by a blow from the same GUNDAM that had wiped out the Zamzasa. Now, that GUNDAM was wreaking havoc on the left flank. The Impulse GUNDAM was literally _cleaving_ ships into chunks, and leaving them all to explode.

Sting and Auel were in pursuit, but Neo knew that neither pilot would likely stand a chance. Neo briefly considering suiting up himself, but he knew it was pointless in the end. He probably wouldn't be able to stop the Impulse either.

But if nothing could stop the Impulse . . .

_This is why everyone keeps returning to the GUNDAM design. Few things can cause such destruction in a compact package like those machines._

But then, the reports worsened.

An ensign cried out from his console "We've got Mobile Suits coming from behind! They're assaulting the right flank!"

"From behind?"

"Bringing up visual!"

Neo was dumbstruck to see the Justice GUNDAM flying around his right flank, decimating the fleet there. How or why it was doing there baffled Neo to no end, but there it was. And Neo had nothing that could stop that thing. Nothing other than the lost Zamzasa . . .

With the left flank under heavy pressure, and the right flank being obliterated, he was out of options. He was taking far too many casualties. He was going to have to wait for reinforcements before he could try again.

The politicians weren't going to be happy about this.

"Pull back," Neo growled. "We're not going to win this battle, too many intangibles have gone their way."

The captain of the _Girty Lue_ nodded. "Good idea, Roanoke. Best to wait for reinforcements, right?"

"We don't have much of a choice," Neo said. "We're going to need to overwhelm them with sheer numbers next time."

That was the modern-day equilvalent to the Russians sending thousands of soldiers at a time to die to German machine-guns in World War II. But the Russians had ultimately won that war, at a Pyrrhic cost. With three GUNDAMs on the ZAFT side and no Zamzasa on his, it was looking like Neo was going to have to use that strategy to win this time.

But Neo was prepared to do that.

He had hundreds of thousands of soldiers to send to die. All that mattered . . . was _victory_.

* * *

Talia Gladys was still in disbelief twenty minutes after the battle. A hopeless situation had turned into a truly miraculous victory. They had been all about to die, and suddenly, there was salvation. Coordinators were generally athiest or agnostic, Talia included, but today was the closest she had come to believe there was a God.

From the cameras in the hangar bay, Shinn was being fawned over by his Slant contemporaries. He had been a role model of sorts, a symbol of hope, and now he had proven himself a great hero in that machine. The decision to put Shinn in the Impulse GUNDAM, possible disloyalties and all, had completely paid off. Talia almost couldn't believe it.

Perhaps the most incredible moment, though, was seeing Andrew Waltfield standing right before her. He looked extremely battle-scarred, and was missing an eye and wearing a prosthetic, but he had never been a more welcome sight.

"General Waltfield," Talia said, smiling as she spoke. "What brings you out here?"

"I couldn't let such an uneven fight go on," Waltfield said. "I did what I could. Problem is, I used up the METEOR's energy blasting through the fleet. The _Minerva_ doesn't have the recharging ports for it, so it is dead weight."

"It doesn't matter. Part of the reason we're alive today is because of you," Talia said.

"Yeah, about staying alive," Waltfield said as he scratched the back of his head. "I believe I'm considered a traitor by many in the Supreme Council, so . . ."

"Don't worry, I can arrange to have the charges dismissed. I am sure you're going to be eating several demotions, though," Talia said.

"That's fine," Waltfield said. He looked around the ship with his one good eye. "I came here to do what needs to be done."

That was a good enough answer for Talia. "All right, Waltfield, I've bothered you enough. I believe you should meet up with Dearka's team and plan out a coordinated battle plan with them. You being here evens the odds nicely."

"I'll do that, thanks," Waltfield said, and he walked away, though not before giving her a salute, which she returned.

Now, Talia could return to other duties.

Like finding out _why_ Waltfield was here, and _how_ Shinn Asuka had been able to do that.

She wasn't sure she wanted to know the answers.

* * *

Lacus was shaking her head violently as she was watching the news. Even during the worst moments of the Bloody Valentine War, Athrun had never seen Lacus so frustrated.

"I can't believe this," she said finally. "Why are they doing this? The last war was bad enough! Do we need to completely destroy the current generation to realize how _insipid_ restarting the war is?"

"I don't know," Athrun replied.

Lacus buried her face in her hands. "And now you say Cagalli's dragging Orb into the war."

"She doesn't have much of a choice, unless she wants to be politically marginalized," Athrun said. "Cagalli's still a friend, and the only member of the Alliance that has any political influence right now. She has to stay in position in order for any chance of peace being negotiated."

"And what's this about General Waltfield being dispatched to the ZAFT?" Lacus asked.

"That one's new, something I got from Ms. Ramius just a short time ago, right after I got through to Miriallia. We need an obvious plant in the ZAFT to draw attention from Dearka. Waltfield is going to eat all of the suspicions while Dearka and his people can do the actual investigating, and see why the ZAFT wants to refight the war."

Lacus nodded. "At least I'm glad we're remaining active. Maybe we can stop the conflict quicker this time."

"Right now, we should be glad there's only been one battle fought so far," Athrun said.

Athrun then realized he was going to eat his words, as the broadcast shifted focus to ZAFT attacks in Madagascar and Sydney. Athrun's jaw dropped. The ZAFT had a counterattack planned, all right. Maybe it had even been the initial war plan before the battle by Orb.

"Never mind," Athrun said softly.

"These are just the first battles," Lacus said. "There will be more. The fighting will ignite along all fronts. Europe, South America, North America, Africa, Asia, Oceania, _everywhere_. If the last war was this generation's World War I, this war will be the World War II."

"Then I hope we have a new Greatest Generation," Athrun said softly.

"Do we?" Lacus asked.

Athrun didn't have a ready answer. Instead, he got up and began walking towards the door. It was best to leave now, anyway, he had accomplished what he was here for other than contacting Dearka, which Waltfield would do anyway. He didn't want to see Kira's issues flaring again.

He finally said "I hope we do, Lacus."

Lacus got up and walked towards the door. "Be careful, Athrun. And tell Cagalli not to lose sight of what she believes in for the sake of power."

"Trust me, I was going to tell her that anyway," Athrun said.

They hugged each other, and then Athrun walked into the cool nighttime air, heading to the first home he had had since Junius Seven.

The home he would soon share with Cagalli.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Rewrites**

_How did I get into this and how do I get out of it again, how does it end?_  
-Soren Kiergerarrd

Stellar was still mystified the day after the battle. The Earth Alliance was already in hot pursuit of the _Minerva_ and her reinforcements, but they hadn't caught the ZAFT ship yet. In any case, Stellar's GUNDAM was still too badly injured to fly. Replacement parts were hard to come by, apparently. Rumor had it they were stripping secret GUNDAM prototypes to maintain the stolen ZAFT machines.

But that was only rumor, rumor that hadn't been substantiated. Which meant Stellar in general had no idea what was going on.

It was frustrating to feel this way.

Even Auel looked serious as he toyed with his mystery meat ration. "We got our asses kicked yesterday."

"No kidding," Sting said. "I thought we had them too. We wiped out their escort ship so _easily_."

"And then the Zamzasa got blown up," Auel said with a sigh.

Sting eyed Stellar. "Your boyfriend blew it up and cost us the battle."

Stellar glared at Sting. "Shinn is fighting for his side just like we're fighting for ours. That's the way war is."

"Auel remembers you promising time and time again that you'd bring Shinn on our side," Auel said.

Stellar clenched her fists, and took a deep breath. She wanted to punch Auel's lights out, but that would solve nothing. Auel was right. She _had_ promised that Shinn would defect, and it had never happened.

In fact, the opposite could have happened instead. _Stellar_ could have defected. She knew she would if it was the only way to be with Shinn.

Or did she?

Would she abandon her friends for the rest of her life just to be with Shinn? Unlike Shinn, she had friends here. She had people who respected her. Life was _comfortable_ in a way. But if she left for ZAFT, she would be considered inferior and close to useless. Slants were second-class citizens, maybe even third class. They were considered alien people for entirely different reasons than they were here.

Despite the likelihood of her friends becoming foes and respect being a thing of the past, she was still tempted to defect. It didn't feel right to be fighting against Shinn, more so than it felt right fighting with her friends.

Her heart was telling her to go to Shinn. Her head was telling her to stay here.

She wondered how long it would be until Roanoke found out about her relationship with Shinn. How long before they all discovered an EA ace that they all counted on was in love with a ZAFT pilot. Would they consider her a traitor? A mole? Would she be thrown into the brig and then executed? Or just thrown into the brig and never see the light of day?

Auel raised an eyebrow. "Geez, Auel's never seen you so sad."

"You don't know me," Stellar whispered.

Auel's other eyebrow went up. "What?"

"Nothing," Stellar said, and she stood up from the table and picked up her half-eaten ration. "Nothing at all."

As she walked over to the garbage disposal where she tossed her slab of _something_ that was supposed to be steak, she suddenly heard a disturbance from the hallway.

"_God damn it_! Where is he? Where is the Impulse? Where is it?"

_That voice!_ Stellar dropped her food, carrying pan and all, into the disposal, and ran outside as the disposal grinded the pan, causing plastic shards to fly everywhere. The chaos was ignored by Stellar, though, as she saw someone she never expected to be alive again.

Feizhi Aloquin, smelling vaguely of fire and charred flesh, the entire right side of her face covered in messy, bloody bandages, was being wheeled down the hall by paramedics. Her left hand was outreached towards the ceiling. Her left arm and hand looked like the only parts of her body that were completely unscathed.

And her soft, gentle voice had been distorted into a cracking, raspy shriek. "Where is that damn Slant? Where is the _Minerva_? Let me kill them! Abominations need to die!"

"Feizhi," Stellar said softly as the cart wheeled past her. The paramedics stopped the cart, and eyed her curiously.

"You're a friend?" the male paramedic asked.

"Yes, let me come with you," Stellar said, and she ran beside the cart as the paramedics wheeled her down.

"How did you find her?" Stellar asked.

"We've been picking up survivors all day from the battle site," the female paramedic said. "We found life signs around where the Zamzasa exploded. She's in critical condition."

Stellar looked at Feizhi, who was still staring at the ceiling with her good eye intently, like a demon was emerging above.

"It's all right, Feizhi. We're here for you," Stellar said.

Feizhi's good eye widened and looked directly into Stellar's eyes. Her voice became a harsh whisper. "You."

_Uh oh._

"You _bitch_!" The left arm immediately went straight for Stellar's neck and pinched Stellar's throat. Stellar's legs were caught in the cart and it nearly flipped over in the hallway, and both paramedics fell to the ground as their momentum carried them past the cart.

Stellar's hands immediately reached up, and barely yanked Feizhi's hand away from her throat. The girl was surprisingly strong for someone in so much pain and had lost so much blood.

"Where the hell were _you_, Slant bitch? You were supposed to protect me! Superior blood my ass! I oughta kill you for letting the Coordinators ruin my life!"

The male paramedic had recovered enough to immediately put himself between Stellar and Feizhi.

"Maybe it's best that you don't see her until she's sedated," he said.

"Yeah," Stellar said. "This was a bad idea."

The paramedics wheeled Feizhi down the hallway, turned the corner, and vanished, leaving Stellar alone.

_I tried, Feizhi, it wasn't my fault._

But despite that thought, Stellar knew she was lying to herself.

_It didn't have to happen. I could have shot Shinn down. Then Feizhi wouldn't be like this._

But she had chosen love over her duty. And this was the price paid for that.

Had she paid her price for not attacking Shinn? Or was her punishment just beginning?

Stellar wasn't sure she wanted to know.

* * *

Somehow, Reverend Malchio had managed a miracle.

He had managed to get into Orb right before diplomatic relations had been severed. With him came five young orphans and a young Coordinator schoolteacher who had been jailed during the brief Patrick Zala regime, Senna Maskew.

Senna had been a pacifist who had resisted conscription after the Bloody Valentine massacre, but wasn't punished for it until Zala came to be in power. Prison had left a thick slash across her cheek that extended in a curve towards her chin, but Kira thought the woman still looked pretty. She looked nearly as pretty as Lacus did, actually, in a more homely way.

Five seconds into staring at Senna's blue eyes and wavy orange-ish hair, Lacus had elbowed Kira in the stomach. Any thoughts of having eyes for Senna vanished from Kira's mind.

Senna had raised an eyebrow and adjusted her glasses at the sight. "You're not my type anyway," she had said.

Kira had promptly hung his head in shame.

Three hours later, the kitchen seemed more crowded than usual. The small table the adults sat at was suitable for two or even three, but with four it was hard for their elbows not to bump each other when passing the food around.

Malchio smiled. "We're going to need a bigger table."

Senna sighed. "Sure, blame the new teacher for everything."

Kira remained silent, as did Lacus. Kira knew full well why _he_ was remaining silent, but he had no clue why Lacus had no interest in conversation.

Senna looked at Lacus. "You know, even though you look less like Lacus Clyne than your doppleganger, I _know_ its you."

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?" Lacus asked.

"They forgot an important detail with their fake Lacus I don't think anyone's noticed. They haven't changed her enough. The fake Lacus barely looks any older or wiser than you from three years ago. _You_, on the other hand, _look_ like an older, wiser Lacus Clyne."

"How much older?"

"I dunno, maybe twenty-five, twenty-seven."

"I'm _twenty_."

Senna froze. "Oops. Well, I never paid much attention to you when you were big any-"

Senna froze again. "Oops."

Lacus sighed. "How old are you?"

"Uh, twenty-seven."

"_You_ look twenty, other than the big slash across your face."

"I've been told I have good genes," Senna said, chuckling nervously. "Not that I'm saying _you_ don't have good genes, Lacus, but I . . . well . . ."

"Go on, say it," Lacus said, folding her arms.

_They are not getting off on the right foot,_ Kira thought.

Senna, obviously eager to change the conversation, looked at Kira. "Uh, I recognize you too. You were involved in ending the war if I remember right."

"I fired the last shot in a lot of ways," Kira said.

"The world can't thank you and the Orb enough. You people saved the Earth from a swift death and the PLANTs from a slow, creeping one."

"Thanks," Kira said. _Wait until she finds out my problems,_ Kira thought.

Senna looked away. "I believe all fighting is wrong, but I'll admit that I have a naive outlook. I want to believe that by refusing to fight others will refuse too, but that doesn't happen the way you want it to."

"That's true," Lacus said. "You can't just set an example. You need to have charisma. You need to _motivate_ people to follow you."

"Which is something you're remarkably good at," Senna said, with a small smile. "I'm curious as to why you did not pursue politics. Why did you choose to withdraw from public life, Lacus Clyne?"

It was a question Lacus despised answering, but it wasn't because of anger at her current position. She just hated the way people viewed her choice, like she was crazy. And she answered this question the same way every time.

"I choose to take care of those who were left alone because of war," Lacus said. "Orphaned children deserve to be loved and educated as much as any child."

"And I agree with you, otherwise I would not have taken this job," Senna said. She smiled again in that thin way. "I apologize for all of the questions, but I like feeling my new associates out thoroughly."

Malchio laughed. "She was asking me questions all the way back from the PLANTs. You two have gotten off easy."

_I just hope she doesn't probe me too much,_ Kira thought.

Then, all of a sudden, the phone rang. Lacus picked it up. "Athrun, what is it?"

Kira couldn't hear a word, but Lacus was _livid_. She leapt to her feet and began shouting into the phone. "Are they crazy? What the _hell_ is the Earth Alliance doing? Can't you get Cagalli to make them stop? What do you mean, no? Get them to call it off, damn it!"

It took a _lot_ to make Lacus curse. And Kira could guess why.

"Nukes, isn't it?" he asked.

Lacus' eyes peered towards Kira, and she nodded. She calmed down then, after taking a long, deep breath. "Yes, Athrun, I'm sorry. I know Orb is still independent from the Earth Alliance and everything. It's just . . . everything is so _aggravating_. And now the EA is putting everything at the risk of doomsday."

"What's going on?" Senna asked.

Lacus responded by hitting the holoview. Athrun's image appeared in front of everyone. Other than a brief pause where he seemed surprised to be looking at everybody, he didn't react to Lacus' switch from private call at all.

_"The Earth Alliance is doing this to try to cripple the PLANTs. Problem is, according to the info Dearka's ferried to Orb, the PLANTs are much better defended from nuclear attack. We're trying to get our intel to the EA as quickly as possible to get them to call this off. All this will do is get an Earth fleet killed."_

"Then concentrate on doing that, call us back when you're done," Lacus said, and she killed the connection. She looked at everyone. "Well . . . this is probably something that shouldn't be mentioned to the students."

Senna chuckled sarcastically. "They'll skip class because the world could be ending. What would be the point?"

Even Lacus managed a small lopsided smile at that remark. "Right."

She sighed. "Let's get everything set up for tomorrow. Kira and I have a meeting in a couple of days, but we should be able to show you around and give you an introduction to everything, Senna."

Senna nodded. "Looking forward to it."

Kira supposed he was glad someone was looking forward to _something_, with the world on the verge of falling apart for the second time in three years.

* * *

Distant flashes were all that was needed to tell Gilbert the story.

The Earth Alliance had gambled on shortening the war by wiping out the PLANTs. The gamble was failing. Their fleet was being chewed up not just by the ZAFT fleet, but by the automated and manned defenses set up all around and on the PLANTs. The few nuclear missiles being shot off were being stopped well before they could cause real damage.

There had been a couple of other Earth fleets approaching the system. Their assistance could have made things more difficult for the ZAFT, but just as they had been about to enter the battle, they had pulled back. And now, the tiny remnant of the first Earth fleet was desperately trying to flee.

Gilbert had no intentions of letting them get away. He needed to make a point. The Earth Alliance needed to be believe he had no mercy. That way they wouldn't try this strategy again.

And he did have mercy. If he didn't, he would've tried to destroy the other two Earth fleets. But the illusion was there by destroying this one.

"I see you're finally giving Lacus Clyne her excuse to become pro-ZAFT," Meer said.

Gilbert turned around. The genetic Method actress was still in her Lacus Clyne form, her voice a flawless imitation of the real thing. Her face, however, looked just a bit too smug to be a perfect match for Lacus.

"The Earth Alliance just attempted to use nuclear weapons to destroy us all," Gilbert said.

"They're scared," Meer said. "The _Minerva_ escaping from them's already made them desperate. The East Asians are afraid of losing control. Naomi Mitsuda obviously isn't as mentally stable as you pegged her to be."

"Either that or this decision was out of her hands, and there's a good possibility of that," Gilbert said. Naomi Mitsuda was a smart, crafty woman, but she was losing the game. He had the leader of the EA reacting to every move he made. No one could win purely by reacting.

The flashes were becoming fewer and farther between. The battle had to be nearly over. Another victory was coming for the ZAFT.

"So," Meer said, "Care to tell me why you've restarted the war?"

"If you're trying to seduce me, Lacus Clyne's form is paradoxical for those aims."

Meer just laughed. "I suppose so! I guess a more womanly form would be better!"

"Don't bother, Meer. I have a new speech for you to deliver."

Meer sighed. "Of course. I must condemn the Earth Alliance now."

"Good. Now no duplicity this time. I want my message heard, however you can deliver it."

"Yes, sir," Meer said with another sigh, and she turned and walked away.

Actresses were always bothersome. They were narcissitic, thinking they were all more important than everyone else, thinking it was all about them, and trying to get attention. Meer was no different. The problem was actually worse with her because she was a good actress.

But he had to tolerate Meer. His plan was only just getting underway, and Meer was important to continue the plan. There would come a time where she wouldn't be needed, but that wasn't due to happen yet.

But a lot of things were due to happen.

And Meer was going to set some of them in motion.

His enemies were going to set others.

And what remained, he'd do himself.

And then, he'd see if all of his efforts would bear the fruition he sought, once and for all.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty-Five: "I can't do it" **

_History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it._  
-Winston Churchill

There was a dragnet closing in on them. Talia Gladys could see it, as she stared at the holographic map arrayed in front of her. Radar had picked up dozens of Earth Alliance ships charging after the _Minerva_ and her motley group of reinforcements as they fled to Madagascar, one of the few Earth territories controlled by the ZAFT. The chase had been going on for the last two days, and Talia hadn't been able to get a bit of sleep, bags were forming under her eyes. She knew that she was approaching collapse, but she had to make sure the ship, and the crew, was safe.

It was important they made it there. Madagascar had a Mass Driver. It was the only way the _Minerva_ could escape back into Space, where the ZAFT was on a more equal footing with the Earth Alliance. This was doubly important because the Earth Alliance had to know this too. The _Minerva_ could be making its escape under heavy fire.

If the ZAFT was going to make any permanent gains in this war, they were going to need to seize more land, before the Earth Alliance took all of it. Africa and some regions of South America were traditionally sympathetic to the ZAFT, but their militaries were poorly trained and equipped, they had to rely on the ZAFT for any protection. This meant that if the ZAFT buckled, even briefly, their only allies on Earth would be doomed.

Talia knew that Gilbert Durandal had a plan. Men like him always did. But right now, she couldn't see it.

Though, perhaps, she had someone who could.

Andrew Waltfield emerged onto the bridge, a sheepish look on his face. "I've been busted down to Colonel."

"But you're not facing a firing squad, are you?" Talia asked.

"No."

"Good. Now, I need your help, _Colonel_ Waltfield. I need to come up with a defense for when the Earth Alliance catches us again."

"Right," Waltfield said, and he sighed as he pored over the same information Talia had.

He cleared his throat. "It looks like the Earth Alliance is trying to marshal reinforcements. They could catch us within hours if they wanted to, but it seems they're planning something more."

"Like what?" Talia asked.

"Probably seizing Madagascar," Waltfield said.

Talia nodded. "Good. I was testing you. You still have strategic knowledge, Colonel Waltfield."

Waltfield gave her a lopsided smile. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means your civilian life hasn't made you stupid. Now I need your help with planning a defense for when the Earth Alliance assaults Madagascar," Talia said. "They'll be trying to make sure we can't get away, so they'll either go for us directly or attack the Mass Driver."

"I'd attack the Mass Driver," Waltfield said. "That way escape will be much more difficult for the _Minerva_. But, then again, hurl enough ships at us, and we'll go down anyway, and you can seize Madagascar, and the Mass Driver, at your leisure."

"Madagascar's Mass Driver is only useful for the enemy, though. It's not war-winning for the Earth Alliance," Talia said.

"It doesn't have to be. That Mass Driver is one of the few places in the world where ZAFT forces can launch from Earth into space. It goes down, and we're in deep trouble." Waltfield cleared his throat again, and yawned. "Damn, I need some coffee."

"There's some instant in the kitchen," Talia said.

"I _hate_ instant," Waltfield said, almost like he was pouting.

"That's all we have. Unfortunately, you no longer have the privilege of making your infamous 'special blends', Colonel Waltfield," Talia said. She was hoping that her constant use of 'Colonel' would make the man realize his place. He was of a lower rank than her now, as she was captain of a whole ship and he only was part of the Mobile Suit contingent.

"I know. I should have brought my blend with me," Waltfield said. He looked at the map again. "Madagascar won't be besieged, though. That's one thing we have on our side. That island is just too big to be surrounded. The EA has no choice but to make a frontal assault to take us down or the Mass Driver down."

"So, if we have to, there is an escape," Talia said.

"Yes, though that means the only place we can go is South America," Waltfield said. "There's a few places that are sympathetic. Not the Brazilian Republic, they're allied with the North Americans, but there's a couple of countries near Panama that tend to see things our way."

Talia shook her head. "Crossing the whole Atlantic Ocean . . . not looking forward to it."

"We're already speeding through the Indian Ocean. What's one more?" Waltfield said with a grin.

Talia wondered where the man got his optimism from. "I suppose from that perspective you're right. What's one more?"

She sighed. "We'll be in Madagascar in roughly eight days. Put everyone on high alert. We don't know when the Earth Alliance will decide to swoop in on us."

"I'll get right on that, ma'am," Waltfield said, and he left the bridge.

Talia sighed. Eight days. That's all she needed. Eight days, then she'd be able to get back into space, and out of this nightmare.

But time was something that was never granted to the military. It was always something taken away.

And she had little precious time to lose.

What a sad picture.

* * *

He supposed he should be happy that she was still alive. This meant she could still be useful, she could still fight, she could continue to strive.

But, on the other hand, it would almost be better if she had died. It was obvious the woman was no longer mentally stable, and that meant she could no longer be trusted with expensive military equipment. She was a decent possibility for a kamikaze or friendly fire now. Not something he wanted to consider.

But here she was.

Feizhi Aloquin, who had miraculously survived the destruction of the Zamzasa to be carried into a hospital ward, and was now heavily sedated after attempting to choke one of the pilots. Despite the sedation, there were times she still seemed to be intense and alert, and she knew full well who was standing over her.

"Neo," Feizhi whispered.

"I'm here," Neo Roanoke said.

"I failed you. I wasted so much money and time. I should have been ready for it . . ."

"You managed to take one of their ships out with a single blast. That is something even a GUNDAM has difficulty doing," Neo said, trying to keep her placated. He knew of soldiers who could break through sedation, and Feizhi had that potential. It was best to keep her mollified, so she would not burn off the narcotics and pain-killers.

Then things could potentially get ugly.

"One ship wasn't worth the cost," Feizhi whispered.

"You took out hundreds of ZAFT personnel. That stands for something, Feizhi," Neo said.

"I want to go back out there," Feizhi said. "I'm going to kill the Impulse. I'm going to smash it into little pieces."

_That's what I'm afraid of._

"Just concentrate on recovering. I'll give you a new role soon enough," Neo said. "But now, I have something else that needs to be done. This war isn't over, not by a long shot."

"Those Slants," Feizhi said. "They failed to protect me."

"They did all they could," Neo said, and that was honestly the truth. They had manhandled the ZAFT forces, up until the Impulse had gone berserk and went on a rampage. No one could have stopped the GUNDAM then.

"No. That Stellar girl, she hesitated. She didn't destroy the Impulse when she had the chance," Feizhi said, determination in her voice.

That was news to Neo. By most accounts Stellar had accounted for herself well in that battle. Why would she hesitate before a GUNDAM when she was piloting one herself? He wasn't sure how much of this was the truth and what was Feizhi's hazy mind distorting things, but it was worth investigating. Feizhi wasn't the type to lie, and she never showed any sign of being biased against the Slants.

All she wanted was a chance to prove herself, and she had seen that chance literally explode in her face. Her entire right side was burned, and so was much of her midsection. Only parts of her left arm, leg, and the left side of her face had escaped damage. This was going to cost a small fortune in surgery in order to repair her appearance and fix all of her wounds so she could fight again.

Feizhi Aloquin, the compact, underrespected Mobile Armor pilot, who strove only for respect. Now, she must feel she had none of that, not after being beaten so easily. Neo could understand, but he also knew that Feizhi's inferiority complex was dangerous now. She would have to be handled with special care right now.

"I'll investigate the matter personally. Just rest. I'll get to the bottom of this," Neo said.

Feizhi nodded slowly. "Thank you."

And then she was asleep, just like that.

She must really have something against Stellar Loussier in order to fight strong sedatives meant to put Coordinators asleep for so long. This meant that either Feizhi was completely insane or Stellar really had held back, which meant Stellar was a liability.

He was going to get to the bottom of this.

And get a plan ready in case the worst was true.

* * *

_"Hello again."_

_He saw the girl again, just standing in front of him, illuminated by an eerie glow that effected her and only her among a sea of pitch black._

_"Not you again. Leave me alone!" he yelled._

_"You haven't been listening to me. Do I need to show you my demonstration again?"_

_"I don't want to see it. Just leave me alone. You're not real!"_

_"I _was_ real."_

_He looked back at her, and there she was, standing ever so resolute. "You were, huh?"_

_"I died for my big brother. He sacrificed so much for me, so I made the ultimate sacrifice for him. I promised him I would always protect him. I cannot protect him from what is coming. This is something you have to do."_

_Why me?" he yelled._

_"Because you're the Ultimate Coordinator," she said._

_He was stunned. "How do you know that?"_

_"I would tell you if I was allowed to." She looked away for a second. "I can say this. You have this type of extrasensory perception, a psychic flash. That's how I can communicate with you. That's how I can still communicate with my big brother."_

_"Great, so I'm even more special! Leave me the hell alone!"_

_"If I left you alone, your nightmares would return," she said._

_He froze. "What?"_

_"You haven't noticed you haven't been having nightmares lately?" she asked._

_He tried to think about it. Come to think of it, he either hadn't been dreaming at all or he had been talking to this girl for the last few days . . . was she telling the truth? Had she been shielding him from his nightmares?_

_How was that possible?_

_He had so many questions, but then the girl turned, and seemed to begin emanating away. "I must go, Kira. Please, you must recover as soon as possible. You're running out of time. You must save my brother."_

_"Why your brother? Why is he so special?"_

_"Because if he dies, so will everyone else," she said, without any emotion at all._

_And then, she was gone, leaving him to contemplate her words in the black.

* * *

_

It was the day of the meeting between the Three Ships Alliance members. Athrun Zala was tired from having to track everyone down _and_ organize everyone at a certain confidential meeting place when everyone could make it. A much harder task than anyone could have imagined, considering how the alliance had split. Many, many members could only make it through vidscreen, and that meant that everything had to be encrypted many times over so no one could listen in.

With Cagalli busy being a politician, and Lacus only able to offer limited help, Athrun had to rely on Murrue Ramius for everything. She was up to the task, though no expert. He tried not to stress her out too much, she was pregnant with a girl. Murrue's stomach was expanding, and Athrun wondered how it would feel if Cagalli got pregnant at some point.

Considering how uneasy he was just looking at Murrue, he was probably going to have a heart attack the day he and Cagalli had their first child.

Did all fathers feel that way? Andrew Waltfield had joked once that _men_ were the ones who fainted when their children were born, not the women who were actually going through childbirth. Athrun hoped it was a just an urban legend and Waltfield had just been having fun. Cagalli would never let Athrun live it down if he fainted when their first child was born.

Of course, before then, Cagalli would actually have to get pregnant.

And before that could happen, this crisis had to be resolved.

A door whisked open, and Cagalli Yula Athha entered the conference room. She sighed in an almost wistful way. "While I'm happy we had the foresight to build this place, it frankly _sucks_ that we actually have to use it."

Murrue shook her head. "It can't be helped. Not at this point."

Cagalli nodded. "At least this way we can actually plan a way to end this war before it gets much worse."

_Unlike last time,_ Athrun thought.

Cagalli looked at Murrue. "How many people can we trust in either the ZAFT or Earth Alliance forces?"

Murrue shrugged. "We have Dearka and Waltfield in ZAFT, plus there's a strong likelihood Yzak Joule will be on our side too. It's strange that unlike Dearka, though, Yzak hasn't made any attempt to communicate with us. It's like he's vanished off the face of the Earth.:"

Cagalli nodded. "But Yzak Joule has always put his nation first. He fought for the ZAFT even after Genesis was fired multiple times. He only changed sides reluctantly, after Dearka spoke to him in the battle." She sighed. 'We can't count on him."

Athrun spoke up. "What about the Earth Alliance? That's our weakest link."

Cagalli smiled deviously. "I have a friend in a very high place."

Athrun and Murrue both stared. "Who?" Athrun finally asked.

"You'll see," Cagalli said. "I've been having a _lot_ of productive talks with my contact over the last few days since war broke out. My contact thinks there may be a way to restart negotiations with the ZAFT and end the war. I-"

The door to the conference room shuttered open again, and this time it was Kira and Lacus. Athrun turned and smiled warmly. "You both made it."

Lacus nodded. "We both felt it's our responsibility to be here."

Cagalli walked over. "It's great to see you, Lacus."

Lacus scoffed. "Cagalli, maybe those words should be said to someone else _before_ me."

Cagalli froze, and then finally looked at Kira. "Oh," Cagalli said softly. "Kira. Hi."

Kira looked away. "Yeah, I know."

Cagalli sighed. "You're still . . . having problems, I see. Don't you ever eat?"

"I do eat," Kira said defensively.

Athrun immediately stepped in. Clearly distance had frayed the relationship, and attempting to fix it cold turkey was just going to make it worse. "Look, we have time to catch up later. Once this meeting's over, we'll have a talk and discuss the current _personal_ situation."

One of the vidscreens suddenly began to ring. Cagalli smiled. "My contact's early."

She walked over to the screen, and switched it on. Athrun promptly got the biggest non-battlefield shock of his life.

Cagalli's contact, the would-be Three Ships Alliance mole in the Earth Alliance, was none other than the leader of the Earth Alliance itself.

Naomi Mitsuda.

* * *

Stellar had no idea why she was being called into Neo Roanoke's office on the _Girty Lue_. All she knew was that it was urgent, and she could not skip this meeting for any reason whatsoever. She wondered why. Did someone finally tell Neo that she was in a relationship with a ZAFT pilot? If so, who did?

Neither Auel or Sting would bring themselves to do it. As much as they desired her, they both knew that if they pulled a stunt like this they'd never have a chance to date her. So it couldn't be them. But who else knew? Stellar's circle of friends were tiny.

Had Feizhi figured it out in the short time she had known Stellar?

That was the only possibility. It had to be. Feizhi seemed to revere Neo, and it seemed that Neo regarded Feizhi almost as a protege. He had probably given Feizhi a private hospital visit and she told him.

Her heart began to pound in her chest. She was afraid now. What was going to happen to her? Neo couldn't be _too_ ruthless, could he? He had to understand that she hadn't meant to get Feizhi hurt or have the Zamzasa destroyed, she had just been trying to get a ZAFT pilot, a Slant, to switch sides. It was a worthy decision!

She had to play it like that. Keep the personal feelings to a minimum. If she didn't, who knew what would happen. She'd probably get based in Siberia, if not court-martialed all together.

The door shuttered open when she approached it. Odd, usually commanders kept their offices locked. Stellar entered the office. "Hello?"

Neo's chair swung around, revealing his handsome, scarred face. "2nd Lieutenant, good for you to be so punctual."

Stellar gulped. "What is this about, sir?"

"2nd Lieutenant, I have an understanding from a witness that you hesitated to destroy a GUNDAM machine, the very same GUNDAM machine that went berserk moments later, destroyed the Zamzasa, and annihilated multiple ships of the Earth Alliance fleet." He paused. "Is this true?"

There was no use hiding it, Stellar knew the truth was showing on her face. "It is."

"Care to explain yourself?"

"Sir, I was trying to persuade the pilot to change sides. I know him personally and I believe he can be a valuable ally," Stellar said.

"It didn't work out too well, apparently. He seemed to have a rather _violent_ reaction to your 'persuasion', 2nd Lieutenant."

"I don't think that was it," Stellar said. "He didn't go berserk until the Zamzasa pinned him against the _Minerva_."

"Do you really think you can make him change sides?" Neo asked.

"Yes, sir," Stellar said.

"What if he won't?"

"I would fight him," Stellar said, perhaps a bit too slow in reaction.

Neo leaned forward. "I don't believe you, 2nd Lieutenant. There is something in your eyes that hints that this ZAFT pilot isn't _just_ a friend. I've seen that look on many pilots before. The relationship is something _more_ than friendship, isn't it?"

"So what if it is, sir?" Stellar asked, hoping against hope Neo wasn't leading this in the direction she feared it was.

Neo got up from his chair and began pacing. "I am not sure, 2nd Lieutenant, that you would be able to shoot this 'friend' down. You weren't able to pull the trigger once already. How can I think you can do it again."

He paused. "You can't do it, can you?"

Stellar bit her lip. "No. I can't do it. I love him, sir. He's . . . he's special to me. I almost got him to defect already, but his captain intervened and prevented him from leaving at a rendezvous. I _know_ I can convince him."

"While you're out _convincing_ him you're wasting time destroying the enemy or protecting your _real_ allies!" Neo yelled. "I can't have that, not when we _must_ either capture or destroy the Impulse! I will not tolerate subversion of this kind."

Suddenly, much to Stellar's surprise, Neo pulled out a weapon. It was a tranquilizer gun.

"You're really going to shoot me?" she yelled.

Neo shook his head. "As far as you're concerned, no. As for the future you will be concerned about, it was _Shinn Asuka_ who shot you."

Before Stellar could even finish her surprised thought, _He knows Shinn's name_, she was hit with the tranq dart. She could only look at her stomach, and see the dart firmly on her, and a slight pain arising from the impact.

Her eyes were already getting drowsy as she looked at Neo's increasingly blurry form. "Why?"

"Love only gets soldiers killed on the battlefield. I will take care of this problem, 2nd Lieutenant," Neo said, "And you will be the perfect, motivated soldier I, and my _superiors_, know you can be."

That was all Stellar heard before her world was completely shrouded in darkness.


	26. Chapter 26

SirLagginton: I haven't really done anything to sell this story, just been uploading chapters. I had hoped to catch up with the forum posting by now, and I haven't. No, Stellar has not been converted into an Extended, she's just getting her memories messed with like one. Maybe someday this will be worthy of being mentioned on TVTropes or something. XD

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Six: Break the Will**

_Men will fight long and hard for a piece of colored ribbon._  
-Napoleon Bonaparte

Even Athrun couldn't imagine how Cagalli had pulled this one off. This was a coup of impossible proportions. Cagalli had convinced the leader of the Earth Alliance to help the Three Ships Alliance faction. Not only assist, but join it.

Athrun had so many questions, but Naomi for her part didn't want to talk yet. _"This must be brief,"_ the woman said. _"My staff will wonder about me if I do not communicate with them for long."_

"We're hooking up the other connections, Ms. Mitsuda," Cagalli said. She nodded to Murrue, who immediately pluged in and activated the other connections.

Several other faces appeared on the screens. Athrun recognized them all. Miriallia Haw, who looked like she was using a handheld judging by its grainy quality. There was Dearka Elsman, along with an older girl Athrun recognized but didn't know the name of. Then there was Admiral Kisaka, who had just been deployed back into space and thus couldn't be present in the main meeting room.

In fact, now that Athrun thought about it, the meeting room _did_ look small. Even as the members of the Three Ships Alliance checked in, it was obvious that the group would not have cohesion. Everyone had gone their seperate ways since the end of the war, and it was going to be exceptionally difficult to get things done.

Cagalli nodded. "Hello, everyone. I think only one of us needs any introduction, and that would be Naomi Mitsuda, none other than the leader of the entire Earth Alliance."

Dearka was stunned. _"How can we trust her?"_

"Because she wants to end the war herself," Cagalli said.

Naomi Mitsuda spoke up for herself then. _"It is the belief of my top advisers and I that the Earth Alliance has been manipulated into restarting the conflict. There is Durandal's contradictory behavior and actions, of course, but there are other forces at work that are out to restart the war for their own specific agendas."_

"It is Ms. Mitsuda's knowledge of these other forces that the Three Ships Alliance sorely needs," Cagalli said. "That's why I invited her into the discussion. With her on our side, the Earth Alliance hopefully can be guided towards decisions that will end this war before we see the level of tragedy in the first war."

Mitsuda nodded. _"And, of course, with Cagalli Yula Athha, we also can hopefully push Orb in the same direction. The one government that cannot be pushed this way is the ZAFT."_

Athrun looked at Dearka. As he expected, Waltfield was not joining in on the discussion. Waltfield's job _was_ to be watched, he couldn't do anything without jeopardizing the entire alliance. This meant that Dearka had to shoulder everything, and let Waltfield know of developments as quickly and subtly as possible.

But there was one other face that wasn't there, someone Athrun knew very well.

"Yzak couldn't make it, Dearka?" Athrun asked.

Dearka paused. He bit his lip and looked down finally. _"Yzak is dead."_

Athrun's eyes widened. Yzak, dead? How could that happen? He had been shot down so many times in the last war and survived them all! How had he not escaped now?

Dearka answered his question before anyone else could._ "Yzak died in the Junius Seven disaster. He sacrificed himself to activate a Meteor Breaker so a large piece of the station wouldn't hit Mexico City. In his place, I have his close friend, Shiho Hassenfuss. She is a pilot just like me."_

Shiho appeared then, and she gave a quick bow. _"I'm here to end the war, just like the rest of you."_

After the standard "please to meet you"s, Miriallia interjected. _"What is this force that wants to restart the war?"_

Ms. Mitsuda folded her hands. _"There is an organization that is out to eradicate the Coordinators. We are talking complete genocide. They are called Blue Cosmos."_

Athrun had heard of the name before. It was rumored that Muruta Azrael, a principal of the Earth Alliance in the final battles, was a ringleader.

Mitsuda continued._ "They have a powerful lobby within the Earth Alliance, and many socialities and military officers are secretly members. When the Atlantic Federation and the Eurasian Federation both lost much of their power in the aftermath of Jachin Doe, they quickly maneuvered themselves into East Asia. They are exceptionally entrenched, and it is close to impossible to tell who's a member and who isn't. It is my belief, along with that of my advisers, that it was Blue Cosmos who leaked the footage of the battle in Junius Seven to galvanize hatred of the Coordinators."_

"So, in order to stop the war, we have to stop Blue Cosmos," Murrue said.

Mitsuda shook her head. _"That's half the battle. The other half is finding out what Gilbert Durandal is up to. And that's what our ZAFT pilots over there need to discover."_

There was muffled sounds, and Mitsuda sighed. _"I must be going. I'll do what I can from my position. Representative Athha, you must guide the rest of the meeting. I'll keep in touch, which should be easy, considering we are officially allies."_

And then she was gone.

Lacus shook her head. "So at least the shadowy part of the Earth Alliance finally has a name."

"How can we stop them, though?" Murrue asked.

Cagalli answered. "We'll need to keep probing Ms. Mitsuda for information. If we can do that, we can mount an operation and end them. Once Blue Cosmos is marginalized, the moderates will hopefully begin moves to end the war peacefully."

"But that's the question," Kira said. "How?"

There was a long silence. Finally, Cagalli said "We'll just have to wait and see. Now, I'm going to hand out our assignments to everyone. Let's start saving the world."

* * *

Shinn Asuka had spent most of the time confined in his room. He could tell that Rey za Burrel remained suspicious of him, and he wanted to avoid conversation. Lunamaria Hawke still didn't like him, and he didn't want Talia Gladys asking him if he was okay. He wasn't even sure if he wanted to see Meyrin Hawke right now.

He just wanted to be left alone.

He had attacked Stellar. He wasn't sure what possessed him to do it. But he had struck. He had felt this amazing, invincible feeling, guided by his sister or what seemed to be his sister, and he had struck. He had ravaged the Earth Alliance, and that was why the _Minerva_ wasn't at the bottom of the ocean.

But he had betrayed his girlfriend. The first person he had loved since his family had been systematically killed off. It just didn't seem worth it in the end, he was with people who thought he was scum, and the one person who cared about him probably felt more betrayed and hurt than he did.

Why?

Why did things have to turn out like this?

If Mayu hadn't died, he wouldn't have been so full of hatred. He could have been fighting alongside Stellar right now, maybe, instead of against her.

It just didn't seem worth it.

The door slid open, and Shinn turned towards it. It was Meyrin.

"Shinn, you know breakfast is ready in the hall," Meyrin said.

"I'm not hungry."

Meyrin sighed. "Look, we all could die in the next five minutes. The least you can do is eat so you have the energy to do something about it."

The cold logic of that ate at Shinn's brain. "All right, fine."

He got up and followed Meyrin down the hallway. She turned her head at him and smiled. "See? No big deal. Let's just relax and enjoy some instant eggs with instant juice and instant bacon."

"I hate 'instant' stuff."

"Yeah, but we get it instantly!"

"You've been dying to say that, haven't you?"

Meyrin laughed. "For months, actually."

_Figures_.

Shinn smiled at Meyrin's antics, but he knew that they were calculated. She was trying to cheer him up in her good-natured way, but she couldn't take his mind off of things.

Still, she was a genuinely good person. Shinn sized her up. Did her shoulders look a little broader than usual? She seemed to be curvier and stronger, almost like . . .

_Damn it, I'm putting Stellar's figure on Meyrin. I'm going crazy._

Meyrin turned back around and walked down the hallway backwards. "You feeling all right, Shinn? You're zoning out."

"I'm fine. Really."

Meyrin didn't look convinced, but she dropped the subject. They walked into the cafeteria, to find it was already close to deserted. Meyrin seemed fine with that. "I think you want the peace and quiet anyway, Shinn."

After they both got served their by-product filled meals, Shinn fidgeted with it but couldn't put more than a few mouthfuls into his stomach. He was just too worried about Stellar, he had no appetite at all.

Meyrin tried to start a conversation again. "I used to be a vegetarian. Then I realized that plants are being murdered too, just like animals. They're all equally dead. As I can't stop eating unless I want to be dead, I started eating meat again. Did you ever have a phase like that, Shinn?"

"No. Never really had the chance."

"Lunamaria's _still_ a vegetarian. No matter how hard I try to convince her, she still lives that lifestyle. It means she's always hungry when we're on a ship like this, where we can't exactly afford to have so many different diets. She never eats enough so she's always cranky and snaps at people."

"Interesting."

Meyrin frowned. "Shinn, come on. You'd feel a lot better if you just talked. It can be about anything."

"All I can think about is that I attacked my girlfriend in some kind of berserker rage that I still don't understand. That's all I can think about," Shinn replied.

Meyrin sighed. "I've heard about that actually. SEED mode."

"You know what that is?"

Meyrin smiled innocently. "I peeked at some documents I probably wasn't supposed to see. The captain left herself signed into one of the military databases and I had a peek around. For some reason nobody wants to publicly admit there is a SEED mode but it's practically common knowledge to anyone who checks out a conspiracy website."

"Great. Am I some science experiment?"

"No, you may merely have found a way to access the next stage of evolution for humans."

Shinn stared.

Meyrin stared back. "What?" she finally asked.

Shinn shook his head. "Never mind. You're making my head spin."

SEED mode . . . it was undoubtedly named for the fact that he had seen a seed shatter before he snapped and ruthlessly assaulted every enemy in sight. A seed the color of his eyes. Whatever that seed represented, it unlocked something, something powerful. Something that made him better than any opponent he could face/

What did it all mean?

Before he could think about it any further, warning sirens went off, and the captain's voice went on the intercom. "All hands to primary battle stations. We have an enemy assault upon the fleet. I repeat, all hands to primary battle stations." Meyrin looked shocked. "What's going on? I thought the Earth Alliance wasn't supposed to attack until we got to Madagascar?"

"Guess they have other ideas. I have to get to the hangar. I'll see you later," Shinn said.

Meyrin looked down for a second, before she met his gaze. Despite her effort to look pleasant, Shinn could tell she was disappointed, sad . . . and perhaps even _worried _about him. "Yeah. See ya."

Shinn took off then, and charged towards the hangar as fast as he could. He knew he needed to treat Meyrin better, she was just trying to be his friend, and he badly needed one. But he couldn't keep his mind off of Stellar. Something was just nagging at him. Like something was horribly wrong.

He nearly bumped into Rey za Burrel as he rounded a corner. Barely stopping in time, he managed to quickly turn and follow Rey without turning his ankle.

"Rey, you have any idea what's going on?" Shinn asked.

"We're under attack by a rogue Mobile Suit. Looks like a GUNDAM," Rey replied.

_Oh no,_ Shinn thought. "What GUNDAM is it?"

Rey's face remained grim even as he ran. "It looks like the Gaia."

_The Gaia? But isn't that . . .?_

Shinn suddenly froze.

_That's Stellar's GUNDAM!_

That meant only one thing.

_Oh crap, I'm in trouble.

* * *

_

The scene was an aftermath of complete, utter pandemonium. Neo Roanoke couldn't believe his eyes. Doctors were lying everywhere, unconscious, moaning, bleeding, limbs bent in unnatural positions.

And the subject was _missing_.

He found one conscious doctor and approached him. "What happened here?" he asked sharply.

The doctor didn't look like he was one-hundred-percent in reality. Neo wondered if he had a concussion. "She . . . she broke her restraints. After the treatments were completed, when she came to . . . "

He moaned unintelligibly then, and Neo shook him. "You completed the treatments?"

"Yes . . . her memory's been altered. Completely. I can assure you . . . it was a success."

Neo looked around the whole room. "Doesn't look like one for me."

"Her eyes . . . they weren't right."

Neo turned right back to the doctor. He had a suspicion that the answer to everything was about to be spoken. "What do you mean, they weren't _right_?"

"Her eyes looked possessed. Like there was no soul on the other end. Just anger. We tried to sedate her but adrenaline burned it all off. She broke her restraints, and threw all of us around, and ran down the hallway yelling about something."

_Damn it. I wasn't expecting the treatment to affect her this drastically,_ Neo thought. He now had a crazy soldier running around his ship. This was definitely bad.

But then, it got worse.

A female soldier ran up behind Neo and stopped, out of breath. Neo turned to her, and let the doctor fall to the ground where he could moan in peace. "Yes, Ensign?"

"We've had an unauthorized launch out of the Mobile Suit bay!" the soldier cried.

Neo's eyes widened. _It's just as I feared._

"Which Mobile Suit?" he asked, knowing the answer but still wanting to make sure.

"The Gaia, sir. We also have four wounded mechanics."

Neo nodded. "Go. Scramble an emergency team. The pilot of the Gaia is not . . . right in the head. Gaia must be recovered before it's too late."

"Yes, sir!" the woman charged off then, and Neo sighed.

_I should have tried to come up with a better way than messing with that girl's memory. Stupid doctors, if they made even one mistake, they could risk triggering a complete change in personality. I suppose they made _more_ than one mistake._

There was nothing that could be done about that now. He was going to have to fix his mistake. And get Stellar Louissier back to the way she was before everything really _did_ start going to hell.

Easier said than done.

This was going to take a lot of skill, and luck.

And likely him piloting a Mobile Suit himself.

Yes, that was it. He and his superiors had just been rash with Stellar. He could have just transferred her to Siberia or something. He had Feizhi Aloquin waiting in the wings to try to fly a GUNDAM. He didn't need Stellar Louissier, not after a few more days. If she wanted to object, she could get to experience the lovely Siberian winters for the rest of her tour.

But before he could do any of that, he had to get her back.

She had stolen one of his possessions.

* * *

The angel was not happy. "You're late."

_"I apologize,"_ the benefactor said. _"I was held up."_

"That's what you always say."

_"And it's always the truth,_" said the benefactor.

The angel shrugged. "Give me your report."

_"You have enemies, sir. They are looking to strangle you. They don't know where to look, and they don't know you exist, but they know Blue Cosmos exists._"

"Oh really now? Who are these enemies?" the angel asked.

_"They call themselves the Three Ships Alliance, sir. They seem to be the people who killed Muruta Azrael in the last war."_

The angel knew all about Muruta Azrael. That young man had been too rambunctious. He enjoyed personally destroying everything far too much. He could have been far more productive orchestrating everything from the shadows than trying to control people who wouldn't understand.

But at least, through his idiocy, Azrael had removed himself from the gene pool. He would no longer be polluting it with his immature anger.

But anyone who could kill a Blue Cosmos leader, even a stupid one, could not be taken lightly.

"Who is leading these fools?" the angel asked.

_"It appears to be none other than Cagalli Yula Athha,"_ the benefactor said.

The angel nodded. Suddenly, a plan developed in his head. He could use Cagalli. She had a weakness few knew about, but the angel did, thanks to his networks.

It was a weakness ridiculously easy to exploit.

"I understand," the angel said. "Keep watch on the Three Ships Alliance for now, Ms. Mitsuda. Do not show your hand. I'll have a way of neutralizing the Three Ships Alliance, and Ms. Athha, very soon."

The benefactor nodded. _"Thank you, sir. I will do what I can."_

The beautiful Japanese woman vanished from the screen, and the angel shook his head. He had still found a way to triumph. His plan was perfect. He had put a ringleader of Blue Cosmos into power, and not only that, had made her successfully pose as a maverick moderate.

The only flaw was that there was a possibility that the mask she wore would become her real face. Maybe it already had. Maybe she had already betrayed him and decided to embrace her moderate identity wholeheartedly. But even if she had, it wouldn't even stall his plans. He had ways of working around liabilities, and marginalizing those who didn't agree with him.

But still, she _was_ beautiful, in that refined, Asian way. Asian women were gorgeous, and they aged _so_ gracefully. Like the wine he loved to drink at the end of a long day.

Speaking of which, he was craving wine. It had been a couple of days since he last had a glass. It was as good of a time to celebrate as any, as it had taken mere seconds for him to figure out a way to wipe out the Three Ships Alliance once and for all.

He just needed to implement it.

And then, there would be no more obstacles at all. The Alliance had already done him the favor of destroying that imbecile Azrael, now he just needed to make sure the Alliance couldn't destroy him too.

It would be easy as snapping his fingers.

He was, after all, a living angel.

An angel of death.

And those he wanted to die would die the way he wanted them to.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty-Seven: Pride**

_A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature._  
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Surprisingly, only five Mobile Suits were launched, in addition to those already trying to fight the rampaging Gaia GUNDAM. It was Dearka's unit, including Shinn Asuka himself, who had to face off against Gaia. The ZAFT still wanted to retake their Mobile Suit intact, and they also wanted to keep reserves ready in case enemy reinforcements arrived.

None of this helped Shinn at all. At first, it seemed that his secret that his well-known Earth Alliance girlfriend was not in the GUNDAM would stay intact, but it didn't stay that way. The moment they turned on the general frequency Shinn found himself exposed.

Stellar was screaming in rage._ "Where are you, Shinn Asuka? You bastard! Get out here and fight me! Show yourself or I'll keep killing everybody!"_

There was an awed whistle. Then Lunamaria spoke. _"Lemme guess, your girlfriend, Shinn?"_

"Ex_-girlfriend, more likely,"_ Shiho Hassenfuss responded.

_"I say we punt Shinn in crazy girl's direction,"_ Lunamaria said.

_Gee, thanks,_ Shinn thought as they approached the battle scene, where Stellar's machine was standing on a sinking cruiser. Wreckage lay everywhere, of sunken ships and bits and pieces of destroyed Mobile Suits.

Dearka sighed. _"I'm not going to have fragging in the ranks, Luna. Now, let's come up with an actual _plan_."_

Stellar interrupted everyone again. _"Shinn Asuka! I know you're out there! Quit hiding! You sold me out and I'm going to make you pay!"_

Lunamaria whistled again. _"She seems _just_ a bit angry."_

_"Your 'punting' idea seems to have merit,"_ Rey za Burrel added.

_"Shinn, you really know how to pick 'em,"_ Shiho said.

_Lay off,_ Shinn thought. This was all his fault anyway. If he hadn't attacked Stellar . . .

That's what all of this had to be about, right? That he had attacked Stellar while protecting the _Minerva_? But she seemed so enraged it was like Shinn had attacked her personally, like with a gun or knife. Or had attempted some unspeakable act, for that matter.

Dearka took charge. _"Enough Shinn-abuse. He gets enough of that already. Like I said, we need a plan."_

_"I already came up with a plan,"_ Lunamaria grumbled.

_"That 'plan' is unacceptable,"_ Dearka said curtly.

Suddenly, Gaia took off and charged right at the Mobile Suit group full speed. "_SHINN!"_

_"Or we could _just run for our lives_!_" Lunamaria wailed.

Stellar charged right towards Shinn. In desperation, Shinn ignited his beam saber, but then he saw that he wasn't going to have it up in time. Stellar's reflexes were beyond belief, superhumanly fast. Not even Coordinators could pilot a machine so fast. And Shinn was just too slow.

_"Aw, hell,"_ Shiho growled, and she barely got her Zaku up in time to block the blow.

"Shiho!" Shinn yelled.

"_Shut up and help me!"_ Shiho shouted back.

Shinn didn't know what he could do. Fighting Stellar could just make it worse. He had to try to reason with her. But if he didn't strike now, Shiho wasn't going to hold on. Stellar was going to overwhelm her just like she had overwhelmed the entire ZAFT fleet up until this point.

He had to protect his wingmate. Shiho was all he had with him. If he let Shiho die, there was no way anyone in ZAFT would look him in the eye again.

So he attacked.

Beam saber clashed against beam saber. The exact same model, the Vajra.

"Stellar, stop it! This isn't like you!" Shinn yelled.

_"I loved you!"_ Stellar shrieked.

"I'm sorry! Stellar, please-"

_"'Sorry' doesn't mean anything anymore! You used me and tried to kill me!"_

Stellar ferociously struck several more times, and Shinn could sense that the Impulse was reaching its limit. "A little help here?" he yelled to no one in particular.

_"I can't get a clear shot, Asuka!_" Rey yelled. _"Get out of the way!"_

_Easier said than done, pretty boy._

Shinn tried anyway. He ducked under Stellar and tried to fly away, but Stellar immediately readjusted to his movements and was upon him in seconds.

Shinn blocked Stellar's lunge, then saw Stellar's _true_ attack too late. The Gaia stomped on the Impulse's chest, right on the cockpit, and sent Shinn and the Impulse spiraling towards the ocean below.

Shinn barely kept himself from falling into the water, and saw sparks flying all over his cabin. He had to retreat. If he didn't get out of here in time-

Stellar re-emerged right in front of him! _"You're dead!"_

Laser shots came in from the right, and one of them impacted the Gaia. Stellar yelled something unintelligible and flew off. Shiho's stressed but overall calm voice entered the frequency. _"Shinn, get out of here. You can't take another hit like that."_

"This is my fault. I have to-"

_"You stay in this battle you're gonna die!"_ Shiho yelled.

Stellar charged Shiho. The Zaku Warrior Shiho flew barely got its Tomahawk up in time to deflect the blow, but just like before, Shiho's machine was being stressed to its limits and was now out of position.

Shinn yanked out his beam rifle and shot wildly at Stellar before he could even realize what he was doing. It was all reflex. It wasn't until one of the beams hit Stellar's machine that he realized he had been shooting at his girlfriend with the intent to kill.

The Gaia's left leg was completely blown off. Stellar screamed in surprise and pain, and the Gaia fell away from Shiho out of control. Rey, Dearka, and Lunamaria, who had been circling the battle this whole time, immediately let loose with an all-out barrage on the Gaia. Stellar somehow managed to regain control of her machine to dodge the barrage and immediately make a run for it right above the ocean water.

"Thanks," Shiho said, perhaps slightly grudgingly.

"Yeah," Shinn replied, and he leaned back against his seat. He couldn't believe what he had just done. He didn't even have the excuse of SEED mode this time. He had really shot at Stellar with the intent to kill her. Even though it was to protect his wingmate it still didn't seem right to shoot at Stellar. Wasn't it just a short time ago that he had nearly defected to the Earth Alliance for her?

What the hell had happened?

Dearka spoke then. _"Shiho, Shinn, both of you get out of here. We'll take it from here. Get back to the _Minerva_."_

"Dearka," Shinn said, "Don't kill her. Please. Take her alive."

There was a pause. _"No promises."_

Then the Savior and its two escorts flew off, giving chase to the receding Gaia. And Shinn was left to wonder if he would ever see Stellar again.

* * *

Damn it.

Damn it, damn it, _damn it_.

Shinn Asuka should be dead. Blown to pieces. The memory of him shooting her in the stomach blazed within her. She could still see that evil, vicious captain handing Shinn the gun and ordering him to shoot her. And he obeyed, with no emotion on his face.

_I thought you loved me._

Love was something that she didn't have a lot of. She had been an orphan for as long as she could remember. She didn't even know if 'Stellar' was what her parents had named her or what the orphanage had named her. She thought she could have opened her heart to him, because he seemed to understand. He truly seemed to be what she had been missing for her entire life.

But this is what she got in return.

She wasn't going to rest until he was dead for what he did to her.

No one used a person like that. No one made her think she was the most precious thing in the world and then just _shoot_ her.

But now her machine was missing a leg, and even with her boiling anger she knew she could no longer fight. She had to run. Neo Roanoke was going to be so angry at her for damaging the Gaia, especially when the Earth Alliance was running so low on replacement parts. Maybe destroying a significant portion of the ZAFT fleet by herself would offset getting the Gaia beat up, but who knew what went through the man's head?

Lasers shot all around her. Three of the ZAFT machines were still chasing her. Shinn, the coward, wasn't among them. He was probably going to crawl away inside the _Minerva_.

Next time, she wasn't going to bother wiping out the fleet in sequential order. She was just going to destroy the _Minerva_ so Shinn wouldn't have anywhere to run.

Stellar took out her beam rifle and traded fire, but didn't come close to hitting anything. All she was doing was annoying them.

Annoying them wasn't going to be good enough if she wanted to get out of here alive.

These weren't normal pilots. They were elite. She could not run through them like she could the average ZAFT pilot, even when she was swarmed. That had been her mistake. She had forgotten that in her anger. She had to fight these pilots smarter, not harder.

But it was kind of late for that. They were catching up to her and it wouldn't be long before they surrounded her. And who knew what they'd do then?

_I won't get taken alive by them. I'm not going to have Shinn gloat at me!_

Suddenly, more lasers joined the barrage, but they were _friendly_. Her reinforcements had indeed come. Neo _was_ going to rescue her.

Surprisingly, the GUNDAM machines piloted by her friends weren't among them. These were all Windams. But Stellar would take them, especially as they made the ZAFT machines scatter and immediately pull back. The ZAFT commander wasn't stupid to fight against these odds. Though, now that she thought about it, it seemed she had fought greater odds than these and didn't even get a scratch until she fought Shinn. Why was that?

It had been the rage again. It was all hazy now, but she could almost recall it. She had seen something shatter. But what?

She couldn't remember.

Neo's voice entered the com. _"Ensign Louissier, you need to report back to base immediately!"_

Stellar knew better than to refuse. "Yes, sir."

Neo had come personally. The Windams continued to open fire, and after some brief exchanges the ZAFT machines gave up the battle and fled. The Windams did not pursue.

It was official. She had made a suicide run and somehow still survived. Stellar couldn't believe it. How had she done it?

Neo's voice sounded more stern than ever. _"_Now_, Ensign Loussier."_

"I'm pulling back."

_"You better have a good explanation for this."_

"Yes, sir."

But Stellar knew, despite her feelings, that she didn't have one. All she had was her anger. And who was going to accept that?

She could never have a shot at attacking Shinn again.

And that was something she wasn't going to accept.

* * *

The meeting had broken up. Dearka and Shiho had to leave because of a military emergency, and one by one the rest joined them, leaving just the original occupants of the bunker here by themselves.

Lacus knew that one of the great mysteries of the first war had been unveiled at long last. The genocidal rampage of the Earth Alliance in the closing stages of the war finally made sense. As corny as it sounded, a secret society had been responsible for the Earth Alliance's behavior. And they were still entrenched, and more than willing to try again at making their dreams of extermination a reality.

But could they really trust the Earth Alliance leader on this? Cagalli seemed sure of it. But Cagalli's word just didn't seem good enough in this situation, as odd as that sounded.

Cagalli was adjusted her collar a bit when Lacus approached her. Kira and Athrun were out of the way, having their own discussion, and Murrue was busy disconnecting everything. The time was right to see what Cagalli was up to.

Cagalli turned towards Lacus. She smiled knowingly. "You're going to tell me we can't trust Ms. Mitsuda."

"That's exactly right. We can't."

"I can vouch for her. She and I have had many discussions since Orb officially became an ally of the Earth Alliance. I think she might be able to steadily reduce the influence of Blue Cosmos, and if she does that, all we need is to figure out what Durandal is doing and we'll end the war. It's simple."

"Doesn't it sound just a bit _too_ convenient, Cagalli?"

Cagalli's face became steely. "Lacus, even if she is playing me, I have a counterstrike ready and waiting. You don't know everything I've been doing in case we are betrayed. Ms. Mitsuda won't know what hit her."

Lacus folded her arms. "And what is that?"

"_That_ is classified," Cagalli said simply.

Lacus sighed. She couldn't believe what she was about to say, but it was fitting all too well. "You really _are_ becoming a typical politician, Cagalli."

Cagalli's eyes lit up. "What did you say?"

"I thought you were better than this. And yet, here you are, bragging about secret deals and black operations, flouting your power. I thought your father's ideals meant something to you."

Cagalli, surprisingly, didn't turn away. She just got right in Lacus' face, and Lacus was uncomfortably reminded that Cagalli was significantly taller than her. "I learned something when I became my country's representative. Yuna and Unato are up to their necks in political mud. And they're more than willing to be submerged completely to hold onto their power. It's impossible to be above it all when you're forced to associate with people like _them_. Not even Athrun is aware of all of the backroom deals they've cut. So I have to get my hands dirty too."

"You're just turning into your enemies," Lacus said.

"I'm being pragmatic, just like my father. He did what he had to do to keep my country from getting dragged into the last war. And I did the pragmatic thing to keep the war from coming to Orb this time."

"You know what happened to your father in the end," Lacus replied.

Lacus immediately realized that was the wrong thing to say. Cagalli looked close to murderous after that comment. Even with all of her self-control, the princess could not keep her hands from closing into fists and trembling, and Cagalli could barely keep her teeth from clenching when she spoke.

"_Never_ talk about my father's death like that again," Cagalli said.

"I'm sorry," Lacus said. "I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

"Do I need to bring up that _your_ father is dead too? And Athrun's? All of our fathers died because of the choices they made, Lacus. Will it happen to me too? Maybe, maybe not. I'm just doing the best I can."

Cagalli turned to walk away, but Lacus immediately ran and blocked the way out. "Wait, Cagalli!"

"What is it?" Cagalli borderline-snarled.

"Could you at least give Kira a call once in a while? He needs to know you still care. I think he would be doing better if he knew his sister supports him."

Cagalli didn't answer for a second, and she sighed. "I'll try. Just tell him to start eating. I'm tired of looking at his skin and bones. Now let me go, I'm due for a meeting with the Sierans soon. If I don't make it, they'll get suspicious, and the last thing I need is for them to think I'm up to something."

"Maybe if you _weren't_ up to something you wouldn't have to worry about it," Lacus replied.

Cagalli laughed curtly. "Maybe once this war is over and the Sierans are no longer a threat I can be clean again. But we're _all_ up to something, Lacus. Including you. We like to criticize conspiracies, but we're part of one too. Don't forget that."

And just like that, Cagalli brushed past Lacus and walked down the hallway. Murrue approached Lacus then, and the older woman put a hand on Lacus' shoulder.

"Cagalli's just stressed. That's her anger talking, not what she really thinks."

"Are you really sure?" Lacus asked.

Murrue's silence confirmed Lacus' answer.

* * *

It hurt.

Knowing that Stellar _despised_ him hurt.

He could make all the excuses he wanted. But it didn't change a thing. What he had done was turn the girl he loved into an enemy. And it was obvious that she was not going to stop until he died, no matter what he tried to do.

_I made her hate me. This is all my fault._

There was nothing to take solace in. He was just lost in his world, the world a blur. He remembered how happy Stellar had been with him before all of this had started. When his greatest worry was Stellar maxing out his credit card. It hadn't occurred to him, before knowing she was gone, how much she truly meant to him.

And how alone he felt knowing she was no longer there.

He was stuck here now. Among people who disrespected him or despised him. The shallow attitudes of Yolant and Vino were pointless, his wingmates' questions were hollow.

They had both been alone before they had met, and now because of him they were alone again. But at least Stellar had a couple of friends. Shinn didn't have anyone. Vino and Yolant just seemed so _stupid_ to him right now, and Meyrin didn't really count either, she was just _there_.

He wasn't going to kill himself, even though the thought occurred to him. It wouldn't make Mayu happy. She'd want him to keep on living. But for what? He had no loyalty to the ZAFT, or any patriotism motivating him to keep fighting. He was an outcast no matter where he went.

He could feel pressure rising inside him. He knew he was going to cry. There was no helping it. He could feel it coming. He had to get in his room and hide. If he didn't do that he was going to be weeping like a child in front of everyone. Then, he wouldn't even have his self-esteem anymore. He wouldn't even have a bit of pride left.

He made his way to his room as his eyes ached and he felt them water. He grabbed his chest and forced himself to breathe as he shoved his hand on the scanner to unlock the door. The moment it opened he ran inside and collapsed by his bed and cried.

It was pathetic and he knew it and yet he didn't care. He had loved her so much. He hadn't realized how stronger or happier he had been with her. He had come to rely on her to keep him propped up, and she had been everything he looked forward to. Being in love had been the most amazing feeling and knowing it was gone just left an emptiness that would never go away.

No wonder Stellar had snapped. She felt hollow too. But unlike her, Shinn couldn't summon up even a hint of anger at her. He knew he was to blame for it all. The only person he could be angry at was himself.

He had blown it.

He wished Mayu was still alive. He wished that he'd wake up and Stellar would be there and all of this was just a horrid nightmare. He longed for a fantasy world where none of this pain existed but even as he imagined these worlds they vanished in seconds as he knew they were impossible, and he could not make them real no matter how badly he wanted them to be.

Suddenly he heard knocking on the door. "Shinn? Are you okay? It's Meyrin."

He didn't want to answer. He couldn't even speak even if he wanted to. He didn't even have the strength to stand up anymore. He just stared at the closed door, hoping that he had locked it so she wouldn't come in and see what a pathetic sight he was. The last thing he needed was Meyrin to disrespect him too, or worse, pity him.

"Shinn, everyone's worried about you. You just took off on everyone. Come on, open the door."

_Go away._

"Shinn, don't make me hack the scanner. You're scaring me. At least answer."

He could not speak. He literally couldn't. His voice was so choked up he couldn't make a sound. Even his crying was close to completely silent. He was completely weak.

Suddenly, the door opened, and he saw Meyrin standing there. One second, she seemed normal, the second, her eyes widened. "Oh, Shinn."

She walked over to him and went down to her knees. "Shinn, I-"

Suddenly, Shinn found his voice. "What? Are you going to tell me it's going to be okay? It's not going to be okay! Just leave me alone, I don't want to talk to anyone!"

Meyrin put his hands on his shoulders. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

She embraced him.

Shinn lost his voice again the moment she did that. He had no idea . . . how long had Meyrin . . .

She felt so firm, so warm. She reminded him of Stellar. He almost wanted to pretend she _was_ Stellar. But he still knew better. But she seemed so strong and kind and mature, all of a sudden. When had that happened to Meyrin? She had always seemed to be the moderately annoying little sister type of person before . . .

When had she grown up?

When did she start to care about him?

Meyrin whispered softly. "I'm here, Shinn. Don't cry by yourself, that doesn't help you or anyone else. Please don't do this again. I'm your friend, aren't I?"

Shinn hadn't remembered when that had happened. All of this time it just seemed that Meyrin was _trying_ to be a friend but really wasn't one, because Shinn had been careful to keep his distance. But now . . . there was no distance. Not anymore.

"Yeah," Shinn managed to whisper.

"Then you're not alone."

That was all it took. The realization filled Shinn with something crazy that he could barely fathom. Shinn looked at Meyrin, and put his hands on her shoulders. She seemed so serene and mature, even though she had such a girlish hairstyle and face. And yet she seemed more like an adult than he did. "I . . . I . . ."

"Or do you need me to be more than a friend?" Meyrin asked.

Shinn bit his lip. He wasn't sure what he really wanted but he wanted Meyrin to stay.

Meyrin made up his mind for him.

She kissed him.

They stayed together for the better part of the next hour. It was almost enough to make Shinn forget about Stellar.

Almost.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty-Eight: Pragmaticism**

_And at his prow the pilot held within his hands his freight of lives, eyes wide open, full of moonlight. _  
-Antoine de Saint-Exupery, _**"Night Flight"**_

Neo Roanoke was exhausted after the fifth sleepless night in a row after recovering Stellar Louissier and her GUNDAM machine.

All this time had been spent fixing the mistakes that had been made. Stellar's personality had been thrown way off by the treatments, and so much time had been wasted, with the fleet vulnerable to a ZAFT raid, trying to keep her at least _moderately_ reasonable.

Not only that, but in order for her to believe the fantasy Neo had concocted, her friends' memories had to be altered too. Her friends had been easy. Stellar, for some reason, was the difficult one. And Neo couldn't figure out why.

It couldn't just be her love for her ZAFT boyfriend. Memory modification had been done on lovers before, and while there were some complications, they had never been on this scale before. Something else was going on, and interfering with the modifications. And it could also explain why Stellar wasn't fully sane.

But what could it be?

Nobody could figure it out. It was the general concensus that something repressed deep down had to be the reason why, and that worried Neo.

It was making him think that the Earth Alliance had a ticking time bomb on their hands.

And if it exploded . . . he didn't even want to consider the consequences.

He was here to win a war by doing whatever needed to be done. But the last conversation with his superior grated at him.

_"I'm reversing the mental shift on Loussier. It's made her emotionally and psychologically unstable."_

__

"Will she fight without the memory changes?"

"She said she would be an objector before this whole mess got started in the first place."

"Then the answer is no, Colonel Roanoke."

"But-"

_"We need soldiers, and Stellar Loussier is a rather unique asset. The changes stay. Make them work."_

And that was that.

But it still seemed like he was preparing oil to throw on a great blaze.

Stellar Loussier, heavily sedated, was still asleep. Neo wondered what would happen when she finally woke up. Would she have something resembling mental stability? Or would she still be crazy and looking for blood?

Memory changes could be used to benefit the military, but Neo failed to see the improvements here. But he had to do his job. He had to win the war.

And that meant winning in the upcoming battle, Madagascar.

He was _not_ looking forward to that.

* * *

"I'm _not_ looking forward to this," Waltfield groaned as he examined the latest update.

"For once someone agrees with me," Arthur Trine said, with a hint of satisfaction in his voice.

"Like it or not," Talia said, "We're stuck with this situation. Even with support from Madagascar, we're still going to be outnumbered. We have to win, or face one hell of an arduous retreat."

"Arduous retreat," Arthur repeated. "Define that for me, please."

Andrew Waltfield sighed. "If the Earth Alliance gets the upper hand, there'll be a full-fledged evacuation of ZAFT personnel and civilians from Madagascar. All non-essential personnel are already being evacuated but if the battle is lost we're going to have to escort a massive convoy."

"There's only one option," Talia said. "Flee to South America where we have some allied nations."

"No," Waltfield said, "There is one other option. We do a mirror image of what the _Archangel_, or "Legged Ship" did in the last war, we run to a neutral nation."

Arthur frowned. "There _are_ no neutral nations left. Orb was the last one."

Then he paused, and his eyes widened. "Wait, there _is_ one left."

"That's right," Waltfield said. "It won't be pretty if we take this route, but if we have to, we can fly up through the Suez and head to the neutral nation of Israel. We'll be causing a political nightmare but if the way to South America can't be made it will be our only option."

Talia shook her head. She understood the massively-demoted colonel's thought process but he truly didn't know the political ramifications. "'Political nightmare' doesn't even begin to describe it. Israel shoots at everyone who enters their waters. They are an isolated, paranoid nation who believes everyone is out to kill them."

"I'd vastly prefer a hot, humid jungle over encountering the Israelis," Arthur moaned.

Waltfield shook his hand. "We need to at least have that as a back-up plan. Maybe Durandal can pull some strings if we're stuck fleeing in that direction. I'd much rather head to South America too. But, as a last resort option . . ."

Talia sighed. "Fine."

It wasn't something she particularly wanted to do. Israel was a nation of ten million people, surrounded by a colossal country that wanted it destroyed for religious reasons. The people were trained to be soldiers regardless of who they were. And they trusted no one. They had been sold out by every member of the Earth Alliance, including in the last war in order to gain the cooperation of the North Africans and Arabs that were fighting Waltfield. And they had never trusted the ZAFT one bit.

She hoped she wouldn't have to make that decision. Not only was Israel a political nightmare, but having to take the Suez left them wide open to attacks from every direction. And the ZAFT had close to no penetration in Europe. They would be running to an unwilling host and preparing for a long siege.

The ZAFT were planning on multiple counter-offensives to gain some ground. To give Orb an headache they were planning on retaking some old bases on Australia. Raids were being planned on many Earth Alliance bases. But Talia didn't know every plan the ZAFT had, and she doubted that fighting in Europe or Arabia would be among them. It just caused too many problems.

It made a lot more sense to partner up with allies in South America and then move to take out the Atlantic Federation. Removing them from the equation would make life extremely difficult for the Earth Alliance.

But that was what she would do. She was a soldier. It was ultimately up to a politician to lead the ZAFT in a war. Naomi Mitsuda, for her part, had been a soldier. And Cagalli Yula Athha had seen combat too. Durandal had never even come close to being on a battlefield.

But he was what the ZAFT had, and the ZAFT had to win the war with him in charge.

But how would they do that?

How?

There was no good answer.

And there would never be one.

* * *

She was _so_ hungry.

She had never fathomed not having a consistent supply line. Her diet was getting slashed more and more every day, it seemed. There were less and less fruits and vegetables, and what was there was becoming more and more disgusting. Hell, she'd go as far to say they were _icky_.

Lunamaria Hawke found her vegetarian beliefs harder and harder to follow with each passing day.

_I want some corn. I want some bread. I want some juice. I want some apples. I want some cheese. I want some eggs. Damn it, when are we going to get a supply line?_

If Meyrin wasn't so busy sucking face with Shinn Asuka, she'd be telling Luna "I told you so" over and over and _over_. Luna wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

The type of relationship that Meyrin and Shinn were rumored to have was not healthy. It was the type that would seem so special and then explode in an instant. Luna couldn't help but be worried for her younger sister for having an relationship with such an unstable person. Shinn Asuka had no subtlety about him, anyone could tell when he was hurting, all of his feelings were on the surface. With him all broken and weak, he was exceptionally vulnerable, but also could develop mood swings. Violent ones.

Her thoughts were interrupted by her stomach growling again. Luna tried to ignore it as she went into her room, which she shared with Meyrin. Shinn, for his part, still had a room all to himself, thanks to his roommate getting killed the first day of the war.

Shinn's roommate hadn't even unpacked his stuff before he had been shot down by one of the GUNDAM machines.

At least Meyrin wasn't going to get killed and leave Luna to a room all by herself. The only way one of the Hawke sisters would be on their own was if _Luna_ were to die. And that's the way Luna wanted it. No way in _hell_ she was going to let Meyrin go out there in a Mobile Suit. For any reason, whatsoever.

If anyone was going to kill Meyrin, they'd have to go through Luna first. That's how it had always been, and until Meyrin grew up, that's the way it was going to stay.

That's why Luna was worried about Meyrin. She hadn't grown up yet. What made her think she was ready for a relationship with anyone, much less an unstable Slant?

Even though their blood was only seventy-five percent Coordinator, they were still Coordinators. They still fit in with the rest of the ZAFT as long as that little "impure blood" detail was left unnoticed. But Meyrin was asking for trouble by being with Shinn publicly, too. Why would a Coordinator be in love with a Slant in the ZAFT when Slants were second-class citizens?

Luna was wondering what to say to Meyrin when she entered the room, and saw Meyrin standing there, looking at herself in the mirror.

She looked different. The twin ponytails she had on each side of her head were gone, replaced by one ponytail in the back with overall shorter hair. The athletic body she had worked so hard on to impress Shinn made her seem taller and older than she really was.

_When the hell did Meyrin turn into a woman?_

Meyrin noticed Luna and spun around, and blushed slightly. "Just . . . trying something different. Something more grown-up."

Luna sighed. "Meyrin, come on. You're the youngest person on-board."

"I just want to fit in."

Luna shook her head. "You're just trying to see what strikes Shinn's fancy. You're so concerned about being what _he_ wants that you're forgetting about who _you_ are. You're too young for this, you're not even sixteen."

"He told me things, Luna."

Luna folded her arms. "Like what?"

"They're none of your business. But they were . . . sad. I don't even think he told Stellar some of the things he told me."

"Oh, please. You're falling for his sappy past?" Luna sighed. "We all have bad pasts. We had a really crappy war three years ago. There's been trouble ever since the Coordinators were first created. He's not the only one who has skeletons in his closet."

"He's the kind of person who needs to be propped up by something," Meyrin said. "First, it was his little sister, Mayu. Then it was his hatred for the Earth Alliance. Then, it was Stellar Loussier, who helped him get over his hatred for the Alliance. Now, I guess it's me."

"And you just accept that?" Luna asked.

"I didn't just accept it. I chose it."

Luna rolled her eyes. "Relationships like these always end badly, Meyrin. You may think you love him but soon you're going to get sick of propping him up and when you do everything's going to crash down and be destroyed."

"That won't happen," Meyrin said.

"Everyone always says that too," Luna replied.

Meyrin looked away. "I couldn't let him sit there and cry, Luna. I couldn't. When I saw him so defeated and vulnerable . . ."

She took a deep breath, and exhaled. "I can't let Shinn be vulnerable like this. He needs to knows he's loved, and he needs to know that when he needs me I'm going to be there. When he knows that, he'll be better. And he'll let go of Stellar Loussier."

Luna couldn't believe her ears. "Wait, wait, wait. You're saying he's not even _committed_ to you?"

"He will be," Meyrin said as she walked towards the exit. "He will be soon. I'm transforming myself for him, Luna. I'm becoming a new Meyrin. And the new Meyrin will be someone he will never waver his commitment to."

And then she was gone.

Luna sighed as she leaned back on her bed. _They always wreck it by being someone they're not, too._

Her stomach growled.

_Oh, shut up. I don't need your opinion.

* * *

_

"You guys _sure_ you don't want some back-up?"

Athrun had just pulled up his car to drop Kira and Lacus off at the orphanage. Kira and Lacus' stay in the capital city had been longer than either of them wanted, but Orb had recently begun issuing passes to get through military checkpoints being set up everywhere. Orb was definitely on a war footing now, and it had taken a few days, even with Cagalli's help, to cut through the red tape so Kira and Lacus could leave city limits . . . albeit under false identities.

It felt strange for Kira to think of himself under a different name. He had always been Kira Yamato. Always. He couldn't consider having a different name even after knowing who his biological parents are, and especially now. It was his identity.

Lacus said "No, Athrun. I'm trying to teach the children there's a better way to do things than through force. I don't need soldiers around to muddle that message. Not to mention I don't want people thinking there's somebody important here."

Athrun smiled. "Good point."

"C'mon, Kira," Lacus said, and she got out of the front passenger seat. Kira, sitting in the back, followed, and Athrun waved.

"I'll make sure to stop by!" Athrun yelled over the roar of his engine.

"Tell Cagalli to call!" Lacus yelled.

"I'll remind her every day! Bye!"

He drove off into the distance, and Kira wondered if Athrun really intended to follow through. Out of all of the Three Ships Alliance, Athrun was the one who remained the closest to both Kira and Lacus, but even he seemed to be drifting farther away. Kira didn't want to lose his best friend over his problems, too.

Lacus sighed. "C'mon, Kira. Let's just be happy it's a weekend. No classes today."

"Oh yeah. Today's Saturday."

Lacus smiled. "See? We just get a chance to relax . . . unless Fletcher feels like picking on the new teacher."

Kira grimaced. "I hope he hasn't set any more traps."

Lacus sighed. "He'll get out of that phase soon."

"For Athrun's sake, he better."

Lacus laughed. "Fletcher _has_ been getting the best of Athrun. I wonder if Athrun is plotting his revenge."

"Athrun, plotting revenge. Somehow I don't see it."

Lacus laughed again, and Kira felt a little better after that. Something ephermal and yet pleasant was nice. It would be nice to have a good day, without worrying about becoming a mental wreck yet again.

* * *

Kira and Lacus couldn't know it, but they were being watched.

The special-ops soldier, with his dynamic camouflage activated, was virtually invisible. It was based on Mirage Celloid technology, but had been modified to be used on normal clothing. All that could be seen was a slight shimmer in the air, and that was why the soldier had to be careful to keep his distance. He could still be spotted.

But there was no doubt who they were. It was just as rumored. Lacus Clyne and Kira Yamato.

He could have killed them both right now, if that was his objective. He was still tempted to. His superiors were going to open a Pandora's Box with their plan of theirs. But he was a good soldier, and good soldiers obeyed their orders. He was only going to keep watch, and then report in.

And then the operation would happen very, very soon.

Lacus Clyne and Kira Yamato were about to get hit hard.

As would anyone who got in the way.

All part of the day's work for the special-ops soldier.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty-Nine: Pincer **

_Stare like a zombie while the mother  
Holds the child, watches him die  
Hands to the sky crying "Why oh why?"  
Because I need to watch things die  
From a distance . . .  
Vicariously I live  
While the whole world dies . . . _  
-Tool, **"Vicarious"**

Had it already been a week?

It didn't feel like it. But when Shinn Asuka checked, he was stunned. It really didn't feel like it had been that long since the last battle. It felt like a much shorter span of time had passed. Not that Shinn minded. He was happy. Just . . . happy.

He had no idea what it is he did that made Meyrin like him so much but he was happy he had. His heartbreak over Stellar didn't hurt as much. Meyrin was more than willing to fill the void in his heart, and right now Shinn knew for his sanity he needed to forget Stellar.

But he couldn't. Not completely.

It still didn't seem right. He and Stellar had been so close. How could one instance have wrecked it all? Stellar undoubtedly should have been hurt and confused, but enraged? It didn't seem to be part of her personality. It just didn't add up, now that he had time to reflect on it.

Had the Earth Alliance done something to her? Conditioned her? Drugged her? It wasn't unheard of.

But to Stellar?

Why?

It didn't make sense, and Shinn had no idea how to figure it out. It wasn't like he could sneak onboard Stellar's ship like a spy and creep around until he found out. It was a mystery that couldn't be solved.

And he was worried about her. Because if they had drugged her up or messed with her . . .

There was going to be hell to pay.

But for right now, he was happy with Meyrin. The girl had a gift of making him feel better. She knew how to be intimate without being sensual, her maturity made her seem older and wiser than her years, her gentleness was honest and soft, her strength layered and comforting.

It was like she was growing older with each passing day, like she was turning into an adult. It was peculiar but Shinn didn't really care. Meyrin brought joy and love into his life, and that was something he needed.

Right now, they were just walking towards the cafeteria, holding hands. He felt almost embarrassed about it, but Meyrin seemed proud of it, so Shinn felt it was only right to match her pride, at least externally.

As they sat down to enjoy the increasingly runny slop that had become their rations, Meyrin smiled at him. "We're supposed to be arriving at Madagascar soon. That'll solve this supply problem, hopefully."

"Great, because I don't want to eat this."

"Do what I do, don't let it touch your taste buds. It goes down a lot easier that way."

Shinn found it more difficult than how Meyrin described it. She giggled at what had to be an unintentionally funny expression on his face.

After swallowing the drivel, Shinn sized her up again. Damn it, she reminded him of Stellar. That was the one thing that was holding him back. She was so much like Stellar that he couldn't stop thinking about the other girl, even though he knew he should be moving on, getting over it.

Meyrin looked concerned. "Is something wrong?"

"When did you start liking me?" Shinn asked. "I've said so much to you, but you really haven't told me anything about yourself. I'd like to know you."

Meyrin blushed. "It was a crush at first. Just your normal schoolgirl-like crush, and I started trying to become stronger so I could impress you. When you saved us from that big Mobile Armor the crush started becoming _more_. But it wasn't until I saw you crying when my feelings, well . . ."

"Yeah."

Meyrin laughed awkwardly. "Luna says I have something for emo guys, but that's not it."

"Emo?"

"You're not emo, Shinn. Emo people are that way because they choose to be. You didn't choose to be in pain. Even more than the rest of us soldiers, a lot's happened to you. You've lost everyone close to you. But you need to be strong. You can't collapse in your room every time something bad happens. You practically shut down. Everyone here needs you, Shinn. Without you we're frankly screwed."

Shinn chuckled sarcastically, softly. "Yeah, right."

It's true, Shinn. You're the reason we're still here right now. I thought we were all gonna die when that _thing_ tried to kill us near Orb. But you destroyed that thing. Everybody here owes you one."

"I got lucky," Shinn said.

Meyrin sighed. "That wasn't luck. That was something else. Something special. And when I saw you single-handedly save us, I decided I wasn't going to cry anymore. I'm not going to panic again when we're in trouble. I don't just have Luna out there. I also have you."

"Meyrin-"

"And as long as you're out there, I know I'll be safe, that the entire ship will stay safe. Because nothing will get through you."

Her hands reached across the table and enfolded one of Shinn's hands. "I know we'll be okay as long as you're here. You are a fighter, Shinn, no matter what other people may think or say. You are a fighter. If you weren't, you would have been dead years ago."

Shinn wanted to believe Meyrin, but he couldn't quite bring himself too. Why? Her words were honestly inspirational. But they still seemed hollow to him. Like she was trying to weave together a work of fiction that he would be willing to believe.

But on the same token, she was trying so _hard_ to grow up and be strong for him. Shinn knew he couldn't reject her, not when he needed her so much. But he wasn't sure how he felt, though. All she did was remind him of Stellar.

But he couldn't bear to break her heart, either. It would destroy all of her warm strength, and he'd just be alone again.

Meyrin's eyes became concerned again. "Shinn, are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah. Your hair, um, it looks great."

Meyrin smiled. "Thank you. I'm glad you noticed."

Shinn bit his lip as he tried to figure out what words to say. Meyrin was definitely waiting for him to say something, and to her credit she was being patient about it. He looked from her hands, still enfolding his, to her face, framed so nicely by the new hairstyle.

The words that finally emerged from his mouth weren't what he was expecting.

It was a plea. "Don't go."

"Shinn?"

"Don't go. I need . . . I need you to stay here."

"It's all right. I'm not going anywhere." Her grip became tighter. "I decided that the moment I kissed you for the first time. Wherever you go so will I."

"Meyrin, I . . ."

"You don't need to say anything at all."

The warning klaxon suddenly blared. Talia Gladys' voice echoed throughout the many speakers on the ship. "All personnel to primary battle station. I repeat, all personnel to primary stations."

"What's happening?" Shinn asked.

"I guess the Earth Alliance decided to attack. They've been chasing us this whole time, remember," Meyrin said.

"Meyrin, stay safe."

Meyrin smiled. "I know I will be, as long as you and Luna are out there, like I said. Now go out there and do what you have to. Give me a shout if you need a Silhouette."

Shinn wanted to smile back, to reassure her, but the recurring mental block known as "Stellar" reared its ugly head again. He couldn't quite promise everything would be fine, not as long as he had to keep fighting Stellar.

He still couldn't quite commit to Meyrin.

Instead, he just said "Thank you."

And then he and Meyrin went their separate ways.

* * *

Neo Roanoke had insisted on fighting personally in this battle, even though he only had a Windam. There was supposed to be something special being developed that could destroy all GUNDAMs, like the Zamzasa, but it wasn't finished yet. Until then, he had to make due with standard-issue equipment.

Neo needed to observe Stellar Loussier more closely. Why was the mental treatments not working as planned? Sting Oakley's and Auel Neider's had gone according to plan, and without much trouble. But Stellar was still unstable. Why?

There was something else going on, something he and the doctors hadn't been able to figure out. Maybe by observing Stellar in battle, listening to her, fighting with her, he might find some sort of clue. In any case, they needed Stellar out there fighting the ZAFT, and with her unstable they might Neo out here to shoot her down.

What a mess. He should have just been patient and wait for Feizhi Aloquin to recover and give her the Gaia. Now he couldn't backtrack from his mistake, and if he gave Stellar her memories back who knew what she'd do then. She'd remember that _Neo_ had shot her, not Shinn Asuka.

Make the whole situation a SNAFU.

Neo had one thing on his side, though. Numbers. He was on the verge of overwhelming the ZAFT, even with their Madagascar defenses and reinforcements supporting them. Most of Madagascar had been evacuated, leaving just military personnel ready to pack up and leave the moment the defenses couldn't hold.

Neo's plan was simple. He was going to try to draw out the Madagascar troops by attacking the ZAFT fleet, what was left of it after Stellar's rampage a week ago. By drawing the Madagascar troops out, they would become exposed and spread out. That was when he would send in his reserves, shatter the defenses, and capture the island.

Simple, yet effective.

The ZAFT knew he was coming, they had begun launching their own Mobile Suit contingent. But their troops were tired and thin. Neo had plenty of replacements to hurl into the battle.

And that's exactly what he did.

Windam clashed against Zaku. As everything everywhere erupted into fire, Neo followed Stellar through the crossfire. She seemed to be looking for something, she was on a mission.

Neo knew full well what that was.

But it could work. By destroying the _Minerva_ it would break the backbone of the ZAFT fleet. With the _Minerva_ destroyed they would be able to pick off the rest of the fleet as their leisure, and then surround and systematically destroy Madagascar's defenses.

Suddenly, Stellar found what she was looking for.

"_Shinn Asuka!_"

She charged straight for that Impulse GUNDAM, and immediately they were locked in battle again.

Now Neo had to make sure the girl wasn't going to get killed.

Easier said than done.

* * *

_"Meyrin, I need the Sword Silhouette! Hurry!"_

"It's on the way, Shinn," Meyrin Hawke said.

Talia Gladys, for her part, while she was enjoying Meyrin Hawke's calmness in battle, was slightly unnerved that the Sword Silhouette was needed so early in the battle. Usually Shinn didn't need that immediately. Then again, he _did_ have a GUNDAM bearing down on him.

She was also frustrated. They had _almost_ made it to Madagascar, too. Now who knew if they'd ever get there, much less escape to somewhere else in the world?

A couple of Windams got too close to the bridge, before anti-aircraft fire blasted both of them down. Talia got on the horn and shouted "Gunners, aim before firing! That was too close!"

Arthur unhelpfully added "I don't mind wasting ammunition if it means we leave here alive."

"Arthur, do us all a favor and shut up."

"Yes, Captain."

What was the Earth Alliance planning? They could have attacked the fleet long ago. It couldn't be just because they wanted the _Minerva_'s supplies to become even fewer. No, there was something else going on.

But what?

The commander of the Madagascar garrison came on. _"Captain Gladys, do you need reinforcements?"_

"Not yet," Talia said. "Hold your positions. We can still fight."

A ZAFT destroyer, as if on cue, immediately blew up and sank. It seemed one of the GUNDAM machines, the Abyss, had done it in.

_I really don't want to deploy the Madagascar troops. We might need them later if this becomes a siege._

If they could just make it so they could become a natural part of the defense, instead of risking everything by drawing Madagascar's forces out . . .

They needed ten minutes. Ten minutes and Madagascar's troops could deploy without heavy exposure. But as another ZAFT destroyer exploded, Talia wondered if even that short amount of time was much too long.

_Damn it, can't we just hold on for a little longer? Can't we?

* * *

_

She had found Shinn Asuka again. And he was not going down without a fight.

Why wouldn't the bastard just _die_?

They continued to clash against each other, as battle raged all around them. It was as if they were having their own private duel in a bubble, separated from everything else going around them.

Stellar hoped it would stay that way until this duel ended. She wished she could figure out a way to use her Mobile Suit's transformable options to her advantage, but she needed _land_ to do that, and there weren't any land to be found.

But, as they flew near a smoking ZAFT cruiser, Stellar got an idea.

She dashed around the other side of the Mobile Suit, and immediately transformed her GUNDAM into the BuCUE-shaped _thing_ that was built for fighting on land. She charged up the flaming towers of the ZAFT cruiser, her machine's claws digging into every balcony she could find.

Just as she had expected, Shinn Asuka had pursued, but now didn't react. He was confused, he had no idea what she was doing.

Too bad for him.

Stellar leapt off the top of the tower, and managed to get enough force to fall behind Shinn Asuka. The blade in the BuCUE's mouth ignited.

_I've won_.

That was when Stellar was shot.

_What?_

Stellar was propelled towards the ocean by the shot, and Stellar barely managed to transform her GUNDAM machine in time. She tried to regroup, see who shot her. It seemed to be an ordinary Zaku.

In fact, the same ordinary Zaku who had interfered _last_ time.

_Dumb bastard._

She was sick and tired of that machine interfering with her vengeance. That machine's pilot had to die.

Now.

She _flung_ her beam saber at the Zaku, and cleaved it in half right below the cockpit. She had no idea if that was a kill strike, though, because then Shinn Asuka came bearing down on her again. And now she had no melee weapon to face Shinn with.

Or did she?

She flew away from Shinn, blasting away until she found the rapidly falling Zaku machine she had just severely damaged. She reached and _yanked_ the Beam Tomahawk out of its holster, and let it fall towards the ocean again. She made a couple of moves with the Tomahawk, to practice with it. This was going to have to be her weapon against Shinn's oversize twin blades.

Then came a sound she never wanted to hear.

_Beep-beep_.

She was out of this battle, all of its energy was being consumed. She needed to pull back or she would risk losing power in battle. There was no guarantee she would kill Shinn before her energy ran out, and despite her desire to kill, she knew what the smarter decision was.

If this became a siege, she would get another chance. Third time's the charm, as the old saying went.

She drained the Beam Tomahawk of all of its energy to give her a small, temporary boost, and then dropped the useless hunk of metal into the ocean. Then she flew off. Thankfully, Shinn and his GUNDAM did not bother to chase her. In fact, he seemed to be wanting to check up on the fallen Zaku.

That was fine with Stellar. This meant he didn't have the same killer instinct _she_ did.

He was going to regret that. That misguided compassion that he had denied Stellar and was using on that Zaku pilot was going to get him killed.

Now, how could Stellar use that to _her_ advantage?

She was sure she'd come up with something.

The whole flight back to the _Girty Lue_, Stellar never considered the real fact that Shinn's apparent compassion was completely at odds with his portrayal in her memories.

Why would she?

After all, her memories were real, weren't they?

Who could tamper with something she knew to be real?


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty: Moment**

_From childhood's hours  
I have not been  
-As others were.  
I have not seen  
What others saw. _  
Edgar Allan Poe, **"Alone"**

Cagalli's latest meeting with her uncle and cousin was not going well.

"For the last time, tell the Republic of East Asia the answer's no! We are _not_ deploying an expeditionary force!"

Unato Sieran sighed. "Please give me substantive reasons why to refuse their request, Representative."

Cagalli buried her face in her hands. "Haven't I told you my points already?"

"Let's pretend you haven't," Yuna said.

Athrun knew Yuna was sensing victory. Yuna had war glory on the mind, it had been becoming clearer over the last couple of weeks that Yuna wanted to lead an Orb Expeditionary Force and win battles. There were multiple flaws in that strategy, ranging from Yuna's motivation to his lack of military experience.

Cagalli looked at both of them. "First off, the majority of our forces are in space, and are playing a pivotal role in keeping the Earth from facing ZAFT attack at will. They cannot be deployed down here without making the orbital front precarious. Second, we don't know if the ZAFT is going to try to retake their old Carpentaria base as a staging point to attack _us_. We'll need every available soldier in the event of that. Now tell me, what is the flaw in my points?"

Yuna sighed. "The Earth Alliance is expecting a lot more out of us than what we've been doing. Especially East Asia, they've been flooding us with requests to take a more _proactive_ approach to fighting the war."

"Which, as I said, we can't do, from either an idealistic or a logical standpoint," Cagalli said.

"You gave up your father's ideals by allying with the Earth Alliance," Yuna said. "What hold does your father have over our affairs anymore?"

Athrun closed his eyes, and awaited the inevitable Cagalli explosion. But Cagalli did not explode, but instead let a subtle anger seep into her words. "Orb has never been a warmongering nation and I will not take part in an offensive military campaign unless Orb is in immediate danger. That has been a trait of our government since its inception. It is not just Izumi's ideals, but the ideals of every leader of Orb throughout its history."

Yuna sighed again, and shook his head. "You still don't understand. If we go on the offensive, and get some victories, we'll have even more influence in the Earth Alliance! Imagine what we could do!"

"I do not have confidence you would earn victories," Cagalli said curtly. "You do not have military experience. You have never been on the battlefield. You have not killed, or seen death."

"What does it matter? I practice in simulations all the time!" Yuna said. "I'm an effective strategist!"

"War is never played like it is in simulations," Cagalli said. "Your skill in a glorified video game hardly qualifies you to command an expeditionary force."

Unato finally intervened. "Enough squabbling, both of you. I understand both points being made, but the central issue is this: we have the equipment and supplies to form an expeditionary force. That's why the Earth Alliance wants us to join them in the war."

"We don't have the manpower," Cagalli said.

"The Earth Alliance said we could solve it within twenty-four hours."

There was a pause, and then Athrun realized Unato's point. And judging from the wide-eyed look Cagalli had on her face, she knew it too.

"You can't be recommending _conscription_, Uncle," Cagalli said.

"That is the only option to get the manpower," Unato said calmly. "During this, we'll buy ourselves time. It will take weeks, months, to get a force trained. We can use this time to try to manipulate things so the expeditionary force does not go to a highly active front."

"Conscription is against everything Orb has stood for," Cagalli said.

"It is not your decision. Remember, Cagalli, that you are not in charge. I still am," Unato said. "You make a persuasive argument but you don't grasp how forceful East Asia has been. They are more than willing to run the conscription themselves, and that means Orb citizens will be scattered _everywhere_, as random replacements in Earth Alliance forces. If we do not capitulate in this issue, _that_ will be the fate of every conscripted Orb soldier."

"And like I said, we can use this to improve our standing and influence," Yuna added. "Orb can become a world-class power, and possibly even be in position to dominate the Earth Alliance! We cannot pass this up!"

Athrun looked at Cagalli, who seemed to be trembling. He couldn't figure out a way to argue against Unato and Yuna, but Cagalli still could. She _was_ a politician, after all.

Finally, Cagalli stood up. "I need to think this over. Please excuse me."

She turned and marched right out the conference room door, and Athrun dutifully followed. Cagalli stopped in the middle of the hallway, and leaned against the wall, her hand pressed against her forehead like she had a headache.

"Athrun," she asked, "What's happened to us? Is this all my fault?"

Athrun sighed. "It doesn't sound like we have much of a choice. We had to ally with the Earth Alliance before we became a battleground. It's been snowballing from there."

"Don't parrot me. Tell me what you really think, Athrun."

Athrun took a deep breath. He honestly thought Cagalli was doing everything she could, but there had to be a better way to win this argument.

"Maybe I could take command of the expeditionary force. Unato and Yuna know who I am. My hair's growing out again, so I'm looking more and more like classic Athrun Zala. I think that most people would agree that I'm qualified."

"Athrun, you're a pilot. You're hardly more qualified than Yuna to command a fleet."

Cagalli hadn't intended that to be an insult, but that still stung a bit. "Murrue Ramius?"

"The Earth Alliance officially still has her listed as a traitor to be tried by death penalty. And even if I had Naomi Mitsuda pull some strings, Ms. Ramius would be demoted to the point where she won't have influence at all."

Athrun was running short on ideas. Now he wished Andrew Waltfield wasn't back in the ZAFT camp, even though he was meant to be a diversion for Dearka.

"Maybe you?" Athrun asked.

Cagalli sighed. "I'm not much better than Yuna, either. And this doesn't solve the problem of getting us out of conscripting our citizens to fight this war. And no matter who takes command, he or she will be overmatched and people are gonna die."

"I'm just trying ideas," Athrun said.

"Well, come up with better ones, because I'm out, and I have to go back in there and find some way to keep my uncle and Yuna from doing something stupid."

Athrun rubbed his forehead. "I don't know. The last person I have is Lacus. She's a good leader."

"She's not a soldier. She doesn't have it in her to kill. Now, if she _did_ kill somebody one day, she might be able to stomach fighting a war. And she's smart. She'd make a good general."

Athrun could sense what was coming. "But . . .?"

Cagalli shook her head. "The day we gain Lacus the soldier is when we lose Lacus the idealist, Lacus the optimist, Lacus the faithful. Lacus is the core of our hope. If she were to lose that idealism, that innocence, by taking someone's life . . ."

"She wouldn't be Lacus anymore," Athrun said.

"That's right," Cagalli said. "So no, she's not an option either. Not to mention that the _other_ problem is the Lacus-impostor. How are we supposed to deal with _that_?"

"Good point," Athrun said.

Cagalli turned back towards the door. "We must be insane. Look at us, we're considering throwing _Lacus_ into this. Is there any way to get out of this?"

"We need to offer the Earth Alliance something valuable. Do we have a new Mobile Suit design to throw at them?"

"There's the Akatsuki, there's the Destroy, and there's the Pele, named for the daughter of the mother-goddess Haumea. And then there's a pair of projects only in the design stage."

"Which one's the farthest along?"

"The Akatsuki, but I'll never give it up to the Earth Alliance. That one is my father's personal design. I guess the next in line would be the Destroy. It was the rival design to the Murasame, and the Destroy was considered too expensive. We can build _twelve_ Murasame for one Destroy, and that's by conservative estimates."

Athrun sighed. "We're going to have to give up the Destroy designs, and any built prototypes if some exist."

"There's _one_ in existence. I guess the blueprints, prototype, parts, and specifications might buy us some time, but it's only delaying the demand to conscript."

"Maybe the delay's all we need to end this war before it's necessary," Athrun said.

"I hope so." Cagalli took a deep breath. "All right, I'll present the idea to Unato and Yuna. It might help us, and it'll give Morgenroete some business and demand, not to mention _profits_, by manufacturing the things."

"Then present it. We don't have anything else to lose," Athrun said.

"I can't help but feel we're making a mistake, though. There's a reason why it was called the _Destroy_. And who knows what the Earth Alliance will do to try to make the Destroy even better at performing its namesake."

"There's nothing they can do, not without driving up the costs even more. I doubt we'll be able to build more than five or six of those things before the Earth Alliance gives up," Athrun said.

"I hope so," Cagalli said.

"I know so," Athrun said. "Unless they send the prototype into battle, it'll take months before a Destroy will be deployed. We'll be able to end this war before the Destroy will ever see battle."

"Then let's hope we can," Cagalli said. "Before that _thing_ is used."

"We will," Athrun said. "I'm sure of it."

Cagalli nodded. "Thank you." She kissed him on the cheek.

Athrun smiled. "Just trying my best."

Cagalli returned the smile. "Anything to keep our citizens from being killed from Yuna's delusions of grandeur."

They opened the door, and resumed the meeting.

* * *

Madagascar was under siege, and Talia Gladys couldn't do anything to stop it.

The Earth Alliance was hammering the entire island. Escape had been cut off as the Mass Driver had been blasted out of existence in the opening minutes. So far, however, there wasn't a firm beachhead established anywhere on the island. ZAFT gunners and Mobile Suits were pinning the Earth Alliance down everywhere, and stationery guns, and ships hiding in the harbors, were blasting any ship that got too close.

Right now, though, the _Minerva_ wasn't taking part in the battle. They were deep inside the harbor, as every available crewman desperately shuttled supplies into the ship. She could even see the Mobile Suit pilots hard at work, grabbing boxes of what she could only call _stuff_ and bringing them up the runway by hand.

Would it be enough?

Her vidscreen turned on, and Talia found herself staring at the commander of the Madagascar garrison. "Rear-Admiral Kimlinger, sir."

He was a middle-aged man, with a graying goatee and balding head not well-disguised by his naval cap. _"Captain Gladys, you've certainly brought us a hefty amount of party crashers."_

"I apologize, sir. We could not have made it to South America without stopping here, our supplies were growing short and so were our numbers."

Kimlinger sighed, and fiddled with his cap. _"Enemy forces remain pinned down, but it's only a matter of time before the Earth Alliance force a breakthrough. They have those GUNDAM weapons in reserve, and they will be used to secure a beachhead."_

"We'll meet GUNDAM with GUNDAM," Talia said. "We have three, and they have three. There will be no breakthrough."

Kimlinger nodded._ "Yes, but we only have so much ammunition. What will be used up first, the Earth Alliance's soldiers or our bullets and energy?"_

Talia folded her hands. "I don't know. Just tell your men to keep holding out, they're doing a magnificent job so far."

_"I will,"_ Kimlinger said. _"We will make this island the Omaha Beach of the Cosmic Era, so help us."_

And then he was gone.

_That was the wrong battle to invoke,_ Talia thought as she observed Shinn Asuka and the Hawke sisters in the distance driving a small car full of boxes towards the _Minerva_.

_The Germans lost the battle of Omaha Beach.

* * *

_

It was Sunday night, and that meant tomorrow was going to be a school day. Kira Yamato was looking forward to his reduced workload. No matter how hard he tried, he was not a natural teacher, and he was out of his element on some things. Senna was going to make his life much easier to take.

But this didn't solve the primary problem: how much longer would he be able to disguise his personal issues? It was only a matter of time before Senna would find out.

And who knew what would unfold when the young woman discovered Kira's PTSD.

Kira had a feeling, and he didn't like it.

Or was it something else that was making him feel uneasy. He _wanted_ to think it was merely that, but he couldn't help but feel it was something else. Something worse.

Was it just his imagination?

"Kira," he heard. Kira turned and saw Lacus, her smile radiant even in the relative darkness of the room they shard.

"Are you okay? You just vanished after dinner."

"I'm fine," Kira said. "Just tired. I haven't eaten that much in a while."

Lacus chuckled. "Looks like you're taking Cagalli's advice. She's always going on about how you're so skinny."

"Just as long as I don't get a gut."

Lacus laid down next to him on the bed. "Kira, the last thing you should worry about is you getting a gut. It wouldn't change anything between us."

Damn it, she looked beautiful tonight. More beautiful than usual.

He felt her hand, and she squeezed it. "Lacus, thank you. For everything."

"You don't need to thank me, Kira. I love you."

Kira chuckled sadly. "Yeah."

"What's wrong?"

Kira stared up at the ceiling. "I just wish . . . that I would magically get better. That these nightmares would just end. That I would stop remembering the last war. Why me? Why not anyone else?"

Lacus didn't speak for a long moment. "Well, anyone can have trauma from war. I think we all have it, you just have it in a more overt way. Killing's not in your nature, Kira, even more than the rest of us. Killing changed Athrun, it changed Cagalli, and it changed you. Everyone's a different person after they've killed."

"No, Lacus. I think there's one more person who can't kill, more than me."

Lacus sighed. "The answer's me, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

Lacus shook her head, and that caused strands of her long pink hair to touch Kira's face. It tickled, but he resisted the urge to brush it away.

"Kira, I would kill for the children, and for you. I know I would."

"Really?"

"Really. And why are we having such a sad conversation, anyway? Kira, if you'd stop obsessing about this you'd be feeling better."

"I'm sorry."

Lacus pulled Kira closer. "Stop apologizing."

She kissed him, and Kira forgot all about apologies.

* * *

The angel shook his head. Predictable. Orb was so predictable! They were willing to do _anything_ to stay out of the fighting, even if that meant selling a horrible, borderline-genocidal machine!

He had expected this to happen. The eldest Sieran, Unato, was more moderate than he let on, he was inclined to side with his niece Cagalli Yula Athha if her arguments were persuasive. In a way, the angel had hoped that Yuna Sieran's ambitions for glory and machismo would triumph over anti-war sentiment, but the chances had been slim to none. Yuna Sieran was rumored to be an incompetent inside Orb circles, and that probably helped the decision.

The Destroy, however, was an incredible weapon. It would need changes in order to be mass-produced, many changes. It would need to be smaller, streamlined, lighter. This meant that the raw destructive power that it was named for would be significantly weaker. But the prototype was a murdering machine. It would slaughter, even with a mediocre pilot.

It was worth acquiring. There was one thing Orb had forgotten, though.

The Destroy needed a pilot.

The angel wasn't going to waste a valuable pilot in a experimental machine. No, he planned on _acquiring_ the desired pilot.

And he knew just how to do it.

He picked up the phone, and stared at the picture of the desired pilot.

The voice he wanted to answer came on. "Yes, who is this?"

"I am Lord Djibril, I'm the one who purchased your wonderful Destroy machine."

"Ah, yes. I've heard rumors about you. Blue Cosmos, right?"

"Correct. I am here to see the obliteration of the Coordinators."

"Wonderful propaganda as usual. Now tell me what the hell you woke me up in the middle of the night for, Lord Chinrill or whoever you are."

The man's insolence, especially for his age, was staggering. But the angel could suppress his temper. That was part of the job description. There was a time to be angry, and this wasn't one of them. That had been something that Azrael Muruta had forgotten, among a lot of other things.

The angel sighed. "You are giving me a lot of valuable documents and machinery. I am missing a very important piece of the package, however."  
"Yes, what?"

"I need a pilot."

There was a _long_ silence. "A pilot. What kind of pilot?"

The angel resisted the urge to make a snappy remark. "I have someone in mind."

"Who?"

The angel told him, and the man on the other side of the line could not believe his ears.

"Are you insane? I can't do that!"

"Why?"

"It's too personal! I truly can't do that. Not to-"

"One pilot, versus thousands upon thousands of Orb citizens? Tell me, which one is more important to you? The one person, or the national interest?"

Another long silence. "You're not giving me much of a choice."

"Not unless you want to send a bunch of green, unwilling soldiers to their certain deaths," the angel said.

The man on the other side of the line growled. "You have no shame, do you, Lord Djibril."

"Well, to be honest, you have no concept of loyalty, either. You care too much about the people who despise you instead of those who protect you. Now give me the coordinates on the pilot's location."

There were soft clicking, clacking noises on the other end of the line. The man spoke the location, and who was there.

The angel was not displeased. In fact, he was the champion of this strategy. And now, he was going to get his desired pilot.

And he didn't even need to invade the country to get it. Such a deal.

The angel patiently waited for the re-call upon completion of the mission. Time was something he had in plenty.

He had been waiting for so long already. What was a few more weeks?

Really, how much worth did time have anymore?

* * *

The special-ops soldier got off the com. "We've been given authorization. Shoot to wound or stun, there are children inside, we don't want to scare them too much."

"Roger that, sir," said one of his subordinates.

So began the latest phase of this special forces experiment. It had better work. This had taken up a lot of time and planning to make this happen.

The special-ops soldier felt he could.

He readied his rifle, and prepared it to shoot. It was time they went for the kill.

And then he would finally take his place in the history book of his nation.

That's what mattered, more than anyone or anything else.

Succeeding in a difficult operation like this was a helluva way to get promoted and finding better work.

This shouldn't be too hard, there were just more children around.

After, what could face him?

A blind reverend, a former pop star, a bunch of kids, and the suffering PTSD-ridden hero of the last war?

It would be amusing if it weren't for the fact it was so sad.

The soldier made a signal. It was time to move in.

The squad inched in the grasses. They would be attacking very soon . . . and in possession of the cargo they wanted.

And what valuable cargo it was indeed.


	31. Chapter 31

There were interesting reactions to this chapter on the other forum where I've posted this, for obvious reasons. I wanted to experiment with something I don't think has truly been done properly, but who knows whether I did this properly either.

I just had to see what would happen to a character if the character had to put blood on the hands.

I'm so evil.

This chapter also starts what is intended to be a nonstop medley of "wham chapters" until the mid-forties. There's going to be death, revelations, all that fun stuff. Hope people enjoy it.

And now, I leave you with a taste of the "wham chapters".

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-One: Operation "Scarred Seed" **

_In absence of orders, go find something and kill it._  
-General Erwin Rommel

_It was the realm of darkness again, surrounding him with emptiness. He was just floating in mid-air, yet seemed to be moving towards something he could not know or describe._

_Then there was a face._

_It was her again._

_"Hi again, Kira."_

_"Not you! Can't you leave me alone?"_

_"I've hardly bothered you the last few days."_

_"Why are you 'bothering' me at all?"_

_The girl sighed and looked up towards the darkness above. "I've told you why I'm here so many times. I'm sick of saying the same thing over and over."_

_"How are you even possible?"_

_"Maybe I'll tell you, someday."_

_There was a pause, then the girl turned to face him. Her eyes seemed develop an eerie glow._

_"I'm going to need you to wake up now."_

_"Huh? Why?"_

_"You're not safe anymore."_

_And then he was bombarded with a blinding light.

* * *

_

Kira jolted straight up in bed, and immediately held his head. _Damn it, even when I'm not having nightmares my dreams are still creepy._

Lacus stirred besides him. "Kira, is something wrong?"

"Just . . . just another weird dream, Lacus."

"What?"

"It wasn't violent or anything, just cryptic."

"You mean you had _another_ one with the little girl?"

"Yeah."

Lacus sighed softly. "Just sleep, Kira. You're fine."

Kira rubbed his forehead and tried to think. What was it the girl said? He couldn't quite remember anymore . . .

"I'm going to get a glass of water. Then I'll go back into bed. I promise," Kira said.

Lacus sighed again. "Go ahead. Just watch your step. Fletcher's been setting a lot of traps lately. The boy has these paranoid delusions of strange men coming to get him and he seems to find time to set a new trap every night."

Kira chuckled softly. "Don't worry, I'll be careful."

"I don't want you ending up like Athrun with a bucket on your head, okay?"

"It won't happen, I promise."

Kira grunted as he got up, and he rubbed his violet eyes and he walked towards the door. Those words were what he needed, he felt better already as he entered the hallway.

Of course, the hallway being dark, it felt creepier than it normally would have. Kira had lived in many places over the course of his life, and never had properly settled down. He never had a close relationship with the people who turned out to be his adoptive parents, he would make one set of friends and then wind up in an entirely different place right afterwards.

He never really thought of anywhere as a home. The time he had spent here with Lacus had been the longest stay in any one spot since he was Athrun's friend at the Moon academy. Even his journey on the _Archangel_, as difficult as it had been, was less than a year.

That meant there was never anything comfortably familiar in the dark.

He found the sink quickly enough, and a clean glass in the cabinet. He was filling the glass with water when he felt something press up against the back of his head.

Even in the dark, he knew what it was.

His glass fell into the sink and shattered, the crash being muffled by the sink.

The voice was soft, masculine, and harsh. "Turn the sink off, and stay quiet, and everything will be quick and painless."

Kira reached for the sink, and the gun to his head pressed against him harder. "_Slowly_."

His head spun. _Now_ he remembered what the girl, whatshername, had said. He was no longer safe. And that meant this place wasn't safe, and nobody inside here was safe.

He gritted his teeth as he turned off the faucet. He knew what he had to do. He knew Lacus was going to hate him for dying on her, when she had tried so hard.

But he couldn't get the children out of his mind. He had to protect them. He had to protect the reverend. Senna.

Lacus.

So he yelled as loud as he could.

"Lacus! Get everyone out of here _now_!"

He immediately felt a cloth cover up his mouth and nostrils. He tried to struggle, but his weakened body couldn't offer up any resistance, especially after breathing the substance on the cloth.

It was a classic. Chloroform.

It was the one sleep inducer guaranteed to work long-term on Coordinators, as all Coordinators had built-in resistances to most tranquilizers in existence. These soldiers had done their homework.

And that meant Kira lost consciousness in the next few seconds, as his body crumpled out from under him.

He hoped Lacus had heard him.

He didn't want her to get hurt. Not by these men.

Not because of him . . .

* * *

Lacus heard Kira's yell and immediately leapt out of the bed, and ran into the hallway. "Kira? Kira, are you all right?"

Silenced gunshots answered her call, and she barely ducked back in time to avoid the bullets. The door across the hallway opened, revealing the reverend. "Lacus, what's going on?"

"Reverend Malchio, you and Senna get the children out of here! There's soldiers inside the school!" Lacus hissed.

"What are you going to do?"

"They're after Kira! I have to stop them! Just get the children out of harm's way!"

Before Malchio could respond, Lacus ran out into the hallway. This time there were no gunshots.

Did they already have Kira?

_No. They can't. Not already._

But she knew it was the truth.

Senna wandered out of her room, rubbing her eyes. "Lacus, what's all this yelling going on about?"

"Senna, you and the reverend get the children and get them out of here. We're under attack, and they're after Kira."

"Kira? Why?"

"I don't know. Just get the children out of here."

Malchio emerged from his room. "Lacus, now's not the time to be rash."

Lacus looked at the blind reverend. Even though he could not see her, she knew he could sense her resolve. "I have to help him. I can't let these people, whoever they are, take him. Now get out of here, and call Athrun. He'll be able to scramble somebody to help us out."

"Lacus-"

"I have the key to the sealed cabinet. With what's in there I should be able to do _something_ to stop them. Now get out of here!"

And then she took off down the hall, in the direction of the kitchen, before either of the adults could say anything.

_How can I help Kira? I'm not a soldier!_

Cagalli had given Lacus a couple of shooting lessons after the war, but it wasn't like Lacus practiced firing a gun on a daily basis. She stood no chance against trained commandos, and she knew it. Even if these commandos were Naturals she was an easy target.

She made it into the kitchen, and saw a cloth laying down in the middle of the floor. Even without examining it she knew what it was.

_Chloroform. These people knew they were going for a Coordinator._

She fiddled with her keys as she walked towards the only locked compartment in the entire kitchen. Her eyes looked across the room cautiously, as she wondered if any of the soldiers were still around. It didn't seem they were. They had what they had come for.

_I have to hurry. I can't let them take Kira. If they want Kira, it's because they know he's the Ultimate Coordinator. Who knows what they'll make him do. Who knows what they'll do to him._

She unlocked the compartment.

_I can't let them hurt him!_

The compartment was fairly bare, but what was there was striking. A pistol with multiple clips of ammunition, a zip-line, and a controller.

She heard rumbles in the distance. _Mobile Suits._

She was already almost too late.

She reached for the controller and zip-line, but hesitated as she saw the pistol.

_If I want to save Kira, I'm going to have to kill. There's no way around it._

She shook her head. _I'm not a soldier. What am I thinking? I'm just going to get killed and that won't help Kira at all._

But then a new voice entered her brain, speaking as if _it_ was Lacus Clyne, too. _I love him. And I know he needs me._

_I can't help him._

_Yes, I can. I have what I need to help him._

_I'm not a killer!_

_Anyone can be a killer._

_Not me!_

_Yes, me._

Suddenly, she saw _it_.

_Is this . . . is this what Kira sees?_

_I know the answer to that question._

_Why am I seeing it?_

_Because I know what I must do._

_It_ suddenly began to crack, slowly, subtly.

_What's going to happen to me?_

_I'll be what I need to be._

_How am I seeing a SEED? What is this?_

There was a long silence, other than the soft _cracks_ of the seed slowly crumbling away in her mind's eye.

_I must save Kira._

Lacus suddenly felt a massive headache overcome her, and she fell to her hands and knees, clutching her head as the pain got worse and worse.

_I'm a berserker. I have to save Kira. I have no choice._

Lacus tried to force herself back to her head, but everything was blurry, disorienting. She couldn't focus on anything other than that steadily shattering seed, the seed the same color as her baby blue eyes, cracking and crumbling to unleash something so utterly frightful inside her that she could not control.

His face kept flashing in front of her. The young man she loved so much and had striven to heal and help for so long. He was being ripped away and she was never going to see him again. If she didn't change, Kira would be lost forever. And she'd be left all alone.

_Kira must be saved. He can't be taken away. I have to kill._

Was that her voice, or the voice of some berserker? She couldn't know. There was no way of knowing. Everything was blending, warping. Everything was hurting. The gun was becoming more and more alluring as was the power to kill and the power to destroy and the power to hold someone's life in the palm of her hand-

_I'm not a killer. I'm not a killer. I'm not going to kill. I can't kill. That isn't me!_

_I am a killer. I just never knew it until now._

The seed finally shattered, and Lacus felt the stabbing pain rush from her head throughout the rest of her body.

Tears streamed down her face, and her body was soaked in sweat.

What she was becoming was so paradoxical against her nature that morphing her mindset was complete, total agony.

Finally, the pain became so much that she had no choice but to scream.

And the Lacus Clyne she had always been was gone.

* * *

Everyone heard the scream.

The private, nicknamed "Giraffe" because of his unusual height, turned around and aimed his gun at the schoolhouse that the squad had just exited. His buddy next to him shook his head. "What the hell was that?"

A third trooper chimed in. "That was the worst sound I've ever heard in my life."

The sergeant took charge. "Wolf, you and Giraffe see what the hell's going on in there. One of us better not be screwing around."

Wolf nodded. "Understood. C'mon, Giraffe."

How Giraffe hated his callsign. Right now, though, it was the least of his concerns. He thought the squad had been accounted for, but it wouldn't be the first time a commando squad had broken discipline in order to get some easy action.

They walked up to the door. Wolf whispered "Just go in, make sure nothing's going on, and get out. We can't fall behind. I got your six."

That was what doomed Giraffe in the end.

He would become the first person to be murdered by the young woman he was about to see.

He had just entered when he nearly bumped into her.

He got a good look at her eyes. They were lifeless, focused, alien, and yet tears were relentlessly streaming from them, as if some inner self was trying to break out of her emotionless facade.

_Wait a minute,_ Giraffe thought. _Is that Lacus-_

The gun in her hand was raised in front of her forehead.

_Oh no._

A gunshot put an end to his musings forever.

* * *

There was no control. There was no end. There was just her and the enemy.

The enemy that had taken Kira away.

She could feel her usual self wailing and screaming and crying and she ignored all of it. She could only focus on the mission. Just the mission.

_I must save Kira._

Another soldier entered the hallway. Her reflexes and senses heightened in her SEED state, she shot him in the head, the exact same way she had killed the previous commando.

The wailing became even more cacophonic, but also easier to ignore.

She methodically stepped forward, and picked up the soldier's silenced submachine-gun. Logic dictated that she was going to need this a lot more than just a pistol.

She was going to need the night-vision goggles too.

_I must save Kira._

She checked the ammunition count. In her usual state, it would have wasted several valuable seconds. But she could move really fast, all of a sudden. Or was the rest of the world just moving slow? Whatever the case, she knew the soldier had a full clip inside the submachine-gun in a mere second, and she shoved the clip back inside the gun.

Another caveat of SEED mode. She knew how to hold the thing, just by seeing how both soldiers had carried the weapon before. She had always been a fast learner, and she was memorizing at a inhuman pace.

But as she stepped outside, she could hear engines. Mobile Suits and a transport, all taking off.

She was almost too late.

Almost.

There was one thing she could do.

_I must save Kira._

She pulled out the controller, and turned on the microphone.

"Voice authorization, Lacus Clyne. Password, Shining God."

The rumble to her left confirmed her entry, and she strode towards the sound, and the hulking machine rising from the ground, almost nonchalantly, as if nothing was wrong.

This was what being in SEED mode did.

There was no life, there was no purpose, there was no hesitation. Just her objective.

She had to do what she needed to do, with whatever she needed to use at her disposal.

As she used the zip-line to go all the way up to the cockpit, she got a brief look at her reflection. She was still crying, even though she could see clearly.

Why? Why was she still crying?

She couldn't understand. It didn't make any sense to cry.

She wiped her eyes, but the tears wouldn't stop. It was as if something was bleeding inside of her, and the tears was representing that.

She had to ignore it.

She had a mission, and she could not stop until she had accomplished it.

_I must save Kira._

She ignited the engines, and her gigantic machine roared to life and soared through the night sky.

* * *

The special-ops soldier thought he had the chance to breathe. The operation had gone fairly smoothly, other than the loss of a pair of troopers, losses he had been prepared for. He had already known that Wolf and Giraffe had been doomed the moment he sent them in there.

That was not a cry of physical anguish.

That was all mental.

He just knew.

He knew some things about SEED mode. They had done tests on it. Supposedly, any Coordinator could do it, plus most Slants, and even a few Naturals. And even the most gentle, sweet-hearted Coordinator could become a killing machine with the SEED mode activated.

He had a feeling that was what had happened, and he had sent Wolf and Giraffe in to buy some time so everyone else could get away before the squad was on the receiving end of a SEED rampage.

The squad had been sent with Mobile Suits in addition to the transport, where their target was still unconscious and unresponsive. Hopefully, they'd be gone before the person who went SEED caught up. The last thing the special-ops soldier wanted to do was die to a former pop princess.

She wasn't the target, though. There was no need to try and kill her. Who would believe her, anyway? They had a perfect Lacus Clyne already. Ironically, the _real_ Lacus Clyne would be considered the imposter.

Suddenly, a sensor beeped. The special-ops soldier got on the com. "What is it?"

_"We have an enemy Mobile Suit inbound. It's classification is . . . is the GUNDAM Freedom."_

_So our SEEDed pursuer caught up anyway._ The soldier sighed. "You and the rest of the Zakus make a diversion, distract her in order for us to get away. Remember, the rendezvous is the old Carpentaria base."

_"Understood,"_ the pilot said, and communication was stopped.

The specal-ops soldier knew he would never speak to that pilot again, or any of the Zaku pilots for that matter. Even an untrained pilot could do some spectacular damage in the Freedom, especially in SEED mode.

Now the only hope was to escape.

The special-ops soldier did not want to see what would happen if the SEED berserker, whetjher it was Lacus Clyne or someone else, caught up.

The results were not going to be pretty.

Also likely to be fatal.

_I should have killed her_, the soldier thought. This was the price he was going to pay for his mercy.

He hoped he would live so he could regret it.

* * *

The target was trying to flee, while the escorts were going to try to rush her, in order to stop her once and for all.

She didn't have proper training on this GUNDAM, or any GUNDAM for that matter, but she knew how Kira flew it. It wouldn't be _that_ hard to perform a passable imitation.

She turned on the automatic targeting, and locked on to all of the pursuers. She needed to wipe them all out at once before they tried to surround her. It would be an easy task, all it took was one pull of the trigger after she was locked on to every enemy she desired to destroy.

She fired.

Several bright flashes erupted from her machine's cannons, and rushed with utmost precision towards all of her targets. They were all hit in the chest areas, in the cockpits, vaporizing the occupants. The machines sparked and exploded one after another, illuminating the night with bright fireballs before they fell to to the ground in burnt, shattered pieces.

With _those_ obstacles out of the way, she could track the transport carrying the one she loved. And she found it.

Immediately she put power to the engines and accelerated. Her machine's powerful thrust pressed her back against her seat as the machine propelled itself towards its target.

She wasn't going to dare to try to shoot the transport down. Doing that would risk killing Kira.

No, she was going to have to take a different tact if she wanted him back.

She caught up to the transport in less than a minute, and as she expected, it was defenseless. They had shot their bolt when the Zakus had been annihilated.

But she needed to bring the transport down anyway.

She moved the Freedom's right hand towards the cockpit, while the left reached towards a different area of the transport.

The Freedom's hands became vises.

The cockpit imploded, with both the pilot and co-pilot being crushed inside the Freedom''s right fist. The left hand, for its part, immediately halted all momentum, and effectively made the transport docile and helpless in her hands.

She was almost finished. She had almost won.

The next part of this was going to be the hard part. She could not risk killing Kira. She was going to have to defeat the final soldiers with the gun she had grabbed from the dead commando back at the school.

She could do it. There was no fear in her anymore, or any remorse. By being in SEED mode, she had parted ways with all of that, albeit temporarily.

The Freedom landed on the ground, and carefully set the shattered transport to the ground.

She prepared the submachine-gun. Once this was finished, she wouldn't have to kill again. She could try to go back to the way she had been.

But was it even possible anymore?

No, it wasn't her problem. She couldn't fret about it. She would lose her focus, and the cause of the anger and torment that had sent her into this rampage in the first place. The moment she snapped out of it, she would die.

She could not die.

She needed to finish what she had started.

She unlocked the cockpit, and prepared the zip-line.

_Kira, I've almost saved you._

She descended to the ground, and prepared for her final assault.

* * *

Kira stirred in time to discover that he had been restrained in a chair, handcuffs keeping him unable to move. He tried to get a clear vision on things, but he couldn't see well enough, or hear. What had they done to him?

Oh wait, the chloroform. The classic sleep inducer. The soldiers had put him to sleep.

Suddenly, he felt someone touching his hands. "Who's there?"

"It's me."

The voice was familiar, but it sounded so hollow, so far away. "Who?"

"It's me, Kira."

Kira's eyes finally opened, and he finally saw the room.

He was in the back on some ruined transport aircraft, and there were three commandos laying on the ground, blasted in the head with precision. They had been completely, utterly, slaughtered.

"Where . . . where the hell am I?"

"It doesn't matter. I'm here to save you. We'll be back where we belong soon."

Suddenly, the handcuffs fell away, and Kira felt his arms become free. He examined them, to make sure nothing was broken. Surprisingly, none were. Despite how brittle he had to be, he hadn't been harmed in any way by his kidnappers, other than being on the receiving end of chloroform.

The source of the voice suddenly appeared to his right and walked in front of him, the source's back turned. But Kira knew who it was, just by looking at the hair.

_Lacus_?

Lacus turned around, and Kira saw a horrifying sight.

It wasn't just that her nightgown was torn in multiple places. Or the fact that she was carrying a gun. Or even that specks of blood were all over her.

It was her eyes.

They were so cold, emotionless, focused, fearless, without remorse. It looked like she had been crying recently, but had stopped.

Then Kira realized what that meant.

_Lacus . . . Lacus saw the SEED?_

"Do you need help, Kira?" Lacus asked softly. Even her voice sounded like it was coming from another world, or another being, like she wasn't quite human.

"Uh, no, Lacus," Kira managed awkwardly, and he forced himself to his feet. The smell in here was becoming repugnant, he could barely keep himself from throwing up. He had to get out of here, out of this nightmare.

As he began to stagger out of the transport, Lacus calmly led the way towards the Freedom. Kira was stunned to see it. Lacus had the code and voice authorization to activate it, but he had no idea she could actually _use_ it. Unless she truly had no idea how to fly it, and all of this was because of the SEED.

Kira had a feeling what the truth was.

"Please grab on," Lacus said, as she aimed her zip-line at the cockpit. Kira obeyed without a sound, and they were brought up to the open cockpit.

The cockpit hissed shut, and Lacus turned on the engines. The Freedom roared to life and took off, and it took Kira a lot of effort to not bump into Lacus as they blasted away.

There was only silence for the next several moments. Kira wanted to say something, but wasn't sure what. Finally, he came up with something.

"Lacus, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Kira."

"Lacus, you can calm down. It's over."

"I said I'm fine."

The slight tremble in her voice suggested that SEED mode was finally failing. Kira knew he had to keep pressing. He needed to see Lacus again. The Lacus he knew. Not this . . . berserk variation.

"Lacus, it's all right. Please, I'm right here. Just relax."

"Kira . . ."

"You can relax."

There was silence, and then Lacus took a teary, soft breath. "Oh, Kira . . . ."

"You see, you're fine."

Lacus held her hands in front of her face ,as if she had never seen them before. Her voice trembled with sadness and horror. "Kira, what have I done? I couldn't . . . . I couldn't stop myself, Kira . . ."

She brought her hands to her face and sobbed. The Freedom immediately started going off course and Kira had to engage the autopilot in order to keep them from falling into the ocean.

Lacus' trembling hands ran through her hair as she shook violently. "I became a monster, Kira . . . I felt nothing. I felt nothing at all."

"Lacus, it's okay," Kira said softly, as he wrapped his arms around her the best he could. The pain in her voice was so heartwrenching that he felt himself beginning to cry too.

She had killed so many people for him.

It wasn't right. It should have been anyone but Lacus. Anyone else.

"Is this . . . is this what it felt like, Kira? To have no feelings, to only kill . . . Kira, this is why you're in so much pain, isn't it? I finally understand, Kira . . . I finally know how you feel."

And she sobbed into his thin chest as they flew through the sky.

Kira tried to stay calm, but couldn't. Lacus had done all of this for his sake. It was like he had thought earlier. She had changed herself to suit his needs already, and now she had done so again, becoming the berserker in order to get the power to rescue him.

How long ago would the roles have been reversed?

It wasn't right, it wasn't right at all.

The Freedom made it to the school, then, and Kira moved to take control, despite not actually being in the seat. He could fly this thing from an awkward position, the Freedom was really easy to control for a Coordinator.

He picked up something on sensors, and he turned one of the Freedom's cameras on. He saw them, then, the reverend, Senna, and the children.

He smiled. They were all right, they weren't hurt because of-

Then he realized something was wrong.

There were more people.

And they weren't from Orb, he could see that already.

More special-ops soldiers. And they looked different from the last group.

Rather than being safe, every occupant of the school had become an hostage.

And this time, no amount of gunplay was going to save them.

_Damn it,_ Kira thought. _They won anyway . . .  
_

He struggled not to cry as he landed the Freedom in the middle of nowhere.


	32. Chapter 32

Liu: What that line meant is that there is nothing around them. The orphanage is literally in the middle of nowhere, miles away from any town, population center, etc. That means that they're not likely to be found, but if they are found, no one will ever notice. That's kinda what's happening at the end of 31. And yes, Djibril has Kira in mind to pilot the Destroy. To Djibril, he gets to, well, he discusses his motivations very, very soon, I don't need to explain his thoughts to you. XD

I really wanted to see what would happen if Lacus had blood on her hands. How she would change. Will she still be the pure Lacus she's always been, will she still be a good person? Or will she become someone else entirely, good or bad?

I am shooting for parallelness while also making things totally different at the same time. Destiny, contrary to popular belief, was not a bad series until after episode 37. After 37, the series just went downhill steadily from there until it completely fell apart. But those final 13 episodes are what decided Destiny's, uh, destiny. XD That's why everyone thinks the series sucks, because the final episodes frankly do. Basically all of the changes are to set up the totally different conclusion.

I'm also done uploading multiple chapters each day I upload. There will still be multiple uploads each week, but they will be one at a time each day . . . unless falls behind the MAHQ forums too much, in which I will post multiple chapters at once again.

Thank you for reading, and I hope you continue to enjoy the story.

**

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Two: Humans Being**

_Hope requires the contender  
Who sees no virtue in surrender.  
From the cradle to the bier,  
The heart must persevere. _  
-Dean Koontz; **The Book of Counted Joys**

Here, the chaos of war seemed far away, impossible, a total fantasy. But Shinn Asuka knew that it was much closer than anyone dared to say, that soon the _Minerva_ would be fighting for its life to get out of the siege.

And he knew the moment he went out there Stellar would inevitably rush him again. She had nearly killed Shiho Hassenfuss the last time. It was still 50/50 that Shiho's replacement Zaku would be loaded onto the _Minerva_ before departure. If the replacement Zaku, a Blaze Zaku Phantom judging by rumors, failed to load, that meant Shinn would be facing Stellar alone.

It was a terrifying prospect, especially if her friends joined the battle. He had been lucky in the first two encounters. But Sting and Auel would join with her eventually, and there'd be no way he could fight them off by himself. It was doubtful that he'd win even with Shiho's help.

_That second wingmate better show up, for my sake._ He had heard rumors that this new guy would be a member of FAITH. Becoming a part of FAITH, ZAFT's special forces, was highly prestigious, one could only join by appointment by the Supreme Chairman himself.

Would a FAITH member, though, accept being demoted under Shinn? Or would Shinn be giving up the Impulse GUNDAM to this guy? Or would there be a compromise, where Shinn would keep the Impulse but be under the command of the FAITH member?

But that was just speculation, again. At least with the new guy he would have even numbers against Stellar and her pair of friends.

But Shinn didn't have it in him to kill Stellar and she was _always_ going for the kill. With intangibles to consider, he was still at a disadvantage.

_How am I going to get out of this? Stellar won't stop trying to kill me, and she nearly got Shiho killed. It was pure dumb luck that saved Shiho. I can't count on that again._

His door opened, and Shinn looked up from his bed. It was Meyrin.

"Hi, Shinn. I noticed you weren't in the cafeteria."

"I'm not hungry."

"Fresh food for the first time in weeks and you're not hungry? Luna was practically pigging out!"

Shinn saw something being flipped from her hand and he barely got his hand out in time to catch it. It was an apple, meticulously perfected without even a hint of a bruise or scar.

But what else could he expect from ZAFT growers?

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Shinn bit into the apple. It _was_ nice to have something fresh and juicy, and had no relation at all to the slimy mystery meat that had begun dominating the diets around here. At least for a few days, the mystery meat would be staved off.

That is, if they survived.

"See? There's more like it in the cafeteria. We have an overstock, actually."

"I'll think about it," Shinn said. He paused for a moment. "Why are you here?"

"What, I'm not allowed to come in?"

"Of course you are! I'm just asking why."

Meyrin smiled knowingly. "I'm your girlfriend now, remember? I'm allowed to see if my boyfriend's okay."

Shinn felt his face heat up and he looked away. "Oh. Oh yeah, right."

_I keep forgetting I'm not with Stellar anymore. Why do I keep doing that?_

He looked at the person who was supposed to be his _new_ girlfriend. _Why do I keep wanting to push her away? Why doesn't this feel right?_

In truth, he was feeling more and more awkward about the relationship every passing day. Other than the moment where he had said practically _everything_ to her in an emotional torrent, he hadn't felt completely comfortable with her. And he knew it all led back to Stellar.

He just could not let go of Stellar.

Meyrin sat down beside him, and Shinn felt his chest tighten as her hand brushed against his. Just because he was still conflicted over Stellar did not mean he didn't feel embarrassment or bashfulness around Meyrin.

"You're wearing your 'worried' look. What is it this time?"

Shinn searched his mind, and found something he could actually tell Meyrin without breaking her heart. "I'm thinking about tomorrow. We're supposed to try and break out."

"Oh." Meyrin sighed and her eyes seemed to go elsewhere. "The captain was arguing about this with Colonel Waltfield and Lieutenant-Commander Trine. They don't know where to try to go, whether to try to head towards the Suez, or go to South America, and by that I mean the Caribbean."

"Why the heck would we head towards the Suez? There's nothing there!"

"The captain says the Supreme Chairman's trying to twist Israel's arm."

"Israel? Aren't they supposed to be paranoid shut-ins?"

"They _have_ been sold out by everybody except us, I guess they have a right to be."

Shinn groaned as he laid on his bed. "We go through the Suez we're doomed. There's nothing for us up there, and we'll just be surrounded."

"It's the same everywhere we go, until we start invading and trying to retake ground. I bet the Supreme Chairman's going to try to take Greece or Italy or something, so we have more of presence there."

Shinn sat back up. "How do you know all this?"

Meyrin gave him a mischievous look. "The captain isn't aware of how sneaky I can be."

"You mean you eavesdrop."

"You don't have to put it like _that_."

Shinn sighed. "I guess not."

Meyrin frowned. "I wasn't being serious with that last comment, Shinn."

"Sorry. I guess I'm just not in a joking mood."

There was silence before Meyrin spoke again. "You're worried about facing Stellar again, aren't you?"

Shinn was not surprised Meyrin knew that, but her bringing Stellar up still made his heart pound against his chest. "Yeah. I could be fighting her by myself."

"I could ask Luna to help you. She'd do it, grudgingly."

"You don't need to-"

"Shinn, I'm not going to let your psychotic ex-girlfriend throw you around. I can't, okay?"

Meyrin's forceful voice shattered Shinn out of his reverie and he sighed. "All right, all right, if Shiho can't help you can ask Luna."

"Thank you."

There was another silence, and then Shinn felt Meyrin's fingers brush up against his own again. "Shinn . . . I know you still have feelings for Stellar."

Shinn lost the ability to breathe.

"But I understand that. She was a special girl. I don't know what made her go psycho but I know she had to be amazing if you were going to defect for her."

_Please don't kill me please don't kill me please don't kill me-_

Meyrin's right hand clasped his left. "I just . . . Shinn, I promised you I wouldn't go. Can't you at least promise me the same? I need you, too."

Shinn rediscovered breathing, and somehow managed to speak a coherent sentence. "I think you'd be better off without me."

"Shinn?"

"You don't deserve me."

"Shinn, please-"

"I just feel like I'm going to drag you down."

"You're not going to drag me down. Not unless you leave me." Her grip became tighter. "Shinn . . . you asked me, just a couple of days ago, for me to stay. 'Don't go', you said. Don't do this to me. Please."

Her voice was breaking by the end, and that was made Shinn stop. _I really can't do this. I can't leave Meyrin a crying mess._

Shinn took his left arm and wrapped it around Meyrin, and brought her close. "I'm sorry. I'm just . . . having a difficult time, Meyrin. I'm sorry."

Meyrin looked up at him, and Shinn was uncomfortably reminded that despite her attempts to look older this was a girl who couldn't get a driver's license in any of the PLANTs. Her face was just so innocent, so earnest, so _young_.

It was a face he couldn't bear to hurt.

"You're not the problem, Meyrin. It's me."

"Shinn . . ."

"You asked me if you needed to be more than a friend, right before you kissed me for the first time. I never got to answer it. Meyrin, I do need you to be more than a friend. I'll stay with you, Meyrin. No matter what."

Meyrin's eyes seemed to shimmer for a second, and Shinn felt more and more guilty over this young girl. How could he break this girl's heart over someone he would likely never see in person again? Over a fantasy of rescuing Stellar from her insanity? Meyrin was just too _innocent_ to hurt.

"Thank you," she whispered. She wrapped herself around him, and they shared a kiss.

She was too good for him, and getting far too little in exchange for her opening her heart. Shinn knew that if he left Meyrin, he would be leaving her a jaded, heartbroken, depressed girl who would wonder what she did wrong for years. A lot of guys could do that without even a hint of guilt, but Shinn couldn't.

He could not bring pain to this girl's face.

He couldn't bear to destroy her innocence.

He couldn't make her efforts to grow up be wasted, as her struggles to mature were all for him.

But, perhaps more than everything else, he knew he could not leave Meyrin crying all alone.

When he was crying, Meyrin had been there for him.

But what if? What he left, and then Luna died? Who'd be there for Meyrin then? Who knew what disgusting people lived onboard this ship, and would take advantage of a heartbroken girl?

He just couldn't do it.

But now, there was something else, something heavier than his desire for Stellar, infesting his heart.

It was guilt.

Simple, unfiltered, guilt.

And it would be with him forever.

* * *

Gilbert Durandal was not happy with the report he was getting on the other end of the line. "What do you mean, the squad has been lost?"

_"I'm telling the truth! The squad's vital signs are all reading KIA. The Mobile Suits and the transport are all listed as destroyed, too. Something attacked them, and I don't think it was Earth Alliance or Orb."_

Gilbert Durandal had a sinking feeling who the culprit was. "Thank you for your report, soldier. Please, try to find something conclusive."

_"Yes, sir!"_

The connection was disabled, and Gilbert closed his end. He hadn't expected his attempt to save Ultimate Coordinator from Blue Cosmos to be defeated so easily. Especially as the only person who could have done it was the _real_ Lacus Clyne.

How the hell could that glorified pop singer fly a Mobile Suit?

He heard an all-knowing, smoky chuckle behind him. Durandal turned, and saw Meer Campbell, now in her preferred adult form, looking ever so smug.

Damn Method actresses.

"What are you amused about, Meer?" Gilbert asked, carefully keeping his voice even.

"The irony, Chairman! The irony. You tried to kidnap Kira Yamato in order to save him from a kidnapping, but instead Lacus Clyne or whoever kicked your commandos' asses! But instead of saving Kira, the rescuer's doomed Kira because that means the Earth Alliance will kidnap him after all!" And then she launched into another wild, noblewoman-esque tirade of laughter.

Gilbert didn't find the latest turn of events amusing at all.

"Speaking of things not according to plan, your last three speeches all broke from the script," he said.

Meer stopped laughing, and gave him an indignant look. "You hired me to become _Lacus Clyne_, not become your sexy mouthpiece, Supreme Chairman. Lacus Clyne would never say the things you want her to say. I did manage to slip in some slight pro-ZAFT bias into the last one, but that's because of the siege of Madagascar. You need to give Lacus something that will make her side with the ZAFT over everyone else."

"I did not hire you to write your own scripts."

"You're right. You hired me because I can become anyone I desire, Supreme Chairman." As if to mock him, she smoothly transformed herself back into Lacus Clyne. "Including becoming indistinguishable from the real thing."

Gilbert folded his hands. "And you feel it is prudent to lecture _me_?"

"Certainly. The _real_ Lacus Clyne would lecture you too. Just staying in character, Supreme Chairman." Meer-Lacus gave him a knowing wink. "Speaking of which, I do believe I have a concert coming up in a matter of hours. Better get the singing voice warmed up. Goodbye!"

And she strutted out of the office like she owned the place.

Gilbert rubbed his forehead. How he wished he could remove Meer, but the woman, as always, brought up a good point. She was definitely performing as Lacus Clyne with each speech she made. Trying to force her to stick to the script would make people suspicious.

But this was giving him a headache he did not anticipate.

At least he had a backup plan for dealing with Kira Yamato if he wound up fighting against the ZAFT.

He had no backup plan for Meer, especially if she, in some delusion, went rogue.

He needed to come up with one, and fast, before his headaches multiplied at an alarming rate.

Before these headaches would be the least of his concern . . .

* * *

Kira and Lacus cautiously approached the squad of soldiers surrounding the reverend, Senna, and the children. The soldiers _were_ ready to shoot at a moment's notice, and Kira knew there was no way either he or Lacus would accept any harm coming to the children.

But what did that mean? That he would have to just give himself up?

What did he do? Why did people want him so badly?

One of the soldiers approached them. "You're Kira Yamato, aren't you?"

"Yes," Kira said.

The soldier made a signal to one of his squadmates, and the squadmate nodded and went on the com, saying something Kira couldn't make out at this distance.

The soldier then looked back at Kira. "You're coming with us."

"He will not!" Lacus yelled.

The soldier aimed his gun at Lacus. "You have no say in this."

"Yes, I do! Kira doesn't deserve whatever you're going to do to him!"

The soldier sighed. "I don't want to kill you, Lacus Clyne. Your survival complicates things for the ZAFT and the impostor they're using."

Kira was shocked. "You know that there's an impostor Lacus?"

"Of course I do. I have excellent intel on the subject," the soldier said. "And that's why I don't want to shoot your girlfriend unless she forces the issue. She makes things much more dangerous for the ZAFT, which is useful for our purposes."

"So you _are_ Earth Alliance."

"What tipped you off? Who else is fighting the ZAFT but us? Now look, give yourself up, Kira Yamato, or I will shoot a child every minute until you do. Once I'm out of children, I'll shoot the reverend, the young lady, and finally Lacus Clyne, and capture you anyway. You know there's no way out of this."

Kira gritted his teeth. He wished for Athrun to arrive and wipe these guys out, but he had a feeling no one was coming. These soldiers had rounded everyone up, and had done so without attracting any sort of attention. The battle against the ZAFT commandos had to have triggered _some_ alarm, but who knew how long it would be before Orb Mobile Suits would get here?

Kira decided to play that tactic anyway. "You know that I stall the more likely it'll be that Orb will do something about this."

"You'd be right, Kira Yamato, if it weren't for the fact that we used an EMP before deploying. All electronics, including communications, have been fried in a mile-long radius. A good thing too, or our pretty teacher here would have raised the alarm."

Kira looked at Senna, and the bespectacled teacher still looked defiant, despite looking roughed up.

But defiance wasn't going to do anything here.

Kira raised his hands. "Fine, then."

"Kira, wait!" Lacus cried.

"Lacus, there's no choice. The children are the future, remember?"

Lacus looked away. "They're going to make you kill."

"I know that. I have to deal with it." Kira wished he was a quarter as confident as he sounded. His brave mask was precisely that, a mask, trying to cover up all of his fear and trepidation over what was going to happen to him.

Kira stepped forward, and the soldier immediately restrained him with the handcuffs, just like the ZAFT commando had.

"Good," the soldier said. "I don't like killing kids."

He pushed Kira along, and Kira couldn't bear to look back at Lacus.

After all of her efforts, after killing so many people to save him, it had all been for nothing.

All he could hope for now was for Lacus to stay strong. If she could manage that . . .

The soldier got on the com. "'Scarred Seed' is a success. Tell Delivery Warehouse that. Thank you."

_They know I'm not okay and they're still going to use me for something. What the hell is wrong with these guys? Why do they want to use me?_

Kira had a frightening idea why.

He was going to be used as a weapon.

In the end, the Ultimate Coordinator to the Earth Alliance was not a person. Just a weapon to be aimed.

He hoped there would be enough of him left so he wouldn't be a monster.

He didn't want to become his nightmare.

He wouldn't be able to bear it.

The door in the transport closed, and the last thing Kira Yamato saw was Lacus Clyne, tears streaming down her cheeks.

He hadn't wanted to make Lacus cry again . . .

Darkness.


	33. Chapter 33

Oh, hell, I'll make this a multiple upload. Three chapters at once, since 35 ends on one of the better cliffhangers I've come up with (which also caused its fair share of controversy just like chapter 31). Enjoy!**  
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* * *

Chapter Thirty-Three: Seeker**

_The corpse that you planted last year in your garden,  
Has it begun to sprout? Will it bloom this year? _  
T.S. Eliot, **The Waste Land**

They weren't being launched from the hangar bay. It would be their ultimate destination, but the Mobile Suits would be taking off from inside the hangar, besides the _Minerva_ and a large convoy of ships and aircraft. The evacuation of Madagascar was about to commence, with news that the Earth Alliance had finally achieved a breakthrough on the southwestern portion of the island, and was moving to attack the capital and cut off the western approach. This meant the only escape route was north, towards the Suez.

Towards uncertainty with limited supplies and power. This was likely not going to end well.

They had an obligation to try to give the rearguard troops a chance to escape. That meant the Mobile Suits couldn't just protect the gigantic convoy, but also hold the harbor in order to protect the ships trying to catch up.

But first, the _Minerva_ was going to lead a breakout through the Earth Alliance lines. And the three GUNDAMs, Justice, Saviour, and Impulse, were going to lead the way.

A lot of people were going to die today.

Shinn Asuka hoped he wasn't going to be one of them.

One minute to go before liftoff. He was going to be by himself. Shiho's new Zaku was supposed to be here any minute now but who knew when she was going to catch up. How could he fight Stellar by himself? Dearka had said that Shinn should hold out until Shiho arrived, but Shinn did not have the same confidence in himself.

It was early morning, clear, with the sun only starting to rise. He couldn't see the enemy vessels in the distance, and the Mobile Suits he was going to have to annihilate. But he knew they were out there. And they'd be gunning for him because everybody wanted to kill a GUNDAM.

And Shinn's would be the easiest to kill.

_Damn it, don't make me do this by myself, Dearka._

The ZAFT stationary guns fell silent. Thirty seconds to go.

_I'm gonna die._

Suddenly, he saw a Zaku being unloaded beside him, to the left. "Shiho?" he asked.

_"I'm right here. This time don't let me get shot down, all right? I don't want to waste time repainting all of my kills again."_

Shinn smiled slightly at Shiho's attempt at gallows humor. "Right. I wouldn't want to repaint anything-"

_"Twenty seconds, Shinn."_

"Oh, right."

Dearka's voice came on. _"All right, our mission is simple. Smash the hell out of the Earth Alliance until there isn't anyone left in the way. We not only have soldiers to get out of here, but civilians too, those who couldn't make it to the Mass Driver or to South America in time. We need to plow the road for them. As the old saying goes, stay frosty."_

There was a pause. Then Dearka shouted _"Now! Everyone go! Move it!"_

Shinn powered up the engines and launched into the air.

It wasn't even twenty seconds before he saw his first Mobile Suit, and the faint dark shapes of the opposing Earth Alliance fleet.

"There's a lot of them," Shinn said.

_"Doesn't matter, Shinn,"_ Dearka said. _"We need to smash them before daylight. Pick your targets and fire."_

Shinn aimed, as he waited for his chosen Windam to come within range. He was flying the Blast Impulse, which meant he had a rail cannon and a quadruple missile launcher. He needed to have more finesse in this fight, he couldn't afford for the enemy to get close.

He didn't feel right in the Blast Impulse. He had used the Sword Impulse for so long he didn't feel natural in either the Force or Blast variations. But it was an important part of the strategy for Shinn to have long-range capability. He needed to wipe out a sizable portion of the enemy Mobile Suit contingent to give everyone a chance. After all, the ZAFT was badly outnumbered.

He was locked on.

_I have to fire the first shot._

Shinn did so, and a gigantic ray erupted from his rail cannon. To his shock, the ray didn't just hit the Windam he targeted, but multiple Windams behind his target. The cannon's power had been much more than he anticipated, and he got four kills with just one shot.

_Damn it, how powerful is this thing?_

Then rays started blazing past him, and Shinn immediately went into evasive maneuvers. The war had returned in earnest now, and he had a hard battle ahead if he wanted to survive.

And he had planned on surviving. He hadn't come this far on this planet just to die.

No one ever did . . .

* * *

The angel was most pleased.

"So this is what they call the Ultimate Coordinator," the angel said softly as he examined the unconscious, underweight _boy_. Kira Yamato, the person who had led the ruin of Muruta Azrael's plans, among other things. To think that a child, a _child_, was responsible for all that, seemed impossible. But here he was.

The angel wanted to be so sure that Kira Yamato was real that he had flown to Kira, instead of the other way around.

The scientist watching over the boy gave the angel a quick salute. "Lord Djibril, his identity checks out, and his genetics do show an advancement over the average Coordinator. This boy is indeed the Ultimate Coordinator."

"And that means he is the ultimate abomination."

"Uh, yes, of course, Lord Djibril." Not the most convincing response.

_Damn scientists. They don't see things for what they are, they just see potential experiments and research._

But that was fine. He had no need for biological scientists anymore.

What he needed were soldiers, and military scientists. They would be the ones working with the Ultimate Coordinator now.

And, as if on cue, they arrived.

"I can't believe it," said one.

"This is him? This is the Ultimate Coordinator?"

"Doesn't he ever eat?"

"He's just a kid!"

"I've heard of appearances being deceiving but this takes it to a ridiculous level!"

The angel clapped his hands. "Enough. There will be plenty of time to gawk at him later, as he does what we want him to do?"

One of the generals looked at the angel oddly. "What do we want him to do?"

"Simple," the angel said. "We're going to have him exterminate his own kind. The Coordinators' own foolish attempt to improve themselves will be their final undoing."

"How are you going to make him do this?" asked the only woman in the room, also a military officer, and a rather high-ranking member of Blue Cosmos at that.

"It seems that our Ultimate Coordinator has emotional damages," the angel said. "We can exploit them. We will drive him mad, but not before he is done with the extermination. He will fall prey to his worst impulses, and become a monster . . . but once he is finished we will simply shoot him, and that will be the end to all Coordinators."

"So how are we going to do this? We have a living weapon, but how can we use him?" asked a general.

"That's right," added a scientist. "I doubt he'll be inclined to destroy his own kind, unless . . . unless you were to tamper with his mind."

"That's exactly what I want," the angel said. "Both using science, and emotion."

The angel turned to a general. "You have a daughter, don't you?"

The general became nervous. "Yes?"

"I will need her services."

"Lord Djibril, please-"

"She will simply reinforce what we're going to shove into this boy's head . . . and keep him sane enough to accomplish his task. She's twenty-five, she's old and mature enough to know what she's doing."

The general looked away. "I understand. I'll let her know. She will be pleased to finally serve Blue Cosmos."

The angel smiled. "As should you."

The general did not respond.

The woman spoke up. "But what will we be deploying this child in? What kind of power can we obtain that will grant this boy the ability to destroy the Coordinators."

"Ah, destroy," the angel said. "Wonderful choice of words."

The woman cocked an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"Orb has given us the means to do so. They have sold us a GUNDAM called, fittingly, if a bit obtusely, the 'Destroy'. The reason why I had this boy nabbed is because the 'Destroy', to be frank, needs a pilot. And the 'Destroy' has the power to cripple a PLANT in one shot, and wipe out entire fleets by itself."

Everyone in the room fell silent. No one dared to speak, as they ran that through their heads. It was everyone's wildest dreams, a single machine, and a single pilot, could systematically exterminate the biggest threat to the human race. Could annihilate the hated PLANTs, slaughter the Coordinators, butcher all resistance.

The Ultimate Coordinator, flying a machine called the 'Destroy'.

It was _perfect_.

The general who happened to be a father was the first one to speak. "Why would the Orb be so naive as to sell us that?"

"They're so eager to stay out of the fighting they will sell us genocide in order to not have any blood on their hands," the angel said. "They call themselves pacifists, but they are merely cowardly hypocrites. They will sell the means to war, but won't have anything to do with the final product."

The angel laughed. "But Orb will eventually discover their foolishness soon enough. Their Representative Athha in particular lacks the idiocy of the rest of her family. But she is also predictable . . . "

He let himself trail off. He didn't need to let everyone know the _full_ plan.

"I want everything set up. I want the Destroy ready for a test run as soon as possible," the angel said.

"A test run?" asked the woman. "On what?"

"There's a bunch of ZAFT soldiers fleeing for their lives from Madagascar," the angel said. "The first mission for the Destroy will be to slaughter them to a man. We should be able to have the Destroy, and pilot, ready to launch as this convoy retreats into the Suez. That is when they will meet their end."

All of their eyes were upon him, in awe of his genius plan. It made perfect sense. Why risk the Destroy on the PLANTs, and instead test its capabilities on an easier target? Not to mention that the Destroy will get the rare opportunity to destroy the three GUNDAM machines in ZAFT's possession.

It was win-win.

How the angel wished his apprentice, Muruta Azrael, had a lick of strategic sense. If he had, the angel wouldn't be resorting to these tactics. The war could have been won years ago and Azrael had been too blind and angered to see how.

But the angel was not blind, and he was not stupid.

Here, he was going to create the pure, blue world he had always wanted.

And soon, Coordinators would be nothing but an unpleasant memory.

Genocide was a good way of reducing entities to memory.

* * *

It was pouring rain as Athrun ran outside with Cagalli to see Lacus. After finding out what happened, Athrun had scrambled whole squadrons of Mobile Suits to comb _everywhere_ looking for Kira. So far, there had been no sign.

The kids were being ushered towards a private building Cagalli had arranged to them and Reverend Malchio to stay in. For her part, Lacus just stood outside, letting the rain wash all over her. She didn't even bother to open her umbrella and hold it above her. She just stared at the ground, completely, utterly defeated.

"Lacus," Athrun managed as he reached her. He held the umbrella over her head. "Lacus, I'm so sorry. I'm going to try to-"

"Athrun, please put the umbrella away."

"Huh?"

"I want the rain to hit me, Athrun. Please."

Cagalli scoffed. "Lacus, don't be stupid. You'll make yourself sick."

"Please, Athrun."

After looking at her, Athrun reluctantly obliged. Even Cagalli didn't argue the point. They both knew why Lacus was acting this way.

Athrun sighed. "We have the Freedom being transported here, too, so-"

"Athrun, I can't sing."

Athrun paused. "What, Lacus?"

"I can't sing."

Athrun moved closer. "Lacus, what do you mean?"

Lacus stared at her hands. "I tried to sing to the kids, to make them feel better. I couldn't do it. My voice is gone, Athrun. I can't sing anymore."

Cagalli stepped in. "Wait, you mean you _literally_ can't sing?"

"I can't." Lacus fell to her knees. "I can't. I killed all those people. And I kept count, too. I killed sixteen people for Kira, and it still didn't matter. I killed people for nothing . . . and I can't sing anymore. What have I become? Can't someone tell me?"

Athrun and Cagalli looked at each other. They both knew what they had talked about just yesterday. They both knew that it was nothing to say in front of Lacus now either."

"Look," Athrun said. "Let's go inside. You get dry, and try to calm down. We'll find Kira, okay? We won't stop until we find Kira."

"O-Okay . . ." Lacus slowly walked away, as if in a daze.

Cagalli just shook her head. "Why did the Earth Alliance take my brother?"

"It probably wasn't the EA. It had to be Blue Cosmos."

"Blue Cosmos." Cagalli practically spat those words. "How dare they. If they force my brother to fight I will kill them so fast they won't even have the chance to regret it."

Athrun sighed. "Cagalli, right now, we need to figure out something. Kira's long gone from Orb waters. There has to be a way to find him."

"Like what? He could be anywhere in the world."

"I said I don't know. But if I were Blue Cosmos, I'd put him where there's fighting. And right now there's supposed to be fighting happening at Madagascar."

"You think that's where he is?" Cagalli asked.

"Probably pretty close."

Cagalli didn't speak for a second. Then she said "Athrun, I need you to do a favor for me. Remember those bugs you planted inside Yuna and Uncle Unato's offices? I need you to retrieve them for me."

"You can't really think it's them," Athrun said.

"I have to make sure. If I can't trust my family, who can I trust?" Cagalli asked.

"You can trust me," Athrun said.

"I know I can. That's why I'm not a raving lunatic right now." Cagalli chuckled sadly. "Kira . . . they'll break him, Athrun. They'll break him. I know it."

"They won't get the chance. We'll find him."

"We _won't_, Athrun. Not in time."

The pain in Cagalli's voice was so obvious that Athrun's reaction was by pure instinct. He embraced her with one arm, and Cagalli let her umbrella fall to the ground in order to wrap her arms around him.

"We have to try," Athrun said.

"I wish I had been nicer to Kira," Cagalli said. "I wish I had been there more often. He's my brother, Athrun, and I treated him like dirt."

"You didn't, Cagalli."

"I wasn't there for him, Athrun. He needed me and I wasn't there."

There was a long silence in the pouring rain before Athrun spoke. "Cagalli, go to Lacus. I'm going to retrieve those bugs. I'll make sure this wasn't Unato's or Yuna's doing."

"Right . . ." Cagalli said. "Go."

"Stay strong, Cagalli. We'll get through this. We'll find him."

"We better, Athrun. I'm not losing my brother."

"And I'm not losing my best friend."

_And that's final.

* * *

_

_Damn it, just sink!_ Shinn fired another barrage, and sighed with relief as he saw the aircraft carrier finally split into two. It wouldn't be long before it, along with much of its personnel, would be at the bottom of the ocean.

_We're almost through. Just a few more of these ships and we'll be out of here,_ Shinn thought.

Suddenly, his sensor alarm beeped. Shinn checked. _Oh no, not again._

Actually, it was worse this time. It was all _three_ Earth GUNDAMs. Sting and Auel were coming in for the kill, too.

"Meyrin, I need the Sword Silhouette. Now!" Shinn shouted.

_"It's on the way, Shinn."_

In seconds, the Sword Silhouette was there, and Shinn transformed his GUNDAM. He immediately grabbed the Flashedge Beam Boomerang and flung it towards the three approaching GUNDAMs. It missed, but Shinn had expected it too. It had done the job of scattering the incoming machines.

_All right, let's see if I can take Sting or Auel down. They're not as a good as Stellar._

He found one of the non-Gaia GUNDAMs, and struck. He didn't want to kill Sting or Auel, either, but he didn't care for them the way he did for Stellar. Killing Sting and Auel was something he would actually consider.

The GUNDAM machine in question seemed to be the Chaos. It had no melee weaponry. He could take out the Chaos incredibly easily. Although he didn't know for sure, Shinn could sense Sting was the pilot. Sting had to know how vulnerable he was.

And Sting Oakley indeed seemed to realize it, because he immediately put the Chaos into retreat as Shinn swung and missed.

But Shinn had expected to miss.

He readjusted his swing in time to remove one of the Chaos' legs.

_All right, Sting's scared and wounded. That should get him out of the battle. That leaves Stellar and Auel. Where we they?_

Picking on Shiho, actually.

_Damn it, won't they ever leave her alone?_

"Shiho, I'm coming! Just hang on!"

_"About time! Stop partying around over there and help!"_

Shinn intervened, attacking the Abyss GUNDAM. The GUNDAM immediately brought up its lance and blocked Shinn's lunge. This left Stellar with Shiho. Still not great odds, but with Chaos out of the way-

Shinn felt himself get hit. He was thrown around his cockpit, and spun around. A random Windam had gotten involved. And although the Windam was standard-issue equipment, the pilot was smart. He had picked an amazing ambush point, right above. Nobody ever looked up.

_I gotta get out of this, or Shiho or I are in trouble._

But it turned out he didn't have to. Right then and there, he saw dozens upon dozens of machine-gun bursts flash at the enemy machine, and the Windam was forced to back off. Much to Shinn's surprise, the machine was a GOUF Ignited.

_Who's flying that thing?_ Shinn thought.

He got his answer. _"Hey, I was wondering where my new wingmates went off too! You guys decided to go piss off some GUNDAMs, eh?"_

Shiho was not amused._ "It wasn't my idea. The Gaia GUNDAM's pilot is a psycho ex-girlfriend."_

_"Of you, by chance?"_

_"Not funny. Now shoot, or get shot."_

The GOUF pilot laughed. _"Now you're my kind of pilot . . . Shiho Hassenfuss._"

The GOUF charged then, and then knocked the Gaia out of the way, so quickly Shinn was stunned. He hadn't seen a mass-production Mobile Suit _ever_ do that to a GUNDAM.

The GOUF pilot laughed again. _"All right, we're all together now? Good!"_

"Who are you?" Shinn asked.

_"Me? I am Heine Westenfluss, at your service. I'm here to take command of Dearka Elsman's special Mobile Suit wing. I'm your new commander, Shinn Asuka."_

Shinn was surprised enough that he lost track of the Abyss. But he didn't need to take any action. The GOUF's machine-guns fired at the Abyss before it could counter-attack and the Abyss had to pull back before it got shot. It went into submarine mode and dove under the surface. Whether it was out of the battle or not was anyone's guess.

Heine Westenfluss spoke again. _"I apologize for running late, but I got held up back in the harbor. Fighting's getting really bad back there."_

"How bad?" Shinn asked.

_"Bad enough that if we don't break through soon we're going to be surrounded in the open sea."_ Heine sighed._ "But that's what I'm here for. Shinn, get your GUNDAM on my right. Shiho, you're on the left. I believe that Dearka Elsman said we're here to plow the road, right?"_

"Yeah?" Shinn asked.

_"Then let's do some road-plowing. Follow me!"_

And Heine charged back into the fray, brazenly attacking two Windams head-on.

_Damn it, he's crazy. And brave._

Both Windams exploded then, and Shinn knew why Heine was so crazy and brave. The man knew how to fly.

_Maybe we'll break out after all._ It did seem that the GUNDAMs had been forced to pull back, so maybe this battle would be easier at last.

Shinn readied his anti-ship swords. "Well, Shiho, what are we waiting for? Let's go give our commander a hand, shall we?"

_"Just as long as he doesn't get us killed. I'm not ready to see Yzak yet."_

Shinn had no idea what Shiho was talking about, but she charged forward anyway, joining Heine in the melee battle.

_I wonder what she's talking about._

It was something to ponder later. He had to live through this first.

Shinn charged, and soon joined his commander in the thick, clustered fighting over the open sea.


	34. Chapter 34

**Chapter Thirty-Four: Out of Shadow**

_The farther one goes the less one knows._  
-Tao Te Ching

"I'm sorry," Sting Oakley muttered. "I blew it."

Neo Roanoke found himself standing in front of three teenagers, all of whom had their minds and memories messed with unknowingly, and he wondered what he had done to deserve this duty.

He needed to win this war, and these three children were part of the key to win it. Slants were valuable, he had been told relentlessly. He had to make sure they could keep fighting and win those fights. That was part of his responsibility.

"We were all taken by surprise there," Neo said. "The GOUF Ignited's appearance was not anticipated."

"I was out of the battle _before_ the GOUF showed up," Sting said.

"Shinn Asuka's seriously skilled," Auel Neider said. "Auel doesn't know if he can take him."

Auel's third-person nonsense was driving Neo mad. Why hadn't _that_ been removed from that kid's mind too? But he had to deal with it. The effort it would take to make Auel stop the third-person talk would risk turning him into a toddler-like individual, a perpetual child. Neo would rather deal with insipid third-person speech over asinine babble.

"We'll have to defeat him," Neo said. "He's the key to the whole battle. There are no other Mobile Suit in existence as versatile as the Impulse. We need to find a weakness, and exploit it."

Everyone fell silent. It was pretty clear no one had any instant ideas.

Sting spoke. "Maybe there's some weakness in that sword form he likes using? Maybe we can blast him."

"That only works if we can get his wingmates separated," Neo said. "It was difficult enough when he had one. Now he has two."

Everyone fell silent again. Finally, Sting said "Maybe it would be easier to shoot down the Saviour."

"No," Stellar said firmly. "The Impulse."

Auel groaned. "Auel's tired of fighting Shinn."

"You only fought him once!"

"And Auel's tired of it already. Auel wants to do something else."

Stellar made a scoffing sound. "You're just scared."

Auel leaned back against the sofa cushions. "Maybe."

The door opened behind them, and Neo instinctively turned. He was shocked to see who it was. "Feizhi, I told you to stay in bed! You're not fully healed yet!"

"I couldn't help but overhear the conversation," Feizhi said, as she fiddled with her crutch. "And I know how to take the Impulse out."

"How?" Sting asked.

Feizhi smiled. "You need to take that bastard out when he's transforming."

"How do we do that?" Stellar asked.

"I noticed that during my battle against him. He cannot change forms instantly. He needs to completely change his equipment, and when he does so he's a vulnerable little fighter jet. All you guys need to do is force a change in the battle environment to make him transform, and when he does so, you strike. Separate him from his equipment, and destroy the fighter jet. You've won."

That was why Neo liked Feizhi so much, even though she had inadequacy issues. The woman was smart, and she knew how to fight a war. She also knew her enemy.

Stellar stood up. "Then let's take care of him. I'm sure our Mobile Suits have recharged by now."

Feizhi shook her head. "The _Minerva_ broke out a few minutes ago. They're in open sea, heading north. The main reason I'm here is to relay you some orders from the top. They want you guys to break the convoy following the _Minerva_. That way those still on the island or trying to escape will be rolled up."

"Then that is what we'll do then," Neo said. "Destroying the Impulse can wait for another day."

Stellar glared at Neo. "We need to take it out."

"Correction, _you_ want to take it out. We are not at war with the Impulse, we are at war with the ZAFT. And you will follow orders, understood? I humored you this one time, and that won't happen again unless you show you can follow orders."

Stellar looked away. "Understood."

Feizhi gave Stellar a smirk. "Oh, had a falling out with your boyfriend, huh?"

Stellar was about to speak but Neo managed to get a word in first. "This is none of your business. Now please, head back into the hospital. I will see about you getting a new Mobile Suit soon, _once_ you fully recover."

Feizhi sighed. "Understood, sir." And she was gone.

Neo rubbed his forehead. _This is really becoming a pain in the neck. I need to get out of this mess, and soon._

But there was no escape from these children, who he himself had supervised the addling of.

Their altered memories, and in Stellar's case, personality, was all from his doing.

He just hoped that he'd get his private report on Stellar sooner rather than later. He needed to find out what had gone wrong as soon as possible. The longer she was a loose cannon like this, the more likely she'd lose her sanity, and insanity and GUNDAMs equalled a complete, utter disaster.

One Neo was not ready to deal with, and never would be.

* * *

Heine Westenfluss did not look like a special forces soldier. He looked too flamboyant, too devil-may-care, for such a distinction. But here he was, wearing the FAITH emblem with pride, as he inspected his new pilots. Despite being technically outranked by Dearka, the FAITH designation shot him two ranks above his official rank. This meant he was to be treated like he had a colonel's rank, despite being a captain.

Heine paced back and forth in front of them once, which made Shinn uncomfortable. What the heck was this guy doing?

Finally, Heine stopped at the other end of the line, where Dearka Elsman was. Heine nodded. "Dearka Elsman, I remember you from the training academy. Glad to see you're still here. You've been leading this group well, I've put in a recommendation for you to receive FAITH designation."

Dearka's eyes widened. "Really, sir?"

"Really. You've protected the _Minerva_ against all odds, with no casualties to your unit besides one Mobile Suit, and even then the pilot was not killed. In this day and age, that deserves commendation. Also, I like your policy of referring to everyone by their first names. Keeps everyone loose."

"Uh, thank you, si-Heine."

Heine nodded. "You still keep command of your group too, I like how it's set up."

"No problem."

Heine moved to Rey Za Burrel. "And you must be Rey."

"Yes?" Rey asked, his eyes looking suspicious.

Heine sighed. "You try too hard. Loosen up, you're acting like you're hiding something."

Rey just gave Heine a _look_. Heine shrugged. "Just saying."

He moved to Lunamaria Hawke. Much to the surprise of everyone, Heine took Lunamaria's hand and kissed it. "And you're Lunamaria Hawke. Every bit as lovely as I've heard."

Lunamaria was flustered enough she didn't even react to his outdated chivalry with puzzlement. She just blushed and looked away. "T-Thank you."

"No need. I speak the truth." Heine moved to Shiho then. "And you must be the equally lovely-"

Shiho slapped his wrist the moment he reached for her hand. "_No_."

Shinn waited for Heine to show annoyance, if not outright anger, but Heine just chuckled lightly as he held his wrist. "Your point's been made, Shiho Hassenfuss. Just don't be so rough next time."

"Don't touch me, and you won't have that problem, _Heine_," Shiho said, putting an extra amount of tension at the end.

"I see," Heine said. He then finally moved in front of Shinn.

_Well, at least he isn't going to try and kiss my hand,_ Shinn thought.

"Shinn Asuka. Now you are an interesting person. A Slant who somehow managed to impress somebody enough to get one of the prized GUNDAM machines. You are a talent to be reckoned with. I hope you continue your impressive run."

"Thank you," Shinn said. He didn't want to be standing here in the hangar like an idiot much longer. He wanted to head back inside. He knew Meyrin was waiting for him and even though she showed plenty of patience, they both knew that they had just left a battle. Who knew when the next one would arise?

Heine nodded and paced back and forth one more time. "All right. Now that I know who everyone is, I'll introduce myself. FAITH Captain Heine Westenfluss. I was told to take command of this Mobile Suit squad, and I'm glad to see that all of you, minus one member's disciplinary problems, are well-trained and commanded. I like the way Dearka ran things so I'm going to keep it that way. I'll be commanding Shinn and Shiho myself, and Dearka, you can stick with Rey and Lunamaria. Does that sound right to everyone?"

There wasn't a strong response, but Shinn nodded to Heine, and it seemed everyone else accepted it.

"Good. Now stay on alert. We might-_might_-head back into the battle to try to help more of the convoy through. But chances are we're done with that battle, the brass wants to keep us fresh in case we're attacked from the coast of Africa. A good portion of Africa is ZAFT-sympathetic, but the Earth Alliance has been running roughshod over them since the war restarted, so we can't count on any help while we break for the Suez. Everyone understand?"

Everyone nodded or spoke their assent.

"That's also good. Now I'll leave you guys alone, I need to speak with Captain Gladys. We're of the same equilvalent rank, but as I'm FAITH, I'm actually in command of this ship unless I decree her to be in command, so . . . it would be _prudent_ if I let the captain officially have her responsibility back. I hope we work well together, all of you."

And he was gone.

"He's . . . something else," Rey said.

"He's hot," Lunamaria added.

"He's an idiot," Shiho said.

"I don't care who or what he is as long as he doesn't get us killed," Dearka said. "He's in FAITH, that means he's damn good at what he does. Don't let your first impressions decide what you think of him. That FAITH emblem speaks for itself."

Shiho scoffed. "He probably got credit for something he didn't deserve."

"_Shiho_ . . ."

"Sorry, Dearka."

Shinn sighed. "I'm going to go on to the cafeteria. See you guys around."

"Yeah, see you, Shinn," Dearka said.

Shinn walked away then, wondering about his new commander.

_FAITH. He's a member of FAITH. That has to be a good thing, right? He won't get us all killed?_

He had shown good skill fighting the Gaia, but he had the advantage of surprise. He wasn't going to have that anymore.

But for now, he wasn't going to worry about it. He had a date with Meyrin, after all.

Now all he had to worry about was Stellar, and whether he's finally get over her . . .

* * *

"I'm sorry, Cagalli. I just feel so helpless. I killed all those soldiers for nothing. _Nothing_."

"You've been telling me a lot, Lacus. We now know that _both_ the ZAFT and the Earth Alliance knew you were there. That means we have a massive intelligence failure, the higher echelons of Orb have been compromised by both sides."

Lacus shook her head sadly. "They're going to hurt Kira. They're going to make him kill."

"I know that. We'll find him, Lacus."

Cagalli had been speaking to Lacus for the last hour. There, she had heard the whole regaling story of how Kira had been kidnapped in the middle of the night, then Lacus went SEED-berserk and counter-attacked, only to find that the Earth Alliance had also made their move and had taken the orphanage's children hostage.

Cagalli knew that Kira must have felt like he had no choice. Most adults would make that same choice.

"I should've taken up Athrun's offer for bodyguards. I should have. They could have at least given us some warning."

"You had no way of knowing, Lacus."

"But I should have considered . . . Cagalli, I'm so stupid."

"You're not stupid, Lacus. Like I said, you had no way of knowing and your reasoning made sense."

_When's Athrun going to get here? I need to get Unato and Yuna crossed off the list so I can look elsewhere._

She was going to find who leaked that information. And that person was going to pay dearly for what they had done. Cagalli had no idea what she'd do to the person, but she knew she would not stop until that person's life was completely ruined.

So ruined that killing the person would be merciful.

That was her brother. Her twin brother. Cagalli had her own feelings of guilt, but it was becoming replaced by anger. What kind of monsters would kidnap Kira in his condition and presumably make him fight again?

Naomi Mitsuda had claimed she had no idea of the operation and blamed it on Blue Cosmos. It was a convenient excuse, she probably _did_ know about it. Blue Cosmos had a lot of influence up top and she had to know of their activities. After listening to Naomi drone, Cagalli had hung up the phone. She didn't want to listen to that woman's hollow excuses anymore.

Cagalli had made a serious mistake in politics: she had wholeheartedly trusted a politician. This proved she could not trust anybody, other than those who she had too many experiences with to ever betray. Athrun, Murrue, Lacus, Ledonir Kisaka, and maybe a few other people in the Three Ships Alliance. They were the people she could trust.

They, for all practical purposes, were more her family than the Sierans could ever be.

Lacus finally sighed and looked up at Cagalli for the first time in this entire conversation. "Cagalli, the Earth Alliance . . ."

"They betrayed us. I know."

"That was not what I was going to say. I was saying that please be careful trying to get Kira back. The Earth Alliance pretty much has Orb surrounded. I don't want anyone in this country suffering because I couldn't save Kira."

"Lacus, again, this isn't your fault."

Lacus shook her head. "Cagalli, don't turn yourself into a shield to protect everyone else deserving of blame."

"I'm the Orb Representative. I will be ruling this country soon. To quote a politician from before the Cosmic Era, 'the buck stops here'. The fault, ultimately lies with me because I could have _forced_ you to have guards. I could have seen this whole thing coming if I had been more careful."

Lacus was about to reply, but Cagalli knew what she was going to say. "Lacus, you did everything you possibly could. The only other thing that could've been done was slaughter the soldiers . . . and the children, by using the Freedom. I know you could not make that choice."

Lacus looked down. "I killed people, Cagalli. I could not bear Kira being taken away and I _snapped_. I see them, Cagalli. I see everyone I killed, it keeps flashing in front of me. Am I going crazy?"

Cagalli looked away. She knew full well what Lacus was feeling, though she had forced herself to get strong enough to deal with it. She had made peace over the people she had killed in the last war, she had done so in order to save the world, and her country.

"You're not going crazy. It's normal to feel that way for the first time."

"_First_ time?"

"It gets easier, Lacus. That's the scary part about taking someone else's life. At first, you're horrified and disgusted, but the more times you kill . . . you just become relieved it's the other guy and not you."

Lacus began to cry as she wailed the next words. "How can you say that?"

"Because that's what happened to me!" Cagalli rubbed her forehead, and forced herself to calm down. Yelling at Lacus wasn't going to make anything better, and might make Lacus feel even worse.

"I . . . I frankly am a soldier, Lacus. I fought in a desperate guerrilla war, and I had no qualms about triggering mines to kill ZAFT soldiers and destroy their BuCUE machines. Whether it's as a pilot or as an infantry soldier . . . I felt it was my duty to fight for what I believed in. It wasn't until later when I realized there were other ways to do things, that fighting didn't have to be an option."

Lacus looked down again, tears still streaming from her eyes. "You still remember them, don't you?"

"If I let myself. I've trained myself to block it all out, and make peace with my actions. You should too. If you don't, you'll go crazy over it."

Lacus nodded slightly. "I'll . . . I'll try."

It was then when Athrun finally opened the door. "Cagalli."

"Yes?"

"You need to come into the hall with me. You're not going to like this."

Cagalli's heart slammed against her chest. She had a feeling her worst fears were about to be confirmed.

_That means that Uncle and Yuna, they . . . _

Her trembling hands became fists. _They . . . they took my brother. They sold my brother to those bastards._

Cagalli's breathing became louder and louder as they walked into the hallway, and Athrun closed the door. Cagalli felt so much hatred beginning to flow in her. She knew that the Sierans were dirty politicians, but going _this_ far was completely unforgivable. Who would be next?

_What kind of scum are they to do this to my brother? They know what shape he's in._

Athrun spoke. "I didn't have to remove the bugs. I just needed to copy a recording of their recent phone calls. This one is . . ."

"Athrun, you don't need to play it. I believe you."

"Cagalli?"

"I need some time to think. I need to figure out what to do next. Give the recording to Murrue, ask her for her advice."

Athrun wasn't so easily dissuaded. "Cagalli, you sure you don't want me-"

"Athrun, I need some time alone! Please!"

"All . . . all right."

Cagalli stormed off then, walking down the corridor.

_Kira, I'm so sorry. I should've gotten over myself and tried to help you. i should have been there this whole time. Encouraging you, helping you, and try to find out what's wrong and why._

She knew that the Earth Alliance would break Kira like a twig and put him in some machine. Likely a GUNDAM. Possibly the . . .

Then it hit her.

_No way. They wouldn't._

Orb had just sold the Destroy design and prototype. It had shipped out this morning, nothing could stop it now.

_They wouldn't put Kira in that thing._

But she was lying to herself. Now everything made sense.

_What have I done? This is my fault. I . . . Kira . . . _

Tears poured from her eyes as she saw the seed for the first time in years. _I have to save you, Kira, my brother. And I'm going to put an end to the Sierans' corruption once and for all._

The brown seed shattered.

_I've had enough._


	35. Chapter 35

When I originally wrote this chapter, it was a sarcastic play on Glenn Beck's rally of the same name which happened the day after this chapter was posted. It was something that I had to do. It's also pretty ironic considering what transpires in the chapter.

Enjoy it. It's an earth-shaker.

**

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Five: Restoring Honor**

_Since a politician never believes what he says, he is quite surprised to be taken at his word. _  
-Charles De Gaulle

Murrue Ramius shook her head sadly. "I should have seen this coming, Athrun. The Sierans have always been more ruthless than the Athhas, personal feelings have never meant that much to them."

"I can't believe that Unato Sieran was the one to do this, though. Yuna I can handle, hell, in a strange way I _wanted_ him to be responsible. But I thought Unato was a better man than this," Athrun replied.

Murrue folded her arms. It made her stomach, starting to bulge with her baby, more noticeable. "He was manipulated by this 'Lord Djibril' person. Djibril used Orb's pacifist philosophy against itself and used it to manipulate Unato Sieran into giving up his nephew. Well, his _adoptive_ nephew."

"I doubt he's shedding tears over it," Athrun replied.

"I don't think he's sleeping well over it either, conversely," Murrue said. "He sounded reluctant to turn Kira over."

"But he did it anyway."

Murrue nodded. "True."

She sighed and sat down. "I know we don't have many options with sending a rescue force to track Kira down. If you need me to do it, I can make arrangements to transfer my baby to an artificial womb."

"You said you wanted to conceive the baby naturally," Athrun said. "So does Andrew."

Murrue smiled. "I'd gladly sacrifice the _joys_ of childbirth in order to save Kira. Plus, it's not like my clock's ticking yet. Andrew and I can try again."

Murrue's dual attempt at humor and reassurance lifted Athrun's spirits slightly. Something still seemed _off_ to him, though. It was a thought away, in the back of his mind, but he couldn't quite recall his concerns.

Athrun looked at the recording drive in his hand, and then looked at Murrue. "Do you think this is enough to arrest Unato Sieran?"

"It will cause him a serious headache. But if you do that, Yuna Sieran will be left in charge," Murrue said.

Athrun slapped his forehead. "Forgot about that. Yuna will go on a power trip within hours."

"Be kind to him. He'd make it at least a day."

This time, Murrue's attempt at humor failed. Athrun just shook his head. "Yuna is not cut out for this. He'll make foolish decisions. Hell, I almost think he'd be stupid enough to run out into the open in a Mobile Suit fight and get crushed by one."

Murrue smiled. "I said be kind."

"I'm serious. Now we're in a box. Unato Sieran's done a serious wrong, but the alternative is actually even worse. Why can't Cagalli be old enough to take power yet?"

Murrue's amusement faded. "If Unato and Yuna were to die or otherwise be predisposed, Cagalli would inherit power, regardless of her age."

Athrun sighed. "I'd imagine Cagalli would be tempted to . . ."

He stopped.

Now he realized what he was worried about.

Murrue hadn't caught on yet. "Athrun, what's wrong?"

Athrun's eyes widened as he realized what Cagalli was going to do.

_Oh no._

Athrun turned to Murrue. "I think Cagalli is about to kill Unato _and_ Yuna."

Murrue gaped. "I can't believe she'd do that."

"She was on the verge of tears when I last saw her. She said she wanted to be left alone, but I know Cagalli. She isn't crying in her room. She's angry. _Furious_."

Murrue looked convinced now. "Athrun, you have to stop her. Cagalli is not ready for power and she can't have the murder of her only remaining family on her conscience. Who knows what this will do to her."

Athrun nodded. "Send a warning to Unato's office, _now_."

Murrue looked shocked. "If I do that-"

"Don't say it's Cagalli, say we have a highly trusted source saying there is an assassin inside the Orb government. We need to put the Sierans in full lockdown," Athrun said.

He was about to run out the door when Murrue turned on the vidcom and speed-dialed it. Athrun looked back, to see if there would be a successful connection, but there was only static.

Murrue's face was slack-jawed, fatalistic. "Somebody's jamming the communications. It's serious, it'll take hours to fix."

_Cagalli's already executing her plan._

He couldn't believe he was trying to stop Cagalli, the girl he loved. But he had to. Cagalli was making a serious mistake and it would tarnish her and her ideals forever. There was a time for justice, but not like this. Not by killing the rest of her family. Even Yuna did not deserve to die like this.

"I'm going to try to stop Cagalli myself. You try to reach somebody. _Anybody_. Get the message to the Unato Sieran any way you can," Athrun said, and he shut the door behind him. He took off at a dead run, charging through the hallways of Morgenroete and heading outside to get in his car for the short ride to the government palace.

_Cagalli, you can't do this. I can't let you do this. This isn't you. You can't kill people like this. Please stop before it's too late. Please stop._

_I don't want to stop you personally.

* * *

_

Andrew Waltfield smiled at Dearka Elsman's news. "That's great. FAITH membership will get you a lot of clout in ZAFT."

"I know," Dearka said. "That's exactly what we need, right?"

Andrew nodded. "Right. The Chairman himself has to appoint you personally. That's how specialized FAITH is. You can use the opportunity to try to get information from him, try to figure out what he's thinking."

Dearka gave him a lopsided smile. "Right, try to outsmart a _doctor_."

"You have a point."

They had to make this really fast, before anyone they didn't want listening, which was _everyone else_, started to eavesdrop. The captain had loosened the chain around Waltfield's neck somewhat, but she was still keeping tabs on him, and that meant that eventually she'd realize he'd been missing for a while.

When she found Waltfield again, it better not be when he was speaking to Dearka.

Dearka had worked hard to re-intergrate himself back into ZAFT following the end of his relationship with Miriallia, which had been his one tie with Orb. His betrayal, unlike Waltfield's, was for some reason considered not as serious, perhaps because Dearka was just a pilot and Waltfield was a senior officer. Though Dearka's reasons for disillusionment and subsequent actions were more easily explainable, too.

After all, unlike Waltfield, Dearka's commanding officer happened to be an insane, manipulative psychopath out to kill everyone.

Deciding to fight against Rau Le Creuset was more forgivable than fighting ZAFT itself.

Somehow, he had made that argument work, and here he was.

And that's why he couldn't be caught speaking with Waltfield.

He needed a go-between. Someone who wouldn't be suspected just by talking to Waltfield. That way Waltfield and Dearka could communicate more readily.

He needed to look at his candidates and whittle them down when he could. When the possibility of enemy attack wasn't so severe.

Waltfield scratched against the back of his head. "Anyway, try to find out what you can from Durandal. Even an educated guess is better than nothing."

"I don't know what would make him rush to war, and manipulate events so war would be guaranteed," Dearka said. "I don't even know the questions to ask him, or even if I can ask questions."

"I think being a member of FAITH entitles you to open questioning," Waltfield said, without a hint of humor in his voice.

Dearka nodded. "I guess."

Waltfield checked his watch and sighed. "All right, I need to leave. Try to find that go-between you were talking about."

"I think I might have someone, sir. He or she will let you know."

Waltfield nodded. "Understood. Just give him or her the 'all-clear' password we talked about so I know your go-between can be trusted."

"I will, sir."

Waltfield grinned. "You're going to be a member of FAITH. I'm going to be calling _you_ 'sir' soon."

Dearka never really thought about Waltfield saluting _him_ instead of the other way around. It was dizzying to consider.

Waltfield nodded. "Good luck, Elsman."

He just casually walked away like he hadn't been speaking with a conspirator at all.

_Right, now to find my go-between,_ Dearka thought.

Shiho Hassenfuss was probably the most trustworthy, though Shinn Asuka, rumors had it, wasn't happy with the ZAFT either. He'd probably work on both of them and see what he got. Shiho might join up in Yzak's memory, and Shinn, well, if it weren't for him being lucky under many circumstances, would just be a Slant in a cannon fodder Zaku. Slants never got the opportunities that Shinn was getting right now.

Either one would be a good choice.

He wouldn't know unless he tried, though.

And try he would. That way, if something went wrong . . .

There would be somebody to finish the job he started.

* * *

Athrun didn't stop for anything as he tore through the palace at top speed, hoping he wasn't too late. There would come a point where he could not stop Cagalli, and that was if she was confronting Unato and Yuna already. In the end, even he admitted, he would not be able to raise a hand to stop her from killing Unato and Yuna. That would mean losing Cagalli, and her love, forever.

But at the same time, what Cagalli was doing was wrong. But how could Athrun put a stop to it?

Without hurting Cagalli? Without leaving Orb in worse shape than ever?

How could he pull it off?

But first, he needed to make sure the worst had not come to pass. He charged through the hallways, looking everywhere for a sign of Unato, Yuna, or Cagalli. But he could find no one, and the people he did find were of little help.

_Damn it, don't tell me I'm already too late._

Suddenly, he came up upon Unato Sieran's private office, and saw the door was closed. And he could hear voices in the room beyond the door. One of them sounded female and familiar.

Athrun braced himself for the worst.

He slowly, cautiously, opened the door, and immediately found a Taser pointed in his directin. "Cagalli! It's me!"

Cagalli wasn't even facing him. "Athrun, take one step closer and I _will_ hit you with this. You won't stop me."

"Cagalli-"

"And shut up."

Athrun noticed Cagalli's hands were gloved. That meant she not only _was_ ready to kill, but she had strategized enough to remove fingerprint evidence of what she was going to do. And she had brought a Taser with her so she could disable someone she did not want to kill, like Athrun.

Yuna began pleading then. "Athrun! I take back all of the things I've said! Just stop-"

Cagalli's gun changed positions from Unato to Yuna, and Yuna held up his hands. "P-Please don't kill me!"

"Don't beg for your life," Cagalli said coldly.

"Y-Yes, Cagalli."

Cagalli, again without looking at Athrun, motioned him to the left with her Taser in her left hand. "Close the door behind you. Slowly. I know where you are, Athrun. The moment you do something I don't like it's over."

She turned her attention to the Sierans. "And if either of _you_ as much as a centimeter I _will_ shoot. You don't think I know where the silent alarm buttons are?"

The Sierans didn't say anything, and Athrun reluctantly obeyed Cagalli's instructions. He watched Cagalli's left hand. She _did_ know where he was, like she had developed extraordinarily storng awareness of her surroundings. Awareness that only Coordinators were capable of . . .

But Cagalli was no Coordinator. That meant . . .

_Oh great. Cagalli saw the SEED too._

Cagalli was the only Natural known to ever enter SEED mode. No one knew why she had been able to do it, not even her. But she had been pushed to her breaking point in that battle, and Athrun guessed the same had happened here. And now, she was grimly focused on her task, like anyone who entered SEED mode.

Athrun shut the door and inched across the wall to the left, until Cagalli said "Stop."

He was still well within Taser range, and Athrun, now that he knew what Cagalli was currently capable of, likely would not be able to interfere. His only hope now were reinforcements. But with the communications to the Sierans jammed, it could be a long time before that happened.

Cagalli spoke again. "All right, Uncle. You just admitted your guilt to me. Now, try to explain _why_ again."

Unato swallowed. He was a bit farther away from Cagalli than Yuna was, right in front of his desk. His hands were raised, just like Yuna's. And he was sweating bullets despite the concentration on his face.

"Cagalli, I'm only trying to help my country. _Our_ country. We sold the Destroy to the Earth Alliance for precisely that reason. Nobody in Orb wants to fight this war. But the Earth Alliance we're dealing with is more ruthless, and more under the thumb of Blue Cosmos, than the Earth Alliance of the last war. That was a miscalculation on all of our parts."

"Who did you speak to?" Cagalli asked.

"It was a man named Lord Djibril. He's a higher-up, if not _the_ higher-up of Blue Cosmos. I don't know why he's so interested in a Coordinator, but . . . he wanted your brother, even though your brother isn't exactly combat-capable right now."

"Don't play dumb with me, Uncle. You know as well as I do that this 'Djibril' will just break Kira until Kira's nothing but a mindless puppet flying that _monster_ we built."

Unato swallowed again. "Yes."

"And you handed Kira to him anyway."

Unato's mouth quivered. "Yes."

"You handed my brother, and your nephew, over to a man who will be manipulating Kira's abilities, and taking advantage of his mental state, to make him a genocidal monster."

Unato's palms were starting to shake. "Yes."

There was just silence for a second. Even Yuna, who was shaking violently, like a boiling egg about to split open, didn't dare to speak.

Unato began talking again. "I did not want to become known as the man who took Orb into an all-out war. Our conscripts would be demoralized before they'd ever see a battlefield, and no amount of motivation will make them remotely willing to fight. The anti-war culture of our society is so _ingrained_ in everyone that if I did introduce conscription there would be riots, assassination attempts, and possibly even governmental paralysis. Most everyone will never consider fighting unless it was in the explicit defense of our country."

Unato sighed, and he looked towards the ground. "I just want to keep the government running the way it should. I thought that your brother was a small price to pay. But that's not just it."

"What?" Cagalli asked.

"The Destroy is a weapon conceptualized to be something so terrible that it will end war, once and for all. If Kira, this 'Ultimate Coordinator', were to fly it . . . the war could be over in a matter of weeks. The ZAFT would be defeated, and then there would be no more rivalry, and no more war. Giving up your brother may have shortened this war by months, even years. Certainly, the ZAFT will be taking heavy casualities, but Orb will be safe, and so will the Earth. I think, again, your brother is a small price to pay by this logic."

For the first time, Cagalli's right hand, holding the silenced pistol, trembled slightly. And then Cagalli spoke.

"Realpolitik, huh?" she finally said.

"Yes. Now you see," Unato said.

"I can compromise my ideals. But I will never descend into realpolitik. Realpolitik is merely the desire to stay in power and nothing more. All calculation, no emotion, no personal feelings, no remorse."

She took a deep breath. "There is no honor, no love, no _nothing_ inside you."

Unato's eyes widened slightly. "Cagalli, wait-"

There as a loud _pop_. Bloodspray erupted from Unato Sieran's head for a brief instant, and his body slumped forward on his stomach, dead before he hit the floor.

No one moved. It was like everyone, and everything, had frozen in time except for Unato Sieran's collapsing body. It was only when Unato laid motionless that everyone else sprung to life.

Yuna turned towards his dead father, screaming, almost like a child, "Daddy, _no_!"

Before he could make as much of a step, Cagalli was already there, and she put her pistol underneath Yuna's chin. Athrun tried to move, but the Taser was aimed at him again in just a couple of steps, and he had to freeze.

Yuna was wailing in pain. "Ow, Cagalli! It burns! Stop it!"

It took Athrun a second to realize Cagalli wasn't doing anything but pressing a really hot suppressor to Yuna's chin. It had just fired a shot. It _would_ be painful to touch.

"Shut up," Cagalli said. Her voice had a dark, hollow sound to it now.

Yuna was frightened enough to silence himself other than a few whimpers.

Cagalli spoke. "Tell me everything you know. I know Uncle would never do anything without letting you know. He always had high hopes for you, as misplaced as they are."

Yuna whimpered a couple more times, and then his words came out in a torrent of fear and panic. "L-Look, all Daddy was able to figure out about Djibril is that he's not just . . . not just a-a d-d-demo . . . a demo . . ."

"A demagogue?" Cagalli finished.

"Y-Yeah, that's it. He's this freaky powerful businessman t-too. He h-has tentacles in everything from w-w-wine and pizza to military contractors and automobiles. H-He makes zillions of profits from war. Fourteen of the top t-twenty c-c-companies in the Alliance has him holding a majority stake personally or by proxy."

"Which fourteen?"

"I-I-I-I don't know! P-Put your gun away so I can think!"

"You really think I'm stupid enough to do that?"

Yuna whimpered. "I-I-I think all of the defense and machinery companies are under him. There's a power company he has control of too. I-I-I can't remember anything else!"

Cagalli sighed. "I guess you really can't."

Yuna was close to blubbering now. "L-L-Look, please don't kill me! I'm sorry! I'll do whatever you say! Just don't kill me!"

"I told you not to beg for your life."

Yuna's eyes widened to the point where they nearly ejected from their sockets. "Oh _shit_-"

Another loud pop, and Yuna collapsed to the ground, falling backwards. Blood sprayed into the air, much of it landing on Cagalli and her clothes.

Athrun just stared at the sight, as Cagalli put the Taser down, and calmly switched on the safety of her pistol. She bent down and put the pistol in Yuna's right hand, and making sure her dead cousin got fingerprints all over the gun, including the trigger.

He finally spoke. "Cagalli, do you know what you've done?"

Cagalli's voice was still hollow, but the dark tone was gone, replaced by some distant, subtle sadness. "I killed my uncle and my cousin, Athrun."

"Why? They didn't need to die."

"They didn't deserve to live, Athrun. My brother's in the hands of immoral monsters thanks to them, and thanks to me, my brother's going to be forced to fly . . . something that should never have been built."

She stood up. "The way the story will go is that Yuna went crazy and shot Unato before shooting himself when I tried to stop him. It's not the most realistic story but the Orb elite will _want_ to believe it because they didn't want Yuna anywhere near power. They will _want_ to believe Yuna went crazy and so they won't push the story."

Her hands were trembling, and a shaken, cracking sound in her voice told Athrun everything he needed to know about how Cagalli truly felt.

Cagalli took a quivering, deep breath, and exhaled. "T-Take my radio, and call Murrue. Tell her the presidental office needs to be cleaned. Y-You will find that . . . that the communications are no longer jammed. I . . . I just switched it . . . I switched it off."

She sniffed. "Do it . . . do it now, A-Athrun."

Athrun walked over. "Cagalli, it's okay."

"N-No, it's not. It'll never be okay. It'll never be okay."

She fell to her knees and began sobbing violently into her hands. Athrun bent down and put his hands on her shoulders, and she wrapped her arms around him and buried her head in her chest as she wailed.

"Kira!" Cagalli cried. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry!"

_I didn't make it in time. Now Cagalli has to live with this,_ Athrun thought. He wished he could have stopped this. There could have been a better way. Should have been a better way.

"Athrun!" Cagalli sobbed, and she looked into his eyes, tears pouring from her own. "Don't let me fall. Don't let me become like _them_. I'm all Orb has left. Don't let me fall."

"I won't," Athrun said softly.

Cagalli just began crying again, and Athrun let her rest on her shoulder.

The call could wait for a few more minutes.


	36. Chapter 36

**Chapter Thirty-Six: To Converge**

_I do not know what I may appear to the world; but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me. _  
-Isaac Newton

"I've never seen the Earth's surface before."

"Really, Heine?" Lunamaria Hawke asked.

Heine grinned. "Yeah. I only served in space up until now. Never set foot on this planet until I got assigned here."

"Wow," Luna replied breathlessly.

_She is so obviously crushing on him,_ Shinn thought in mild annoyance.

They were on the observation deck. It was meant to be used more as an access point for crews to work on the ship while in zero gravity, but in a pinch, despite the limited space, it could be used for relaxation. The captain had decreed it time for the entire crew to take a break after nearly three weeks of constant fear and flight.

It had been about a week now since the escape from Madagascar. About three-quarters of the forces meant to escape actually got out. They could already almost be at the Suez, but many of the ships were damaged and could not go full speed. The Earth Alliance was in hot pursuit, after wasting multiple days finishing the remaining resistance on Madagascar. It was common knowledge that the Earth Alliance would be upon the rearguard in roughly two days, long before the ZAFT could reach the Suez.

The coast of Somalia was barely visible in the distant. Somalia was still held by the ZAFT, but what troops that were there were inconsequential and ill-prepared to service the ships. It had been decided it would be better to pretend that the tiny camps and bases did not exist, so the Earth Alliance would bypass them while chasing their desired target, the convoy.

After all, if the convoy went down, the only ZAFT resistance left would be in South America. Not good for the war effort.  
Shinn felt a tug on his shoulder. He turned and saw Meyrin, grinning brightly. "Enjoying the view, Shinn?"

"Yeah," Shinn said.

"I've never been on Earth before. Hadn't really had a chance to enjoy this place until now. Everything is just so _random_ here. I heard a hurricane made a mess out of a battle near Cuba," Meyrin said.

Shinn shook his head. "The last thing I want is a hurricane, or typhoon, or whatever they're called."

"They don't usually come out this way," Meyrin said. "I think."

_'I think' doesn't exactly bring reassurance,_ Shinn thought.

Meyrin sighed wistfully as she looked down at the water. "Everything in the PLANTs are so regulated, even the weather. You're told when there's going to be rain, and it rains exactly when it is supposed to. That doesn't happen here. It's completely out of control. I think it's cool."

"Doesn't really rain out here," Shinn said. "We're right next to a desert."

Meyrin frowned. "Come on, stop making fun of me."

"I'm not!"

"You know what I mean."

Shinn sighed. He knew what Meyrin meant. To someone like her, even the weather was fascinating simply because it was different from the PLANTs. But Shinn had lived on Earth for most of his life. Earth just wasn't as interesting to him.

Earth was just filled with people who wanted to kill him. That wasn't interesting, it was _frightening_.

"Shinn!" yelled a male voice behind him. Shinn turned around, and was surprised to see Dearka Elsman approaching.

"Dearka? What's going on?" Shinn asked.

"I need to talk to you for a second," Dearka said.

"Can I come with?" Meyrin asked.

Dearka shook his head. "No, it's private."

_Okay, what the hell is going on?_ Shinn thought.

Meyrin frowned. "Look, whatever it is you want to say to Shinn you can say in front of me."

"This is _private business_, Meyrin," Dearka said with finality. "Please."

Meyrin scoffed and stared down at the water again. "Fine, go on."

"I'll be back soon," Shinn said.

Meyrin sighed. "Yeah."

Shinn followed Dearka off the deck and into the ship itself, and Dearka opened a nearby door to a small room. Shiho was there too, but nobody else was. Not Heine, not Rey, not Lunamaria, or any of the other Mobile Suit pilots on board.

"Uh, Dearka?" Shinn asked. "What's going on?"

Shiho grinned in a sarcastic manner. "Dearka's going to ask you to betray the ZAFT."

"Say _what_?"

"Shiho!" Dearka yelled.

"What?" Shiho asked as she shrugged her shoulders. She scoffed after a moment of silence. "Just trying to have some fun."

Dearka rubbed his forehead. "Right, right."

_What the heck are these two trying to drag me into?_

Dearka paced back and forth, and finally sighed. "Shinn, have you noticed anything _suspicious_ about the way the war restarted?"

Shinn immediately thought of Stellar, and the way they had been separated. It had seemed the whole world had conspired to split them apart. But it wasn't just that. The way everything just fell apart so quickly . . .

He wasn't sure whether to say his suspicions. Maybe this was some type of a loyalty test. Maybe he was going to be reported in for what he had said. He was still surprised nobody hadn't turned him in for his plans on defecting to the Earth Alliance.

"Everything seemed to collapse fast, yeah," Shinn finally, reluctantly, admitted.

"And don't you think that this war didn't have to happen?" Dearka asked.

"Of course it didn't. Why are you asking me this?"

"I'm asking you, Shinn, about how you feel about fighting this war. Don't you want to find out _why_ we're at war? _Why_ we suddenly have to fight the Earth Alliance when a deal could've easily been made to avoid war? I think you want to know."

Shinn did not answer for a second. He knew what Dearka was doing. And Dearka's comments sounded pretty close to the mark. The way the war was being run _was_ suspicious. But Dearka was also hinting at treason. Granted, it was something that Shinn had been considering not too long ago, so who was he to question Dearka?

"When you put it that way, who wouldn't want to know?" Shinn replied.

Shiho was the one who spoke next, not Dearka. "Shinn, you're not being investigated and this isn't trying to bait you. Both Dearka and I have legitimate concerns about the way this war is being conducted, and we want to stop it."

"It's one thing to fight a war for the safety of your country. It's another to fight a war for a private, personal agenda, and that's what Shiho and I believe Chairman Durandal is doing. We, and Andrew Waltfield, for that matter, believe that Durandal has his own agenda, and it is not to defend ZAFT. What that agenda is, though, we don't know," Dearka said.

"Dearka has my help, particularly when it comes to trying to communicate with Waltfield. He needs go-betweens because he can't talk with Waltfield too much without raising suspicion," Shiho said. "I can do some of it, but we need someone else to act as a go-between. Dearka thinks that you would be a good choice."

Shinn sighed. He wasn't so sure that joining up for this was such a good idea, but his curiosity was killing him now. He turned them down, the questions would be bugging him for weeks, months, years. Now he wanted to know.

"Fine, I'll do it," Shinn said.

Dearka nodded. "You agreed quicker than I thought."

"You made me curious," Shinn said, grinning. "I want to find out what's going on."

"And so do I," said a new voice.

Everyone spun to look at the entrance to the door, and there was Meyrin Hawke, clearly visible. She calmly shut the door behind her. "Next time, leave a lookout."

Shiho sputtered for a few seconds before she could form coherent words. "H-How much have you listened to?"

Meyrin folded her arms. "All of it. Basically I followed Shinn and Dearka here from the moment they left the observation deck. Neither of them noticed they were being followed."

Shinn felt his face turning red. Dearka, for his part, just nervously fidgeted with his collar.

Shiho buried her face in her hands. "I'm surrounded by idiots."

Nobody argued the comment. Meyrin spoke up. "If Shinn wants to go and help you guys investigate the Chairman, I want to help. I trust Shinn's judgment."

Now Shinn's face was red from the flattery instead of embarrassment. It _was_ nice for Meyrin to trust him, but Shinn knew he wasn't the best decision-maker in the ZAFT either.

Dearka recovered his voice. "Fine, you're in too. Actually, people would find you the least suspicious of all."

Meyrin smiled. "Plus, I'm always the person who has to hand out coffee to the bridge, where Waltfield likes to be when there's no battle. You know how Waltfield loves his coffee."

Dearka nodded thoughtfully. "That actually works out quite nicely. Let's see if there's a way to use that."

Meyrin nodded. "I'm sure there is."

Dearka smiled. "Speaking of communication, I need to give the both of you the password to let our demoted colonel know you're both in."

"What is it?" Shinn asked.

Dearka told them. The password's identity just left Meyrin and Shinn shaking their heads.

* * *

The office had been cleaned immediately. Eight days after Cagalli had killed both her uncle and cousin, they both had been given their state funerals and buried in the ground. Cagalli had seemed to have turned off all of her emotions. It was like she couldn't bear to feel anything, lest she feel more pain.

Seeing Cagalli like this was honestly depressing. Athrun knew that should have been a better way to stop Unato and Yuna Sieran. But now they were both dead, and Cagalli had to live the rest of her life knowing she was their killer.

Athrun had a vision of an old, dying Cagalli confessing on her deathbed that she had killed them both, long after anyone had stopped caring. He shook it off and approached Cagalli, who was looking at some kind of report on a vidscreen. Noticing him, Cagalli shut it down and folded the screen. "Athrun."

Athrun tried to smile, he wasn't sure how convincing it was. "Ready for your coronation tomorrow, _Queen_ Cagalli?"

Cagalli's nod was so slight Athrun barely noticed it. "I'm not looking forward to wearing a dress."

"What were you looking at?" Athrun asked.

Cagalli closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and spoke. "I think I found out where the Destroy will be used."

And by the _Destroy_ she meant _Kira_.

"Where?" Athrun asked.

"There's a ZAFT convoy on the run on the eastern coast of Africa. They're heading up the Suez, probably trying to break through the canal. I'm sure Chairman Durandal is working on the Israelis to give the ZAFT safe port."

Athrun tried to remember where the Suez was, and finally did. It made a good ambush point. The countries surrounding the Suez were all allied with the Earth Alliance, and by deploying a powerful unit at the exit of the Suez, the ZAFT could be stopped, surrounded, and thoroughly destroyed.

"How are we going to do this?"

Cagalli re-opened her eyes finally. Despite her attempt to remain emotionless, the pain in her eyes was obvious. "I told Kisaka to head for home. I really pissed off the EA by doing that but I'm using the excuse of preparing an expeditionary force to finish off the ZAFT on Earth, which is what everybody wants anyway." "So _Kisaka_ is leading the Orb expeditionary force," Athrun said.

"Yes, and the force will consist of our volunteer soldiers, not conscripts," Cagalli said. "Hopefully that will buy us more time. But Kisaka's objective isn't solely to assist the EA. His job is also to recover Kira."

Athrun bit his lip. "So the 'expeditionary force' thing is just a front."

Cagalli folded her hands. "Yes. The Earth Alliance betrayed me on a personal level, as well as a professional one. Orb is no longer on their side, though we will pretend to be such for a while longer."

"How does the council feel about this?" Athrun asked.

"The council doesn't know my true plan. They only know the surface of it, involving Kisaka coming down to lead the ground forces. You're the first person who I've told my real plan to."

Athrun shook his head. "Duping the council will bite you in the end."

"I honestly don't care as long as I can get my brother back," Cagalli said. "That's all that matters to me right now, saving my brother and stopping this war. What happens to me after that I'll face when I get there."

Cagalli stared at her hands then. "Athrun, I've been having a dream the last few days."

_Oh no._ What?

"I'm this . . . person. Fair, but terrible. Moral, but cruel. There is peace, but there is also blood all over me. I'm this benevolent dictator, in control of everything. There is no war, no hatred. But there is nothing inside of me. I look at everything in this detached, soulless way, making my decisions swiftly and logically. Even when I should feel pain, or sadness, or joy, or hatred, nothing shows. I'm just . . . eternally calm towards everyone, and perpetually ruthless towards my enemies."

Cagalli's hands shook, and she brought them close to myself. "I've become nothing but a shell, a robot, a monster. I am beloved but I do not love them in return. They have peaceful, joyful lives merely because it is the logical thing to give people so there is no strife. I only eat because I must stay alive to ensure their happy lives, I only keep myself presentable because that's what the people expect their rulers to do. I do not care about myself at all, or of anyone, for that matter. It's not like I would want to kill myself, but I don't care if I live or die. All I do is exist."

"Cagalli," Athrun said. "Stop doing this to yourself. You keep obsessing over it you _will_ become the person you see in your dream. Let it go."

"It's not that easy. I see all of these happy people. Isn't it worth it to everyone in the world if I was a perfect benevolent dictator? Even if it results in there being nothing inside me?" Cagalli asked.

"No!" Athrun yelled. He caught himself before he went on an angry tirade. "Cagalli, don't you _dare_ see yourself this way. A benevolent dictator is an oxymoron. It's not possible. It's been a ideal that has never been realized."

"Athrun, I-"

"You love your brother, don't you?"

"Of course I do. I want him back."

"If you were this 'perfect benevolent dictator', wouldn't it be the logical thing to force Kira to fight in that machine, so he can kill the other side and end the war?"

Cagalli hesitated. "Yes . . ."

"This is proof that you can't be a benevolent dictator. You are too _human_ for that. All of us are. Every single person on this planet is just too _human_ to make a benevolent dictator exist." Athrun rubbed his eyes. "Also, I can't love an empty shell, Cagalli."

Cagalli stood up. "Athrun . . . you're right."

She embraced him, and she began crying again. But this time, instead of loud, frantic sobbing, she was quiet, her tears gently robbing down her cheeks.

"Athrun," she whispered, "I'm sorry."

"It's all right," Athrun said. "I won't leave you. Remember, we're engaged."

Cagalli chuckled sadly. "I wonder when it'll be right to announce you being my groom."

"Probably never," Athrun said.

Cagalli just laughed sadly again as she trembled in Athrun's arms. "That sounds about right."

* * *

The world had been a daze for an amount of time he could not tell. He felt like a zombie, or, more accurately, a ghost, fading in and out of the world.

_Am I dead? Did they kill me?_

He had no idea of what had happened to him. His last coherent memory was the doors of the shuttle craft closing, and one last glimpse of Lacus Clyne, tear-stricken and helpless, just staring at him. He had focused on that image this entire time, to keep himself from going insane.

_Lacus . . . I wonder how you're doing?_

He had been in this loop for this entire time. He had no idea of being alive or dead, he had no coherent images. And whenever he tried to have a coherent thought, he could only think of Lacus.

Lacus in total despair and hopelessness, sobbing over the lives she had taken, and the worthlessness her efforts had been.

It would always break his heart, and then he'd be lost to the endless mist again, unable to think or comprehend.

Sometimes he'd see a light. Sometimes he'd hear voices. Whenever he tried to focus, he saw Lacus crying as he was taken away.

It was like this, in a endless loop. It could not stop.

But then, as if by magic, it did.

He heard a lone voice, speaking to him unintelligibly. He tried to open his eyes, but the brightness was too much, it was bringing tears to his eyes. He could barely even squint. He wondered if he was dead.

No, he was breathing. He could feel himself breathe. He was alive.

He also remembered his name.

_Kira Yamato._

As his thoughts began to become more coherent, he wondered how he had been able to remember Lacus' face and name, but not his own. He wondered if it was his love for Lacus, or something more. Something else entirely.

The voice spoke again. "Kira."

It sounded feminine, and familiar. Was it Lacus? Or perhaps Cagalli or Murrue? Had he been rescued? He tried to sit up, only to feel someone's arms holding him.

"Kira, it's all right. Take it slow."

The voice _was_ familiar. But it was not Lacus. It was not Cagalli. It wasn't anyone he knew.

He tried to open his eyes again, and he saw a brief glimpse of red hair. He wondered who it was. He _knew_ that the person had been around him in the past. But it wasn't anyone he knew now.

"Take it slow. I'm here now. They won't do this to you again," the voice said.

He _knew_ the voice. He had heard it so many times. Yelling at him, seducing him, screaming at him, _for_ him, crying and laughing and wailing . . .

_It can't be . . ._

He opened his eyes again, and he blinked away the foggy blurs. He saw a young woman's arms, in the white uniform of an Earth Alliance officer, wrapped around him. He got a good view of her right hand, it looked to have a slash mark on the back.

He saw the teasing strands of red hair again, from his right. He turned ever so slowly, unable to believe who the person was. But he did.

And he saw.

He saw the long strands of red hair he had touched so much, when undoing her ponytail that night in the desert. He saw her girlish, moist lips, and then her elegant nose, and lastly, her sensitive, ruthless, soulful blue eyes. Her face bore a scar across her nose, but other than that it was the same face of a girl he knew.

He could not speak.

She could not be alive.

He had _seen_ her die.

But she was here. Holding him.

It was impossible.

Beyond impossible.

No one could bring the dead back to life.

Unless . . .

Was he willing to believe that she had somehow survived? This girl?

"It's . . . it's you," he managed to whisper. His voice sounded so hoarse and dehydrated he could barely recognize it.

She smiled ever so kindly. "Have I got a story for you, Kira. I've been looking for you for so long . . . those Blue Cosmos monsters had you locked up in cyro this whole time. But I pulled some strings. I got them to let you out. There was no way I was letting _them_ keep you away from me."

"How?" he asked.

She put a finger to her lips. "Ssh, Kira. Save your strength. I can tell you the story after you have some rest. Just know that I'm nearby . . . and I still love you."

She let go of him then, and he tried to get up but found he didn't have the strength. In fact, he had a massive headache and had to lie back down.

But his mind continued to work even as his body relaxed.

She could not be alive. And yet she was.

His lips moved, and his haggard voice managed a soft word.

"Flay."


	37. Chapter 37

qkiss: We will see soon enough about whether Athrun and Cagalli get a happy ending. Thank you for reading.

**

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Seven: Flay**

_If wishes would carry me over this land, I would ride with free bridle today, I would greet every tree with a grasp of my hand, I would drink of each river, and swim in each bay._  
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

He woke up to smell strawberries.

Kira turned to his right, and saw the familiar strands of red hair elegantly framing Flay Allster's face as she sat next to his bed. She _was_ real. She was right there, alive, breathing.

How?

Flay bent down a little to look at him. "Kira."

"F-Flay. How . . .?"

"In a second. Here." Flay took something off of a tray and handed it to him. It was a small glass bowl with strawberries and a plastic spoon. "They're fresh. My name still has some pull around here, I have to use it for _something_. Might as well get you something better than hospital food."

"Y-Yeah. Thanks," Kira said. He was surprised how hungry he felt. He could remember having such an appetite over the last three years, ever. He reached in with the spoon and devoured all of the strawberries in a couple of minutes.

He couldn't remember food tasting so wonderful.

He looked for a good place to set the empty bowl down, but Flay simply took it and set it back down on the tray. "You feel better now?"

"I . . . I uh, guess," Kira said. He looked at Flay, and she looked like she had all those years ago. A bit older, maybe, and she had the scar across her nose, and another, less noticeable, one down her right cheek. But it was unmistakably Flay.

"I'm glad," Flay said. She reached for his right hand and held it in both of her own. "I've been looking for you ever since the final battle. But I could never find you."

"I've . . . been keeping a low profile," Kira said.

Flay nodded. Her hands shook, and her lips quivered. As she spoke, her voice cracked with emotion. "I don't blame you for what happened. You tried so hard to protect me. That meant so much, after what I did to you, Kira."

"Are you talking about the shuttle?"

"Yeah." Flay closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and exhaled. "When the shuttle exploded, a hole opened up next to me and I was pulled out into space. Thankfully, I had a space suit on, but I'm sure you had no way of knowing that."

As he listened, Kira found himself on the verge of tears. "If . . . if I had known you were still out there, I would have tried to find you."

"You had no way of knowing. That was a massive explosion. Everybody else died but me," Flay said.

He knew Flay had used him. But like back then, he didn't care. He had heard Flay screaming for him multiple times during the final days of the war. Those were not the screams of someone merely using him. Those were the screams of someone who loved him and was begging for rescue.

Flay was not faking those pleas.

But, as he was thinking about fakes . . .

There was a fake Lacus. What if . . .

He wanted to believe. But could he? Who said that they couldn't make a fake Flay, like they had made a fake Lacus?

He had to make sure. He had to ask something Flay knew. Anyone could hijack into communications. What was something that only Flay knew?

His face heated as he realized what he could ask.

"Flay . . . do you remember that night?"

"Which night?" Flay asked.

"In the desert?"

"You mean when we had sex, Kira? Why?"

_She knows about it._ While Flay and Kira's relationship hadn't exactly been private, nobody knew how explicit it had been. Other than Sai Argyle, but he had kept it to himself other than breaking down and trying to hijack the Strike. He had been so embarrassed over his supposed girlfriend having sex with Kira that he never really discussed it with anyone.

"I have to make sure it's really you," Kira said. "There is a fake Lacus Clyne making broadcasts. I know this because I have lived with the _real_ Lacus all this time."

Flay's eyes shimmered slightly. "I see. There's been rumors that the Lacus who's been speaking has been a fake. I guess that confirms them."

"Where did you get the scars?" Kira asked. "There's no way you could have gotten them from the shuttle . . ."

"No. They came afterwards." Flay looked away. "I don't know if it's a good idea to tell you this, but you led the conversation in this direction. Kira, I have something to show you."

"What?"

Flay reached into her pocket and pulled out a picture. She sighed as she looked at it. "Kira . . . do you have any children?"

Kira was floored. "No, of course not! I'm not ready to have a child!"

"Oh," Flay said. "Never mind, then."

Kira reached out and grabbed Flay's arm. "Flay, what is it? Please, no games with me."

Tears brimmed in Flay's eyes. "Kira . . . look at this."

She handed him the picture, and Kira stared.

It was a little girl, with violet eyes and red hair. She couldn't be any older than two, maybe three. She was holding a teddy bear in her hands and smiling brightly, though not at the camera.

It took him a moment to realize that the girl's eyes looked familiar.

He dropped the picture.

"Impossible."

"Her name's Fiona," Flay said. "I wanted her to have the same first letter as my name, but the same last letter as yours."

He just stared at the picture, at the girl's bright violet eyes and her long, wavy red hair, who looked so small and fragile and adorable that Kira could not help but cry the moment he saw her.

"I have a daughter?" he asked.

"Yes," Flay said. "And I can finally tell her that she has a father."

He picked the picture up, and continued to stare at it even though his vision blurred. "When . . . when can I see her?"

"She's being flown over from London right now. You'll be able to see her tomorrow, Kira. She's very talented, though it's to be expected because she's a Coordinator."

Kira's eyes widened. "She's . . . a Coordinator?"

"Yes," Flay said. "You would expect her to be a Slant, but she's not. Somehow, Kira . . . our daughter is a Coordinator."

Suddenly, Flay's scars, and loathing for Blue Cosmos, made sense at last.

"You've been attacked," Kira said.

"I have," Flay said. "I'm high profile because of my name. Blue Cosmos knows that Fiona's abilities are beyond Slant capabilities. It doesn't take much to put two and two together. They've tried to kill her _and_ me. It's all been covert, behind the scenes, but it's happened."

She was starting to cry at the end. "I can't let them kill her. She's my child."

"No," Kira said. "She's _our_ child."

Flay looked at him. "Thank you, Kira."

She embraced him, and Kira was so lost in a whirlwind of emotions he forgot all about Blue Cosmos and Lacus and Cagalli and everyone and everything else.

_I have a little girl_.

That's all that mattered.

* * *

It was supposed to be a happy occasion. Cagalli was now the queen. She had made a triumphant speech, and Orb universally loved Cagalli, though partially that had to do with her being the daughter of Lord Izumi. It seemed a little weird to see Cagalli in royal garb, but she seemed to have taken it well. She was calm, in control, and persuasive.

Until she had broken down the moment they returned to the palace.

The Sierans' office, where she had killed Unato and Yuna, was now her own office. It was standard procedure, the ruler of Orb always occupied this office, and there was no way around it. Cagalli, upon realizing that all of her business would be conducted in the room where she had committed murder, broke down on the spot. Now Athrun was left sitting here with Murrue Ramus, and waiting for Cagalli to come back after she recovered.

It was silent for just a few moments. Then finally Murrue tried to break the ice. "She was good out there. For someone who's not a natural politician she did quite well."

"She's the leader now," Athrun said. "She has to present a strong front. If she were to die, the council's in charge of Orb. I can't imagine what it's like to have a legislative branch solely in charge of the country."

"There's still the judicial system," Murrue said.

"You know what I mean."

Murrue nodded. "We need to keep a close eye on Cagalli. It's going to hit some crooked member of the council, if it hasn't already, that Cagalli is the one person preventing the council from taking total control."

"You're saying Cagalli could be assassinated?" Athrun asked.

"I wouldn't discount it."

There was a long silence. Finally, Athrun spoke. "Cagalli's been breaking down consistently since she killed both Unato and Yuna. She won't admit it but what she did is destroying her from the inside, and I don't know what to say."

Murrue sighed. "Murder does that. Cagalli isn't just sad, or angry. She has a lot of guilt on her right now because she's gotten away with it. A small, but significant, part of her wants to be caught."

Athrun folded his hands. "I should've realized it earlier. That Cagalli was going to do it."

"We realized it too late, Athrun. The only ones to blame are ourselves." Murrue said.

"What can I say to her, though?" Athrun begged. "I'm tired of seeing her cry. It's not like her."

"You kill your family and tell me how you'd feel," Murrue said.

Athrun thought about first his mother, killed on Junius Seven, and then his father, killed inside Jachin Doe by one of his own men. He hadn't taken either death that well. Never mind he had no idea what he would've done if he actually encountered Patrick Zala alive inside the base. Would he really have shot his own father to prevent Genesis from firing again?

More likely, Cagalli would have done it so he wouldn't have to.

That was Cagalli, always refusing to give in.

You sold her brother out to the Earth Alliance, she would kill you just to get the authority to order a rescue.

But this time . . . Athrun knew a significant part of Cagalli was dying, and he couldn't figure out how to save it.

Athrun just shook his head. "I want to help her, Murrue."

"So do I. Believe it or not, I can't come up iwth a way to comfort her either. She told me this morning about these dreams she's been having and I had no idea what to say."

"She told you about them too?"

"So she told you first," Murrue said. "What did you say to her?"

"I told her she was being ridiculous, in short."

"I asked her if that's what she really wanted for herself. I asked if any of us were in that dream. We aren't. She pushed us all away."

_I never asked her about that._

Cagalli entered the office then. Both Athrun and Murrue turned to stare at her. Cagalli looked at the both of them, and sharply asked "What?"

She was out of her royal garb, and back in her business clothing. The crown and the clothing, neither of which were worn except in the coronation anyway, had to be back in storage.

"Are you okay?" Athrun asked.

"I'm done crying, Athrun."

_That's not answering my question._

Cagalli walked past both of them and placed her hands on the wooden desk, used by her father and uncle. "The ends have to justify the means, Athrun, Murrue. As impossible as it is to justify what I've done, I have to try. There can be no failure. This war must stop, and I want my brother back."

Cagalli turned to Athrun. "You _did_ remove the bugs from the room?"

"Yes, of course." The last thing Athrun wanted was someone listening in on Cagalli.

"Good." Cagalli turned and walked around the desk, and placed her hand on the leather chair that Lord Izumi had always sat in. "We are going to be discussing highly sensitive matters a lot. I don't need to be incriminated by my own methods."

Athrun nearly did a double take. "Are you _serious_, Cagalli?"

"I _am_ a criminal, Athrun. There's no arguing that point. Now, are we going to discuss how we're going to rescue Kira and stop this war or not?"

Athrun sighed. "Sure, go ahead."

"I'm accelerating production of the two prototypes in development, they don't have code-names yet but they are both considered potential successors to the Murasame model at some point. Athrun, I'm going to need you to fly one of them if this war drags on for much longer. For now, you're being assigned the Freedom, and in addition you're going to be commanding any Kira rescue force."

_So it's up to me._ Athrun knew it was a fitting operation. Who better than him to rescue his best friend?

"Admiral Kisaka is coming down to Erath tomorrow. His orders are to begin an expedition to head to the Suez. Athrun, _you_, however, will be part of a rapid-response force. I've made arrangements with Crete to allow Orb soldiers to be based there. That's where _you_ are going. My best estimate says that Kira is somewhere in the area, and the moment you have actionable intelligence, well . . ."

"I act upon it."

"That's right. And, if possible, eliminate the Destroy. It was a mistake of Orb to build that thing, and I want it _erased_."

"What should I do?" Murrue asked.

"You stay here with me," Cagalli said. 'I need help from someone wiser than me, to keep this country stable over the next couple of weeks."

Murrue nodded. "All right, I can do that."

"Thank you." Cagalli looked at the both of them. "We're the last true hope of this world. We have this count. No giving up, got it?"

Both Murrue and Athrun nodded.

"Good. Now let's start putting our plans into action."

* * *

She looked at herself in the mirror. _Is this me?_

She didn't know. But she knew the face she saw was just a peeling mask for the person she was now. She had given up her old identity by murdering others. As horrified as she was to see that she wasn't her old self, she had a feeling she hadn't been her old self for a long time.

Not for the last couple of years. She had changed dramatically, and now, she supposed, it was time to physically solidify her changes.

She took the scissors, and briefly fumbled with them. She couldn't believe she was doing this, and her heart pounded as the scissors got closer and closer.

_Snip_.

A small, yet long, strand of her locks fell to earth.

She placed both hands on the sink, trembling. _That's one. I just need to cut a lot more._

It was as if she couldn't bear to part with her old identity. But she knew that she had to. She wasn't her old self anymore. It was all gone, except for her hair. She had to complete her change.

_You can do this. Come on. Like long hair is going to help you with what you have to do. Long hair will just get in the way. You have to do this. You need to fight!_

Her trembling hands put the scissors into her hair again.

_Come on. This isn't hard. You're making it hard. You've watched people cut hair for years._

She took a deep breath.

_Snip_.

This time, she didn't put the scissors down.

_One fluid motion. Shorten all of it. Now._

She exhaled, and took another deep breath.

_I have to save the one I love. This is a very small price to pay for that._

Finally, she got the resolve she needed. It was pathetic, to need to psyche herself up for cutting her _hair_. How was she going to fare in truly serious situations if she could barely muster the courage to cut her hair?

She was going to need to work on that.

But for now, she needed to finish this, and prepare herself. There was no way she wasn't going to be involved in the rescue. She had to be there. There was no way she wasn't going to be there when it was time to save him.

_Him_.

She grabbed as much of her hair as possible, and curled it so it could all be taken out in one shot.

_I will save you._

She put the scissors against the curl.

_Snip_.

She let the disconnected strands fall in one massive clump, and she looked at herself. She _did_ look like a new person. Her hair wasn't so much different from . . . wait a minute.

_Great. I've just turned myself into Cagalli. Not what I was intending, but it'll do until I can refine it._

She took the pin in her hair, and removed it, letting the front of her hair be free. After some careful trimming of her bangs, she realized she _did_ look like Cagalli. It was so strange and random that she began to laugh.

_How hilarious is this? Cagalli's turned into me and I've turned into her. Except Cagalli hasn't learned how to sing._

What a crazy world.

She sighed as she put all of her discarded hair into a small plastic bag. It was done, now. She had thrown away the last vestiges of what she had been. Was it really a good thing?

Probably not. But it was the necessary thing.

The one she loved had been fighting and sacrificing for so long.

Now it was her turn.

_We'll be even soon enough, Kira. Just wait for me. I'm coming. No one will stop me._

Lacus Clyne put the bag into the trash, and walked out of her room. It was time she prepared herself for what she had to do.

_I will always fight for you, Kira._


	38. Chapter 38

AsuCaga4ever: Stay patient. This Flay may be real, or she may be fake. If you've paid attention to the story you've noticed I like to pull wool over everyone's eyes. I can't say anything else right now.

**

* * *

Chapter Thirty-Eight**

_Footsteps like water hollow  
the broad curses of stone  
ascending, descending  
century by century.  
Who can say if the last  
to climb these stairs  
will be journeying  
upward or downward?_  
-Denise Levertov, **Ancient Stairway**

The time had come for another confrontation between the Earth Alliance and the ZAFT. The ZAFT convoy was entering the Red Sea through a thin strait. The Earth Alliance could strike from both sea and land to encircle the ZAFT, and likely cause massive damage, if not outright destruction, of the convoy.

Stellar Loussier's goal wasn't that, though.

Sure, she would show she could follow orders. She'd attack every available target. But her main goal remained elusive, and he continued to hide in the shadows of the strongest ship in the convoy.

She had enough of that _traitor_ staying alive. The moment he came out, she was going to kill him.

_I loved you._

Stellar knew that Sting and Auel, the opportunists that they were, were trying to get into her good graces. But she wasn't going to date them. They were too much like siblings to her. And she couldn't think about boys, not until she made peace with the one who had betrayed her.

And the only way there would be peace was if he were to die.

She only had a half-hour of operational time once she entered the battle before she had to pull back. She had to find him fast. She could already see the desperate gunners on every ship taking potshots at the approaching Mobile Suits, and soon Zakus would be joining the battle to try to fight the Windams off.

There would be Daggers, too, and Skygraspers, but they were outdated models flown by poorly trained forces on land. They were going to get massacred, even with the numerical advantage. But they'd provide a distraction. That was better than nothing.

Neo spoke his orders calmly. _"Our mission is to break the convoy into two pieces. Once that is successful, we are to coordinate with the land forces on finishing the two 'pockets' off. If a GUNDAM appears, whether it is the 'Savior' or 'Impulse', our mission changes to destroying or capturing that machine. The GUNDAMs are the game-breakers in this battle, and that means we need to eliminate them if the Earth Alliance wants a permanent advantage."_

Feizhi Aloquin, who had finally been cleared to fly again, was piloting a Windam. She interjected. _"Remember the strategy should we encounter the Impulse. We need to force it to transform. If it is using long-range weaponry, force it to switch to short-range. And vice versa."_

_I'll remember that, all right. I just want the kill of the Core Splendor to be mine,_ Stellar thought. _You can destroy the rest of the pieces._

Flak exploded nearby, and Stellar ignored it. Flak was basically harassment and nothing more to the GUNDAMs. Windams had to take more care, but as long as they didn't take a direct hit they could weather random cannon fire.

_"Auel wants to know our strategy if we fight the Savior,_" Auel said.

Feizhi spoke again._ "The Savior's movements are amateuristic. The pilot is not using that machine's capabilities to its fullest extent. The Savior's being bailed out by its escort Zakus, who seem to be elite. If we can get the Savior by itself and overwhelm it, we should win. It's just a matter of taking down the escorting Zakus."_

It made enough sense for Stellar. And taking the Savior out would be a good military victory. But what she wanted was the sweet personal victory.

_Shinn, I'm taking you out before the Suez. There's no way I'm letting you reach any kind of safe haven. I'll die first._

Suddenly, enemy Zakus launched in great waves in front of the approaching Windams. Stellar grinned to herself. _You're just in the way._

_"Everyone, attack!"_ Neo shouted.

Stellar obeyed the order.

* * *

Feizhi Aloquin knew her orders. She was to hang back and keep everyone appraised of where the GUNDAM machines were. Wherever GUNDAMs went into battle, it wouldn't be long before the other side's machines would show up. It only made sense to pit the powerful against the powerful.

It was a shame to be on the outskirts of the battle, but Feizhi knew she wasn't completely ready. To be honest, she had fudged her rehabilitation score a bit. She was very good at showing no pain. Her determination to get back out here had been so much she had convinced the doctors she was already back at one-hundred percent.

She was at eighty percent, if she was lucky. Eighty percent, or even seventy percent, though, was more than a match for the hodgepodge forces the ZAFT had left. They had taken significant casualties while evacuating Madagascar, and every skirmish since then had whittled down their numbers. They were getting no reinforcements, while the Earth force chasing them grew each day.

A squadron of outdated Skygraspers sped past Feizhi. She shook her head. Those machines had been good in a world without Mobile Suits, but here, they were just cannon fodder.

And they were cannon fodder. Suddenly, the Impulse GUNDAM, with its large railguns, fired a brightly colored torrent that took out four machines just by itself. Adding to the carnage was a massive missile blitz that massacred the surviving machines.

Feizhi reacted immediately. She had wished it would've been Savior to show up first, Savior was the easiest target, but the Impulse would do. "Impulse has been sighted. Location-"

The Impulse began shooting at her. Feizhi immediately dove away. "Location is right on my tail!"

She shot at the escorting Zaku. It dodged her barrage, moving to the left.

_Maybe I should've stayed on the ship after all._

Too late for that now. The Impulse was still shooting at her. _C'mon, where's one of you damn Slants? Attack this guy and make him transform!_

"_Shinn Asuka!_" With the yell, the predictable charge of Stellar Loussier began and she swung at the Impulse, and the Impulse barely got out of the way.

_There. The Impulse can't stay the way it is for long. Now I just need to wait for a clear shot._

The battle raged on around her, and Feizhi saw a Zaku coming her way. Realizing she couldn't ignore it, Feizhi quickly aimed and fired, and her barrage struck the Zaku in the cockpit area many times over. The Zaku fell towards the ocean smoking, the pilot dead but the machine undamaged enough to not explode.

_Okay, with that distraction out of the way . . . _

It seemed the rest of the team was preoccupied. The Savior had entered the battle right now, and Sting and Auel's GUNDAMs were trying to deal with that machine. Neo, for his part, was taking on both of the Savior's escorts by himself, and holding his own.

_All right, where's the Impulse's escorts?_

She couldn't find them. They might've been held up by the battle around them. That was to Feizhi's advantage. As long as she hung around the edge of the battle, where the only forces coming from behind would be from the Earth Alliance, she was unlikely to be ambushed. And that meant she wouldn't be interfered with as she lined up her shot.

The Gaia continued to flail away at the Impulse, and Feizhi just waited. The Impulse couldn't transform right now, he would be too vulnerable. The pilot needed to get away long enough to do a mid-air transformation, and that was when Feizhi would take her shot.

The Impulse did as Feizhi had predicted. It desperately flew off after dodging a Gaia strike, though the Vajra did make contact with the rail cannon and shear a piece of it off.

Now the Impulse had no choice. It had to transform or die.

The Impulse backed away, and Feizhi saw it prepare to splinter apart. _Now's my chance._

Feizhi aimed, and waited as the Impulse dismantled itself, and the Core Splendor fighter jet revealed itself.

_Gotcha_.

Feizhi fired.

The shot was stopped. One of the pieces flying away from the Impulse took the blast and exploded. The Core Splendor was knocked away, but it was still flying, and now the pilot _knew_ he had been suckered.

_Damn it! I have to take him out now while he's still panicking!_

Feizhi accelerated her Windam and charged into the battle. She was not at one-hundred percent, and her reflexes were slightly off, she could tell. She needed to finish the job and get out of there before she was put in a bad position.

She fired at the Core Splendor. The fighter jet proved surprisingly maneuverable. It flew at top speed, banking to the left, obviously aiming to try to get around Feizhi. Unsurprisingly, the Core Splendor was shooting back, though missiles and machine-guns were just nuisances to the Windam.

_Keep buzzing around. I'll kill you soon enough._

_"Feizhi! He's mine!"_ Stellar roared, but before her Gaia showed up a Zaku showed up and blocked her. The pilot of the Zaku seemed to be skilled more than usual, which made Feizhi think it had to be the Impulse's escort.

"You deal with that Zaku, and then we can discuss it," Feizhi said curtly, and she pursued the Core Splendor, shooting away.

One shot grazed the wing, and knocked the Core Splendor for a whirl. The pilot seemed to know how to fly it, though, as the pilot did keep control of the fighter, and flew it low to the ocean, accelerating at high speed. The pilot had given up on fighting back, now he simply wanted to leave.

But it wouldn't be good enough. Feizhi had already lined up her shot at the Core Splendor, and this time she was going to hit it. She could feel it.

Feizhi aimed and fired. Another hit, but it wasn't a kill shot. But the Core Splendor was smoking. She _almost_ had it. One more shot . . .

Suddenly, Feizhi felt a massive pain in her chest, and blood filled her throat.

_What?_

Feizhi looked down, and instead of seeing her petite, wiry body, she saw a Tempest Sword sticking through her.

She knew what had hit her.

_I forgot . . . there's a GOUF Ignited now . . . I'm so stupid . . . _

The sword left her body, and Feizhi felt the strength in her body give as she lost control of the Windam. Smoke filled the cockpit, and Feizhi heard the faint sounds of explosions as the Windam prepared to blow, it had taken a direct hit in the power cells.

She couldn't breathe. She had been impaled in her lungs, in her heart. She had maybe seconds left before she saw whatever lay beyond this life.

She could only think of her commander, who had believed in her so much. Who had implemented her plan. The one man who had not treated her like a little girl.

"Neo," she choked out with the last of her air. "I'm sorry . . . I blew it again . . ."

Feizhi Aloquin was dead before her Windam exploded in a gigantic fireball.

* * *

Neo Roanoke saw Feizhi's Windam explode, and he just blinked away his emotions. She had been an amazing pilot, and the Earth Alliance would be far worse off without this underrated soldier, who could fly just about anything. Perhaps one of the few Naturals in the world who had a chance of flying a GUNDAM machine.

The Core Splendor was making a run for it, the smoking glorified cockpit fleeing to the _Minerva_. The flagship of the ZAFT convoy barely had a scratch on it so far. Neo was on the verge of declaring this battle a loss and simply trying to retreat and regroup before trying again.

It wasn't like the raid was completely unsuccessful. Many ZAFT ships were smoking or sinking. But this wasn't the crippling blow the brass wanted. The majority of the convoy was going to escape at this rate.

But this was not a success. The outdated forces based on the ground were massacred, and not enough Mobile Suits had broken through to cause crippling damage. There just wasn't enough reward to make up for all of the cost.

Another Windam exploded nearby, and Neo got the unpleasant surprise of seeing the GUNDAM Justice.

_Damn it._

The Justice angled straight for him and Neo blocked the first strike. There were rumors that the Justice's pilot was a legendary veteran of the last war, much like Neo. He wasn't sure how much stock to put in that, but Neo did know that the enemy pilot was skilled.

And that he outgunned Neo's machine.

_I need a GUNDAM._

Finally, Neo had enough of fighting the Justice and being on the defensive. He was running low on power anyway, and if there was one thing the Justice was good at, it was fighting forever. The thing was powered by a _nuclear reactor_.

"Everyone, fall back. Everyone's power is running low. We'll try again another time."

There wasn't a lot of grumbling over the coms. Everyone was too exhausted and stressed to keep up the fighting, they had to leave. As Neo made a defiant attacking thrust that made the Justice back off for a second, Neo used the opportunity to fly off. As he escaped, he noticed he had lost nearly a third of his forces, in exchange for a fifth of the convoy destroyed and maybe a quarter of the enemy Mobile Suit forces. And that wasn't counting the absolutely annihilated Skygraspers and Daggers from the ground-based forces. Skygraspers had a casualty rate in the eighty percent range, and Daggers were almost sixty.

Very high price to pay for middling results.

The brass was not going to be happy about this. There were still plenty of reinforcements to be thrown Neo's way, and the ZAFT wasn't going to get any, but the brass wanted the convoy much more weakened than this. They were almost desperate, judging by their attitudes, to have the convoy destroyed _now_.

Neo wondered what the brass wasn't telling him.

He hadn't signed up for this when he had agreed to take command of the Mobile Suit forces in this theater. He hadn't agreed to mess with pilots' minds, or relentlessly throw people into a meat-grinder.

The first defeat he could chalk up to it being a mere skirmish, he had plenty of reinforcements on the way and had more confidence. But then there was Madagascar, too many casualties had been taken seizing that island. And here, again, casualties were quite high. The Coordinators' superior genetics were proving to give themselves an advantage in battle that made up for the lack of numbers.

And, eventually, the reinforcements were going to start decreasing. There was an ugly war going on in South America, where the ZAFT was giving the Earth Alliance whatfor. The brass had to give that theater priority because other than this convoy that was the only place on the planet with a significant ZAFT presence.

Neo had to win the next battle. There was no choice. No choice at all.

If he failed . . .

He wasn't sure what the consequences would be.

He was just sure he wasn't going to like them.

* * *

He had been waiting all day for this. Flay had left hours ago to get her. She was behind schedule, and Kira was wondering why.

Maybe there were some channels she had to clear. Or maybe there was no child and this was an elaborate hoax that Kira was meant to fall for. He still had to consider that possibility that this Flay was not real, and the child he had seen in that picture was a particularly well-done computer graphic.

But why? Why would the Earth Alliance attempt such a hoax if it was only going to fail? What were they trying to do?

Flay knew a lot. She knew things that only she and Kira would know. But without the child, now that Kira had some time to get over his emotions, he couldn't quite believe her still. He had been sure that Flay had _died_ in that shuttle explosion. He couldn't remember _anyone_ being sucked out of the shuttle. He was sure he would have seen it.

Dead _certain_.

But then, if Flay was really alive again, and Kira had missed her floating around, of course he wouldn't have seen anyone being sucked out into space. Not to mention he had been locked in a life-or-death battle with Rau Le Creuset.

There had been no way he had been able to look for anybody.

And Kira _had_ been in seclusion. Of course fFay hadn't been able to find him. He had fallen off the face of the Earth. And the moment he fell into the Earth's hands, Flay found him.

That had to account for _something_, right?

But he still could not let himself be totally convinced. This was too _convenient_. Of course Flay would be alive after all this time. And she had a child. It was just too _perfect_.

The door to his room opened suddenly, and Kira braced himself. Was this Flay? Or would it be so-called "scientists" with chloroform to knock him out again before they could gas him? Maybe they knew he was suspicious and they were going to eliminate him or imprison him or mess with his mind or-

It was Flay.

"Kira?" she asked.

"Yes?" he replied.

"Fiona's here. Do you want to see her, or do you want to wait until tomorrow? It is getting pretty late."

Kira bit his lip. He decided to call Flay's bluff right here and now. "Please, let me see Fiona."

Flay smiled. "Okay. I thought you would say that."

She walked outside the door, and Kira heard her say "Daddy wants to see you."

The next time Flay appeared, she was holding a child. the same child in the picture.

The child _was_ real.

Kira's throat choked up. Was he really a father? Was this really his kid?

His daughter?

The child's violet eyes, so much like his own, opened up, and she wiped them. She looked sleepy, but the moment she saw him she perked up. "Daddy?"

That one word brought tears to his eyes.

"Y-Yeah," Kira managed.

"You can't stay with Daddy for very long. He's very tired, and so are you," Flay said gently.

Flay set Fiona on the bed, and she crawled over. "Mommy sez you are the most hansumest person in the wrrld," Fiona said.

"Really?" Kira asked. He looked at Flay, and she promptly blushed.

"Really," Fiona said, and she hugged him. "You're skinny."

"I'll see what I can do about that," Kira replied.

Flay spoke then. "The doctors are amazed with Fiona. She has the mental maturity of a five or six year old and she's only going to turn three in a couple of months. Even Coordinators don't mature mentally so fast."

She laughed. "Of course, when she's actually five or six that means she'll be as mature as a teenager. I'm sure we'll be both looking forward to that."

"How?" Kira asked.

Flay shrugged. "Something in her genetics. The same reason she came out a Coordinator instead of a Slant."

"Daddy, you're hurting," Fiona said softly. "Why? Why are you hurting?"

Kira froze.

Flay immediately walked over and picked Fiona up. "It's all right, Fiona," she said. "Daddy's just really happy to see you."

"But he's hurting. Why is he hurting?" Fiona asked.

Flay sighed as she held the girl, and patted her back. "Daddy will be all right, Fiona."

"You promise, Mommy?"

"I promise."

"She can sense people?" Kira asked as Flay handed the girl over to what appeared to be a maid or servant, who promptly took the child outside.

"She knows . . . when something's wrong with people. It makes her cry. I had to take her away before she cries, it would just make you feel really bad."

"I see," Kira said, as he gripped his blanket. _As usual, I'm not able to be near anybody._

"Kira," Flay asked, "How hurt are you? What's happened to you?"

Kira bit his lip. He wasn't sure he wanted Flay to know. But he also knew that he had no choice. That child was proof that that had to be the real Flay. Who would go through the effort to force a child to think she was Kira's daughter? It was so immoral that no one could possibly do it.

Kira took a deep breath. "I . . . have really bad nightmares. Visions. I see people dying."

"Oh, Kira." Flay hugged him. "It's all right. Tell me everything. It'll help."

Kira looked at Flay. "I don't know, I . . . "

"It's okay," Flay said. "If you don't want to say anything I'm not going to push you. I just think it'll help."

Kira tried to think about what would be the right choice, before before he could stop himself, he not only began to cry, he said everything.

He could not stop himself.

For the next couple of hours, Kira Yamato was nothing more than a flood of words.


	39. Chapter 39

**Chapter Thirty-Nine: Body of Glass**

_Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings,  
From the wicked that oppress me, from my deadly enemies, who compass me about._  
-Psalms 17:8-9 **Holy Bible**

The moment Meyrin Hawke could leave the bridge, she did. The convoy had escaped to fight another day, but the Earth Alliance could attempt another strike at any time. Whether it was an hour, a day, or a week, it didn't matter. Meyrin knew where she had to be right this second.

She could still remember Shinn Asuka's desperate screams for help as he was ambushed mid-transformation, leaving him with just the Core Splendor. The Core Splendor had no chance against the Mobile Suits on the battlefield, and it was Heine Westenfluss' intervention, destroying the attacking Windam, that had allowed Shinn to survive the battle.

The screams had terrified her. She had wondered if she had gotten him killed. If she had sent the Sword Silhouette too early, or too late. If she had made _the_ crucial error that had doomed Shinn. She probably didn't take in a single breath, existing on pure adrenaline, until Shinn managed to limp inside the _Minerva_, the automated pieces from both the Blast and Sword Silhouettes following.

_"Somebody help me! Please! I'm gonna die!"_

Both Shiho and Heine had answered, but Shiho had been stopped by the Gaia GUNDAM. Only Heine, by virtue of having easier opposition, had gotten to Shinn and saved him.

Heine Westenfluss. Last week, he hadn't even been part of the team. Now, he was the only reason why Shinn Asuka was still alive.

Meyrin was moving at a dead run. She rushed past random crew members, and even bowled one over in order to keep moving. She wasn't just running in order to reassure Shinn. She needed to reassure herself, too. She needed to know that he was unhurt, that he was okay.

And running helped her shake off her own frightened feelings over nearly seeing him die in battle.

She finally stopped outside his room, and she realized that before she had begun crushing on Shinn, she hadn't been able to cover half the distance from the bridge to his room. She could probably run all the back to the bridge before she'd be absolutely exhausted now.

She tried to regain her composure. It wouldn't do for him to see her haggard and breathless. It would make him worry too much for her. Meyrin knew she was okay. She had been rattled, but her fright had to have been nothing compared to Shinn's. _He_ had actually been out there, fighting for his life, desperately trying to fly the Core Splendor fighter in a battlefield dominated by the superior Mobile Suits.

Whatever her terror had been, it paled in comparison to Shinn's.

The scanner that controlled the door wasn't locked. Meyrin sighed with relief. She wouldn't have to hack the scanner again. Scanners were easy to hack, anyone with instructions could do it, but military scanners could be a bit more difficult.

She walked in front of the door, and it slid open automatically. And there was Shinn, sitting on his bed, shaking.

"Shinn."

Shinn turned, and his face tried to relax, but there was no disguising the trembling in his hands. "Meyrin, you're here."

"Why wouldn't I be?" Meyrin looked over. She looked at his hands, and, on a whim, lightly grabbed both of them. "It's over now. It's okay. The battle's over."

"Right, right . . . " Shinn said softly.

"The battle's over. You're still alive. That's what matters. Heine saved you."

"I saw. I need to thank him."

Meyrin felt the trembling go down in his hands a bit, and she took a deep breath. "You can thank him when you're calmed down, Shinn. You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I thought I was gonna _become_ a ghost," Shinn said.

Meyrin shook her head. "No. You're going to be okay. You're not going to die out there."

She had no idea where she got this reassurance from. This strength. Once, she needed to think carefully about what to say. But now it was automatic. She _knew_ what to say. She had gotten to know Shinn so well she knew what he needed to hear. And that wasn't always what he _wanted_ to hear.

Shinn struggled to smile. "Right. I need to protect you."

"You're not going to die because you're just too good of a pilot to die," Meyrin said. "That simple."

Shinn looked down. "I wish I could believe that."

Meyrin hugged him. "You need to believe it. I believe it. Everyone believes it. You survived a battle in just the Core Splendor. That had to count for _something_."

Shinn peered at her. "Really?"

Meyrin smiled. "Really."

The look in his eyes made it all worth it. Shinn, sometimes, gave her looks of this yearning affection that she was certain had been reserved for Stellar. That look had been there the first time, when Meyrin had found Shinn in tears in his room. And now, that look in his eyes filled Meyrin with love.

And all that came with love. Including, but not limited to, desire.

She leaned in and kissed him softly. "That won't happen again. We'll both be ready next time. They won't get the drop on you again."

Shinn's eyes seemed to shimmer. "I hope so."

"I know so."

Meyrin was not going to lose him. It was such an amazing feeling, being in love for the first time. She was not going to let him down. He needed her. Soon, the pain he was feeling would lessen, and things would become happier.

The sooner the Gaia was finally shot down, the better, so Shinn would no longer be tormented every battle by his psychotic ex-girlfriend.

Who would want that to happen to anybody? For the one they loved to lose his or her mind and start attacking them with horrific vengeance? It was a fate that Meyrin could scarcely imagine wishing on anyone.

Much less Shinn.

What had he done to deserve this? Was it a past life, or some alternate reality where he had done something unspeakable to warrant this abuse now?

Who could really know?

"Meyrin," Shinn asked suddenly.

"Yes?"

"How can we stop this? This is just going to keep going on until we're dead. How can we stop this before that happens?" Shinn asked.

"Don't say that," Meyrin replied.

"I'm serious. The Blast Silhouette is useless, I've lost a crucial component to it, and I'm not getting a replacement. We're going to be running low on food again. Clean water. Energy. Every battle shrinks our forces more and more and nobody's coming to rescue us. Why the hell are we heading towards the Suez anyway? If we wanted to be saved we'd be heading to South America."

He held Meyrin tighter. "How can I keep us from dying, Meyrin?"

_At least he isn't saying "we're all gonna die",_ Meyrin thought.

But she realized she didn't have a good answer.

Finally, Meyrin said "It's not just up to you. This is a team effort, Shinn. I know this sounds stupid, but all of us have to be there for each other. Heine's why you're still alive. When are you gonna thank him?

A pause. "I don't know."

Meyrin sighed. "Go and thank him."

"Now?"

"Yes, now! Before you forget!"

"All right, all right," Shinn said, and he got up. He rubbed his forehead, and then sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm all nerves right now."

"We're all like that, it's all right," Meyrin said.

Shinn nodded, and finally, he smiled. "Thank you. I'm glad you're here, Meyrin. If you weren't here I can't imagine what I'd be like right now."

He left then, leaving Meyrin completely speechless, and her heart thrashing in her chest.

Blushing, she looked down as Shinn vanished. She was amazed at how quickly she was forgetting how to breathe.

_He trusts me. He really trusts me and cares about me._ The realization of that brought tears to Meyrin's eyes.

_I hope we live. I'd love to spend my entire life with him. That isn't such an unreasonable request, isn't it?_

_Isn't it?

* * *

_

Neo Roanoke shook his head as he looked at the map with Captain Ian Lee. "We're going to need more than just Mobile Suits and Mobile Armors to take the convoy down. How long before we can get our battleships in range of the convoy?"

Ian Lee shook his head. "It'll be at least a couple more days. Possibly more. I'm surprised H.Q. isn't kicking us in the ass to pick up the pace."

That _was_ strange. H.Q. had been _livid_ over the convoy escaping from Madagascar in the first place, and had been haranguing Neo and the fleet to catch up quicker. Especially that man that they called Lord Djibril, he hadn't been happy with Neo's progress at all, according to what H.Q. said. Naomi Mitsuda, for her part, remained curiously silent.

But now they were silent. Like it no longer mattered. Neo knew H.Q. was up to something, but what?

There had been the incident at the Alaskan base in the last war, where Earth forces had been immolated to destroy a ZAFT army. That caused one of the greatest scandals of the war, and a lot of the brass who had planned that move were subsequently court-martialed and imprisoned after the war . . . that is, if they weren't already killed in later battles.

Was that happening again? Was H.Q. truly that foolish to try the same tactic?

Neo shook the conspiracy theories out of his head. There was no way H.Q. would be that stupid ever again.

"It doesn't matter. Maybe H.Q. is trying the silent tactic to see if that gets resulted. Trying to make us nervous so we pick up the pace," Neo said.

Ian Lee chuckled awkwardly. "That wouldn't surprise me. The brass _really_ strikes me as being more ruthless than they were last war."

Neo nodded. "All right. Can we get the battleships in range in three days?"

Ian nodded in return. "Yes. Or the majority of them, anyway."

"We'll start a bombardment, and destroy all of the stragglers and wounded ships, as well as any targets of opportunity. That will eliminate any interference between us and the healthy ships of the convoy. Also, their Mobile Suit contingent _did_ shrink significantly. We have reserves in the land forces to make up for the heavy Dagger and Skygrasper casualties, and they can join us in the Mobile Suit strike."

"Any Windam reinforcements?" Ian asked.

Neo paused. "H.Q.'s silence extends to that as well. They're saying the situation in South America is bad, but I know there's reserves they could be sending in our direction but they're not."

"More and more curious," Ian said.

"Yes, I know."

"How's the sanity of your GUNDAM pilots?" Ian asked.

"Stellar Loussier remains touch-and-go. The doctors can't figure out what is causing her . . . I wouldn't call it _insanity_, but . . ."

"Let's just call her 'not fully sane'," Ian said.

"That's the best way to describe her mental state. She's not going to run wild again, but she's mentally unbalanced. The doctors are saying there's something else that they did not expect in Stellar Loussier's mind, and they can't figure it out."

"Wonderful. I'm really sick and tired of that girl assaulting the Impulse like she's _married _to it," Ian said. "We have other objectives besides destroying the Impulse. It would be nice if she tried to accomplish them."

"At least Sting and Auel are still willing to follow orders," Neo said. "Their sanity has not been effected in the least."

"Yes, but Loussier is the truly gifted pilot among the three," Ian said. "She can make her Gaia do things that Oakley and Neider can only dream of."

_And that leaves us with our current problem,_ Neo thought.

Suddenly, an ensign at one of the computer stations stood up. "Colonel Roanoke, Captain Lee, we're being hailed. There's some kind of strange ship that's entered our fleet from the rear."

_Strange ship?_ Neo thought. "What did they identify themselves as?"

"Uh, the _Sergei Smirnov_, sir."

Neo's eyes widened. _A stealth carrier? I didn't know any of those had launched yet!_

"Open up a vid line, I want to see the commander," Neo Roanoke said.

"Understood, sir."

A video screen emanated in front of Neo and Ian, and there stood a dark-skinned woman with red hair tied neatly into a ponytail.

She grinned cheerfully. _"Colonel Meryl Wingate at your service, Colonel Roanoke!"_

_Never heard of a 'Meryl Wingate' . . ._ Neo thought. "Yes, Colonel Wingate, what brings you here? I thought the _Smirnov_ was not ready to be launched."

_"Please, call me 'Meryl',_" the woman said. Her smile became sly. _"The _Smirnov_ has been operating in a combat capacity since this war restarted, actually. We've been operating in South America until a few days ago. Our operations have been top secret, so I can't discuss them over an open line, but let me just say that the 80th Strike Team is the only reason why there's still a South America theater right now."_

"By you destroying the ZAFT or by being so incompetent the ZAFT can't be destroyed?" Ian asked.

Meryl laughed._ "Good one, Captain. Trust me, I have evidence that more than proves our competence, let me assure you."_

She gave the men a shrewd look. _"The 80th Strike Team operates under the direct orders of Naomi Mitsuda herself. We were ordered by her to rush into this theater, and so here we are. Also, here's one piece of evidence I can show you. Lily, please bring up the hanger feed."_

All of a sudden, Neo found himself staring at a video of a GUNDAM. It was white with dark blue and violet colors, and it looked like an enhanced version of the Strike model, with the long-range capability of Buster.

_What? Since when did we build a new GUNDAM?_

The video switched back to Meryl, whose sly grin got even broader. _"That is the GUNDAM Odyssey, Colonel Roanoke. _My_ Mobile Suit. I'm sure both of you men are smart enough to realize that ZAFT wasn't the only nation that was developing new ones. We were merely smart enough to keep them secret."_

Neo looked at Meryl. He had underestimated her. That GUNDAM was proof of her ability . . . and genetic lineage.

But she was full of herself. Almost to the point where she could become grating in short order. Neo wasn't sure whether he wanted to be in a conversation with this woman for very long.

Meryl's voice turned serious. _"The president's orders are as follows: Colonel Roanoke, your group is being folded into mine. Henceforth, we are now the 80th Strike Squadron. You're still in command nominally, but I am battlefield commander and strategist. Our mission is to destroy the Minerva, along with the Justice, Impulse, and Savior GUNDAMs as secondary objectives."_

Now the woman was more than just an annoyance. She had effectively just demoted him on the spot. Now, she was an obstacle.

Or worse, a rival.

Neo knew he was too old to have a rival. A rival was something to have in school, not in the military.

"Understood, but I will want to see verification," Neo said.

_"It is coming, it should arrive within a half hour,"_ Meryl said. She folded her hands. _"Also, I have a final request."_

"Yes?" Neo asked, bracing himself for the worst.

It turned out to be something different than he had expected. _"I want to see Stellar Loussier."_

Neo froze. "What?"

_"You have a pilot named Stellar Loussier. I would like to speak with her, please. _Privately_."_

The look in her eyes suggested that Meryl was dead serious about what she wanted, and damn determined to do it too. Now Neo was nervous.

What was going on? And would he ever know for sure?

* * *

Kira was strong enough to stand, now. It was a beautiful autumn day, and Kira just stood in the cool breeze, letting it relax him. It had been so long since Kira had been in such an idyllic environment, and he was going to savor it.

He had fallen behind Flay and Fiona a bit, but he didn't mind at all. He liked just observing them. There was no doubt on his mind that they were real, and they were alive. They were interacting too much like a mother and daughter for them to be fake.

_That's my girl . . . and Flay's the mother._ Kira had never dreamed of being a father. He had always thought of himself as being childless, especially after PTSD's horrible symptoms showed up. But now, he didn't feel like a PTSD sufferer. Or the monster he had dreamt of being. He felt _human_ now.

Maybe all he needed was that child. _His_ child.

Wouldn't that be amazing, and convenient, if that was all he needed?

No, love wasn't good enough. Kira knew he'd relapse yet again. He remembered Lacus. She had been there above and beyond for him, and that still didn't help him. There was no guarantee Flay would do the same . . . or want her child anywhere near Kira. Once she knew how thoroughly screwed up he was . . .

As much as he loved Flay, he knew she could not be completely trusted.

Lacus he could trust one-hundred percent. No, one-hundred-ten.

Thinking about Lacus tore at him. He could only wonder what was happening to Lacus now. Whether she was okay . . .

Or whether she was suffering.

Kira had a bad feeling he knew the true answer.

_I don't know if I'll ever see her again. I don't know if I'll ever be able to hold her and tell her she's okay._

He looked along the coast, and stared as far as he could across the horizon. Where did he belong, with Lacus, or with Flay?

With the girl who loved him unconditionally, or with the girl who bore his child?

Why did everything have to be so complicated?

"Daddy! Daddy! Why're you fallin' behind, Daddy?" Fiona yelled. Kira turned and saw Fiona trying to run over to him. She fell multiple times, only to get right back up and keep running.

"I'm sorry," Kira finally said as he went to one knee.

"Are you tired, Daddy?"

Kira smiled. "No. I'm just enjoying the breeze."

"Oh. Okay."

Flay caught up then. "I think it's time we went back, Fiona."

"Already?"

"Yes, Fiona. I need to discuss some things with Daddy."

"About why Daddy's so sad?"

There was a long silence, and Kira sensed that Fiona had a much better memory than most two-year-olds.

Flay sighed. "Yes, Fiona."

"Okay, Mommy." Fiona seemed so understanding. Despite being so young, her grasp of things were far above average for such a young child. It just seemed so _perfect_.

Flay turned to Kira. "Kira, there's something I have to tell you. It's very important, all right? I . . . I wasn't able to get you out of military duties."

"_What_?" Kira asked.

"There's something you have to do. I'll show you after we head back, okay?"

Kira felt fear coarse throughout his systme. He knew what Flay meant. He'd have to be completely dense not to see it.

_They're going to make me fight. Flay got me out of a frozen prison but she couldn't keep the Earth Alliance from using me._

He couldn't bear to think about fighting. He had fought enough. He was _done_ with fighting.

But the Earth Alliance had decided he wasn't.

And now, the time when Kira stopped fighting was going to be decided by _them_.

Which, obviously, could mean he'd be forced to fight forever . . .

No. _Would_.

He would be fighting forever . . . and break. Break like glass.

That's all he was.

Glass.

Fragile, inflexible, broken glass.


	40. Chapter 40

**Chapter Forty: Liberate**

_The moment the slave resolves that he will no longer be a slave, his fetters fall . . . _  
-Mohandas Karamchano Gandhi, **Nonviolence in Peace and War**

"Oh man, they're partnering us with a team of hot women! This is Auel's dream come true!"

"Actually, I think one of them is just a girly-lookin' guy."

"Auel doesn't care! The guy's as hot as the women!"

"You have any idea how wrong that just sounded?"

"Auel _still_ doesn't care!"

Stellar Loussier decided right then and there that her friends' conversation wasn't worth listening to.

They looked like well-trained cannon fodder to her. They'd last longer than a standard Windam pilot but would still be outclassed by virtue of equipment alone. Unless they managed to catch one of the GUNDAMs by surprise, anyway.

Their leader was a dark-skinned women with red hair, which suggested mixed heritage. She was tall, and looked quite strong, and had the eyes of a veteran. Stellar could tell that the leader was someone she had to respect. This was a soldier who hadn't just fought in this war, but the previous one, too.

The leader cleared her throat. "Auel Neider, Sting Oakley, Stellar Loussier, and Neo Roanoke. As of today, we are now the 80th Strike Squadron, the most elite squadron in the entire Earth Alliance."

"Auel likes what he is hearing," Auel said to Stellar's right.

The woman continued on as if Auel hadn't said a word. "My name is Meryl Wingate. Colonel Roanoke is still in senior command, but I am taking charge in the battlefield. The brass feels Colonel Roanoke is too valuable to risk in the battlefield with a Windam, so until an improved Windam model arrives, Roanoke will be sitting out. But that's fine. We have four teams now, made out of three Mobile Suits apiece, and a GUNDAM will be in each team."

She sighed. "I will not tolerate insubordination. This includes needless interruption, as I will remind the blue-haired one."

Auel made an "eep" noise, and froze in place.

Stellar looked out of her peripheral vision to see Neo. He was impassive, silent, no emotion. Stellar could tell that Neo was unhappy despite his expressionless face, and Stellar knew there had to be more than just his job being stolen.

Meryl stopped pacing back and forth, and stood still. "I will be having a brief private chat with all three of you pilots. Just so I can make myself clear on ground rules. Right now, I don't believe a combat operation will be launched shortly, so after the meetings I'd like the squadron to become acquainted. I have not drawn up teams yet, that will be done after our face to face meetings. Loussier, you will be first. Oakley, you're next. Neider, you're last. The rest of you are dismissed and can do what you wish until 1200 hours. Move."

Stellar saw Meryl walk directly towards her. Nervous, she turned towards Neo, but he had already turned his back and walked away. He looked almost ashamed of something, but Stellar couldn't figure out what he was so ashamed of.

"Eyes on me, Loussier," Meryl said.

"Uh, yes ma'am!" Stellar said, snapping to attention.

Meryl turned to her friends. "You two follow us, but wait outside in the hallway. I want you both standing up the entire time. I'll leave it to your imaginations what your punishments will be if I catch you both sitting down."

Both Sting and Auel looked like they were breaking out into sweats. Especially Auel. For a young man who didn't seem to mind combat at all, he seemed to get nervous just by being in perfectly pedestrian situations.

Meryl then turned to Stellar. "Walk beside me."

"Yes, ma'am."

Stellar then marched with Meryl out of the hangar bay and into the hallway. She tried to make sense out of this tall woman. Why was she going first? Meryl seemed to be most interested in her, and Stellar was unnerved as to why.

She wasn't going to take the Gaia away. She wasn't going to relieve Stellar of duty. In fact, judging by her speech, she wasn't going to do anything to Stellar.

Then what was she going to do?

They stopped at a door, and Meryl opened it. Meryl motioned to go inside. Stellar paused, and after looking at her friends, reluctantly stepped through, expecting a blow to the back of her head any second. It never happened.

_What is she planning? I doubt this is going to be an ordinary discussion._

There was a table with two chairs. Clearly Meryl had planned this well in advance, despite there only being an hour or two since she showed up. She clearly held some sway in the Earth Alliance.

Then again, it was just a table and chairs. How meaningful was she? She was just a colonel.

"Please sit, Ensign Loussier," Meryl said.

Stellar did so, and she folded her hands under the table to disguise their shaking.

Meryl did not sit. She just smiled knowingly. "So you can be subordinate after all."

"_What_ was that?" Stellar asked.

Meryl just chuckled. "Ah, the surefire sign of a soldier who's had her mind messed with too many times. What a short temper."

"What do you mean? Uh, ma'am?"

"The truth is, Ensign, I already know all I need to know. In fact, I know you."

Stellar stared. "Well, I don't."

"You do. You just forgot about it. But that's what happened to all sleeper Extended, after the incident."

"Incident? And what's an Extended?"

"You think you're just an ordinary Slant like your friends Oakley and Neider, Ensign. But you're not. You're _better_ than they are. Better than even the Coordinators. You may have seen glimpses of this in battle. Have you had any . . . _rages_, Ensign, where you can't recall exactly what you did or what triggered it but it happened anyway?"

Stellar realized this woman was not ordinary. She knew far too much. And was obviously an Extended, whatever those were. It was indeed like she knew Stellar. She even knew that Stellar had gone into rages, triggered by something hazy she couldn't remember.

"The guilty look in your eyes tells me everything, Ensign."

"What are you going to do to me?" Stellar asked, standing up. Meryl was clearly going to do something. Stellar planned on fighting back. If she could escape, she could find Neo. Maybe _he_ could help in some way. Stop this crazy woman who knew way too much.

Meryl sighed, and her condescending smile faded. "Stellar, you have no idea how much you mean to me, do you? And Colonel Roanoke foolishly tried to mess with your mind, and that's messed you up."

"What?" Stellar asked. She really wished she had a gun on her. Or some kind of weapon. Meryl Wingate was getting creepier by the second, especially by her now calling Stellar by her first name, dropping all pretenses.

Meryl stared at Stellar. "It's a well-known fact that if you're going to have your memories suppressed, it can only happen once. Trying to cram two sets of manufactured memories on top of a person's _real_ memories only leads to instability, mood swings, multiple personalities, and all sorts of _other_ lovely mental problems, depending on the size of the memory sets."

She pulled out a syringe. "Thankfully, manufactured memories can be erased, unlike organic memories. This contains a nanite set, Stellar Loussier. This will annihiliate all of your manufactured memories, _both_ sets of them, and leave your organic memories intact. You may be confused, after all, you've had a false life with many organic memories from that life. But you'll be able to sort them out after a short while."

"Stay away from me," Stellar said. She looked towards the door. She had to shout for Sting. Auel. Keep this crazy woman away.

"I know you're afraid, Stellar. But once you remember, you'll realize I'm only helping you. I can't have a mentally unstable soldier in my squadron. Especially an _Extended_."

"What's an Extended?" Stellar yelled. _C'mon, Sting, Auel, hear me!_

"I could go through a needlessly long explanation, but I'm going to have to give one to Colonel Roanoke and Captain Lee anyway. I'm just going to have you sort it out for yourself."

"Sting, Auel-" Before Stellar could say anything more, Meryl flung the syringe, and it landed in Stellar's abdomen.

_It's cold!_ Stellar moved to yank it out, but it had already injected its contents before she could remove it. Her entire abdomen felt cold. And it was moving up, through her blood, through her heart and lungs, towards her neck. This sense of dry, freezing cold.

"The room is soundproofed. It's meant to be an interrogation room, after all. No sense in disturbing soldiers outside the room with loud noises, after all." Meryl bent down as Stellar fell to her knees, as the freezing sensation crawled up her neck and made her gag.

She placed a hand on Stellar's shoulder, and smiled kindly. "I never thought I would see another of my kind again, Stellar. Especially you. I always thought you'd do well, and piloting a GUNDAM shows you have so much unrealized potential."

"How do you know me?" Stellar asked, as the freezing sensation crawled through her head, and she felt the pulsing pain of a migraine come on her. She moaned as she grabbed her head. Something . . . something felt horribly wrong.

Horribly wrong.

The orphanage . . . the nuns, they were vanishing.

Her childhood was vanishing in front of her eyes.

Fading to black.

Wait, what was there? Was something there in the darkness? Or was it just a figment of her imagination? What had been there?

She didn't know. It was just _gone_.

Everything was going away. Everything. She'd see it, and it would be gone in an instant. Fading into black. Turning everything into a blank slate. Leaving her without an identity, without a past.

It was all lies, dreams, machinations. She was a lie, a dream, a machination.

She wanted it back. She wanted the lies back. She wanted . . . whatever she had thought was real. She couldn't remember what the lies were anymore. They were gone. Erased. Destroyed.

"_What did you do to me_?" Stellar wailed.

"There's two tough parts. This is the first tough part. You're losing everything that is not real. It's frightening, but you will be relieved at what will turn out to be real."

Suddenly, Stellar saw Shinn aiming a gun at her. _No, I don't want to forget this! I have to destroy Impulse! It's my-_

It too, was lost in the black.

_My what?_

Suddenly, the complete and utter loathing towards Shinn Asuka felt pointless, even nonsensical. What had he ever done to her? Her action towards him made zero sense whatsoever.

_Wait . . . what if Shinn isn't real?_

She suddenly pictured him, and Stellar knew what that meant.

_No! Don't take him away too! Please! I love him! Don't take him away!_

She remembered all of it. The dates in the PLANTs, the first kiss, her comforting him inside the _Minerva_, their vows to each other, her nearly-successful attempt to make him defect.

None of it vanished.

_He's real_.

Tears appeared in her eyes. _He's real. Shinn's real. He's not going away_.

Auel and Sting flashed in front of her eyes then, but they stayed too. They were such goofballs, but part of it was intentional, they were trying so hard to make her laugh and be such good friends. She remembered their antics, the tricks she had played on her previous boyfriends, all in an attempt to protect her because they were her friends, dammit.

_They're staying too. They're real. My friends are real. None of them are made up._

A smile crossed her face despite the cold pain rushing through her head and tears pouring from her eyes.

_I have friends. I have someone I love. They're real. They're not fake. Not one part of them is going away._

She hugged herself. _It's all real. What matters is real_.

But her reverie ended. Suddenly, new images, new voices, flashed all around her.

_What is this?_

A hallway covered in blood and bodies. A young man standing in the middle of the room, holding a machine-gun. He turned towards her, a maniacal grin crossing his face, aiming to kill her but something hit her and knocked her over.

_What happened?_

A ghostly male voice. _"You will be the best of the human race."_

_What is that supposed to mean?_

_"Blue Cosmos is attacking! Get the kids out!"_

_I know that voice_.

Blood, blood everywhere.

_Make it stop_.

Limbs being severed as high-caliber machine-guns bullets tore through everyone and everything. Heads exploding, or being severed through the neck.

_Make it stop!_

The young man laughing as he sprayed his Uzi-like machine-gun at her and the woman trying to protect her. _"Everyone! Everyone has to die! We'll all be killed anyway! We all must die!_"

_Why is he trying to kill me?_

Neo Roanoke, aiming a gun at her, shooting her with a tranquilizer dart.

Her voice. _"You're really going to shoot me?"_

His head so subtly shaking in disagreement. _"As far as you're concerned, no. As for the future you's concerned, it was _Shinn Asuka_ who shot you."_

_Neo shot me._

Now it made sense, why her nonsensical anger towards Shinn had existed.

_They turned me against Shinn. They made me try to kill him._

Before she could reflect on that, more memories rushed through her.

It was all so fast. Too fast. Everything spinning around and flowing through her and tearing her apart and stitching her back together endlessly, perpetually, on and on it never ended until she didn't know what was supposed to go where and-

She gasped herself back into reality.

Her headache was gone, but there was still a slight pressure in her head. She moved her right hand to rub her head and eyes, and her palm came away covered in tears.

Suddenly, she realized she was laying on something. Or _someone_.

She suddenly saw Meryl Wingate's face appear over her. "You all right, Stellar?"

_I remember her_. She had seen that face, when that crazy young man with the white hair started blasting everyone in the facility. She had pulled Stellar away, carrying her down the hallway, barely ahead of the rampaging young man.

"It was you . . . who saved me from . . . from Michael."

The name of the crazy young man suddenly resonated with her, and she realized that Michael had been a top student. _The_ top student. He had no reason to go crazy. But he had. And Stellar couldn't remember if anyone had been able to kill him.

Meryl nodded. "I did. Everything's okay, Stellar. You're the youngest Extended that survived."

"My friends . . . he killed them all."

"He did. The only reason why you weren't killed too was because you were sick, so you weren't in class with everyone else. Remember that? You had a stomach flu."

"Oh yeah. I did."

Stellar suddenly realized her head was resting on Meryl's legs and she quickly sat up, and she felt her face heat up in embarrassment. "I fainted, didn't I?"

"It happens," Meryl said with a shrug.

Stellar tried to make sense out of everything inside her head. She hadn't originally been an Extended. Extended weren't born like Coordinators. They were _made_. That meant she was a glorified science experiment. A guinea pig. She remembered injection after injection, and not understanding what all of those painful injections meant.

She didn't know how she knew this . . . she just _did_. She couldn't even tell what was making her recall all of this.

_I was a Natural. They turned me into this . . . whatever I am._

She still didn't know who "they" were, but she had a feeling it would occur to her in time.

She suddenly remembered Shinn. She had ruthlessly attacked Shinn. The boy she loved. Why had she done that again?

_Neo_.

She felt a searing hatred flow throughout her.

_I'm going to kill that bastard._

Her hands turned into fists.

Before she could take a single step, Meryl had gotten up and grabbed Stellar by the shoulder. Stellar nearly attempted to flip Meryl, then realized she shouldn't know how to do such a thing and hesitated. Her hesitation allowed Meryl to talk instead of fight.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Neo . . . he messed with my mind. Made me crazy. Made me want to kill Shinn."

"Who's Shinn? A boyfriend?"

"Yes. He's with the ZAFT. I was trying to make him defect. Who knows if I can do it now, after what I've done to him over the last couple of weeks."

Meryl's grip became tighter. "Don't take it out on Neo. He was likely acting under orders, and even more likely doesn't have any idea what an Extended is. He's just a colonel, he doesn't have the clearance. Not by a long shot."

Stellar was about to say she didn't care, but then remembered something she had learned.

"That's right . . . you have to go up the chain of command. You have to kill the person giving the orders. When there's no orders to give, the people who execute the orders have to operate by themselves. It makes them feel abandoned, alone. They panic."

Meryl chuckled awkwardly. "I don't think most of the brass knows who you are either, so that analogy doesn't count. The Extended are thought to be dead even by those who know of their existence. My rough guess is that there's maybe ten of us left now, plus Michael, wherever he is."

"Where is everyone?"

"You know the answer to that question. The director explained that to everyone who became a 'sleeper', in case they had to be "reactivated" again."

"I don't remember."

"You will."

Meryl's words there sounded particularly resonant, and it made Stellar relax. "You're right, it's not worth it."

"That's good."

"But I need to talk to Shinn. I need to tell him . . . I wasn't okay." She turned towards Meryl. "I know you must think it's stupid, me being in love with a Slant . . . but I love him. I truly do."

Meryl nodded. "If your feelings aren't going away or you're not finding them asinine then they are true."

Stellar found herself smiling again, just like she had when she had found out Shinn had been real and not a figment of some mind game. Just like her friends.

"Why?" Stellar finally asked. "Why did you . . . wake me up?"

"I plan on giving the ZAFT a surprise . . . and you will play a key role in that." Meryl yawned then. "All right, get going. I need to talk with your friends. Unlike you, they're getting just a normal lecture. Go out through the other door, not the one we came in."

"Yes ma'am."

"Please, call me Meryl, Stellar. We're comrades, I think we should at least sound like it," Meryl said with a grin.

"Yes, Meryl."

"Now go on. You've earned some rest . . . as well as your freedom. I'm glad you have grown up to become a decent young woman . . . when you're not psychotic, anyway."

"Gee, thanks."

"You're welcome. Now _go_."

"Yes, Meryl."

Stellar exited through the alternate door and found herself in another hallway. She sighed with relief, and realized how quickly she had re-established her rapport with Meryl Wingate just minutes into becoming her old self again, with her strange patchwork of memories formed under three lives she had lived.

_I'm supposed to be better than a Coordinator. Is that really true? I just can't picture myself as some kind of ultimate human, an ultimate soldier._

She thought about the myraid images she saw, and she looked down. So, her kind had been slaughtered. But Michael couldn't have done it by himself. So who? Who could have done it?

Stellar knew the answer was out there somewhere. And she was going to find it.

She was owed that answer.

And she was going to get it, no matter what stood in her way.


	41. Chapter 41

**Chapter Forty-One: Engulfing Conspiracy **

_Living in the modern age,  
death for virtue is the wage.  
So it seems in darker hours.  
Evil wins, kindness cowers._

_Ruled by violence and vice_  
_We all stand upon thin ice._  
_Are we brave or are we mice,_  
_here upon such thin, thin ice?_

_Dare we linger, dare we skate?_  
_Dare we laugh or celebrate,_  
_knowing we may strain the ice?_  
_Preserve the ice at any price?_

-Dean Koontz; **The Book of Counted Sorrows  
**_  
_

_None of them are looking me in the eye anymore._

Neo Roanoke could already tell he had lost the Slants he technically still commanded. Their shifty, hostile gazes and their refusal to acknowledge him told him all he needed to know. He didn't even bother to speak to them, it wouldn't help at all and likely would make things worse.

He sat down by the woman who had wrecked it all, Meryl Wingate. The woman eyed him, and then looked away, a satisfied, subtle grin crossing her face. "So, what brings you here?"

"Didn't take you long to turn them against me."

Meryl's rather high-and-mighty chuckle aggravated Neo. "People don't take it well when they find out someone messed with their heads." "I was following orders."

"Tell _them_ that. An order to you is a severe personal violation for them."

Neo stared at Stellar Loussier, who seemed to be lost in her own world, even as her friends joked around and tried to drag Stellar into their routine. Stellar humored them, but she showed no interest in actually taking part. The raw aggression that had defined her character the last couple of weeks had vanished, and now she looked distant, sad.

Meryl seemed to sense what Neo was doing. "Stellar's still relearning herself. Her mind was rewritten once before you tried to do that again. You can't try to suppress manufactured memories on top of actual memories. All that does is cause instability. You're lucky she held together as much as she did."

Neo looked at Meryl. "How do you know so much about this?"

Meryl gave him yet another knowing look. "I just do."

Neo saw members of Meryl's squadron hang around the Slants then, and they seemed to be assimilating nicely. Of course, it would take a battle, or a highly advanced simulation, to figure it out for sure, but bonding outside the battlefield had to help.

"Your squadron's all women," Neo said. "Why?"

"Actually, there's one man, but he's just a pretty boy," Meryl said. "See that person with the brown hair with the bangs that go to his eyebrows? That's Taylor Flannigan, our lone male. He's a sniper, very good at what he does. As for why the rest are women . . . that's just how it happened, that's all. Did some intense Mobile Suit tryouts, and I wound up choosing a lot of women to join me."

"I doubt it was just coincedence," Neo said.

Meryl nodded. 'Well, there have been studies conducted. Just like with submarines, women have been found to function better and more consistently in the cramped cockpit of a Mobile Suit than men."

"And you'll place your faith in a psychology study?"

Meryl smiled again. "No, I'm placing my faith in what I believe to be the best soldiers I could ask for. Ramona Card, Lily DuBois, Laura Rodriguez, Acelin Reilly, Setsuko Kanno, Svetlana Jagr, Lyndis Weaver."

She pointed at each one of them, and Neo sighed in annoyance. They all must have interesting backgrounds and personalities, but Neo didn't want to get to know them. They were just going to get killed the next time they faced the ZAFT with their GUNDAM machines. Windams were simply outclassed in every way, and the enemy GUNDAM pilots were only getting better each time they had to use their machines.

Meryl seemed to look upon her soldiers proudly. "We served in the South American campaign without taking a single casualty. Granted, we only served for two weeks before being transferred over here, but we're all veterans of the previous war."

"Do you consider yourself invincible?" Neo asked.

Meryl's smile faded. "You can't. Even in a GUNDAM you will die the moment you assume that."

Meryl stood up, holding her empty tray. "I believe it's time I let you and Captain Lee in on a few things. The _Girty Lue_ is our home base now, the _Sergei Smirnov_ is going back to South America where it can be of better use in interdiction missions. You both need to know why I am here, and why I have such an interest in Stellar Loussier."

"What, you're not going to leave us in mystery?" Neo asked, skeptical.

"There's no point in doing that. That just makes more tension," Meryl said. "Now come."

_I'm supposed to be the superior officer and she orders _me _around_, Neo thought. Just another sign of how he had no respect among anybody anymore.

The three Slant pilots were still talking and chatting with the 80th Strike veterans. Stellar broke from the conversation enough to briefly look at Neo. She stared for a second, then looked away, a hurt, angry expression upon her face.

He was never going to be forgiven for what he did. Not like he expected to.

He followed Meryl out of the cafeteria. The woman was an enigma, and it was about time he found out some information about her.

Before he could face his enemies, he needed to know what his allies were.

He had the feeling he wasn't going to like what he was about to hear.

* * *

Athrun Zala looked up at the GUNDAM Freedom, and wondered what twists of fate had brought him to fly what belonged to Kira. The rebuilt Justice was elsewhere, leaving him with an unfamiliar machine that he could not guarantee to use well.

Cagalli was standing by him. Despite being the new head of state, she was content to just be by Athrun right now, without a throng of bodyguards. At least in places like this hangar. Cagalli more than understood having bodyguards when in public, she was going to need them if someone tried to kill her.

But here, in the Morgenroete hangar? She found the idea laughable.

Then again, the Sierans must have found the idea of someone killing them in their own office laughable, too.

And without him here, Cagalli would mostly be without true friends, other than Murrue and Lacus.

Not good.

Cagalli sighed as she reached to touch the Freedom's shiny armor. "Athrun, please take care of this. It's the most powerful machine Orb has."

"I know," Athrun said.

Cagalli turned towards him. "Remember that it runs on nuclear power, Athrun. If you're going to go down you _must_ shut down the nuclear reactor. If you don't . . ."

"Yeah. I know." It wasn't something Athrun was going to be looking forward to.

Cagalli walked towards him and held his hand. She smiled sadly. "The moment you finally look like your old self is when you're leaving me. How ironic is that?"

"I'll come back, Cagalli."

Cagalli nodded. "Please . . . before you depart, I need you with me tonight. Just for tonight."

"Cagalli?"

Cagalli put her hands on his chest. Athrun's eyes widened as he realized what Cagalli meant. _Holy crap_.

"Y-Yeah, sure," Athrun stammered softly as he hugged Cagalli.

"Bring him back to me," Cagalli said. "Bring my little brother back."

"I will," Athrun said.

"And when he comes back, I'll be a better sister to him. He isn't going to hide in the middle of nowhere again. He's staying here. He's going to talk with people, converse with people, learn how to be _normal_. I'm going to make sure he never suffers again."

There was a strong determination in Cagalli's voice, even though she was speaking so softly. Athrun knew this was the Cagalli he loved so much. Someone so strong and yet she cared so much, and she wasn't going to take any crap from anyone.

A new voice entered the conversation. "I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?"

Athrun and Cagalli turned, and they saw the person.

Athrun recognized the voice, but he could barely recognize the person. Other than her hair was still undoubtedly _pink_, she looked different. This was not the pop idol she had once been. No, this was a different Lacus Clyne.

Athrun and Cagalli awkwardly separated from each other and stared at Lacus. Cagalli was the first to speak. "Your hair looks like mine."

Lacus chuckled softly, distantly. "I noticed."

Then Athrun realized Lacus had somehow found a pilot's uniform. "Lacus, what are you doing?"

"What do you think I'm doing? I'm going with you! Just give me an alias and I'll be ready."

Athrun shook his head. "Lacus, _no_. You don't belong out there on the battlefield. It isn't like you."

Cagalli nodded. "Athrun's right. You shouldn't go out there. You're not a trained pilot."

Lacus stood firm. "I destroyed an entire special ops team."

Cagalli spoke next. "The fact you can't even bring yourself to say you killed them shows how unready you are to face real war."

"That doesn't change the fact that I did it."

"You went into SEED mode. That's different!"

"Who says I can't go into SEED mode again?"

"Why do you want to? People murder without hesitation in SEED mode! I . . ." Cagalli bit her lip and looked away. "You know what I did."

"I'm not going just to fight, Cagalli," Lacus said.

"Oh really? Why?"

Lacus closed her eyes and sighed, and then seemed to be lost in thought for a second. She re-opened her eyes and spoke clearly and carefully. "There's no doubt in any of our minds that Kira is going to be inside the Destroy, wherever it is deployed. Fighting him may only lead to killing him in order to stop the Destroy. But he should listen to me. I can make him stop."

Athrun realized what Lacus meant. "You mean stop him using words, instead of shooting him down."

"That's right, Athrun," Lacus said.

Cagalli put her palm to her eyes. "Lacus, don't be an idiot. Who knows what state Kira will be in? You might never get the chance."

"I still have to try," Lacus said.

Cagalli sighed, and then stared at the ceiling for a few seconds. Athrun didn't like the plan much either but if anyone could get through to Kira, it would be Lacus, the one person who had been around him every hour, every day for the last three years. Lacus wasn't just a friend, she was Kira's confidant, a girlfriend, his likely wife when he improved enough to be acceptable for marriage.

So even though Lacus was putting her life at risk, was it really a bad thing to try?

Cagalli just shook her head. "Fine, you can go with Athrun. The base we've leased in in Crete. We will be transporting a rapid-response force by air to the island, which Athrun will command. I will come up with an alias for you, Lacus, so there isn't any confusion. I might also suggest hair dye to-"

"No hair dye," Lacus said. "Maybe a wig that I can remove, but hair dye strikes me as something that will only confuse Kira if he's in a deranged state."

"Fine," Cagalli said, holding up her hands. "A wig. And I'll pass on the Strike Rouge to you as well, you might as well have something that can give enemy forces a fight."

"Thank you," Lacus said.

Athrun knew there was a better Mobile Suit than the Strike Rouge, the Akatsuki. But Cagalli considered that Mobile Suit not only a top secret, but her personal property. Not even Lacus was worthy of that confidence, which not only surprised Athrun, but made him feel somewhat _odd_.

So why would Cagalli lie to Lacus? What shame was there in saying that only the Strike Rouge was available?

_Maybe Cagalli just doesn't trust anyone anymore._

That frightening thought persisted for several minutes, but like many frightening thoughts, was slowly forgotten at the day went on.

That night, Athrun found himself caught up in such a wave of adoration for Cagalli that the thought was completely forgotten.

After all, Cagalli loved him and trusted him.

And as long as she did that, Cagalli herself could still be trusted.

That's what mattered most of all.

* * *

Neo found, much to his surprise, that the meeting room was the interrogation cell. Meryl smiled awkwardly. "I'm sorry, but this is the only room that is completely soundproofed. The information I'm about to give both you and Captain Lee is not just highly sensitive, but also rather revealing."

Ian Lee did not look convinced. "Just get on with it."

Neo was inclined to agree with the man. Meryl had been dancing around since she arrived and acting pretty much like the commander of everyone. It wouldn't be such a problem if she actually did outrank everyone, but the lack of respect she gave some people, including Neo, was telling.

Meryl smiled sadly. "There is a good reason why your mental treatments on Stellar Loussier failed, gentlemen. She already had her memories modified to begin with. Trying to suppress manufactured memories on top of her suppressed organic memories is a recipe for disaster. You are lucky things didn't get _too_ bad with her."

"The girl had her memories suppressed once before?" Ian asked.

Meryl folded her hands. "There was a disaster in Cyprus six years ago, four years before the beginning of the last ZAFT-EA war. A task force was asked to create an ultimate soldier . . . one less unstable than the so-called 'druggies' you two may or may not have met, one superior to the Coordinators. They are, or _were_ called the Extended."

Ian Lee rubbed his brow. "We all know where this is going."

Meryl shook her head. "The program actually was becoming successful, believe it or not. I am among the elder generation, which was small, but the younger generations were progressing wonderfully as trial-and-error gave way to guaranteed formulas."

"Wait," Neo said. "You are one of these Extended?"

"Yes. Though I have been pretending to be a Slant, I am an Extended," Meryl said. She placed documents on the table. "This is proof of my story, documents collected from the Cyprus facility. You will want to look at them, it goes into far more in-depth detail than I am."

She cleared her throat. "But you are right, Captain Lee. Disaster did strike. Have either of you heard of Blue Cosmos?"

Neo searched his mind. Suddenly, he realized he _had_ heard of it, though he didn't have much idea of what they were. "I have heard the name tossed around a couple of times in passing, especially near the end of the previous war."

"They are a group formed out of the desire to exterminate all forms of genetically altered humanity," Meryl said, her voice turning dark. "They were once just a protest group, but one day, someone with the name of Djibril took over, and he transformed them into an underground political force, quickly but steadily infiltrating the highest rungs of the Earth Alliance. Six years ago, one of Blue Cosmos' infiltrators finally had enough clearance to learn about the project. Not surprisingly, it was leaked to the rest of Blue Cosmos, who decided to obliterate the facility. They got inside the head of a child named Michael to work with them to destroy the facility from within, as commandoes struck the exterior. Only about ten Extended, and one doctor, got away with their lives. Since then, those who advocated further enhancement of people have been increasingly silenced or exiled, and Blue Cosmos now almost completely dominates politics inside the Earth Alliance."

There was a long silence. Nobody said a word. Finally, all Ian Lee could say was "That's some story."

"But you have seen it, haven't you?" Meryl asked pointedly.

Ian Lee looked down just enough for his eyes to be obscured by his cap. "Somewhat."

As intrigued as Neo was by the story, he still wanted to know the answer for his own failure. "Stellar Loussier was one of those survivors. So why is she here, instead of in hiding?"

Meryl looked at Neo. "Stellar Loussier, as well as all of the other minors, had their memories suppressed, replaced with manufactured ones as they were placed quietly in society. I was one of two adult-age Extended, along with the missing Michael, who did not have their memories altered. Unfortunately, the other adult Extended was killed in the last war . . . friendly fire, if I remember correctly."

She let that hang for a moment before she spoke again. "All of Stellar's choices have been by her own free will. I do not know what motivated her to join the military. But it seems everyone considers her a Slant, so she's safe. One of the things we hid or destroyed was the roster of names, so Stellar could keep her name and still be safe."

"And why did you decide to let Stellar know of her real past?" Neo asked.

Meryl smiled slyly. "I do not tolerate insanity within the ranks."

"Be serious."

Meryl's grin faded. "In the upcoming battle, we might need Stellar at full combat capability. With her realization of her true self, her Extended abilities will be at her disposal, and she might be able to annihilate the ZAFT forces. Extended are supposed to be perfect berserkers in combat, disciplined and ruthless. Stellar, without the mental instability, could join me, and the _other_ two Extended in my squadron, and cause heavy damage."

"You have two other Extended?" Ian Lee asked.

"Ramona Card and Taylor Flannigan. The rest are Naturals or Slants."

Meryl's story made sense, as Neo briefly skimmed a couple of the documents. But not everything was tying together, and he knew it was time to ask another question. "What is a 'perfect berserker'?"

Something seemed to changed in Meryl's eyes. "There is . . . a power, of sorts. A 'sixth sense', that creates a kind of combat psychosis. When fully activated, the individual sees a seed the color of his or her eyes crumble apart, setting off the psychosis. Naturals rarely, if ever, get to access it at full capability. It's something mostly Coordinators and Slants can do . . . at the potential cost of mental and emotional stability. The Extended are meant to access this combat psychosis at will, without any side effects. It's meant to give Extended an instant combat advantage over Coordinators."

"So you Extended were basically created to be able to defeat Coordinators using this 'combat psychosis', if I have this straight," Ian Lee said.

"That's right. The Extended are the perfect soldiers, Colonel, Captain. And we will prove this in the next battle."

That final sentence left the two men in silence.

* * *

Kira stared up at the massive GUNDAM above him. Just the mere sight of it made his knees tremble. What a horrible machine. It looked ready to live up to its namesake.

That being _destroy everything in sight_.

He bit his lip and looked at Flay. "You can't seriously expect me to fly this thing, Flay! I can't do it!"

Flay looked stunned. "Like I'm going to let them force you to fly! No, from what I was told anyway, you're going to reprogram the OS. Make it possible for a Natural to fly it."

Kira breathed a sigh of relief, and held his forehead. "You scared me."

Flay put his hands on her shoulders. "Kira, I know you've been hurting. But please, do this one thing."

Kira looked back at the Destroy. "I still don't want to do even that. It's a monster. A true monster."

Flay looked back at the Destroy. "It's a weapon so powerful that I think no one will want to face it. That's why I think the Earth Alliance is going to use it, Kira. It's to end this war for good."

Kira shook his head. "No, all this will do is anger the ZAFT and then we'll have an arms race that'll never end. The ZAFT will try to make something even worse than the Destroy, and the Earth Alliance will try to outdo whatever the ZAFT create. And so many people will be killed, not just by the Destroy, but by whatever follows it. It's a nightmare, Flay."

"You're not going to fly it, Kira."

"I told you, that doesn't matter! This thing can level entire cities! Maybe even the PLANTs! Flay, I can't do this!"

"They won't let you go until you do, Kira!" Flay pleaded. Her eyes shimmered, and then she hugged him. "Kira, please . . . I just want to live my life with you. With our child. I know you're hurting. But I can try. I'm planning on going into politics like my father. I can change everything."

That was Flay. She wanted what she wanted, regardless of the consequences. Unlike her usual selfishness, though, Kira didn't feel disgusted about it at all. Who could argue with her sentiment to live with her child and the child's father in peace?

But what could he do? He couldn't in good conscience try to make the Destroy operable for any stooge who wanted to kill everything and everyone.

He had enough regrets in his life. He didn't want one more. He had failed to save so many people, and had killed so many more. If he was responsible for unleashing the Destroy . . .

Trickery.

The idea came to Kira, then. A result he could live with.

He'd make the Destroy deceptively simple to use, but make its advanced combat functions impossible to deploy. It would just be an imposing behemoth that would look impressive but practically unable to defend itself. It would be shot down, and the most damage it would cause would be whatever it landed on.

That's what he could do, and still have a chance to live with himself.

He would still be able to look his daughter in the eye and say he was a good person just like her mother always said.

Maybe.

"All right," Kira said. "I'll get to work on it."

Flay smiled emotionally. "I'm sorry, I . . . I just want to be with you."

"I know. I'll be back soon." Kira turned and walked away.

Truth was, he didn't know who he wanted to be with. The only reason why he was going with Flay was because of his daughter.

He had to choose to be with his daughter. Especially now she had seen him for the first time in her young life.

As much as he loved Lacus, he just could not abandon his child.

Not a little girl.

He was reminded of the little girl he had failed to save in that shuttle three years ago. It still haunted him to this very day, like Flay's shuttle exploding in front of him, killing Athrun's friend Nicol, Tolle's death . . .

He had failed so many people.

He could not fail his daughter.

So he walked up the stairway towards the top walkway, where he could access the oversize Destroy's cockpit. He'd make the modifications to the OS. When they tested it, they'd be able to move it, transform it, and fire very basic weaponry. That would be enough to satisfy them until they tried to use it for real.

And when they did, the Destroy would be lost forever.

He unlocked the cockpit, and prepared to go to work. He got his keyboard open. He turned on the open communications so he could speak to Flay.

The first thing he heard from Flay was a scream.

Kira turned on the video, and suddenly saw a face from the past he had never expected to see.

"Sai? What do you think you're doing?"

Sai Argyle had a gun to Flay's head. Flay had nowhere to run, and no way to defend herself.

Sai had a headset on, his voice came through loud and clear to Kira. _"I know what you're planning to do, Kira. But whatever Flay told you to do, it's not happening. The Destroy is to be sortied _now_, and you are the pilot."_

"Leave Flay out of this!" Kira shouted. "You love her too, Sai! Don't do this!"

Sai just laughed. _"You stole her away from me, Kira. And I decided that if I can't have her, no one can . . . not without meeting certain conditions, anyway."_

"You really think I'm going to fly this?" Kira shouted.

_"You will, unless you want Flay and your daughter to die. I can give them both instant heart failure with a press of a button . . . unless you do as I say."_

"You wouldn't do it," Kira said.

_"Try me. Now, you're deploying right _now_, Kira. You're needed at the Suez. Your mission is to obliterate the ZAFT convoy trying to break through there. Complete your mission . . . and Flay and Fiona will survive until the next mission. Rinse and repeat until you are no longer needed. Now give me your answer."_

"You bastard! I trusted you!" Flay shouted loud enough that the mic picked it up.

_What did Sai do?_ Kira thought, but then he realized the real issue. This was a setup planned by the Earth Alliance all along . . . whether it was on Flay as well as him, or if Flay was just acting, or even if it wasn't the real flay . . .

They just wanted him to kill because he was the Ultimate Coordinator.

Kill until there was nothing left of his kind.

That was the price he was going to have to pay in order to protect Flay and Fiona, neither of whom he could even guarantee were real.

Two lives compared to thousands of people he did not know. Potentially millions . . . potentially even the entire ZAFT population.

Was it worth it?

Kira's hands trembled at the controls. The OS was actually operable for him right now, he _could_ use it. Whoever designed this was remarkably good at this, this was Morgenroete-quality.

And now he was the pilot of a monster.

He was going to become a monster.

The monster in his nightmares . . .

Wasn't the GUNDAM he had always flown appeared so imposing, so demonic, so evil, like this behemoth?

Tears streamed down Kira's face.

It seemed he had two choices, but the truth was he didn't have any choice at all.

He made the only decision he could make.


	42. Chapter 42

**Chapter Forty-Two: Approaching Menace**

_. . . the soldier, above all other people prays for peace, for he must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war. _  
-Douglas MacArthur

It still felt strange to approach Andrew Waltfeld, such a storied and controversial man, a traitor and yet someone largely considered to have helped save the world. It was also strange to think of him as a 'colonel', when he had been a general during the last war.

But there wasn't any choice. Shiho had gotten in touch with some woman named Murrue Ramius, and the information was incredibly important, on a personal level. To Shinn, it was a mere name, a name he did not know, but maybe Andrew Waltfeld would figure something out just by the name.

What worried Shinn more wasn't the name but the machine. Shiho hadn't given him a lot of detail on the machine for whatever reason, maybe she didn't trust him and so had limited his information. But from what he had been able to glean, the machine sounded like the embodiment of destruction. And it was likely the ZAFT was going to have to face that machine very, very soon.

He saw Waltfeld, and took a deep breath. He had never gotten to speak to Waltfeld before. It had always been Shiho until now. Meyrin hadn't gotten a turn yet either in this miniature conspiracy.

"Colonel Waltfeld, sir," Shinn said, as his heart began to pound.

"Yes, Ensign Asuka?" Waltfeld asked calmly.

"Uh . . . tea sucks, sir!"

There was a pause, and then Waltfeld just laughed. "So, _you_ must be the new member Lieutenant Hassenfuss has told me about. All right, what do you have to tell me, Ensign?"

"Sir." Shinn Asuka tried his best to not seem so robotic, but he couldn't help himself. Waltfeld, even with his casual appearance, still demanded respect. He was a war hero, after all. "The Earth Alliance has a new weapon of highly destructive caliber, code-named 'Destroy'. I do not have any further information other than it might be a GUNDAM-class. The pilot is said to be Kira Yamato, sir."

Waltfeld's eyes briefly widened, and then he nodded. "I assume I am allowed to tell the captain about this?"

"Yes, sir, under the guise of having an Orb source, sir, just like always. Other than the pilot's name, anyway, sir."

"Relax, Ensign, that's too many 'sirs' in too few sentences," Waltfeld said.

"Yes, uh, sir." Shinn felt his face heat up. "Oh, and I'm also supposed to give you this, sir."

Inside were documents, and Shiho had basically threatened to kill Shinn if he opened the folder. Paranoia had won out over curiosity and Shinn had left the folder sealed.

Waltfeld nodded as he took the folder. "Thank you. Ensign, this 'Kira Yamato' is an old war buddy of mine. He's much younger than me but I still consider him a comrade. We have to assume he's doing this against his will, which means we're going to have to try to take him alive."

"Yes, sir."

"You're dismissed." Waltfeld then turned and went towards the bridge, presumably to let Talia Gladys in on the information. Shinn just breathed a sigh of relief and leaned against the wall. He had been so nervous the entire time, but it seemed no one followed him. At least-

"Boo."

Shinn leapt into the air, and his heart skipped a beat.

He spun around, and saw Meyrin, a teasing smile crossing her face. Shinn grabbed his chest and struggled to breathe. "Meyrin . . . don't do that."

Meyrin's smile turned kind. "I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. I didn't know you were _this_ nervous, Shinn."

"I was terrified! What if someone snuck on me?"

A long silence.

"Well, other than you, I mean."

Meyrin just laughed. "Shinn, I was watching your back. That's all. Oh, and I eavesdropped a little."

"Don't ask me any questions, I barely understood what Shiho told me. I know there's information inside the folder I gave Waltfeld, but Shiho said there would be a friendly fire incident in the next battle if I opened it."

Meyrin sighed. "Shiho's so prickly. I don't understand why."

_There's probably a reason, and I just don't know what yet._

Meyrin smiled and turned back towards Shinn. "Well, never mind. It's time to head to the cafeteria. Today's the return of mystery meat and grouchy Luna."

"Yay."

Meyrin giggled. "I know. C'mon, let's get it over with."

_I can't wait. I'd almost rather face that monster GUNDAM than the mystery meat._

* * *

_At the worst possible time, he saw her._

"What are you doing here?"

"I should be asking you the same question, you idiot!"

"What are you saying?"

"Are you completely blind? Or just stupid? That woman is not who you think she is! The path you are taking is the destruction of everyone! That's not why I've been contacting you this entire time!"

"You're just a dream. An illusion. Delusion. Go away."

"You continue this path, and you will kill my brother. And when you kill my brother, you seal everyone's fate. My brother is the only person who can stop what's about to come."

"What's going to come? You have never told me what's going to happen!"

A long silence.

"I thought that you, as the Ultimate Coordinator, would be the best person to protect my brother. To keep him alive. I was wrong. I need to find someone else, someone else with your supersensory abilities . . . your flashes."

"Flashes?"

"Flashes . . . of the ability to sense the emotions and feelings of others, including those who have passed. It does not have a name, and only a few people have these abilities. I think it has to do with super-strong brain waves, or something." She laughed softly, bitterly. "When you're dead you get to chat with a lot of smart dead people. You learn a lot of things."

"Shut up. Go away. You don't know how I feel, and you're just a delusion. A fiction. Something I'm unconsciously making up or something."

"You do not stop this path, and someone else will have to bear your burden."

"What?"

"It will be someone who cares deeply about you, Kira. Do you want this someone else to bear what should be yours? Or will you stop this crazy crap you're doing and protect the one person who will save this world?"

"Go away."

"Is that your final answer?"

"You're just a crazy delusion that's been driving me insane and never leaves me alone! You don't explain what crap you keep warning me about and all you do is tell me how the future will suck unless some person, who I don't know, and likely will never know, who just happens to be your brother, lives! You're nothing! Go the hell away and let me fix my problems myself!"

Another long silence.

"I tried to help you. I warned you when you were no longer safe."

"Fat lot of good it did, didn't it? I got captured anyway! And now look what I'm doing."

"You don't have to do this. All you're going to do is make everything worse, not just for everyone else but yourself."

"Go. Away."

"So you do pass your responsibility on to someone else."

"If that's what it takes for you to go away, and stop screwing with my head, so I'm finally free of these delusions, yes! Go drive someone else insane!"

"Fine. I hope you'll be pleased with yourself. The person I will contact will be in great emotional pain over what you are about to do."

"Shut up, you stupid little bitch!_" _

_She turned. "Goodbye, Kira Yamato." _

_She was gone. _

_The silence was merciful, gladdening. _

_He just laughed. _

_Laughed for what seemed of all of eternity. _

_Laughed and cried and raged and laughed some more, until he was nothing but a patchwork of emotion. _

_He honestly didn't care if she had been real, or was just delusion. _

_What was real and fake anymore?_

* * *

"Super soldiers," Ian Lee growled. "We have super soldiers who are supposed to be _dead_ onboard our ship. If one of those Blue Cosmos people find out about this we're as good as dead."

"It can't be helped at this point. And Colonel Wingate did say she is operating under the direct orders of Naomi Mitsuda herself."

"I don't trust her at all," Ian said. "I knew Naomi Mitsuda when she was my commanding officer in the last war. She played everyone against each other. A chessmaster, if you will. She tries to have it all ways and when something fails she discards it and sides with the opposing force."

The secretary-general of the EA was known for duplicity in political tactics. She was also known as a person who genuinely wanted the best for the Earth Alliance.

Which person was she? Or was she simply two-faced?

Neo didn't know the woman enough to tell, and Ian Lee's frankly biased interpretation wasn't enough to go on.

"It doesn't matter," Neo said finally. "We just have to keep our mouths shut and hope for the best. These 'Extended' could be useful in finishing off the ZAFT."

"They better," Ian said. "I'm tired of this damn war, and the idiocy of everyone. Even though I despise genetic modifications, those Extended could have won the last war for us if they had survived. That is short-sightedness."

"Again, it doesn't matter. What's done is done," Neo said.

"It _does_ matter," a new voice said. Neo turned and saw Stellar Loussier standing at the entrance to the bridge.

She looked resolute and serious, but not angry. Neo couldn't tell if there truly was no anger, or if she was merely disguising it.

"If more people realized that Extended, just like Coordinators, and just like Slants, are humans just like them . . . the last war would've been settled long ago. All the previous war was, and this one too, is a war run by genetic racists. The Naturals are subhuman, they must die or be enslaved. The Coordinators are freaks, and they need to be erased from existence. Those are the philosophies, if you can call them that, of the people who run this war on both sides."

Ian said in a low voice "Great, tell her she's superior to all of us and she thinks she's fit to lecture us."

"That's just confirming her point," Neo replied.

"Oh." Ian looked down. "Damn it."

Stellar walked over to them, and stared out through the visors showing the endless ocean in front of them. "Colonel, sir . . . I know why you did what you did. You know I won't fight Shinn Asuka. But that doesn't mean I won't fight the ZAFT. But I want to try one more time to get Shinn Asuka on our side."

Neo shook his head. "You've been charging at him ruthlessly for the last couple of weeks. He won't do it. He'll think it's a ploy to make him let down his guard."

"I know I can convince him," Stellar said. "We're going to win the next battle. Shinn won't want to die. If I can't get him to defect, at least I can get him to surrender."

"Maybe you'd be able to accomplish that much," Neo said, not seeing any reason to crush the girl's hopes any further.

Ian sighed. "Do we _have_ to discuss this right now?"

Stellar looked away. "I guess not."

Ian folded his arms, and leaned back on his captain's chair. "I'm still curious about why we haven't gotten an attack order. We're almost within range of the ZAFT convoy. Hell, if you told me to fire I could hit some of their stragglers right now."

Neo nodded. "It _is_ curious. Not that I don't mind not fighting, but the ZAFT is going to break through the Suez in roughly an hour. What are they waiting for?"

Stellar looked back out through the bridge visors. "They have something planned. Bombs, a trap. Something that's top operational secret that they can't let anyone else now."

"Obviously," Ian said. "But what? Is this another Alaska going to happen?"

Suddenly, one of the bridge lieutenants, who was normally on break at this time, charged onto the bridge. "Captain Lee! Colonel Roanoke! The ZAFT is under attack!"

"What? By who?" Ian asked.

"I have video here. Lemme bring it up."

The screen came up, and suddenly Neo saw a monster.

"What in God's name is that thing?" Ian asked, speaking the question on everyone's mind.

"I don't know!" shouted the lieutenant. "It's a massacre! Look at it!"

Neon beams shot up at every conceivable angle, and Neo could see little pyres erupt from the ocean.

"How can that thing even fly?" Ian asked.

"I just want to know what that thing is. Is it a GUNDAM? Or what?"

Stellar had her own thoughts. "Shinn, no," she uttered aloud, and turned and began to run off the bridge.

Neo grabbed her arm. "Ensign! You're not going out there!"

"That _thing_ is going to kill my boyfriend!"

"And it will kill you too, if you try to fight it!"

Ian spoke the honest truth again. "Fight it? More like being in front of a firing squad blindfolded. I say we stay out of this. I _assume_ that's one of our machines."

"You 'assume'?" Neo asked.

"Who else could be annihilating the ZAFT? Orb isn't operating in our theater right now."

"You're right," Neo said. He let go of Stellar's arm, and Stellar made a growling noise.

"You don't understand, sir. That thing isn't a war machine. It's flying genocide."

"As long as we don't get in its way I don't really care," Ian said.

"That's a heartless thing to say!" Stellar cried.

"And that's our only option!" Ian roared. "You really want us to intervene? With all of those guns, we could easily become targeted along with the ZAFT!"

The lieutenant interrupted everyone again. "My sensors indicate a significant number of ZAFT vessels are scattering in random directions. Most of them are coming right towards us. Some are sending us digital images of a white flag."

"Then take them prisoner, and tell the prize crews to treat the ZAFT sailors and pilots humanely," Ian said firmly. "Those who don't surrender, we shoot at until they do."

"Yes, sir!"

Neo watched as the video continued to play. Even though it was broad daylight, the monstrous machine was so vast it took up the entire background of the video, almost as if the scene was playing out at night.

_That better be the best-disciplined pilot in the world,_ Neo thought. _All of that power, in the hands of someone irresponsible, or ill-equipped to handle it . . . and this victory is going to become the greatest disaster since Yakin Doe and Genesis._

* * *

_It wasn't long until after she had fallen asleep that she saw the girl, standing alone in a sea of darkness._

"Who are you?"

"I am Mayu. I'm here to make a request of you."

She assumed this was just a dream. Also her curiosity was driving her insane and would wake her up unless she found out.

"What request?"

"Cagalli Yula Athha, will you protect my brother?"


	43. Chapter 43

LiuBei1986:

Kira hasn't fully lost it yet but he's almost there. I hope you and others enjoy the build-up to the climactic fight. Well, actually, it's not the climactic fight of the entire story but for this arc.

Mayu will be explained. Yes, there is a method to the madness here and how she can contact from beyond, and why she can make contact with Kira and Cagalli. As for why I chose Cagalli to be the recipient, I thought that as Kira is often portrayed as having Newtype-esque abilities it would make sense if Cagalli had them too.

Probably the reason why there's so few reviews is that the chapters got posted so quickly it made people go "oh great there's forty 50-word chapters that have to be full of typos". I have no one to blame but myself for that.

Hope you enjoy the next chapter. I'll put up 44 tomorrow, but I'd like some time for this chapter to sink in before I put chapter 44 up.

* * *

**Chapter Forty-Three: Destroy**

_There will one day spring from the brain of science a machine or force so fearful in its potentialities, so absolutely terrifying, that even man, the fighter, who will dare torture and death to inflict torture and death, will be appalled, and so abandon war forever. _  
-Thomas A. Edison

_"What the hell is that thing?"_ Lunamaria Hawke yelled as she took to the air behind Heine and Shinn. Due to a mixup thanks to the general panic on the _Minerva_, Shiho had deployed with Dearka and Rey, leaving Luna to work with these two.

Heine was remarkably still calm. _"I don't know. I'm trying to get a reading on it."_

_"It's called the _Destroy_,"_ Andrew Waltfeld said over the com. _"According to my sources, it is an extremely powerful Mobile Suit, and larger than any Mobile Suit in existence. It's powered by a nuclear reactor, so it can fight forever if it has to."_

_"How do you know this?"_ Heine asked.

_"I have contacts in the nation that built the thing: Orb."_

_"_Hippies_ built it?"_ Luna asked.

_"I think they're trying to make an ultimate weapon that would be so horrifying it would end war. Not that it matters. We need to take it out as soon as we can."_

They were getting closer, as the Destroy let loose a barrage from several of its cannons from its back. Beam swaths cut throughout the ocean, and sliced many ships in half. The _Minerva_, so far, hadn't become a target. Shinn, and everyone else here, intended to keep it that way.

_"Right. So how do we destroy the Destroy?"_ Luna asked.

A long silence. _"What? I had to say it."_

_"Luna, no quips right now,"_ Heine said. _"Our soldiers are dying back there."_

_"I can't help it. I make cracks when I'm scared."_

_"Then don't be scared."_

_"Stop saying that like it's so easy! It's not like I have a 'fear button' I can switch off!"_

A beam flashed inbetween Heine and Luna then, and there was silence on the com.

Luna finally spoke. _"Geez. If I didn't know any better I'd say the pilot's throwing a tantrum."_

_"I'm going to go in for a strike at the cockpit. We need to take it out now, and fast! Luna, Shinn, draw the Destroy's fire!"_

_"Great, a suicide mission to support a suicide mission."_

_"Luna, shut up and follow your orders!"_

_"Yessir."_

Personally, Shinn felt Lunamaria had a good point. He didn't have his Blast Silhouette due to it being damaged, which left him with the Force and the Sword. The Force was the only Silhouette that allowed him a rifle, so he was flying that into battle instead of the Sword. But now, Shinn wished he had chosen the Sword. He felt that Heine had a better chance of surviving than either Luna or Shinn.

Heine brandished his Tempest Sword and prepared for his charge._ "This is Heine Westenfluss. I'm going in. Everyone, cover me. Keep the Destroy's guns off of me!"_

_"Wait, Heine!_" Dearka shouted, but Heine turned up the thrusters and charged.

_"You want to draw the Destroy's fire first or me?"_ Luna asked. _"Please say you."_

"C'mon, Luna, or Heine's gonna die," Shinn said, and he reluctantly ignited his thrusters and began shooting at the Destroy. Much to his chagrin, the rifle wasn't doing much damage at all.

A beam came flying his way and Shinn barely dodged it. _Fast reflexes, gotta be more careful_.

Every Mobile Suit was firing at the enormous metal monster known as the Destroy, but no one was doing any discernable damage. Energy shields were popping up, causing every shot to be absorbed. The Destroy suddenly fired multiple beams at the Mobile Suit group, and ten of them, all Zakus, were blown apart in an instant.

_It's only a matter of time before one of those beams hit me,_ Shinn thought, a chill running down his spine.

More beams fired from everywhere. Even if Heine's charge took out one gun it wouldn't do much of anything to dent the Destroy's salvos. Shinn tried to aim for a specific gun on the Destroy, but then found himself locked on.

_Damn it_! Shinn did the only thing he could do: eject out of the Impulse. The Core Splendor pulled up, and barely dodged the beam salvo that annihilated the Force Silhouette.

"Meyrin, I need the Sword Silhouette! It's all I got left!" Shinn yelled.

_"Negative, Shinn Asuka! You're out of this battle! We're not going to risk the last functioning part of the Impulse!_" Talia Gladys yelled, before Meyrin had a chance to speak.

"I need to help-"

Before Shinn could finish, he heard a wild, horrified scream over the com. Heine's voice. Shinn turned, and suddenly he saw a turret erupt from the Destroy's _mouth_, right as Heine had been about to behead the Mobile Suit. The Destroy fired and a gigantic beam flashed out of the turret, vaporizing the middle section of the GOUF Ignited. Including the cockpit.

The GOUF Ignited, its engine vaporized as well, simply fell steadily towards the ocean, a hollowed, burned husk.

_Heine_.

Shinn just stared into the distance as Heine's smoking GOUF splashed into the ocean. The Destroy fired again, and beams flashed all around, tearing across the ocean, slicing Mobile Suits and cruisers alike in half.

_How can anyone fight that thing?_

Waltfield's voice came over the com. _"All Zakus and GOUFs, I have radar signatures of incoming Daggers and Skygraspers from opposing land forces. You can't fight the Destroy, you're not fast enough. Let the Savior and I handle it."_

Shinn made a growling noise. "Captain, I have to-"

_"No, Shinn. You can't,"_ Talia Gladys said. "_We need you for later. I can't risk all three GUNDAMs to the Destroy."_

_"Shinn, please,"_ Meyrin begged, and Shinn sighed.

"Fine."

He turned the Core Splendor, and made course for the _Minerva_, which seemed to be sneaking by the Destroy along with a small minority of the fleet. Shinn wondered if the captain was being cowardly, but he shook off those thoughts. Captain Gladys was just doing what she had to stay alive. As long as one ship, _one_ ship stayed standing . . .

* * *

It would keep drawing Earth forces away from the final front, in South America. Keep Earth from concentrating in space.

Keep hopes of a rescue.

The Destroy never noticed the Core Splendor as it flew into the hangar bay, and Shinn wondered if he'd ever get another chance at fighting the Destroy.

He knew he would, if the _Minerva_ did manage to sneak away.

He could easily be fighting it by himself . . .

Andrew Waltfeld saw his orders were being heeded. The Zakus broke away, and that left Justice and Savior facing Destroy.

_All right, you idiot. You shooed away all your backup. Now you have to keep Kira preoccupied . . ._

He had been warned that the boy would likely be mentally unstable. He wondered if he'd be able to comprehend any word Andrew said. But he had to try to talk Kira down. If he couldn't, he'd have to . . .

He didn't want to consider the prospect of shooting Kira down, which would kill him. The Destroy was powered by a nuclear reactor. If it went down, it would cause a massive explosion that would annihilate the surrounding area, make the water boil, vaporize anything that was too close.

Of course, the same went for Andrew. He had a nuclear reactor strapped to his back too.

Dearka came on._ "Colonel, I've got about twenty minutes before I have to fall back. You going to talk him down or shoot?"_

"I'll try to hail him," Andrew said grimly. Adding an exclamination point to the urgency, the Destroy fired again, directing most of its shots at the Justice. Waltfield barely weaved his way around the fire, and he took a moment to catch his breath.

_If I can get him to talk, at least he's not going to be shooting at me,_ he thought.

He turned on the open com, short frequency. Hopefully nobody around was thinking about listening in, as this was an unsecure line. Considering how desperate the situation was, Andrew doubted anyone would be on an insecure line, instead sticking to their military channels. He sent out the hailing code, and waited.

_C'mon, kid, I know you're being forced into this. Pick up, damn it._

He finally heard a soft voice. _"Who is it?"_

That was definitely Kira's nasal, youthful voice.

Andrew sighed. "It's me, kid. Dearka's here too, in the Savior. What the hell are you doing in there?"

A long silence. Kira, however, did not shoot back. The Destroy just kept hovering just above the water. It was so massive, however, that Andrew felt like he was staring at a giant despite being fairly high up from sea level.

Kira finally spoke. _"I have no choice, Waltfeld, sir."_

_"_You always have a choice, kid."

_"I have people I need to protect."_

"I'm trying to protect a whole damn navy."

_"I have to protect my daughter."_

Andrew's eyes widened. _You've gotta be kidding me_.

Dearka actually blurted out his surprise._ "That's news. Since when did you have a daughter? You got together with Lacus or something, Kira?"_

_"It's my child with Flay,"_ Kira said._ "Flay's going to die . . . and so is my child, if I don't fight. Please, Waltfield, sir. Get away from here. I need to destroy the entire fleet, but that doesn't mean shooting down every Mobile Suit. Just the ships."_

"I can't do that, kid," Andrew said. "I have an unborn child myself. I understand how you feel-"

_"No, you don't!_" Kira cried.

Dearka chimed in again. _"Kira, if I have it right, Flay Allster _died_ in Jachin Doe. I saw the shuttle explosion from Buster. No one could have survived that."_

_"She did! She's been at my side the last week! She showed me my daughter! She has my eyes!"_

_He's about to go off,_ Andrew thought.

_"You know there is a fake Lacus, right?"_ Dearka said. _"That's what that Flay is. She's a fake Flay, Kira. She's playing you."_

_"Stop it! You're lying to me!"_ Kira yelled.

Dearka continued to speak. _"You're being tricked, Kira. Flay Allster is dead, and they're using a fake to manipulate you. I can't explain the child, but who says they don't have your genes or Flay's in storage somehow?"_

"Shut up!" The Destroy fired, and the Savior barely dodged an all-out salvo directed at it. In fact, it looked like the Savior had gotten scratched multiple times, considering it had burn marks on both of its legs and one of its arms.

Kira was clearly crying as he shouted at both Andrew and Dearka. _"Stop lying to me! There's no way! They can't do that! There's no way!"_

_"Geez,"_ Dearka grumbled.

Andrew decided to take control of the conversation before Kira lost it again. "Kid, you need to calm down. This isn't going to help anyone."

_"S-Stop talking to me,"_ Kira said._ "I can't take this anymore. Just go away. I don't want to kill either of you."_

_"Kira, we can't do that. There's thousands of lives at stake," _Dearka replied. _"You've already slaughtered half the fleet just by yourself. Isn't that enough?"_

_"Please stop. Stop, stop, stop it,_" Kira moaned.

Andrew readied himself. "Kid, you can stop right now, and be taken prisoner, and I'm sure we can work something out with Cagalli, okay? You'll be able to head back home again."

_"You're lying to me. I get captured now, I'll be executed. I'm going to die and that'll leave my child with no father,"_ Kira said. There was a quiet, emotional intensity in his voice that suggested he was about to strike.

"That won't happen," Andrew said. "Cagalli will make sure that won't happen."

Kira laughed tearfully, bitterly. _"Cagalli doesn't care about me. She barely even knows I exist. She won't stick her neck out for me. I'm as good as dead to her."_

Andrew tried another tack. He knew the more he kept Kira talking, the more ships and Mobile Suits would be able to escape. Even if it turned into a duel to the death, at least he and Dearka would take solace in that they had bought the fleet precious minutes to flee.

"What about Lacus Clyne?" Andrew asked. "I am sure Lacus will intervene for you."

_"No one will believe that's her," _Kira said. _"They'll think she's an imposter. And why would she try to protect me? I can't be with her anymore, I have a child with someone else."_

Dearka made a growling noise and before Andrew could stop him Dearka yelled at Kira. _"Stop pitying yourself, Kira! Wake up and realize we're trying to save your ass!"_

_"I told you to shut up!"_ Kira fired again, and this time the beams focused on the Savior connected before Dearka could get completely out of the way. A leg got sheared off completely, and the Savior's left arm was sparking, with loose wires hanging out of the burnt sheet metal.

Now the Destroy was turning, bearing down on the Savior. _"That's it! You're nothing but a liar! Stop messing with my head!"_

"Dearka, get out of here!" Andrew shouted. He then did the only thing he could think of: fire on the Destroy.

The Destroy's energy shields activated and absorbed the shots, the colorful shields vibrating as the energy blasts became nothing. The Destroy veered back around and stared at the Justice.

_This is going to be rough._

Dearka came on. _"You can't fight that thing by yourself, Colonel._"

"You just lost a leg and your left arm is unuseable. Get out of here while the Savior is still fixable," Andrew said. "I'll have to fight Kira by myself. I have no choice."

_"Colonel, I-"_

"Remember what we're doing."

A pause. _"Yes, Colonel. It's been an honor, sir."_

_Damn it, do you have to say it like I'm going to die? I'm not planning on dying here today. Not to this kid._

The Savior transformed into its Mobile Armor incarnation and took off, leaving Andrew Waltfeld alone against the titanic Destroy.

And the Destroy fired.

_I really wish I had both my eyes._ Andrew weaved throughout the heavy barrage, but he knew he couldn't do it forever. The Justice was powerful, and maneuverable, and could fight forever like the Destroy. But Andrew only had his right eye. He was completely blind to his left, and if Kira had any brains left in that messed-up mind of his, he would take advantage of that quickly.

The Justice let loose with the Lupus Beam Rifle, firing away at the Destroy, but the shields continued to hold.

_Come to think of it, I wish I had the Meteor right about now too._ He tried the beam cannon attached to the back of the Justice next, but it didn't do much better, the shots being absorbed and merely causing the colorful shields to tremble.

Kira spoke again on the com._ "I have too much to lose, Waltfield, sir! I have to do this! I can't take it if . . . if I lose Flay again!"_

"Damn it kid, you know you have Lacus waiting for you back at Orb," Andrew replied. "You realize you'll be killing her when she finds out you're doing this?"

The Destroy seemed to freeze in mid-air. _That resonated with him._

"Lacus has cared for you all this time, kid. For the last three years, since the end of the last war, she has sacrificed everything, her career, her fame, her influence . . . just because she loves you and wants to live in peace with you. You're going to throw all of that away on a whim?"

Kira made some stammering noises on the com. Finally, he managed some coherency. _"I-It's my child, Waltfield, sir."_

"Stop this madness and we'll figure out a way," Andrew replied. "Now come on. You've killed enough today."

Kira made more noises, and Andrew realized Kira wasn't just stammering, he was crying. The young man was completely falling apart in there.

_"I-I can't. If I do they'll die,"_ Kira said.

"Kid, there's no guarantee they're real."

_"They have to be! If they're not then I've done this for nothing!"_ Kira wailed.

The Destroy's cannons powered back on, and Andrew realized Kira was approaching the point of no return. Now the madness could be understood. Kira was so fervently believing that Flay Allster and this daughter, 'Fiona', were real, that even if they were nothing but a fantasy, an illusion, that he could not consider the chances of them being fake, elaborate props.

"Stop this, kid!" Andrew shouted, forcing as much of an authoritative voice as he could. "You keep fighting and you'll only hurt yourself!"

_"I don't care! I have to do this, Waltfeld, sir!"_

The Destroy fired relentlessly.

Andrew tried to dodge the barrages, but by the third salvo his weakness by having only one eye became too much. Finally, he got clipped in the left side, and went spiraling in the air, the left side of the Justice thoroughly zinged.

Andrew reached and grabbed both of the Justice's LaCerta beam sabers. _I'll rush the chest area and dislodge the cockpit the hard way. It's my only chance._

Andrew accelerated the Justice and charged, weaving throughout the beams. As long as none of them went into his larger-than-usual blind spot he could make it. Even if all he did was take out the shields he'd be buying the fleet precious time, and perhaps prevent the Destroy from being deployed again for a while.

But then, Andrew felt something horribly wrong.

He didn't see it coming, but something smashed into the left leg of Justice, right in the blind spot. Warning klaxions blared throughout the cabin as Andrew lost control of the Justice, and barely steadied himself before he was shot _again_ by the Destroy, losing his machine's right arm.

In desperation, Andrew poured on the thrusters and kept charging anyway, even down an arm. There was no way he could pull back. The Destroy would chase him right towards the _Minerva_, and Andrew couldn't do that. Too many people important were on that ship.

He was going to have to kill Kira in order to end this.

Lacus, Cagalli, Athrun . . . heck, probably _everybody_ wouldn't want to acknowledge him again. Maybe even Murrue.

But he had no choice, no options.

He carefully angled his smoking, damaged Justice so his right eye could see every move made by the Destroy. He charged, weaving around so much the G-forces nearly made him blind.

Almost there.

But then he was shot. One more time.

The Justice had been shot right below the cockpit, and the shot had hit the nuclear reactor. It was completely unstable now, and was losing power. Andrew lost control for good now, and found the Justice helplessly falling towards the ocean.

_I couldn't do it. I couldn't even get close._

He looked up at the imposing behemoth, now seeming to peer at him in a almost-curious way. The machine blurred as Andrew hit the water, and shimmered into ungodly, nonsensical shapes.

The reactor started going critical as the Justice began to sink. _I don't think I'll be escaping this one. Looks like you finally got me, kid._

Ten seconds until meltdown, and the explosion.

_Someone else is going to have to save you. Save you from yourself._

Five seconds.

_Murrue, I'll keep watch over our child, okay?_

Four.

_I'll make sure she'll never be unguarded._

Three.

_Dearka, keep up the plan. Don't give up on it. We'll get our answers soon._

Two.

_Aisha . . . looks like I'll be seeing you sooner than I thought._

One.

_For the rest of you people . . . I'm a patient man. I don't need the company for now. Stay alive._

The explosion annihilated Andrew Waltfield in an instant, and a colossal spray of water erupted from the ocean, spraying everywhere.

It was so powerful ships rocked and fish died just from the disturbance.

So ended the GUNDAM Justice, permanently.

* * *

The angel applauded as the video of the GUNDAM Justice's demise was broadcast. The test run had been a unquestionable success. It was time to deploy the thing properly. The Destroy could annihilate a PLANT in a single shot. What better way to rid the world of Coordinators other than using one of their own to wipe them all out?

He immediately got into contact with his frontline base in Athens, where the Destroy had been launched from. "Magnificent test run, Sword Base. That had to be over 70% of that annoying fleet. Bring her home. It's time the Destroy was used for something less . . . recreational."

There was a long silence. _"Yes, Lord Djibril. It was a brilliant idea, launching the Destroy a day early. It prevents Mitsuda's plan from going forward, preventing needless casualties."_

"Wait, what? Repeat what you said, soldier."

Now the angel was confused. The operation _wasn't_ meant for today, now that he thought about it. He glanced at his notes and reports. The angel's eyes became wide as he realized that the soldier had said the truth. The Destroy's first deployment _had_ been set for tomorrow.

"Who changed the operation, soldier?"

_"Uh, it was a man named General Sai Argyle. He said he came under your orders. Something seemed suspicious about him, but he presented proper papers and he checked out."_

The angel froze. Now he was angry. He had been circumvented. "I know no man named Sai Argyle! Arrest him immediately! He is interfering with the plan!"

_"Yes, Lord Djibril. That will be done immediately."_

The angel bit his finger. He needed the taste of wine more than ever, now. His plan had been interfered with. The Destroy was being manipulated by some insipid _punk_ from who-knows-where. But why?

He knew he wasn't going to like the answer. There had been a leak in security, and the angel knew that the plan was being sabotaged. But why? That was what the angel couldn't figure out. Why was the plan being interfered with? And what motivated this man into doing this?

Suddenly, it occurred to the angel.

_The pilot is not mentally stable_.

Sai Argyle's mission was to break Kira Yamato, and either make the pilot shut down completely, or drive him into an unstoppable rage no one could stop.

Now it was imperative Argyle was found. Before it was too late . . . and everything the angel had worked so hard for was so fittingly, ironically . . .

Destroyed.


	44. Chapter 44

LiuBei1986: There was no point in shutting down the reactor, the Justice was sinking like a rock in the middle of the ocean. I didn't have Waltfeld think about it but I think he's the type of man who'd prefer being vaporized over drowning.

As for Sai . . . the answer as to why he's doing this is known in this chapter. You're a little bit off on Sai's motivation here. But yeah, Djibril's plan got totally screwed up like his plans always were in the original Destiny. XD Though in this case Djibril's failure is . . . let's just say, bad. Really, really, bad.

I used to be an English major, I know every synonym to about every word in existence. XD I'm full of useless words nobody can understand.

Anyway, enjoy the new chapter.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Forty-Four: Descent Into Madness**

_We are born with the dead: See, they return and bring us with them._  
T.S. Eliot, **Little Giddling**

The leased Crete base looked like it had seen better days, but it still looked serviceable to Athrun Zala. It was in a good strategic position, and most importantly, it could hold Mobile Suits, not just Skygraspers like all too many of the bases in the area.

Athrun got off the transport plane, and took a deep breath. He had never imagined going back to war yet again. Every time it seemed he would escape it he kept getting dragged back into conflict.

But now it was personal. Now he was fighting to save his best friend. From _himself_, no less.

Lacus Clyne left the transport behind him. The brown-haired wig was enough to cover all traces of her natural pink hair, and made her look almost pedestrian. She had also husked and deepened her voice a bit so fans of her music wouldn't recognize it, she had practiced the harsher voice the whole trip next to Athrun.

Her voice just sounded _strange_ now. It sounded realistic enough, but it wasn't Lacus Clyne. Lacus' voice had always been soft, smooth, kind. The huskier voice sounded more like the voice of a soldier, a fighter, someone who just plain wasn't Lacus.

But then, she wasn't supposed to be Lacus. She was . . . Athrun uncomfortably realized he had forgotten her alias, _again_.

"Uh, pilot," Athrun said awkwardly to Lacus. "What's your name again?"

"Lieutenant Aurielle Strand, sir," Lacus said in that strange voice of hers.

"Oh, right. I need you to give me a status report on the, uh, unloading of the Mobile Suits. Double time."

"Yes, sir." Lacus had paid close enough attention to the way soldiers moved that she did a good impression of it. But that's what it was, an impression. Like she was an actress on the stage, or on a movie set, not like a real soldier.

If people looked at her too closely they would see that Lacus just was not quite like them. Then there would come the questions. And this whole thing could explode.

Athrun realized that Cagalli had probably realized that. It would explain why she had been so reluctant, and kept trying to talk Lacus out of it literally up until the moment Lacus boarded the transport plane. Among a zillion other reasons.

Lacus, speaking of her, came running back. "The Mobile Suits are ready to deploy any time, sir. Including the Freedom."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. I need a meeting with you _now_, regarding the Strike Rouge."

"Yes, sir."

Athrun led Lacus to a private room in one of the hangars. Lieutenant Karen Walsh, the pilot from Junius Seven just a couple of weeks ago, had already prepared the room into a strategy center. Walsh was one of the pilots privy to the plan, though, like everyone else, she was not privy to Lacus' true identity.

After dismissing Walsh, Athrun sighed with relief as he and Lacus were left alone.

Lacus returned to her normal voice, it sounded ragged and tired. "Water. Now."

"Here you go." Athrun tossed Lacus a bottle, she briefly fumbled with it before she caught it.

Lacus swallowed half the bottle in one sip. She gasped for air, and shook her head. "Thank you. I can't keep talking like this. It'll destroy my voice if I do this for too long."

"Your idea."

Lacus frowned. "Thanks for reminding me. Now, why do you want me in here?"

"This is the battle plan for you. You stay the _hell_ out of the way unless you're specifically ordered to engage, got it? I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but you're not a combat pilot. You're here to snap Kira out of it. Leave the real fighting to the professional soldiers."

"Athrun, I already know this. What's the _real_ reason you want to talk to me privately?" Lacus swallowed the rest of her water then, as Athrun pondered his answer.

"Are you really sure you can save Kira?"

Lacus' eyes widened softly, and then she looked away. Her eyes shimmered a bit. "I . . . I hope so. There's never a guarantee, but I know Kira will listen to me. He's always listened to me . . ."

Her lips trembled, and she violently shook her head. "I just hope he's not too far gone. If he's killed, I . . . what would I have sacrificed so much for? I'm not _me_ anymore. I'm a killer. I can't sing, I can't teach, I can't do anything right now. I'm just a killer."

"Don't say that, Lacus. You're just beating yourself up."

Lacus sighed. "You're probably right. I guess, if I tried hard enough, I could find my voice again. I wrote a song for those kids, but perhaps even more for Kira, called 'Fields of Hope' . . . I haven't been able to sing it yet to anyone, not even Kira."

"What's it sound like?" Athrun asked.

"I wrote it so it could sound good stripped down. You know how my producers would surround my songs with walls of sound? They wanted the maximum amount of appeal. There's synths and techno beats in for the dance floor. Guitars, live drums, and bass for those who like more of a rock sound. Strings and piano for those who like a more orchestral flavor. Sometimes all of this would be in the same song. And my lyrics, even if I originally wrote them, would always be ghostwritten by an army of songwriters to appeal to just about anyone. I just wanted to write something for me . . . and for Kira . . . and for those children. Something I could just perform by myself. Something I could do a cappella or with one instrument, probably a piano or an acoustic guitar. "

"You want to sing it to Kira, once we find him?" Athrun asked.

Lacus smiled, and tears formed in her eyes. "If I can find my voice again, yes. I'd like him to be the first to hear it."

She chuckled softly and wiped her eyes. "Why am I even talking about this? What a stupid thing to discuss."

"I think the reason you're talking about it is because you're still you. You're still Lacus. That unique _thing_ that makes you Lacus hasn't gone away," Athrun replied.

Lacus nodded, and finally sighed. "All right, we should get together with the rest of the squadron. We need to locate Kira immediately so we can plan the offensive. Hopefully we can do this without Mobile Suits, a nice stealth mission."

"That's what I'd like," Athrun said. "Fighting the Destroy would be a nightmare. I-"

Then Karen Walsh busted in. "Colonel Zala!"

_I forgot my name's public knowledge now,_ Athrun thought. Athrun stood up. "Yes, Lieutenant Walsh?"

"You should know this, sir! The Destroy's been deployed at the Suez! The ZAFT fleet has taken eighty percent casualties and is scattered across the Aegean and near Cyprus! The Destroy seems to be en route to Athens!"

"Athens?" Lacus blurted, barely changing her voice in time.

Karen nodded. "Athens. It seems to be based there. It flew by Crete right before we landed."

Lacus couldn't say a word, and she just sat back down, her eyes widened. Athrun knew why, he had felt a sudden chill with Karen's words too. They had already been so close to Kira, and they had never realized it.

But what was more worrisome was that Kira had wiped out nearly an entire ZAFT fleet. A _big_ ZAFT fleet. Thousands upon thousands of soldiers were dead because of Kira. And the rest were not going to be able to survive for very long, which meant even more deaths would be Kira's responsibility.

Athrun bit his lip. "All right, gather the team. We're going to prepare to move _tonight_. We're getting into Athens and finding the base where the Destroy is based at. We're nabbing the pilot and sabotaging the Destroy ASAP."

"Yes, sir!" Karen barked, and she took off, before doing a double take and stopping. "Here, sir?"

"Yes, here," Athrun said.

"Thank you, sir!" Karen took off at a dead sprint then, and Athrun collapsed in his chair.

_Kira . . . what would possess you to kill so many people?_

He shook his head.

_I just can't figure out why.

* * *

_

The _Minerva_ was limping. It turned out the Destroy _had_ struck the ship, though it had only been a graze. That graze, however, had nearly exploded an engine, and even now it was much too damaged and dangerous to run at full power. The surviving pilots of the previous battle were now on the bridge, where Talia Gladys, standing up in front of her captain's chair, was addressing them all.

"Chairman Durandal was not able to get Israel to publicly commit to an alliance. That defeat yesterday made the Israelis back off, not surprisingly. However, Israel is still willing to stealth-extract Mobile Suit pilots. Ships and large transport aircraft are out of the question. Every one of your pilots' mission now is to escape the Aegean and head to Tel Aviv. Your batteries, as long as you don't fire a shot, should have enough power to make it to the designated landing point at the Tel Aviv base."

"What do you mean, 'as long as you don't fire a shot'?" Dearka asked.

"From here, making it to Tel Aviv in a Mobile Suit is by the skin of your teeth," Talia replied. "Even one shot fired could earn you a trip to the bottom of the ocean instead of safe landing at Tel Aviv. "

Every one of the pilots looked at each other. Shinn felt extremely uncomfortable with this situation. This ship, and everyone on it, was being left to die or be taken prisoner, while those who had the most dangerous job, the job that could mean instant death, got to escape.

Then he realized what else that meant.

Meyrin was being left behind too.

But he couldn't outright name Meyrin. He'd let Luna do that. Lunamaria looked downright rebellious right now, like _hell_ she was going to leave Meyrin here. Shinn would support Luna when the inevitable outburst happened, but he wasn't going to take the lead. Meyrin was still more Luna's battle than his.

"Isn't there any way we can extract more important crew members? I know it'll be a cramped fit, ma'am, but I think my cockpit could cram one or two people in besides me," Shinn said.

"Too dangerous," Talia said immediately. "If you are forced into a fight by a EA patrol, any occupants in the cockpit will make fighting much more difficult and cumbersome. It will just get you killed."

"I won't have it," Luna growled softly.

"What is it, Lieutenant Hawke?" Talia asked.

"I _said_ I won't have it. I am not leaving my sister," Luna said.

"I can't leave her here either," Shinn added.

Talia sighed. "The _Minerva_ can't fight for very long. We're low on ammunition and the damaged engine, for all intents and purposes, means we can't retreat. The smoke billowing from the engine means we can't even hide. Once everyone is away, I will be arranging for this ship's surrender to the Earth Alliance. There's an island nearby where there's a beach for the _Minerva_ to land on. We will land there, and make our stand until we can arrange acceptable surrender terms."

"That doesn't answer my question!" Luna yelled.

Talia's eyes narrowed. "I assure you, Meyrin will be much safer as a P.O.W. than she is right now."

Meyrin, from her station, chimed in. Her voice was so defeated that Shinn couldn't even look at her. "Don't worry about me, Luna, Shinn. I'll be all right. I accepted this when I volunteered, after all."

It hadn't occurred to Shinn until now that the only soldiers below the age of seventeen that ZAFT would conscript would be volunteers. He had never thought of Meyrin as the type to volunteer for the military. He looked at Luna, and Shinn realized she was the same age he was: seventeen.

What if Luna had gotten conscripted and Meyrin had volunteered so she could be with his sister instead of being alone somewhere?

The more Shinn thought about it, the more it seemed likely.

Luna made a growling noise. "Don't be stupid, Meyrin! I told you I would protect you, and that's the way it's going to stay!"

Luna marched right up to Talia Gladys. "I'm staying, whether it's in my Mobile Suit, or in the brig. I don't care which."

Talia stared at Luna for what seemed like an eternity, before she finally spoke, without breaking eye contact. "Fine. If that is what you wish."

Before Shinn could speak to volunteer to stay as well, _Rey_ of all people spoke up. "Captain, Lieutenant Hawke can't defend the _Minerva_ by herself. I am volunteering to assist her. Ensign Asuka and Lieutenant-Colonel Elsman are flying the GUNDAMs, they can't stay. Everyone else is going to be needed to protect the GUNDAMs so they make it if no one else can."

Talia Gladys shook her head. "You're a fool."

Rey did not waver. "I'm not one to let someone fight alone."

Talia sighed, and she rubbed her forehead. "Fine. You're staying. But _everyone_ else is going, and I will _tie_ you all with duct tape into your cockpits and set the auto-pilots for Tel Aviv if I have to. That goes _double_ for you, Elsman, and you, Asuka."

Dearka saluted. "Yes, ma'am. I will make preparations to leave immediately."

Shinn looked at Luna, who was still standing resolutely, to Meyrin, who was looking at the ground. She knew he wanted to stay.

Talia looked at everyone. "Mobile Suit charging will be completed in 0400 hours. 0330 from now, we will make our crash-land on a beach I've surveyed. The moment the dust settles, I want all of you pilots in your Mobile Suits and ready to take off for Tel Aviv."

She turned to Luna and Rey. "Last chance to change your minds."

Neither spoke.

Talia nodded. "Fine." She cleared her throat. "You are all dismissed."

Shinn looked for Meyrin as everyone scattered about, but she was gone from her station within seconds. He tried to find her, but she had vanished. Clearly she was crying somewhere.

_Meyrin . . ._

Shinn knew what he had to do. He had to find her. At least say goodbye.

_I have three and a half hours to find her. That should be enough to find her, right? It's not like this ship is the size of that Destroy._

And so Shinn left the bridge and began his final, self-assigned mission onboard the_ Minerva_.

* * *

_I'm a murderer._

Kira could barely maintain his focus as he flew through the air, maneuvering his bulky, oversize Mobile Suit towards its destination: Athens. The great, classic city stood before him in all of its glory, and Kira wondered what would happen if it were set on fire.

If people were burning and crying and disintegrating.

If the classic architecture was transformed into rabble.

That the few survivors would look at the sky with such hatred they would spend their entire lives trying to exact revenge on the world for their dead city.

He was almost tempted to do it. The power at his control just did not seem real. It was completely unbelievable, to do what he had done.

He didn't want to believe he had done all of that. Had killed Waltfeld. Had slaughtered all of those people.

It was easier to think all he had done was a training exercise. That it had just been a simulation. That's what he wanted to believe. That was how he could live with himself for what he had done. Just a training exercise.

But as much as he wanted to believe it, he knew it was not true. That had been no training simulation. He had really . . .

He buried his face in his hands. There was no going back. Killing Waltfeld was the ultimate betrayal of all of his friends, all of those who had cared for him. They would never want to see him again. Especially Murrue, who had always supported him no matter what.

They all had to hate him.

But it was all right. He could just be with Flay. Flay and Fiona. That's why he had done this. He could live with them now. He had to be just strong enough to not cry every day and they'd accept him. He had no one else to go to, not after this.

But knowing that everyone had to despise him now made him feel chillingly alone. If Flay and Fiona were to be alienated too . . .

Kira landed the Destroy on the military base, and concentrated on breathing. The moment he saw Flay and Fiona again, and he would be okay. All he needed to see were their faces, all he needed to hear were their voices . . .

Then he heard a voice. _"Naughty naughty, Kira."_

_Sai_. Kira looked at the screen that emanated in front of him. There he was, still holding Flay hostage.

"Sai, I did what you said," Kira said softly.

_"No, you didn't. You let some escape, Kira."_

Kira's eyes widened. _That means . . . _

Sai's grin became wide. _"That's right."_

Then he pressed the button.

It was only a few seconds, but then Kira saw Flay's eyes widen, and then she slumped out of sight, her hands clutching her chest.

He froze completely.

Sai just sighed. _"I can't believe you thought that was Flay, Kira."_

Kira couldn't respond.

He just gave Kira a knowing look._ "Seriously, how messed up are you to believe that was Flay and she had a baby girl? It was too good to be true. I can't believe you bought it."_

"They . . . they were . . ."

_"I made them myself. I hijacked a general's clearance to get access to, let's just say, _nanomachines_ of a sensitive nature. I used them with file genetics from Flay to create a new Flay. And, because I knew Flay rather intimately because I was once due to marry her, I could give her all of the memories the real Flay would have. That poor woman sincerely believed she was Flay."_

He chuckled. _"I could make and remake Flay forever if I wanted to."_

"Why?" Kira rasped.

_"Why, Kira? Because I _hate your guts. _You ripped Flay away from me, then abandoned her, and then let her die in outer space! You're the reason she's no longer alive, Kira! It's all _your_ fault!"_

_Shut up . . . you don't understand. Nobody understands._

_"That's right, Kira! You killed all of those soldiers for absolutely nothing! How does it feel?"_

_Shut up . . . shut up . . . shut up . . . _

_"You're a monster, Kira! I just turned you into one! A genocidal monster!"_

_This isn't real . . . it can't be real . . . I must be already dead . . ._

Sai took a deep breath and exhaled. _"So, Kira, what are you going to do about it?"_

_Maybe I'm in hell. This is all hell._

_"Come on, Kira. Stop spacing out on me. What're you gonna do?"_

_Maybe if I kill everything I'll find out._

_"Gonna cry, Kira? Cry the way you always did, on your bed? Or are you going to snap, at long last?"_

_Everyone should just die. They'd be better off that way._

_"Give me your answer, Kira. I haven't got all day."_

_I deserve to be alone. No one wants me. No one loves me. Everyone just hates me. I should die alone. Everyone would be better off without me._

Kira gritted his teeth and tears poured from his eyes.

_Everyone should just die.

* * *

_

Sai Argyle smiled as the flames grew higher and higher. The power of the Destroy was in full force now, and it was glorious. The Aufprall Dreizehn cannons were blasting everywhere, the Super Scylla cannons were tearing the ground apart and levelling every building in sight.

_That's right, Kira. You've walked into the final phase of my revenge against you._

The guards were coming to arrest him. His cover had finally been blown. It didn't matter. Everyone was going to die here.

_You're going to go down as the ultimate monster, Kira. You'll destroy everything and everyone until some lucky pilot finally kills you. You'll die in pain, all alone, and hated by all, and the few who don't hate you will just pity you._

The heat was getting closer as the Destroy continued to make every building explode and crumble into flattened piles of rubble. It would not be long, maybe minutes, before the Destroy would wipe out all of Athens. And then . . . who knew what would happen next? Maybe he would rampage across all of Europe? Or fly out to the open sea and terrorize the military fleets still battling in the Aegean nearby?

_You fell for it all. In the end, you're just a pathetic mess of a person. Serves you right, for all of the people you failed in the last war. Now you get to fail all of Earth._

The building next door exploded, and the force was enough to blow out all of the windows inside. Sai felt his body get cut repeatedly by the falling glass, but he just ignored it all. He had no further purpose in life now, and soon, it would all be over.

The ultimate irony? Sai had not yet killed the child who believed she was Kira's daughter. She was just some random kid picked up in South America, the daughter of some ZAFT military officer. Using a combination of Flay's file genetics and fresh ones from cyro-frozen Kira, he had transformed that girl into "Fiona".

That girl was going to believe that Daddy killed her.

The Destroy came upon the final building. The soldiers behind Sai all screamed in panic and tried to run away. There was no point. They were dead.

Everyone here was dead. They just didn't know it yet.

The Destroy fired, and Sai's final goal was about to be achieved.

_And now, I get to see the real Flay._

The beam vaporized Sai, and he would eventually find out whether he would ever see the real Flay . . .

The building collapsed, and those who survived the beam were crushed by the flaming ruins.

And so Sai's funeral pyre was created.


	45. Chapter 45

**Chapter Forty-Five: Commence Destruction**

_Alone, alone, all all alone,  
Alone on a wide open sea!  
And never a saint took pity on  
My soul in agony._  
-Samuel T. Colenridge, _The Rime of the Ancient Mariner_

It had taken Shinn over two hours, but when he had finally given up and returned to his room, he finally found Meyrin. She was sitting on his bed, holding Mayu's slightly burned teddy bear in her hands.

Meyrin looked up at him as Shinn entered the room. "I think you want this. It belongs to your sister, right?"

"Uh, yeah, it does," Shinn replied.

Meyrin smiled. "You should take it with you. I know how much this means to you."

She placed the bear in his hands. Meyrin took a deep breath, and sighed. "I'm okay, Shinn. I'm done with the war. That's not a bad thing, is it?"

Shinn bit his lip. "I'm sure I can still sneak you out."

"I'm sure you could. And I don't think anyone would stop you," Meyrin said. "But Luna's staying now. I was afraid she was going to do that. I can't exactly leave now and force Luna to fight for nothing. She's only here to protect me."

"She really loves you," Shinn said.

Meyrin nodded. "Lunamaria and I aren't that different from you and Mayu in many ways. Except our familial drama was about absent parents, not bigotry and murder. Luna practically raised me."

"How? She's only two years older than you," Shinn replied.

Meyrin shook her head. "I didn't say she knew what she was doing."

Shinn smiled at that, but Meyrin, after a brief grin, just sat back down on the bed. Shinn sat beside her and wrapped his left arm around her.

"I'm scared," Meyrin whispered.

"I can stay too," Shinn said. "Captain Gladys can't force me to obey orders once I'm out there."

"Shinn, don't. There's no guarantee they'll take us prisoner. I want you to live, no matter what," Meyrin replied.

Shinn thought for a second. He knew what the right answer was, but it seemed so awkward to say it. Finally, he decided he would say it. Meyrin had been by his side for so long. She deserved to know how much he appreciated it.

"I don't know what I'm fighting for, Meyrin. These past few weeks, I've been trying to protect this ship. Trying to protect _you_. And that's not going to happen anymore."

"I know there's something you can fight for, Shinn," Meyrin said. "There's always something."

"I'm just sick of it. I'm tired. I have gotten too close to being killed too many times," Shinn replied. "I need a break. R&R."

"I think we all need a break," Meyrin said. "But it's okay, Shinn. Luna's always been there for me. She'll never let me be hurt."

"You joined the military to be with her, didn't you?"

Meyrin chuckled softly, sadly. "You figured it out. I did volunteer. I couldn't bear being alone without her. So I volunteered, and I got turned into an officer because apparently I have some kind of operational brilliance."

"Really?" Shinn asked.

Meyrin shook her head. "I don't have anything brilliant about me, Shinn. Luna's the brilliant one. She got near-perfect grades in flight school. She wears the red uniform to show she's an elite pilot. She probably pulled strings to get me in this position, because she knew how badly I wanted to be with her."

"Don't say you're stupid," Shinn said. "You're special, Meyrin."

"I'm not special, Shinn. I'm really not. Let's face it, if Stellar hadn't gone insane on you I wouldn't be with you right now. I wouldn't be in love . . ." Meyrin's voice began to choke up at the end, and Shinn held her closer.

Meyrin didn't wail, but she did whisper tearfully. "I love you, Shinn. I'm so scared. I don't want you to go but I know you have to."

"Meyrin, I told you I'll stay."

"ZAFT still needs you, Shinn. They don't need me."

_Damn it, Meyrin, if you're trying to make me leave you're really messing it up._

"Meyrin," Shinn finally said, "I told you I'll stay. Just give me the Sword Silhouette once I launch, okay? That's all you have to do."

Meyrin couldn't even speak anymore. She just continued to cry softly, and Shinn just held her close. So often, it had been her comforting him, and now it was the other way around.

Once again, Shinn had forgotten how young Meyrin really was. She was truly too young to be in the military. It wasn't right for her to be here. She should still be at the PLANTs, being at school, helping the home front. Not here. Not where she could get killed.

But in the end, Shinn knew he was going to have to follow orders. He was going to have to leave. Meyrin was going to be at the Earth Alliance's mercy.

_Maybe I should give up on having a girlfriend._ Shinn hadn't been able to find anyone remotely close to being 'the one' until Stellar had entered his life. But then she went crazy. But then Meyrin stepped in and forced herself to grow up so he wouldn't feel like he was dating a kid. Now, he was leaving her behind, and he was going to be alone again.

_Maybe I'm never going to be happy. Not with Stellar, not with Meyrin, not with anyone._

That seemed to be the only thing fate had in store for him, at any rate.

* * *

The angel stared.

His plan had been ruined.

His strategy had gone against him and had completely backfired. The pilot had broken far earlier than he was supposed to. The pilot, if he was to break, wasn't due for that until fighting the PLANTs. That way, if he did go crazy, at least he'd do it on the Coordinators.

But now, the angel was staring complete, utter failure in the face.

Athens was ruined.

And everything had been set back. Perhaps permanently.

No amount of damage control could fix this.

The Eurasians had always been friendlier towards the ZAFT than the Atlantic Federation or East Asia. This was not going to help those in Europe who were sympathetic to the EA. Not one bit. No one could justify such destruction to natural, pure human beings.

_It was supposed to be the Coordinators who died. Not Naturals. Not normal people._

His phone lit up. The angel knew who it was. He picked it up anyway. "Yes?"

_"Care to tell me _what in God's name_ is happening to Athens, Lord Djibril?"_ asked a familiar female voice sharply.

The angel clenched his teeth. He knew the woman, in all of her duplicity, would try to pin this all on him. The woman played every side in the political game, always going to where the winds were shifting next. And she did a good job of it. Good enough to lead the Earth Alliance's fractured populace.

And the woman was likely preparing to go moderate and abandon Blue Cosmos. The angel could not have it.

"A Coordinator," the angel said. "A Coordinator is piloting the Mobile Suit. He's clearly massacring anyone who gets in his way."

_"That Mobile Suit looks like a Adukav design, Lord Djibril,"_ the woman responded.

"Oh, fine," the angel replied. He was going to lie through his teeth here, not like he had a choice. "A ZAFT pilot hijacked a machine called the Destroy. Clearly he's gone mad."

_"Want to tell me why you didn't tell me about any of this?"_ the woman asked.

The woman was going to need to die soon. She could not be trusted. He needed someone who was more willing to be manipulated than the woman.

"Plausible deniability," the angel said, saying the answer the moment it occurred to him. It wasn't true, the real reason was that the angel wanted to marginalize the woman in a power play to begin taking on real power in the Earth Alliance. For obvious reasons, she could not know that. "I'll find someone to take the fall for this, Secretary-General Mitsuda. I promise."

_"I am severely tempted to make it _you_," _the woman growled.

The angel simply smiled. "Go ahead and try. You think you can stop me? I _own_ the Earth Alliance."

That deflated the woman enough that she paused. Finally, she said _"We'll see."_

She killed the connection, leaving the angel just to stare at a hundred screens all depicting the obliteration of Athens.

Such glorious power. If only it were directed at the PLANTs.

It would soon enough. The Destroy may be lost, but he could always build a _better_ Destroy. Adukav had been more than willing to give up the designs they had made in cooperation with Morgenroete in exchange for _not_ being bought out by the angel.

And what would be borne out of this failure would be the angel's ultimate success.

The success he had always wanted . . .

* * *

It was right after the afternoon meal when Athrun had gotten the word. He had taken off as fast as he can to find a private area where he could view the scene that had suddenly dominated the conversations all over the base.

Athens was _gone_.

Athrun found a newsfeed, and stared. No building was completely intact. Most had crumbled. Thousands, possibly millions of people had to be dead or dying. And cameras were dying left and right as the cameramen were getting slaughtered just as readily as ordinary citizens.

He could only take it for thirty seconds, before he turned off the chaos. He folded his trembling hands and forced himself not to think the worst.

But it was obvious.

_They broke Kira. And this is the result._

He had never thought Kira was capable of so much destruction, but put him in the right Mobile Suit, and drench him in despair . . .

If he didn't kill himself first, he could be an unstoppable, rampaging murderer.

He thought about that day when Kira, just on a whim, had been tempted to commit suicide. Despair had just overtaken so fast and so completely that without much of a trigger Kira had wanted to die.

This had to be just on a whim too. Instead of dying, though, this time Kira was out to slaughter _everybody_.

_I have to stop him. No matter what. We have to launch immediately and take that thing down._

Lacus burst into the room then, and the alarm on her face told the obvious. "Athrun! Is it true? Tell me it's not true."

"It is," Athrun said softly.

Lacus' voice became eerily soft. "No. No. He can't. He isn't that kind of person, Athrun. I told him for so long he wouldn't be . . ."

Lacus hugged herself. "He's becoming a monster. Athrun, he's going to become his nightmare. He's letting his nightmares take him over."

Athrun embraced her. "Lacus, we'll stop him. I promise you we'll stop him."

"I don't think we can," Lacus whispered, as she started to cry. "We can't. He's so far gone he won't recognize us."

"Don't say that, Lacus. We can't give up hope."

"We're going to have to kill him, Athrun," Lacus sobbed. "I can't . . . I love him but he's not there anymore. The Kira I know would never do this."

_Everyone's crying except me._ Murrue had practically shut down after hearing of Justice's obliteration just an hour ago. Cagalli and Lacus both had symptoms of depression. Kira . . . Kira was something Athrun could no longer describe.

How could he keep going while everyone else was breaking down? What made him strong enough to soldier on despite everything?

"The Kira you know is still in him. I know that," Athrun said, and hoped his words weren't as hollow as he thought they sounded.

Lacus didn't answer, and Athrun didn't let go.

* * *

The Sword Silhouette was too heavy. That meant Shinn Asuka was not flying the Impulse GUNDAM. All he was flying was the Core Splendor.

Supposedly, it didn't matter. Silhouettes were cheaper than GUNDAMs. Shinn would have replacements given to him once he escaped. But Shinn still felt oddly vulnerable flying a glorified fighter jet, in an age dominated by gigantic masses of metal with more firepower than everything short of a nuclear weapon.

There was a reason why the Skygrasper had become obsolete. They were fast, they were manueverable, but they could not take a lick of punishment. Same with the Core Splendor. One hit and Shinn was done.

Dearka's voice came on. _"Just keep a steady pace. Conserve battery however you can, all of you. The moment we land in Tel Aviv we're getting blasted out of here. We'll be back at the PLANTs before long. Just stay calm."_

There were about one hundred Mobile Suits in all. That was all that was left of the convoy. A few of the MS units had stayed behind to protect the ships just like Luna and Rey had, but they were a tiny minority. But considering there had been thousands of Mobile Suits to start with . . .

How lucky had Shinn been to survive all of those battles against such overwhelming force?

But now, only the sea lay between him and rescue. A safe way out. He'd be back at the PLANTs again, where there was relative peace and stability. He'd get rest and relaxation. Likely would be recognized as a hero. A medal would likely be made for the survivors of the convoy and he'd be one of the few who would receive it.

But none of it seemed worth it.

It was clear he was fighting just to fight now. It surprised him how little loyalty to a country meant for him. He had been born in Orb, but had ran to the ZAFT to get revenge, only to find that revenge was hollow and pointless. Heck, he even fell in love with a girl from Earth. And now, a different girl who loved him was being left behind while he got to escape.

It just didn't seem right. Shinn almost wanted an excuse to turn around and fight to defend the _Minerva_, as pointless as that would be. All he could do was delay the inevitable.

And he'd wind up in captivity too.

But at least he would be with Meyrin, wouldn't he?

And he'd also have to deal with Luna and Captain Gladys calling him an idiot every day until the war was over. Likely beyond that, for that matter.

But there was no reason to go back, either. The Earth Alliance had some truly barbaric people in high places. Who's to say he wouldn't wind up dying in a camp?

Who's to say Stellar wouldn't kill him first chance she got?

Fear of the death sentence was probably his only motivation to keep flying on and not turn around. Shinn was sure of it. And that meant cowardice on his part.

Shiho came on the line. _"I've got a report saying the Destroy is advancing into the Aegean. It's tearing apart the Earth Alliance fleet there, as well as what's left of our ships."_

_"Doesn't matter, Shiho. I want to stay and fight too, but there's no choice,"_ Dearka replied.

"Which direction is it heading to?" Shinn asked.

_"Uh . . .looks southeast from Athens. Seems to be heading just northeast of Crete."_

_That's where the _Minerva_ is._

As if reading Shinn's mind, Dearka spoke. _"Shinn, there's nothing we can do. We have our orders."_

Shinn placed his hand on the joystick and prepared to override the autopilot. _Orders don't matter. Luna and Rey can't stop that monster. Not like I can do much better, but at least I have a chance._

_"Don't bother, Dearka,"_ Shiho said. _"Our village idiot here's already made up his mind."_

Shinn just laughed. "Yeah, I am an idiot. That's why I'm expendable."

_"Shinn, don't say that," _Dearka replied.

"I _am_ expendable. I'm just a second-class citizen in something that was given to me for good politics. I'm not even a Coordinator. I'm fifty-fifty. A Slant. Someone not quite as good as the rest of you. But I'm piloting something that at least can stop that Destroy thing."

_"I tried to stop the Destroy, Shinn,"_ Dearka said. _"It didn't work out too well. The pilot's lost it."_

"Then maybe I can slow it down. It'll give the _Minerva_ crew time to evacuate before it get blown up. You're not stopping me, Dearka."

Shinn immediately pulled the joystick to the left and banked in a U-turn. The G forces pressed Shinn against his seat, but in a few seconds they subsided and Shinn was able to breathe again.

_"Dammit, Shinn," _Dearka growled. He knew he couldn't stop Shinn, not without wasting valuable fuel.

No one else followed Shinn. No one had the guts, or the suicidal tendencies, to want to face the Destroy. They all wanted to live.

As did Shinn, but . ..

He pictured Meyrin. He wasn't sure if he loved her yet, but he did care for her. And she loved him so dearly. He could not hurt that sweet, innocent face. He never wanted to see her cry.

And he was not going to let that girl die. Not without trying to protect her.

Shinn stared out ahead at the open sea. He was doing this alone. His heart pounded as he poured on the acceleration.

_I have to try. That's all I can do._

He blasted down the sea, back towards the war.


	46. Chapter 46

**Chapter Forty-Six: Broken Destiny**

_Life has no meaning except in terms of responsibility. _  
Reinhold Niebuhr, _Faith and History_

Gilbert Durandal was angry.

The Destroy was, well, _destroying_ everything he had meticulously planned. It was a machine that just plain could not be stopped, not by any Mobile Suit the ZAFT had. The Earth Alliance had gotten hold of a nasty weapon indeed, the brainchild of Adukav and Morgenroete.

_Get the two most intelligent and ruthless military corporations together and get them to work on something . . ._

The result was the Destroy.

He had tried to save the Ultimate Coordinator, Kira Yamato, from such a fate, but intervention had prevented a successful extraction. What little information there was hinted that it was none other than the _real_ Lacus Clyne who had attacked the extraction team. But how had a pop star been able to decimate special-ops soldiers?

One of the officers came on the line. _"It's been confirmed. Athens has been . . . wiped out. The Destroy is now advancing across the Aegean, attacking any military unit crossing its path. It does not matter whether it is our forces or theirs, Chairman. It just kills_ everything_."_

"I see. Tell our forces to hunker down and remain out of sight if possible. Let the Earth Alliance stop their own mistake. Maybe we can use this as a distraction to sneak our remaining forces out of the Aegean and towards South America. The Alliance navy will likely be devastated even if they do shoot the Destroy down."

_"Good thinking, Chairman. Is that a formal edict?"_

"Yes."

_"I will pass it on to any military unit that can obey. There are some who are just going down fighting."_

"That's fine. Keep me updated."

_"Yes, Chairman."_

The line cut, and Gilbert tried to relax. He had taken a lot of abuse from that Destroy weapon, but the Earth Alliance stood to lose a lot more than he ever did. Not just militarily, but politically. Blue Cosmos could not be happy with this turn of events. Athens was a beautiful city that harkened back to the beginning of modern civilization. All of that was gone, though.

A stated goal of Blue Cosmos was to create a society like the ancient civilizations, only modernized of course. Athens' destruction was the antithesis of their goals. Athens was something be be treasured, just as much as Rome, or Warsaw, or New York City.

This was going to hurt Blue Cosmos and the hardliners in the Earth Alliance a lot.

Gilbert could use this to his advantage.

He was going to twist the knife in them.

He dialed a personal number. Meer Campbell, not in her Lacus Clyne guise, came into view in front of him. She rubbed her eyes, she was clearly in bed.

"Damn it, who's getting me up this . . ." Her eyes widened as she saw who it was. "Chairman!"

"I have something to show you," Gilbert said coolly.

Meer cocked an eyebrow. "Huh?"

He transferred the data instantaneously. Meer stared at it, and then a sly grin came across her face and shook her head. "You finally gave me something real to work with, Chairman. I applaud you."

"This is a tragic accident, but one we can use if you are careful, Meer. Just do what you've always done."

Meer nodded. "You got it. I'll be ready to make a statement in a half hour."

She vanished then, and Gilbert smiled thinly.

As much as he didn't want his forces to die, a lot more of the Earth Alliance was going to suffer than any ZAFT unit in the theater.

This was their retribution for their mistake. To make the ultimate war weapon. A weapon so cruel no one would want to use it, much less face it.

All the Destroy did was make killing much easier.

And humans were killers.

He would just wait this out. See what the Destroy did. The Destroy had no way of getting off world, so even if the Destroy's rampage proved unstoppable, it wasn't going to come up here and threaten the ZAFT.

Some form of humanity would survive this ultimate rampage.

And that was something Gilbert would tolerate, if not embrace.

It was a nice contingency plan.

* * *

The _Minerva_ was still where it had crash-landed, beached on a small island with a solitary dormant volcano as the backdrop. Missiles and lasers were still erupting from the downed ship, attacking any Mobile Suit or ship that dared to go near. Lunamaria and Rey seemed to be hooked up to a generator by some sort of plug, as long as they didn't disconnect both of them could fight for a long time.

_Do I hail them or do they hail me?_ Shinn thought.

He was going to get chewed out either way. In the end, getting chewed out was a lot less frightening than fighting the Destroy. With that in perspective, he hailed the _Minerva_.

Meyrin answered immediately. _"Shinn?"_

Captain Gladys instantly got on the line. _"Ensign Asuka? What the hell are you doing here?"_

"I heard the Destroy is on its way here. I came back to fight it," Shinn said.

Gladys made a growling sound before answering. _"Dammit, Asuka! This isn't your concern! You were told that many times!"_

"No one here can face the Destroy other than me. Now let Meyrin deploy the Sword Silhouette. It's all I got to face that thing, but I'll make it work. I _have_ to. Or you're all going to die."

There was a long period of silence on the other end. Finally, Gladys spoke again. _"I was praying you wouldn't be this stupid, Asuka."_

Shinn tried to joke. "Hey, the moment someone tells you not to be stupid, it's the right time to do something stupid."

Gladys sighed. _"Let's just hope your battle instincts are better than your common sense."_

Meyrin, at least, sounded slightly happier. _"The Sword is on its way, Shinn."_

"Thank you, Meyrin." Shinn saw the pieces come flying his way, and he transformed the Core Splendor into the Impulse GUNDAM in a smooth motion.

_Figures. I finally get the hang of it and this may be the final time I fly this thing._

His battery power got a small boost from the addition of the Silhouette pieces, but he knew it wouldn't last. Battery power, especially after he entered battle, would decrease much faster than the Core Splendor on its own.

Time was working against him, just like the Destroy's superior firepower.

"All right. I'm gonna get going. Luna, how's things holding up? Want me to make a quick pass?"

_"Nah, I can do this all day as long as I stay hooked up,"_ Luna said. _"Well, until the _Minerva_ runs out of power, anyway."_

"All right," Shinn said. He adjusted his autopilot to lock onto the Destroy's location. It was a dynamic autopilot exclusive to GUNDAMs. He could lock onto a moving target, and so run straight to it.

"This is Shinn Asuka, GUNDAM Impulse, and I will eliminate the target."

Shinn hit the acceleration and blasted out of the battle zone.

* * *

"We're finally about to finish off these bastards," Ian Lee said as the _Girty Lue_ moved in on the battle area. The flagship of the ZAFT fleet, the _Minerva_, had beached itself on a small island and was making a last stand. A few of the ZAFT escorts who had not been able to hide in the Aegean islands were fighting near it, keeping a thin, final defensive ring around the downed ship.

Clearly, this group of ZAFT was goin gto keep fighting until they ran out of ammunition. Or maybe beyond that. To the end.

Neo just sighed. 'Captain Lee, we don't need to deploy our full Mobile Suit contingent. One GUNDAM would slaughter the remaining fleet by itself. There's only a couple of Mobile Suits still fighting so all it has to dodge is flak."

Ian's eyes narrowed. "I think I know what you're planning."

"I say we test Stellar Loussier's supposed 'special abilities'," Neo said. "Let's see how an Extended fights."

Ian smiled. "I get it. Let's see if Stellar truly is that much better."

"And we won't find out for sure unless we deploy her by herself. We have a long war to fight after this one. Like I said, let's see what we got."

Ian nodded. "Go ahead, Roanoke. Get her out there."

Neo got on the com. "Ensign Loussier."

_"Yes, sir?"_ Stellar asked.

"Captain Lee and I have devised a field test for you. Wipe out the ring defending the _Minerva_. Concentrate on disabling the ships, not destroying them. I'd like to show some finesse in this."

_"Understood, sir,"_ Stellar replied.

"Disable?" Ian asked as Neo shut it off.

"It is significantly more difficult to disable a ship than simply blowing it all to hell," Neo said. "It's a better test."

Stellar came on the open com._ "Stellar Loussier, Gaia, launching."_

She charged out of the launch bay and immediately accelerated to the closest ship. Immediately, she got behind the ship and struck downwards, cleaving off two of the engines, which exploded shortly thereafter, but a far enough distance to not harm either the ship or the Gaia. Finishing the strike, Stellar moved around the ship, blasting away at the guns. Most fell silent in about twenty seconds.

Both Ian and Neo were stunned. "That's what an Extended can do? Not even Coordinators can do that!" Ian said.

"They are the perfect soldiers," Neo replied. "Why would anyone want what's left of them to die? It just doesn't make any sense."

Meryl popped up besides them, a knowing smile on her face. _"Just had to test her, didn't you?"_

Ian shook his head. "She's better than a Coordinator. More precise than one, to be exact."

_"That's the skill of an Extended,"_ Meryl said. _"Though I suppose I should be glad you've given her that test. It shows how sick the two of you are of killing people."_

"That's-" Before Neo could finish, an officer ran over to the both of them, his eyes wide with alarm.

"Yes?" Ian asked.

"Captain Lee! Our radar shows the Destroy is coming right towards us!"

"Tell him to back off, then!" Ian growled.

"Haven't you heard, sir?"

"Heard what?"

"The Destroy wiped out Athens! There's nothing left of it! The Destroy is attacking anything that's moving indiscriminately!"

"What?" Ian yelled.

Suddenly, warning alarms blared throughout the bridge. The helmsman shouted "We're locked on! The Destroy has locked onto us!"

"Evasive maneuvers! Deploy every kind of decoy we got!" Ian shouted. "I don't care what you do, just try to throw it off!"

"I'm trying, Captain!"

Neo knew there was no way he could escape, so he just strapped himself in and prayed. He was surprised, just like everyone else, to hear of what seemed to be an insane rampage. What kind of massive communications failure had happened so that they hadn't heard of it until now?

Maybe everything had been so annihilated that nobody could get a message to the _Girty Lue_ until now.

The ship shifted to a hard right, heading towards the _Minerva_ and her determined, but rapidly shrinking, ring of defenders. The ship suddenly rocked violently, and new alarms blared in addition to the existing ones.

"We've been hit! We're going down!" the helmsman cried.

_That was a lucky blow,_ Neo thought. _The Destroy seems to just blow everything into kingdom come instantly._

The _Girty Lue_ briefly skirted the water before sliding on the shoreline of the island, before it crashed into a large pile of rocks. The ship held together, and did not explode.

However, it was facing that fate anyway.

Neo saw the guns of the _Minerva_ immediately turn on the _Girty Lue_.

_Well, this is rather amusing._

Ian Lee was a practical captain. He immediately shouted "Send the message of truce to the _Minerva_. Now. Forget about wiping them out."

_Smart move_.

"Launch bay! I want the 08th Strike squadron deployed immediately! Wipe out the Destroy before it takes us out!"

It wasn't Meryl who answered next, but a random maintenance worker. _"We can't! Launch bay's gone to hell! We've got dozens of pilots and crew injured, and the exit's partially caved in! We can't launch anything!"_

Neo's eyes widened. _That means all we can send to stop the Destroy is . . . _

Ian realized it too. He got on the com with Stellar. "Ensign Loussier. You are to disengage from your mission. You have a new one: eliminate the Destroy at all costs. It's already attacking the rest of the fleet. Take it down."

_"I'm already on my way, sir."_

As if on cue, the Gaia blasted past the _Girty Lue_, heading straight in the Destroy's direction. AS it passed by, more beams from the Destroy, despite being so far away, sliced through many of the escort vessels, blowing them all int flaming scrap.

_We really did get lucky._

Problem was, would Stellar?

* * *

_Damn it, that thing's so big!_ Shinn thought as he approached the metal behemoth in front of him. The Destroy had blasted several rays past Shinn, but seemed to be ignoring Shinn so far. It had been concentrating on the Earth Alliance fleet behind Shinn, wiping out ship after ship.

Below the Destroy lay wreckage and fire. Corpses were floating face down and burned. No one was surviving an attack by the Destroy.

_I'm so stupid to think I can fight this thing,_ Shinn thought. _But I told everyone I would. I have to. I'll take it down no matter what!_

The Impulse charged at full speed. Shinn's plan was simple: cleave the Destroy in two by sheer brute force. He'd overwhelm the delfector shields, and then slice apart the chest area. In one swift stroke, maybe two, he could end the Destroy before it had the chance to aim and fire.

It was his best chance. Perhaps his only one.

Shinn's first swing connected with the deflector shields. They vibrated but did not budge, or even show any sign of breaking, and the stress on Shinn's sword was only growing stronger. Eventually, Shinn had to back off before his sword snapped in two.

_Damn it, and I launched at him at full speed!_ Shinn's eyes warily turned left as he saw the right hand of the Destroy suddenly reach towards him.

The fingers opened up to reveal holes. _Aw, crap._

Shinn blasted upwards to dodge the rapid beams of laser fire launching from those fingers, only to find himself right in front of the Super Scylla energy cannons.

_Even worse!_ Shinn poured on the thrusters and launched even higher, right in front of the Destroy's head.

The head opened up. In addition, the backpack cannons all lit up and seemed to take aim at him.

_Not fair! Does everything have to be armed?_

That was when Shinn felt the presence again. Mayu. He didn't see her this time, but he heard her voice.

_"I'm here, Shinn. I'm here for you." _

Shinn saw the seed and it shattered, just in time for the Destroy to open fire.

_I'm not dying here!_ Shinn weaved around the beams of fire, and using his suddenly enhanced reflexes, managed to dance around the beams, despite carrying the massive Excalibur sword.

Shinn, in desperation, flung the Flashedge boomerang at the Destory's head, but the Destroy's head fired and the boomerang promptly exploded. Shinn could only use the explosion as a diversion to try to reset himself. He tried to get behind the Destroy but the behemoth simply turned at him and kept firing, the beams making the water shoot up in mini-geysers.

_How tough is this thing?_

He could not get around this lumbering behemoth. It kept shooting at him no matter what he did, and it turned around just fast enough to continue firing. Adding to Shinn's disadvantage was that without the Flashedge boomerang, he had no long-distance weapon. All he had was Excalibur.

He couldn't even shoot back.

_I have to try again. There has to be a way I can do some damage!_

He knew Mayu wouldn't want him to die. She wasn't ready to see him yet. She wanted him to live on. That was the best revenge he could get on his father and everyone else who had tried to kill him. It was the best way to make this world better, by trying to end this war.

Even if he didn't survive, he was going to take this machine with him. The machine, and the pilot.

_The pilot has to be a monster. He's trying to kill everyone and everything. How can that the pilot not be a monster, after all he's done and everything he's trying to do?_

He transformed Excalibur into two separate, smaller swords, the Excalibur Razors.

_Maybe that's my chance. I'll just kill the pilot._

Shinn was down to half of his original energy. He had to finish this quickly.

And he needed to do it for everyone else, Earth Alliance _and_ ZAFT. No one deserved to be a random victim of this thing.

Shinn looked for a backup plan as he prepared his charge. There was a small island directly behind the Destroy. Lots of rocks. If this pass didn't work, he would loop behind the island, have the dormant volcano take some abuse, and then charge out for another pass.

He would use the islands as cover from the Destroy.

He hit the thrusters. _I'm going to kill you._

He was going to use his right Razor to make the first blow, then spin around and strike with the left. Hopefully that would be enough to seal the Destroy's fate.

He didn't even get close.

The Destroy's left hand came in front of the cockpit area and backhanded the Impulse away. The Impulse spiraled around helplessly, and Shinn was barely able to keep control of the GUNDAM, and keep himself from becoming nauseous.

_How is he so fast?_

Shinn tried to ready himself for yet another attack, as useless as it would be, when he noticed something.

The Destroy was aiming _every gun it had_ at him.

Shinn froze, and he lost the seed.

_Oh my God._

The Destroy's many weapons were beginning to power up, and Shinn knew there was no escape.

_He's not just trying to kill me. It's like he's trying to erase me from existence. There's not going to be even a hand left of me._

His hands trembled. _All I could do was slow it down. That's what I'm destined for? Just slowing it down?_

The cannons were all about to fire when suddenly, rifle shots blasted past Shinn and began hitting the Destroy. Two of the backpack cannons exploded, but they caused little noticeable damage to the Destroy. It barely even staggered. It fired its weapons in all directions, and Shinn sensed that he could dodge the assault.

Actually, he didn't even need to. The shots were so wild Shinn barely had to move to dodge them all.

One single Mobile Suit interfering had thrown the enemy pilot off his game. Clearly, something was not right in the enemy pilot's head. He wasn't thinking straight at all.

But before he could think about it any further, he was being hailed. Knowing he had to, Shinn opened his communications.

_"Shinn,"_ an all-too-familiar voice said.

"S-Stellar?" Shinn stuttered.

The Gaia GUNDAM took up formation next to Shinn, its rifle aimed right at the Destroy.

_"I'm here, Shinn,"_ Stellar said._ "You're not fighting it alone."_

The voice sounded so much like classic Stellar that Shinn couldn't even consider it being a trick. He could tell just by her voice that it was the Stellar he knew. The Stellar he had loved.

"You're here," was all Shinn managed to say.

_"There's a lot I have to answer for," _Stellar said, _"But it'll have to wait for later. We need to stop the Destroy's rampage before it kills anyone else. And it falls on us. No one else is coming."_

"You're it?"

_"I'm it. The _Girty Lue's_ launch bay was damaged when the Destroy attacked it."_

The Destroy seemed to be sizing them up. Maybe it was waiting for them to make the first move? Or maybe the pilot was just stunned that the machine had taken any damage at all.

_"But I think we're good enough. Don't you think so, Shinn?"_ Stellar asked.

Knowing that Stellar, the _real_ Stellar, was fighting alongside him, made Shinn feel like he could fight five Destroys at once. "Yeah."

_"All right, follow my lead. Let's take that monster down."_

The Gaia moved, and the Impulse followed.


	47. Chapter 47

LiuBei1986: Your guesswork is more one the mark this time, to a point. ^^ I have paralleled Destiny with this battle right now but don't expect me to keep that up forever. It'll be boring if I just parallel Destiny. I want to tell something new. But yeah, Kira's "emotionally compromised" at the moment, he isn't thinking clearly, which, uh, will become clear in this chapter. Thanks for reading!

nasaklova: Hope you enjoy the story! I read a lot of stuff offline too, though it's for convenience more than high Internet fees. ^^ Thanks for reading this!

**

* * *

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**Chapter Forty-Seven: Counterattack**

_I'm Nobody! Who are you?  
Are you - Nobody - Too?  
Then there's a pair of us!  
Don't tell! they'd advertise - you know!_

_How dreary - to be - Somebody!  
How public - like a Frog -  
To tell one's name - the livelong June -  
To an admiring Bog!_  
-Emily Dickenson, **I'm Nobody! Who are you?**

As happy at Stellar was that Shinn was trusting her without as much as a hint of an argument, she knew she couldn't let jubilation cloud her mindset. They were fighting a true behemoth alone, and the Destroy could kill either one of them at any time. However, Stellar noticed the pilot's movements and shots had become erratic.

_He's just spewing shots everywhere. He's either panicking or he's completely lost it. There has to be a way to use that to our advantage._

_"You got a plan, Stellar?"_ Shinn asked as he trailed her. _"I'm less than halfway on energy."_

"Working on it. Just keep flying. He doesn't have a lock on us."

Stellar examined the Destroy. _Everything on this Mobile Suit is armed. At the front he has a deflector shield which isn't breaking. There's no way he can fire some shots without switching the deflector shield off first._

"Shinn, I have an idea."

_"Yes?"_

"Get the Destroy to shoot at you."

"That's _your plan?_"

"Yes!"

_"And here I thought you had stopped being insane."_

That stung, but Stellar understood why Shinn has said that. "Trust me, Shinn. He can't fire those chest cannons without turning off the deflector shield. I need you to get him to fire those cannons at you. Once he does I'll shoot at them and take them out."

_"Oh."_ There was silence over the com. _"That makes sense."_

"We need to take it out and fast, Shinn. We're running on batteries, while the Destroy must have a nuclear reactor. It can fight forever while we can't."

Blasters shot across in front of her and Stellar sped up even more. She had about sixty-five percent left, so she had more energy to burn than Shinn did. She needed to be in the right position at the right time in order to take the shot.

Blowing up the Scylla cannons in the chest would hopefully kill or disable the pilot. That had to be the weakness of the Destroy. If the Scyllas exploded, the damage would have to reach the cockpit, and the pilot would be injured if not killed. Such a blow would drastically decrease the Destroy's chance of victory.

Nothing short of exploding the nuclear reactor would make the Destroy blow up completely. But Stellar was reluctant to shoot the reactor. The resulting explosion would be guaranteed to kill her and Shinn, and possibly even reach the remnants of the ZAFT and EA battle fleets. It was a desperation tactic, something to be done when she had nothing left to lose, or no power left to operate.

So the only option was to kill the pilot directly.

They circled back to the front, and Stellar took a deep breath. She had finally been reunited with Shinn after all this time, and he could die right here. She could be ordering him to his death.

But there was no choice. All they had were each other. The best Stellar could do was protect Shinn.

"Shinn, go! Attack the cockpit!"

_"On it, Stellar!" _The Impulse flashed by the Gaia, its dual Razor swords leading the way.

_Shinn can't break through the shields. It's what happens after the shields give way that matters,_ Stellar thought.

The Destroy's attention focused upon the charging Impulse. Now, what she needed was Shinn to be a good enough pilot to dodge the Destroy's many, _many_ attempts to shoot him down.

Then one of the Destroy's backpack cannons took a shot at Stellar. Stellar barely got out of the way in time.

_That was close. I forgot, I'm still a target too. This is for nothing if I get shot down_.

The Destroy's weakness was that it was a ship killer, a city killer, possibly even a colony killer. Mobile Suits could dodge it, given that they weren't fired upon with every weapon the Destroy had. The Destroy also seemed to have no melee weapon, so other than the deflector shield it had no defense once Shinn got too close.

And that was what Stellar was counting on.

Shinn dodge shot after shot, and Stellar smiled as she watched her boyfriend go. The shot were trailing Shinn, hitting the water and fizzling out. Shinn was a much better pilot than people gave him credit for. Even if he was a Natural he'd still figure out a way to fly the Impulse. Blood could not determine raw ability, and Shinn had it.

Shinn raised his Razor swords and prepared to plunge. Just as Stellar expected, the deflector shield absorbed the blow of the first sword. Shinn attempted to stab with the other sword in the Impulse's left hand, and that too was stopped in its tracks.

_All right. Now here's Phase Two._

"Shinn! Back off!" Stellar shouted.

_"Right!"_

The Impulse gave up and accelerated away. Stellar saw the Scylla cannons power up, and a smile crossed her face.

_Got you, you bastard._

That's when all of the backpack cannons fired right at her.

_Damn it!_ Stellar tried to dodge, but it didn't matter what she was. Extended, Coordinator, Slant, Natural. It didn't matter whether she was using a GUNDAM, a Windam, or a Zaku. She was going to get hit.

And she did. She got clipped as she attempted to accelerate away, and found herself spiraling out of control.

Stellar lost sight of the seed that had been guiding her through this whole battle, and she found herself in bound for a beach . . . with rocks everywhere.

_I have to make this stick_. She transformed her damaged GUNDAM into its buCue-shaped form, but the damage prevented all of the parts from fitting into place. So, with a half-GUNDAM, half-BuCue, she crashed _hard_ into the beach and found her machine flopping like a rag doll across the surface, with her still inside.

Finally, the Gaia hit a rock, and Stellar felt a sharp pain fill her right arm. Her machine powered down, and Stellar realized, to her dismay, that her batteries had been punctured. As it wasn't from a beam weapon her batteries weren't going to explode, but she would not be able to get the machine to move.

She tried to move her right arm. The pain was too much. Her left arm, her weak arm, was going to have to do all of the work.

She clicked off her restraints and hit the cockpit switch. It only opened halfway, and Stellar kicked at it frantically until it bust open enough for her to get out. She stumbled out and fell to the ground, which made her the nerves in her arm scream like they were being murdered.

_I never thought a broken arm would hurt so much._ Stellar was fighting tears in her eyes as she forced herself to her feet, using only her left hand and legs to get up. She grabbed her right arm, and forced it to be still. She was going to need it completely still until she could make a sling. It seemed her forearm was what had broken, probably when her arms had frailed about in the cockpit when she crashed.

She was lucky she hadn't broken both arms.

She ripped off her helmet and threw it to the ground. She was going to need full visibility in case someone attacked her, just in case. In the distance, the Destroy looked like a mechanical mountain, looming over her like a god.

She couldn't see the Impulse anywhere.

_Don't tell me Shinn got shot down too. I hope he just ran away._

"Stellar!" she heard from the left. Stellar turned and saw Shinn run over to her.

_Oh, that idiot. He's trying to rescue me._

Shinn had removed his helmet too, and stopped right in front of her. "Stellar," he gasped, almost out of breath. "I hid the Impulse behind some of the bigger rocks here. It's running out of power but I should be able to get you out of here."

He paused. "Stellar, your arm-"

"It's broken. Don't worry about it." She tried to smile through the pain. He was an idiot for coming after her but Stellar didn't just appreciate it, she found it endearing. "I'm glad you came for me."

"I'm not leaving you here with the-"

Loud mechanical noises came from behind them, and Stellar and Shinn both turned to see the Destroy looking right at them.

Stellar froze.

_That guy can't be serious._

The Destroy aimed its right hand directly at Shinn and Stellar. The holes in its fingers opened, as if to machine-gun both them to bits.

_He's going to vaporize us. He's really going to vaporize us._

Shinn took a deep breath. "I . . . I guess I should've kept fighting it, huh?"

"It's all right, Shinn. I don't blame you at all," Stellar said.

Stellar wanted to close her eyes and look away. But she couldn't. She had to stare this in the face. She wanted that pilot, that crazed monster of the pilot, who could have only tracked her through some camera on board, to be looking directly at her when he shot.

If she was going to die, she was determined to be that pilot's nightmare for the rest of his days.

There was silence for a brief moment. Finally, Shinn dared to speak. "Why isn't he shooting at us? Why isn't he getting it over with?"

"I don't know," Stellar said, and it was the truth. The Destroy could vaporize both of them in an instant. Why wouldn't it?

What had made the Destroy freeze? Somehow Stellar doubted it was her defiant act.

Suddenly, the Destroy was hit. Multiple laser shots struck the hand, and it exploded. The Destroy staggered, lurched to its left, and fired wildly in every direction.

By the sound of the engines, it sounded like Mobile Suits.

_Reinforcements_.

But all of _her_ reinforcements were trapped in the hangar bay of the _Girty Lue_. And the ZAFT didn't have _anybody_ left around here.

Then who could it be?

* * *

"Good shot, Karen! Everyone, keep Formation Echo. Stay loose and keep shooting!" Athrun Zala yelled.

Karen Walsh and Athrun Zala had managed to remove the Destroy's right hand in two shots, and now every Mobile Suit in Athrun's squadron had opened fire upon the Destroy. The Destroy staggered and turned towards the Orb squadron, and Athrun's eyes widened.

"Evasive manuevers!" Athrun shouted. He moved away, and his squadron attempted to scatter. But there was too much firepower. Athrun had been able to move out of the way, but half of his Murasame group had gotten hit, and five of the six were kill shots. The sixth merely lost all of its right leg and a small portion of the torso.

_Even the Murasame isn't fast enough to get out of the way,_ Athrun thought. "Karen, you still with me?"

_"Yes, sir."_

"Clear out of the area. Create a perimeter around here. No one passes. Leave this to me and Aurielle," Athrun said.

_"Understood, sir."_

Karen and the remaining Murasames blasted away, leaving just the Freedom and the Strike Rouge against the hulking Destroy.

_All right, we did it some damage. That'll hopefully wake Kira up. He has to know he's not invincible anymore._

"Lacus," Athrun said. "Get on the line, talk to Kira. We don't have a lot of time. Karen won't be able to keep people away for long."

_"Yes,"_ Lacus said. She immediately got on the open channel. _"Kira? Can you hear me? Kira, this is Lacus. Please answer me."_

Silence.

_"Kira, I know you can hear me. It's Lacus. Athrun's here too. We're here to help you Kira."_

A soft voice. _"No one can help me."_

_That's Kira._ Up until now, Athrun had allowed himself to have one tiny hope that it wasn't Kira inside the cockpit, that it was merely an illusion, that it had not happened . . . and it was gone.

Lacus replied _"Don't say that, Kira. This isn't like you."_

_"I _said_ no one can help me!_" Kira roared.

The Destroy fired at the Freedom with its mouth cannon, not at the Strike Rouge. Athrun saw the shots coming and barely managed to get out of the way.

_Okay, he's willing to shoot at me, but not Lacus. Am I supposed to think that's a good thing?_

He thought about it for a moment.

_Well, he could have shot at Lacus instead. That would've been much worse._

Lacus' voice was shaking. _"Kira, please don't do that."_

_"Shut up, Lacus."_

_"Kira, please stop! I'm trying to help you! You don't have to do this!"_

_"All you do is_ lie_ to me!"_

_"I've never lied to you, Kira!"_

_"All you've ever told me are lies!"_

_"I know you can get better, Kira! I know it! Kira, please-"_

_"Stay away from me."_

_"Kira-"_

"_Stay away_!"

_Now_ Kira fired at Lacus.

Athrun did the only thing he could do to save Lacus.

He had been carrying the METEOR device. He ejected it and sent it straight in front of the Strike Rouge, where the METEOR absorbed all of the shots before exploding. The Strike Rouge backed away, and Athrun could tell Lacus was stunned just by the jerky way her Mobile Suit was moving.

_"He shot at me."_

"I know, Lacus," Athrun said.

_"He shot at me."_

"Lacus, calm-"

_"_He_ shot at me. He-he shot at me."_

_Damn it. I lost my best offensive weapon, got five pilots killed, and now Lacus is shutting down._

Athrun turned towards the Destroy.

_I don't have much of a choice, do I?_

He never thought he would ever fight Kira again. He thought it had been over with in the _last_ war. The last thing he wanted was to kill his best friend.

After fighting so hard with him in the last war . . .

After everything they had gone through . . .

This was the end result?

_This_?

Kira came on the line. _"Athrun. I know you're listening. Go away. Stop trying to save me. I'm not worth it. I've never been worth it."_

_Do I answer_? Athrun took a deep breath.

"Kira, you don't understand."

_"I do understand. All you people ever do is tell me lies to make me feel better. But I've finally seen through all of the lies. Everyone just lies. No one is_ real_ anymore. It's all fake. False. Nothing exists because no one is real, just lies. I'm going to break it, Athrun. I'm going to obliterate the false existence."_

_Did they drug Kira up? _Athrun thought. He shook off the thought_. No, something must have happened. Something drove him over._

Lacus spoke again, clearly struggling to form words. Her sobs were garbling her voice. _"Kira . . . please, I've always loved you . . . just let me help. Kira, I'll help you."_

_"Stop lying to me!"_ Kira shouted, and his weapons powered up. Athrun got ready to shoot, this time for real. He turned on the HiMAT targeting system, and locked on to as many weapons as he could.

He still couldn't lock onto them all.

_Even the best targeting system on the planet can't fully stop this machine,_ Athrun thought in amazement.

But Kira did not fire, and his weapons powered back down.

_"Everything is fake. It's not real. I'm not really killing anybody, am I? This is just a simulation. I'm running a test. They're testing me. I'm going to wake up someday and it'll be in an entirely different world,"_ Kira ranted. _"Nobody's real, so it doesn't matter if I kill everyone. Maybe if I kill everyone I'll finally wake up.'_

_"I'm real!"_ Lacus wailed. _"Kira, do you think every night we spent together isn't real? You can't seriously believe that!"_

_"Then prove it to me! Kill me!"_

_"I won't kill you, Kira!" _Lacus drew a shaky breath. _"If I kill you, it means I've failed you. I can't . . . I can't accept that."_

Kira just laughed. _"That's what I expected! You want me to believe your love crap! You're just a masochist or something, aren't you? You just like to get hurt!"_

_"Kira, no-"_

_"Admit it! I've hurt you way too much for you to stay! But you stay anyway! You have to be a masochist!"_

Athrun decided it was time to interject. "Or maybe she really loves you, Kira. And she stays by you because she loves you."

_"Everyone tells me they love me. Everyone tells me they'll be there for me. Nobody's ever there. Nobody wants me. They just lie and pretend to love me when they just want to _use _me. Including the both of you! Lacus, you don't want me to get better, you just want me to keep hurting you! And I know you want me to fly the Freedom again, Athrun! You would have me fight forever!"_

_Does he even believe what he's saying? Or is he just begging us to kill him in some subtle way?_ Athrun couldn't tell either way.

Kira laughed again. _"Well, how about this, Lacus? I get to hurt you one more time!"_

_Damn it_! Athrun thought. He raised his Balaena plasma beam cannon. If Kira dared to fire on Lacus . . .

Even without visual, Athrun could visualize the stunned, tearful expression on Lacus' face._ "Kira, wait-"_

Kira fired.

Athrun fired next.

Kira's shots blasted both of the Strike Rouge's legs off and a third slammed into the Mobile Suit's side, sending it spiraling away. Lacus screamed as she lost control and toppled towards a nearby island. She crashed into a group of trees, and other than some smoke there was no sign of her.

Athrun's shots slammed into the Destroy's deflector shields. He had activated them just in time to allow only one of the backpack cannons to be blasted out of existence. Everything else, frustratingly, stayed intact.

"Lacus? Lacus, can you hear me? Lacus!" Athrun shouted.

Kira made some odd noises, like he was laughing and crying at the same time. _"How'd that feel, Lacus? That felt good, didn't it? C'mon, answer me!"_

Lacus wasn't answering. Images shot through Athrun's head, of her being twisted or impaled or burned or far worse. Athrun violently shook his head and blocked them out. He had to believe she was okay. She had to be. That was not a kill shot.

That meant that even if she needed medical attention, if Athrun finished Kira off fast enough, he'd be able to help her in time.

Athrun was stunned at that realization.

He was really going to have to do it.

He was going to kill Kira.

In order to protect Lacus, and everyone else, he was going to have to kill his best friend.

He had never wanted to believe it could come to this. Murdering his best friend.

Did he want to believe that Kira was too far gone to save? He could not plead to Kira the way Lacus could.

_What could have happened to do this to Kira? He's not making sense even by insanity standards._

"Kira, last chance. You can still stop."

_"There's no stopping me now, Athrun. I shot Lacus down. Even if she did love me she has to hate me now. There's no one for me."_

"You chose that."

_"I want the loneliness. I want the pain. I want the suffering."_ Kira laughed then. _"I want to die in the most painful way possible, Athrun. Give it to me."_

"You accuse Lacus of being a masochist, but it seems that _you_ are the real masochist," Athrun said.

Kira fired at Athrun wildly, and it was all Athrun could do to dodge it all. _"About time you figured it out! I just wanted Lacus to feel what I feel! I want her to be in pain just like me! I want her to hate me!"_

"Why?" Athrun asked. "Why do you want this?"

Kira just laughed through obvious tears. _"I'm a war criminal, Athrun. No matter what I do or go, i'm going to be put in front of a tribunal and then in front of a firing squad. I'm dead no matter what I do. So I'm going to give this world a service. I want everyone to know how I feel. There's no going back for me, and I don't deserve the love of someone else. There's no way Lacus will love me now, and I want it that way."_

He chuckled. _"Unless, of course, she really _has_ become a masochist."_

Athrun readied the HiMAT system. He was going to fire everything he had, and while the Destroy was staggering he would kill Kira by skewering him in the cockpit with the Lacerta beam sabers. It would be an instant death. Cagalli would never forgive him for doing this, but Athrun knew there was no reason left in Kira.

_I'm sorry._

Athrun saw the seed.

_You've given me no choice. _

But before the seed could shatter, Athrun heard a familiar voice that surprised him so much he lost sight of the seed.

_"Stop your whining already, Kira."_

His radar beeped. Athrun was surprised to see a new contact charge towards him and then by him, finally settling into a position in front of him.

It was a golden Mobile Suit.

_Is that the . . .?_

It had to be.

_That has to be the Akatsuki!_

And the Akatsuki's noteworthy pilot spoke again. _"You want someone to feel your pain, Kira? Thrill me. Tell me how much you feel."_

_It can't be . . . how could she even get here so fast?_

But the voice was unmistakable. No one could impersonate the pilot's husky yet youthful voice.

The Akatsuki's pilot was none other than Cagalli Yula Athha.


	48. Chapter 48

**Chapter Forty-Eight: Brother vs. Sister**

_Courage is grace under pressure. _  
-Ernest Hemingway

"Cagalli, what are you doing here?" Athrun asked.

_"A little girl told me,"_ Cagalli replied.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Athrun asked in absolute confusion.

_"Doesn't matter. Athrun, go check on Lacus. I can handle my brother. This is my fault anyway."_

Kira interrupted then. _"Cagalli?"_

_"Yes, Kira?"_ Cagalli asked.

There was no crazed laughter, or tears, or wild cries. Just raw, uninhibited anger. _"You've finally come to kill me. I was wondering when you were going to try."_

_"If you don't give me any choice, Kira, I will. But I'd rather not," _Cagalli replied.

_"You were never there when I needed you! Now that you have to kill me you show up! Typical _you_! You don't stand a chance against me!"_

The Destroy fired all of its backpack cannons, as well as the three Super Scylla cannons, directly at the Akatsuki. Much to Athrun's horror, Cagalli didn't even try to dodge, not like she could anyway.

"Cagalli!" Athrun cried as the multiple energy beams struck the Akatsuki dead-on. Bright lights flashed everywhere as the impacts made a light so bright Athrun had to put his hand in front of his eyes, even though his helmet's visor was darkened enough that he normally wouldn't need to.

The light faded, and much to Athrun's amazement, the Akatsuki wasn't just standing, it was unharmed.

A new voice entered the com. _"Well,_ that_ was a rather exciting field test,"_ the female voice said.

_Who's that?_ Athrun thought.

Cagalli responded to the woman. _"But it worked, didn't it, Hilda?"_

_"Obviously or we'd be dead."_

Cagalli spoke to Kira then. _"Surprised, little brother?"_

Kira did not answer.

The Akatsuki raised a beam rifle Athrun recognized, the prototype "Hyakurai", rumored to become the main weapon of the Murasame design shortly. _"Kira, you can't harm the Akatsuki with just beam weaponry. You'll need a melee weapon. Unless I'm mistaken, you don't have one."_

Still silence on Kira's end.

_"That means you will lose this battle, Kira, unless you miraculously overload my reflection system. And it'll take a lot more punishment than what you just gave to do that. Now stop this insanity so I can take you home."_

_"I _have_ no home!"_ Kira roared, and he fired again.

Athrun's heart still skipped a beat, but he wasn't quite as horrified as he was the last time the Destroy fired like that. And once again, the Akatsuki remained standing, without a scratch on it. Though it seemed this time that the Akatsuki had raised its Model 71 defense shield to take the majority of the punishment.

Hilda's voice came back on. _"We can take two more assaults like that, Queen Cagalli. After that we'll risk overloading the reflection system. It needs some time to recover."_

_"Understood."_ Cagalli suddenly began firing at the Destroy, and the Akatsuki's sky pack motor went full blast as the Mobile Suit began its assault on the Destroy.

"Cagalli, wait!" Athrun shouted.

It wasn't Cagalli who answered this time, but this 'Hilda' person. _"Athrun, listen to your girlfriend and get out of here. We know what we're doing."_

"But-"

_"I _said_ we can handle it. Now leave the battle zone, pretty boy."_

The Akatsuki took a shot from a backpack cannon then, but the Akatsuki reflected it and the shot splashed into the water.

The last thing Athrun wanted to do was to let his future wife, and the current Queen of Orb, fight this gigantic monster by herself, even if she had someone helping her. But the more Athrun watched the battle, he realized Cagalli had an agenda that he would simply interfere in.

And that agenda was not the same as when she had murdered her uncle and cousin.

Unlike killing Unato and Yuna Sieran, murdering Kira would ruin everything Cagalli had sacrificed for. She had committed a heinous crime by murdering her relatives, and she was ready to launch a black ops assault on her ally to get Kira back. Killing Kira out here would simply make all of that pointless.

It was out of her love for her brother that Cagalli had stuck her neck out so far.

So Athrun doubted that Kira would be dying out here. And as long as the Akatsuki could keep absorbing and reflecting the beams shot at it, Cagalli should win the battle.

Should.

She was not the pilot Kira was. She wasn't bad but she was no ace, and as a Natural facing a Coordinator she was already at a disadvantage. Even with her Akatsuki there was no guarantee she could fight Kira and win.

Unless . . .

It suddenly struck Athrun that the co-pilot or whoever it was who was in the Akatsuki with Cagalli had to be a Coordinator. It would be just like Cagalli to make up for a disadvantage by bringing in a Coordinator to fight a Coordinator.

The Akatsuki fired a pair of high-energy beam cannons at the Destroy. The Destroy's own shield reflected them, and Athrun knew that Cagalli was in for a difficult battle.

But what he could do besides get in the way? It was only a matter of time before Kira realized Athrun was still hanging around, and unlike Cagalli, Athrun didn't have anything that could take the Destroy's massive amounts of punishment.

So reluctantly, gradually, Athrun turned away, and accelerated the Freedom towards Lacus' crash site.

He'd let Cagalli conduct her plan without interference.

* * *

They had finally made it to the makeshift hiding place where Shinn had set down the Impulse. And, even though they were still in a battle zone, and could still hear the energy beams being fired from the Destroy and whatever its newest foes were, Shinn was caught in an embarrassing predicament.

"No. No. A thousand times no."

"Shinn, do it," Stellar said, rolling her eyes.

"I am _not_ cutting your pants leg for the sling, Stellar."

"Yes, you are."

"I'll cut my own pants leg."

Stellar rolled her eyes again. "It's a lot less embarrassing for a woman to show leg instead of a man, Shinn. Are you _sure_?"

Shinn's face heated up. "Uh . . ."

"I didn't think so."

Shinn looked down. "Fine, you win."

After making Stellar's makeshift sling, and trying not to stare at her exposed right leg, Shinn tried to think about his next course of action. He was down to twenty percent in power. He did not want to fight the Destroy, especially with Stellar in such a compromised position. He had to run somewhere, but where?

As they entered the cockpit, Shinn realized something he should have a while ago.

"Stellar, I just realized I don't have a plan for what to do next."

"I expected that to be the case."

"Sorry."

A long silence before Stellar spoke again.

"Shinn, I'm not going back."

"Huh?"

"I'm not going back to the Earth Alliance. They brainwashed me. I don't want anything to do with them."

"It's not like I can take you to the ZAFT, Stellar. They're going to be POWs. And the Earth Alliance doesn't tolerate traitors," Shinn replied.

"Then we need to head elsewhere," Stellar said.

"What? Where?" Shinn asked.

"How far can we go on what's left?"

"Uh . . ." Shinn ran the calculations. "We'll splash into the sea about ten miles off the coast of Greece."

"What about just in the Core Splendor?"

"Looks like . . . we'd just make it into Macedonia."

"Then that's where we're going," Stellar said.

"Now?"

Stellar wrapped her left arm around his shoulders. "Yes. I've had enough fighting. And I'm sure you have too."

Her left hand squeezed his shoulder. "I think this is our only chance to have our lives to ourselves. To not have anyone or anything pull us apart. I'm not letting what happened to us over these last few weeks happen again."

She kissed him on the cheek. "Please, Shinn. Let's choose our fate, our destiny."

In every other situation possible, Shinn would have jumped at it. But one thing made him hesitate.

Meyrin.

He remembered that girl's face as he listened to Stellar.

He wanted to be with Stellar. But Meyrin was the only reason why he hadn't fallen into complete despair. She was the reason why he was here with Stellar right now. Leaving to crash-land somewhere would be the ultimate insult to everything Meyrin did for him.

And yet, Stellar was right. Going to the ZAFT would mean the death penalty. And she had every right to not fight for the Earth Alliance any longer.

He knew which choice to make. It was a painful one, but . . .

"Is something wrong?" Stellar asked.

"No," Shinn said softly. "It's nothing."

He powered up the Impulse and sent it hovering in the air, and ordered it to dismantle. The Sword Silhouette fell apart, and went accelerating back in the direction of the _Minerva_.

He thought of how Meyrin would feel, and it made him feel sick. He could already imagine the tears pouring from her eyes, curled up in a ball on her bed in depression and despair, and finally her screaming at the sky, cursing him and despising him for using her and abandoning her.

That girl loved him and had always been there whenever Shinn needed her. And he was betraying her for Stellar, who admittedly loved instead of merely liked.

But it still didn't make it right.

Meyrin did not deserve the pain she was about to go through.

It brought tears to his eyes as Shinn sent the Core Splendor towards the coast of Greece, and, if the power held out, Macedonia.

"Shinn, are you okay?" Stellar asked.

Shinn wanted to speak but could find no words.

Stellar's left arm wrapped around his shoulders again. "It's all right, Shinn. I'm right here. I love you."

_You don't understand, Stellar._

_I'm just a coward._

_Just a stupid coward.

* * *

_

Hilda Harken was an experienced pilot, she had defected from the ZAFT after Patrick Zala's decision to wipe out the moderate faction wound up costing her an eye. Now she fought for Orb, and even with just one eye she was a great pilot, and the perfect partner for Cagalli. Hilda was in the Owashi sky pack that allowed the Akatsuki to take flight, and fly circles around the comparatively ungainly Destroy.

Kira was firing wildly. Having an infinite amount of ammunition gave him that privilege.

_He's off. Normally I'd be shot down by now but he's really off. I might be able to pull this off after all,_ Cagalli thought.

Kira began screaming on the com. _"Coming to kill me, Cagalli? Wat a wonderful, caring sister! You shunt me aside until I become a problem, huh? When I'm all nice and quiet you can just pretend I don't excist!"_

A pause. _"How does it feel, Cagalli?"_

Hilda whistled. "Boy's got issues."

"Just keep shooting those cannons, Hilda. It's keeping him off balance," Cagalli replied.

_I need to find a way to cripple the Destroy. If I destroy the reactor it'll kill all of us. And taking out the Super Scyllas are too much of a risk. I must cripple it so I can strike a nonlethal finishing blow._

The fighting had moved to shallow waters just off the coast of an island, the island where Lacus Clyne had been shot down. That made it even more imperative that Cagalli didn't get the area all irradiated.

Hilda spoke. "My queen, our reflection system is at seventy-five percent. We can't take much more."

Unlike the system's power, the reflection system counted upwards in terms of the abuse it had taken. Seventy-five percent was the level Cagalli had hoped to be at when Kira was taken down. Considering the Akatsuki had, so far, only removed one of the backpack cannons from the battle, this meant the mission was in trouble.

"Don't panic, Hilda. Just keep firing the cannons. We may not be doing much damage but we're keeping him from locking on us. That may be the difference."

"Just come up with something, my queen. I'm tired of feeling like a mosquito."

"I understand, Hilda." Cagalli piloted her machine above the Destroy when suddenly she got an idea.

"Next pass above the Destroy, Hilda, do exactly what I say. No questions. I can take it out."

"Oh, so you _do_ have a plan! I'm all for it!"

Kira heard every word. _"What is it, Cagalli? Going to put me out of my misery? Is that what you think you're doing?"_

_I'm the one who's in misery and you don't see me whining about it._ Cagalli was going to save her crying for later.

_"I _hate_ you!"_ Kira shouted. _"You don't deserve what you have! You put me in this thing! You ignored me and abandoned me!"_

_Like it's all about you._

_"I'll kill you!"_ The Destroy let loose several volleys as Cagalli prepared her pass, and the Akatsuki took several hits as it flew overhead.

"Eighty-five percent," Hilda warned.

"We've won, Hilda. Just a few seconds," Cagalli said.

_"Why won't you just die!"_ Kira screamed.

"Because I'm not going to give up on you," Cagalli said.

They were right above the Destroy.

"Hilda, disconnect me! Now!"

"_What_? Uh, on it, my queen!"

The Owashi sky pack dropped the Akatsuki, and Cagalli aimed her sword in a downward slash right in-between the main Destroy unit and the backpack unit attached to it.

_I've won._

Kira screamed in panic and fired in futility. Cagalli's blade struck right where she wanted it to be, and she felt the beam weapon steadily slick through the middle connections, slowly but steadily removing the Destroy's main power source and the majority of its weapons in one blow.

Kira was screaming, and Cagalli could hear sparks shooting off in his cabin. _I'm sorry, Kira. This is for your own good._

The backpack was finally severed and it splashed into the shallow water, and the Destroy could only manage a few staggering steps before turning around.

_Figures he has some kind of secondary power._

_"Damn you!"_ Kira roared, and both of the Destroy's hands opened up to reveal many miniature energy guns.

"Hilda, open fire!" Cagalli shouted.

_"Yes, my queen!"_ Hilda's Owashi sky pack, now shaped like a fighter, blasted several times at the Destroy, making it stagger backwards and more and more shots chipped off the Destroy's arms until they were both shot off and the remnants were left sparking at the shoulders.

Cagalli prepared her energy sword again. _I'll cut off both of the legs. He has no propulsion system anymore and without his legs the Destroy can't stand up._.

Kira was breathing heavily. _"Why? Why, why, why, why, why?"_

"Because I care," Cagalli said softly. Then she charged.

Kira screamed again as he fired the Super Scyllas at Cagalli, but Cagalli just absorbed the blows as she charged forward.

A warning alarm went off, signifying that the reflection system was at ninety percent. But it didn't matter anymore. Nothing Kira could do now would stop the inevitable.

As Cagalli moved to strike, Kira's screams became this type of garbled gibberish, she couldn't understand a word. But she knew what it meant.

_I hate you and I want you to die._

Cagalli struck, and her energy sword cleaved off the Destroy's right leg first. She kept the Akatsuki moving, knowing that if she stopped the Destroy would crash right on top of her. So she kept moving until she sliced off the left leg as well, and let the Destroy crash face up into the shallow water at the beachhead.

Kira's gibberish continued, screaming incessantly as the Super Scyllas and the cannon positioned in the Destroy's head fired in futility over and over. Cagalli just waited, and the gibberish steadily turned into sobs and wails.

Hilda came on. _"You'd think we committed bloody murder."_

"We did. We sold the thing to the Earth Alliance," Cagalli said softly. She turned the Akatsuki around, and let Hilda hook the Owashi back up to the Akatsuki.

After one final shot into the air from the mouth cannon, the Destroy fell silent, as did Kira. The radio had shut off.

_Kira, I'll make sure you'll never have to fight again. I swear it._

The Akatsuki slowly walked over to the fallen Destroy. Kira was still silent. The behemoth looked little more than wreckage now, being taken apart piece by piece until there was nothing left.

Which was how Cagalli wanted it.

_I committed a great sin by having this thing sold. It's cost so many people their lives. It ruined Kira's life. All it did was make this stupid war so much worse._

She shook her head. _No weapon will ever be too terrible for humans to use. Sooner or later, someone who wants to use the weapon will show up . . . and use it he will._

But philosophical questions about warfare wasn't her primary objective.

_I don't think I killed Kira, but he's not giving me a sign. He may have shut down mentally. Maybe he's traumatized. Mute._

Tears appeared in her eyes. _My poor brother. I should be in his position. I'm the one who committed the wrong. He's nothing more than a pawn used by the Earth Alliance who went insane._

The Akatsuki stopped right by the Destroy, and Cagalli prepared to exit the cockpit.

_You've been in the dark for so long, Kira. I think it's time you saw some light._

It occurred to her how sunny the day was. A small smile crossed her face despite her tears.

_It's a beautiful day, Kira. I want you to see it._

Cagalli opened the cockpit, and prepared for what she hoped was reconciliation, not confrontation, with her twin brother.


	49. Chapter 49

**Chapter Forty-Nine: A Path**

_Death is not the greatest loss in life, the greatest loss is what dies in us while we are still alive._  
-Norman Cousins

Darkness.

Endless, crushing darkness.

That was the world.

That was all of existence.

There was no escape from it. No light at the end of the tunnel, no sign to the end of the abyss.

Was he blind? Was he unconscious? Asleep? Dead?

Did it matter?

He had fallen in here, and he did not want to leave. He wanted to fall forever. He wanted to be alone. He wanted the pain and suffering and the worthlessness he felt so deeply.

But more than anything else, he wanted to be numb.

He wanted to fade away.

He wanted to become absolutely nothing.

After all, that's what he was. Nothing. Just simply, purely, nothing.

It's all he wanted to be.

What was the point of existing?

Everything was a lie. Everything hurt. Everything was hopeless.

Who wanted to live when life was like that? Pain, suffering, anger, hopelessness, frustration, rage, tears . . .

He hoped he would never be found down here.

But when he thought that, someone did find him.

Or _something_.

It was just a tiny light that slowly became a humanoid shape. It had no facial features, no lips, no eyes, barely even the outline of hair. It was just a bright white ghost, floating towards him in the dark sea.

"Talk to me, Kira," said the ghost.

He chose not to answer. Maybe if he didn't acknowledge the ghost it would leave him alone. Give up on him like everyone else. That's what he wanted.

The ghost moved closer. The voice was androgynous, garbled, echoing off of something unseen. "Kira, please talk to me. Come on."

He still chose not to respond. The ghost's hands seemed to move around him, and each movement seemed to release some kind of restraint or pressure off of him.

The numbness started to go away.

"Please leave me alone," he whispered.

"I can't do that," replied the ghost.

The ghost rubbed his cheek. The hand felt so warm, so inviting, but he knew better. It was just an inviation to more pain.

But he couldn't even muster the strength to resist. He couldn't move. It was like his entire body had shut down.

"Please talk to me," said the ghost.

He would not answer. Answering the ghost meant acknowledging his own existence. He could not do that. He just wanted to believe he was nothing. Maybe the ghost would believe he was just a figment of its imagination if he stayed silent. He should have stayed silent to begin with-

"Please, Kira," said the ghost.

_Stop saying my name. I don't want to hear it. I don't want a name,_ he thought.

It felt like they were moving now, towards the tiny light in the distance. He wanted to fight but like before, he could not move. It was like he had no body, like he was just this formless spirit being tugged by the ghost's hand.

The light was blinding.

He closed his eyes. He was in the darkness again. The numb darkness. Where he wanted to be.

The ghost was still trying. He felt warmth surround his body. Was the ghost embracing him?

_Please go away._

"Kira," the ghost said, "I know I messed up. Please don't shut down. I fought so hard to save you, Kira. Please talk to me."

He forced himself not to talk, but it was getting harder and harder.

The ghost's voice seemed to be choking up. "Kira, it doesn't matter what you say. You can hate me. Despise me. Scream at me. Whatever. Please just say _something_. Please."

He bit his tongue. He could feel himself being brought back, from out of the darkness, but he wanted to keep fighting. Why was the ghost trying so hard? Why was the ghost sounding so _familiar_? Why?

"Kira, I love you. It doesn't matter if you feel the same. Please, I just want an answer! I love you so much!"

That sprung his eyes open.

_Wait, I know this person._

With his eyes, he realized he was awake in the middle of a sunny day. His knees were wet, he was in the middle of shallows on a beach. He could smell the smoke of burnt metal filling the air.

He could see stray strands of golden blonde hair.

The voice was husky and feminine. "Kira, I'll do anything to help you. I promise. I won't ignore you ever again! I should've realized how badly you needed help. This is all my fault. It doesn't matter if you forgive me. Just tell me you're alive. That you're awake. Don't leave me like this."

"Cagalli," he whispered.

He saw her face then, as she faced him, her hands on her shoulders. Tears were brimming from her brown eyes.

"Kira, I'm here," Cagalli said. "Please stay. Stay here. I don't . . . I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you, you're all I have left."

It wasn't the words that brought him to tears.

It was the meaning.

_She loves me._

All this time, he thought she had despised him because he was so pathetic. That he was just being shunted aside so he wouldn't become an embarrassment for her ambitions. If he didn't exist in her life, he wouldn't distract her from her duties.

Hearing Cagalli plead for him made him completely unable to speak.

No words could express this emotion he felt.

He just collapsed in her arms and cried.

"I'm here," she said. "I'm here, Kira. It's all right. Your big sister's here. I'll make sure you get better, Kira. I promise."

He found himself wanting to stay.

He wanted to heal.

Maybe becoming nothing wasn't the answer.

Maybe, it was just _being_.

Being Kira Yamato.

Kira so desperately wanted to believe that in the surf of a random island in the Aegean Sea.

* * *

The Freedom hadn't gotten a single dent from the Destroy, though the battle had cost the machine its entire METEOR device. But the biggest casuality of all was probably going to be Kira Yamato himself.

Athrun didn't have a lot of doubt that Cagalli had done what she thought had to be done. Was it done with the same ruthlessness she had dispatched her uncle and cousin with? Even Athrun doubted that. There was no way Cagalli could manage the sheer detachment and fury to kill Kira. Her brother meant much more to her than the Sierans ever did.

Lacus was trembling next to him. She hadn't stopped crying silently since he had found her inside what was left of the Strike Rouge. She had just been thoroughly torn apart by the Destroy and sent to suffer alone. The only thing she had said to Athrun, in a hoarse whisper, was_ "It hurts, Athrun. I can't take it." _

Athrun hadn't imagined Kira capable of such a cruel act. But he had been. And Lacus was clearly more shocked than Athrun had been. She had loved him so dearly and Kira had to have known that. To reject Lacus so violently was . . .

It was beyond cruelty.

They flew closer to the battle site, where the Destroy lay smoking on its back. It looked like Cagalli had torn it apart limb from him with that Hilda person.

_You _did_ do what you thought had to be done,_ Athrun thought.

Lacus reached out with her hand and placed it on the screen. She hadn't said a word since Athrun had found her, but her meaning was obvious.

"It's all right, Lacus. I'm sure he's still alive. Let's just find a place to set down so we can look."

Lacus didn't reply.

Athrun saw figures on the beach below, and he brought up a small visual display. He got what he least expected to see.

_Cagalli, you . . . _

There was Kira, being held in Cagalli's arms, and she was comforting him.

_You saved him_.

At least, that's what it _seemed_ like.

"Lacus, look," Athrun said, but he quickly saw he didn't need to say anything. She knew.

The smile crossing her tear-stricken face said more than words ever could.

Athrun set the Freedom down and both he and Lacus left the cockpit. Lacus led the way, running down the beach towards the surf, where Cagalli and Kira still were. Athrun took it slower, knowing that it would probably be better if Kira saw Lacus was okay.

It was miraculous, actually. She hadn't taken a single physical injury. That's why it puzzled Athrun why Lacus had said "_it hurts"_. Obviously, there was the mental pain of such a betrayal, but . . .

_Wait_.

Suddenly, Lacus not saying a word made absolute, horrific, sense.

_Oh no._

But before he could move, Lacus was standing right in front of Kira and Cagalli. The brother and sister stood up, and both of them, despite their tears, had such bright smiles on their faces.

But Athrun only felt a feeling of helplessness as they would soon realize what he had.

Kira gingerly approached Lacus. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to say any of that. I . . . I wasn't myself, Lacus."

Lacus didn't reply, but her arms stretched wide, and Kira and Lacus embraced each other.

Even at this distance, Athrun could hear Kira speaking. "Lacus, I promise this is over. I'm not going to do this anymore. I promise this is the last time. Cagalli said she'll help me. She'll surround me with people. We won't be alone or isolated, Lacus. I'll get better. I know Cagalli's plan will make me better, Lacus."

Lacus' right arm simply lifted up and rubbed his face. The gesture finally brought a tear to Athrun's right eye.

_My God. She still loves him despite it all._

Which made what was coming even worse.

Cagalli was starting to realize it too, by the puzzled expression on her face. "Lacus, are you all right?"

Kira's eyes widened, and he separated himself from Lacus partially, still leaving his hands on her shoulders. "Lacus?"

No answer. But the way Lacus' body was shaking told the whole story.

Kira's face fell. "Oh no. Lacus, I . . . "

He embraced her tightly. "I'm so sorry. I . . . I didn't mean . . ."

She just hugged him back, rubbing his back with both of her hands.

Cagalli walked over to Athrun. "Lacus . . . she . . . "

"Yes," Athrun said softly.

"Lacus is mute."

It wasn't just Kira who so badly needed to heal anymore.

For better or for worse, Kira and Lacus were going to have to fight this battle together now.

Athrun thought of the song Lacus had told him about, this hopeful, beautiful song that had been written specifically for Kira. She wasn't going to sing it.

She might never sing it.

_I should have forced her to stay back. I should have. She didn't belong out here,_ Athrun thought.

But it didn't matter anymore.

Like Cagalli, Athrun was going to have to live with his mistakes.

If he didn't find a way, he'd be no better than the two people in front of him, the two in pain most of all.

Now it was his responsibility, along with Cagalli's, to lead them down a restorative path. Where they could both be happy, and their problems forgotten, their mistakes forgiven.

There was no other option.

* * *

"C'mon Stellar."

"I'm trying, Shinn."

They had barely passed the border into Macedonia when the Core Splendor finally ran out of power. Shinn had managed to get the thing to glide towards the ground, but the landing hadn't been perfect, Stellar had hit her head and had been unconscious until just now, and she was still uncoordinated and dazed.

Stellar fell out of the cockpit then, and Shinn, unable to catch her, simply fell down and she landed on top of him face first.

"Ow," she murmured.

"I'm sorry," Shinn said.

"It's not your fault. We both knew this was going to happen."

Stellar grunted as she rolled off of Shinn, and they both rested on the cool grass for a brief moment. The sun was starting to set now It had to have been a few hours since they had escaped the battlefield, and now they were in the middle of Earth Alliance territory.

They needed to get out of here before someone arrived to check the wreckage.

Stellar looked at Shinn. "We need the emergency rations and any weapon you got in there. Do you have some kind of machine-gun?"

"I think so, and two 30-shot clips."

"That'll have to do. Hurry, get them both. You're going to need to fire the gun if we get caught, I can't handle it."

The reason why Stellar couldn't was obvious. A broken arm tended to hamper someone's ability to wield a two-handed weapon.

"All right, I'm going." Shinn forced himself to his feet and attempted to climb the Core Splendor back into his cockpit.

_Weapon, rations . . . I forgot we're fugitives now. We're dead meat if we're caught._

He found his rations first and threw them out of the cockpit in Stellar's general direction. They weren't enough for the both of them, they wouldn't last more than a couple of days. They needed to find something else to eat or they were in serious trouble.

_We really should have thought this through better._

He found the machine-gun and grabbed it. It wasn't loaded with ammunition in case of an accidental discharge, which meant Shinn had to dig for more ammunition.

Finally, he found both clips and slammed one of them into his gun. He cocked it and sighed. He didn't want to have to shoot anyone. He wished _he_ had his arm broken instead of Stellar's because she could kill face to face, unlike him.

Though, in order to protect Stellar, he figured he was capable of anything.

Suddenly, he heard engines in the distance.

_Oh crap._

Shinn jumped out of the cockpit and landed on his feet. "Stellar, we need to run!"

"Too late," Stellar said as she looked towards the sky.

"What do you mean?" Shinn asked.

His answer was a miniature earthquake as a Mobile Suit set down right behind him.

Shinn spun around and found himself staring at a Mobile Suit he didn't quite recognize. It didn't seem to be anything ofund in the Earth Alliance, the ZAFT or Orb. It just seemed to be its own separate entity, independent of every faction on Earth.

It was a Mobile Suit emblazoned in bright red.

Suddenly, the cockpit opened, and the helmet-less pilot zip-lined down. He had this unruly, spiky mane of red hair just slightly darker than the Mobile Suit he piloted.

"Well, well," he said. "You're the fifth pair of starcrossed lovers this month. And the third to get away alive."

Shinn felt his face heat up at being called Stellar's "lover". They hadn't even slept together yet.

Stellar spoke. "Who are you, and what brings you here?"

The red-haired pilot scratched the back of his neck. "I just collect junk to use for my own purposes. Same with the rest of my group. You guys, however, caught my attention."

"How?" Stellar asked.

"The Earth Alliance aren't far away. They won't care who I am if they see me talking with you guys. They'll just shoot me down, and then brain the two of you."

"We know this," Stellar said.

"Then you must also know I'm your only way out of here alive. The Junk Guild is more than willing to take in deserters from the opposing military forces," the young man said.

Shinn and Stellar both looked at each other. Shinn knew there wasn't any choice, and he knew that Stellar was thinking the same thing.

"Fine, get us out of here. But you haven't even told us your name," Stellar said. "Who are you?"

The pilot grinned. 'I am Lowe Guele. Welcome to the Junk Guild."

And so began the rest of Shinn Asuka's life.


	50. Chapter 50

This is the last chapter that will be posted for a while. I'm right now doing NaNoWriMo and I plan on completing the novel after NaNoWriMo is over. So there won't be any updates for a while.

I told the MAHQ forums, where this story was originally posted, that I will be back in March/April 2011 in all likelihood. I want to establish a buffer at the very least. FanFiction dot net will be updated concurrently with the MAHQ posting, as in anywhere from a few hours to a few days after a MAHQ posting.

In other words, FF dot net has officially, finally, caught up with MAHQ.

I hope you've enjoyed the story so far. The story will return in 2011, and will continue until the end of the story. The chapters will likely be a little longer, and will also tie up the storyline. I estimate the final arc will constitute about 20-25 chapters.

Until then . . . shine on.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter Fifty: Crossroad**

_He who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare, and he who has one enemy will meet him everywhere. _  
-Ali ibn-Abi-Talib

The surrender became official soon after the Orb fleet showed up. Lunamaria Hawke could take solace in knowing that she and the rest of the ZAFT had dealt the Earth Alliance a Pyrrhic victory, though it had taken the Destroy's "help" to accomplish that.

So many people had died the last few days. What mattered was that Luna wasn't one of them, and neither was her sister.

Meyrin had been quiet since the _Minerva_ had surrendered. That didn't surprise Luna at all.

Shinn Asuka had never returned. Only pieces of his Sword Silhouette had.

That was _her_ sister Shinn had left behind. Luna had practically _raised_ Meyrin. She was closer than an ordinary sister to Luna. Seeing Meyrin struggle not to cry when the Sword Silhouette return, without Shinn, was heartbreaking.

_"So,"_ she had said, _"He made his choice. I . . . I just want him to be happy, so . . ."_

She hadn't been able to finish that sentence. She had said little since, simply hanging near Luna, her head down.

Being taken prisoner wasn't as awful as Luna had expected. Orb wasn't rubbing the ZAFT's defeat in their faces, nor insulting the soldiers or trying to kill them in fits of rage. But then again what little Earth Alliance troops remained weren't in a celebatory mood. They had taken thousands upon thousands of casualties, and, if rumors were true, had lost an entire _city_ to the Destroy.

_If it's true, serves them right,_ Luna thought. _They built that thing to begin with. Nice to know they paid the price too._

It was callous of her to think that way and she knew it. But the Earth Alliance was still her enemy. She'd never express jubiliaiton or exaltation over what had happened to the EA, but she wouldn't be crying over their losses. She would be respectful to her captors if they were respectful to her, but she wasn't going to go out of her way to be friendly.

It was the right way to view the situation and the war.

Not to mention that being too provocative could easily endanger Meyrin. If the EA decided to get cruel they could always use Meyrin was leverage. Luna didn't want that to happen, so the smart thing to do was just blend in and not draw attention.

The Hawke sisters were walking next to the captain, Talia Gladys, who had been taken prisoner as well. She was walking upright and proud, her cap still on. She had surrendered honorably and the Orb officer who took her ceremonial sword, somebody named Todaka, had treated her well.

Luna walked over to the captain. "Any idea where they are taking us?"

"They're putting us on shuttles and flying us to Orb," Talia said softly. "We'll be in camps from here on out."

Luna nodded. "Thank you."

She walked back to Meyrin and grabbed Meyrin by the arm. "C'mon. I'd like to guarantee being in the same camp as the captain."

"Okay," Meyrin said softly. She let Luna drag her over to the captain, and the three ZAFT officers walked together.

The shuttle was dead ahead. In front of them, Luna recognized the heads of Arthur Trine and Bart Heim. They had surrendered too.

_It's hard to believe that the war's over for me. Unless I feel like fighting for Orb, and I don't._

Orb was well known for openly taking in defectors from both the Earth Alliance and the ZAFT and incorporating them into society fairly quickly. It was just like the Junk Guild from what Luna had heard. But Luna had no love for Earth, in fact, had never set foot on it until the last couple of weeks. In fact, now was the first time she had ever been on solid ground. She had never left the artificial docks and ports when the _Minerva_ had been docked.

_So I'm actually on the Earth for the first time._

She had an empty ration can on her. A thought occured to her, and she opened the can, and made sure no crumb of food remained.

She quickly knelt down and scooped some of the sandy soil below her into her hand. She unceremoniously dumped the soil into the circular, metallic can. She closed the lid, and quickly brushed her hands off.

_That was easy_.

She took off at a run and caught back up to the captain and her sister. Neither of them seemed to notice Luna's "activity".

What had possessed her to do it, anyway?

_Maybe I'll never get the chance to touch Earth soil again. Who knows whether the P.O.W. camp is on natural ground or not. If I never set foot on the world . . . well . . . at least I'll have a piece of it with me._

They approached the shuttle, and the ZAFT soldiers were being let on one at a time, Orb soldiers waving them through.

_So this is it. The moment I set foot on there, I'm a P.O.W._

Luna briefly entertained thoughts of a dramatic, fanciful escape, but realized it was totally hopeless. Too many people with guns. She'd get slaughtered in seconds, and what would that do for Meyrin anyway?

_I am a P.O.W. That's my fate. If Orb doesn't decide to turn cruel, I'll finish this war in peace._

The thought was warm and comforting.

_I think I've had enough fighting for a while. That last stand was enough fighting for my entire life._

She looked at Meyrin.

_I think she's had enough of the war too. And Shinn._

Luna thought about that young man. _He's just as I thought. He used my sister as a pillow to cry to, and first chance he gets he runs off. Coward. He could have told Meyrin he didn't love her._

She hoped her little sister would not become jaded. That would be terrible. Luna liked Meyrin the way she was, warm, trusting, kind. She didn't want Meyrin any other way.

Speaking of someone who ran off . . .

_Wait a minute._

"Captain," Luna said. "I don't see Rey anywhere. Have you?"

The captain frowned. "No. I thought he was with us, but . . ."

They were on the stairway now, about to enter the shuttle. There was no sign of Rey za Burrel either in front of behind them.

Luna looked at Meyrin. The younger girl shook her head. "I don't know where he went."

_That's funny. You would think he would want to be taken prisoner with us. Unless he found a way to escape._

Luna took one last look outside before entering the shuttle that would take her and Meyrin to their residence for the rest of the war.

_Rey, where did you go?

* * *

_

Cagalli had managed to give Kira and Lacus a small private room to rest in at the Crete base, and that's where all four of them were, plus Hilda Harken, the one-eyed Coordinator woman who had assisted Cagalli in the final battle against the Destroy.

Right now, everyone's attention was on Cagalli, due to the highly unexpected sentence she had just uttered.

Athrun spoke before anyone else could."You want to _what_?"

Hilda laughed. "Quite ambitious, my young queen."

Cagalli frowned. "I'm serious. I think I could do it. Take over the Earth Alliance and tear everything rotten out from the top-down."

Athrun's eyes were as wide as dinner plates. "Are you serious? Blue Cosmos will definitely try to kill you! I don't want to lose you!"

Cagalli spun towards Athrun. "Right now, Athrun, Orb is in a positon of strength. We lost hardly _anything_ in that debacle. The Earth Alliance has lost a lot of political capital and many, many soldiers."

"It's opportunistic and exploits the people who died," Athrun said.

"It's so this stupid war can finally end and maybe, just _maybe_, the ZAFT and Earth Alliance can learn how to respect each other," Cagalli said. "Naomi Mitsuda is not the woman who can lead the Earth Alliance into an understanding with the ZAFT. I can."

Athrun looked away. "It's still dangerous."

"Everything is dangerous for us," Cagalli said.

Hilda sighed. "If you're going to make a move like that, make it fast. You can't let Ms. Mitsuda have the chance to recover from this scandal."

Kira just shook his head. None of the three noticed the elephant in the room: _him_.

"I flew the thing," Kira finally said.

Everyone looked at him.

"It'll come out that I flew it, that Morgenroete constructed it after being given the design by Adukov. We're just as guilty as Blue Cosmos in this, me most of all."

Cagalli shook her head. "I'm not letting you take the fall for me, Kira. The last thing I will have is you in front of some war crimes court. You told me what the Earth Alliance did to you. They drove you insane."

"Insanity doesn't excuse me," Kira said. "I . . . I killed so many pe\ople. Hurt others. Look at what I did to Lacus!"

Kira turned and pointed at her, and Lacus' eyes widened, and she looked away, as if in shame. Kira immediately felt something weigh his chest down, and he felt nothing but guilt for pointing at Lacus, as if _she_ was at fault for what happened.

As if it was _her_ fault she hadn't spoken at all for the last twenty-four hours.

Cagalli put her hands on her hips. "Kira, that doesn't change a thing. I'm not letting you be humiliated for something you weren't responsible for! If anyone should be haulked up there, it should be me . . . and the Blue Cosmos people."

Lacus did something with her hands. Kira couldn't understand it, but Cagalli did. "I know, Lacus. Sorry."

"What?" Kira asked.

"It's nothing. Something private," Cagalli said.

She took a deep breath and sighed. "You two . . . just rest. Athrun, Hilda, and I are going to make arrangements to head back home . . . and find someplace big enough to hold the prisoners. Just sit tight."

Kira knew he didn't have any other choice. Cagalli was going to micromanage his life now, she had made that pretty clear. Though she wasn't exactly in a position to refuse. He had proven himself incapable of living independently, at least for a while.

Maybe if he ever got better . . .

"All right," Kira said reluctantly.

Cagalli smiled. "Everything's going to be different, Kira. I promise."

She then turned and left, and Athrun and Hilda followed, leaving Kira alone with Lacus.

Lacus had cut her hair. It was still a shock to look at her shortened hair, it reminded him of Cagalli more than anything else. And her eyes had gotten so sad.

And so much of it had been his fault.

He couldn't remember what he had said to Lacus, but once he had heard a recording, he had been horrified. He had torn Lacus down emotionally and mentally, before shooting her down and leaving her to suffer.

No wonder she couldn't talk.

But why? Why was she still here? Why did she still care even though he had been responsible for her trauma?

He wanted to ask her those things. And she wouldn't be able to answer. Kira couldn't understand a _hint_ of sign language.

His hands began to tremble.

_I hurt her. All she tried to do was help me and all I did was . . . _

Tears filled her eyes.

_Why does she still want to be around me?_

He felt her warm hands as they cradled his face, and turned his face towards her. Her eyes were shimmering, emotional, concerned.

"Lacus," he whispered.

He brought her into a tight embrace, which she returned.

She was going to stay. It was obvious she had made her choice. Maybe, even though she was in so much pain, she saw hope for him.

And if he got better, maybe Lacus would too.

It was a wonderful thought, of a future where both of them had finally moved past the violence and pain they had experienced. Maybe they could finally eke out a future together. A peaceful, happy future.

It was all he could hope for.

But then he heard a voice. And it didn't belong to anyone hew knew.

"How touching, Kira Yamato, Lacus Clyne."

Both of the young couple spun towards the door, and there stood a young man Kira had never seen before.

He had a gun aimed right at his head.

The young man, with long blonde hair and cold blue eyes, just laughed softly. "Why am I not surprised? You two were practically made for each other with your self-righteous moral preaching."

'Do I know you?" Kira asked.

The young man smirked. "Not quite. We _used_ to, though, before you went out and killed me, Kira Yamato. But I always have a contingency."

Kira searched his mind, and then the horrifying truth dawned on him.

"No . . . you can't be."

"I am," the young man said. "I'm Rau Le Creuset. I may be just a clone of him, but I have every single one of his memories downloaded into my brain. His mindset. His personality. I am Rau Le Creuset reborn, Kira Yamato."

Lacus shiverd violently, and Kira didn't feel much better.

Rau looked at Lacus and cocked an eyebrow. "What's the matter, Lacus Clyne? Don't have anything to say?"

Lacus looked away, again with the ashamed expression.

Rau's eyes widened and he laughed wildly. "How ironic!"

"What do you want?" Kira asked sharply.

The younger Rau simply shook his head. "I suppose . . . I felt like gloating. Or maybe I'm daring you to try and stop me. I could be killed here but then there'll be _another_ me to worry about. And then another. And then _another_."

"You _still_ want to kill everyone?" Kira asked.

Rau just shook his head. "Look at what they did to _you_, Kira Yamato Yo ureally want people like the ones who put you in that Destroy to live?"

"That doesn't mean exterminating the human race!" Kira yelled.

Rau frowned. 'You sound just like Mu La Flaga with that remark."

The remembrance of his fallen friend and mentor made Kira look away.

Rau brought up a pistol. "I can have no interference."

Kira's mind raced. _Wait, keep him talking. Rau loves to talk. Delay this until someone can help._

"How are you going to achieve your plans? You have nowhere near the control you once did," Kira said.

Rau's eyes gleamed. "But I will. Trust me, I will. And humanity's crimes aren't the only reason why they must be exterminated, let me tell you."

"Oh really?" Kira asked.

Rau smiled in this wild way. "There is something out there that once infected humanity. It's classified now, erased from the history books, but the Reconstruction War was fought over this infection. This . . . evolution. It's coming back. I can't let humanity get infected with this again, or we won't only destroy ourselves, we will destroy entire _civilizations_."

"What?" Kira asked.

Rau just shook his head. "I'll let you watch from hell. After all, that's where _you_ are going to go for your own crimes, Kira Yamato."

Kira realized there was no more delay here. No amount of talking would dissuade Le Creuset any longer. Kira closed his eyes and braced himself, but heard footsteps.

Kira opened his eyes and saw Lacus Clyne standing in front of him.

_Lacus, no!_

He could not see Rau, but he heard him. "Oh, you want to die first, Lacus Clyne? The talkative girl who is now speechless? Fine!"

A gunshot rang out.

"Lacus!" Kira screamed.

But Lacus did not fall.

She wasn't even bleeding.

And then, all Kira could hear was blood-filled gasps from the younger Rau as he collapsed to the ground.

Lacus moved aside, and Kira saw Hilda Harken standing there, her sidearm smoking.

"You all right?" Hilda asked.

Kira was about to reply when Rau wheezed from the ground.

"Like I said, that won't stop me. I have . . . contingencies . . . beyond this one . . . "

He exhaled softly, and life left his eyes. The only movement from his body was an enlarging pool of blood coming out from under his chest.

Cagalli and Athrun then re-emerged. "Hilda? What's going on?" Athrun asked.

It was Rau," Kira said.

Everyone turned towards him. "What?" Cagalli asked.

"Rau. He's back. And he's going to keep coming back."

That put the entire room into a state of silence.

* * *

_Well, this is it. I'm going to become one of Durandal's trusted soldiers. Now I can finally figure out what's going on so this war can be stopped once and for all._

Dearka Elsman couldn't believe he had come this far. But his goal, his reason for infiltration, was finally going to bear fruit. The Chairman had noticed him, wanted to commend him, put him in FAITH. That would be a big mistake for the Chairman, because that would make Dearka privy to most secret documents, among other things. Dearka's clearance was surpassed only by a few.

Shiho Hassenfuss calmly followed him through the hallway. "Congratulations, Dearka."  
"You helped," Dearka said.

Shiho smiled. "I suppose so."

They stopped right in front of the room where he was going to meet Durandal. "Thank you for everything. We can stop this war, Shiho. I know we can."

"Yes, I know," Shiho said. "Please, go on. I may not be joining FAITH but I'll still be at your side."

"Thank you," Dearka said. He sighed as he walked up to the door.

"Wish me luck," he said.

Shiho chuckled. "Good luck."

Dearka opened the door, and was quite surprised to find . . . it was still dark.

_I didn't arrive early. That's strange . . . too strange._

That was when a gunshot rang out from behind and Dearka felt a swelling, blistering heat tear through his midsection.

_What?_

Dearka spun around as he held his side. He suddenly saw Shiho standing there, holding the smoking gun.

"Remember when I said I was 'surrounded by idiots', Dearka? I wasn't kidding."

Shiho fired again, and this time it hit Dearka's lung. He fell backwards, into the dark room.

Shiho calmly walked over and yanked Dearka's sidearm out of its holster. Dearka couldn't find himself able to form complete sentences, his ability to talk seemed to have vanished.

Shiho began talking in this nonchalant way. "It was enjoyable serving with you, but I could not let you join FAITH. It isn't that you know too much, but that you _will_ know too much. Nothing personal."

She ejected the clip from the pistol. "But as you're going to die, might as well tell you why. It's the least I can do."

She ejected the loaded round from its chamber and casually discarded the remnant of Dearka's pistol. "You may not know this, but Coordinators are actually corruptions of a superior being. Desperate scientists, trying to replicate the science that gave birth to the superior, evolved beings, wound up creating the Coordinator instead."

She sighed. 'The Reconstruction War was so brutal. Humanity was reaching for the stars and it was annihilated because the Naturals could not tolerate themselves becoming supplanted by the superior beings. Of course, many superior beings got to escape for the stars, and I'm sure they'll come back someday, and take revenge for what was done to this crippled Earth."

Dearka suddenly realized that in the dark, Shiho's eyes had an eerie glow in them. An unnatural, neon, white-yellow type of glow that had barely any resemblance to her usual eye color.

Then it occured to Dearka that Shiho had never been seen anywhere but daylight or a well-lit place.

"I, and others like me, are going to pave the way for their return, Dearka. I would ask you to join me, but I know you'd say no, so why bother asking?"

Dearka finally found himself able to wheeze out some words. "What . . . are you?"

Me? My kind fought against aliens. Colonized distant planets. Would've become the new humanity if it weren't for the bigoted. Got erased from the history books. I . . . am what's called an Innovator, Dearka."

She sighed. "You should've bled out by now. I guess I'll have to waste a third bullet, so you don't miraculously survive. That happens to your friends way too much, and I'm sure you've caught some of that luck."

She aimed the pistol at Dearka's head.

"It was an honor, Dearka. Believe it or not I actually liked you. But I can always find a more . . . moldable substitute. Maybe that Shinn Asuka boy. I think he would fit nicely."

_Fat chance. He's the type of person who'd rather stay the way he is,_ Dearka thought.

Shiho smiled. "Farewell. I hope that the afterlife, if there is one, is pleasant to you."

Dearka closed his eyes and waited.

And waited.

_Come on, get it over-_

Bang.


End file.
